Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,130 --> 00:00:06,730
If I could get Madge
fixed up with Gastric,
2
00:00:06,770 --> 00:00:11,130
I might be able to persuade
Mavis to move in here.
3
00:00:12,490 --> 00:00:16,290
Excuse me? What happens to ME?
4
00:00:16,330 --> 00:00:19,330
Oh, there'll always be
a place for you, Leroy.
5
00:00:19,370 --> 00:00:21,970
Might be next door,
but always a place.
6
00:00:23,130 --> 00:00:26,409
You'd never let me go next door -
I might oversleep.
7
00:00:26,410 --> 00:00:29,329
Sleep is for customers, give it up.
8
00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:34,810
A shopkeeper lives like a monk -
full of discipline and poverty.
9
00:00:34,850 --> 00:00:36,170
Mm.
10
00:00:36,210 --> 00:00:37,410
What about chastity?
11
00:00:38,570 --> 00:00:41,489
Yeah, I'm trying to give
that up as well.
12
00:00:41,490 --> 00:00:44,290
It's time you did,
made an honest woman of Mavis.
13
00:00:44,330 --> 00:00:47,609
No, she'll never leave, Madge.
14
00:00:47,610 --> 00:00:50,410
I've got to try
and get Gastric moving.
15
00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:53,450
You'd think he'd never
heard of misbehaviour.
16
00:00:55,090 --> 00:00:59,730
Can I ask, what are you doing
with those two aftershaves?
17
00:00:59,770 --> 00:01:03,330
Ah, well, you see, this
one didn't sell, right?
18
00:01:03,370 --> 00:01:05,930
And THIS one didn't sell.
19
00:01:05,970 --> 00:01:08,609
So I thought maybe it would work
20
00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:12,570
if I blended the two with
an addition of our own.
21
00:01:13,850 --> 00:01:15,890
Like what? Like this - honey.
22
00:01:17,850 --> 00:01:20,489
Smooths out the edges.
23
00:01:20,490 --> 00:01:22,290
Won't it be sticky?
24
00:01:22,330 --> 00:01:24,010
Means it stays on longer.
25
00:01:25,850 --> 00:01:30,369
That's our marketing strategy -
"Arkwright's,
26
00:01:30,370 --> 00:01:32,250
"for the scent that lasts all day."
27
00:01:33,890 --> 00:01:35,290
Whether you like it or not.
28
00:01:35,330 --> 00:01:39,369
Now, don't be negative. Now we've
got our own product, you see,
29
00:01:39,370 --> 00:01:41,570
we can invent our own label.
30
00:01:43,250 --> 00:01:45,050
Rubbish by Arkwright?
31
00:01:45,090 --> 00:01:49,130
No, I was thinking something
more unmistakably masculine.
32
00:01:51,370 --> 00:01:52,490
Jockstrap?
33
00:01:57,050 --> 00:01:58,810
No.
34
00:01:58,850 --> 00:02:01,090
Why give the Scots all the credit?
35
00:02:02,090 --> 00:02:04,570
What about Butch?
36
00:02:52,090 --> 00:02:53,090
Oh, heck!
37
00:03:01,850 --> 00:03:04,449
Yeah, I suppose you
think that's funny.
38
00:03:04,450 --> 00:03:05,450
Go on, get on!
39
00:03:12,010 --> 00:03:15,010
What are you wearing
those things for?
40
00:03:15,050 --> 00:03:17,329
My eyes are still asleep.
41
00:03:17,330 --> 00:03:19,329
I didn't want to wake them.
42
00:03:19,330 --> 00:03:23,769
In my day, we had to get up
so early that, if we didn't wake up
43
00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:27,049
when it were yesterday,
we'd overslept.
44
00:03:28,170 --> 00:03:30,450
Morning.
45
00:03:31,730 --> 00:03:35,570
OK, what you selling me
for breakfast?
46
00:03:35,610 --> 00:03:36,650
Aftershave.
47
00:03:38,050 --> 00:03:40,049
For breakfast? Mm.
48
00:03:40,050 --> 00:03:42,850
What? You dab it on your cornflakes?
49
00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:48,330
No, you dab it on yourself, and
then you'll smell lovely all day.
50
00:03:48,370 --> 00:03:50,850
But don't go near any beehives.
51
00:03:50,890 --> 00:03:55,570
I don't do aftershave.
I like to smell natural -
52
00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:58,129
old rubber tyres and diesel.
53
00:03:58,130 --> 00:04:01,570
That's why you're not getting
close enough to Madge.
54
00:04:01,610 --> 00:04:03,570
I don't like to rush things.
55
00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:06,610
How can you say that
when we've seen you eating?
56
00:04:06,650 --> 00:04:08,050
I'll get there.
57
00:04:08,090 --> 00:04:11,450
Oh, well, then, you've come to
the right place, haven't you? Yeah.
58
00:04:11,490 --> 00:04:13,449
Yeah, special offer.
59
00:04:13,450 --> 00:04:14,410
There you are.
60
00:04:14,411 --> 00:04:17,209
You buy the aftershave... Yeah.
61
00:04:17,210 --> 00:04:19,610
..and you get the bottle free.
62
00:04:25,330 --> 00:04:26,410
There, there, right.
63
00:04:28,370 --> 00:04:30,609
Madagascar? Mm.
64
00:04:30,610 --> 00:04:33,090
They came in a van
from Macclesfield.
65
00:04:35,130 --> 00:04:40,489
I do believe that Macclesfield
is twinned with Madagascar.
66
00:04:40,490 --> 00:04:42,570
You keep telling people
they bring good luck,
67
00:04:42,610 --> 00:04:43,809
but I think they're spooky.
68
00:04:43,810 --> 00:04:47,889
Ah, that's
because you can feel their power.
69
00:04:47,890 --> 00:04:53,930
These are made by an ancient tribe
in honour of their sacred animal.
70
00:04:53,970 --> 00:04:56,569
From Macclesfield? Yes.
71
00:04:56,570 --> 00:05:00,410
One of these furry creatures is
helping the Black Widow with
72
00:05:00,450 --> 00:05:02,290
her driving lessons.
73
00:05:02,330 --> 00:05:04,650
Ey up! Here she comes now.
74
00:05:06,170 --> 00:05:09,170
Why is Mrs Featherstone learning
to drive at her age? You...
75
00:05:11,250 --> 00:05:13,450
Don't knock it -
keeps her away from me.
76
00:05:14,650 --> 00:05:18,330
Whoops!
77
00:05:21,010 --> 00:05:24,689
I could let you have one of
these at a very special price.
78
00:05:24,690 --> 00:05:28,689
Hold him for a minute
while I work out what it is.
79
00:05:28,690 --> 00:05:34,169
That'll be 40 Madagascan shekels.
That is converted to the euro,
80
00:05:34,170 --> 00:05:39,250
and you divide the euro by the
pound which, at that going rate,
81
00:05:39,290 --> 00:05:43,009
would be... And you take away
the number you first thought of.
82
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:47,609
With the, um...
Oh, give us �17.40, go on.
83
00:05:47,610 --> 00:05:50,770
Do I strike you as
a cuddly toy person?
84
00:05:50,810 --> 00:05:54,490
You are forgetting
his special powers.
85
00:05:56,130 --> 00:05:58,730
I'm still trying to
forget the price.
86
00:06:00,770 --> 00:06:07,450
You know, 74% of people who own
this lovable companion have
87
00:06:07,490 --> 00:06:11,370
reported an increase in
happiness and confidence.
88
00:06:15,570 --> 00:06:17,410
It's a lump of cloth in a wig!
89
00:06:22,570 --> 00:06:24,050
The Black Widow, she bought one.
90
00:06:24,090 --> 00:06:26,850
It's doing magical things
for her driving.
91
00:06:49,290 --> 00:06:50,770
Hm.
92
00:06:50,810 --> 00:06:53,009
That sloth isn't working.
93
00:06:53,010 --> 00:06:55,010
You should've seen it
BEFORE she got it.
94
00:07:04,730 --> 00:07:05,810
Oh!
95
00:07:07,650 --> 00:07:11,450
Oh! Here she is, Formula 1!
96
00:07:11,490 --> 00:07:13,249
How are the driving lessons going?
97
00:07:13,250 --> 00:07:18,090
No-one tells you what fun
accelerating is!
98
00:07:18,130 --> 00:07:19,810
But should you do it backwards?
99
00:07:19,850 --> 00:07:21,810
Oh, it's even more fun backwards.
100
00:07:21,850 --> 00:07:24,650
When I get my licence, I'll
probably always go backwards.
101
00:07:24,690 --> 00:07:27,930
It looks like something's
overtaken your hat.
102
00:07:27,970 --> 00:07:29,930
Oh! Yeah.
103
00:07:29,970 --> 00:07:34,849
Can I ask, when you shot past,
did I hear your instructor shouting?
104
00:07:34,850 --> 00:07:37,650
Into his phone - he was resigning.
105
00:07:37,690 --> 00:07:40,730
I don't think they should be
allowed to make personal calls.
106
00:07:40,770 --> 00:07:42,770
How many instructors have you had?
107
00:07:42,810 --> 00:07:45,689
Five. The fifth just dropped me off.
108
00:07:45,690 --> 00:07:47,969
I don't think he gave me
the full hour.
109
00:07:47,970 --> 00:07:50,250
I bet it felt like
the full hour to him.
110
00:07:50,290 --> 00:07:53,329
Oh, Mrs Featherstone,
have you met Mrs Rossi?
111
00:07:53,330 --> 00:07:55,969
Oh, what? The Italian woman?
112
00:07:55,970 --> 00:07:58,170
Yes, our paths have crossed.
113
00:07:58,210 --> 00:08:00,010
Only Italian by marriage.
114
00:08:00,050 --> 00:08:04,089
I never really lost certain
Anglo-Saxon attitudes.
115
00:08:04,090 --> 00:08:07,530
Mrs Rossi has very kindly offered
to help with the bring-and-buy.
116
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:09,970
Oh, do we need any help?
Well, don't we always?
117
00:08:10,010 --> 00:08:11,970
I've always been
grateful for help
118
00:08:12,010 --> 00:08:14,210
ever since I nearly drowned
at Scarborough.
119
00:08:14,250 --> 00:08:17,250
Well, how were we supposed to know
that you were drowning?
120
00:08:17,290 --> 00:08:19,290
You kept it very quiet.
121
00:08:19,330 --> 00:08:21,170
Well, you don't like to make a fuss.
122
00:08:26,970 --> 00:08:30,489
Careful! You got
me comfy cardi in there.
123
00:08:30,490 --> 00:08:34,530
You've been together too long.
It's going to the bring-and-buy.
124
00:08:34,570 --> 00:08:35,770
Whoa, hang on!
125
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:39,130
My mother knitted me this.
126
00:08:39,170 --> 00:08:40,649
To keep you prisoner.
127
00:08:40,650 --> 00:08:42,810
Look,
it's nearly down to your ankles.
128
00:08:42,850 --> 00:08:44,730
You look like you're
in the chain gang.
129
00:08:46,370 --> 00:08:49,330
You got some of my favourite pieces
in there!
130
00:08:49,370 --> 00:08:53,450
Favourite pieces that you never wear
because they don't fit you any more.
131
00:08:53,490 --> 00:08:55,050
Well, the cardigan does.
132
00:08:56,290 --> 00:08:57,330
Almost.
133
00:08:58,890 --> 00:09:00,570
Don't you like me loose and baggy?
134
00:09:02,650 --> 00:09:05,089
You know, you're not
feeling my pain.
135
00:09:05,090 --> 00:09:07,250
You don't do pain -
you run to your mother's.
136
00:09:07,290 --> 00:09:10,010
Yeah, well,
I get more sympathy there.
137
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:13,130
She's not realistic.
She's still got your first dummy.
138
00:09:15,010 --> 00:09:17,770
What if somebody I don't like
buys these?
139
00:09:17,810 --> 00:09:21,370
How do you think I'm going to feel,
watching another bloke
140
00:09:21,410 --> 00:09:24,489
strutting his stuff in my threads?
141
00:09:24,490 --> 00:09:27,609
Oh, Eric, it's for charity!
142
00:09:27,610 --> 00:09:30,209
And they need my woollies?
143
00:09:30,210 --> 00:09:34,129
You'll get that warm glow that
only comes from generous giving.
144
00:09:34,130 --> 00:09:37,090
Look, all these items are
going to be on my stall.
145
00:09:37,130 --> 00:09:39,210
If you really want 'em,
you can buy 'em back.
146
00:09:39,250 --> 00:09:40,970
Oh, what kind of deal is that?
147
00:09:43,170 --> 00:09:48,569
It might lead me
into feeling like showing you my...
148
00:09:48,570 --> 00:09:49,570
..gratitude.
149
00:09:56,490 --> 00:10:00,090
Well,
can we fill in some detail here?
150
00:10:01,130 --> 00:10:04,730
Are we talking like right now?
151
00:10:06,010 --> 00:10:11,569
Sorry, what you're being offered is
part of my aftersales promotion.
152
00:10:11,570 --> 00:10:13,450
Check with me
after the bring-and-buy.
153
00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:18,449
You were married once?
154
00:10:18,450 --> 00:10:20,170
Mm, don't ask me how.
155
00:10:20,210 --> 00:10:22,810
Seemed to happen without
much input from me.
156
00:10:22,850 --> 00:10:24,050
I know the feeling.
157
00:10:25,170 --> 00:10:26,210
You?
158
00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:29,610
Yes, me! Just because I can
wear clothes doesn't mean
159
00:10:29,650 --> 00:10:32,330
I don't go through life
wondering, "What next?"
160
00:10:32,370 --> 00:10:37,209
Well, that's it, isn't it?
Everybody else seems to know.
161
00:10:37,210 --> 00:10:38,810
Or they fake it better.
162
00:10:40,090 --> 00:10:41,690
What was your husband like?
163
00:10:41,730 --> 00:10:45,649
He married beneath him.
I know this because he told me.
164
00:10:45,650 --> 00:10:49,129
We were on honeymoon at the time.
I came back early.
165
00:10:49,130 --> 00:10:50,570
Good for you.
166
00:10:50,610 --> 00:10:51,610
I got the wrong bus.
167
00:11:00,210 --> 00:11:01,210
Have you got any...?
168
00:11:01,250 --> 00:11:04,250
Yes, we have. Do come in,
don't leave half of you outside -
169
00:11:04,290 --> 00:11:05,290
it's untidy.
170
00:11:07,930 --> 00:11:10,770
You haven't even heard
what it is I want.
171
00:11:10,810 --> 00:11:12,890
But I know what you want.
172
00:11:12,930 --> 00:11:18,250
Call it shopkeeper's intuition -
only the best of us have it.
173
00:11:18,290 --> 00:11:19,930
Go on, then, what is it?
174
00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:26,690
There he is.
I promised him a good home.
175
00:11:26,730 --> 00:11:28,010
Say hello to Daddy.
176
00:11:28,050 --> 00:11:29,050
"Hello, Daddy!"
177
00:11:31,490 --> 00:11:33,530
That's not what I came in for,
178
00:11:33,570 --> 00:11:35,689
and I don't like the look
of the hairy thing.
179
00:11:35,690 --> 00:11:40,010
Sh! Don't, please.
You'll hurt its feelings.
180
00:11:41,250 --> 00:11:42,450
It's a toy.
181
00:11:42,490 --> 00:11:44,050
They don't have feelings.
182
00:11:44,090 --> 00:11:48,370
These do, and they arouse feelings.
183
00:11:49,810 --> 00:11:52,970
Take one of these home
and give it to your, er...
184
00:11:53,010 --> 00:11:55,050
..loved one and, oh!
185
00:11:57,490 --> 00:11:59,690
You see me with one of those?
186
00:11:59,730 --> 00:12:02,930
I'm an outdoor guy,
I do dangerous sports.
187
00:12:02,970 --> 00:12:04,570
Mm.
188
00:12:04,610 --> 00:12:06,410
How's your love life? Mm?
189
00:12:08,450 --> 00:12:11,169
That's one of the dangerous sports.
190
00:12:11,170 --> 00:12:12,330
Not any more.
191
00:12:12,370 --> 00:12:17,410
Not if you take advantage of
this double special offer.
192
00:12:20,050 --> 00:12:21,130
He-he!
193
00:12:26,410 --> 00:12:28,129
Oh, another one!
194
00:12:28,130 --> 00:12:31,649
Well, I'll tell you what I told the
rest - keep your hands to yourself.
195
00:12:31,650 --> 00:12:35,489
I don't want any accidental fumbling
with my knee.
196
00:12:35,490 --> 00:12:38,650
Right, now, take this,
it'll bring you luck.
197
00:12:42,970 --> 00:12:44,410
Well, are you coming or not?
198
00:13:01,890 --> 00:13:04,930
I see. No praise!
199
00:13:04,970 --> 00:13:06,530
Playing hardball, are we?
200
00:13:17,890 --> 00:13:19,050
Cyril bought one.
201
00:13:23,810 --> 00:13:26,889
Yeah, but Cyril doesn't have
the same hard core of steel
202
00:13:26,890 --> 00:13:28,650
inside him as me.
203
00:13:28,690 --> 00:13:29,849
Yeah.
204
00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:33,370
You've been to
Spain, France, Italy, obviously,
205
00:13:33,410 --> 00:13:35,610
but when were you
last in Madagascar?
206
00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:39,850
Well, do they even have sloths
in Madagascar?
207
00:13:39,890 --> 00:13:41,490
Oh, yes.
208
00:13:41,530 --> 00:13:44,689
Deep in the mystical rainforest,
where the wise men
209
00:13:44,690 --> 00:13:47,770
go to repair their
shortage of women.
210
00:13:47,810 --> 00:13:48,810
I know the feeling.
211
00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:51,489
But why are they short of women?
212
00:13:51,490 --> 00:13:55,170
Well, the women keep leaving
because the men won't wear
213
00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:59,250
anything in bed other
than their traditional tribal belts.
214
00:14:00,450 --> 00:14:02,610
Well, are the women being fair?
215
00:14:02,650 --> 00:14:05,489
I mean, it must be a bit hot
for pyjamas.
216
00:14:05,490 --> 00:14:08,330
And they're made
out of the sacred thistle.
217
00:14:10,210 --> 00:14:12,249
I can see why that might be
counter-productive.
218
00:14:12,250 --> 00:14:17,369
Mm. So, you see, the women -
they have to be lured back,
219
00:14:17,370 --> 00:14:20,450
and that's where these
little fellas come in.
220
00:14:22,730 --> 00:14:27,409
Conclusion would be - don't have
your honeymoon in Madagascar.
221
00:14:27,410 --> 00:14:30,210
It wasn't a riot in Skeggy, but...
222
00:14:30,250 --> 00:14:34,449
Are you seriously telling me
these things can pull the women?
223
00:14:34,450 --> 00:14:38,569
They're built around
the most powerful love spells
224
00:14:38,570 --> 00:14:40,370
in Madagascan magic.
225
00:14:40,410 --> 00:14:43,490
Where do you come up
with this stuff?
226
00:14:43,530 --> 00:14:45,849
It's not me, no, it's in
the leaflet.
227
00:14:45,850 --> 00:14:49,889
When you buy one of these, with
the full set of instructions.
228
00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:54,009
What kind of instructions would
you need for a cuddly toy?
229
00:14:54,010 --> 00:14:58,370
None if you don't want to realise
their full potential.
230
00:15:01,130 --> 00:15:04,530
Full potential? By doing what?
231
00:15:05,690 --> 00:15:12,250
By handing this cuddly little
fellow to the female of your choice
232
00:15:12,290 --> 00:15:17,530
and whispering in her ear
the sacred word.
233
00:15:17,570 --> 00:15:21,290
Oh. The sacred word?
234
00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:28,129
What is the... sacred word?
235
00:15:30,370 --> 00:15:34,610
No, no, no!
That comes with your first purchase.
236
00:15:38,530 --> 00:15:39,530
I'll take one.
237
00:15:42,330 --> 00:15:45,009
How much was it? �17...
238
00:15:45,010 --> 00:15:46,490
20 for cash. 20...?
239
00:15:48,650 --> 00:15:50,050
And the sacred word...
240
00:16:21,810 --> 00:16:24,610
And the sacred word is...
241
00:16:31,130 --> 00:16:32,130
Winkey?
242
00:16:35,010 --> 00:16:37,210
Means a lot more in Madagascan.
243
00:16:41,490 --> 00:16:44,330
Stop looking at your watch.
So, where are they?
244
00:16:44,370 --> 00:16:45,929
On their way.
245
00:16:45,930 --> 00:16:49,170
Leroy promised me
he'd bring Willis here.
246
00:16:49,210 --> 00:16:52,969
What I want in my life is someone
who lights up when they look at me.
247
00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:55,250
You want a smoker?
You know what I mean.
248
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,090
Where's Willis?
249
00:17:05,130 --> 00:17:07,449
His mother wouldn't let him out.
250
00:17:07,450 --> 00:17:08,929
Well, didn't you tell
her he had a date?
251
00:17:08,930 --> 00:17:11,569
I don't think Willis would use the
word "date" in front of his mother.
252
00:17:11,570 --> 00:17:12,809
Oh!
253
00:17:12,810 --> 00:17:14,610
They never want to come.
254
00:17:14,650 --> 00:17:16,729
I never get past the first date.
255
00:17:16,730 --> 00:17:18,610
First dates are horrible.
256
00:17:20,170 --> 00:17:22,450
I know, I'm becoming an expert.
257
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:33,850
Who's been raining on your parade?
258
00:17:33,890 --> 00:17:36,290
Can I help it
if Willis is a prisoner?
259
00:17:44,810 --> 00:17:49,890
His mother could put on a face
like that, even from behind.
260
00:17:53,010 --> 00:17:54,010
Shop!
261
00:17:59,250 --> 00:18:01,010
There's nobody here!
262
00:18:01,050 --> 00:18:02,729
Yes, there is -
there's me and there's you.
263
00:18:02,730 --> 00:18:04,170
Now, what's wrong?
264
00:18:06,690 --> 00:18:09,210
Beth thinks I'm unreliable.
265
00:18:09,250 --> 00:18:12,450
Only first thing in the morning.
266
00:18:12,490 --> 00:18:13,810
I think she's going off me.
267
00:18:15,250 --> 00:18:16,250
Oh.
268
00:18:17,970 --> 00:18:19,170
This'll bring her back.
269
00:18:20,530 --> 00:18:21,570
�2.50.
270
00:18:43,770 --> 00:18:46,529
Hey! Where are you going?
271
00:18:46,530 --> 00:18:47,970
Anywhere.
272
00:18:48,010 --> 00:18:49,689
Well, what about the car?
273
00:18:49,690 --> 00:18:51,650
Keep it. Keep the car.
274
00:18:54,730 --> 00:18:57,689
And I'll tell you something else -
when he's under pressure,
275
00:18:57,690 --> 00:18:59,170
his language is appalling.
276
00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:19,849
Oh!
277
00:19:19,850 --> 00:19:21,930
I have been barred, Granville!
278
00:19:21,970 --> 00:19:26,370
I have been blacklisted by every
motoring school in this town.
279
00:19:26,410 --> 00:19:28,970
You can still terrify on foot,
though.
280
00:19:30,290 --> 00:19:35,530
I had such plans to whisk Mr Newbold
off to other parts.
281
00:19:35,570 --> 00:19:37,330
Well, can't he drive you?
282
00:19:37,370 --> 00:19:41,210
No, he won't drive us any distance.
He says I go too fast.
283
00:19:42,250 --> 00:19:43,250
What? As a passenger?
284
00:19:43,290 --> 00:19:46,090
Yes, I know, it's weird, isn't it?
285
00:19:46,130 --> 00:19:50,490
Oh, where am I going to find
another instructor, Granville?
286
00:19:50,530 --> 00:19:55,770
Oh, look at you -
you qualified driver, you!
287
00:19:58,050 --> 00:20:02,130
How would you like to put
your L plate on Delphine?
288
00:20:03,610 --> 00:20:06,010
Where is Gastric? Gastric! Gastric!
289
00:20:06,050 --> 00:20:08,049
Where is Gastric? Hello, Mavis.
290
00:20:08,050 --> 00:20:10,570
Gastric! I'll pay for the petrol!
291
00:20:13,730 --> 00:20:16,570
No, this is me saying no.
292
00:20:19,210 --> 00:20:22,050
Think of the effect
it will have on Madge.
293
00:20:22,090 --> 00:20:24,129
Think of the effect it'll have on me
294
00:20:24,130 --> 00:20:28,330
if Mrs Featherstone
wrecks my Mini! I love that Mini.
295
00:20:28,370 --> 00:20:30,890
Yeah, but you love Madge.
296
00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:35,490
It's not the same. You can't
change their oil or tune anything.
297
00:20:37,490 --> 00:20:43,730
All right. Look at me in the eyes
and imagine that I am Madge.
298
00:20:46,250 --> 00:20:48,010
Where's this going?
299
00:20:48,050 --> 00:20:53,330
Just look at me in the eyes, right?
See the admiration?
300
00:20:55,810 --> 00:20:57,730
You've knocked me off my feet.
301
00:20:57,770 --> 00:21:02,010
Oh, oh, oh! I'm falling for you.
302
00:21:03,570 --> 00:21:07,370
Can't we just stay friends?
Grocer, customer, keep it simple?
303
00:21:09,930 --> 00:21:12,449
Not me, you fool!
304
00:21:12,450 --> 00:21:15,689
It's Madge that's not going
to be able to resist you.
305
00:21:15,690 --> 00:21:17,370
Oh, I'm glad about that.
306
00:21:18,410 --> 00:21:20,730
For a moment, I nearly
cancelled me bacon order.
307
00:21:23,850 --> 00:21:28,769
Look, Gastric. Listen,
this could be your moment.
308
00:21:28,770 --> 00:21:33,330
You could be the man who taught the
Black Widow the three-point turn!
309
00:21:37,090 --> 00:21:40,650
I can't believe Gastric's
going to step into a car with
310
00:21:40,690 --> 00:21:42,090
Mrs Featherstone driving.
311
00:21:42,130 --> 00:21:44,330
I mean, he's not stupid.
312
00:21:44,370 --> 00:21:48,049
It was only yesterday you were
telling him he WAS stupid.
313
00:21:48,050 --> 00:21:51,449
Well, he is stupid,
but he's not this stupid.
314
00:21:51,450 --> 00:21:53,290
You like him, don't you?
315
00:21:53,330 --> 00:21:56,210
You get used to him, he's amiable.
316
00:21:56,250 --> 00:21:58,330
It's like having your
own black Labrador.
317
00:22:01,010 --> 00:22:04,210
Right, I'll be off, then.
318
00:22:04,250 --> 00:22:06,450
Don't think you're
impressing anybody.
319
00:22:06,490 --> 00:22:08,089
She's lying.
320
00:22:08,090 --> 00:22:10,929
How far do you think you're
going with this woman, then?
321
00:22:10,930 --> 00:22:15,209
A couple of hill starts,
reversing around corners.
322
00:22:15,210 --> 00:22:19,250
She's too fast for YOU.
What do YOU care? I don't.
323
00:22:19,290 --> 00:22:22,290
Oh, for goodness' sake, just
grab him and take him inside!
324
00:22:25,570 --> 00:22:26,970
What's that stuff?
325
00:22:27,010 --> 00:22:30,450
It's called Butch, glad you like it.
326
00:22:30,490 --> 00:22:32,489
Well, you'd better come in, anyway.
327
00:22:32,490 --> 00:22:35,690
Where's she going
with my qualified driver?
328
00:22:36,770 --> 00:22:38,169
Granville?
329
00:22:38,170 --> 00:22:41,570
You've only to say the word,
and I would give up driving
330
00:22:41,610 --> 00:22:43,249
AND Mr Newbold.
331
00:22:43,250 --> 00:22:47,690
Oh, no, no, no! I tell you what,
Mrs Featherstone,
332
00:22:47,730 --> 00:22:51,449
you get in the car,
and I'll be your qualified driver.
333
00:22:51,450 --> 00:22:54,050
Oh, Granville! Oh!
334
00:22:56,370 --> 00:22:57,410
Oh!
335
00:23:00,490 --> 00:23:03,930
Goodbye, Mavis. Goodbye, Granville.
336
00:23:03,970 --> 00:23:06,170
I... Leroy! Yes?
337
00:23:06,210 --> 00:23:07,810
You look after the shop.
338
00:23:10,250 --> 00:23:11,490
Be careful!
339
00:23:27,290 --> 00:23:29,330
Where'd you get the key?
340
00:23:29,370 --> 00:23:31,290
I borrowed it from Kath.
341
00:23:31,330 --> 00:23:33,249
Does she know?
342
00:23:33,250 --> 00:23:35,649
Do you tell your wife everything?
343
00:23:35,650 --> 00:23:37,690
She usually finds out anyway.
344
00:23:38,690 --> 00:23:40,610
What colour's your cardigan?
345
00:23:40,650 --> 00:23:42,369
Sort of grey.
346
00:23:42,370 --> 00:23:44,009
Nothing flash, then?
347
00:23:44,010 --> 00:23:45,570
You can't always go flash.
348
00:23:46,610 --> 00:23:48,370
What's wrong with comfort?
349
00:23:48,410 --> 00:23:50,450
Even if it's sort of grey?
350
00:23:50,490 --> 00:23:53,690
I've found it! Hey!
351
00:23:53,730 --> 00:23:55,730
Hey, you're right!
352
00:23:55,770 --> 00:23:56,930
It's really grey.
353
00:24:01,250 --> 00:24:04,289
I knew you would! You stole my key!
354
00:24:04,290 --> 00:24:05,930
Hey, b-b-b-borrowed!
355
00:24:08,170 --> 00:24:11,690
Kath, I love this cardigan.
356
00:24:11,730 --> 00:24:15,250
You promised to forsake all others.
357
00:24:15,290 --> 00:24:16,649
But not cardigans.
358
00:24:16,650 --> 00:24:18,170
May I suggest... No!
359
00:24:21,050 --> 00:24:25,090
What you can do, if you want
this old thing, is buy it!
360
00:24:26,850 --> 00:24:28,170
Me own cardigan!
361
00:24:28,210 --> 00:24:32,330
Which is now for sale
on my stall for charity.
362
00:24:40,410 --> 00:24:42,650
Aftersales promotion included?
363
00:24:43,970 --> 00:24:45,730
Terms and conditions apply.
364
00:24:48,370 --> 00:24:49,370
Oh!
365
00:24:52,210 --> 00:24:54,090
Oh, dear!
366
00:24:55,250 --> 00:24:58,929
Oh, please, Mrs Featherstone!
367
00:24:58,930 --> 00:25:01,570
I'm sure
that's not in the Highway Code.
368
00:25:02,810 --> 00:25:05,449
Oh, get out of it!
369
00:25:05,450 --> 00:25:07,650
No! Help! Get off!
370
00:25:07,690 --> 00:25:08,690
Help! Help!
371
00:25:10,410 --> 00:25:12,730
Granville should be back by now.
372
00:25:12,770 --> 00:25:14,930
I'm worried
the Black Widow's whipped him away
373
00:25:14,970 --> 00:25:16,130
for a weekend in Whitby.
374
00:25:16,170 --> 00:25:18,210
They do good fish and chips.
375
00:25:18,250 --> 00:25:20,170
That won't be why.
376
00:25:20,210 --> 00:25:22,930
This is like teach yourself boredom.
377
00:25:22,970 --> 00:25:24,770
Oh, well, what's the hurry?
378
00:25:24,810 --> 00:25:26,769
Hey, we've still got to
wait for Willis anyway.
379
00:25:26,770 --> 00:25:28,530
That's if his mum lets him out.
380
00:25:31,050 --> 00:25:32,410
It's Granville.
381
00:25:32,450 --> 00:25:33,450
Where are you?
382
00:25:35,170 --> 00:25:37,290
No, the shop is fine!
383
00:25:39,730 --> 00:25:41,970
What do you mean, you're in a ditch?
384
00:25:42,010 --> 00:25:44,610
You're waiting for a tow?
Are you both all right?
385
00:25:47,130 --> 00:25:48,410
You sound out of breath.
386
00:25:52,090 --> 00:25:55,449
Well, finally, Willis.
387
00:25:55,450 --> 00:25:58,409
Hello, Beth.
You don't say hello to me?
388
00:25:58,410 --> 00:26:00,650
Well, I was about to.
389
00:26:00,690 --> 00:26:02,569
I don't know what's going off there.
390
00:26:02,570 --> 00:26:04,450
Can hear all sorts of weird noises.
391
00:26:04,490 --> 00:26:06,330
How long's he going to be?
392
00:26:06,370 --> 00:26:07,970
I've no idea.
393
00:26:08,010 --> 00:26:09,090
Come on, Willis.
394
00:26:09,130 --> 00:26:10,610
Where to?
395
00:26:10,650 --> 00:26:12,290
Round here's private as it gets.
396
00:26:12,330 --> 00:26:13,930
Well, what's round here?
397
00:26:13,970 --> 00:26:15,290
Let's find out.
398
00:26:15,330 --> 00:26:17,010
Where's your sense of adventure?
399
00:26:20,250 --> 00:26:21,290
Oh!
400
00:26:25,690 --> 00:26:28,930
That sounds just like the noises
on the phone, that.
401
00:26:28,970 --> 00:26:30,530
Do you think he'll be all right?
402
00:26:30,570 --> 00:26:32,130
He's doing better than you are.
403
00:26:33,890 --> 00:26:34,890
Well, then.
404
00:26:36,850 --> 00:26:38,770
Welcome to my parlour.
405
00:26:38,810 --> 00:26:39,890
What's behind there?
406
00:26:42,130 --> 00:26:43,130
A mouse with a bad leg.
407
00:26:44,370 --> 00:26:45,849
Just the one?
408
00:26:45,850 --> 00:26:48,649
Well,
unless they're all faking a bad leg.
409
00:26:48,650 --> 00:26:52,729
Oh! I like it - you're looking
after an injured mouse.
410
00:26:52,730 --> 00:26:54,170
Which does remind me, actually.
411
00:26:54,210 --> 00:26:56,450
Shall we check on him...
No! ..cos I can't...?
412
00:27:17,850 --> 00:27:19,130
Winkey.
413
00:27:32,490 --> 00:27:35,530
Oh! It's been a longish day.
414
00:27:36,770 --> 00:27:38,930
What have we learned?
415
00:27:38,970 --> 00:27:43,010
Hm! Never spend time in a ditch
with Mrs Featherstone.
416
00:27:44,090 --> 00:27:47,850
She can change gear faster
than I can reverse.
417
00:27:49,490 --> 00:27:54,370
That woman has her own version
of how to park in a confined space.
418
00:27:58,050 --> 00:28:02,010
People think her trouble is
she drives too fast.
419
00:28:05,570 --> 00:28:09,170
They should see how she moves
when the vehicle's stationary.
420
00:28:10,650 --> 00:28:13,210
I love it, and it's vegetarian.
421
00:28:16,570 --> 00:28:18,929
When's your next driving lesson?
422
00:28:18,930 --> 00:28:22,770
Go on, on your way,
and mind that sloth!
423
00:28:24,090 --> 00:28:26,570
I don't want you coming home
smiling as
424
00:28:26,610 --> 00:28:28,970
though you've just come
back from Madagascar.
31547
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
