Original subtitles

(howling)

(jet passing overhead)

- [Man] Mister Hazard.

- Please, Hank sir.

- Hank.

Look, things aren't going well here at the airline,

and it's my unfortunate luck

to get the job of finding out why.

We've looked into whether it should be peanuts or pretzels,

olives or croutons,

canned or bottled soda.

Nobody likes to fly,

and they really don't like to fly on our carrier.

For a year now we've been planting our people

on competitors' airlines,

trying to figure out what they do better, and why.

But at the end of the day, we're still behind.

We gotta find a way out of this slump we're in.

The official title is Marketing Assessor,

but I won't lie to you kid,

you're gonna be James Bonding it at 40,000 feet.

- So just watching the employees?

Making sure they're doing their job?

- You're gonna have to be a very high-maintenance passenger.

Blankets, pillows, hotter food, colder drinks,

you get the picture?

All right, I want scrupulous notes.

How's the Captain's tone when addressing the passengers?

Are the flight attendants smiling and attentive?

- I get it.

My sister's a cop.

So what you need is a snitch.

(blues music)

(muffled voice on flight radio)

(phone ringing)

- Hey baby.

Yeah.

Hold on, slow down.

I thought we agreed marriage wasn't necessary for us to--

What?

(blues music)

(voice on flight radio)

(eerie music)

- Look, I gotta get on that flight to Amsterdam,

I need to.

- Sir, we have no control over the weather.

Now I can get you on a flight tomorrow.

- No.

Look, I'm sorry.

Please, isn't there anything you can do?

Get me on another flight, another airline, anything.

- I can get you a voucher.

- My grandmother's dying, all right?

And her last dying wish was to see me

one more time before she passed away.

Please?

- I'm Dutch too.

Dutch grandmothers don't take their last wishes lightly.

- They do not,

so you understand my predicament, right?

- I can get you on Transatlantic Flight 1945.

Leaves in two hours.

- Okay.

(crickets chirping)

(dog barking)

- Perry?

What are you doing here?

(mumbling)

What about that job lead I gave you, what about that?

- I got hired.

Then I got fired,

on the same day.

- Well them maybe the problem isn't me Perry,

like you keep claiming.

Maybe the problem is you, like I have,

I have stated on my last three job reviews.

Maybe the problem is that you do everything haphazardly,

without any thought or reason to your decision-making.

You couldn't carry out a plan

if your life depended on it.

- Maybe.

Maybe not.

- Why are you here, Perry?

What do you want?

- Shut up, Miles.

Just shut up.

I'm going to talk, and here's how it's going to happen.

You're going to call Maggie,

and tell her you won't be at work for a couple of days.

Then you're going to give me

your ID badge and system password.

And if you don't do exactly what I say, well.

- [Miles] What?

- Uh.

(light instrumental music)

- That is when I knew that he wasn't for me.

So, I am taking this trip without him,

the first step in healing.

Yeah I just,

I had to ask myself,

why would I waste my life on some dope

who treats me like crap?

- You're overweight.

- It was like eight pounds.

I had a bad week with some croissants,

and that is it.

- The baggage.

- Yeah, of course there's baggage.

We dated for two years,

I'm not gonna get over him overnight.

- The weight limit is 75 pounds.

(beeping)

- Oh.

- I'm gonna need a credit card.

- Yeah.

(eerie music)

(mumbling)

- James Lawrence.

- Danny McSweeney.

- McSweeney?

McSweeney.

I don't know if that works for me.

Can I call you McNuggets?

- No, McSweeney's fine.

- No, McNuggets, yeah yeah, you'll learn to love it.

You do know who the Captain is on this flight, don't you?

- No, actually I haven't looked at the crew roster yet.

- You don't?

The Captain, it's CJ Brewster-Yarley.

Yeah, she's the one.

- The one?

- You haven't heard of her?

She crash-landed the MD-80

in the Bermuda Triangle nine years ago.

It was the last recorded water landing

of a jetliner, till the Hudson landing.

She's a legend, you seriously haven't heard of her?

Okay, you know about the blog though, right?

- What blog?

- The blog.

It started about her.

Okay, the deal is, if you fly with her

you have to add a comment about your experience.

It's totally anonymous.

When you have some time,

you've gotta read the posts, they are hilarious.

You should never ask her about it, ever.

- I'm GiGi, two capital G's.

Is there a problem?

- No ma'am, we're fine.

- Don't call me ma'am.

Why in the world do you think I would have

introduced myself as GiGi?

- Gonna be a long flight.

- I am 55 years old,

and if you think for one second

I'm gonna take a lip off a first officer,

you better be packing a parachute,

because halfway across the Atlantic you're gonna wanna jump.

- Seriously, just retract the claws, okay?

I knew I should have packed a rope.

Gonna need a lasso to wrestle your hormones to the ground.

You are gonna learn to love me, okay?

Hi.

(in foreign language)

- I'm sorry.

Look, I know, I know it's late.

Idya, you've got to speak English,

I don't sprachen ze dutch.

- [Idya] It's a shame Jaap.

A real shame your parents never instilled

your Dutch heritage.

I don't understand it.

Not a bit of it.

- Look, there's been a,

there's been a slight change in plans, all right?

The flight I was on, it got canceled,

so I had to switch airlines.

- [Oma] Call me Oma.

Our blood is in each other's veins.

I believe the word is granny in English, Jaap.

- I've never gone by Jaap.

I've been trying to keep a low profile, okay?

The article about your diamonds has my name in it.

It says everything about the diamonds.

Do you know how much I'm risking here for you?

Somebody could be watching me, following me.

I have a million dollars worth of diamonds on me.

- [Oma] For me Jaap?

Ah, don't kid yourself.

You're in this for you, too, are you not?

- How do you know I won't just

take the diamonds and split,

just like your old man boyfriend did.

- [Oma] Jaap, you are a Van Der Mark.

Van Der Marks have nobility and character.

- So we've still got a deal then?

I return your diamonds,

and we split the money.

- [Oma] That is the deal.

- I gotta go.

Somebody might be watching me.

- [Oma] Don't let this get the best of you, Jaap.

What could possibly happen to you on an airplane?

- Weather could be a problem

as we had to Iceland for the refuel.

Also, we have an impaired one onboard,

and the FBI is extraditing a Dutch prisoner

back to the Netherlands.

That's it.

Let's go.

- I eat First Officers for breakfast.

- Obviously, you're not missing any meals.

See ya onboard, sweetheart.

- Why are you harassing flight attendants?

- Ignore them, Danny.

They're not called the slam and clicks for nothing.

It's the slam and clicks,

when they slam the cockpit door and it--

Never mind.

But it's the same thing every time.

After we land, what do they want?

Dinner, on us.

The thing's making me really nervous.

It could happen to us, you know.

- Murdered by flight attendants,

now that's a real possibility.

- Ha ha ha, I'm talking about the curse.

- What curse?

- Ever since that Bermuda Triangle landing,

at least one really bizarre thing

happens to the Captain every year.

She's had an eagle hit her windshield.

Her landing gear has gotten stuck like four times.

In London, her passengers had to be quarantined

on the tarmac because of the bird flu.

- Yeah, well maybe Sasquatch will be onboard next.

- Don't get me started on Sasquatch.

I've got stories.

So what, are you one of these people

that doesn't even believe

the Bermuda Triangle stuff is real?

- I think everything has an explanation.

- Explanation, okay, all right, what about ghosts, huh?

Do you have an explanation for that?

No, I didn't think so.

I've actually been ghost hunting before.

- [Danny] Really?

- Yeah, a couple times, it's crazy stuff.

I'm going again next month.

You should check it out sometime.

I mean, if you think you could handle it.

I'll tell you one thing man,

it takes nerves of steel

to just face down the dead,

staring back at you.

And I'm not just talking about GiGi.

She kind of reminds me of a ghost.

You know, all pale, and creepy eyes.

Is she following?

She is weird.

And you know what?

The Captain, I hear she is weird too.

- As long as she can fly a plane,

I don't really care if she's Amelia freakin' Earhart.

- Well somebody's having a bad morning.

- Look, sorry my,

my girlfriend just broke up with me.

- Yeah, I heard.

I already broadcasted it all over twitter.

You're welcome.

- What are you looking for?

- Not what, who.

Just one guy.

(muffled speaking)

- This glass only goes one way, right?

- Yeah, it should be.

- [Woman Behind Glass] Unbelievable.

- Well that's settled.

She'll be handing over her firearm

once we get the prisoner seated in the back of the plane.

We're gonna board them first,

and then we're gonna secure that down in the cockpit.

- Why not let her just keep the gun?

That's always been procedure with the FBI.

- I am the Captain of this plane.

I won't have a dangerous weapon in the cabin.

She's fine with it.

- [Cop] No I'm not asking.

- Let's get Agent Tasler and her prisoner to the plane.

- Oh you think this is funny?

- What are you waiting for Bubba?

- It's actually Danny.

- Not today it's not.

- I told you, she's weird.

So what'd this guy do?

Rob a nursing home?

- [Tasler] That's what happens,

you happened to draw my name.

(pig oinking)

- I just assumed it would be a dog,

but a hog?

A fat, pot-bellied thing on a leash?

It's got a snout.

- Her name is Anna Sue Givens.

- I see.

- And she doesn't,

thus the animal.

- Shut up.

We can't have a pig on this flight.

Before she can see it.

Are we gonna get it into a seat?

- All right, I just talked to the Disability Act specialist.

In order for her to bring the animal onboard,

she has to have proper accreditation, and certification.

She's got all the appropriate paperwork

for a companion animal.

- It's not a seeing-eye pig?

- No, no, they can be used for other purposes like,

children who've been traumatized, or cancer,

or people in hospice, or trauma victims.

And in this case, the emotionally challenged.

These are very well-trained animals,

especially on public transportation.

And you can't ask her anything else

about her disability.

You're welcome Anna Sue, show her to her seat.

When we begin boarding passengers,

I want you to discreetly ask

if anyone has any sleeping pills.

- And now we have to travel with farm animals?

- We're gonna drug the heck out of that pork.

- [Woman] My mother is 103 years old,

and she subjects me to this.

- Welcome aboard.

It's hot in here.

Welcome aboard.

- Welcome aboard sir.

You don't happen to have any sleeping pills on you do you?

No?

Okay no, thanks, thanks for flying with us.

- Why are you asking passengers for sleeping pills?

- Just rollin' with it, Captain's orders.

- She's so weird.

Welcome aboard.

- She's a Euro, you know.

Welcome.

Thanks.

- I think I'll go hunt down the pig lady

and make sure she's comfortable.

What was her name again?

- It's Anna Sue.

Or Anna Sue-eee.

You don't like that?

I've got some names for you too.

Hey, I actually have some pills.

- Sleeping pills?

James, you can't have sleeping pills on you.

- You want them or not?

Just take 'em.

(mischievous music)

- This is gonna be a long flight.

20E's already asking for a blanket,

and we haven't even shut the cabin door yet.

And did you see that guy up there clutching his stomach?

Vomit and a hot cabin don't mix.

- A gun on a plane.

- He's looking at me.

- I got those pills you asked for.

- What pills?

- Sleeping pills, that you asked for.

- Bubba, I was kidding.

Did you think I was gonna crush them up

and feed them to the pig in applesauce?

- Does he have a ticket?

Is it a gold star member?

What has happened to this industry?

- Give me some applesauce, now.

- Wait, seriously?

- Bubba, do I look like I'm kidding?

- Need some help?

- No I'm fine, I just have a bad back.

- Bad back, bad stomach,

this may be a long flight for you.

And you're hot too.

- Thanks?

- You're sweating.

- Right, it's hot in here.

- Thank you.

That's what I said.

- That's me.

- [Man] Here?

Sure.

- Thanks.

Sorry, thank you.

- Oh, Miss?

Can I get another blanket?

- Sure.

- Thank you.

- Fine day for a flight.

- Aren't we breaking the law here?

Like several laws?

- No, it's a companion animal,

so it wouldn't help her off the airplane in an emergency.

If that pig, or that old woman, for that matter,

gets out of control,

we're gonna have serious problems over the Atlantic.

Anna Sue will be just fine with that pig

sleeping next to her.

- Can we get some air going back here?

It's a furnace.

- It'll cool off once we're in the air.

- Did you just tell me to cool off?

- A little bit, yeah.

Applesauce?

- GiGi's asking if we can turn on the APU, to get more air.

- It's my experience Bubba

that we are dealing with hot flashes.

Transatlantic flight attendants are of a certain age.

I've got a trick.

Put it outside the cockpit door.

It has a magnet on it.

They think they have control over the air.

Totally shuts down all complaints.

Works like a charm.

- I'll be right back.

Welcome.

- What's that?

- Oh, I was just fiddlin' with the thermostat.

- What thermostat?

- Boeing installed them

so the air can be controlled inside the cabin.

- I'm Hank.

- Lucy.

- Hi.

- You're very nice.

It's really weird to find a nice person.

But my thoughts are sending out magnetic signals

that draw all the peril back to me.

- Wow.

So what takes you to the Netherlands?

- I was supposed to take this trip with my boyfriend,

but then I was dumped by the guy.

- Oh, sorry.

- I'm revisiting the idea

that I am a whole and happy individual.

Independent, without the need of an alpha male in my life.

- Alpha male, I always wanted to be one of those.

Yeah, that gene just kind of skipped right over me,

and landed on my sister.

(laughing)

She's a cop, and she's really cool.

Taught me everything she knows,

except how to be tough.

- Alpha's overrated.

Trust me.

(dramatic instrumental music) (muffled male speaking)

- Are you okay?

- I filleth myself up with positive energy.

- Secure the doors and prepare

for takeoff. - Hold on,

we've got trouble.

We're boarding an aircraft inspector.

- I don't have to tell you, no screw-ups.

We have to be flawless.

When I was a first officer,

I saw a Captain lose their career because of an ACI.

Nothing, nothing, can go wrong.

Thanks, clear to depart.

Taxi runway 16 right

via taxi window November Charlie,

giving away to American 357 on November Charlie.

I need the taxi checklist.

Don't ever be late to one of my flights again.

- Good morning ladies and gentlemen,

welcome aboard Atlantica flight 1945,

service to Amsterdam.

I'm First Officer Danny McSweeney,

you Captain today is CJ Brewster-Yarley,

and we also have First Officer James Lawrence.

We're currently taxiing to position,

should be ready for takeoff her in a few minutes.

There is a bit of a line up there,

so we'll do our best to get you

in the air as soon as possible.

Weather in Amsterdam is currently pleasant.

- See, as if they're God, and can predict the weather.

- Our flight'll be landing in Amsterdam,

and we don't anticipate any major weather problems.

On behalf of this Atlanta-based crew,

welcome aboard.

(dramatic orchestral music)

- Are you okay?

- I'm fine.

It's just a test that he's on this flight.

See it, believe it, receive it.

See it, believe it, receive it.

I have the power to live a fulfilled

and successful life.

Yeah.

- Good.

- WWOD.

What would Oprah do?

I just have to figure out what Oprah would do.

What would she do?

- I thought we'd give our honored guest a special treat.

- Oh, that's so nice of you.

But I can only feed him a specialized diet onboard,

or he might have stomach troubles,

and then I'd have to get out the Depends.

Oh, oh he does love applesauce.

Thank you for your kindness.

I know people don't like pigs,

but if they could just know Chucky,

how sweet he is, how smart too.

This one time an animal control officer

tried to tranquilize him.

And it's like he knew the man's intentions.

(bell ringing)

- Oh, is that milk and cookies again?

What does he want now, a massage?

Go tell that freak in 20E

that there's 202 other passengers onboard.

- Okay.

I'm gonna put the 'out of order' sign up on the bathroom.

Why does something always have to break?

- Make sure we deliver a meal to the ACI, too.

- Okay.

I'll get Danny's too.

What?

He's cute.

- Speaking from experience Kim, don't fall for a pilot.

It's like a nurse falling for a doctor.

Besides being cliche, it rarely works.

- I don't know.

Danny doesn't seem to have an ego.

- That's because James gobbled it up.

- Come on.

I've met some nice pilots.

- You're still single, right Kim?

You'd better start putting two and two together.

I've been doing this a long time.

We're just entertainment for the night.

Keep it impersonal with the guys up there.

When we land, make them buy you dinner, and that's it.

- You two okay?

- We're fine.

(light orchestral music)

- You know, I'm a pilot myself.

- Interesting.

- I pilot the global high airship.

Ever heard of it?

Those guys up there,

they're just airborne computer operators.

But my ship,

that's all skill and talent.

You get hit with a burst of wind in a blimp,

and it can kill you.

70,000 cubic feet of helium.

Six inches taller than a 747.

Anyone can fly a plane.

But can they hover over a baseball stadium?

Name's Eddie.

- Jake.

- Jake, sorry about the sweat, it's bare on my arm.

You gotta have a bladder of steel too, Jake.

Ain't no bathroom on a blimp.

Ka chung.

You know there's only 150 airship pilots

in the entire world.

That's 1-5-O.

More people have flown the space shuttle.

Space shuttle, overrated, don't get me started.

(farting)

You might want to turn your fan on,

I ate at a Burrito Barn last night.

- Maybe it's broken.

I wonder if I should push this thing again?

- What, what do you need now?

- I don't have a barf bag.

- Are you gonna barf?

- Maybe.

Probably not but. - Oh my gosh.

Take mine, take mine.

- I want my own barf bag, thank you very much.

- Hank, flight attendants really don't like

high-maintenance passengers.

- Did you not hear them over the PA a minute ago?

- Mm-hmm.

- We're here to serve you.

- They didn't mean that.

- Well I'm gonna give 'em the benefit of the doubt.

- You're really one of a kind, you know that?

I mean today there is too much doubt,

and too little benefit.

There is like no negative energy around you.

How do you do that?

- Yeah, I want to get a barf bag.

(bell ringing)

- Sir, are you okay?

- Why?

- Your call light,

and you're sweating.

You want to go check the air?

They installed a thermostat.

- I was just hoping that I could change seats.

- I have EMT training.

- Something with a little more room.

- Well, there a couple of free seats

in the very back next to the bathroom,

but people typically don't--

- I'll take it.

- Was it the Burrito Barn?

- Please.

(light instrumental music)

- He usually doesn't nap.

Are we gonna hit turbulence?

- Ma'am we fly thousands of flights

over the Atlantic every day.

- Are we gonna hit turbulence?

- Well, if we do, when you have your seatbelt on,

then you'll be fine.

- As long as I have Chucky.

(light orchestral music)

- All right, trying to get the temperature

back up where it needs to be in here.

Don't let GiGi touch that thing, she's insane.

- [Kim] She's crazy, she's gonna kill you

when she finds out.

- Everything going okay back here?

- You're gonna have to be more specific.

- The pig minding his manners?

- Better than 20E.

You seem like a good guy Danny.

I hope you stay that way.

Be faithful to your wife and kids.

I guess you have your hands full, huh?

That Captain, what a whack job, right?

- The ACI was talking during his stay on the cockpit.

Let me know if people start howling and growing fangs.

- Listen,

the conversation was kind of lacking in there.

I need good conversation.

I thrive on it.

Okay, and the ACI's kind of a dud, by the way.

So to liven things up,

I happened to mention to the Captain about your

relationship status.

- You what?

- She was asking, I mean what was I supposed to say?

She point-blank asked,

okay she didn't ask, but she like, implied it.

I read body language like, really well, okay.

She was talking about engine remodels of the MD-80,

but I understood the metaphor

that she was getting at.

- What'd you tell her, James?

- How she dumped you,

excited, lack of a strong commitment.

Trust me, you're gonna thank me for this, okay?

Otherwise, you are in for a very long flight,

full of very dull conversation.

And if things get too dull,

you'd probably say something stupid like,

hey Captain, why don't you tell me about Bermuda?

- I don't even talk like that.

- Sir, if you had an ex-girlfriend onboard

what would you do?

- I've never actually dated anyone.

Yeah, it's true, I'm kind of shy.

- You don't seem shy to me.

- That's because you're very easy to talk to.

- That's very sweet of you to say.

- It's true.

- You know what, who cares if he is on this plane too?

I am a complete happy person, without him.

I'm happy without him.

They have the coolest things in here.

Who cares if he brought a woman on this trip with him,

right after our breakup?

Right?

- Right.

- I mean that doesn't make me any less of a person, right?

- No.

- Bun warmer.

- Are you sure you're okay?

- Look at this calf massager.

- I remember when they used to let kids up in the cockpit.

They used to serve sodas in glasses.

Some planes had bars.

Times sure have changed.

- Indeed.

- So Bubba, tell me about this girl.

James tells me you're disengaged.

- I'm not, her name was Maya, is Maya.

She's not dead.

Maybe thinking about her like that'll

help me get through it all but,

corpses are definitely less hot.

But I don't like dead--

- You're still in love with her?

- I crashed and burned.

It happens, right?

Usually not after six years but,

you know about crashing and burning with Bermuda and all.

- I just brought him a soda,

now he wants a coffee?

- I'm this close to accidentally spilling--

(bell ringing)

- Gigi?

- Step aside, back to your seats, right now everyone!

- I think that pig made a pass at her.

- My mother, I can't wake her up.

- [GiGi] Let's see if we have a doctor onboard,

and alert the cockpit.

Ma'am.

- She's not responding.

- I can help.

- Are you a doctor?

- No, I'm an airship pilot.

But before that, I was a lifeguard.

I have EMT training.

I can do CPR.

Step aside people.

Give me some room.

Ma'am?

- We've already tried that.

- I'm gonna have to start CPR.

- You can't.

Do not resuscitate papers.

She's wanted to die since she turned 88.

It specifically says in these

to not revive her by any means.

- She's dead anyway.

In these cases, we used to use CPR

to make everybody feel better.

- What's going on?

- What's going on is that my mother is dead,

and it's because of that pig.

- Cause of death, unknown.

- Let's get her some water.

- [Eddie] It's too late for that.

- To let that beast onboard?

This is an elderly woman.

How is she supposed to react to conditions like this?

I am going to sue.

- Ma'am, what was your Mom's name?

- Henrietta.

Everyone called her Hettie.

She hated to be called Missus anything.

- Hettie, I like that name.

My name's Hank.

What's your name?

- To you young man, I'm Missus Kilpatrick.

- Well, Missus Kilpatrick,

I know this has got to be really difficult on you.

I lost my Mom pretty unexpectedly too.

- I was taking her back to her birthplace.

My father's buried there.

Died 30 years ago.

She was longing to see her homeland again.

- I'm so sorry.

- Sir, will you stay with Missus Kilpatrick

while I confer with my pilots.

- Sure, of course.

- While you're at it,

get in touch with your airline's attorneys.

- All right, we've a lot of things to discuss.

We've passed Gander, so we're gonna have to on to Iceland.

James, get Iceland, tell them we're declaring an emergency.

- May I remind everyone

we have an emotionally challenged woman onboard,

and I'm not talking about the dead lady's daughter.

- We're going to have a lot of distressed passengers,

we need to remain calm.

- [James] 1945 requesting (muffled).

- And we're gonna have to move the body.

That's protocol, correct Mister Smilt?

- [James] We are declaring an emergency,

a passenger is deceased,

of natural causes.

- The last thing that we need

is a body flying through the air if we hit turbulence.

We'll move all the passengers forward,

we'll buckle her in, second to the last row.

- [James] Affirmative.

- We're still proceeding on to the Netherlands though.

- [James] Nationality is American.

- But that's my call Mister Smilt.

I'll decide when we land in Iceland.

- Bad news, just talked to Iceland.

They won't receive her since she's not a national.

Once we refuel, they instructed us

to continue on to Amsterdam with the body.

- [Danny] But why me?

- You asked about Bermuda,

and also because we need someone likable.

You have that affect on people.

- No I don't, GiGi hates me.

- It's true, I do.

- Plus, I wouldn't even know what to say

to Missus Kilpatrick.

- Who's gonna move the body?

- GiGi, start moving everyone forward.

Bubba's gonna do that, too.

- What but?

- And get that passenger that offered to help,

Hank was his name, get him to help you move the body,

and you're finished moving the body, go check on Anna Sue.

It's vital she remain calm.

- Anna Sue is already about to chew

a hole through her lip at the possibility of turbulence.

I'm not emotionally challenged,

and I'm about to assume the fetal position.

- Bubba can handle her,

I'll make an announcement from the cockpit.

Now let's go.

- I'll bet you've never had

this much fun on a flight before.

A pig, a dead woman,

a Gigi.

Hey what does protocol say about hormonal flight attendants?

- Yeah, she's a piece.

I mean, she's a piece of work.

- You think it would be considered like,

I don't know, rude, to ask her to have her uterus removed?

You know for the betterment of society.

(laughing)

- I'm fine, I'm just, I'm worried about her daughter.

- I know, what a horrible woman.

There's no telling what she's gonna do next.

- She's just upset about her mom, that's all.

- Excuse me,

I'm sure you're due for a pillow fluffing,

but the Captain needs your assistance.

Come with me.

- Sure, of course.

- You sure you can handle moving the dead lady?

- Hettie, yeah, I'll be fine.

- You can't tell me Missus Kilpatrick

didn't realize her mom's time might be near.

She's just using the pig as an excuse.

- I think she's genuinely upset about her mom.

I mean, cut her some slack.

It's hard to lose a parent.

- [CJ] Ladies and gentlemen,

this is your Captain speaking.

If you are seated in the back of the cabin,

we're going to move you forward

to a new seat assignment.

After that, we will be moving the deceased woman

and her family to the back of the aircraft.

Now we will be continuing on

to our destination of Amsterdam.

We are approximately five and a half hours out.

We will be doing everything that we can

to make your flight as comfortable as possible.

Thank you.

- Sir, I must insist that you move forward.

- I,

I just want to be near,

near a bathroom.

- Doesn't this bother you, the body being there?

- No, I'm fine.

I just want to feel safe,

safely by a bathroom.

How did she die?

- Natural causes, like being old is dirt.

- I'm fine, thank you.

- This is a good crew, Missus Kilpatrick.

They're gonna take good care of you and your mom.

- Young man, my mother would have approved of you.

- Let me know if there's anything else

we can do for you, okay ma'am?

- Just get me on the ground.

(eerie music)

- I have never actually seen anyone

shop on an airplane,

with that magazine.

I fly nearly once a week.

- They actually have some pretty cool things in here,

so maybe you should look at it from a different perspective.

- Oh I am, trust me.

- What did you do back there?

- I helped move the woman that died.

- Disgusting.

- Look at this!

This waters 14 plants while you're away, 14.

And this lantern stays lit for 10 days.

It is perfect if the world is coming to an end.

Oh a calf massager.

- Sure, and I suppose that calf massager

will come in handy during Armageddon, too.

- Yeah, and I'll be that Rolex tells time

in some extraordinary way.

- Takes a year to build one of these.

- Hmm, good use of time.

(jet engines running)

- Thank you.

I mean you didn't have to--

- Stand up for a new-found friend?

I'm tougher than I look.

- You know what, me too.

I'm gonna use the bathroom back there.

I'm gonna march past him,

head held high,

and show him that I am on this plane too,

and I am moving on with my life.

I'm gonna stare him down,

and not even blink.

- I'm not so sure that's really a good idea, though.

Lucy?

(woman laughing)

- She is something else.

She got a guy in her life?

- They were kissing, they were kissing.

She was practically on his lap!

Oh my God.

And her cleavage.

- Okay,

calm down. - On her cleavage.

- Take a deep breath.

Relax.

Lucy.

- I'm not (muffled).

He is barred from my world.

- Relax.

- I am de-breathing him.

Expelling the last drops of oxygen.

That's really not necessary Hank.

- Here, use this.

- Oh dear, I'll go get some more paper towels.

This whole ordeal has just been stressful for everyone.

It's just so hot in here.

- Thank you.

You're gonna be fine.

- I just need some water, that's all.

- No, I mean in life.

You're gonna be just fine.

You're gonna get through this.

You're a strong person, I can tell.

- Thank you, Hank.

That's really sweet.

I need you to pause at my boyfriend.

- Captain, I am so sorry.

I didn't mean to mention your Bermuda incident.

It just sort of slipped out.

I didn't want to talk about Maya, and I just,

I don't want to lose this job.

I love flying.

I invested a lot of years into her, it, flying I mean.

- Don't you want to hear about Bermuda?

- Ma'am, I heard you don't like to talk about that.

- Well, where did you hear that?

The blog?

- Yes, I mean no, no, I don't even read that.

I don't, what's a blog?

James told me.

Do you know about that?

- It was a typical day.

Bright blue skies, moderate pax load,

just an ordinary day,

and then we lost power to both engines

and we started dropping.

Now I managed to regain partial power to one engine,

but I wasn't sure if it'd get us back to land.

I had to commit to one way or another.

Either try for land, or put her down in the ocean.

I had a minute to decide.

A week later, I called every passenger

that was aboard the plane that day, and I apologized.

- But it wasn't your fault.

- I'm the Captain, I'm responsible for them.

Every time I hear the wheels touch the runway,

every time I hear

that skidding sound they make, I thank God.

He gives us a lot of second chances, Bubba,

more than we deserve.

- What are you thinking about?

- Milk and cookies, 20E.

There's something about him,

about the way he treated the dead woman,

something about his eyes.

He's just--

- Two decades too young?

(in foreign language)

- Is everything okay?

- We're fine.

- What's the matter with him?

- Nothing.

Apparently he says he has some sort of diarrhea.

(in foreign language)

Or IBS, irritable bowels, I don't know.

He's been doing this for days,

claiming he has diarrhea to get certain perks.

Don't fall for it, I'm not.

A little nothing, he's fine.

- Breakfast will be ready soon.

Maybe that'll make you feel better.

(in foreign language)

All this because I wanted to visit Amsterdam.

I just wanted to see the canals.

This is just a ploy for attention.

Don't fall for it, he's a womanizer,

he's been trying to get one of you flight attendants

to pay him attention this entire flight.

But his English stinks, so he's crashing and burning.

Aren't you, Leendert?

- What if he turns violent?

- He's not violent.

He just stole an old lady's diamonds.

(in foreign language)

Could you maybe just get him an antacid or something?

- I'll see what I can do.

- Of course.

- Me faking it as your boyfriend

is not gonna make you feel any better.

You are a beautiful, intelligent, warm

and very interesting woman.

Jeff, he brought someone onboard with him

because he's insecure.

He feels like he needs someone to make him feel complete,

but you know that doesn't work, right?

It looks like they're busy,

I'm gonna go grab a tissue.

- How long since you broke up?

- Six weeks.

- Ouch.

Broken heart city.

- No it's, it's fine.

It's not broken.

I mean,

it's intact, but it's slightly vulnerable.

But it's like the vulnerability--

- I don't see why we can't make

this putz believe that you've moved on.

- Hank said that.

- Don't listen to that guy.

No offense,

but he's striking me as pretty naive.

If you want advice from someone who's been around the block,

I say, go to the bathroom,

put some extra mascara on,

and let's show this, Jeff,

what he's missed out on.

(thoughtful instrumental music)

- I'd like to see the manifest.

- The manifest, why?

- Yes, thank you.

Protocol.

- [Danny] Protocol, what protocol?

- Something in a memo.

Hand it over.

I don't want any more excuses, okay?

There's been a lot of weird stuff happening on this flight,

and you're flying on thin ice as it is.

- As you well know, the pilots don't keep the manifest,

the flight attendants do, if there's one at all.

- I know that.

Of course I know that.

I know that.

It's just that I've been off the job a while,

and I need some time to get readjusted.

I'm going to inspect the plane.

- Wait, why would an ACI need to inspect the cabin?

- I just need some fresh air.

Just need to stretch my legs.

Don't want to get a blood clot. (laughing)

- Of course, Mister Smilt,

please don't hesitate, take all the time you need.

(sinister orchestral music)

We have a problem.

- We have a problem.

- Protocol?

For what?

- For what I do.

I'm an inspector, with the federal government,

to inspect the plane.

- [GiGi] You're here to inspect the pilots.

We have our own inspectors.

- Yes, well, like everyone else in this industry,

we've had to make changes, cuts, downsizes.

So now I get to do two jobs for the price of one.

(laughing)

I trust your safety demonstration went well?

Everyone know how to release their seatbelts?

All done with smiles on your faces,

even though you know no one's paying attention to you?

- It's a complicated flight.

- I need to see that manifest.

- I'll see if I can locate it, but as you know,

it just lists business class, flying club members,

and people who need assistance.

- That's it?

Not an entire list of people?

(ominous orchestral music) (pig oinking)

- Nobody smelled anything on him?

Notice him pouring anything into his beverage?

- Well let's not rush to judgment.

- I don't know James, that seems to be your specialty.

What do you see?

- I can't tell, people are moving around.

- Greg, can you hear me?

- [Greg] Sure.

- What's happening?

What, what is it?

- It's the pig.

It's hungry.

- I don't know what's happening to him,

I've never seen him act this way.

- You, sit down.

Any guesses?

- Usually he wakes up in a good mood,

and then if he's hungry, he just nuzzles me with his--

Usually he eats grapefruit,

but he slept so long he hasn't eaten in--

- Hours.

- Tell me what we should do.

Does it bite?

I really don't know.

- Kim, look at me.

Go get me milk and cookies.

- Oh he does like chocolate chip.

- [Kim] Okay.

- Is there anything you can take to calm you down?

Did the doctors give you anything.

- The doctors have tried everything.

Nothing works on me, nothing but Chucky.

I've never seen him so mad.

I gotta have him before we land, I have to.

Are we landing?

I feel the airplane moving.

- Yeah, at about 500 miles per hour.

- GiGi, how can I help?

(screaming)

Missus Kilpatrick, I'll handle her.

- Oh, look look, see?

They're giving him their breakfasts.

- Oh, he won't eat tortillas.

- He's a pig.

Shouldn't he just eat like everything,

including the wrapper?

- Well, I might have spoiled him over the years.

But he loves eggs.

They just can't be touching the tortilla,

or served with bacon.

- Okay, I contacted the Captain, and they're working on it.

- Did you tell him that he is roaming around the cabin,

that he is rooting.

Did you use the term, rooting?

- I don't know.

We're figuring out a plan.

They're trying--

- Never mind, I'll do it, I'll handle it.

Mister Van Der Mark, take your seat.

(pig squealing)

- Can I be of assistance?

- I don't know.

Do you have any special training in pig wrangling?

- You don't need to be sarcastic.

- I'm not trying to be sarcastic.

If you haven't noticed,

we have an actual porfunus brutus onboard

that needs to be wrangled back into a seat.

Now if you have any ideas for me, let me know.

Otherwise, take a seat.

- Call the pig by name.

- What?

- Just trust me, it'll make him less scary.

- It would help if he didn't share his name

with a mass-murdering doll.

(pig squealing)

- Ladies and gentlemen,

may I have your complete and full attention.

Obviously, this is a strange situation,

but I want to to assure you

that you're not in danger.

Everybody is safe.

The pig is a service animal, and he is highly trained.

His name is Chucky,

and he loves chocolate chip cookies.

He also likes scrambled eggs.

He doesn't like tortillas, or bacon.

Here's what we want to do,

for those of you who have so generously

offered Chucky your breakfast, and placed it in the aisle,

would you please bend over and pick it up and unwrap it,

and place the egg only into the aisle.

That would really help us out, thank you.

And we know you're still hungry.

But we will will be serving all you can eat pretzels.

Thank you for your cooperation in this matter,

and thank you for flying Atlantica.

- I need more time to think.

- Ma'am, with all due respect,

I think we need to take some sort of action now.

The situation's getting out of control, and quickly.

- Bubba, sometimes people make mistakes in life

because they jump, and they act on instinct.

Instinct is critical, there's no doubt about it,

but sometimes you just have to stop,

and think about how to better handle a situation.

I'm going out there.

- I'm telling you, I can lasso that pig.

- I'm not worried about that pig.

There is something not right with that ACI.

I'm gonna go find him.

Under no circumstances are either of you

to leave this cockpit,

unless--

- [Danny] Unless what?

- I guess unless things get really out of control.

(knocking on door)

It's GiGi.

- [Danny] She must be terrified.

(knocking on door)

- No, not the word I'd use.

- I don't think this is a good idea.

- I'm a lawyer.

I wear a Rolex, and 700 dollar shoes.

I can make a very good impression when I want to.

I help you out, you have dinner with me in Amsterdam.

- We're supposed to stay seated.

(pig squealing)

- You stand up.

Pretend you need something overhead,

and I stand up and pretend to help you.

There's no way he's not gonna see us.

Everyone else is seated.

- I'm just gonna wait for Hank.

(chuckling)

- You think that guy's gonna impress your ex?

Hey, no offense, he's nice enough,

but he's small, skinny,

and if you hadn't noticed, a little weak.

- Fresh-faced.

- Whatever.

It's your life.

I'm just saying, that chick your ex is with, is hot.

And he's not gonna care or notice

if you don't one-up a little.

This is why I wear a Rolex.

- I don't need his approval.

- Admit it, you're desperate.

- You're a jerk.

- No.

He's a jerk,

for leaving a beautiful woman like you.

(pig oinking)

- The Captain is out there doing nothing about the pig.

- Personally, I'm never eating bacon again.

- GiGi, I know it's bad out there,

but what do you expect us to do?

We can't leave the cockpit.

- She said, "unless things get really out of control."

- [Danny] She didn't say that James,

she just said, "unless."

- Okay, thanks for being so literal,

but come on, you've got to learn

to read between the lines with the Captain.

- What would you call this?

I call this, out of control.

- The pig isn't hurting anyone.

- Okay, I hate to actually admit it,

but I agree with GiGi for once.

Yeah, I know, write it down.

But seriously, if this doesn't count as out of control,

then what does?

- We can't leave the cockpit.

- We're not supposed to have wild animals onboard either.

I've got people in hysterics back there.

All my flight attendants are crying,

and I've got a porky pig who's a picky eater onboard.

What am I supposed to do?

I need your help!

- Look, leave GiGi, or better yet, Greg,

in here, as is protocol,

and try to get that pig under control.

What can the ACI say then, we did nothing?

None of us can afford that on our record.

And I know I'm already in trouble for having facial hair.

It's kind of weird that the guy hasn't brought it up yet,

but you know what?

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care, all right?

Just please stay calm, okay?

Keep your head screwed on straight.

This ain't my first rodeo, I've got the plane.

It's under control in here, get it under control out there.

- Okay fine.

But James, whatever you do, just--

- I know, I know, don't leave the cockpit.

(sighing)

It's a flying circus in here.

- I need more vodka.

- We all do, buddy.

- For the pig.

- Seriously?

How do you plan to do that?

Anytime anyone tries to get close to him,

all he does is charge or squeal

or blow fire out of his nostrils.

- I haven't quite figured that out,

but we need to try to sedate him again.

- Again?

What do you mean, 'again'?

- Ma'am, you need to return to your seat immediately.

- Well, is he okay?

What are you planning to do to him?

- Anna Sue, honestly, I don't know.

I know how to land a plane in total darkness,

and bring a 767 out of a roll,

but I have no freaking clue

how to put a pig back in his seat.

- Well listen, he should not be acting this way.

You know, the only trouble I have with him at home,

is he likes to chew through plastic.

He'll chew right through a plastic toy,

or anything else that's plastic, but that's it.

- You're doing remarkably well.

Maybe, you don't need the pig with you,

at least, not right now.

- You know, for a little bit,

with all the excitement,

I almost forgot I was on an airplane.

Promise me you won't hurt him.

- Gigi, come on.

- [Gigi] I know, I know, I'm getting there.

- Getting to what?

- The real nervous guy went that way.

- Come on.

- Just, try to ease him.

- Leendert?

I stood up for just one second.

- Keep your voices down.

We don't want to startle the other passengers.

(passengers shouting)

Too late, they're startled.

- Now he's locked himself in the bathroom.

- Maybe Leendert could use a drink.

- Maybe I could use a drink.

I'm gonna bust this door down with a sidekick,

and then I've got 'em.

- That actually won't be necessary,

we can just open it with a Bic pen.

(ominous orchestral music)

- Are you all right?

- Oh, this just helps me keep my head where it needs to be.

- I just want you to know that he'll have food and water.

As soon as we land, we'll let him out.

Anna Sue this is not what any of us wanted,

but we have to think about the other passengers.

- You've been so kind to me.

I'll trust you.

- This pork chop.

- What?

- [Danny] I really hope this works.

- The only decent plan I've seen.

Where's the Captain anyway?

- Looking for the ACI.

Where is he?

- I have no idea.

Last time I saw him,

he was telling me that my shoes weren't up to standard.

- I need to get to my prisoner.

- Just hold on, the pig comes first.

- Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.

Please stand by as we attempt to subdue the pig

in the most humane way possible.

In the meantime, for your convenience,

there is a diagram of the Amsterdam airport

located in the back of your Skyward magazine,

in the seat back.

Thank you for flying Atlantica.

(pig squealing)

- It's time to get the other pig out of the bathroom.

(sexy orchestral music)

- I'll try to get you reseated

in the back of the plane as soon as possible.

But on a positive note,

it is cooler in the front of the plane.

- Hank listen, he was just.

- We're gonna celebrate with dinner

in a nice restaurant on the canal,

as soon as we land.

- No, you do not understand,

look, I knew you were uncomfortable with the idea but.

- I'm gonna go check on Missus Kilpatrick.

- Hey no look, it wasn't anything personal.

You're the sweetest guy.

- In a Timex sort of way.

- Now the pig gets its own private bathroom.

Stop hovering over me.

- Missus Kilpatrick, if you were my mom

and something like this happened to you,

I'd want someone to take care of you.

- What happened with the girl in polka dots?

- It's not like you're in a relationship with this guy.

- He was nice.

- I was nice too, nice enough to offer help.

You owe me dinner.

- Oh my gosh, how sweet.

He made a list about me.

Nice, willing,

prompt, gracious, well-dressed,

smiling most of the time.

Able to handle difficult situations.

- If I'd known you were so swayed with flattery,

I would have complimented you on our foot-massager.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- I'm really sorry.

We had this connection, you know, like kindred spirits,

and I went and did something really stupid,

and messed that up, and made you feel bad.

This may sound really forward, but,

will you go out with me?

When I'm with you,

I feel like nothing can go wrong.

(banging)

- If you're back here, who's in the the?

- Leendert!

(punching)

- Don't move.

Do what I say, and nobody gets hurt.

One false move, and I'll blow a hole in the plane.

(high-tension orchestral music)

Blow a hole.

Don't try any funny business,

I'll blow a hole.

Don't be a hero.

(passengers talking)

(tense orchestral music)

One false move,

and I blow a hole in the plane.

If I see one person using the phone,

I blow a hole.

Now, I'm only going to ask one time.

Where is Jaap Van Der Mark?

- What are we gonna do?

There's no pilots up there.

- We do what we were trained to do.

- I never went through training for this.

- Comfy?

- What do you want?

- A million dollars worth of diamonds.

- Then what?

You've got all the pilots tied up.

Are you gonna land this plane?

- I've got my plan.

And so far it's going very smoothly.

- You're touching me.

- Don't get your hopes up, GiGi.

(bell ringing)

- Jaap?

Jaap Van Der Mark.

This is your one chance to save everyone on this plane.

- I know who this Jaap fellow is,

but I would not breathe a word.

Turn yourself over for a plane full of strangers?

- Eddie, let me ask you something.

You got a grandmother?

- Sure.

- What do you think her most valuable possession is?

- I'd say it was her 1952 Cadillac.

Sweet ride.

She'd probably say it was me.

She's a lifetime member of the blimp club.

You okay?

- I think my grandmother would probably say the same thing.

I'm Van Der Mark.

(tense orchestral music)

- All right Smilt, you have your diamonds, now what?

- Now we're going to land this plane.

You're not going to alert the authorities

there is anything wrong, understand me?

Your hands in plain view the whole time.

When we land,

I deplane first,

and before you can tattletale,

I'll be long gone.

- That's your plan?

- It's working brilliantly so far, don't you think?

- Yeah, except that you've got all the pilots tied up.

- Easy, I'll just cut one of you loose.

- Ya have a knife, too?

- Attention, attention everyone.

In order to free the pilots,

I need something sharp.

Anything sharp.

Scissors, a box knife,

a razor, anything at all.

Go ahead and bring it now.

- This is bad.

- Think, Danny, think.

- Me?

- The emotionally challenged woman?

At gunpoint?

- Let's just see what Danny has in mind.

- We're dead.

- I always dreamed I'd walk down the aisle someday,

just not with a gun.

- Now, what do you want me to do with the pig lady?

- Her name is Anna Sue, and her pig chews through plastic.

- Yes it's true, with a little grape jelly as an incentive,

he could chew through just about any kind of plastic.

- [Danny] It's our only chance.

If we don't get a pilot up there,

they're gonna flag this plane anyway

as soon as the controllers can't get us to respond.

We're about 30 minutes from first contact.

You think he'd do it, for grape jelly?

- Well, if we really smother it.

- I got this.

- Okay, start spreading.

- Not this one.

That one.

- Oh this better be pig jelly, I tell ya.

(whimpering)

- James, are you okay?

- I'm about to be toast,

literally.

- Get your pig out.

- Don't yell.

It upsets him.

- It's okay, Anna Sue, stay calm.

Just talk to Chucky, he'll listen to you.

- Chucky, sweetie?

Come out of the bathroom.

I know how stressed you are.

A lot has happened.

- How'd he get a gun onboard?

- You know how the TSA

is busy cracking down on shampoo bottles,

one could see how easy it'd be to get a gun past those.

- It just doesn't make any sense.

You don't just carry a gun on a plane.

- Well don't go bein' a superhero.

One bullet through the side of this plane,

and we'll be in real trouble.

And this guy seems dumb enough

to accidentally fire one on us.

(tense orchestral music)

- [Anna Sue] Chucky, I know how stressed you are.

You've gotta come out of the bathroom.

- Hey?

- Sir, just stay calm.

I'll bring you a blanket when things stabilize.

- Where'd he get the gun?

- [GiGi] What?

- The gun?

How'd he get a gun on this plane?

Is there an Air Marshall onboard?

- We have an FBI agent.

Right now she's incapacitated.

- FBI agent?

Could that be her gun?

- I don't think so.

It was stored up in the cockpit.

- How long is this gonna take?

- He's a nibbler.

(tense orchestral music)

- Lucy?

I need you to trust me.

Whatever happens, do not leave your seat.

- What are you gonna go do?

- Just promise me you won't get out of your seat.

- Fine.

(dramatic orchestral music)

- Sit down, right now.

- First, I need you to give me that gun.

- I'll blow a hole.

- Okay, just give me the gun.

- Maybe I'll just blow a hole in you.

- I have no doubt you'll try.

(clicking)

(passengers shouting)

- That was incredibly brave.

You could have gotten us all killed,

but thank you.

- Yeah, I knew that gun was empty.

Well, I 90% knew.

- How?

- My sister's a cop.

If there's anything I've learned

about law enforcement training,

is that you never, ever hand over

your issued weapon while it's loaded.

It's kind of Cop 101.

- Well none of that's gonna matter

if that pig doesn't get James loose

in the next five minutes.

- Your boyfriend is a hero.

- He's not my,

boyfriend.

- Are you okay?

- We're not out of danger yet.

- Of all the things to bet our lives on.

A stupid pig who can't scarf on command.

- I'm not religious, are you religious?

- Only when convenient.

- Would this qualify?

- I believe so.

- Go piggy, go piggy, go piggy.

Come on, can we do anything to get him to chew faster?

We're running out of time here.

- Well maybe we could try tapioca pudding.

He loves homemade tapioca pudding.

(snapping) (women screaming)

He's free!

He's free.

Good job, Chucky.

(muffled speaking)

(passengers shouting)

- Hey, the cockpit's that way.

- We don't have time for Chucky

to chew through our ties.

- I'm on tap for anything.

- Hey, you guys need a pilot?

This guy's a pilot.

- Me?

- He's right here.

- Ma, we thought you were dead.

- Dead?

I'm starving.

- Ma, we couldn't find your pulse.

- My what?

- Your pulse ma, your pulse.

- Oh, the doctors never can find that thing.

- If you really don't think you can do this,

please, there's gotta be somebody

more qualified on this plane that can do it.

- You need to see what you're capable of.

- And there's this certain somebody on board,

that needs to see who he foolishly lost.

- You're gonna be the messenger, okay?

Back and forth between us and the pilots.

Listen to everything carefully and let us know.

- Okay.

- You can do this, Lucy.

- Okay.

- It's Eddie, right?

- Yeah.

- You ready to do this thing?

- No.

I'm much more comfortable with helium,

but yeah I can do this.

I can do this.

Got it.

- Hey, they're ready.

- Okay, Anna Sue, we need Chucky to start.

Let's get me out of these ties.

- I don't think it's gonna work.

He's acting full.

- He's a pig, if anyone's prone to overeating, it's him.

He's a pig.

- You're stereotyping.

I have a different idea.

Chucky, the plane is in trouble.

We need your help.

Do you think you could do some more chewing?

Fast?

(oinking)

(dramatic orchestral music)

- Hank, here.

- Schiphol Tower, this is Atlantica flight 1945.

- [Controller] 1945, this is Schipol,

where have you been?

- Yeah, we're declaring an emergency.

Look, my name's Eddie, and I'm just a passenger,

but that doesn't mean that I have been trained

for gunmen or diamond thieves or prisoners

or runaway pigs. - Schiphol,

Schiphol, this is Hank Hazard, another passenger.

We've had a serious incident onboard.

- [Controller] 1945?

- All three pilots are alive, but they're incapacitated.

The gunman's been restrained, we're safe,

except we gotta figure out how to land this plane.

We've got communication with the pilots,

but I need your help getting on the ground safely.

- [Controller] Stand by, you are going to

strike 7700 on the transponder.

- You're doing great.

- This is when that 'God is my Copilot' bumper-sticker

would really come in handy.

- At this point, I think we need God

to just take over completely.

- Yeah, well I think you're giving your sister

a run for her money.

- Every time I have good opportunity,

I blow up it.

I,

I, your Oma,

I like her very much.

And she speaks of these diamonds and my old ways get to me.

Please, don't give me,

I am very much happy that,

that they are returned by you.

She has many pictures of you everywhere in her house.

- She doesn't even know me.

- Listen to old Leendert.

I know I am a thief,

a liar,

but I speak the truth in this matter.

She does not care for these diamonds.

She wants to see you.

(dramatic orchestral music)

- [Controller] Follow the trackers down

past the two black rectangles.

- You mean the one that says discharge?

- [Controller] Don't touch those.

They shut off the engines,

and shoot fire retardant into them.

Now you see two round pegs,

you turn them to change that number

so it reads 7-7-0-0.

- Done, it's done.

- [Controller] Now, we need to know the number

of souls onboard.

- They need to know the number of--

- 203 souls onboard.

We're on a short runway.

The autopilot is not gonna be able to stop the plane,

and especially if it's wet.

They're going to have to manually

put the flaps down.

- Come on buddy, a little faster.

- That runway barely meets regulation.

The FMS is too complex to change.

We're gonna have to arm the auto-brakes.

The question is maximum or medium.

- Tires could blow on max on the runway if it's snowing.

- But on medium we risk running off the runway.

- On max, we'll have to make sure

to keep the engine pressure ratio the same,

and we slide sideways.

- Okay, well tell them maximum.

- Wait, no medium.

- You sure, McSweeney?

- Yeah.

The only way it can handle it, if the (muffled) are like.

- Okay, okay,

this is going to cause the throttles

to retard (muffled) slow down.

You are going to set the flaps out incrementally.

Do you understand?

Captain said, tell the tower to instruct you to

set the speed (muffled by radio).

- [Controller] Lift it slightly.

Now get it out at each detent.

No damage, the airplane is lining itself up with the runway.

- Whoa whoa, whoa.

- The name of God sounds like,

maybe like a Dutch air traffic controller.

(muffled radio)

- Come on Chucky, you can do it.

Anna Sue, you've been on a wild ride.

I don't know how you're doing it, but you're holding up.

I'm proud of you.

- Oh don't be too impressed, we still have to land.

- But your disability isn't easy to live with.

There's a lot of stigma attached to a person

with emotional challenges.

- Did you say, emotional challenges?

(laughing)

I don't have emotional challenges.

I'm motionally challenged.

You know, I get carsick, train-sick, airplane-sick.

- Go, go, go!

(dramatic orchestral music)

- It's good to have you.

- It's good to be back.

Schiphol, this is First Officer Danny McSweeney,

Atlantica flight 1945.

I have control of the aircraft.

(dramatic orchestral music)

- [News Reporter] 5:31 a.m. local time,

an Atlantica flight bound for Schiphol

from the United States made a distress call.

The information is sketchy at the moment,

but initial details indicate

this may have been a hijacking.

What we do know at this hour,

is that the plane has landed.

All the passengers are safe,

and the suspect is in custody.

- [Man] And the diamond thief?

- Agent Tasler got him successfully extradited.

And Jake, he actually reunited with his grandmother.

I heard he's thinking about staying in Holland

a little bit longer.

- What about that pig?

- Apparently getting his own reality television show.

Oh and the Captain, she's retiring.

The blog will never be the same.

- And the blimp pilot?

- He's writing his own book

about the heroic measures he had to take

in order to save the plane.

- What about that flight attendant?

GiGi, was her name.

- [Hank] Got her own companion animal.

- Then there was Lucy.

- Lucy.

She was nice.

(acoustic guitar music)

You'd be really proud of your crew, sir.

Here's my final report.

- I don't think it's necessary to file this.

You can't really assess our employees' performance

while they're under duress.

- On the contrary sir,

isn't it under such circumstances

that our true character really comes out?

The truth is, they taught me

what true customer service really was.

The key to it, really.

It's caring about other people that you don't even know,

simply because they're your fellow human beings.

(acoustic guitar music)

(rock music)

(dramatic orchestral music)