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1
00:00:02,703 --> 00:00:07,704
(thundering)
(bats squeaking)
2
00:00:12,670 --> 00:00:15,589
(embers crackling)
3
00:00:23,176 --> 00:00:26,173
(fireworks booming)
4
00:00:34,398 --> 00:00:37,146
(mystical music)
5
00:00:48,106 --> 00:00:50,687
(techno music)
6
00:02:09,154 --> 00:02:11,406
(coughing)
7
00:02:13,002 --> 00:02:16,351
- Okay, what the fuck is going on?
8
00:02:16,351 --> 00:02:18,453
Who are you people?
9
00:02:18,453 --> 00:02:19,711
Why are you covered in blood?
10
00:02:19,711 --> 00:02:21,511
Why do you have my gun?
11
00:02:21,511 --> 00:02:24,223
Why does my neck hurt, who tased me?
12
00:02:24,223 --> 00:02:26,790
Kris, I fuckin' knew you killed that kid.
13
00:02:26,790 --> 00:02:28,263
I knew you were crazy like that.
14
00:02:28,263 --> 00:02:29,952
I need answers and I need 'em now!
15
00:02:29,952 --> 00:02:32,552
- Shut the fuck up, sit down and listen!
16
00:02:35,472 --> 00:02:37,882
(squealing)
17
00:02:37,882 --> 00:02:41,141
- Oh, my God, did you see
the look on Santa's face?
18
00:02:41,141 --> 00:02:43,339
I do think we made Santa's naughty list.
19
00:02:43,339 --> 00:02:46,249
- That's because your
guys' outfits are amazing.
20
00:02:46,249 --> 00:02:48,240
- [Sadie] I should send
this Santa picture to Brian.
21
00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:49,520
- No, don't even think about it!
22
00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:50,990
That ass clown hasn't called you in weeks!
23
00:02:50,990 --> 00:02:52,029
- We're so putting these up on our
24
00:02:52,029 --> 00:02:53,610
fucking website for the world to see.
25
00:02:53,610 --> 00:02:56,230
- Okay, so I got the box,
Dahlia you got the wreath.
26
00:02:56,230 --> 00:02:57,330
What'd you get, Alexi?
27
00:02:58,420 --> 00:03:03,419
- I totally chickened out, but
I bought green nail polish.
28
00:03:03,598 --> 00:03:04,559
- Boring!
29
00:03:04,559 --> 00:03:06,049
Why are you the enemy of fun?
30
00:03:06,049 --> 00:03:07,859
I should just take all of
your Christmas presents
31
00:03:07,859 --> 00:03:09,868
and return them and wrap
you some coal instead.
32
00:03:09,868 --> 00:03:12,711
- You know better than to
mess with me on Christmas.
33
00:03:12,711 --> 00:03:13,544
- Oh, wait a sec.
34
00:03:13,544 --> 00:03:16,768
Um, is tomorrow the holiday
you've been talking about
35
00:03:16,768 --> 00:03:18,887
every fucking day since Thanksgiving?
36
00:03:18,887 --> 00:03:21,059
- Sure, tease me and then leave me.
37
00:03:21,059 --> 00:03:22,828
It's bad enough that I have
to go to work right now.
38
00:03:22,828 --> 00:03:23,668
- Work?
39
00:03:23,668 --> 00:03:25,098
- Somebody's gotta pay the rent,
40
00:03:25,098 --> 00:03:26,839
unless your dad wants to cover me?
41
00:03:26,839 --> 00:03:29,135
- Well, what if I told
you rent was covered?
42
00:03:29,135 --> 00:03:30,867
- And so's your shift.
43
00:03:30,867 --> 00:03:32,076
- What?
44
00:03:32,076 --> 00:03:33,019
- The only puppies you're gonna
45
00:03:33,019 --> 00:03:35,155
have to worry about today are these.
46
00:03:35,155 --> 00:03:36,718
You're coming with us on an adventure.
47
00:03:36,718 --> 00:03:37,553
Alright?
48
00:03:37,553 --> 00:03:38,470
Merry Christmas, bitch!
49
00:03:39,396 --> 00:03:41,046
- You're crazy, you know that?
50
00:03:41,046 --> 00:03:44,202
- Correction, we're fucking crazy!
51
00:03:44,202 --> 00:03:46,452
(whooping)
52
00:03:46,452 --> 00:03:48,786
(whooshing)
53
00:03:51,873 --> 00:03:56,365
- Hello, devoted fans,
Sadie here and Dahlia.
54
00:03:56,365 --> 00:03:59,604
- With our dear friend, Alexi.
55
00:03:59,604 --> 00:04:00,437
- Hello!
56
00:04:00,437 --> 00:04:02,376
- It's Christmas fucking Eve and we're
57
00:04:02,376 --> 00:04:04,394
on our way to what might
be the most exciting
58
00:04:04,394 --> 00:04:06,565
urban exploring adventure in history.
59
00:04:06,565 --> 00:04:09,734
- So be sure to log on tomorrow
for the full official video.
60
00:04:09,734 --> 00:04:12,707
- And you never know what dirty
things will come your way.
61
00:04:12,707 --> 00:04:15,161
(whooshing)
62
00:04:15,161 --> 00:04:17,744
(techno music)
63
00:04:28,541 --> 00:04:31,671
- Wow, it's so loud in here
I can barely hear myself think.
64
00:04:35,098 --> 00:04:36,397
- [Sadie] That's the point.
65
00:04:39,122 --> 00:04:40,973
- [Sadie] There you go.
66
00:04:40,973 --> 00:04:42,922
- What is it you guys do
exactly when you're out there?
67
00:04:42,922 --> 00:04:45,123
- You're telling me
you've never seen a single
68
00:04:45,123 --> 00:04:47,022
one of the Adventure Girls video casts?
69
00:04:48,651 --> 00:04:50,061
- I did once, yeah.
70
00:04:50,061 --> 00:04:52,581
- Okay, then, which adventure was it?
71
00:04:52,581 --> 00:04:55,334
- Uh, it was um, it was the factory one.
72
00:04:57,491 --> 00:04:58,691
Abandoned water park?
73
00:04:58,691 --> 00:04:59,831
I know, I'm a terrible friend.
74
00:04:59,831 --> 00:05:01,210
I haven't watched any of them.
75
00:05:01,210 --> 00:05:02,061
What do you guys do?
76
00:05:02,061 --> 00:05:03,680
Well, I know you go break into weird
77
00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:05,675
places and you film yourselves.
78
00:05:06,691 --> 00:05:09,891
But what is it that urban
explorers actually do?
79
00:05:09,891 --> 00:05:11,841
- I mean, we just go to awesome places,
80
00:05:11,841 --> 00:05:13,349
people don't dare go to.
81
00:05:13,349 --> 00:05:15,300
- And film ourselves running around.
82
00:05:15,300 --> 00:05:17,240
- And then there's the treasures.
83
00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:20,829
- Yeah, we collect one keepsake
from each place we explore.
84
00:05:20,829 --> 00:05:23,909
- Oh, so it's kind of like, um, stealing?
85
00:05:23,909 --> 00:05:25,938
- It's not stealing if it
doesn't belong to anyone.
86
00:05:25,938 --> 00:05:27,759
These places have been closed forever.
87
00:05:27,759 --> 00:05:30,668
I hope Santa Land has some amazing swag!
88
00:05:30,668 --> 00:05:32,048
- So, while you guys are doing all
89
00:05:32,048 --> 00:05:34,011
that awesome stuff, what am I gonna do?
90
00:05:34,011 --> 00:05:36,236
- Have the best fucking Christmas ever!
91
00:05:36,236 --> 00:05:37,071
Woo!
92
00:05:41,658 --> 00:05:44,399
This will have to
do, I have to fucking pee.
93
00:05:44,399 --> 00:05:47,315
(tires screeching)
94
00:05:55,576 --> 00:05:57,517
- Well, it's 12:03, I guess it's
95
00:05:57,517 --> 00:05:59,418
socially acceptable to start drinking.
96
00:06:04,078 --> 00:06:05,191
- Classy joint!
97
00:06:17,815 --> 00:06:20,147
Hi, Merry Christmas!
98
00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:22,232
- Oh, fuck Christmas!
99
00:06:22,232 --> 00:06:23,344
Isn't that right, Cherry?
100
00:06:23,344 --> 00:06:24,886
- You heard him, girls.
101
00:06:24,886 --> 00:06:26,744
Fuck Christmas!
102
00:06:26,744 --> 00:06:27,574
- What?
103
00:06:27,574 --> 00:06:28,847
Christmas is awesome!
104
00:06:31,451 --> 00:06:33,701
(stomping)
105
00:06:39,824 --> 00:06:41,571
- What'll it be?
106
00:06:41,571 --> 00:06:44,485
(glass shattering)
107
00:06:47,314 --> 00:06:49,124
- Merry Christmas, bitches!
108
00:06:49,124 --> 00:06:49,959
- Oh, shit.
109
00:06:49,959 --> 00:06:51,654
- Come on, all this shit you just
110
00:06:51,654 --> 00:06:54,114
buy into with Christmas, it's just that.
111
00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:55,678
It's bullshit!
112
00:06:57,531 --> 00:06:59,652
- This how you welcome
out-of-towners, Cherry?
113
00:06:59,652 --> 00:07:01,614
Can't be good for business.
114
00:07:01,614 --> 00:07:02,445
- You know what?
115
00:07:02,445 --> 00:07:03,573
I think we better just go.
116
00:07:03,573 --> 00:07:05,873
- Oh no, you're staying here now, honey.
117
00:07:05,873 --> 00:07:07,611
Looks like you just made a friend.
118
00:07:07,611 --> 00:07:09,693
You joining 'em for drinks, Sean?
119
00:07:09,693 --> 00:07:10,893
- I'm on the clock.
120
00:07:10,893 --> 00:07:11,795
Where's Jerry?
121
00:07:14,202 --> 00:07:15,613
For Christ's sake, Jerry!
122
00:07:15,613 --> 00:07:17,463
You've got to be kidding me!
123
00:07:17,463 --> 00:07:20,471
Jerry, you know your parole
officer said no costumes!
124
00:07:20,471 --> 00:07:21,594
What is this?
125
00:07:23,051 --> 00:07:25,014
- So what'll it be, girls?
126
00:07:26,033 --> 00:07:28,916
- Um, I think I'll have an eggnog, please.
127
00:07:37,675 --> 00:07:39,083
- [Cherry] Oh, yeah!
128
00:07:41,020 --> 00:07:41,855
- You know what?
129
00:07:41,855 --> 00:07:43,388
I think we're just gonna down these
130
00:07:43,388 --> 00:07:44,263
and get the hell out of here, okay?
131
00:07:45,570 --> 00:07:47,210
- Man, I didn't touch any fucking kids!
132
00:07:47,210 --> 00:07:48,699
- I know, I know, okay.
133
00:07:48,699 --> 00:07:50,540
They just want me to take
you in for some questioning.
134
00:07:50,540 --> 00:07:52,089
Now, are you gonna cooperate or are
135
00:07:52,089 --> 00:07:53,537
you gonna give me a hard time?
136
00:07:53,537 --> 00:07:56,447
- Hey, he's been drunk
in my bar for two days.
137
00:07:56,447 --> 00:07:59,639
Only gets up to make a
mess in the bathroom.
138
00:07:59,639 --> 00:08:00,720
- Some shit's been going down,
139
00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:03,180
so we're asking the usual suspects.
140
00:08:03,180 --> 00:08:04,569
Pedophiles and such.
141
00:08:04,569 --> 00:08:05,928
- I'm right fucking here, man!
142
00:08:05,928 --> 00:08:07,598
- Oh, I'm sorry, Jerry.
143
00:08:07,598 --> 00:08:08,908
Sex offenders.
144
00:08:08,908 --> 00:08:12,478
- Don't chase him out,
it's my one customer.
145
00:08:12,478 --> 00:08:13,641
That tips!
146
00:08:14,783 --> 00:08:16,948
(blowing)
147
00:08:19,727 --> 00:08:21,660
- I'm sorry to butt in,
148
00:08:21,660 --> 00:08:23,987
but you said some shit was going down.
149
00:08:23,987 --> 00:08:25,231
Anything interesting?
150
00:08:26,333 --> 00:08:29,356
- Uh, yeah, just some bear attacks
151
00:08:29,356 --> 00:08:31,917
and some odd things around town.
152
00:08:31,917 --> 00:08:34,279
- Ooh, bears, production value?
153
00:08:35,786 --> 00:08:38,081
- Honestly, odd isn't the right word.
154
00:08:38,948 --> 00:08:41,064
Look, I don't mean to
cause an alarm or anything,
155
00:08:41,064 --> 00:08:44,425
but some kids have been murdered.
156
00:08:44,425 --> 00:08:45,805
- [Sadie] Oh, my goodness!
157
00:08:45,805 --> 00:08:49,126
- Hey, are you a ranger or a cop?
158
00:08:49,126 --> 00:08:53,058
- Well, yeah, I'm no cop,
but uh, I am packing.
159
00:08:56,535 --> 00:08:58,957
- Shouldn't you be chasing
forest fires, not felons?
160
00:08:58,957 --> 00:08:59,855
- Dahlia, shut up.
161
00:09:00,797 --> 00:09:03,345
- Anyway, with everything
going on around town
162
00:09:03,345 --> 00:09:04,795
and it being Christmas and all,
163
00:09:04,795 --> 00:09:06,674
the police station's a little understaffed
164
00:09:06,674 --> 00:09:09,344
and I know this forest
like the back of my hand.
165
00:09:09,344 --> 00:09:10,844
- Sorry, we didn't mean to waste your time
166
00:09:10,844 --> 00:09:13,035
or ask you all those silly questions.
167
00:09:13,035 --> 00:09:14,354
- No bother, ladies.
168
00:09:14,354 --> 00:09:16,273
I'd rather talk to you
than hunt down bears,
169
00:09:16,273 --> 00:09:18,614
but if you need anything
when you're in town
170
00:09:18,614 --> 00:09:21,786
or see anything suspicious,
don't hesitate to call me.
171
00:09:27,627 --> 00:09:28,644
- Ooh, call me!
172
00:09:28,644 --> 00:09:29,632
- Shut up!
173
00:09:29,632 --> 00:09:30,633
(laughs)
174
00:09:30,633 --> 00:09:33,387
- Okay, but seriously, kids murdered?
175
00:09:34,223 --> 00:09:35,354
Maybe we should leave.
176
00:09:35,354 --> 00:09:36,972
- Oh no, no, no, no, I
missed work for this.
177
00:09:36,972 --> 00:09:39,422
We are going on my first
Adventure Girls mission.
178
00:09:40,921 --> 00:09:41,754
Cheers.
179
00:09:42,642 --> 00:09:45,113
- Hey, yes!
180
00:09:45,113 --> 00:09:46,904
That one is on me!
181
00:09:46,904 --> 00:09:48,864
Now, 20 bucks for the rest.
182
00:09:50,154 --> 00:09:53,108
(tires screeching)
183
00:09:53,108 --> 00:09:55,777
(ominous music)
184
00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:13,569
- It's not as Christmassy as I expected.
185
00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:16,531
Looks creepy, though.
186
00:10:16,531 --> 00:10:18,301
- Well, let's get started.
187
00:10:19,155 --> 00:10:21,239
(laughs)
188
00:10:30,417 --> 00:10:33,004
(creepy music)
189
00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:45,548
- So you ready for your
first big adventure?
190
00:10:45,548 --> 00:10:48,149
- As ready as I'll ever be, yes!
191
00:10:48,149 --> 00:10:49,619
- [Sadie] Wait, hold up, soldier!
192
00:10:49,619 --> 00:10:50,449
- What?
193
00:10:50,449 --> 00:10:51,907
We're gonna do this, right?
194
00:10:51,907 --> 00:10:54,857
- Oh yeah, we're gonna do
this, but you're not ready yet.
195
00:10:54,857 --> 00:10:56,308
- Shut up, of course, I am.
196
00:10:56,308 --> 00:10:57,268
I'm gonna have fun, come on!
197
00:10:57,268 --> 00:11:00,157
- You're not ready yet, until...
198
00:11:04,909 --> 00:11:06,796
You put on your Christmas uniform!
199
00:11:06,796 --> 00:11:08,247
- Oh, my God!
200
00:11:08,247 --> 00:11:12,314
This is kind of hot looking,
but yeah, okay, okay.
201
00:11:12,314 --> 00:11:14,325
- Yeah, it's better than being an elf.
202
00:11:16,774 --> 00:11:18,441
- I think it's cute.
203
00:11:19,701 --> 00:11:22,785
(techno music)
204
00:11:22,785 --> 00:11:23,620
- Yellow?
205
00:11:30,066 --> 00:11:31,485
White and purple?
206
00:11:36,611 --> 00:11:38,974
- I like the blue one best.
207
00:11:38,974 --> 00:11:40,811
- I think you're right, blue.
208
00:11:45,912 --> 00:11:48,714
- Sadie, our little snowflake
is gonna have a meltdown
209
00:11:48,714 --> 00:11:51,233
when she sees what's inside Santa Land.
210
00:11:51,233 --> 00:11:52,067
(gasping)
211
00:11:52,067 --> 00:11:54,515
And, what do you think of my hot elfness?
212
00:11:54,515 --> 00:11:56,426
Tomorrow when you go online to see
213
00:11:56,426 --> 00:11:57,259
the full length video don't forget
214
00:11:57,259 --> 00:11:59,642
to check out our pics
and like them if you do.
215
00:11:59,642 --> 00:12:01,585
And, I hope you do.
216
00:12:01,585 --> 00:12:02,418
Later!
217
00:12:03,837 --> 00:12:05,334
Did I get it right this time?
218
00:12:05,334 --> 00:12:06,647
- Yeah, you're a natural.
219
00:12:07,541 --> 00:12:08,651
(ominous music)
220
00:12:08,651 --> 00:12:11,103
Maybe I should call Brian and
let him know where we are.
221
00:12:11,103 --> 00:12:11,936
- [Dahlia And Alexi] No!
222
00:12:17,032 --> 00:12:17,982
- It's Christmas Eve, what if he
223
00:12:17,982 --> 00:12:19,092
tries to get in touch with me?
224
00:12:19,092 --> 00:12:20,162
- He hasn't called you in forever.
225
00:12:20,162 --> 00:12:21,660
Why would you call him now?
226
00:12:21,660 --> 00:12:22,753
He doesn't deserve you!
227
00:12:22,753 --> 00:12:23,587
- But...
228
00:12:23,587 --> 00:12:25,143
- Ho, ho, ho, let's go!
229
00:12:34,358 --> 00:12:36,607
(thudding)
230
00:12:41,739 --> 00:12:43,211
- Awesome!
231
00:12:43,211 --> 00:12:44,770
Merry fucking Christmas!
232
00:12:44,770 --> 00:12:45,749
Wow.
233
00:12:45,749 --> 00:12:47,159
- You know, I thought this place would be
234
00:12:47,159 --> 00:12:49,131
a lot more old and decrepit looking for
235
00:12:49,131 --> 00:12:51,133
the amount of years it's been abandoned.
236
00:12:52,132 --> 00:12:55,110
Don't get me wrong, I
still wanna check it out.
237
00:12:55,110 --> 00:12:57,109
- Don't run, you can't outrun it.
238
00:12:57,109 --> 00:12:59,528
If it's too late to back
away, grab a weapon,
239
00:12:59,528 --> 00:13:00,950
any weapon, to protect yourself.
240
00:13:00,950 --> 00:13:04,601
If without weapons or pepper
spray, curl up and play dead.
241
00:13:04,601 --> 00:13:06,680
Just reading off things to
do in case of a bear attack.
242
00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:08,338
- Is that your idea of fun,
243
00:13:08,338 --> 00:13:09,599
trying to scare the crap out of us?
244
00:13:09,599 --> 00:13:11,680
- I am just being the voice of reason.
245
00:13:13,477 --> 00:13:16,777
- Meet my taser, my voice of reason.
246
00:13:16,777 --> 00:13:18,771
- On that note, I think we're ready.
247
00:13:22,972 --> 00:13:26,352
(ominous music)
248
00:13:26,352 --> 00:13:27,939
- Whoo!
249
00:13:27,939 --> 00:13:29,770
Welcome to Santa Land!
250
00:13:30,623 --> 00:13:34,288
(rock "Jingle Bells" music)
251
00:13:40,743 --> 00:13:44,994
- Cool, the most magical
Christmas Eve land of all.
252
00:13:46,316 --> 00:13:48,949
And the Adventure Girls
are gonna explore it!
253
00:13:55,546 --> 00:13:57,214
- Dahlia, go Dahlia!
254
00:13:58,285 --> 00:14:00,537
(grunting)
255
00:14:03,325 --> 00:14:05,723
- You're not gonna make it on heels.
256
00:14:05,723 --> 00:14:10,724
- Oh wait, watch out, watch out.
257
00:14:22,835 --> 00:14:24,756
- What do I know about Santa Land?
258
00:14:24,756 --> 00:14:26,033
- [Sadie] Yeah, tell
me something about it.
259
00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:28,333
- Well, it's been closed for 20 years.
260
00:14:28,333 --> 00:14:30,483
I heard kids died here.
261
00:14:30,483 --> 00:14:31,442
The only people that come here now
262
00:14:31,442 --> 00:14:33,102
are crack heads and meth heads.
263
00:14:33,102 --> 00:14:34,442
- Oh, my God, what's this?
264
00:14:34,442 --> 00:14:35,703
Oh, awesome!
265
00:14:35,703 --> 00:14:39,875
I wanna eat this mushroom
and then get twice as big.
266
00:14:40,835 --> 00:14:42,765
- Don't let me fall.
267
00:14:42,765 --> 00:14:44,993
Let's go find something else.
268
00:14:44,993 --> 00:14:46,909
- Oh, my God, you guys!
269
00:14:46,909 --> 00:14:48,641
(chattering)
270
00:14:48,641 --> 00:14:50,303
Would you like some tea?
271
00:14:52,806 --> 00:14:55,053
(laughing)
272
00:15:01,776 --> 00:15:04,892
- Someone's gotta tell her
to stop humping things.
273
00:15:04,892 --> 00:15:05,793
It's not sexy.
274
00:15:07,928 --> 00:15:09,031
(banging)
275
00:15:09,031 --> 00:15:11,051
- Oh no, I'm a naughty girl!
276
00:15:11,051 --> 00:15:12,300
- Don't try this at home.
277
00:15:15,169 --> 00:15:18,835
(techno "Nutcracker" music)
278
00:16:06,127 --> 00:16:07,130
- Hello?
279
00:16:08,846 --> 00:16:10,736
Any bears in here?
280
00:16:10,736 --> 00:16:11,999
Werewolves?
281
00:16:12,876 --> 00:16:13,971
Unicorns?
282
00:16:15,845 --> 00:16:16,679
Al Qaeda?
283
00:16:20,346 --> 00:16:21,284
No, but other things live in
284
00:16:21,284 --> 00:16:23,628
the forest like birds and squirrels.
285
00:16:25,677 --> 00:16:28,420
And bears, child-eating bears.
286
00:16:34,238 --> 00:16:37,239
(branches cracking)
287
00:16:41,106 --> 00:16:43,158
Okay.
288
00:16:43,158 --> 00:16:45,822
(ominous music)
289
00:16:56,119 --> 00:16:58,286
(humming)
290
00:17:02,544 --> 00:17:04,393
- [Sadie] Welcome to candy cane land!
291
00:17:07,910 --> 00:17:09,701
- Don't you feel like we're being watched?
292
00:17:09,701 --> 00:17:10,537
- Are we?
293
00:17:10,537 --> 00:17:13,037
Yeah, I kind of do feel
like I'm being watched.
294
00:17:13,037 --> 00:17:14,135
(banjo music)
295
00:17:14,135 --> 00:17:15,593
Is that your new ringtone, sicko?
296
00:17:15,593 --> 00:17:17,283
- Yes.
- Oh, my God!
297
00:17:17,283 --> 00:17:18,906
We'll see who's laughing when you're
298
00:17:18,906 --> 00:17:20,969
hog-tied and squealing for my help.
299
00:17:20,969 --> 00:17:22,902
Ooh, you got a purdy mouth!
300
00:17:22,902 --> 00:17:25,301
- Stop it, you're gonna
fuck up my makeup, geez!
301
00:17:26,881 --> 00:17:29,547
(ominous music)
302
00:17:33,958 --> 00:17:36,657
- At this point I don't think
it makes any difference.
303
00:17:37,936 --> 00:17:38,769
- I found Jerry.
304
00:17:39,670 --> 00:17:42,370
He was getting wasted at
Cherry's just like Sean said.
305
00:17:43,310 --> 00:17:46,342
- Neil, what the hell are you doing?
306
00:17:46,342 --> 00:17:48,910
There is no way in hell that
this guy could have done it!
307
00:17:48,910 --> 00:17:50,634
Now, cut him loose!
308
00:17:51,911 --> 00:17:53,590
- Come on, Jerry.
309
00:17:53,590 --> 00:17:54,660
Sorry about this.
310
00:17:55,729 --> 00:17:56,720
- Merry Christmas.
311
00:17:56,720 --> 00:17:57,553
- Get out of here.
312
00:17:57,553 --> 00:17:58,730
- Fuck you, Jerry.
313
00:17:58,730 --> 00:17:59,983
- [Neil] See you at poker.
314
00:18:05,131 --> 00:18:06,497
(sighs)
315
00:18:06,497 --> 00:18:08,319
- [Bruce] What is it?
316
00:18:08,319 --> 00:18:10,370
- I was just thinking about the Bernards.
317
00:18:11,408 --> 00:18:13,209
I mean, seeing her lying there like that,
318
00:18:13,209 --> 00:18:16,066
in all that blood with
her heart ripped out.
319
00:18:16,066 --> 00:18:18,648
(techno music)
320
00:18:22,613 --> 00:18:23,448
It was--
321
00:18:23,448 --> 00:18:24,280
- [Bruce] Disgusting.
322
00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:25,113
- It was gross.
323
00:18:26,846 --> 00:18:29,277
What kind of monster could
do something like that?
324
00:18:29,277 --> 00:18:31,526
- Officer Green seems
to think it was a bear.
325
00:18:34,636 --> 00:18:36,088
- A bear with a lot of anger.
326
00:18:37,039 --> 00:18:38,350
A lot of hurt feelings.
327
00:18:40,585 --> 00:18:43,036
- You know, Neil, I'm a
little worried about you.
328
00:18:44,165 --> 00:18:45,246
You hang in there, kid.
329
00:18:45,246 --> 00:18:46,679
- Alright, good luck.
330
00:18:47,638 --> 00:18:49,409
- [Bruce] Be back in a couple hours.
331
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:55,109
(ominous music)
332
00:19:11,785 --> 00:19:14,237
- Ugh, looks like someone
got slaughtered here.
333
00:19:16,323 --> 00:19:17,783
I am dreaming!
334
00:19:17,783 --> 00:19:19,404
- [Sadie] It's perfect!
335
00:19:19,404 --> 00:19:21,195
- [Alexi] What, I can't see anything.
336
00:19:21,195 --> 00:19:23,598
- Our treasures, they're inside.
337
00:19:23,598 --> 00:19:26,060
(grunting)
338
00:19:26,060 --> 00:19:26,892
(gasps)
339
00:19:26,892 --> 00:19:28,027
Jackpot!
340
00:19:29,654 --> 00:19:31,125
Oh, I want this one!
341
00:19:31,125 --> 00:19:31,960
- Look!
342
00:19:32,932 --> 00:19:35,374
Here's your first treasure, Alexi.
343
00:19:35,374 --> 00:19:36,574
- Um, that's okay?
344
00:19:36,574 --> 00:19:37,922
- You're saving it from a bulldozer
345
00:19:37,922 --> 00:19:39,822
in a few months, of course, it's okay.
346
00:19:41,112 --> 00:19:44,072
- Hey Adventure Girl people, fans!
347
00:19:44,072 --> 00:19:45,614
- Hey guys, look, we got our shit.
348
00:19:45,614 --> 00:19:48,365
We gotta get the fuck out of
here before our luck runs out.
349
00:19:49,463 --> 00:19:51,864
- Wait, hey guys, we didn't go there yet.
350
00:19:56,239 --> 00:19:59,154
(mysterious music)
351
00:20:09,578 --> 00:20:11,576
(sighs)
352
00:20:17,809 --> 00:20:21,023
Okay, point taken and rejected.
353
00:20:22,153 --> 00:20:24,236
(laughs)
354
00:20:26,928 --> 00:20:30,679
(door creaking and slamming)
355
00:20:33,116 --> 00:20:36,029
(mysterious music)
356
00:20:42,643 --> 00:20:44,892
(growling)
357
00:20:55,408 --> 00:21:00,407
Oh, look! (laughs)
358
00:21:09,871 --> 00:21:11,204
- [Dahlia] Whoa.
359
00:21:19,154 --> 00:21:20,546
- Ha, I dare you to eat this.
360
00:21:20,546 --> 00:21:21,944
- Oh no, that's gross.
361
00:21:21,944 --> 00:21:24,909
- Come on, your audience awaits.
362
00:21:30,571 --> 00:21:31,402
I dare you!
363
00:21:31,402 --> 00:21:33,265
- I don't think so, it's nasty.
364
00:21:33,265 --> 00:21:34,650
- [Sadie] Nom, nom, nom.
365
00:21:34,650 --> 00:21:35,484
- Uh-uh.
366
00:21:35,484 --> 00:21:36,918
- What happened here?
367
00:21:36,918 --> 00:21:39,595
- Ugh, a fucked up ice orgy?
368
00:21:39,595 --> 00:21:41,790
- Oh, that's a good name for a band.
369
00:21:41,790 --> 00:21:43,052
Oh!
370
00:21:43,052 --> 00:21:44,782
(growling)
371
00:21:44,782 --> 00:21:46,555
(all gasping)
372
00:21:46,555 --> 00:21:47,638
- What is it?
373
00:21:59,747 --> 00:22:01,996
(plopping)
374
00:22:13,559 --> 00:22:14,898
(cell phone ringing)
375
00:22:14,898 --> 00:22:17,975
(roaring)
(screaming)
376
00:22:17,975 --> 00:22:20,892
(dramatic music)
377
00:22:20,892 --> 00:22:23,713
(roaring)
378
00:22:23,713 --> 00:22:26,045
(screaming)
379
00:22:29,013 --> 00:22:31,177
(banging)
380
00:22:32,562 --> 00:22:34,730
(roaring)
381
00:22:43,006 --> 00:22:44,506
- [Santa] Krampus!
382
00:22:47,947 --> 00:22:49,291
- What the fuck is it?
383
00:22:49,291 --> 00:22:51,790
- Get the hell outta here now!
384
00:22:57,004 --> 00:23:00,318
(country music)
385
00:23:00,318 --> 00:23:01,151
- Fuck!
386
00:23:02,499 --> 00:23:06,581
- (choking) In the cottage, now!
387
00:23:08,921 --> 00:23:11,169
(grunting)
388
00:23:13,971 --> 00:23:14,882
- What the hell do we do now?
389
00:23:14,882 --> 00:23:16,202
Good idea, call 911!
390
00:23:17,948 --> 00:23:19,043
- It's me.
391
00:23:19,043 --> 00:23:20,651
- What, what does she mean it's me?
392
00:23:20,651 --> 00:23:21,485
Who the hell are you calling?
393
00:23:21,485 --> 00:23:23,352
- [Sadie] Brian, we're in danger!
394
00:23:23,352 --> 00:23:24,186
- Brian?
395
00:23:24,186 --> 00:23:25,018
Gimme that!
- No!
396
00:23:30,890 --> 00:23:32,277
(telephone ringing)
397
00:23:32,277 --> 00:23:33,108
- Hello?
398
00:23:33,958 --> 00:23:34,877
He hung up.
399
00:23:35,829 --> 00:23:37,216
It's been like this all day.
400
00:23:37,216 --> 00:23:38,381
- Get out of--
401
00:23:41,077 --> 00:23:42,567
911, what's your emergency?
402
00:23:42,567 --> 00:23:44,639
- Hi, yeah, I think we're being attacked!
403
00:23:46,451 --> 00:23:48,178
- Oh God, another one.
404
00:23:50,417 --> 00:23:51,477
Okay, stay calm.
405
00:23:51,477 --> 00:23:53,046
Where are you located?
406
00:23:53,046 --> 00:23:54,019
- Santa Land.
407
00:23:56,021 --> 00:23:59,977
- Santa Land, off the 56, but
that was shut down years ago.
408
00:23:59,977 --> 00:24:01,974
- Yes, yes, that one.
409
00:24:01,974 --> 00:24:04,224
(growling)
410
00:24:05,634 --> 00:24:07,657
- Alright, and who's attacking you?
411
00:24:09,107 --> 00:24:13,232
- I don't know, some big, hairy thing!
412
00:24:13,232 --> 00:24:15,478
(growling)
413
00:24:18,913 --> 00:24:20,392
A bear or something!
414
00:24:20,392 --> 00:24:23,834
And a man, I think he's the owner.
415
00:24:23,834 --> 00:24:25,184
- Let me get this straight.
416
00:24:25,184 --> 00:24:29,572
You're in Santa Land,
so you are trespassing.
417
00:24:29,572 --> 00:24:32,223
- No, no, we're just--
418
00:24:32,223 --> 00:24:34,763
- [Sadie] I smell gingerbread!
419
00:24:34,763 --> 00:24:35,911
- Hurry!
420
00:24:35,911 --> 00:24:37,463
- Is this some kind of practical joke?
421
00:24:37,463 --> 00:24:38,773
- No, no, we're--
422
00:24:38,773 --> 00:24:42,231
- Is anybody actually
injured or in danger?
423
00:24:42,231 --> 00:24:43,873
- No, we're fine!
424
00:24:43,873 --> 00:24:46,722
But that is only because we're
barricaded in his cottage!
425
00:24:48,931 --> 00:24:50,873
- A bear sent you into his cottage?
426
00:24:50,873 --> 00:24:52,986
Listen, who do you think you are?
427
00:24:52,986 --> 00:24:55,822
You're trying to pull
some kind of shit on me
428
00:24:55,822 --> 00:24:57,721
and you should be ashamed
of yourself, okay,
429
00:24:57,721 --> 00:25:00,941
because tonight it's Jesus'
birthday, so goodbye!
430
00:25:00,941 --> 00:25:02,681
(phone clicking)
431
00:25:02,681 --> 00:25:03,512
- Asshole!
432
00:25:03,512 --> 00:25:05,559
Hung up on me!
433
00:25:05,559 --> 00:25:08,535
Oh, we're fucking fucked.
434
00:25:08,535 --> 00:25:09,585
We're fucking fucked.
435
00:25:13,847 --> 00:25:16,781
(growling)
436
00:25:16,781 --> 00:25:17,818
(banging door)
437
00:25:17,818 --> 00:25:20,150
(screaming)
438
00:25:22,570 --> 00:25:23,986
- Sadie, help us!
439
00:25:31,085 --> 00:25:32,973
- Now, let's try to arm ourselves, okay?
440
00:25:32,973 --> 00:25:33,805
- Yeah.
441
00:25:33,805 --> 00:25:34,637
- Okay.
442
00:25:36,283 --> 00:25:38,638
(cell phone dialing)
443
00:25:38,638 --> 00:25:40,548
- Hi, please don't hang up!
444
00:25:40,548 --> 00:25:43,648
Okay, we're trapped inside Santa Land.
445
00:25:43,648 --> 00:25:47,402
Our van got towed and we have
no way of getting out of here!
446
00:25:48,499 --> 00:25:51,087
- This is 911, not a car service.
447
00:25:53,762 --> 00:25:56,260
- Why do they keep doing that?
448
00:26:05,356 --> 00:26:07,512
(roof creaking)
449
00:26:07,512 --> 00:26:09,680
(gasping)
450
00:26:10,819 --> 00:26:13,070
(clomping)
451
00:26:20,486 --> 00:26:22,821
(whooshing)
452
00:26:29,478 --> 00:26:31,811
(screaming)
453
00:26:32,794 --> 00:26:35,047
(punching)
454
00:26:35,915 --> 00:26:36,936
- Stop it, now!
455
00:26:36,936 --> 00:26:38,834
Come on, would you stop it now?
456
00:26:38,834 --> 00:26:39,668
Stop it.
457
00:26:41,126 --> 00:26:42,653
(yelling)
458
00:26:42,653 --> 00:26:43,790
(punching)
459
00:26:43,790 --> 00:26:44,720
Ow!
460
00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:46,774
- What are you gonna do you fat fuck, huh?
461
00:26:46,774 --> 00:26:48,425
- I'm not fat, you're fat.
462
00:26:48,425 --> 00:26:51,093
(girls yelling)
463
00:26:54,174 --> 00:26:58,591
(zapping)
(thudding)
464
00:27:03,352 --> 00:27:05,254
Now, that's enough!
465
00:27:05,254 --> 00:27:06,085
Sit.
466
00:27:13,124 --> 00:27:15,577
That should keep him out for now.
467
00:27:15,577 --> 00:27:16,781
- What the hell was that?
468
00:27:16,781 --> 00:27:19,011
- You know, I'm very
disappointed in you girls.
469
00:27:19,011 --> 00:27:21,251
All of you have been very naughty.
470
00:27:21,251 --> 00:27:23,243
You've been trespassing on my property
471
00:27:23,243 --> 00:27:24,800
and you're fucking my shit up!
472
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:26,465
- That's our motto!
473
00:27:27,683 --> 00:27:29,561
- We weren't trespassing on your property,
474
00:27:29,561 --> 00:27:31,110
we were just exploring.
475
00:27:31,110 --> 00:27:32,932
- Oh, enough of this
bullshit, I don't care.
476
00:27:32,932 --> 00:27:35,290
You guys gotta get out of here.
477
00:27:35,290 --> 00:27:38,601
Go into town, take my
bike, and get your van.
478
00:27:38,601 --> 00:27:39,541
- Fuck that!
479
00:27:39,541 --> 00:27:40,861
There's some Bigfoot out there
480
00:27:40,861 --> 00:27:42,631
and we're not calling the police?
481
00:27:42,631 --> 00:27:44,743
- Yeah, forget it, I'm calling Sean.
482
00:27:47,943 --> 00:27:49,423
- This is not for the police.
483
00:27:50,999 --> 00:27:52,781
- Hillbillies are crazy!
484
00:27:52,781 --> 00:27:54,879
- I'm not a hillbilly, you're a hillbilly.
485
00:27:56,489 --> 00:27:57,760
- I don't know who's crazier,
486
00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:00,160
this magician, or that wildebeest.
487
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:03,688
But, I am reporting your ass
to the ASPCA, just so you know.
488
00:28:03,688 --> 00:28:06,120
- Okay, hold on, just
hold on for a second.
489
00:28:07,978 --> 00:28:08,962
I need to explain.
490
00:28:13,900 --> 00:28:16,021
I don't know how to say this.
491
00:28:16,021 --> 00:28:17,939
I never thought I'd have to say this.
492
00:28:17,939 --> 00:28:20,128
- Spit it out, already!
493
00:28:20,128 --> 00:28:21,359
- Would you listen!
494
00:28:22,719 --> 00:28:23,978
This is my property
495
00:28:26,356 --> 00:28:27,462
and I'm Santa.
496
00:28:29,067 --> 00:28:31,250
Hence, Santa Land.
497
00:28:32,577 --> 00:28:35,878
I'm the real fucking deal, Santa.
498
00:28:35,878 --> 00:28:39,618
And that thing out
there, that is no animal.
499
00:28:41,887 --> 00:28:43,084
That's Krampus.
500
00:28:47,753 --> 00:28:48,585
Krampus?
501
00:28:50,401 --> 00:28:51,233
Krampus.
502
00:28:52,191 --> 00:28:53,024
Krampus!
503
00:28:54,374 --> 00:28:57,425
Oh, goddamn it, I'm
Santa and that's Krampus!
504
00:28:57,425 --> 00:28:58,789
The devil of Christmas!
505
00:29:03,878 --> 00:29:04,710
Krampus!
506
00:29:09,083 --> 00:29:11,624
- And I'm the fucking tooth fairy.
507
00:29:11,624 --> 00:29:13,507
- Oh yeah, that's really adorable.
508
00:29:13,507 --> 00:29:15,558
Oh, if you only knew.
509
00:29:15,558 --> 00:29:17,809
(grunting)
510
00:29:22,604 --> 00:29:23,771
Want a cookie?
511
00:29:28,885 --> 00:29:30,203
(telephone ringing)
512
00:29:30,203 --> 00:29:31,301
- [Bruce] Come on!
513
00:29:31,301 --> 00:29:32,751
- 911, what's your emergency?
514
00:29:34,074 --> 00:29:34,905
Where?
515
00:29:35,742 --> 00:29:36,917
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
516
00:29:36,917 --> 00:29:37,859
- [Bruce] Come on.
517
00:29:37,859 --> 00:29:39,324
- You've gotta speak slower I can't--
518
00:29:39,324 --> 00:29:43,462
Where did you find the body?
- Sit down, sit down!
519
00:29:43,462 --> 00:29:45,544
- Another damn body, Bruce!
520
00:29:45,544 --> 00:29:48,382
Missing kids, prank calls!
521
00:29:48,382 --> 00:29:50,642
I just can't take this anymore. (crying)
522
00:29:50,642 --> 00:29:53,511
Yes, honey, I'm here, I'm still here.
523
00:29:53,511 --> 00:29:55,331
We'll send you somebody--
- Son of a bitch!
524
00:29:55,331 --> 00:29:58,075
- [Operator] Right away,
just give us the address.
525
00:29:58,075 --> 00:30:00,826
(dramatic music)
526
00:30:05,780 --> 00:30:08,029
(growling)
527
00:30:17,044 --> 00:30:21,627
(squishing)
(slurping)
528
00:30:46,423 --> 00:30:48,673
(dripping)
529
00:31:27,825 --> 00:31:30,073
(whistles)
530
00:31:33,875 --> 00:31:36,017
- Oh, he's a beast, alright.
531
00:31:37,225 --> 00:31:39,154
If you only knew.
532
00:31:39,154 --> 00:31:41,556
He's also part man and part devil.
533
00:31:42,888 --> 00:31:44,616
Krampus is a killer!
534
00:31:46,394 --> 00:31:47,844
He's also my fucking partner.
535
00:31:48,715 --> 00:31:49,547
- Can Santa say fuck?
536
00:31:49,547 --> 00:31:51,744
- No, that is what
redneck freaks say before
537
00:31:51,744 --> 00:31:54,468
they hang you on meat hooks as decoration.
538
00:31:55,954 --> 00:31:58,572
Okay, Santa Claus, we're gonna leave you
539
00:31:58,572 --> 00:32:00,342
and your killer Wookiee here alone
540
00:32:00,342 --> 00:32:02,635
and we're gonna get the hell out of here.
541
00:32:02,635 --> 00:32:06,464
- Alexi, did you not see that
little spectacle over there?
542
00:32:06,464 --> 00:32:09,014
Did you not see my magic cane?
543
00:32:09,942 --> 00:32:12,494
- Santa doesn't walk around with a cane.
544
00:32:13,562 --> 00:32:16,102
- The cane comes with me,
not that your folklore
545
00:32:16,102 --> 00:32:19,962
ever covers that because no
one's ever seen me in action.
546
00:32:19,962 --> 00:32:21,221
- Did you just call me Alexi?
547
00:32:21,221 --> 00:32:26,222
- Yes, you are Alexi and you
are Dahlia and you are Sadie.
548
00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:33,671
- He's some stalker fan, I knew it.
549
00:32:33,671 --> 00:32:36,233
- Wait, have you been creeping
on us this whole time?
550
00:32:36,233 --> 00:32:38,315
- Ever since you were born.
551
00:32:38,315 --> 00:32:39,267
- [Sadie] Gross!
552
00:32:39,267 --> 00:32:42,210
- Oh, come on stop it,
you're wasting my time!
553
00:32:42,210 --> 00:32:44,543
I've been in all your houses at Christmas!
554
00:32:46,226 --> 00:32:49,479
What is it gonna take,
huh, for you to believe me?
555
00:32:49,479 --> 00:32:52,188
Do I have to take flight,
presents magically appear?
556
00:32:52,188 --> 00:32:53,816
What do you want, what do you want?
557
00:32:53,816 --> 00:32:54,650
What do you want?
558
00:32:54,650 --> 00:32:59,252
- Well, if you're really
Santa you'd know what I want.
559
00:32:59,252 --> 00:33:01,867
- (sighs) Fine!
560
00:33:01,867 --> 00:33:04,036
(zapping)
561
00:33:05,398 --> 00:33:06,300
- Oh, my God, yay!
562
00:33:11,559 --> 00:33:14,309
(dramatic music)
563
00:33:30,805 --> 00:33:35,305
(roaring)
(screaming)
564
00:33:38,136 --> 00:33:38,968
- So.
565
00:33:40,074 --> 00:33:42,823
(camera beeping)
566
00:33:44,594 --> 00:33:47,498
Santa, how do you fit down the chimney?
567
00:33:49,406 --> 00:33:50,579
- Magic, of course.
568
00:33:52,825 --> 00:33:54,697
Krampus also uses the chimney,
569
00:33:54,697 --> 00:33:56,678
that's why I blocked mine just in case.
570
00:33:57,676 --> 00:33:59,347
Ha, ha, I know what you're thinking.
571
00:33:59,347 --> 00:34:02,236
What about the houses without chimneys?
572
00:34:02,236 --> 00:34:04,504
I've got other ways of getting in.
573
00:34:04,504 --> 00:34:06,796
I'm telling you not everyone is
574
00:34:06,796 --> 00:34:09,924
so pleased to see me pay a visit.
575
00:34:09,924 --> 00:34:11,814
Here, look at this.
576
00:34:11,814 --> 00:34:12,647
(girls gasping)
577
00:34:12,647 --> 00:34:13,478
Yeah.
578
00:34:13,478 --> 00:34:14,983
- [Dahlia] Nice!
579
00:34:14,983 --> 00:34:16,012
- How do you get to everybody
580
00:34:16,012 --> 00:34:18,563
in the world in just one night?
581
00:34:18,563 --> 00:34:20,255
- More magic.
582
00:34:20,255 --> 00:34:22,375
You see, he only gets the bad ones.
583
00:34:22,375 --> 00:34:25,336
And I'm talking, the really bad children.
584
00:34:26,894 --> 00:34:29,402
- How do you make those reindeer fly?
585
00:34:29,402 --> 00:34:30,995
- (sighs) Magic!
586
00:34:33,674 --> 00:34:34,881
- Wait a second!
587
00:34:34,881 --> 00:34:36,862
Where are your reindeer?
588
00:34:36,862 --> 00:34:39,791
And where's Mrs. Claus
and where are your elves?
589
00:34:39,791 --> 00:34:42,393
- Why don't you tell me how
you walk in those heels?
590
00:34:44,591 --> 00:34:45,792
- Magic.
591
00:34:45,792 --> 00:34:46,912
- Right.
592
00:34:46,912 --> 00:34:49,320
See now that's all you really
need to know about that.
593
00:34:49,320 --> 00:34:50,560
- Yeah, yeah, we get it.
594
00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:52,364
He's bad news, ooh!
595
00:35:00,810 --> 00:35:04,791
- My personal story is just not as
596
00:35:04,791 --> 00:35:06,995
charming as the one that you know of.
597
00:35:10,511 --> 00:35:12,844
(whooshing)
598
00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:18,963
There's no such thing as
a naughty or nice list.
599
00:35:20,230 --> 00:35:24,543
I bring you presents, but
Krampus shreds your ass.
600
00:35:25,976 --> 00:35:28,277
(siren blaring)
601
00:35:28,277 --> 00:35:32,231
In the '40s your culture banned Krampus.
602
00:35:33,189 --> 00:35:35,669
God forbid they should scare a
603
00:35:35,669 --> 00:35:37,908
little morality into the children.
604
00:35:37,908 --> 00:35:40,870
Krampus was out of the
picture in society's eyes.
605
00:35:40,870 --> 00:35:45,439
And you know, quite honestly,
they didn't need me anymore.
606
00:35:45,439 --> 00:35:47,919
Toys were made in factories.
607
00:35:47,919 --> 00:35:52,181
Presents bought, Santa's sit
on their fat asses in malls.
608
00:35:53,329 --> 00:35:56,052
A tough decision, but I
wasn't needed anymore.
609
00:35:57,737 --> 00:36:00,935
So I started this place
so that I could see
610
00:36:00,935 --> 00:36:03,537
the joy in the children's eyes once again.
611
00:36:03,537 --> 00:36:05,554
I had very high hopes for it, but...
612
00:36:06,871 --> 00:36:07,966
I've been fighting a losing battle
613
00:36:07,966 --> 00:36:09,776
to hold on to this land mainly because
614
00:36:09,776 --> 00:36:11,835
I've got Krampus frozen out there.
615
00:36:11,835 --> 00:36:14,628
Had, had Krampus frozen out there.
616
00:36:15,784 --> 00:36:18,118
(whooshing)
617
00:36:20,563 --> 00:36:23,979
Now, you can take Santa out of Christmas,
618
00:36:26,025 --> 00:36:28,326
but you can't take the
Christmas out of Santa.
619
00:36:33,941 --> 00:36:34,774
I don't know.
620
00:36:36,533 --> 00:36:38,184
Well, I got him without his magic switch
621
00:36:38,184 --> 00:36:41,143
and I put him on ice and I left
622
00:36:41,143 --> 00:36:43,196
the North Pole and I never looked behind.
623
00:36:48,043 --> 00:36:49,487
He's my responsibility.
624
00:36:51,395 --> 00:36:52,866
More like my curse.
625
00:36:54,153 --> 00:36:55,735
I don't know how he got his switch
626
00:36:55,735 --> 00:36:57,803
or how he got out of that ice,
627
00:36:57,803 --> 00:37:03,152
but one thing's for sure;
Krampus is out of retirement.
628
00:37:03,344 --> 00:37:06,095
(dramatic music)
629
00:37:10,340 --> 00:37:11,995
(telephone ringing)
630
00:37:11,995 --> 00:37:13,936
- 911, what's your emergency?
631
00:37:14,842 --> 00:37:16,612
Okay, calm down.
632
00:37:16,612 --> 00:37:17,564
Are they breathing?
633
00:37:19,201 --> 00:37:20,044
Mutilated?
634
00:37:21,661 --> 00:37:22,654
The kids, too?
635
00:37:24,961 --> 00:37:29,203
Bruce, they found more kids, dead.
636
00:37:29,203 --> 00:37:32,437
I mean really, really, really dead.
637
00:37:32,437 --> 00:37:35,020
(techno music)
638
00:37:38,948 --> 00:37:39,780
- Damn it!
639
00:37:40,659 --> 00:37:42,664
The team's tied up on Lake Drive.
640
00:37:43,730 --> 00:37:45,652
Dispatch Officer Green and Sean.
641
00:37:58,924 --> 00:38:00,059
- Come on, everybody.
642
00:38:00,059 --> 00:38:00,891
Come on, think.
643
00:38:00,891 --> 00:38:01,723
Come on, think, think!
644
00:38:01,723 --> 00:38:03,148
We need to come up with a plan here.
645
00:38:03,148 --> 00:38:03,982
- Yeah, I've got one!
646
00:38:03,982 --> 00:38:05,058
How about we go to the police and tell
647
00:38:05,058 --> 00:38:06,738
them about your fucking boyfriend?
648
00:38:06,738 --> 00:38:08,541
- No, you can't do that!
649
00:38:08,541 --> 00:38:11,468
What are you gonna do,
tell them I'm Santa Claus?
650
00:38:11,468 --> 00:38:14,491
No, no, plus they'll
kill Krampus on sight.
651
00:38:15,529 --> 00:38:17,697
I can't have that, he cannot be killed.
652
00:38:17,697 --> 00:38:18,528
- What?
653
00:38:18,528 --> 00:38:19,410
- I can't have that.
654
00:38:20,965 --> 00:38:23,383
(stammering)
655
00:38:25,687 --> 00:38:27,408
Krampus cannot be killed!
656
00:38:27,408 --> 00:38:28,307
We're connected...
657
00:38:29,448 --> 00:38:32,578
It's just, it would just
be very bad, very bad.
658
00:38:32,578 --> 00:38:34,279
- Yeah, well, I think human
lives are a little bit
659
00:38:34,279 --> 00:38:35,709
more important than blowing your cover.
660
00:38:35,709 --> 00:38:38,480
- You'll just have to trust
me, there's more at stake here.
661
00:38:39,746 --> 00:38:41,964
After being trapped all of these years
662
00:38:41,964 --> 00:38:44,149
I can just imagine how hungry he is.
663
00:38:46,168 --> 00:38:47,406
- Well, what does he eat?
664
00:38:47,406 --> 00:38:49,380
- Uh, that's not what I mean.
665
00:38:50,335 --> 00:38:51,859
Krampus kills children.
666
00:38:52,943 --> 00:38:56,185
He puts them in that basket
and then he takes them to hell.
667
00:38:56,185 --> 00:38:58,095
- Wait, wait, wait, I saw that basket.
668
00:38:58,095 --> 00:38:59,506
I saw it when we were in the freezer.
669
00:38:59,506 --> 00:39:02,286
He was taking these slimy
hairballs from the basket
670
00:39:02,286 --> 00:39:04,435
and putting them into the Christmas boxes.
671
00:39:04,435 --> 00:39:05,803
- No, you're wrong, he takes them to hell.
672
00:39:05,803 --> 00:39:07,665
- No, I know what we saw.
673
00:39:07,665 --> 00:39:10,714
We were spying on him until he noticed us
674
00:39:10,714 --> 00:39:12,756
and I swear he was taking
those little hairballs,
675
00:39:12,756 --> 00:39:15,855
those disgusting little hairballs
and putting them in boxes.
676
00:39:15,855 --> 00:39:18,805
- All those kids the
ranger was talking about.
677
00:39:18,805 --> 00:39:20,993
- No, no, no, those hairballs,
678
00:39:20,993 --> 00:39:23,753
as you call them, they go to hell!
679
00:39:23,753 --> 00:39:24,636
Not here!
680
00:39:26,615 --> 00:39:28,913
Why, why is he taking all these
681
00:39:28,913 --> 00:39:31,686
children now, before Christmas?
682
00:39:33,254 --> 00:39:34,552
They can't all be naughty.
683
00:39:38,066 --> 00:39:38,917
What is he up to?
684
00:39:45,152 --> 00:39:48,096
- Speaking of naughty,
I think I have a plan.
685
00:39:51,399 --> 00:39:54,733
(music fast forwarding)
686
00:39:57,412 --> 00:40:00,453
- Where's my milk and cookies?
687
00:40:00,453 --> 00:40:02,271
- Oh, come on, Mom!
688
00:40:02,271 --> 00:40:03,725
That's the best part.
689
00:40:05,361 --> 00:40:08,771
- Oh, I know sweetie, but it's late
690
00:40:08,771 --> 00:40:10,924
and that stuff always
gives you nightmares.
691
00:40:11,768 --> 00:40:12,761
- Bed wetter.
692
00:40:12,761 --> 00:40:14,330
- Hey, I'm not a bed wetter!
693
00:40:14,330 --> 00:40:16,121
- I'm not a bed wetter.
694
00:40:16,121 --> 00:40:18,050
- Just that one time.
695
00:40:18,050 --> 00:40:19,780
- [Teenager] You're such a baby.
696
00:40:19,780 --> 00:40:24,358
- Can you please stop
picking on your brother?
697
00:40:24,358 --> 00:40:25,559
- Quit picking on your brother.
698
00:40:25,559 --> 00:40:27,513
I'm so over this place!
699
00:40:28,507 --> 00:40:30,450
- Alright then, just go to bed.
700
00:40:30,450 --> 00:40:31,630
- Gladly.
701
00:40:31,630 --> 00:40:32,521
Sleep tight.
702
00:40:33,418 --> 00:40:35,653
Don't let the homicidal hillbillies bite.
703
00:40:36,559 --> 00:40:37,427
- Don't worry, mom.
704
00:40:37,427 --> 00:40:40,746
I can protect you from those
homicidal hillbillies.
705
00:40:40,746 --> 00:40:42,617
(laughs)
706
00:40:42,617 --> 00:40:43,451
Goodnight.
707
00:40:44,970 --> 00:40:45,897
- Goodnight, sweetie.
708
00:40:45,897 --> 00:40:47,041
I love you.
709
00:40:47,041 --> 00:40:49,039
- [Boy] I love you, too.
710
00:41:06,382 --> 00:41:08,632
(growling)
711
00:41:14,026 --> 00:41:19,024
(screaming)
(glass shattering)
712
00:41:19,635 --> 00:41:22,386
(chilling music)
713
00:41:39,730 --> 00:41:41,554
(screaming)
714
00:41:41,554 --> 00:41:43,721
(roaring)
715
00:41:48,965 --> 00:41:50,148
- Here.
716
00:41:50,148 --> 00:41:50,983
Here.
717
00:41:55,117 --> 00:41:57,553
Once we get him now,
we've gotta trap him till
718
00:41:57,553 --> 00:41:59,832
after midnight and then we're home free.
719
00:41:59,832 --> 00:42:01,572
Well, until I freeze him up again.
720
00:42:01,572 --> 00:42:02,406
- [Dahlia] Why midnight?
721
00:42:02,406 --> 00:42:03,993
- [Alexi] Well, it's Christmas.
722
00:42:03,993 --> 00:42:06,464
- Yeah, and if he takes off without me
723
00:42:06,464 --> 00:42:08,806
the whole world is going to hell.
724
00:42:10,122 --> 00:42:12,262
(growling)
725
00:42:12,262 --> 00:42:14,004
Even more than killing children
726
00:42:14,004 --> 00:42:16,802
he loves women, especially
the naughty ones.
727
00:42:16,802 --> 00:42:19,423
He'll sniff you three out in no time.
728
00:42:19,423 --> 00:42:21,234
- Let's get naughty!
729
00:42:23,617 --> 00:42:25,784
(roaring)
730
00:42:31,971 --> 00:42:32,803
Goddamn it!
731
00:42:36,501 --> 00:42:38,271
(spraying)
732
00:42:38,271 --> 00:42:39,681
Krampus!
733
00:42:39,681 --> 00:42:41,199
Goddamn!
734
00:42:41,199 --> 00:42:42,412
Piss!
735
00:42:42,412 --> 00:42:43,559
Shit!
736
00:42:43,559 --> 00:42:48,558
Motherfuckin' phooey!
(glass shattering)
737
00:42:49,393 --> 00:42:51,702
Goddamn, piss, shit, motherfuckin' phooey!
738
00:42:51,702 --> 00:42:54,648
Goddamn, piss, shit, motherfuckin' phooey!
739
00:42:54,648 --> 00:42:56,812
Goddamn, piss, shit, motherfuckin' phooey!
740
00:42:56,812 --> 00:42:59,296
Goddamn, piss, shit, motherfuckin' phooey!
741
00:42:59,296 --> 00:43:02,004
Goddamn, piss, shit, motherfuckin' phooey!
742
00:43:02,004 --> 00:43:03,291
(roaring)
743
00:43:03,291 --> 00:43:07,872
(thudding)
(screaming)
744
00:43:09,541 --> 00:43:11,465
Get the fuck off me!
745
00:43:11,465 --> 00:43:13,799
(screaming)
746
00:43:18,182 --> 00:43:20,844
(slobbering)
747
00:43:20,844 --> 00:43:23,252
(thudding)
748
00:43:23,252 --> 00:43:25,917
(taser buzzing)
749
00:43:26,938 --> 00:43:31,104
I've never been so happy
to see your fucking face!
750
00:43:33,311 --> 00:43:35,396
(crying)
751
00:43:44,194 --> 00:43:46,305
(gun firing)
752
00:43:46,305 --> 00:43:48,553
(vomiting)
753
00:43:52,022 --> 00:43:53,388
- Jesus, Sean.
754
00:43:56,538 --> 00:43:57,936
- What's going on, buddy?
755
00:43:57,936 --> 00:43:59,249
- It's bad, Sean.
756
00:44:00,986 --> 00:44:02,597
It got both of them.
757
00:44:02,597 --> 00:44:04,153
- Both of Harrison's girls?
758
00:44:04,153 --> 00:44:05,845
- Yeah, both.
759
00:44:05,845 --> 00:44:09,164
Never seen anything
like it in all my life.
760
00:44:09,164 --> 00:44:11,578
We're gonna have to call in
the big guns, that's all.
761
00:44:12,735 --> 00:44:14,694
- I can't write this report.
762
00:44:14,694 --> 00:44:15,995
- Oh, the hell you can't!
763
00:44:20,494 --> 00:44:21,325
- I don't get it.
764
00:44:21,325 --> 00:44:24,055
Why do we need the FBI on a bear attack?
765
00:44:24,055 --> 00:44:27,643
- Look, man, the entire yard
is enclosed, it's gated in.
766
00:44:27,643 --> 00:44:30,663
We couldn't find a single
break in the gate anywhere.
767
00:44:30,663 --> 00:44:31,911
Not one.
768
00:44:31,911 --> 00:44:33,743
- What are you saying?
769
00:44:34,928 --> 00:44:38,743
- Their little hearts were ripped out.
770
00:44:38,743 --> 00:44:41,567
Sean, this ain't no bear.
771
00:44:50,971 --> 00:44:55,152
- This fucking guy is not
gonna ruin my favorite holiday.
772
00:44:55,152 --> 00:44:56,170
- How did Santa get here?
773
00:44:56,170 --> 00:44:58,121
- I don't know, he was right behind us.
774
00:45:01,762 --> 00:45:04,022
- Santa?
775
00:45:04,022 --> 00:45:05,971
- Some lookout he is!
776
00:45:05,971 --> 00:45:07,834
- Shit, is he dead?
777
00:45:07,834 --> 00:45:09,422
(snoring)
778
00:45:09,422 --> 00:45:10,471
- No, he's breathing.
779
00:45:12,502 --> 00:45:14,811
Old man's not dead, just useless.
780
00:45:14,811 --> 00:45:15,814
- Alright, yeah.
781
00:45:16,760 --> 00:45:17,593
Oh, shit.
782
00:45:19,569 --> 00:45:21,263
- Yummy, yummy!
783
00:45:21,263 --> 00:45:22,590
(sniffing)
784
00:45:22,590 --> 00:45:24,170
(growling)
785
00:45:24,170 --> 00:45:26,253
- We've gotta tie him up.
786
00:45:29,076 --> 00:45:32,242
- [Alexi] Can you get this over there?
787
00:45:42,221 --> 00:45:44,564
- He's seriously down for the count, guys.
788
00:45:45,468 --> 00:45:46,558
Picture time?
789
00:45:46,558 --> 00:45:47,421
- Yeah!
790
00:45:48,431 --> 00:45:51,015
(techno music)
791
00:46:04,370 --> 00:46:06,008
Hello!
792
00:46:06,008 --> 00:46:07,312
Hi.
- Hello.
793
00:46:07,312 --> 00:46:08,311
One at a time.
794
00:46:08,311 --> 00:46:10,657
Krampus, ho, ho, ho.
795
00:46:10,657 --> 00:46:12,606
Not so tough now, are you?
796
00:46:12,606 --> 00:46:15,607
- He looks like some sort of
fucked up reindeer, doesn't he?
797
00:46:17,441 --> 00:46:19,966
Look at this little puppy.
798
00:46:19,966 --> 00:46:21,714
I'm the Krampus, oh.
799
00:46:21,714 --> 00:46:22,918
Count of three.
800
00:46:22,918 --> 00:46:24,299
- [Both] One, two, three, Krampus!
801
00:46:25,482 --> 00:46:28,232
(bells jingling)
802
00:46:29,734 --> 00:46:30,636
- [Bruce] It's me.
803
00:46:30,636 --> 00:46:32,079
Listen, listen to me.
804
00:46:33,994 --> 00:46:34,827
This is the Sheriff.
805
00:46:34,827 --> 00:46:39,434
Look, I want you to get out
to Santa Land and I mean now.
806
00:46:40,306 --> 00:46:41,864
You got that?
807
00:46:41,864 --> 00:46:42,749
Go, get on it.
808
00:46:46,060 --> 00:46:47,736
(snoring)
809
00:46:47,736 --> 00:46:50,164
- [Dahlia] Ha, ha, we got you!
810
00:46:50,164 --> 00:46:51,632
- Let's clean you up and then maybe
811
00:46:51,632 --> 00:46:52,861
we'll get home in time for Christmas.
812
00:46:52,861 --> 00:46:53,865
- Okay, let's go.
813
00:46:53,865 --> 00:46:54,698
- Okay.
814
00:46:54,698 --> 00:46:56,482
Dahlia, you on board?
815
00:46:56,482 --> 00:46:57,975
- Yeah, he'll be fine.
816
00:47:01,058 --> 00:47:03,019
(growling)
817
00:47:03,019 --> 00:47:05,006
(roaring)
818
00:47:05,006 --> 00:47:05,839
- No!
819
00:47:06,956 --> 00:47:08,994
(roaring)
(screaming)
820
00:47:08,994 --> 00:47:09,828
Krampus!
821
00:47:12,963 --> 00:47:14,881
Krampus, that's enough!
822
00:47:18,604 --> 00:47:20,854
(groaning)
823
00:47:29,952 --> 00:47:30,787
Wow!
824
00:47:32,045 --> 00:47:32,876
Go!
825
00:47:35,782 --> 00:47:36,617
Go!
826
00:47:38,691 --> 00:47:40,609
(roaring)
827
00:47:40,609 --> 00:47:45,406
- Hi-ya! (thudding)
828
00:47:48,880 --> 00:47:52,092
(Krampus whimpering)
829
00:47:52,092 --> 00:47:54,011
- I think I wet myself.
830
00:48:19,815 --> 00:48:21,148
- [Brian] Sadie!
831
00:48:25,627 --> 00:48:27,035
Sadie!
832
00:48:27,035 --> 00:48:29,388
- Does Krampus talk?
833
00:48:29,388 --> 00:48:30,220
- Never.
834
00:48:31,176 --> 00:48:32,010
- Sadie!
835
00:48:34,443 --> 00:48:36,108
Sadie!
836
00:48:36,108 --> 00:48:36,941
Sadie, oh, my God!
- Brian!
837
00:48:38,060 --> 00:48:39,392
You came for me!
838
00:48:40,761 --> 00:48:42,715
- [Brian] Of course I did,
I was worried about you.
839
00:48:42,715 --> 00:48:43,888
- You were?
840
00:48:43,888 --> 00:48:44,967
- Of course, I was.
841
00:48:44,967 --> 00:48:46,515
What the hell is going on here?
842
00:48:47,625 --> 00:48:50,764
What weird shit has Dahlia
gotten you into this time?
843
00:48:50,764 --> 00:48:52,208
- It's a long story.
844
00:48:54,231 --> 00:48:56,897
(ominous music)
845
00:49:07,186 --> 00:49:10,980
In a nutshell, we're trying
to help the real-life Santa.
846
00:49:10,980 --> 00:49:11,812
- 'Sup?
847
00:49:13,005 --> 00:49:14,433
- Fight the evil Krampus.
848
00:49:16,523 --> 00:49:18,785
- Great, my girlfriend's on drugs.
849
00:49:21,324 --> 00:49:22,424
- I'm your girlfriend?
850
00:49:24,113 --> 00:49:25,992
(crunching)
851
00:49:25,992 --> 00:49:28,230
(screaming)
852
00:49:28,230 --> 00:49:30,563
(squirting)
853
00:49:31,513 --> 00:49:33,678
(roaring)
854
00:49:41,719 --> 00:49:43,053
- What the shit?
855
00:49:48,469 --> 00:49:49,303
- Sean!
856
00:49:50,711 --> 00:49:51,544
Sean?
857
00:49:54,428 --> 00:49:56,009
Answer, goddamn it!
858
00:49:57,633 --> 00:49:59,359
(dramatic music)
859
00:49:59,359 --> 00:50:00,857
- [Santa] Krampus!
860
00:50:03,869 --> 00:50:06,484
(zapping)
861
00:50:06,484 --> 00:50:08,735
(thudding)
862
00:50:14,099 --> 00:50:15,353
- [Sadie] No!
863
00:50:15,353 --> 00:50:16,604
No!
864
00:50:16,604 --> 00:50:21,603
Brian, no! (sobbing)
865
00:50:22,173 --> 00:50:25,834
(electricity zapping)
866
00:50:25,834 --> 00:50:28,083
(grunting)
867
00:50:35,281 --> 00:50:37,530
(punching)
868
00:50:39,558 --> 00:50:41,580
(screaming)
869
00:50:41,580 --> 00:50:43,210
- What the fuck is going on?
870
00:50:43,210 --> 00:50:45,595
(girls yelling)
871
00:50:45,595 --> 00:50:46,876
- We've gotta get out of here!
872
00:50:46,876 --> 00:50:47,811
- [Sadie] He killed Brian!
873
00:50:47,811 --> 00:50:49,001
- Are you okay?
874
00:50:49,001 --> 00:50:50,710
- [Sadie] He killed my Brian!
875
00:50:50,710 --> 00:50:51,543
- [Sean] Who?
876
00:50:51,543 --> 00:50:52,377
- He killed Brian!
877
00:50:52,377 --> 00:50:53,207
- [Sean] Who?
878
00:50:53,207 --> 00:50:54,545
- He killed him!
879
00:50:54,545 --> 00:50:56,264
- [Santa] Krampus!
880
00:50:56,264 --> 00:50:57,095
- Oh, shit.
881
00:50:57,095 --> 00:50:58,679
Put the weapon down now!
882
00:50:58,679 --> 00:51:00,060
Hey, you, put that down!
883
00:51:00,060 --> 00:51:02,730
(taser zapping)
884
00:51:05,457 --> 00:51:07,510
- Come on, over there, you know the drill.
885
00:51:07,510 --> 00:51:08,969
Go on, go on.
886
00:51:08,969 --> 00:51:11,556
- Officer Green just
called in and said Sean
887
00:51:11,556 --> 00:51:13,481
is not responding to his radio.
888
00:51:14,436 --> 00:51:15,694
Have you heard from him?
889
00:51:15,694 --> 00:51:17,340
- As a matter of fact, I have.
890
00:51:17,340 --> 00:51:22,188
They had a report of a strange
truck at old man Kris's.
891
00:51:22,188 --> 00:51:24,324
He went up there to investigate.
892
00:51:24,324 --> 00:51:27,315
- You mean, Santa Land?
893
00:51:27,315 --> 00:51:28,147
- [Bruce] Yeah.
894
00:51:30,288 --> 00:51:32,519
- Shit, I need a cigarette!
895
00:51:32,519 --> 00:51:34,165
- [Bruce] What?
896
00:51:34,165 --> 00:51:35,554
- Oh, look at you.
897
00:51:37,288 --> 00:51:38,412
- What are you doing?
898
00:51:38,412 --> 00:51:39,682
- [Operator] Alright.
899
00:51:39,682 --> 00:51:40,512
(telephone ringing)
900
00:51:40,512 --> 00:51:41,464
- [Bruce] Whose gonna answer the phone?
901
00:51:41,464 --> 00:51:42,906
- [Operator] You are.
902
00:51:42,906 --> 00:51:44,447
- Police department, hello?
903
00:51:45,613 --> 00:51:46,446
Hello?
904
00:51:47,959 --> 00:51:49,991
I don't know how to work it!
905
00:51:49,991 --> 00:51:51,193
(telephone ringing)
906
00:51:51,193 --> 00:51:52,347
Get off the cookies!
907
00:51:59,951 --> 00:52:02,200
(coughing)
908
00:52:04,125 --> 00:52:07,163
- Okay, what the fuck is going on?
909
00:52:07,163 --> 00:52:09,213
Who are you people?
910
00:52:09,213 --> 00:52:10,513
Why are you covered in blood?
911
00:52:10,513 --> 00:52:12,304
Why do you have my gun?
912
00:52:12,304 --> 00:52:15,002
Why does my neck hurt, who tased me?
913
00:52:15,002 --> 00:52:17,594
Kris, I fucking knew you killed that kid!
914
00:52:17,594 --> 00:52:19,072
I knew you were crazy like that!
915
00:52:19,072 --> 00:52:20,712
I need answers and I need 'em now!
916
00:52:20,712 --> 00:52:23,414
- Shut the fuck up, sit down and listen!
917
00:52:24,929 --> 00:52:26,391
- You have to help us.
918
00:52:26,391 --> 00:52:27,881
We need your help.
919
00:52:27,881 --> 00:52:30,339
He killed Brian, he's gonna kill everyone.
920
00:52:30,339 --> 00:52:31,561
- That's the thing.
921
00:52:31,561 --> 00:52:33,913
- It all seems really
crazy, but he didn't do it.
922
00:52:33,913 --> 00:52:35,452
He didn't kill Brian.
923
00:52:35,452 --> 00:52:37,171
The real killer's out there!
924
00:52:37,171 --> 00:52:38,224
He's Santa.
925
00:52:40,889 --> 00:52:43,203
- You picked a hell of a day to do this.
926
00:52:43,203 --> 00:52:45,287
(laughs)
927
00:52:46,340 --> 00:52:48,643
- Look, he's Santa Claus!
928
00:52:50,438 --> 00:52:52,940
- Why are all the hot ones crazy?
929
00:52:52,940 --> 00:52:55,689
Look, this is old man Kris.
930
00:52:55,689 --> 00:52:57,379
Everyone knows Kris.
931
00:52:57,379 --> 00:52:58,948
He used to run Santa Land back in the day,
932
00:52:58,948 --> 00:53:00,859
but now he's just an old hermit.
933
00:53:00,859 --> 00:53:01,691
- Excuse me?
934
00:53:01,691 --> 00:53:04,840
- And he's going to jail
for a very long time
935
00:53:04,840 --> 00:53:06,985
just like you and you and you.
936
00:53:06,985 --> 00:53:08,133
- The hell we are!
937
00:53:08,977 --> 00:53:11,642
(girls yelling)
938
00:53:14,844 --> 00:53:16,085
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
939
00:53:16,085 --> 00:53:17,258
One at a time, one at a time!
940
00:53:17,258 --> 00:53:18,091
You!
941
00:53:18,091 --> 00:53:19,750
- So there's this creature, right?
942
00:53:19,750 --> 00:53:24,278
He's like this big, hairy animal
with these horns, you know?
943
00:53:24,278 --> 00:53:25,110
Um--
944
00:53:25,110 --> 00:53:25,945
- Krampus!
945
00:53:25,945 --> 00:53:27,527
- Yeah.
946
00:53:27,527 --> 00:53:29,907
- Look, I've seen enough mangled kids
947
00:53:29,907 --> 00:53:31,707
in the past week to last a lifetime.
948
00:53:32,646 --> 00:53:34,968
Given the day I've had, I'm not sure if
949
00:53:34,968 --> 00:53:37,941
I trust my gut or what you're telling me.
950
00:53:38,887 --> 00:53:41,386
- The thing is that he's not the killer.
951
00:53:41,386 --> 00:53:42,777
He didn't do it, he's Santa.
952
00:53:42,777 --> 00:53:44,676
Yeah, he's Kris.
953
00:53:44,676 --> 00:53:47,785
Kris Kringle, you know, like, Santa Claus?
954
00:53:47,785 --> 00:53:49,621
- Ho, ho, ho!
955
00:53:49,621 --> 00:53:51,086
Santa Claus.
956
00:53:51,086 --> 00:53:53,297
- Anyway, the thing is we have to save
957
00:53:53,297 --> 00:53:55,767
the world from that monster out there!
958
00:53:55,767 --> 00:53:56,599
- The world?
959
00:53:56,599 --> 00:53:57,431
- Yes!
960
00:53:57,431 --> 00:53:58,655
Sean, do you trust me?
961
00:53:58,655 --> 00:53:59,986
- No!
962
00:53:59,986 --> 00:54:00,907
- Santa?
963
00:54:00,907 --> 00:54:01,739
- [Santa] Hmm?
964
00:54:01,739 --> 00:54:02,977
- Show him your thing.
965
00:54:02,977 --> 00:54:05,145
(zapping)
966
00:54:08,323 --> 00:54:09,155
- Holy shit.
967
00:54:10,924 --> 00:54:12,056
(laughs)
968
00:54:12,056 --> 00:54:13,004
Wow.
969
00:54:13,004 --> 00:54:14,138
(roaring)
970
00:54:14,138 --> 00:54:17,139
Gimme the fucking gun, give it here.
971
00:54:19,157 --> 00:54:20,504
What's it called?
972
00:54:20,504 --> 00:54:22,007
- [Santa] Krampus!
973
00:54:24,213 --> 00:54:25,896
(growling)
974
00:54:25,896 --> 00:54:28,895
(suspenseful music)
975
00:54:41,862 --> 00:54:43,779
- This is unbelievable.
976
00:54:46,181 --> 00:54:47,546
Let's say I do believe you.
977
00:54:49,482 --> 00:54:52,513
When I was a kid and you opened this place
978
00:54:52,513 --> 00:54:54,595
I really thought you were Santa.
979
00:54:54,595 --> 00:54:57,551
It was the only thing this
boring town had going for it.
980
00:54:57,551 --> 00:54:58,802
Christmas all year round.
981
00:54:59,922 --> 00:55:02,021
I thought I was the
luckiest kid in the world.
982
00:55:02,021 --> 00:55:03,621
- Well, goody fucking gum drops.
983
00:55:04,570 --> 00:55:05,541
I'm glad you had your fun.
984
00:55:05,541 --> 00:55:07,270
Here, have a cookie.
- Thank you.
985
00:55:07,270 --> 00:55:08,105
- But we don't have much time.
986
00:55:08,105 --> 00:55:10,384
You see, we gotta trap
him before midnight!
987
00:55:11,781 --> 00:55:13,809
- Yeah, no one knows this forest
988
00:55:13,809 --> 00:55:15,989
like I do, not even you, Kris.
989
00:55:15,989 --> 00:55:19,030
Let's get this Krampus
and take back Christmas!
990
00:55:19,030 --> 00:55:21,910
(dramatic music)
991
00:55:21,910 --> 00:55:24,717
- Okay, Dahlia, you're gonna be our eyes
992
00:55:24,717 --> 00:55:27,251
on the south end in car two
of the bumblebee coaster.
993
00:55:27,251 --> 00:55:28,083
- Got it!
994
00:55:30,090 --> 00:55:31,750
- Sadie, you have your compact?
995
00:55:31,750 --> 00:55:33,619
Great, you're gonna flash
it if you see anything.
996
00:55:33,619 --> 00:55:35,460
You're gonna be in the bumblebee hive.
997
00:55:37,489 --> 00:55:40,762
I'm gonna be perched right
here on top of the north tower.
998
00:55:44,130 --> 00:55:47,546
Sean, you'll be with me in the tower.
999
00:55:47,546 --> 00:55:49,158
- Your wish is my command.
1000
00:55:49,158 --> 00:55:49,989
(gun clicking)
1001
00:55:49,989 --> 00:55:50,823
Santa?
- Hmm?
1002
00:55:50,823 --> 00:55:51,708
- You're gonna be at the house of mirrors
1003
00:55:51,708 --> 00:55:53,488
and you are gonna have
your cane at the ready.
1004
00:55:53,488 --> 00:55:54,836
- I'm there.
1005
00:55:54,836 --> 00:55:57,873
(crunching)
1006
00:55:57,873 --> 00:55:59,455
Yeah!
- Ha!
1007
00:55:59,455 --> 00:56:02,395
(slapping)
1008
00:56:02,395 --> 00:56:03,736
(yelling)
1009
00:56:03,736 --> 00:56:06,730
- Santa Claus is coming to town, bitches!
1010
00:56:07,786 --> 00:56:09,596
(dramatic music)
1011
00:56:09,596 --> 00:56:10,934
- Okay.
1012
00:56:10,934 --> 00:56:13,635
(camera clicking)
1013
00:56:13,635 --> 00:56:15,280
Oh, no, it was blurry.
1014
00:56:15,280 --> 00:56:17,865
(all groaning)
1015
00:56:20,369 --> 00:56:23,370
(suspenseful music)
1016
00:56:43,359 --> 00:56:45,608
(growling)
1017
00:56:50,374 --> 00:56:53,278
(creaking)
1018
00:56:53,278 --> 00:56:54,268
- Shit!
1019
00:56:54,268 --> 00:56:57,065
I don't think it's working.
1020
00:56:57,065 --> 00:56:58,313
What do we do now?
1021
00:56:58,313 --> 00:56:59,645
- Good question.
1022
00:57:06,496 --> 00:57:08,746
(growling)
1023
00:57:15,546 --> 00:57:16,380
It's okay.
1024
00:57:16,380 --> 00:57:17,723
- Okay.
- It's just a noise.
1025
00:57:17,723 --> 00:57:20,445
(moaning)
1026
00:57:20,445 --> 00:57:22,695
(growling)
1027
00:57:29,558 --> 00:57:30,892
(screaming)
1028
00:57:30,892 --> 00:57:32,459
- Okay.
- Come on!
1029
00:57:32,459 --> 00:57:34,530
- Fuck you! (banging)
1030
00:57:34,530 --> 00:57:35,362
Fuck you!
1031
00:57:39,432 --> 00:57:40,266
Fuck you!
1032
00:57:42,071 --> 00:57:46,406
(yelling)
(slicing)
1033
00:57:49,101 --> 00:57:50,521
(screaming)
1034
00:57:50,521 --> 00:57:54,847
- [Sadie] Hi-ya! (thudding)
1035
00:57:54,847 --> 00:57:56,590
- [Santa] This way, Sadie!
1036
00:57:56,590 --> 00:57:59,296
(roaring)
1037
00:57:59,296 --> 00:58:00,429
(punching)
1038
00:58:00,429 --> 00:58:01,598
- [Sean] Nice!
1039
00:58:03,232 --> 00:58:04,315
Motherfucker!
1040
00:58:06,048 --> 00:58:06,882
Come on!
1041
00:58:07,831 --> 00:58:10,579
(dramatic music)
1042
00:58:11,862 --> 00:58:13,497
Fucking asshole!
1043
00:58:13,497 --> 00:58:15,829
(screaming)
1044
00:58:25,358 --> 00:58:28,107
(engine revving)
1045
00:58:34,215 --> 00:58:35,818
- Stop!
1046
00:58:35,818 --> 00:58:36,967
- Cherry?
1047
00:58:36,967 --> 00:58:38,247
- What the hell is she doing here?
1048
00:58:38,247 --> 00:58:39,809
- Get those girls to safety.
1049
00:58:41,276 --> 00:58:43,318
I'll take care of these guys.
1050
00:58:45,546 --> 00:58:47,676
- Who the fuck called
the fucking bartender?
1051
00:58:47,676 --> 00:58:49,297
- I got this.
1052
00:58:49,297 --> 00:58:51,768
I am the wifey, after all.
1053
00:58:54,466 --> 00:58:57,104
Ain't that right, honey?
1054
00:58:57,104 --> 00:59:00,249
- Baby, I missed you so much.
1055
00:59:01,094 --> 00:59:03,795
(engine revving)
1056
00:59:03,795 --> 00:59:06,105
- How is she gonna capture Krampus?
1057
00:59:06,105 --> 00:59:08,116
- Well, she's his crazy ex, right?
1058
00:59:09,174 --> 00:59:10,707
That must make her Mrs. Claus!
1059
00:59:11,826 --> 00:59:12,658
Come on!
1060
00:59:14,274 --> 00:59:18,284
- Of all nights, you chose tonight
1061
00:59:18,284 --> 00:59:21,014
to call in some bitches for fun?
1062
00:59:21,014 --> 00:59:21,848
- No, no, no, no--
1063
00:59:21,848 --> 00:59:23,874
- Big surprise!
- It's not what it looks like.
1064
00:59:23,874 --> 00:59:25,873
- You whimpering fool!
1065
00:59:25,873 --> 00:59:27,296
You failed me again!
1066
00:59:29,023 --> 00:59:33,243
I always stuck by you even
when your business failed
1067
00:59:33,243 --> 00:59:34,595
and we had to eat the reindeer.
1068
00:59:34,595 --> 00:59:36,862
Did I ever complain?
1069
00:59:36,862 --> 00:59:37,696
- Never.
1070
00:59:40,313 --> 00:59:44,705
- Don't you know what I've been up to?
1071
00:59:44,705 --> 00:59:47,871
(laughing menacingly)
1072
00:59:57,793 --> 01:00:00,540
(telephone ringing)
1073
01:00:00,540 --> 01:00:02,432
- Margaret, he's just drunk.
1074
01:00:02,432 --> 01:00:04,030
He's gonna be fine tomorrow, don't--
1075
01:00:04,030 --> 01:00:08,452
Look, Margaret, I gotta,
hang on a second I got--
1076
01:00:08,452 --> 01:00:10,031
Goddamn it!
1077
01:00:10,031 --> 01:00:11,292
No, not you, Margaret.
1078
01:00:12,680 --> 01:00:13,511
Hold on.
1079
01:00:15,650 --> 01:00:18,230
Green, this is the sheriff.
1080
01:00:18,230 --> 01:00:21,101
Look, we haven't heard
from Sean in a while.
1081
01:00:21,101 --> 01:00:22,159
He went out to Santa Land.
1082
01:00:22,159 --> 01:00:24,299
I need you guys to get out
there, I'm a little bit worried.
1083
01:00:24,299 --> 01:00:25,889
Find out what the heck is going on.
1084
01:00:25,889 --> 01:00:26,722
- [Green] Jesus Christ, Sean!
1085
01:00:26,722 --> 01:00:28,316
- Get out there right now.
1086
01:00:28,316 --> 01:00:29,149
- [Green] Okay.
1087
01:00:29,149 --> 01:00:30,481
- Good, thank you.
1088
01:00:30,481 --> 01:00:32,180
(telephone ringing)
1089
01:00:32,180 --> 01:00:33,013
Jesus.
1090
01:00:34,317 --> 01:00:37,108
Margaret, hello?
1091
01:00:37,108 --> 01:00:37,988
(all panting and crying)
1092
01:00:37,988 --> 01:00:38,821
- [Sean] Come on!
1093
01:00:42,925 --> 01:00:45,345
- [Alexi] What is this place?
1094
01:00:53,878 --> 01:00:58,626
(door closing)
(gasping)
1095
01:01:00,771 --> 01:01:02,058
(siren blaring)
1096
01:01:02,058 --> 01:01:04,723
(country music)
1097
01:01:08,117 --> 01:01:09,547
(ominous music)
1098
01:01:09,547 --> 01:01:10,380
- Krampus!
1099
01:01:12,115 --> 01:01:14,864
(chain rattling)
1100
01:01:19,845 --> 01:01:22,195
(zapping)
1101
01:01:22,195 --> 01:01:23,546
Cherry, what have you done?
1102
01:01:24,875 --> 01:01:29,876
- I was nobody to you and
nobody to the entire world.
1103
01:01:30,445 --> 01:01:32,564
You saw the way they portrayed me.
1104
01:01:32,564 --> 01:01:37,565
Always at your side with a
plate of cookies to serve you.
1105
01:01:37,582 --> 01:01:38,413
Uh-uh-uh.
1106
01:01:39,803 --> 01:01:44,804
I was portrayed as fat, ugly and old.
1107
01:01:45,902 --> 01:01:50,836
When we both know that I am fucking hot!
1108
01:01:54,051 --> 01:01:56,742
I am cleansing the world of all
1109
01:01:56,742 --> 01:02:00,023
the little shits, naughty or nice!
1110
01:02:00,023 --> 01:02:00,871
And guess what?
1111
01:02:00,871 --> 01:02:01,706
- You can't do this!
1112
01:02:01,706 --> 01:02:05,008
- They'll all think it was you!
1113
01:02:05,008 --> 01:02:07,673
(ominous music)
1114
01:02:12,708 --> 01:02:14,204
- [Sadie] What's that noise?
1115
01:02:14,204 --> 01:02:16,214
- It's, uh, rats.
1116
01:02:16,214 --> 01:02:17,072
It's probably just rats.
1117
01:02:17,072 --> 01:02:19,030
Big fucking rats or something.
1118
01:02:19,030 --> 01:02:20,074
- Oh, my God, gross.
1119
01:02:20,074 --> 01:02:24,225
- After everything we went
through rats are gross?
1120
01:02:27,657 --> 01:02:29,755
(thumping)
1121
01:02:29,755 --> 01:02:32,086
(squeaking)
1122
01:02:33,610 --> 01:02:34,445
(screaming)
1123
01:02:34,445 --> 01:02:36,195
- [Sean] Hairy balls!
1124
01:02:38,730 --> 01:02:41,396
(ominous music)
1125
01:02:44,439 --> 01:02:46,130
- Why are you doing this?
1126
01:02:46,130 --> 01:02:50,389
- To rewrite history my
way with a little help
1127
01:02:50,389 --> 01:02:54,333
from my (snarling) hairy boyfriend.
1128
01:02:56,931 --> 01:02:58,401
(growling)
1129
01:02:58,401 --> 01:03:00,651
(laughing)
1130
01:03:03,781 --> 01:03:04,614
Oh, baby!
1131
01:03:05,519 --> 01:03:10,517
You were too busy spreading
love to the world.
1132
01:03:11,428 --> 01:03:14,094
(Santa gagging)
1133
01:03:15,191 --> 01:03:18,580
Krampus, go get our sleigh.
1134
01:03:19,837 --> 01:03:23,099
We have work to do tonight.
1135
01:03:23,099 --> 01:03:25,351
(laughing)
1136
01:03:28,925 --> 01:03:31,259
(squeaking)
1137
01:03:33,796 --> 01:03:36,130
(screaming)
1138
01:03:38,394 --> 01:03:40,646
(snapping)
1139
01:03:42,876 --> 01:03:45,209
- [Sean] Killer hairy balls!
1140
01:03:48,320 --> 01:03:50,487
(chewing)
1141
01:03:52,205 --> 01:03:54,540
(squeaking)
1142
01:04:00,688 --> 01:04:02,936
(snapping)
1143
01:04:03,862 --> 01:04:06,195
(screaming)
1144
01:04:21,222 --> 01:04:23,638
(gun firing)
1145
01:04:29,161 --> 01:04:30,504
(laughing)
1146
01:04:30,504 --> 01:04:32,985
- Sounds like it's feeding time.
1147
01:04:36,620 --> 01:04:41,622
Krampus!
1148
01:04:41,717 --> 01:04:43,967
(grunting)
1149
01:04:47,696 --> 01:04:49,947
(growling)
1150
01:05:12,546 --> 01:05:14,514
(screaming)
1151
01:05:14,514 --> 01:05:16,930
(gun firing)
1152
01:05:31,059 --> 01:05:32,350
- We have to stop them.
1153
01:05:41,989 --> 01:05:42,822
Hurry!
1154
01:05:44,069 --> 01:05:45,399
She has my cane.
1155
01:05:47,246 --> 01:05:48,081
Mazel tov!
1156
01:05:57,867 --> 01:06:02,449
(whooshing)
(thudding)
1157
01:06:04,767 --> 01:06:07,913
- Get her off my sleigh,
she's not magical!
1158
01:06:07,913 --> 01:06:08,744
Go, go, go!
1159
01:06:09,611 --> 01:06:14,109
(whacking)
(laughing)
1160
01:06:17,691 --> 01:06:18,609
Go, go, go!
1161
01:06:19,525 --> 01:06:20,444
Go, go, go!
1162
01:06:22,239 --> 01:06:24,406
(roaring)
1163
01:06:30,486 --> 01:06:31,316
Yes!
1164
01:06:39,347 --> 01:06:41,188
(gun firing)
1165
01:06:41,188 --> 01:06:43,354
(roaring)
1166
01:06:55,514 --> 01:06:56,346
- I'm so sorry.
1167
01:06:58,454 --> 01:06:59,703
But you're all connected.
1168
01:07:06,560 --> 01:07:08,727
(slicing)
1169
01:07:09,638 --> 01:07:11,973
(thudding)
1170
01:07:11,973 --> 01:07:14,307
(squirting)
1171
01:07:17,211 --> 01:07:20,908
(Cherry screaming)
1172
01:07:20,908 --> 01:07:23,241
(exploding)
1173
01:07:26,861 --> 01:07:29,528
(siren blaring)
1174
01:07:34,202 --> 01:07:36,568
- Sean, this way, come on!
1175
01:07:37,509 --> 01:07:38,344
Sean!
1176
01:07:39,946 --> 01:07:40,910
Sean!
1177
01:07:40,910 --> 01:07:42,403
Sean, are you alright?
1178
01:07:45,032 --> 01:07:46,196
What happened?
1179
01:07:49,050 --> 01:07:51,316
- You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
1180
01:07:51,316 --> 01:07:53,896
(girls crying)
1181
01:07:59,345 --> 01:08:01,598
(tinkling)
1182
01:08:04,532 --> 01:08:06,553
(growling)
1183
01:08:06,553 --> 01:08:09,884
(spooky jingling music)
1184
01:08:19,872 --> 01:08:23,040
(electricity buzzing)
1185
01:09:28,823 --> 01:09:30,756
- Merry Christmas, bitches!
1186
01:09:31,664 --> 01:09:33,832
(electricity buzzing)
1187
01:09:33,832 --> 01:09:38,081
(fast rock "Deck the Halls" music)
1188
01:09:55,528 --> 01:09:58,184
♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪
1189
01:09:58,184 --> 01:10:00,963
♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪
1190
01:10:00,963 --> 01:10:03,793
♪ Tis the season to be jolly ♪
1191
01:10:03,793 --> 01:10:06,616
♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪
1192
01:10:06,616 --> 01:10:09,529
♪ Don we now our gay apparel ♪
1193
01:10:09,529 --> 01:10:12,334
♪ Fa la la, la la la, la la la ♪
1194
01:10:12,334 --> 01:10:15,167
♪ Troll the ancient Yule tide carol ♪
1195
01:10:15,167 --> 01:10:19,002
♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪
1196
01:10:29,816 --> 01:10:32,440
♪ See the blazing Yule before us ♪
1197
01:10:32,440 --> 01:10:35,267
♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪
1198
01:10:35,267 --> 01:10:38,102
♪ Strike the harp and join the chorus ♪
1199
01:10:38,102 --> 01:10:40,904
♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪
1200
01:10:40,904 --> 01:10:43,802
♪ Follow me in merry measure ♪
1201
01:10:43,802 --> 01:10:46,734
♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪
1202
01:10:46,734 --> 01:10:49,501
♪ While I tell of Yule tide treasure ♪
1203
01:10:49,501 --> 01:10:54,499
♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪
1204
01:10:55,370 --> 01:11:00,371
♪ Fa la la la la ♪
1205
01:11:00,948 --> 01:11:04,190
♪ Fa la la la la ♪
1206
01:11:04,190 --> 01:11:06,720
♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪
1207
01:11:06,720 --> 01:11:09,525
♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪
1208
01:11:09,525 --> 01:11:12,387
♪ Tis the season to be jolly ♪
1209
01:11:12,387 --> 01:11:15,310
♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪
1210
01:11:15,310 --> 01:11:18,057
♪ Don we now our gay apparel ♪
1211
01:11:18,057 --> 01:11:20,923
♪ Fa la la, la la la, la la la ♪
1212
01:11:20,923 --> 01:11:23,782
♪ Troll the ancient Yule tide carol ♪
1213
01:11:23,782 --> 01:11:27,616
♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪
1214
01:11:49,789 --> 01:11:54,371
♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪
1215
01:11:54,371 --> 01:11:57,705
(chilling techno music)
1216
01:15:23,231 --> 01:15:25,981
(fast rap music)
1217
01:15:48,185 --> 01:15:50,769
(techno music)
1218
01:16:56,063 --> 01:16:58,399
(whooshing)
75772
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