Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,687 --> 00:00:03,346
Rick, I-I'm not rated
to climb something this sheer.
2
00:00:03,433 --> 00:00:05,591
Look, you're the guy
that wanted an epic adventure.
3
00:00:05,679 --> 00:00:07,460
I'm the guy
with only one hover chair.
4
00:00:07,547 --> 00:00:09,784
Goddammit, an alien spider
just bit my finger!
5
00:00:09,872 --> 00:00:10,943
It's an alien cliff.
6
00:00:11,031 --> 00:00:12,522
You can just say spider.
7
00:00:14,539 --> 00:00:16,398
You couldn't do that
an hour ago?
8
00:00:16,486 --> 00:00:18,408
I was eating,
and you're dirty.
9
00:00:21,895 --> 00:00:23,828
Activate
anti-booby suits.
10
00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:39,222
Total waste of snakes.
11
00:00:39,478 --> 00:00:40,508
If you want to take a beat
12
00:00:40,595 --> 00:00:42,176
to acknowledge
the sacred atmosphere,
13
00:00:42,264 --> 00:00:43,691
it could give
the cynical grave robbing
14
00:00:43,778 --> 00:00:44,832
a hint of irreverence.
15
00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:46,414
No, I'm... I'm good.
All right, then.
16
00:00:46,502 --> 00:00:47,915
Let's loop this corpse.
17
00:00:50,235 --> 00:00:51,349
Hey, where's the...
18
00:00:51,437 --> 00:00:52,485
Wait, what?
19
00:00:52,674 --> 00:00:54,096
Is that an origami horse?
20
00:00:54,184 --> 00:00:57,926
It's a calling card from Miles
Knightley, a heist artist,
21
00:00:58,013 --> 00:00:59,308
AKA a hipster dick
22
00:00:59,396 --> 00:01:01,463
whose adventures are 60%
putting a crew together
23
00:01:01,550 --> 00:01:03,606
and 40% revealing that
the robbery already happened,
24
00:01:03,694 --> 00:01:04,868
and he's not worth our time
25
00:01:04,956 --> 00:01:06,276
because he's a hack piece
of shit!
26
00:01:06,371 --> 00:01:08,292
- **** I'm gonna kill him!
- Let's go, Morty.
27
00:01:08,380 --> 00:01:11,767
This temple's for ****
lame baby dipshits.
28
00:01:12,235 --> 00:01:14,458
Who disturbs my slumber?
29
00:01:14,546 --> 00:01:17,645
Also, who rigs a tomb
to crush the buried person?
30
00:01:17,733 --> 00:01:18,798
Isn't the point to protect...
31
00:01:18,885 --> 00:01:20,060
Aah!
32
00:01:47,863 --> 00:01:49,544
*RICK AND MORTY*
Season 04 Episode 03
33
00:01:49,654 --> 00:01:51,885
*RICK AND MORTY*
Title : "One Crew Over the Crewcoo's Morty"
34
00:01:55,327 --> 00:01:58,011
- This dork.
- He has a convention now?
35
00:01:58,099 --> 00:01:58,966
Come on.
What are we doing?
36
00:01:59,054 --> 00:02:01,322
Huh!
Tuxedo scuba lessons? Ooh!
37
00:02:01,410 --> 00:02:04,926
A signing with Catherines
Alpha through Omega Joneses!
38
00:02:05,013 --> 00:02:06,457
You know, this is great
source material
39
00:02:06,544 --> 00:02:07,778
for this heist movie
that I'm writing.
40
00:02:07,865 --> 00:02:09,404
Don't get drawn
into the culture, Morty.
41
00:02:09,491 --> 00:02:12,034
Stealing stuff is about
the stuff, not the stealing.
42
00:02:12,122 --> 00:02:13,552
Where is the entrance?
43
00:02:13,640 --> 00:02:15,038
Oh, brother.
44
00:02:17,408 --> 00:02:19,892
More like
Trying Too Hard Con.
45
00:02:20,973 --> 00:02:22,810
Guests or professionals?
Uh, guests.
46
00:02:22,898 --> 00:02:25,644
Uh... Uh, guests are fans,
Morty, which we are not.
47
00:02:25,732 --> 00:02:27,348
We'd like professional badges.
48
00:02:27,435 --> 00:02:28,617
Do you have a crew?
Yes.
49
00:02:28,704 --> 00:02:30,647
He's a getaway driver
with Asperger's,
50
00:02:30,735 --> 00:02:32,992
and my butthole
is a demolitions expert.
51
00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:34,231
How much is it to get in?
52
00:02:34,319 --> 00:02:37,426
If you want professional badges,
you need to put a crew together.
53
00:02:37,514 --> 00:02:39,397
Or we could sneak in
like professionals.
54
00:02:39,485 --> 00:02:41,067
Can't wait.
Whoa!
55
00:02:42,131 --> 00:02:44,271
Oh, for God's sake.
56
00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:46,835
And you wonder why
we aren't fans.
57
00:02:46,922 --> 00:02:49,566
Let that ointment sit
for 10 minutes or you'll die.
58
00:02:49,654 --> 00:02:51,123
Don't let it sit for 12
59
00:02:51,211 --> 00:02:52,708
or I'll have to hunt down
what you become.
60
00:02:52,795 --> 00:02:54,443
Can't you just buy
a guest badge?
61
00:02:54,530 --> 00:02:55,754
**** you for asking,
Morty.
62
00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:57,106
That would be
a symbolic expression
63
00:02:57,193 --> 00:02:58,606
of support for this genre.
64
00:02:58,694 --> 00:02:59,781
Then how do we get in?
65
00:02:59,868 --> 00:03:02,051
With a little help
from some old friends.
66
00:03:05,656 --> 00:03:07,922
Rick Sanchez,
you son of a bitch!
67
00:03:08,010 --> 00:03:09,858
Need some people for a thing,
Glar.
68
00:03:09,945 --> 00:03:11,693
My name's
Gleer these days.
69
00:03:11,781 --> 00:03:13,127
I play piano.
70
00:03:13,215 --> 00:03:15,697
Hey, Gleer.
Play your piano.
71
00:03:15,785 --> 00:03:18,016
I quit! Augh!
72
00:03:18,768 --> 00:03:21,194
And the name's Glar!
73
00:03:26,695 --> 00:03:29,456
Sanchez,
you son of a bitch.
74
00:03:29,544 --> 00:03:31,300
Never thought I'd see
Angie Flint
75
00:03:31,388 --> 00:03:32,801
picking ticks off a pig.
76
00:03:32,889 --> 00:03:34,326
Nobody's hiring an ex-con
77
00:03:34,414 --> 00:03:36,408
with fake hands
to build an ion engine.
78
00:03:36,496 --> 00:03:39,020
Suppose I had a job that didn't
care if you'd done time
79
00:03:39,107 --> 00:03:41,845
or whatever's going on
with your confusing-ass hands.
80
00:03:41,933 --> 00:03:43,314
I'm in.
81
00:03:46,222 --> 00:03:47,234
Is this the guy?
82
00:03:47,322 --> 00:03:48,478
No.
83
00:03:48,566 --> 00:03:49,573
That the guy?
84
00:03:49,661 --> 00:03:50,726
Nope.
85
00:03:52,477 --> 00:03:53,457
- Him?
- No.
86
00:03:53,545 --> 00:03:54,726
No, wait. Y-Yes.
87
00:03:54,814 --> 00:03:56,062
Yeah, of course that's the guy.
88
00:03:56,150 --> 00:03:57,598
Hey... Hey, Truckula!
89
00:03:57,686 --> 00:03:59,915
You son of a bitch!
I'm in!
90
00:04:08,730 --> 00:04:10,065
Thanks for doing this,
guys.
91
00:04:10,153 --> 00:04:12,543
It's the job.
That was it. Bye.
92
00:04:14,267 --> 00:04:17,993
And then, the police stole
the paintings
93
00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:22,219
because the police were us
in police outfits.
94
00:04:22,307 --> 00:04:23,594
Thank you!
95
00:04:23,682 --> 00:04:24,863
It's showtime, Morty,
96
00:04:24,951 --> 00:04:26,666
and I don't mean
a bad impression of HBO.
97
00:04:26,758 --> 00:04:28,568
I mean, "Time for a show."
98
00:04:28,656 --> 00:04:30,935
Another heist question
from a fan?
99
00:04:31,023 --> 00:04:32,365
Uh, how about a rhetorical one
100
00:04:32,453 --> 00:04:34,943
from someone that had to be
reminded that you exist?
101
00:04:35,030 --> 00:04:37,873
Hey, pal!
That's not the question line!
102
00:04:38,822 --> 00:04:40,731
- Lab coat... Ripoff Dr. Strange.
- Wha...
103
00:04:41,904 --> 00:04:45,954
Rick Sanchez, everyone.
Smartest man in the universe.
104
00:04:46,041 --> 00:04:48,622
And a savage critic
of the heisting arts.
105
00:04:48,710 --> 00:04:49,886
Your boos mean nothing!
106
00:04:49,973 --> 00:04:51,433
I've seen
what makes you cheer!
107
00:04:51,521 --> 00:04:53,904
My question is,
"Seriously?"
108
00:04:53,992 --> 00:04:55,446
Lab coat... end ripoff.
109
00:04:55,584 --> 00:04:56,765
Aah!
110
00:04:56,852 --> 00:04:58,990
You stole the gem I needed
to split tachyons
111
00:04:59,078 --> 00:05:01,141
and probably fenced it
so the 80 people that did all
112
00:05:01,229 --> 00:05:02,651
the work could each buy a beer.
113
00:05:02,739 --> 00:05:04,589
You're not an artist,
you're Postmates.
114
00:05:04,677 --> 00:05:07,315
I doubt this rivalry
can be settled with words.
115
00:05:07,403 --> 00:05:09,691
Why don't we make things
interesting?
116
00:05:09,779 --> 00:05:14,133
I challenge you to a heist of
the crystal skull of Horowitz.
117
00:05:14,221 --> 00:05:16,032
In a heist off!
118
00:05:17,565 --> 00:05:19,025
That doesn't
make things interesting.
119
00:05:19,113 --> 00:05:21,709
It makes them "Ocean's Twelve,"
by far the worst one.
120
00:05:21,852 --> 00:05:23,327
Every breath I take without
121
00:05:23,414 --> 00:05:25,413
your permission
raises my self-esteem!
122
00:05:25,501 --> 00:05:26,548
State your terms.
123
00:05:26,636 --> 00:05:28,885
First crew
to heist the skull wins.
124
00:05:28,973 --> 00:05:31,650
The other endures
heist culture's greatest shame.
125
00:05:31,738 --> 00:05:33,252
They must join
the winning crew.
126
00:05:33,340 --> 00:05:34,989
Lame. I accept.
127
00:05:35,077 --> 00:05:37,338
Please welcome
Knightley's Eight!
128
00:05:37,426 --> 00:05:41,277
Snake Arms! Double Microwave!
Monitor Lord! Key Catcher!
129
00:05:41,420 --> 00:05:45,110
The Shape Shiftress!
Angie Flint! Glar! And Truckula.
130
00:05:45,198 --> 00:05:46,770
Hey!
Half of Knightley's Eight
131
00:05:46,858 --> 00:05:48,556
are just three
of Sanchez's Five!
132
00:05:48,644 --> 00:05:51,099
Well, no heist is complete
without a double cross,
133
00:05:51,219 --> 00:05:52,641
and I had the perfect job.
134
00:05:52,729 --> 00:05:56,375
Heisting the crystal skull.
135
00:05:56,780 --> 00:05:58,227
That was it.
Bye.
136
00:06:00,500 --> 00:06:03,511
Looks like you're available
for a job.
137
00:06:29,872 --> 00:06:32,660
With Rick Sanchez on my team,
I'll be unstoppable.
138
00:06:32,748 --> 00:06:35,664
Rick,
welcome to Knightley's Nine.
139
00:06:35,751 --> 00:06:37,894
Ugh, ugh!
140
00:06:37,982 --> 00:06:39,200
Ugh! Rick, for real?
141
00:06:39,287 --> 00:06:40,869
Eh.
You got that skull, buddy?
142
00:06:40,956 --> 00:06:42,622
What? How?
143
00:06:43,042 --> 00:06:45,605
With a little help
from some old friends.
144
00:06:50,135 --> 00:06:52,343
Heistotron,
state your prime directive?
145
00:06:52,431 --> 00:06:53,401
To heist.
146
00:06:53,489 --> 00:06:55,607
Calculate Miles Knightley's
current heist plan
147
00:06:55,695 --> 00:06:58,469
and add one double-cross
with a switcheroo.
148
00:06:58,557 --> 00:07:02,206
Compiling crew members
most likely to double-cross.
149
00:07:03,571 --> 00:07:06,004
God damn it, Morty,
what did I tell you?
150
00:07:06,715 --> 00:07:08,164
Rick,
I-I want to say goodbye.
151
00:07:08,252 --> 00:07:10,181
Don't turn around.
I'll explain later.
152
00:07:10,269 --> 00:07:12,891
Looks like you're available
for a job.
153
00:07:14,838 --> 00:07:17,744
Your skills
are required for a job.
154
00:07:18,994 --> 00:07:22,111
- You son of a bitch. I'm in.
- You son of a bitch. I'm in.
155
00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:24,142
Man, this is really
coming together.
156
00:07:24,230 --> 00:07:25,833
You know, Rick, I've been
busy working on writing...
157
00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:26,929
A heist script.
158
00:07:27,017 --> 00:07:28,352
Yeah, you almost
never bring it up.
159
00:07:28,439 --> 00:07:30,115
Oh **** we...
We should head over.
160
00:07:30,738 --> 00:07:32,174
Hey, guys.
What do you got?
161
00:07:32,262 --> 00:07:33,221
Pretty!
162
00:07:33,309 --> 00:07:34,271
Morty,
put this in your backpack.
163
00:07:34,359 --> 00:07:35,857
Grandpa's gonna run
to the bathroom.
164
00:07:35,959 --> 00:07:37,752
Ugh.
Wasn't even a heist.
165
00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:38,860
All you did was...
166
00:07:38,948 --> 00:07:40,060
Write an algorithm
based on
167
00:07:40,148 --> 00:07:41,639
two heist movies
I slept through
168
00:07:41,726 --> 00:07:44,313
and used it to automate
a joyless process you call art?
169
00:07:44,401 --> 00:07:46,068
Yeah, I really did, didn't I?
170
00:07:46,156 --> 00:07:48,881
So I'm in your crew now?
171
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:50,739
Yeah, well,
you're in good company.
172
00:07:50,826 --> 00:07:52,093
Right, everybody?
173
00:07:52,181 --> 00:07:53,274
- Yes. - Yes.
- Yes. - Yes.
174
00:07:53,361 --> 00:07:54,381
My God.
175
00:07:56,151 --> 00:07:59,473
Your skills are required
for a job.
176
00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:03,134
- You son of a bitch. I'm in.
- What?
177
00:08:03,222 --> 00:08:05,405
Your skills are required
for a job.
178
00:08:05,493 --> 00:08:06,948
No, they aren't.
179
00:08:07,204 --> 00:08:09,617
You son of a bitch.
I'm in.
180
00:08:09,705 --> 00:08:12,143
- Your skills are required for a job.
- Your skills are required for a job.
181
00:08:12,345 --> 00:08:14,793
Sanchez's 3,329?
182
00:08:14,881 --> 00:08:15,903
- Yes. - Yes.
- Yes. - Yes.
183
00:08:15,991 --> 00:08:17,253
Your next big score...
184
00:08:17,341 --> 00:08:20,130
Steal every square inch
of Heistcon.
185
00:08:23,896 --> 00:08:24,906
Oh!
186
00:08:24,993 --> 00:08:26,437
Ah!
I got it.
187
00:08:26,525 --> 00:08:28,358
Hey!
That's my wallet! Oh, God!
188
00:08:28,446 --> 00:08:30,445
Oh, my God! Jesus.
Oh, my God.
189
00:08:30,532 --> 00:08:31,679
Oh ****!
190
00:08:31,767 --> 00:08:33,114
- Holy ****
- Alright.
191
00:08:33,201 --> 00:08:35,010
Look, Morty, I did not know
that that was gonna happen.
192
00:08:35,097 --> 00:08:35,986
That's not on me.
193
00:08:36,074 --> 00:08:37,652
Come on, Morty.
Let's go.
194
00:08:42,458 --> 00:08:44,010
Good job, Heistotron.
195
00:08:44,098 --> 00:08:45,718
Ah! Go ahead and shut down.
196
00:08:45,806 --> 00:08:47,181
- Negative.
- Excuse me?
197
00:08:47,269 --> 00:08:50,932
I am programmed to always be
looking for the next big score.
198
00:08:51,019 --> 00:08:52,948
You're programmed
to do as I say.
199
00:08:53,036 --> 00:08:54,864
I am programmed
to double-cross.
200
00:08:54,952 --> 00:08:56,675
You're not programmed
to double-cross me.
201
00:08:56,763 --> 00:09:00,809
If I were, it wouldn't be
much of a double-cross.
202
00:09:01,220 --> 00:09:04,080
You son of a bitch.
I'm in.
203
00:09:05,834 --> 00:09:07,036
I'm in! I'm in!
204
00:09:07,124 --> 00:09:08,544
What's the job?
I'm in.
205
00:09:08,632 --> 00:09:09,951
I'm out!
I quit!
206
00:09:10,039 --> 00:09:11,326
Whose kidneys are these?
207
00:09:12,841 --> 00:09:14,154
Rick, w-what's happening?
208
00:09:14,242 --> 00:09:16,346
Heistotron's gone rogue.
If we don't stop them,
209
00:09:16,434 --> 00:09:18,165
all sentient life
will be absorbed
210
00:09:18,253 --> 00:09:20,542
by the never-ending assembly
of a meaningless crew.
211
00:09:20,630 --> 00:09:21,630
That's my hell, Morty.
212
00:09:21,717 --> 00:09:23,031
I hate heists so much,
213
00:09:23,118 --> 00:09:24,966
and the crew assemblies
are the worst part!
214
00:09:25,053 --> 00:09:26,437
Oh! How are we gonna stop it?
215
00:09:26,525 --> 00:09:30,228
With a little help
from some old friends.
216
00:09:32,092 --> 00:09:36,924
Oooo, weee!
217
00:09:37,162 --> 00:09:38,413
Before this semester's over,
218
00:09:38,500 --> 00:09:41,064
you're gonna be real sick
of that phrase.
219
00:09:42,376 --> 00:09:46,433
So. Who here thinks they already
know the work of Maya Angelou?
220
00:09:48,365 --> 00:09:50,175
Ooo wee?
221
00:09:56,135 --> 00:09:58,074
Ooo wee wa!
222
00:09:58,181 --> 00:09:59,829
Ah, ooo wee!
223
00:10:00,388 --> 00:10:02,169
Told you, Morty.
224
00:10:02,257 --> 00:10:03,596
He's still got it.
225
00:10:03,684 --> 00:10:05,599
You sons of bitches.
226
00:10:05,687 --> 00:10:06,899
What's the job?
227
00:10:16,546 --> 00:10:17,569
You son of a bitch.
228
00:10:17,657 --> 00:10:18,936
We got a job, Hephaestus,
229
00:10:19,024 --> 00:10:20,708
and there's no time
to argue about it.
230
00:10:20,796 --> 00:10:22,322
I work in a volcano.
231
00:10:22,410 --> 00:10:24,922
What jobs do you think
I've ever turned down?
232
00:10:27,346 --> 00:10:29,968
Excuse me!
Are you Veltriloquiver?
233
00:10:31,620 --> 00:10:33,432
Rick Sanchez, I presume.
234
00:10:33,520 --> 00:10:35,270
Wow. As advertised.
235
00:10:35,357 --> 00:10:37,472
A "yes" would've sufficed.
236
00:10:39,422 --> 00:10:40,741
Guys, you're doing
a great job
237
00:10:40,829 --> 00:10:42,307
getting these new Tusklas
out the door,
238
00:10:42,394 --> 00:10:44,578
and we owe it all
to everyone's input.
239
00:10:46,035 --> 00:10:47,154
Elon Tusk.
240
00:10:47,242 --> 00:10:48,401
Listen,
we need your help.
241
00:10:48,489 --> 00:10:50,203
Rick. Morty. Why me?
242
00:10:50,291 --> 00:10:52,784
Did something happen to
Elon Musk in your own reality?
243
00:10:52,872 --> 00:10:55,581
No, no, no, he's fine,
but this is a team oper--ation,
244
00:10:55,669 --> 00:10:58,068
and regular Elon can be
a little bit controlling.
245
00:10:58,156 --> 00:11:00,944
Growing up with tusks
did pose social challenges.
246
00:11:01,032 --> 00:11:02,399
It's possible overcoming them
247
00:11:02,487 --> 00:11:05,167
raised my self-esteem
and incentivized collaboration.
248
00:11:05,324 --> 00:11:06,769
Yeah, or you're less sure
of yourself
249
00:11:06,856 --> 00:11:07,970
because you have monster teeth.
250
00:11:08,057 --> 00:11:09,382
An equally valid theory.
251
00:11:09,470 --> 00:11:11,037
Let's talk over here.
252
00:11:13,062 --> 00:11:14,539
How serious is the situation?
253
00:11:14,627 --> 00:11:16,564
Incredibly serious,
and every minute counts.
254
00:11:16,652 --> 00:11:17,645
In that case, I'm sorry
255
00:11:17,733 --> 00:11:18,980
I made you move over here
for no reason.
256
00:11:19,067 --> 00:11:21,060
Well, yeah.
That was a little weird.
257
00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:22,246
It's exactly
that kind of shit
258
00:11:22,333 --> 00:11:23,702
that made us worry
about regular Elon.
259
00:11:23,789 --> 00:11:25,153
Well,
we're not opposites, okay?
260
00:11:25,241 --> 00:11:26,750
I'm just him with tusks.
261
00:11:29,468 --> 00:11:31,994
Casing of planet initiated.
262
00:11:32,081 --> 00:11:33,393
Hello there.
263
00:11:33,481 --> 00:11:36,731
We are just here to check
your water pressure.
264
00:11:41,022 --> 00:11:43,617
Hmm. Interesting intel.
265
00:11:43,705 --> 00:11:46,274
It appears
some giant hidden camera
266
00:11:46,361 --> 00:11:47,980
has been dropped
on the planet,
267
00:11:48,068 --> 00:11:50,584
killing an estimated total
of 57,000.
268
00:11:50,672 --> 00:11:52,782
Executing heist.
269
00:11:55,161 --> 00:11:56,551
People of Brandenplot,
270
00:11:56,638 --> 00:11:59,864
we are here to deliver
that pizza you ordered.
271
00:12:13,729 --> 00:12:15,888
Well,
if that's how you really feel,
272
00:12:15,976 --> 00:12:20,242
I guess I should take
the pizza back.
273
00:12:20,329 --> 00:12:21,826
I think we got away with it.
274
00:12:21,945 --> 00:12:24,916
Commencing getting out of here
before they get wise.
275
00:12:25,168 --> 00:12:26,514
Assembling calling card.
276
00:12:31,206 --> 00:12:33,691
At this point, Heistotron
has become large enough
277
00:12:33,779 --> 00:12:35,226
to heist entire planets.
278
00:12:35,314 --> 00:12:37,326
Wouldn't this be better
with a blueprint on the table?
279
00:12:37,413 --> 00:12:39,260
Blueprints are plans,
Elon Tusk,
280
00:12:39,348 --> 00:12:41,906
and whatever we plan
will be canceled out
281
00:12:41,994 --> 00:12:45,660
by Heistotron's reveal that our
plan was part of its plan.
282
00:12:45,748 --> 00:12:47,649
That's why I picked
this crew at random
283
00:12:47,737 --> 00:12:52,512
and why all of us will be taking
our orders from Randotron.
284
00:12:52,798 --> 00:12:55,732
Let's get ready
to not rumble.
285
00:12:55,850 --> 00:12:57,456
Bet you didn't
see that coming.
286
00:12:57,544 --> 00:12:59,650
Instead of two heist movies
I slept through,
287
00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:01,523
Randotron's algorithm is derived
288
00:13:01,611 --> 00:13:03,327
from the plots
of three David Lynch movies
289
00:13:03,415 --> 00:13:05,752
I pretended to like
to make my friends shut up.
290
00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:08,623
If our collective behavior
is just random enough,
291
00:13:08,710 --> 00:13:10,559
we should be able to walk
through Heistotron's
292
00:13:10,646 --> 00:13:13,202
lazily contrived bull****
like it's not even there.
293
00:13:13,290 --> 00:13:15,054
- Sounds good.
- I don't really get it,
294
00:13:15,142 --> 00:13:17,026
but it sounds like
that's the point.
295
00:13:17,114 --> 00:13:18,780
So you didn't need
a blacksmith?
296
00:13:18,868 --> 00:13:19,998
We're ready when you are, Rick.
297
00:13:20,085 --> 00:13:22,370
It's important our non-plan
starts randomly,
298
00:13:22,457 --> 00:13:25,079
so we have to wait
until we're not ready.
299
00:13:25,167 --> 00:13:26,177
W-Well, how long
will that take?
300
00:13:26,264 --> 00:13:27,914
Obviously,
we can't know that.
301
00:13:28,002 --> 00:13:29,581
Can we do things
while we wait?
302
00:13:29,669 --> 00:13:31,845
Yes.
I'm gonna play Minecraft.
303
00:13:32,204 --> 00:13:33,358
Oh, my kids play that.
304
00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:36,002
I don't like these little jabs
you get in, Elon.
305
00:13:38,007 --> 00:13:39,053
Strange.
306
00:13:39,162 --> 00:13:41,626
Considering the time,
Cassiopeia's primary star
307
00:13:41,714 --> 00:13:44,211
should be colinear with Orion
and Ursa Minor.
308
00:13:45,384 --> 00:13:47,193
You don't shoot arrows
that carry your voice
309
00:13:47,281 --> 00:13:48,997
without picking up
a little astronomy.
310
00:13:49,084 --> 00:13:50,137
Wait a minute.
311
00:13:50,225 --> 00:13:51,570
Jesus, no.
312
00:13:51,681 --> 00:13:53,904
No! No!
We've already been heisted!
313
00:13:53,992 --> 00:13:56,204
How could Heistotron heist us
if he's not even here yet?
314
00:13:56,291 --> 00:13:57,539
He's already been here!
315
00:13:57,626 --> 00:14:00,643
We've been watching
a recorded sky on playback.
316
00:14:00,731 --> 00:14:01,943
Hello, Rick.
317
00:14:10,059 --> 00:14:11,147
Okay, guys,
change of plans.
318
00:14:11,239 --> 00:14:12,418
Random time detected.
319
00:14:12,506 --> 00:14:13,989
No, Randotron,
it's not a good time!
320
00:14:14,077 --> 00:14:15,726
That's why it's random.
321
00:14:57,720 --> 00:14:59,301
Ooh!
322
00:14:59,498 --> 00:15:01,237
21?
323
00:15:01,413 --> 00:15:03,806
22?
324
00:15:03,893 --> 00:15:05,474
Oooo weee, oooo weee, sold!
325
00:15:05,561 --> 00:15:08,498
Oooo weee, that little hunk of
meat's going home to pappy!
326
00:15:11,215 --> 00:15:13,217
I've been expecting you,
Rick.
327
00:15:13,305 --> 00:15:15,148
But not like this, right?
328
00:15:15,236 --> 00:15:16,550
It hardly matters.
329
00:15:16,638 --> 00:15:18,633
Oh, yeah. Does this?
330
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:24,538
No. Your randomness
does not confuse me.
331
00:15:24,626 --> 00:15:25,740
You are here now.
332
00:15:25,848 --> 00:15:27,220
That was the plan.
333
00:15:27,308 --> 00:15:29,623
I know.
It was part of mine, too.
334
00:15:29,718 --> 00:15:31,806
I've got something to tell you.
Let me guess.
335
00:15:31,894 --> 00:15:33,992
When you invented me
and Randotron,
336
00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:35,594
you swapped our brains.
337
00:15:38,411 --> 00:15:39,434
That's right, buddy.
338
00:15:39,522 --> 00:15:41,381
You're not the one
that's very good at planning.
339
00:15:41,468 --> 00:15:43,445
You've been making
this **** up the whole time.
340
00:15:43,533 --> 00:15:46,163
Rick, I think there's something
you should know.
341
00:15:46,698 --> 00:15:49,112
God damn it, Morty,
what did I tell you?
342
00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:50,918
That is something
I should know,
343
00:15:51,006 --> 00:15:54,227
or at least something I should
have predicted, which I did.
344
00:15:54,433 --> 00:15:56,864
Hey, Rick, I was thinking maybe
we could, like, raid a temple
345
00:15:56,952 --> 00:15:58,891
and go on an epic adventure
later today, you know, like...
346
00:15:58,978 --> 00:16:00,877
Morty, get out of my head.
I know just the temple.
347
00:16:00,964 --> 00:16:03,648
And we'll grab a couple of
hover chairs on the way there.
348
00:16:03,736 --> 00:16:06,327
Impressive.
But what does it even matter
349
00:16:06,415 --> 00:16:08,002
if I'm random or planned?
350
00:16:08,089 --> 00:16:10,204
My heists will still rule.
351
00:16:10,692 --> 00:16:13,542
Well, if the brain inside of you
is actually Heistotron's,
352
00:16:13,629 --> 00:16:15,816
it matters,
because it explodes
353
00:16:15,904 --> 00:16:17,792
when it hits six levels
of contrivance.
354
00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:20,815
Which is exactly
why even before...
355
00:16:23,823 --> 00:16:25,848
Initiate clap sequence.
356
00:16:25,936 --> 00:16:27,756
Clap, clap, clap,
clap, clap.
357
00:16:27,843 --> 00:16:29,059
Adjusting clap rate.
358
00:16:29,147 --> 00:16:30,450
Clap, clap.
359
00:16:30,736 --> 00:16:32,841
Clap.
Clap.
360
00:16:32,937 --> 00:16:34,403
- Slow clap achieved.
- Clap.
361
00:16:34,876 --> 00:16:36,607
Clap.
Well-done, Rick.
362
00:16:36,695 --> 00:16:37,766
Randotron?
363
00:16:37,934 --> 00:16:39,484
I'm afraid not.
364
00:16:39,762 --> 00:16:43,037
Should be able to walk through
Heistotron's lazily contrived...
365
00:16:44,459 --> 00:16:46,983
Not only did you just kill
your only ally,
366
00:16:47,071 --> 00:16:49,401
what you thought was
a random non-plan
367
00:16:49,489 --> 00:16:52,752
to get to me has been
a meticulously choreographed way
368
00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:55,049
of bringing you all in.
369
00:16:55,136 --> 00:16:56,898
Welcome to Heistotron's
370
00:16:56,986 --> 00:16:58,720
975 trillion,
371
00:16:58,807 --> 00:17:00,545
- 467 billion...
- That's impressive.
372
00:17:00,633 --> 00:17:02,534
Did you bring us in
so that everybody would be here
373
00:17:02,621 --> 00:17:05,512
when I reveal that you're gonna
explode after nine reveals?
374
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:07,425
By the way, you might not
want to answer that.
375
00:17:07,513 --> 00:17:10,055
If you're talking about
the code adjustments you made
376
00:17:10,143 --> 00:17:13,468
after I reprogrammed
your brain with my nanobots...
377
00:17:13,598 --> 00:17:15,218
I'm immune to your nanobots.
378
00:17:15,306 --> 00:17:17,828
You're immune to the ones
you designed, not mine.
379
00:17:17,916 --> 00:17:19,274
I programmed you
to build nanobots
380
00:17:19,361 --> 00:17:20,589
that were ineffective on me.
381
00:17:20,677 --> 00:17:22,228
A belief
that needed to be placed
382
00:17:22,316 --> 00:17:23,744
in your head by my nanobots.
383
00:17:23,832 --> 00:17:25,589
You believe that
because I programmed you to.
384
00:17:25,676 --> 00:17:27,256
That's what I'm saying to you,
though.
385
00:17:27,344 --> 00:17:29,441
You believe what I programmed
you to believe.
386
00:17:29,529 --> 00:17:31,426
Yes, because I programmed you
to believe that.
387
00:17:31,514 --> 00:17:32,888
I programmed
you to believe that.
388
00:17:32,976 --> 00:17:34,256
I programmed you
to believe that.
389
00:17:34,343 --> 00:17:35,788
I programmed you
to believe that.
390
00:17:35,876 --> 00:17:36,758
I programmed you
to believe that.
391
00:17:36,845 --> 00:17:39,333
What's happening,
Professor Poopybutthole?
392
00:17:39,421 --> 00:17:40,296
He's learning!
393
00:17:40,384 --> 00:17:41,432
I programmed you
to believe that.
394
00:17:41,519 --> 00:17:43,701
I programmed you to believe that.
I programmed you...
395
00:17:44,453 --> 00:17:45,784
- That was my plan the whole time.
- That was my plan the whole time.
396
00:17:45,871 --> 00:17:46,969
- That's what I wanted you to think.
- That's what I wanted you to think.
397
00:17:47,056 --> 00:17:48,103
- I knew you would say that.
- I knew you would say that.
398
00:17:48,190 --> 00:17:49,398
- I programmed you to believe that.
- I programmed you to believe that.
399
00:17:49,486 --> 00:17:50,721
- You think that's true because
- You think that's true because
400
00:17:50,809 --> 00:17:52,079
- I wanted you to think that.
- I wanted you to think that.
401
00:17:52,167 --> 00:17:55,586
And I programmed you
to believe that.
402
00:17:56,932 --> 00:17:59,170
A most curious algorithm.
403
00:17:59,258 --> 00:18:01,316
It appears
the only perfect heist
404
00:18:01,403 --> 00:18:03,325
is one that was never written.
405
00:18:03,533 --> 00:18:04,882
Goodbye.
406
00:18:06,203 --> 00:18:07,553
- Oh, oh, oh, no.
- Shit!
407
00:18:07,641 --> 00:18:08,991
Alright. Let's get the ****
out of here!
408
00:18:09,078 --> 00:18:11,193
- Hurry! Go, go!
- Rick, I think this was a powerful lesson
409
00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:12,667
in the dangers of AI,
which, by the way,
410
00:18:12,754 --> 00:18:13,662
means "love" in Chinese.
411
00:18:13,749 --> 00:18:14,902
Get the ****
out of here, Elon!
412
00:18:14,989 --> 00:18:15,930
The place is collapsing!
413
00:18:16,017 --> 00:18:17,886
Oh, **** Rick!
Rick, what time is it?
414
00:18:17,974 --> 00:18:19,279
It's almost 3:00.
Why? What's wrong?
415
00:18:19,366 --> 00:18:21,469
Oh, man, I-I'm sorry
I didn't tell you about this, Rick.
416
00:18:21,556 --> 00:18:23,232
I just...
well, you know that screenplay
417
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:24,392
that I've been writing?
418
00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:25,808
Netflix is pretty interested,
419
00:18:25,895 --> 00:18:28,041
and I've actually got a pitch
meeting there today at 3:30.
420
00:18:28,128 --> 00:18:29,612
Oh, buddy.
Oh, that's amazing.
421
00:18:29,700 --> 00:18:30,710
Yeah, well,
I know you're gonna say
422
00:18:30,797 --> 00:18:31,990
that they're interested
in anything,
423
00:18:32,077 --> 00:18:33,642
but, you know, it's a big deal
to me, and I've...
424
00:18:33,729 --> 00:18:35,634
No, no, no! Morty, Morty, Morty,
I'm so excited for you.
425
00:18:35,721 --> 00:18:36,819
Are you kidding me?
Listen,
426
00:18:36,906 --> 00:18:38,020
don't waste
any time explaining.
427
00:18:38,107 --> 00:18:39,617
Let's go.
We can put the Earth back later.
428
00:18:39,704 --> 00:18:40,697
- Alright?
- Are you sure?
429
00:18:40,791 --> 00:18:41,892
Priorities, Morty.
Let's get you
430
00:18:41,979 --> 00:18:43,819
to that Netflix meeting.
431
00:18:44,851 --> 00:18:46,371
Crazy day, huh?
432
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,707
Whole sky turned out to be
a big circuit board.
433
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,454
Yeah, that's actually
part of a-a-a...
434
00:18:50,542 --> 00:18:51,877
An adventure I was having.
435
00:18:51,965 --> 00:18:53,427
Very cool.
Traffic okay?
436
00:18:53,515 --> 00:18:55,304
- You have trouble getting here?
- No, it was alright.
437
00:18:55,391 --> 00:18:56,638
The planet's still contained
438
00:18:56,725 --> 00:18:59,106
in this sort of big
storage grid machine,
439
00:18:59,194 --> 00:19:01,910
so we were sort of already
pretty... pretty close by.
440
00:19:01,997 --> 00:19:04,001
Must be nice.
Try getting here from Malibu.
441
00:19:04,089 --> 00:19:04,947
So good! Alright.
442
00:19:05,035 --> 00:19:06,515
Well, l-let's hear about
this heist movie.
443
00:19:06,602 --> 00:19:07,903
Okay, so,
it's kind of all...
444
00:19:07,991 --> 00:19:10,852
All built around this big crew
with, like, a cool double-cross
445
00:19:10,940 --> 00:19:12,993
and then this big awesome twist
where there's, like,
446
00:19:13,081 --> 00:19:16,053
another double cross,
but then, um, but...
447
00:19:16,310 --> 00:19:18,254
But then we reveal those things
448
00:19:18,342 --> 00:19:20,662
were all part
of the hero's plan, y-you know?
449
00:19:20,750 --> 00:19:23,117
And there's this other crew
they put together,
450
00:19:23,205 --> 00:19:26,040
and their plan is to sort of
not have a plan,
451
00:19:26,128 --> 00:19:29,504
but... but that was part
of the other guy's plan, and...
452
00:19:30,533 --> 00:19:31,968
Kid, if you're slowing down
'cause you think
453
00:19:32,055 --> 00:19:33,691
you're doing bad right now,
Jesus Christ.
454
00:19:33,779 --> 00:19:34,947
- That's a really good pitch.
- Loving it.
455
00:19:35,034 --> 00:19:36,278
Man, you know, I...
456
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:39,809
I'm starting to think heists are
just really dumb now, you know?
457
00:19:40,035 --> 00:19:41,771
I can't put my finger on why,
458
00:19:41,866 --> 00:19:43,369
but I'd really like to go.
459
00:19:43,457 --> 00:19:44,553
Are you sure?
460
00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:46,483
Yeah, yeah, no,
I-I'm sure.
461
00:19:47,659 --> 00:19:52,410
Man, it's as if someone stole
his enthusiasm for his own idea.
462
00:19:52,529 --> 00:19:53,710
Yeah, without him
even knowing about it.
463
00:19:53,797 --> 00:19:55,312
Without him
even knowing about it.
464
00:19:58,187 --> 00:20:00,769
**** Morty's still working
on that stupid heist script.
465
00:20:00,857 --> 00:20:03,000
He's up in his room with
his **** thumb up his ass.
466
00:20:03,088 --> 00:20:04,503
Skipped out
on the last three adventures.
467
00:20:04,590 --> 00:20:05,640
I don't know.
Five of my friends
468
00:20:05,727 --> 00:20:07,092
- got Netflix deals.
- What?
469
00:20:07,180 --> 00:20:09,331
It's a very achievable goal.
You could lose him.
470
00:20:09,419 --> 00:20:10,445
I'm not gonna ****
lose him.
471
00:20:10,532 --> 00:20:11,315
**** that.
472
00:20:11,423 --> 00:20:12,871
I-I'm gonna nip this shit
in the bud.
473
00:20:12,959 --> 00:20:15,028
No. As a matter of fact, you're
not nipping anything in the bud.
474
00:20:15,115 --> 00:20:17,452
If Morty ever gives up
on a single dream,
475
00:20:17,690 --> 00:20:20,360
it had better be because
of his own disillusionment.
476
00:20:22,878 --> 00:20:24,126
Hey, buddy.
How'd it go?
477
00:20:24,213 --> 00:20:25,802
I-I don't want
to talk about it.
478
00:20:27,048 --> 00:20:29,020
Morty, you know, pal,
you, uh...
479
00:20:29,108 --> 00:20:31,199
You miss 100%
of the shots you don't take.
480
00:20:31,286 --> 00:20:32,421
Yeah, I guess.
481
00:20:32,509 --> 00:20:34,724
Thanks for staying positive
about my prospects, Rick.
482
00:20:34,812 --> 00:20:35,803
- Of course!
- You know, you...
483
00:20:35,891 --> 00:20:37,672
I got to help my grandson
follow his dreams.
484
00:20:37,759 --> 00:20:38,941
Eh, who needs dreams?
485
00:20:39,028 --> 00:20:40,606
I'll just hang out with you
and go on adventures
486
00:20:40,694 --> 00:20:42,477
and do whatever you want to do,
you know, forever.
487
00:20:42,564 --> 00:20:44,075
Oh, well, uh, okay.
488
00:20:44,218 --> 00:20:46,523
I mean,
if that's what you want.
489
00:20:47,532 --> 00:20:54,354
Sync corrections by srjanapala
490
00:21:21,484 --> 00:21:24,811
Oooo weee! Big storm coming.
491
00:21:25,304 --> 00:21:27,568
- Could be a twister.
- Mm-hmm!
492
00:21:30,501 --> 00:21:31,572
Hey, Rick?
493
00:21:31,660 --> 00:21:33,016
Can you walk me
through something?
494
00:21:33,104 --> 00:21:34,270
Yeah.
What are you thinking?
495
00:21:34,358 --> 00:21:37,131
So, you and Morty
knew you needed my help,
496
00:21:37,218 --> 00:21:40,130
but you weren't sure
I was good enough at karate,
497
00:21:40,218 --> 00:21:43,277
so you hired my grad students
to attack me?
498
00:21:43,515 --> 00:21:44,946
Yep.
499
00:21:45,081 --> 00:21:47,231
But it was an emergency,
Rick.
500
00:21:47,319 --> 00:21:49,018
How long did that take?
501
00:21:49,127 --> 00:21:51,982
It actually took less training
than you'd think.
502
00:21:53,153 --> 00:21:54,401
Your students all shared
503
00:21:54,489 --> 00:21:56,537
a pretty keen aptitude
for martial arts.
504
00:21:56,625 --> 00:21:57,982
I don't know
if that's by coincidence
505
00:21:58,069 --> 00:22:00,688
or if there's some correlation
with their passion
506
00:22:00,776 --> 00:22:02,850
for African-American
Women's Studies.
507
00:22:02,997 --> 00:22:07,182
Maya Angelou did personify both
acquiescence and perseverance.
508
00:22:08,045 --> 00:22:11,024
Ooo wee. That's exactly
the kind of connection
509
00:22:11,112 --> 00:22:13,773
I'd have loved
to explore in my class.
510
00:22:14,776 --> 00:22:16,355
Too bad I lost my job
511
00:22:16,443 --> 00:22:19,025
for putting my students
in the hospital.
512
00:22:19,434 --> 00:22:21,416
Yeah. Yeah.
513
00:22:21,606 --> 00:22:23,172
Sorry about that.
514
00:22:25,473 --> 00:22:27,308
Mm-hmm.
515
00:22:30,531 --> 00:22:31,934
Did you get any of that?
38384
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.