Original subtitles

Previously on Garçons de Chambre.

Jean-­Baptiste d’Arpajon, my brother, student in gynecology, thinks he knows everything about women.

I’m sorry

Sure, he loves them and knows a bunch about their anatomy.

A vaginal swab is an operation that consists in spreading on a glass slide a cellular sample… of the pussy

But women are more complicated than that.

I am the one who masters the meaning of every little move they make.

I quickly examine their reaction.

I am escort boy

I am the man that they want.

My therapy is done. Thank you for everything Leopold.

I adapt.

I have to disappear

Will my twin be able to do as much?

Be at the Galantin in one hour. A client will be waiting for you. Table one hundred and one.

EPISODE 3: The Defended Fruit

And your room is good?

Yes, no mistakes in the reservation.

And your secretary?

No Jess, Danielle is not in Nice.

You OK?

Yes, you?

Yeah, what are you doing?

Nothing.

I’m in front of the TV.

Ok, good night.

Mm good evening.

Good evening Giovanni.

Christian! Are you well?

Very well. Buy you a drink?

With pleasure yes.

Garçon, the same thing.

Of course, sir.

Please excuse me for a second, I’ll be right back.

Please excuse me sir, I’ll be right back.

You are on Leo’s answering machine. I am not available for the moment. Please leave a message.

Madam, would you like to order?

No. For the champagne. Keep the change.

Hey! What the fuck are you doing here as a waiter?

What the hell are you doing without your work clothes?

So the old man’s your client huh?

He’s not an old man OK?

Oh no, what is he then?

A friend. A politician.

That’s all you, having high-­placed friends to line your pockets.

You and Leo really fucking laughed in our faces.

I understand better why night work bears so much fruit.

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Yeah. I found Leo’s website, dumbass.

Hey Gandalf guess what?

What?

The gigolo stood up the goose that lays golden eggs .

No, it really is the crisis.

Hey. Thank you Leopold.

It’s a shame…

What?

That everything isn’t proportionate with you.

So actually everybody know here. If I understood correctly, everyone does their business here.

Fuck. Is JB here?

What?

Yeah, he has to meet a client of Leo’s… The one everybody’s talking about… the… the goose that lays golden eggs.

No.

Well yes.

Sorry for the wait Madam Coste. Here, we offer you our very best table.

But I’m not used to sitting here. I prefer the view from…

The change is for now. Good evening Ms. Coste.

Thank you garcon.

Leopold, the goose is waiting for you.

Good evening.

Sorry I’m late.

Um.. tell me, I was wondering: Do I usually speak formally with you?

I’m sorry, I’m.. I am a little sick and I took these pills that are knocking me out.

Actually they gave me amnesia. But short term.

Well OK. I’m sorry, I must seem like a clown. I don’t know what I’m saying, what I’m doing or why I’m here.

Actually, I’m not the guy you’re used... Blablabla...

Actually, I’m not the guy you’re used to seeing. I’m not Leopold. You understand?

No, I don’t understand anything.

I said something funny?

I’m sorry. You show up like this… You are… very funny yes!

And very charming…

So, who are you? We are in an action movie and you are Tom Cruise?

I have no pretention to be… You think I look like Tom Cruise?

No.

But you actually have more of an Aladdin side.

Actually did you know they were inspired by him to draw the character?

I’m a big Disney fan, I go at least once a year. So, I am very flattered to look like Aladdin. Even if he is better looking.

Otherwise, I know a very good surgeon.

Oh shit. Are you kidding me?

No. He completely transformed a friend of my son’s into princess Fiona.

Oh really?

Yeah?

Ok.

Oh I’m sorry.

Why are we supposed to eat dinner together? What brings you here?

I was waiting for you.

Madam. Mister Leopold d’Arpajon. The wine list.

Your brother is a gigolo and she’s your client.

The menu.

We call her the goose that lays golden eggs.

Have you chosen?

May I see the list?

No!

Actually, I would recommend you change restaurant. We just found a huge rat. In the kitchen.

Oh my God!

With a huge tail.

No! We are staying here. You may leave.

With a mean tail.

You may leave.

A rat though…

It’s awful.

I apologize. I didn’t want to embarrass you.

You just won’t stop apologizing.

I’m sorry, I just thought that..

Stop, damn it!

I don’t please you?

Look at me. We don’t play in the same league young man.

That’s not the point…

Are you not my client?

You’re an escort?

Um… Yes, no.

Why do you seem surprised? What do you expect from a young guy?

Idiot.

What’s wrong?

You look almost disappointed?

She’s gone.

It might be better that way no?

Why better that way? Why can’t I, Jean­‐Baptiste, be Leopold?

Technically, you’re not Leopold.

That’s the problem.

You have nothing to envy from him. We just learned he’s a whore and…

Sorry, you’re another case.

Well yeah, you’re gay, it’s almost… normal.

I don’t see the link?

Yeah, you understood me…

No.

It’s nothing mean. It’s just that gays are no limit. It surprises me less, I mean.

Wait, remind me one thing: How long have we lived together?

No because it’s not like you didn’t know what a gay man is.

And I’ll remind you that we…

Together…

Thank you by the way, all of Paris knows now.

Raf, you know gay’s not a personality, it’s a sexuality.

I’m sorry, I expressed myself badly.

Where is he?

Madam I’m sorry. Sorry. Sorry and sorry.

I was clumsy I know.

But you are ravishing and very nice. I wanted you to know that.

Well… There it is. I’m sorry again.

Get home safe. Good night.

Why did you offer me an indecent service?

I never did that…

I’m not Leopold.

I suck at relationships. My brother on the other hand… he’s the, the sulfurous Leopold.

The one everyone admires.

I just wanted to know if I could be him,

if a woman like you, of your stature, as beautiful and intelligent could be interested in a guy like me.

So why not ask me the question directly then?

I found it simpler. I didn’t think.

I didn’t know what I was doing.

How much are you for one night?

Don’t think and don’t apologize.

Where are you going?

To the ATM.

Being different is not a choice.

Becoming another person is a response to existential questions.

It’s sometimes a vice.

A fault that transforms itself little by little into a fantasy.

A fantasy is not a personality,

He did it. He took a room with her.

What are you doing?

I’m deleting Leo’s website.

Do you have news from him?

Daddy’s hungry.

Raf…

Go eat, I’m still digesting.

Delete the web site. Yes or no?

The excitation is at its apogee when we brave the forbidden.

But can our dark desires bring us to fruition?

Are we scandalous boys?

Fuck you, I’m human.