All language subtitles for Hercules - 02x21 - The Wedding of Alcmene

You'd have been a lot better
off going straight to Corinth.

What? Oh, there's no need
to worry, young man.

You can let me off
anywhere that suits you.

- Sure I can't change your mind?
- Please, I'll be fine.

- I wouldn't be so sure.
- Don't worry.

Hercules is here.

You have that on
good authority, do you?

I certainly do. I'm his mother.

Thank you.

Aah, what do we have, here?
Let's find out.

I...

I wonder.

Hercules?

- Mother?
- Alcmene?

- Does this happen often?
- Well...

- sometimes, it, uh, can't be avoided.
- Yeah, it keeps us young!

Aah, speak for yourself.
I, uh, hope you didn't come

all this way just because
you're worried about me.

Ah, no, no, there's something
I have to tell you.

Well!
This really isn't the time!

I'm sorry, Hercules,
but it can't wait.

- I'm getting married.
- What?

- You're getting married?
- Yes.

Stay here. I'll be right back.

- Let's get this over with.
- Yeah.

Mother, I'm a little confused, here.

It's just--

Here, thank you for...
for risking your lives for me.

Ah, no, no, no,
here keep your money

and use it to get your
business going again.

You raised a very
good boy, my dear,

very noble and his friend, too.

- Where are you going?
- You know, you two have to talk.

- Please...
- Come on, it's a mother-son--

- Get over here.
- OK.

So, uh,
who's the lucky guy, Alcmene?

- Yeah, who is he?
- Jason.

- Jason who?
- Jason.

Jason?

This is the story of a time long ago.

A time of myth and legend,

when the ancient gods
were petty and cruel,

and they plagued mankind with suffering.

Only one man dared
to challenge their power-Hercules.

Hercules possessed a strength
the world had never seen,

a strength surpassed only
by the power of his heart.

He journeyed the earth, battling the
minions of wicked stepmother, Hera,

the all-powerful queen of the gods.

But wherever there was evil,
wherever an innocent would suffer,

there would be Hercules.

I came looking for Hercules.

It wasn't anything more
complicated than that.

As soon as we saw each other

the fire between us
was burning again.

What fire? I mean, you never
mentioned Jason, before.

- He never mentioned you.
- The timing was always wrong, Hercules.

What timing, Mother?

I mean, if you're seeing him
you're seeing him.

- Am I right, Iolaus?
- I guess it's gonna be

'Queen Alcmene'
from now on, huh?

Royalty doesn't interest me.

Living out my life
with a good man does.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hercules, I do understand
why you're upset.

I should have told you
about Jason long ago.

- How long have you been seeing him?
- Uh, since...

Jason brought the news
that Amphitryon was dead.

- That long?
- No woman had a better husband

and I was faithful to him
all the years he was off to war.

But later, uh,
I needed someone to hold me.

- Does Iphicles know?
- Uh, no.

- He's been really busy, and I--
- Mother, how could you--

I guess it's time we,
uh, gotcha to Corinth,

- so you can be with Jason, huh?
- Yeah.

Please, your Highness,
tell us more about Alcmene

so my fellow regents
and I will be better able

to conduct a royal wedding.

Well, I'm surprised your spies
haven't found out, already.

Alcmene is a widow.
She has two sons

- Hercules and Iphicles.
- Hercules?

So, she's the one who
had the fling with Zeus.

Oh, not fair I apologize.
I do apologize.

But one thing does
trouble me deeply.

You haven't mentioned the
source of her royal blood.

She has none.

- She has none.
- A commoner?

There's nothing common about
the woman who owns my heart.

Truly a noble sentiment.

Bad news, I'm afraid,
your Highness.

If you marry this forgive
my using the word again

this commoner you
cannot reign as king.

- It's the law of the land.
- Let me see that.

Sad to say, you cannot have
your wedding ceremony

in the castle, either. Such a pity.

You didn't read far
enough, Patronius.

Oh yes, you're right
about me losing my crown

and the right to marry here
but if I marry Alcmene

before the next full moon,
I don't have to worry about

you seizing power and running
Corinth into the ground.

- I can name my successor.
- Three days isn't very long.

Then the race is on.

Oh, look, there's Jason.

Look at him go!

- Don't I know you from someplace?
- You better!

Well, looks like love
agrees with you, Jason.

I just wish it hadn't taken
me so long to realize it.

Iolaus!

I guess Hercules hasn't decided
if he wants to shake my hand.

- Uh, that much I can do.
- We need to talk.

Yes, we do.

Walk on ahead with Alcmene,
would you, Iolaus?

- Sure.
- What's bothering you?

Jason, I mean, she's my mother.

I mean, you never breathed a
word I mean, the two of you--

Oh, come on, Hercules, don't
you know, a gentleman never tells?

It is not that simple.
You are supposed to be my friend.

Well, exactly how should I have
brought up the subject to you?

Well, that's something you
should have figured out.

Why don't we talk
about this a later,

when you're feeling
a little less petulant.

'Petulant'?

He's acting like
he's my father, already.

Such glittering foolishness.

Who are you?
How did you get in here?

I go, where Hera commands.

Hera sent you.

Here an offering to the
greatest goddess of them all.

Trinkets hold no more worth to
Hera than a leaf in the wind.

Ah, but Jason and Alcmene's
wedding that's something else

provided it leads to
the death of Hercules.

The legends say
he's impossible to kill.

Fool! How dare you
underestimate Hera's power?

It was she who brought
me back from the dead.

- You were dead?
- Beheaded by Hercules himself.

Left to waste away in
a pool of my own juices.

- Then I must serve you.
- Of course you must.

Ah, they're all so lovely.

How is anyone ever
supposed to choose?

Ah, well, I haven't
the slightest idea,

but I just got it into head
to make my own dress.

- Special occasion?
- Yes, I'm getting married.

It's you who's marrying
King Jason, isn't it?

Well, Alcmene, mother of Hercules.
It is an honor.

Oh, well, you're...
you're very kind.

- I'm Sera.
- Well, Sera, people get married every day.

Oh, not to royalty.
Um, excuse me,

but everybody I talk to says,
uh, your wedding can't be

held in the castle because
of some legal rubbish.

Don't worry about the
wedding, my dear.

- We'll find a place for it.
- Oh, but I've got one for you.

I mean, if you like the
gardens on the estate

of my Uncle Procas,
they're beautiful.

You and the king have
to see it for yourselves.

- I'll mention it to Jason.
- Great.

I think the ivory would look best.

- Herc, you gotta get over this.
- It's easy for you to say.

It wasn't your mother and
your hero who had an affair.

Uh, so what if they had an affair?

They weren't betraying anybody
and they certainly didn't plan it.

They could have told me.
That's all I'm saying.

Oh, like you told them
all your secrets, right?

- Yeah, right.
- Gotcha!

OK, OK. I know.
You know, maybe I'm asking

more of Jason and my
mother than I do of myself.

It's only because they
both mean so much to me.

Aw, Hercules, I think--

- Uh, does this surprise us?
- Not really.

Hey!

You can't talk about
Jason like that!

And the most vicious
of the brigands

was dispatched by
the noble Archivus.

He's at it again.

- Archivus!
- Hercules!

- Phoebe!
- Iolaus!

Ah, so you mind telling us
what that was all about?

Well, it's us, it's uh, Jason again.

He's, uh, well, only this
time he's not drinking.

- Yeah, he's getting married!
- Oh, we know to, uh, Hercules' mother.

- That's why we're here.
- Obviously, she's quite a woman.

See, this rabble that
I have just vanquished--

- Hey!
- Hey, hey, hey,

says Jason is giving
up his crown for her.

Yes, it's true. I only wish

I'd found a more graceful
way to tell you before this.

Jason, Mother, I believe
I owe you both an apology.

I just hope you can forgive
me for being petulant.

- Of course we can.
- Of course.

But there is something
else, Hercules.

I want you to take my place
as the king of Corinth.

- I don't know what to say.
- You can say whatever you like.

You know you'll have our support.

Just do what your
heart tells you, Hercules.

Hercules, you're not
making this decision for me.

- You're making it for yourself.
- Yeah.

Um, Jason, I am honored.
But I can help more people,

doing what I do now,
than I ever could as a king.

So I guess that means no.
I'm sorry.

Oh, why be sorry? You're right.

Yeah. But you still have
to find a successor.

Oh, I think I'm
capable of doing that

and getting married
at the same time.

Oh, better get those invitations
out, Iolaus, before it's too late.

Through rain, sleet,
or snow, I'm your man.

Every one of them has tasted blood.

Jermiad here actually stabbed
a man, just to watch him die.

And all they care
about is killing Hercules.

No meaner mercenaries exist
unless Hera herself created them.

They'll do.

You make them
sound like table scraps.

Let them accomplish their
mission if they wish to earn praise.

They'll succeed. And when
Jason finds no successor nothing

will stop them marching north
with me to conquer Phlegra.

Where Iphicles,
brother of Hercules, rules?

Your ambition is
admirable, Patronius.

Don't let it interfere
with killing Hercules.

There's someone very
special you have to find.

I think you should go find--

He's gonna be king?

- Who?
- Who? - Who?

Oh, no, it wouldn't be fair if
you knew before the man himself.

Now, go! All of you.
Bring back old friends

who can share the joy
with Alcmene and me.

I just hope my next choice
doesn't turn me down.

- Taco, my friend?
- Falafel?

- No, I said, 'Taco'!
- Uh, no thanks. I'm in a hurry.

Iolaus?

Dirce?

Ha-ha, a little difficult to eat,
but, uh, very tasty, right?

Oh, they're very good!

Wait a second.
You're eating this?

- Don't.
- You see?

You take a small tortilla
you fold it like so you put in

some ground rabbit,
he-he-he-he-he, a little lettuce

some hot sauce and
presto a meal in a minute.

I haven't got time for this.

That's the beauty of these
babies, they're so fast!

Dirce, King Jason is marrying
Alcmene, Hercules' mother.

The wedding is in
Corinth tomorrow.

- Would ya like to go?
- Like a date?

Yeah.

Wedding? I cater weddings.
Best buffet dinner you ever ate.

Cake 8 feet tall minimum.
Ambrosia...

- Oh, you mean the food of the gods?
- No, a salad with many marshmallows.

Dirce, we have to pick up someone
on the way a very important guest.

Can you run? Come on!

Hey, and take it easy
on those marshmallows!

What's he got against marshmallows?

- Oh, Sera, it's lovely.
- Well, I'm happy you like it.

I do.

My uncle had the garden built
on the cliff overlooking the sea.

- I can see the island.
- Yes, it's even prettier at night.

I was just thinking maybe we can
have the ceremony right here,

- at the bottom of the stairs.
- This is so pretty!

It looks like something
the gods always promise,

but never deliver.

I hope that means you'll
use it for your wedding.

Oh, I don't see how we couldn't.
Do you, Jason?

Well, you're not giving me
much chance to turn it down.

Oh, Hercules, beat some
sense into him, will you?

Hercules?
You mean, he's Hercules?

Oh, my god. I can't believe it.
Hercules.

- See, he's...
- He's my son.

He's the son of a god.
Did ya know that?

He's standing right here
on my uncle's properties.

He's just a little bigger
than I thought, but he's--

- Sera. Sera?
- Yes.

We'd like to take you up
on your very kind offer.

That is such good news.
I'm very, very excited.

Everything'll be just right for
the ceremony. I promise you.

Uh, you know, Sera,
I'm not doing anything.

- I could give you a hand.
- Oh, don't be silly!

Just relax and enjoy yourself.

What?

Mom, I mean, it's--

She's a lovely young
woman, Hercules.

Yes, she is.

And it would be so nice to have
you living close by for a change.

Are you saying what I
think you're saying?

I'm your mother.
I can't help myself.

Uh, I don't believe it.

You've got me marrying
Sera and we just met.

Well, the two of you look
so wonderful together.

Don't they, Jason.

Trouble.

Ah, behind you.

Thanks.

I owe you one.

Consider it my first wedding
gift to you and Mother.

Where is she?

I thought she was right behind us.

Mother!

Mother!

Mother!

- Oh, if something happened to her--
- We'll find her, Jason.

Take that! Coward!

Oh, god! No!

Uh, Mother, what are you doing?

I haven't had this
much fun in years!

I was so worried about you!

Now you know how I felt when
I was watching the two of you.

So I've gotta get back to Corinth.

I've gotta finish
sewing my wedding dress.

Now I know who have
you your fighting heart.

Here he is.

- Glad to see us?
- I, well, yeah, of course.

I just didn't think you'd
be here this early.

We always move fast when
there's a royal wedding to attend.

- It's the least we can do for Dad.
- Yeah, well, how is King Thespius?

Still learning for
more grandchildren.

- Interested in helping out, yet?
- This really isn't the time.

- That's not a 'No,' girls.
- Uh, you know?

Salmoneus has been invited.

I understand you're
all pretty friendly with him.

Yeah, but he drools too much.

My sisters and I prefer
someone, friendlier, tidier.

Oh, Hercules, there's a very
strange man in the kitchen.

- Excuse me.
- We're coming, too!

Don't let him out of your sight.

- Oh, my friend!
- Yeah, he's all right.

What a feast I am making!

As long as there's
no falafels or hot dogs.

But tacos, yes!

- And ambrosia.
- Food of the gods?

- Yes, but, with marshmallows.
- Marshmallows.

- You know him.
- Yeah.

- And...
- It's a long story.

We're the daughters
of King Thespius.

I'm so glad we finally
get to meet you,

because we're dying to
ask you about your son.

He's so shy around us, and
we just can't understand why.

Is there anything you can suggest
to bring him out of his shell?

- Hey, Hercules!
- Deric!

I'm glad you could make it.

Well, did you bring
Lyla and Kefor with you?

No, no. They're back home,
waiting for my cousin, Phantes.

He promised he'd visit, and--

Hercules, I heard there was
an ambush. Is that true?

I'm a fraid so, but Jason
doesn't seem to think

- there'll be any more trouble.
- I hope it won't spoil the wedding.

Oh, no. Don't worry. The
wedding will go on as planned.

- That's a relief.
- Excuse me, but have we met?

My name's Deric.
I'm an old friend of Hercules'.

Well, maybe you're mistaken,
but, um, glad to meet you.

- This is Sera.
- Hope to see ya at the wedding, Deric.

I better get back out there.
I want everything to be perfect.

All right, see ya later.

- Sera.
- 'Have we met?'

What will Lyla think
if she heard that?

Uh, no, no, I didn't mean
it to sound like a pick-up

line in a tavern.
It's just that I...

ahh, I guess my memory's
playing tricks on me.

Well, I suppose the man
who sent it meant well.

Hmm, just the same,
I wouldn't wanna know

what he does in his spare time.

Uh, lemme guess Salmoneus
sent you a wedding present.

Oh, is that how you
pronounce his name?

I thought it was, 'Salmonella'.

Uh, elegant subdued, yet practical.
This would be him in a nutshell.

Yeah, his taste certainly
is different, isn't it?

- Wait till ya meet him.
- Oh, I don't believe we're going to.

His delivery girl said he was
at Athens, closing a major deal.

Delivery girls. Major deal?

Uh, Salmoneus,
what are you up to, now?

A beautiful location,
all right, for a funeral.

Well, I still don't understand how
you're gonna make it happen.

I mean, we have no weapons,
no warriors, no--

- We have Hera and Hera will provide.
- But how? And who?

Is that good enough for you?

- Hey, uh, run, before it kills us all!
- Stop!

You're not going anywhere.

All we have to do is
wait until tomorrow

and then we get to see
the wedding of Alcmene

turn into the death of Hercules.

Thank you.

Taco? Taco.

- H'ors d'oeuvres, my friend.
- You've got to be kidding me.

- Hi, Deric.
- Hey, Hercules.

That's great.
What a great idea you had--

Uh, ladies. No, look, look.

Please, uh, don't you
anything, better to do?

Hercules, Echidna can't come.
She's pregnant.

- Again?
- It's scary.

She's the mother of all monsters.
I'm gonna write about it.

Oh, good. Well?

Yeah, they're,
uh, they're coming.

They're coming. Hi, ladies!
How are ya?

See ya.

- Hercules!
- Mica! Heliotrope!

- Surprised to see us?
- Uh, you could say that, yes.

Well, Falafel's agreed to
teach us catering.

Falafel, that's--

Yeah, after we taught
him 'Salmoneus shake'.

Well, that's very,
very nice, ladies,

but, if you can excuse me,
I'm lookin' for someone.

Who isn't? Hi!

Hercules, don't look so
concerned. Everything is ready.

I know, I know. I'm just
looking for a friend of mine.

He's supposed to be
performing the ceremony.

Amphion, he's right over there.

- Amphion!
- Hercules.

Iolaus, have you seen Iolaus?

I'm really curious who this
new king is supposed to be.

Relax.
Just let yourself be surprised.

- I know. It's just--
- Everything will work out just fine.

There's no need to worry.
You know? Why don't you just--

Come on, everybody.
I'll lead ya to the wedding site.

- Come on.
- Oh, yeah.

Until Perfidia attacks Hercules,
you are servants nothing else.

Then everybody save the son of
Alcmene is yours for the killing.

Marvelous, simply marvelous.

Hera wouldn't stand
for anything less.

Right over here.

- Have, uh, any of you seen Iolaus?
- Uh, not since we left sorry.

- Hercules, it's time.
- Thank you, Amphion.

I know many of you have wondered
who will succeed me as king.

To tell you the truth,
I've wondered, myself.

But now, at last, there is an
answer to our questions.

- Who is he?
- He's my brother Iphicles.

- Surprised, Hercules?
- Not at all. Jason made a wise choice.

- Good to see you.
- Hmm, you, too.

- This is incredible!
- This is great, but you could have told me.

Hey, what fun would
that have been?

No matter what
misunderstandings we've had,

I've always been proud
to call you my son.

To think you'll succeed Jason as
well pleases me beyond words.

Thank you.

Step forward, Iphicles.

May you rule with
all the wisdom

and humanity passed on
to you by your mother.

I give you King Iphicles of Corinth!

The slaughter at Biblos!

I knew I'd seen her before.

Hercules...
The girl, she's a spy for Hera.

- Sera?
- Jason, Alcmene...

We've come to the moment
that brought us here, today--

Duck! Go!

Jason! Your sword!

Oh, my! The cake!

I want to savor this.

No! Jason!

- Hercules!
- Jason!

No, Hercules!

- Uh, this isn't good.
- What are we gonna do?

- We'll never get out!
- You know, uh?

I've been inside one
of these, before!

Yeah?
Well, this is my first time.

Except this one's a lot bigger!

Treacherous little witch!

I wish that would bring
back Hercules and Jason.

Think positive, Mother.

What has this
thing been eating?

Tacos.

You think it's bad in here?

- What is that thing?
- Does it matter?!

Well, maybe I could
go back this way.

- We could meet up in the lungs.
- No! No!

- Meet me over here!
- How?

I think I've got a plan.

Come on, friend.
You wanna leg, huh?

You wanna leg? You wanna leg?

All right! Now, grab it!

- Now what?
- Swing across!

- Are you crazy?
- No! Swing across!

Come on!

Come on!

Get me outta here!

This is the right way.

- Jason?
- Yeah?

You sure know how
to throw a wedding!

That's what I was looking
for the spinal column.

Hey!

- Got any ideas?
- Short-circuit it's nervous system.

This really isn't what
my stomach needed.

Well, we won't be staying long.

Watch out!

We must have hit a nerve.

I am not enjoying this!

- Who's going to save you, now?
- Aren't you supposed to be dead?

- Hercules chopped your head off!
- Hera didn't approve.

- Save me!
- Save yourself!

I never thought that wedding gift
would be good for anything.

You can always count on Salmoneus!

Hera, protect me.

Oh, I hope he stays dead this time.

Let's worry about
Hercules and Jason instead.

I don't think he likes
that very much!

I'm not too crazy about it, myself!

It worked.

Well, yeah, you sound
like you're surprised.

Nope. Nope. Nope.

Going up fast.

This way.

Now, what?

Well, I, uh, wanna make sure

my mother didn't
marry somebody else.

Their devotion to each
other has joined two families

and created a bond which is sure
to glow brightly into the future.

Jason, Alcmene, I now pronounce
you husband and wife.

Jason, you may kiss the bride.

Hercules! This is sensational!

I didn't miss anything, did I?

What? What?

Was it my gift?