All language subtitles for Girls S05E10.en

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♪ I'm on a mission to
search and destroy ♪

♪ Don't get it twisted, I'm
ready to make some noise ♪

♪ Thought you could play
me just like a Nintendo ♪

♪ But don't you know that I'm loco ♪

♪ I came to win, win, win,
better show me what you got ♪

♪ I came to bring the fire
'cause you know I like it hot ♪

♪ Gonna win, win, win, 'cause
I'm full of tiger blood ♪

♪ I'm vicious like a viper
and I'm ready to turn it on ♪

♪ Work hard and so we play hard... ♪

- Hannah.
- Hannah, I saw you see us.

I just started my run, okay?

That's not true. You were
returning here to your home.

What I do is I run up and
down the block multiple times

till I feel like I'm gonna barf.

I measured it out.
It's basically a mile.

What are you doing here?

Hannah, you haven't returned
any of our phone calls. Not one.

Honey, I called you
23 times the other day.

Yeah, does that not
strike you as a bit psycho?

We just want to spend some
time with you, honey, okay?

As a normal family unit.

Well, I would say "normal family unit"

kind of went out the window
when one of you became gay

and the other started
dressing like Pat Benatar.

Please be open to us, Hannah.

Be open to the time we
want to spend with you.

I have to finish my run.

Bullshit.

No, Mom, you don't know.
I've been running a lot.

I'm not sure if you've
heard of "endor-phins,"

but they've been really helping me.

Helping me to deal with you.

Endorphins.

Comes on the...

Sync & corrections by PetaG
www.addic7ed.com

I'm sorry I didn't
come. I was really close.

The good news is I can only
come when I kind of hate someone.

I'm working on that
with my online therapist.

Well, I won't stop trying.

Ray, you have to support
me professionally, okay?

I mean, as much as it might
cause damage to us romantically,

Desi and I are opening for
the Lumineers in Boston.

That's great. That sounds amazing.

I mean, I thought Lumineers
were teeth caps, but

clearly, based on your enthusiasm,

they must nurture some
important significance

in the alternative rock universe.

Except fucking Tandace is
coming on every stop of the tour.

And I'm telling you,
she is deeply crazy.

No one is that calm.

Right, she is calm.

Come with me.

- On tour?
- Yes, totally.

I mean, I will require a
lot of emotional support

and some minor logistical support.

You know, simple stuff, like
making sure I have coconut water

and Smartwater and sort my vitamins

and figure out how much
zinc to take, all that stuff.

But I know you don't
want to be without me.

I know that.

- Um...
- Come on, please?

- Please?
- You're so cute when you beg.

- Please?
- I'm a human.

I'm just a mortal man.

Yeah, I'd love to
come. That sounds great.

- Yeah?
- Yeah, why not?

- What about work?
- What about work? It'll be fine.

Kippy can run the community
board meetings for a little while

and Shosh has the
coffee shop on lockdown.

- Are you still peeing?
- Huh? Yeah.

I mean, I just want to make
sure I get every last drop out.

You are not giving me
a UTI before a tour.

_

_

_

_

_

Amazing work, Megan.

Keep it moving, but also, like,
keep it connected. Just like...

Hermie, Hermie, hi. Just a minute.

Okay, I have some news
that is going to rock

your Mephistos right off your socks.

"The New York Times"
Thursday style section

wants to come here and do
a piece on us next week.

They love the hipster-hate angle.

- They want to do a whole profile on our
- Uh...

transformation, so I
bought a few shirts and I

put them in your office and
I hung them in like descending

- order of preference. Now,
- Shoshanna. Shoshanna.

- the turquoise is my... Yes?
- Shoshanna!

- I know I told you to lean in.
- Yeah.

But you've gone too far.

Now I want you to lean out.

Oh, my God, are you firing me?

No, no.

We've made more money this
week than the past five months.

It's just you're a very intense person.

You've got a powerful
energy and it's too much.

I need you to take it down a notch.

I... oh, no.

Hi, sir. Bye, sir.

Your kind are not welcome here.

Read the sign. Out.

Hermie, Hermie, we cannot
actually turn people away.

That's discrimination. We
just have to, like, you know,

glare at them and make
them super uncomfortable

and bully them until they
leave of their own volition.

Listen to me, muffin.

From now on, anybody who
walks through that door

with a bun on top of their head

or tattoos that were not acquired during
a naval adventure on the South Pacific,

we treat 'em like a hippie
at Disneyland in '68.

This is a haven for normal people...

working men and ladies.

Free refills, everybody. This week only.

We're taking back the night.

You're either with me
or you're against me.

I am so with you, Hermie.

Please save me all of those magical
quotes for "The New York Times."

All right, Sample, let's eat.

Okay, oi.

Spoon is an airplane.

And it's crashing into your face.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa. That's way too much for one bite.

- What do you mean?
- That's too much food. She could choke.

But she's not choking.

She's just spitting it
out like a normal person.

- So, what, now you're just gonna do it?
- Here.

Can I at least get some
fucking credit here?

- Look what I got.
- You told me I sucked with the baby

and now I'm trying to
be better with the baby

and you're still telling
me I'm fucking up the baby.

I watched two YouTube
videos about babies, Adam.

That's a good girl.

If you want someone who's so good
with babies, why don't you call Hannah?

She loves babies. She's always
trying to accidentally French them.

Why the fuck would you
mention Hannah right now?

I'm sorry, I can't mention her?

- Can't even have thoughts about her?
- Um, no, you can think it all you want,

but don't feel the need
to share it with me.

It's okay.

I'm thinking about her right now.

Banana, you don't seem like
you're having fun with us.

I'm not. You guys are depressing.

- No, we're not.
- Yeah, no, we're a little depressing.

Honey, is it because we're
trying to make it work?

Yes.

Hannah, stop judging.

You know what? I don't
like being judged either.

That's why I had to end
my relationship with Fran,

so I will stop judging you.

If you get better haircuts.

- If you want us to, we'll get haircuts.
- We will.

Thank you. Now, I need
everyone to stop talking to me

'cause I'm trying to get in
the zone for The Moth tonight.

Well, that's fun. What's that?

Oh, it's like an open-mic
storytelling contest

that can lead to NPR opportunities

and be kind of a doorway to Ira Glass.

So, you're writing again?

I don't know, but I
have something to say.

What are you wearing?

I would say just, like, this

with, like, a blazer and,
like, a belt with trinkets.

- No.
- No.

What if I add, like, a chunky heel?

- No. No.
- No. No.

Let's go shoppin'.

- Oh, my God. This stuff is so cute.
- Mm-hmm.

Mom, I would wear this on
a date with Mark Ruffalo.

I would wear this to
lunch with Graydon Carter.

Yeah, it's very good for our body type.

We don't have the same body type.

Hey, which of your friends
are coming tonight?

Oh, I don't know. Not Jessa.

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
That is such fucking bullshit.

I just spend all my
time trying not to sink

to their level, which is really hard.

When I saw them last, I said,
"Good day, sirs and misses,"

like I was a fucking Newsy.

Good for you.

I had a friend who
stole my boyfriend once.

Dale. He was such a hunk.
Captain of the debate team.

And then Cadence, this math major bitch,

she started sleeping with him when I
went home for Great-Aunt Bibs' funeral.

Can you imagine? I'm already
mourning Bibs and then this.

- But you know what?
- What?

Two years later, she steps in front of
a car, freak accident, and she's dead.

Now, I'm not saying that's
gonna happen to Jessa,

but I'm also saying I hope
it does, for your sake.

It freed me from so much anger, anger
that probably would've killed me.

And then Dale wanted you again?

I didn't even think of that. I
was just so happy Cadence was dead.

Hannah, open up the door, okay?

Hannah, I'm not fucking around.

I need to get in there
and wash my lower half,

by which I mean my dick and my balls

- and my a... hey!
- Hey!

- Come on in. Hi.
- Hi!

- My, what a nice surprise.
- Come on in.

I thought I was gonna
have another morning alone,

ever since your dumb
daughter started running.

- Yes.
- Yep, okay.

- You all right, Elijah?
- Uh-huh.

You sleep at all, Elijah?

Yeah, yeah, no, I slept...

yeah, I slept Wednesday.

Well, it's Saturday...

- now. It sure is Saturday.
- Oh, well...

- Tad, Calendar Man.
- Yeah.

I don't know, yeah. I've just
been having a good time, you know?

Just letting the chips fall
where they may, you know?

Just having a good old
time. What about you?

You here for another gay-for-all?

No, I'm here with my wife.

Oh, Tad.

That is the saddest
thing I have ever heard.

Doing my best.

Really?

Well, maybe your best isn't good enough.

- Yeah.
- You know?

Maybe your fuckin' best
isn't good enough, Tad.

Yeah.

I need your bosom.

Okay.

Oh, Tad, what does it matter, anyway?

You know, just a bunch of
fuckin' assholes out there

just getting whatever they want
while the rest of us just rot.

Look at me, I'm just trying to
live my life, be a good person,

and the rich keep getting richer

while I turn to dust on
Bleecker Street, you know?

Fuckin' Tad, you know,
I just want to be happy.

Is that w... I mean,
I just want to be happy.

I just want one day
where I just feel good.

Of course, of course you do.

I just feel like...

I just feel like giving up.

Don't you?

No.

I feel like I'm just starting.

She ate once, shat
twice, slept for an hour.

Can't thank you enough, man.

I mean, I was able to get
protein powder and underpants,

saw my friend Justin.

You know, just to have, like,
a second to breathe was crucial.

Hey, Samps.

Hey, Samps, girl. Hi.

Hey, look at me.

I'm looking at you.

No, no, no, really
look at me in my face.

Okay.

Okay.

You okay?

- Here's Daddy!
- Oh, hi.

Oh, I missed you. Hi.

I missed you so much.

We're gonna get this on
you and then we're gonna go.

We're gonna get this fuckin' thing...

You know what? I'll carry her.

- I'll just carry you. I'd rather
- Okay.

do that anyway, all
right? Here's your bag.

- Thank you again, man.
- Mm-hmm.

Really appreciate it. You wanna say bye?

Bye, bye, bye.

Yeah, here we go.

What should we do tonight?
You wanna watch cartoons?

Okay, he seems okay to me.

Now we can do something fun.

We could ride a water taxi

or maybe go have sex at Trader Joe's.

You know, last time we saw Hannah...

I'm sorry, just one last thing
I can't get out of my head.

Last time we saw Hannah,

she called me "miss" and you "sir."

Didn't that upset you?

No, it didn't. I'm fuckin' fine, thanks.

In fact, you bringing it up all the
time is really starting to piss me off.

She's not in our lives anymore.

Why can't you just fucking let it go?

You really don't get it, do you?

No, no. I really don't.

Hannah is my dearest friend.

She will always come first.

We may not be talking right now.

And I hope to God that that changes.

So, you saying that she's not in our
lives anymore doesn't work for me.

You know people hate me. I'm
a hate-able kind of person.

I don't know why. I can't help it.

Maybe it's 'cause I have
a big ass and good hair.

But I know... I know
that I have principles.

And one thing I don't do is
steal people's boyfriends.

But you ruined that.

Don't you see that?

I'll never forgive you.

I will never forgive you for that.

We could die in the same bed
and I will never forgive you.

Jessa, come back here!

Fuck.

Sophie, you run that website?

- Uh-huh.
- That's amazing.

- It's called, um, Desmerize.
- No, I know what it's called.

It's my favorite one. I'm on
that site like all the time.

- Thank you.
- No, thank you.

What?

- It's just that, um...
- What?

Um, ever since you were
on "Charmed," I've, like...

- loved you.
- Oh, my God, Sophie, I love you.

Oh.

And let's, um... let's
definitely do that interview later

- that we talked about?
- Okay, definitely.

- Okay, cool.
- I can't wait.

- Hi, girls.
- Hey.

Later.

Hey.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- How's it going?
- Ray.

Where's Tandace?

Yeah, she... fuck, her dad died,

- so she, er, she had to take five.
- Oh, no.

- Whoa.
- Yeah, yeah.

Was it a... sudden, or...?

I don't really know the details, but
it sounded pretty serious, you know?

Desi, look, I, ah, I'm gonna
be joining you guys on the tour,

um, carrying guitar cases,

fetching snacks, and so on.

- Oh.
- So, ah, I just really

hope we can figure out a way to
keep things, um, cordial, you know?

Maybe even enjoy a sparkling
beverage at the end of the day.

I mean, I don't drink, but, you
know, I've never refused a juice.

- All right. Exactly.
- We're all adults here.

I don't believe a fuckin'
thing coming out of your mouth.

Well, that's on you, because
the only time I ever lied

is when I said I cared
that you lived or died!

I'm so fucking out of here.

No, you're not going anywhere. I'm
not gonna let Hannah break us apart.

I'll fuckin' run her over
with a car if I have to.

God fuckin'... God damn
it! Fucking best friend?!

Oh, you have great
taste in friends, then.

She's a lazy, e-e-entitled,

manipulative, myopic narcissist

who knows a fuck of a lot
less than she thinks she does.

Why do you think I hated
you for so fucking long?

Because Hannah fucking hates you!

Welcome to having a friend,

something you would know
nothing about, you fucking

- dumb fuck, goat-faced fuck!
- And Hannah is a cunt

whether she's around or not.

Hannah's a bitch and a cunt!

Hannah's a fucking bitch and a cunt!

- We're done with her!
- Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah?

We're done with her?

We will never be done
with her, you shit!

Fuck!

Jesus.

No fuckin' way!

Come out!

Open this fucking door!

I'm not kidding!

You're kidding me.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.

You didn't scare me.

It was just so over-the-top unnecessary.

Well, you're gonna
make a great therapist

because you're fucking insane.

And you're gonna be an amazing actor

because you're a
narcissist and a sociopath!

Hannah told me everything about you.

Everything!

I used to think she was being dramatic,
but now I know it was all true.

- You're actually the worst!
- Fuck you.

Ass fuck!

This particular line of people
is literally my worst nightmare.

Well, you're dressed
like Lance Bass, so...

- So, when do you go on?
- Well, I don't know if I go on.

You know, I put my name in, and
if they pick me, they pick me.

And then they vote based on looks?

No, Elijah, they vote on
adherence to the theme,

general storytelling ability,
okay, and charisma, et cetera.

Okay, well, that's too bad
because you are a moth nine.

Why don't you guys go
sit down? Where's Dad?

Well, he'll be here soon, I think.
Or, I don't know, maybe he won't.

I'll go get us a seat.

Hannah, how are you ever going
to get to the front of this line?

The only time you shove is to
get free samples at Whole Foods.

- I don't shove at Whole Foods.
- I'll do it.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Hi, excuse me.

Excuse me, ma'am. Sorry, sir. Excuse me.

I'm sorry. Excuse me real
quick. I lost my place earlier.

Excuse me, sir, jeez.

I put your name in twice.

Hi.

Hello.

You waiting to sign up, or...?

Yeah, should I pull a you
and put my name in twice?

- I'm sorry.
- Yeah, um, listen.

I'm not gonna tell nobody,
but that was uncool.

I hear you. I didn't think it was cool.

There are actually people in
there trying to live their dream.

I know. There's no part of me
that is defending that action.

I have a podcast. I care.

I get it.

Hello, everybody, welcome to The Moth.

I'm Ophira Eisenberg and
tonight's theme is jealousy,

which should be a perfect way for you

to frame your sex stories.

So we'll be choosing our
storytellers at random.

They will come up here and tell
a true story from their life.

All right, everybody,
let's get things started.

Our first storyteller of the
evening is Leslie Johnstone.

I hate Doug.

I hooked up with him two nights earlier.

But who I really hate
is this Australian woman

who he hooked up with one night earlier.

I don't remember her name,
so let's just call her Cunty.

I'm lying in my bed at night,

and what I'm subconsciously wishing for

is some sort of a transformation.

So, in high school,
she was such a knockout

that the boys nicknamed
her Boom Boom Shauna.

When I was in college,
instead of asking a girl out,

I would ask her if I
could ask her out sometime.

In reality, what's really
going through your mind is,

"I'm going to buy a house today."

Our next storyteller is...

Hannah "Horvayth."

Wait, wait, wait, you
can't bring those up.

- But they're my prompts.
- What, are you an idiot?

Nah, you'll get disqualified. No notes.

Okay.

Thank you.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Thanks.

It's actually Horvath, but having your
Polish last name properly pronounced

is, you know, kind of low
on the list of priorities.

There's police brutality
to worry about and stuff.

So, um...

what follows is a
classic tale of jealousy

and beating it back like the
medieval dragon that it is.

In this story, I am Viggo
Mortensen in "Lord of the Rings,"

and jealousy is powerless
against my sword.

And this begins the way all
stories of jealousy do...

all great stories of jealousy...

which is with my ex-boyfriend
and my best friend fucking.

And this is not just any best friend.

This is the best friend
who I would say looks like

Brigitte Bardot had
a baby with a mermaid.

She literally had an open
fungal sore on her face

and Matthew Perry still asked her out.

So, um, I guess I'm not what you
would describe as, like, a chill girl.

I'm not like a cool, relaxed lady.

Like, you would never meet
me and be like, "That Hannah,

she really goes with the
flow like a funky youth."

You would be like, "Has she snorted
Adderall in the last 60 minutes?"

So when I found out about my
ex-boyfriend and my best friend,

um, I was weirdly calm,
considering that fact.

Frozen, even, you know?

I tried to imagine all
these horrible things,

like him licking her
elephant tramp stamp

and sucking her tiny tit
while she cupped his balls

and then he sucked on her lip,
which is shaped like a rosebud.

And I tried to get
myself really worked up

and just imagine all this
horrible stuff on a loop,

but the fact is is that I wasn't angry,

I was sad.

I was sad about what I
thought they knew I was.

I thought they were sitting there going
like, "Oh, God, Hannah's freaking out.

She's gonna kill a cat and
she's gonna nail it to our door.

She's going to cry so hard that
all of Greenpoint fills with tears

and it's like fuckin' Waterworld."

And you know what? They weren't wrong.

I had to fight really, really
hard not to be that girl.

And it wasn't easy. I thought about,
um, throwing a bike through his window,

but, A, he lives on the third floor.
I have very poor upper body strength.

And, B, he probably would have
appreciated it and been like,

"Thanks for the bike."

I thought about sending
her a text that said,

"How does the wind feel caressing
your two faces, young lady?"

But instead I sat and cried and thought

and ate and wrote and masturbated
thinking about Chris Farley,

which is a thing from my childhood
that I haven't fully worked through yet.

But when I heard tonight's
theme was jealousy,

I knew that I needed an
end to my story, a real end,

and that end came about 20
minutes before I arrived here

when I delivered a very nice and not
at all cheap fruit basket to his door,

along with a note that said, "Good luck.

I mean it sincerely.

In perpetuity, Hannah."

'Cause that's the fact, you know?

I'm Hannah forever.

No matter what I do, no
matter whether I, you know,

start a new nuclear missile
crisis with my emotions

or just sit back and chill and
give someone a fruit basket.

I can only control the mayhem
that I create around me.

But the crazy thing is that when
I showed up, I heard screaming

and I heard my name and I heard madness,

and I knew that I was free,

at least for tonight.

That's all. Thank you.

Whoo!

Ten.

♪ You're just too good to be true ♪

♪ Can't take my eyes off of you ♪

♪ You'd be like heaven to touch ♪

♪ I wanna hold you so much ♪

♪ At long last love has arrived ♪

♪ And I thank God I'm alive ♪

♪ You're just too good to be true... ♪

Desi?

It's Marnie. I need to get in there.

I need my in-ear monitors, I
need my open-toed shoes. Come on.

I really love your website.

Desi?

- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.

Desi, come on, man. Open the door.

Whoa.

Open the door!

She needs her fucking open-toed shoes!

♪ ...feel like I feel ♪

♪ Please let me know that it's real ♪

♪ You're just too good to be true ♪

♪ Can't take my eyes off of you... ♪

I am gonna die having done nothing.

I don't have a lot of time
left in the scheme of things.

Well, I'm gonna die having done nothing,

and I have a ton of time
left in the scheme of things.

I'm gonna live, like, 80
more years. It's horrible!

I'm like three beers away
from trying to fuck you.

Apparently, you're my type.

♪ Oh, pretty baby... ♪

♪ Don't bring me down, I pray ♪

♪ Oh, pretty baby ♪

♪ Now that I've found you, stay ♪

♪ And let me love you, baby ♪

♪ Let me love you ♪

♪ You're just too good to be true ♪

♪ Can't take my eyes off of you ♪

♪ You'd be like heaven to touch ♪

♪ I wanna hold you so much ♪

♪ At long last love has arrived ♪

♪ And I thank God I'm alive ♪

♪ You're just too good to be true ♪

♪ Can't take my eyes off of you... ♪

♪ I love you, baby ♪

♪ And if it's quite all right ♪

♪ I need you, baby, to
warm the lonely night ♪

♪ I love you, baby ♪

♪ Trust in me when I say ♪

♪ Oh, pretty baby ♪

- ♪ Don't bring me down, I pray ♪
- Sync/corrections PetaG - addic7ed.com

- ♪ Oh, pretty baby ♪
- Sync/corrections PetaG - addic7ed.com

- ♪ Now that I've found you, stay ♪
- Sync/corrections PetaG - addic7ed.com

♪ Oh, pretty baby ♪

♪ Trust in me when I say... ♪

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