All language subtitles for Stewie.Griffin.The.Untold.Story.2005.480p.DVDRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:03,804 --> 00:00:06,939 [ Announcer ] LIVE FROM QUAHOG, RHODE ISLAND, THIS IS CHANNEL FIVE ACTION NEWS... 3 00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:09,774 WITH TOM TUCKER, DIANE SIMMONS, 4 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 5 00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:14,679 AND BLACCU-WEATHER METEOROLOGIST, OLLIE WILLIAMS. 6 00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:17,716 GOOD EVENING, I'M TOM TUCKER. AND I'M DIANE SIMMONS. 7 00:00:17,784 --> 00:00:19,851 COULD WE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING BESIDES YOURSELF, DIANE? 8 00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:22,955 - EXCUSE ME? - GREAT. TONIGHT, IN THE NEWS, TWO LOCAL MEN ARRESTED... 9 00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:25,023 AS PART OF AN ILLEGAL STEROID RING. 10 00:00:25,092 --> 00:00:27,692 THESE CHARGES ARE FALSE. OUR MUSCLES ARE THE RESULT... 11 00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:31,162 OF HUNDREDS OF SQUAT-THRUSTS AND SOMERSAULTS DOWN ON THE HARD GROUND. 12 00:00:31,231 --> 00:00:35,767 STOP PUSHING! SAVE YOUR ROUGHNECK TACTICS FOR SACCO AND VANZETTI. 13 00:00:40,941 --> 00:00:43,308 HUP! HUP-HO! HUP! 14 00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,777 MEANWHILE, AUTHORITIES ACTING ON A TIP, 15 00:00:45,846 --> 00:00:48,647 SEARCHED THE MARSHLANDS NEAR THE FOX POINT HURRICANE BARRIER... 16 00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:50,949 FOR WHAT THEY BELIEVED TO BE THE REMAINS... 17 00:00:51,017 --> 00:00:53,017 OF REPUTED MOBSTER "BIG FAT" PAULY. 18 00:00:53,086 --> 00:00:56,288 THE AUTHORITIES WERE DISAPPOINTED TO FIND NOT THE REMAINS OF "BIG FAT" PAULY, 19 00:00:56,356 --> 00:00:59,792 BUT, INSTEAD, THE REMAINS OF THE DAY, A BORING MERCHANT-IVORY FILM... 20 00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:03,562 - STARRING SIR ANTHONY HOPKINS. - HMM. FUNNY HOW THEY COULD'VE CONFUSED THAT. 21 00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:07,265 COMING UP, WHY YOUR NEXT TRIP TO THE SALAD BAR COULD BE YOUR LAST. 22 00:01:07,334 --> 00:01:10,068 BUT FIRST, WE GO LIVE TO THE QUAHOG PERFORMING ARTS CENTER... 23 00:01:10,136 --> 00:01:13,404 WHERE ASIAN CORRESPONDENT, TRICIA TAKANAWA IS DOWN AT THE RED CARPET. 24 00:01:15,476 --> 00:01:19,611 - [ Shutters Clicking ] - TOM, TONIGHT THE STARS ARE OUT... 25 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:23,181 FOR A SPECIAL SNEAK PREVIEW OF A STRAIGHT-TO-DVD FEATURE... 26 00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:27,218 THAT WILL SOON BE IN THE $3.99 BIN AT YOUR LOCAL CAR WASH. 27 00:01:27,287 --> 00:01:30,021 HERE COMES MAYOR ADAM WEST, HIMSELF. 28 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:33,592 MR. WEST, DO YOU HAVE ANY WORDS FOR OUR VIEWERS? 29 00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:38,329 BOX, TOASTER, ALUMINUM, MAPLE SYRUP-- NO, I TAKE THAT ONE BACK. 30 00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:41,566 I'M GONNA HOLD ON TO THAT ONE. THANK YOU, MAYOR WEST. 31 00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:46,871 OH, AND IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN, IT'S LOCAL FOLK LEGEND AND WARD OF THE STATE, 32 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:50,108 QUAHOG'S OWN GREASED-UP DEAF GUY. 33 00:01:50,177 --> 00:01:54,112 DON'T JUDGE ME! I'M JUST DOIN' MY THING! SEE YOU IN THE THEATER. 34 00:01:54,181 --> 00:01:56,614 - [ Woman ] EVIL, OVER HERE! - [ Man ] HEY, EVIL MONKEY! 35 00:01:56,683 --> 00:01:58,883 [ Overlapping Shouts ] 36 00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:01,019 [ Cheering ] 37 00:02:01,088 --> 00:02:04,823 AND HERE COME TWO POPULAR FAMILY GUY GUEST STARS, 38 00:02:04,891 --> 00:02:07,258 DREW BARRYMORE AND HER DATE. 39 00:02:07,327 --> 00:02:09,794 [ Cheering ] HEY, KOOL-AID! 40 00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:11,863 OH, YEAH! THINGS GOING WELL WITH DREW? 41 00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:14,098 OH, YEAH! 42 00:02:14,167 --> 00:02:17,969 WE HAVE SO MUCH FUN AND HE KEEPS MY TONGUE REALLY RED. 43 00:02:18,038 --> 00:02:20,104 SEE? 44 00:02:20,173 --> 00:02:22,273 ♪♪ [ Hip-hop ] 45 00:02:22,342 --> 00:02:26,578 HEY, THANK Y'ALL FOR COMING OUT. DON'T FORGET TO CHECK OUT MY CLOTHING LINE, C.C. BROWN, 46 00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:29,247 AVAILABLE AT MANY RETAIL OUTLETS. 47 00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:31,550 GOT Y'ALL IN HERE. 48 00:02:31,619 --> 00:02:36,388 AND HERE ARE THE STARS OF TONIGHT'S FILM, THE GRIFFIN FAMILY. 49 00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:38,690 WHOA! WHAT'S THIS, A PARTY? 50 00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:40,759 [ Chuckles ] HOW'D YOU ALL GET IN MY ROOM? 51 00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:43,495 [ Laughs ] HI, I'M BRIAN. 52 00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:46,231 UM, I RODE BACKWARDS IN THE LIMO, SO, 53 00:02:46,299 --> 00:02:48,933 UH, ACTUALLY, MY UNDERPANTS WERE GOING THE RIGHT WAY. 54 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,002 [ Giggles ] 55 00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:53,805 - STEWIE! STEWIE! GOOD TO HAVE YOU BACK! - GOOD TO BE BACK. 56 00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:56,774 ESPECIALLY SINCE MY BRIEF FORAY INTO POLITICS DIDN'T WORK OUT. 57 00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:58,910 [ Cheering ] 58 00:02:58,979 --> 00:03:02,147 [ Shouts, Cheers ] 59 00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:08,653 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE GOT HIM! [ Cheering ] 60 00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:13,992 STEWIE, I'M FROM TV GUIDE. HOW DOES IT FEEL... 61 00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:16,127 TO BE THE YOUNGEST WORKING ACTOR IN HOLLYWOOD? 62 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:19,797 WELL, IT FEELS ABOUT LIKE SEVEN FIGURES A YEAR, WHICH FEELS PRETTY GOOD. 63 00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:21,900 STEWIE! STEWIE! HI, I'M FROM THE L.A. TIMES. 64 00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:24,269 CAN YOU TELL US, ARE YOU WORKING ON ANY NEW PROJECTS? 65 00:03:24,338 --> 00:03:26,404 WELL, YES. I JUST DID AN EPISODE OF ACCORDING TO JIM. 66 00:03:26,473 --> 00:03:28,406 I'M THE COMIC RELIEF. 67 00:03:28,475 --> 00:03:32,110 STEWIE, DO YOU KNOW IF FOX HAS ANY PLANS TO BRING BACK FUTURAMA? 68 00:03:32,179 --> 00:03:34,612 WHAT MAGAZINE ARE YOU FROM? ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY. 69 00:03:34,681 --> 00:03:36,748 [ Gasping ] 70 00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:40,652 ♪ LA, LA, LA, LA FAMILY GUY ♪ 71 00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:43,088 [ Slurring ] H-H-HEY, EVERYBODY! 72 00:03:43,157 --> 00:03:46,224 I AM SORRY. I AM SO SORRY. THERE WAS BOOZE IN THE CAR. [ Laughing ] 73 00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:48,293 I'M SORRY. [ Shouting ] 74 00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:50,528 OH, GOD, LOIS! FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, TAKE IT EASY, WILL YA? 75 00:03:50,597 --> 00:03:54,432 WHEN I HEARD-- WHEN I HEARD... GOD. 76 00:03:54,501 --> 00:03:57,068 THAT WE WAS GONNA BE IN A MOVIE, I WAS LIKE, "YEAH!" 77 00:03:57,137 --> 00:03:59,771 ALL RIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT? LET'S JUST TRY AND WALK STRAIGHT HERE. 78 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:01,840 JUST-- [ Grunts, Laughs ] 79 00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:03,842 LOIS, GET UP. OH, GOD. LOIS, GET UP. 80 00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:06,311 GET ON! I'M NOT GONNA GET ON. 81 00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:08,413 I AM NOT GON-- LOIS. LOIS. YOU GET UP. 82 00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:10,748 PETER. WHAT? 83 00:04:10,817 --> 00:04:12,984 GET ON. SON OF A BITCH. 84 00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:15,720 I-I AM REALLY SORRY, EVERYBODY. [ Giggling ] 85 00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:17,789 [ Vomits ] OH, G-- OH! ALL RIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT? 86 00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:21,626 LET'S GET INSIDE. [ Grunts ] COME ON. OW! 87 00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:25,296 SO, MEG, HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION? 88 00:04:25,366 --> 00:04:28,333 [ Gasps ] OH, MY GOD. YOU TALKIN' TO ME? 89 00:04:28,402 --> 00:04:31,636 ARE YOU TALKIN' TO ME? [ Gasps ] OKAY. OKAY. 90 00:04:31,705 --> 00:04:36,440 WELL, I THOUGHT A LOT ABOUT IT, AND I-- AND HERE COMES DAVID BOWIE. 91 00:04:36,509 --> 00:04:39,777 DAVID, WHAT BRINGS YOU ALL THE WAY TO-- SHH! 92 00:04:39,846 --> 00:04:42,247 JUST YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH. 93 00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:45,050 OH, ME LOVE TO MEET ZIGGY STARDUST! 94 00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:48,353 I TAKE YOU HOME. I MAKE YOU FISH BOWEL SOUP. FISH BOWEL! 95 00:04:48,422 --> 00:04:52,356 THANK YOU, TRICIA, FOR SETTING YOUR PEOPLE BACK A THOUSAND YEARS. 96 00:04:52,426 --> 00:04:55,393 AND NOW WE'LL CUT INSIDE THE THEATER TO OUR HIDDEN CAMERAMAN, 97 00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:58,029 WHO'LL BE PROVIDING US WITH A BOOTLEG COPY OF THE MOVIE. 98 00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:04,969 [ Cameraman Blathering ] 99 00:05:11,611 --> 00:05:14,913 [ Announcer ] VINCE VAUGHN, SUSAN SARANDON... 100 00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:17,582 IN TWO PEOPLE WHO LOOK LIKE THEY NEVER SLEEP. 101 00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:19,751 HEY, MARY, HOW'D YOU SLEEP LAST NIGHT? 102 00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:22,554 UGH, I HAD PLENTY OF SLEEP. STOP ASKING ME THAT. 103 00:05:22,623 --> 00:05:24,623 WELL, YOU LOOK TIRED. WELL, SO DO YOU. 104 00:05:24,691 --> 00:05:26,223 FINE. YEAH. 105 00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:38,036 I'M A LITTLE BUNNY AND I'M SEPARATED FROM MY FAMILY. 106 00:05:38,105 --> 00:05:41,473 OH, NO. I HAVE A LONG JOURNEY TO GO ON. 107 00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:43,608 I WISH I DIDN'T HAVE TO GO IT ALONE. 108 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:46,344 HEY, MR. BEAR, I NEED YOUR HELP. 109 00:05:46,413 --> 00:05:50,348 BUT I'M A LONER BEAR WHO DON'T LIKE TO BE BOTHERED BY OTHER FOLKS. 110 00:05:50,417 --> 00:05:53,685 [ Announcer ] A STORY OF FRIENDSHIP, WITH MUSIC BY RANDY NEWMAN. 111 00:05:53,754 --> 00:05:58,123 ♪ IT'S A STORY 'BOUT FRIENDSHIP WITH MUSIC BY ME ♪ 112 00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:00,759 ♪ 'BOUT A BEAR AND A BUNNY ♪ 113 00:06:00,827 --> 00:06:04,428 ♪ IN THE END THE BUNNY'S FAMILY DIES BUT THE BEAR BECOMES HIS NEW FAMILY ♪ 114 00:06:04,497 --> 00:06:06,764 ♪ SOMETHING LIKE THAT ♪ 115 00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:44,769 ♪♪ [ Orchestral ] 116 00:06:55,782 --> 00:06:59,784 ♪♪ [ Swing ] 117 00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:36,681 WHEE! 118 00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:40,651 MOM, LOOK! MOM! MOM! 119 00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:44,655 MOM! MOM! MOM, LOOK AT ME! 120 00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:48,226 LOOK AT ME! MOM! MOM! 121 00:08:48,294 --> 00:08:51,196 MOM! 122 00:08:52,665 --> 00:08:55,566 HOW WAS THAT? YOUR THIRD SOMERSAULT WAS A LITTLE SLOPPY. 123 00:08:55,635 --> 00:08:57,635 BUT WHAT DO I KNOW, HUH? 124 00:08:57,704 --> 00:09:00,471 IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE I QUALIFIED FOR THE OLYMPICS. 125 00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:03,774 YOU WERE IN THE OLYMPICS? NO, I GOT PREGNANT WITH MEG AND COULDN'T GO. 126 00:09:03,843 --> 00:09:05,910 NOW I'M PRO-CHOICE. 127 00:09:08,382 --> 00:09:10,982 HEY! HEY, MEG. GO CROUCH DOWN BEHIND BRIAN. 128 00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,451 I'M GONNA PUSH HIM IN THE POOL. [ Laughs ] OKAY. 129 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,360 [ Both Groaning ] 130 00:09:22,429 --> 00:09:25,163 DAD! OW! DAMN IT! 131 00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:27,532 [ Both Groaning ] MEG, YOU DID IT WRONG! 132 00:09:29,869 --> 00:09:32,370 SEE YA LATER, HONEY. I GUESS I CAN'T GO SWIMMIN' FOR HALF AN HOUR. 133 00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:34,372 GIGGEDY-GIGGEDY-GIGGEDY-GOO! 134 00:09:34,441 --> 00:09:37,842 HEY, STEWIE. HOW 'BOUT DADDY TEACHES YA HOW TO SWIM? 135 00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:40,945 GO... AWAY... FAT MAN. 136 00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:43,581 [ Yells ] WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? "NO" MEANS "NO"! 137 00:09:43,650 --> 00:09:45,717 [ Yells ] OKAY. HERE GOES. 138 00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:49,353 [ Yelling ] COME ON, STEWIE. IN... THE... POOL. 139 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:53,791 NO! NO, I DON'T WANT TO DIE! I WANT TO LIVE! LIVE! 140 00:09:53,860 --> 00:09:56,995 PETER, STOP IT. HE'S NEVER GONNA LEARN LIKE THAT. 141 00:09:57,063 --> 00:09:59,264 MAYBE THIS SUMMER HE SHOULD TAKE SWIM LESSONS. 142 00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:01,366 WOULD YA LIKE THAT, STEWIE? HMM. 143 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:04,135 WELL, I GUESS IT COULDN'T BE WORSE THAN THAT SUMMER I SPENT IN INDIA. 144 00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:06,504 WHATEVER YOU DO, SHORT-ROUND, DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING. 145 00:10:06,573 --> 00:10:09,406 [ Mock Asian Accent ] OKAY, DR. JONES, I NO TOUCH ANYTHING. 146 00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:15,146 - INDY! - LADY ONLY HERE 'CAUSE SHE HUMPING DIRECTOR. 147 00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:21,252 WHOA. LOOK AT THIS PLACE. WHAT HAPPENED TO SAL'S VIDEO? 148 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:24,222 WE BOUGHT THEM OUT TWO WEEKS AGO. WELCOME TO LACKLUSTER VIDEO. 149 00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:26,424 50,000 STORES NATIONWIDE. 150 00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:29,427 YEAH, WELL, UH, YOU KNOW, I USED TO COME INTO SAL'S ONCE OR TWICE A WEEK... 151 00:10:29,496 --> 00:10:32,830 TO RENT MOVIES FROM HIS, UH... BACK ROOM. 152 00:10:32,899 --> 00:10:36,334 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? ROOM FOR, UH, ADULTS ONLY. 153 00:10:36,403 --> 00:10:40,138 CATCH MY DRIFT? THE, UH, KIND OF MOVIES WHERE THERE ARE X-RATED PORNOS... 154 00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:43,375 AND FULLY-NUDE PEOPLE FORNICATE FOR THE CAMERA AND STUFF COMES OUT. 155 00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:45,643 GET MY MEANING? OH, I'M SORRY, BUT LACKLUSTER VIDEO... 156 00:10:45,712 --> 00:10:48,179 TAKES A STRONG MORAL STANCE AGAINST PORNOGRAPHY, 157 00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:50,281 OPEN-MINDEDNESS AND NON-CHRISTIANS. 158 00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:53,250 OH, YEAH? THEN WHY DO YOU RENT PRINCE OF TIDES? BARBRA STREISAND IS JEWISH. 159 00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:55,386 WE EDIT SOME OF OUR MOVIES. 160 00:10:55,455 --> 00:10:57,488 I THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU, DOCTOR. 161 00:10:57,557 --> 00:11:01,793 NO, TOM, YOU'RE WRONG. YOU DON'T LOVE ME. YOU LOVE THE IDEA OF ME. 162 00:11:01,862 --> 00:11:04,662 HI, I'M TOM TUCKER. DO ME A FAVOR AND FILL THIS BAG... 163 00:11:04,731 --> 00:11:08,800 WITH MOTION PICTURES FEATURING WOMEN-ON-WOMEN OR ANYTHING WITH AN AMPUTEE. 164 00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:13,070 SAVE YOUR MONEY, TUCKER. THIS PLACE DOESN'T HAVE PORN. THEY THINK IT'S IMMORAL. 165 00:11:13,139 --> 00:11:15,139 YOU KNOW, THAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS. 166 00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:18,676 WHERE IN THE BIBLE DOES IT SAY A MAN CAN'T FIRE OFF SOME KNUCKLE-CHILDREN... 167 00:11:18,744 --> 00:11:21,412 IN THE PRIVACY OF HIS OWN NEIGHBOR'S LIVING ROOM, WHILE HIS NEIGHBOR IS AT WORK... 168 00:11:21,481 --> 00:11:23,681 BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A DVD PLAYER? 169 00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:26,517 I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT SAYS IT BECAUSE THE BIBLE IS WAY TOO LONG TO READ. 170 00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:28,586 HEY, THAT WAS QUITE A RANT THERE. 171 00:11:28,655 --> 00:11:31,990 YOU KNOW, WE'RE LOOKING FOR AN EVERYMAN TO RANT ABOUT PETTY, NONSENSICAL IRRITANTS... 172 00:11:32,058 --> 00:11:34,125 TO REPLACE OUR "SPOTLIGHT ON THE MIDDLE EAST" SEGMENT. 173 00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,193 HEY! I'D BE GREAT AT THAT! 174 00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:39,530 I'VE BEEN DYING TO GET BACK ON TELEVISION EVER SINCE I STOPPED HOSTING FAMILY FEUD. 175 00:11:39,599 --> 00:11:43,267 HOW ARE YOU, BETSY? WELCOME TO THE SHOW. YOU ARE A LOVELY YOUNG WOMAN. 176 00:11:43,336 --> 00:11:46,337 STICK MY HAND UP THERE AND FEEL THAT ONE. [ Gasps ] 177 00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:48,506 AND THAT ONE. 178 00:11:48,575 --> 00:11:51,042 WE'RE LOOKING FOR SOMETHIN' YOU SHOP FOR AT THE MALL. THREE SECONDS. 179 00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:58,783 COME ON, STEWIE. DON'T BE AFRAID. 180 00:11:58,852 --> 00:12:00,985 IT'S JUST WATER. IT'S NOT GONNA BITE. 181 00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:03,821 SHUT UP! I KNOW IT'S NOT GOING TO BITE, STUPID. 182 00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:07,658 WHAT A STUPID THING TO SAY. YOU DROWN IN IT, YOU MORON. IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BITE YOU. 183 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:11,195 HEY, LITTLE GUY. TAKE A LOOK AT BRAD OVER THERE. HE'S MY STAR PUPIL. 184 00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:14,165 - SEE HOW BRAVE HE IS? - [ Scoffs ] HE'S NOT BRAVE. 185 00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,300 I'LL TELL YOU WHO WAS BRAVE-- GANDHI. 186 00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:19,370 AND THE BLACK PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS LIKE, "HEY, BITCH." 187 00:12:19,438 --> 00:12:23,340 AND THE INDIAN PEOPLE, WE DO NOT CALL OUR WOMEN IN SUCH A WAY. 188 00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:25,476 [ Man ] BOO! YOU SUCK! 189 00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:28,379 OKAY, PARENTS. NEXT WEEK'S THE TODDLER'S SWIM MEET. 190 00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:30,781 IT'S GONNA BE A LOT OF FUN! 191 00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:34,818 YOU KNOW, THAT IS A REMARKABLE RESEMBLANCE, BRAD. 192 00:12:34,887 --> 00:12:39,023 YOU, ON YOUR BACK, IN THE WATER-- YOU LOOK LIKE ONE OF MY STOOLS! 193 00:12:43,029 --> 00:12:46,931 SO, IS IT JUST POOL WATER THAT TURNS YOU INTO A SNIVELING GIRL, OR IS IT ALL WATER? 194 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,700 MOM! BRIAN'S ASKING ME IF IT'S JUST POOL WATER THAT TURNS ME... 195 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,836 INTO A SNIVELING GIRL OR IF IT'S ALL WATER! 196 00:12:51,904 --> 00:12:56,240 I HEARD THAT OLYMPIC SWIMMERS SHAVE ALL THE HAIR OFF THEIR HEAD AND THEIR PRIVATE AREAS... 197 00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:58,275 TO MAKE 'EM MOVE FASTER. 198 00:12:58,345 --> 00:13:00,311 I DON'T NEED SOME STUPID GIMMICK. 199 00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:05,150 SOON AS I IMPROVE MY TECHNIQUE, I'LL OUTSWIM BRAD AS EASILY AS I TOOK CARE OF THAT OTHER BOY. 200 00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:08,887 - CASPER, GO LONG! - [ Tires Screeching ] 201 00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:12,156 - [ Crash ] - OOH, SORRY ABOUT THAT, MAN. 202 00:13:12,224 --> 00:13:14,158 ARE YOU DEAD? YEAH, WHATEVER. 203 00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:16,227 I WAS GONNA OFF MYSELF ON TUESDAY ANYWAY. 204 00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:19,396 HEY, PETER, SHOULDN'T YOU BE GETTING READY FOR YOUR FIRST NEWS SEGMENT? 205 00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:22,733 YEAH. I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS, THOUGH. I'M NOT SURE WHAT TO TALK ABOUT. 206 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:26,170 YOU COULD TALK ABOUT ME. OKAY, HONEY. I'LL TALK ABOUT YOU. 207 00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:30,408 [ Laughs ] "HEY, I'M MEG. I GO TO SCHOOL. I WEAR GLASSES." 208 00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:34,178 [ All Laughing ] 209 00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:36,614 - SPOT ON. SPOT ON. - [ Laughs Sheepishly ] 210 00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:39,583 OH, PETER, YOU'LL BE GREAT. YOU'RE A NATURAL. 211 00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:42,419 I ALWAYS SAID THEY NEVER SHOULD HAVE REPLACED YOU ON ROSEANNE. 212 00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:44,589 HEY, ROSIE, HAVE YOU SEEN DARLENE? 213 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:50,027 [ Slurring Words ] 214 00:13:50,096 --> 00:13:52,497 ...AND JUNK. 215 00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:57,401 UH, I-I DON'T, UH-- I CAN'T, UH-- WHAT? 216 00:13:59,806 --> 00:14:03,174 IN OTHER NEWS, AFTER SEVERAL GRUELING DAYS OF FRIGHTENING UNCERTAINTY, 217 00:14:03,242 --> 00:14:06,778 I FINALLY GET MY PERIOD. WELL, DIANE, I'M SURE YOU AND YOUR BROTHER... 218 00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:10,047 MUST BE DEVASTATED BY THE LOSS OF THE TWO-HEADED OFFSPRING THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN. 219 00:14:10,116 --> 00:14:14,085 WE NOW GO TO PETER GRIFFIN FOR "YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS?" 220 00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:17,221 THANKS, TOM. YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS? 221 00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:20,658 NOBODY'S COME UP WITH A NEW PRIEST-AND-RABBI JOKE IN, LIKE, 30 YEARS. 222 00:14:20,727 --> 00:14:22,860 YOU KNOW? I MEAN, OKAY. UM, UM-- 223 00:14:22,929 --> 00:14:25,829 A PRIEST AND RABBI GO INTO THE SUPERMARKET AND, UH, THE PRIEST... 224 00:14:25,898 --> 00:14:28,132 WANTS TO BUY A HAM AND THE RABBI SAYS, 225 00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:30,201 "UH, I CAN'T EAT IT. IT'S FORBIDDEN. 226 00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:32,470 COULDN'T EAT IT. NOT ALLOWED." 227 00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:35,039 PIGS ARE LIKE SUPERHEROES TO THEM. IS IT PERFECT? NO. 228 00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:37,375 I-I DON'T SEE YOU COMIN' UP WITH ANYTHING. 229 00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:39,610 AND THAT, PEOPLE, IS WHAT GRINDS MY GEARS. TOM. 230 00:14:41,681 --> 00:14:43,681 COME ON. YOU GONNA BE ALL DAY? 231 00:14:43,749 --> 00:14:46,517 [ Stewie ] I'M BRUSHING MY TEETH. YOU ONLY HAVE, LIKE, TWO. 232 00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:49,720 - I MEAN, HOW LONG COULD-- OH, GOD! - OH. HEY. 233 00:14:49,789 --> 00:14:52,956 UH... WOW. 234 00:14:53,025 --> 00:14:56,126 [ Chuckles Nervously ] YOU... DOIN' A LITTLE HAIR REMOVAL THERE? 235 00:14:56,195 --> 00:14:59,063 OH, UH-- YEAH. 236 00:14:59,131 --> 00:15:02,634 UM... YOU KNOW, FEEL FREE TO SAY "NO" TO THIS, BUT... 237 00:15:02,702 --> 00:15:05,102 WOULD YOU SHAVE MY COIN PURSE? 238 00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:09,340 [ Laughing ] 239 00:15:10,977 --> 00:15:14,645 OH, NO! NO WAY, MAN! 240 00:15:14,714 --> 00:15:18,816 [ Laughs ] HOLY FREAKING GOD! 241 00:15:18,884 --> 00:15:23,187 - OH! - [ Scoffs ] DON'T HAVE TO BE SO UPTIGHT ABOUT IT. 242 00:15:24,390 --> 00:15:26,624 THERE WE ARE. BALDER THAN MICHAEL CHIKLIS-- 243 00:15:26,693 --> 00:15:29,593 AND BEARS HIM AN ODD RESEMBLANCE TOO. I SAY, THEY COULD BE BROTHERS. 244 00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:32,530 [ Announcer ] DETECTIVE VIC MACKEY HAS FINALLY MET HIS MATCH. 245 00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:36,200 JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THE SHIELD COULDN'T GET ANYMORE INTENSE. 246 00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:39,403 HEY, MACKEY, YOUR BROTHER'S HERE. I'M SORRY, DETECTIVE. 247 00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:42,606 I DON'T HAVE A BROTHER. HELLO, VIC. 248 00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:46,610 DETECTIVE SCROTES. I TOLD YOU I NEVER WANTED TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 249 00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:49,714 YEAH? WELL, I GOT A LISTENIN' PROBLEM. 250 00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:54,018 OKAY. WE'RE GONNA HAVE OUR FIRST FUN LITTLE RACE. 251 00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:56,087 WHEN I BLOW THIS WHISTLE, I WANT ALL THE PARENTS... 252 00:15:56,155 --> 00:15:58,155 TO THROW THEIR CHILDREN INTO THE POOL. 253 00:15:58,224 --> 00:16:02,359 IF YOUR CHILD DOESN'T RESURFACE RIGHT AWAY, THEY'RE PROBABLY JUST TRYING TO GET ATTENTION. 254 00:16:02,428 --> 00:16:04,495 - READY? - GOOD LUCK, STEWIE. 255 00:16:04,563 --> 00:16:06,397 [ Imitating Brad ] "GOOD LUCK, STEWIE." 256 00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:07,932 THAT'S YOU. THAT'S WHAT YOU SOUND LIKE. 257 00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:11,335 - [ Blows Whistle ] - YOU'RE MINE, BRAD! 258 00:16:11,403 --> 00:16:14,739 DAMN, DAMN, DAMN, DAMN, DAMN! [ Gurgling ] 259 00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:20,911 EW! A BAND-AID. 260 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,981 - I'VE GOT YA, SWEETIE. - [ Choking ] 261 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:30,221 - [ Chattering ] - [ Giggles ] 262 00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:32,189 [ Cheering ] GOOD FOR YOU, BRAD! 263 00:16:32,258 --> 00:16:34,325 OH, ISN'T HE ADORABLE? HE'S MUCH BETTER THAN MY KIDS. 264 00:16:36,729 --> 00:16:39,796 SO, YOU THINK YOU CAN MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A FOOL, DO YOU? YOU LITTLE BASTARD! 265 00:16:39,865 --> 00:16:42,900 WELL, GUESS AGAIN! 266 00:16:42,969 --> 00:16:47,171 OH, BRAD! THERE'S A PIECE OF MARZIPAN OVER HERE FOR YOU. 267 00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:53,611 - [ Beeps ] - WHAT THE DEUCE? 268 00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:58,649 - [ Beeping ] - [ Grunts ] 269 00:16:58,718 --> 00:17:02,553 - [ Beeping Continues ] - [ Explosion ] 270 00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:08,492 - [ Screams ] - [ Crash ] 271 00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:14,599 HELL? NOW, THAT'S A BIT MUCH, DON'T YOU THINK? 272 00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:17,768 I MEAN, SURE, I'VE SPENT MY ENTIRE LIFE TRYING TO KILL MY MOTHER. BUT WHO HASN'T? 273 00:17:17,837 --> 00:17:20,671 YOU KNOW, REALLY, FOR HELL THIS ISN'T THAT BAD. 274 00:17:20,739 --> 00:17:22,874 HI, THERE. I'M STEVE ALLEN. OH, HELLO. 275 00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:24,775 ALL RIGHT. LET'S DO THIS. [ Screams ] 276 00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:28,179 [ Gasps ] AH! [ Gasping ] 277 00:17:28,248 --> 00:17:30,247 I'M ALIVE. I'M ALIVE! 278 00:17:30,316 --> 00:17:32,483 OH! STEWIE! MY BABY. 279 00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:35,853 I THOUGHT I'D LOST YOU. OH! [ Kissing ] 280 00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:38,922 I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. ALL THESE YEARS I THOUGHT I WAS LIVING IN HELL, 281 00:17:38,992 --> 00:17:40,992 BUT IT GETS SO MUCH WORSE. 282 00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,327 THIS IS A SIGN. WELL, FROM THIS DAY FORWARD, 283 00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:46,764 STEWART GILLIGAN GRIFFIN WILL BE A GOOD BOY. 284 00:17:46,832 --> 00:17:49,834 I DON'T UNDERSTAND. I WAS ONLY GONNA ASK HIM TO FIX MY COLLAR. 285 00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:52,503 HUH. WELL, I WONDER WHAT THEY GOT ON TV IN HELL. 286 00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:56,107 ♪♪ [ TV: Theme ] ♪ THERE'S A TIME FOR LOVE AND A TIME FOR LIVING ♪ 287 00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:58,609 [ Clicking Repeatedly ] ♪ TAKE A CHANCE AND FACE THE WIND ♪♪ 288 00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:06,016 MORNING, BRIAN. 289 00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,852 BEAUTIFUL DAY, ISN'T IT? KIND OF DAY THAT MAKES YOU GLAD TO BE ALIVE. 290 00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:12,223 I MADE FUDGE. UH, OKAY. 291 00:18:15,495 --> 00:18:17,428 WHA-- UH-- WHAT, UH-- 292 00:18:17,497 --> 00:18:19,830 WHAT ARE YOU-- WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WELL, FROM THE FEEL OF IT, 293 00:18:19,898 --> 00:18:22,100 WORKING THROUGH QUITE A FEW YEARS OF STRESS. 294 00:18:22,168 --> 00:18:25,336 THE THING IS, WHEN I DIED, I GOT A GLIMPSE OF WHERE I WAS GOING... 295 00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:27,671 AND, WELL, I DID NOT LIKE IT ONE BIT. 296 00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:30,408 WOW. I AM SO UNCOMFORTABLE RIGHT NOW. 297 00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:32,510 SO, I'VE RESOLVED TO CHANGE MY WAYS, 298 00:18:32,579 --> 00:18:34,611 BECAUSE I KNOW NOW WHO I WANT TO BE. 299 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:38,549 ♪ I HAVE CONFIDENCE IN SUNSHINE ♪ 300 00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:41,786 ♪ I HAVE CONFIDENCE IN RAIN ♪ 301 00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:44,989 ♪ I HAVE CONFIDENCE THAT SPRING WILL COME AGAIN ♪ 302 00:18:45,058 --> 00:18:48,625 ♪ BESIDES WHICH, YOU SEE I HAVE CONFIDENCE IN ME ♪♪ 303 00:18:48,694 --> 00:18:51,629 THERE YOU ARE. DRINK PLENTY OF WATER. 304 00:18:51,697 --> 00:18:54,132 HEY, BRIAN. YEAH? 305 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,433 THANKS FOR LISTENING. 306 00:18:56,502 --> 00:18:59,436 BOY, THAT WAS MORE DISTURBING THAN THAT CARTOON I SAW THE OTHER DAY. 307 00:19:02,842 --> 00:19:07,544 SHH! BE "VEWY," "VEWY" QUIET. I'M HUNTING "WABBITS." 308 00:19:08,614 --> 00:19:10,614 NYAH, WHAT'S UP, DOC? 309 00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:14,151 [ Groaning ] 310 00:19:14,220 --> 00:19:16,387 OH, GOD! OH, GOD! 311 00:19:16,455 --> 00:19:19,723 OH! [ Groaning ] 312 00:19:25,264 --> 00:19:27,998 [ Bones Crack ] 313 00:19:31,604 --> 00:19:34,338 SHH! QUIET! QUIET! YOUR FATHER'S ON. 314 00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:37,975 YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS? THIS LINDSAY LOHAN. 315 00:19:38,044 --> 00:19:40,811 EH? LINDSAY LOHAN WITH ALL THOSE LITTLE OUTFITS... 316 00:19:40,879 --> 00:19:43,180 JUMPIN' AROUND THERE ON STAGE HALF-NAKED... 317 00:19:43,249 --> 00:19:45,349 WITH YOUR LITTLE OUTFITS. 318 00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:49,220 YOU'RE UP THERE JUMPIN' AROUND AND I'M JUST SITTIN' HERE WITH MY BEER. 319 00:19:49,288 --> 00:19:51,722 SO, YOU KNOW, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? 320 00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:54,224 WHAT DO YOU-- WHAT DO YOU WANT? YOU KNOW, ARE WE GONNA GO OUT? 321 00:19:54,293 --> 00:19:56,961 IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TRYIN'-- WHY ARE YOU... LEAPIN' AROUND THERE, 322 00:19:57,029 --> 00:20:00,031 THROWIN' THOSE THINGS ALL UP, UM, OVER THERE IN MY FACE? 323 00:20:00,099 --> 00:20:04,034 HUH? WHAT DO YOU WANT, LINDSAY? TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT! 324 00:20:04,102 --> 00:20:06,403 WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU WANT. YOU WANT NOTHIN'. 325 00:20:06,472 --> 00:20:08,472 YOU WANT NOTHIN'. ALL RIGHT? 326 00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:12,543 BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW THAT NO WOMAN ANYWHERE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH ANYONE, 327 00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:17,113 AND TO TITILLATE US WITH ANY THOUGHTS OTHERWISE IS JUST BOGUS. 328 00:20:17,182 --> 00:20:20,885 OH! HE IS SO RIGHT-ON. WOMEN ARE SUCH TEASES. 329 00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:22,953 THAT'S WHY I WENT BACK TO MEN. 330 00:20:23,022 --> 00:20:27,424 OKAY, MOM. THANKS FOR THAT. SEE YOU LATER. 331 00:20:27,493 --> 00:20:29,560 GO ON. 332 00:20:29,628 --> 00:20:33,263 ANOTHER THING THAT GRINDS MY GEARS IS WHEN I CAN'T FIND THE DROIDS I'M LOOKIN' FOR. 333 00:20:33,332 --> 00:20:35,532 [ Amplified Voice ] YEAH, ME TOO. WHAT GIVES WITH THAT? 334 00:20:35,601 --> 00:20:37,802 AND THAT'S WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS. 335 00:20:37,870 --> 00:20:39,837 CLEAR. REMOVE MY MICROPHONE. 336 00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,906 GREAT JOB, MR. GRIFFIN. GREAT JOB, PETER. 337 00:20:41,974 --> 00:20:43,974 JUST TERRIFIC. JUST FANTASTIC. 338 00:20:44,043 --> 00:20:46,410 OH, THIS GIG IS EVEN BETTER THAN THAT JOB I HAD... 339 00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:49,012 PROVIDING NIGHTTIME HEAT FOR LARA FLYNN BOYLE. 340 00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:51,215 THANKS SO MUCH, PETER. 341 00:20:51,284 --> 00:20:53,350 I WAS GETTING A LITTLE CHILLY. NO SWEAT, LARA. 342 00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:56,019 HEY, YOU HAVE YOURSELF A FINE SLEEP. 343 00:20:57,356 --> 00:21:00,457 HEY, LARA. YEAH? 344 00:21:00,526 --> 00:21:04,361 IS DYLAN McDERMOTT NICE IN PERSON? YEAH. 345 00:21:04,430 --> 00:21:06,496 GOOD. 346 00:21:10,402 --> 00:21:12,570 SO, WHO WOULD LIKE TO SAY THE BLESSING? 347 00:21:12,638 --> 00:21:14,905 NO ONE? OKAY. I'LL DO IT. 348 00:21:14,974 --> 00:21:17,074 UM, DEAR LORD, 349 00:21:17,142 --> 00:21:19,543 WE THANK YOU FOR THIS FOOD WE ARE ABOUT TO EAT, 350 00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:23,381 UH, THANK YOU FOR THIS GORGEOUS DAY, 351 00:21:23,449 --> 00:21:27,351 AND THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME SHARE IT WITH MY GOOD FRIEND, BRIAN-- 352 00:21:27,419 --> 00:21:29,419 THAT'S YOU. 353 00:21:29,488 --> 00:21:31,488 UM... 354 00:21:31,557 --> 00:21:33,891 AND THAT ABOUT COVERS IT, I GUESS. 355 00:21:33,959 --> 00:21:36,026 ALL RIGHT. AMEN. [ Groans ] 356 00:21:36,095 --> 00:21:40,664 SWEETHEART, I THOUGHT YOUR "GRIND MY GEARS" SEGMENT WAS JUST WONDERFUL TONIGHT. 357 00:21:40,733 --> 00:21:43,033 YEAH! I CAN'T BELIEVE MY FATHER'S FAMOUS. 358 00:21:43,102 --> 00:21:45,235 WELL, HONEY, THERE'S BEEN A LOT OF FAMOUS GRIFFINS, 359 00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:47,504 LIKE MY GREAT AUNT, ELLA FITZGERALD GRIFFIN. 360 00:21:47,573 --> 00:21:49,773 ♪♪ [ Jazz ] THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. 361 00:21:49,842 --> 00:21:52,042 I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE MY ACCOMPANIST FOR THE EVENING, 362 00:21:52,111 --> 00:21:55,011 PLEASE SAY HELLO TO YOUNG RAY CHARLES. 363 00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:58,582 - [ Cheering ] - ♪♪ [ Scatting ] 364 00:22:01,454 --> 00:22:05,656 ♪♪ [ Holds Note ] 365 00:22:05,725 --> 00:22:09,093 [ Screaming ] I'M BLIND! 366 00:22:09,161 --> 00:22:12,930 I FEEL RIDICULOUS. WELL, I CAN'T VERY WELL FIT YOU UP HERE, CAN I? 367 00:22:12,998 --> 00:22:17,468 - WHERE ARE WE GOING? - WELL, THERE IS THE MOST ABSOLUTELY PERFECT... 368 00:22:17,536 --> 00:22:19,803 SPIDER WEB IN THE BUSHES BY CLEVELAND'S HOUSE. 369 00:22:19,872 --> 00:22:22,373 - YOU HAVE JUST GOT TO SEE IT. - OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE. 370 00:22:22,441 --> 00:22:24,475 HEY, BRIAN. BRIAN. WHAT? 371 00:22:24,544 --> 00:22:26,677 KNOCK-KNOCK. OH, COME ON. 372 00:22:26,746 --> 00:22:28,779 KNOCK-KNOCK. WHO'S THERE? 373 00:22:28,848 --> 00:22:32,650 YOUR FRIEND, STEWIE-- AND HE'S ALWAYS GONNA BE THERE FOR YOU. 374 00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:38,021 YES. TABLE FOR TWO. I'M SORRY. WE HAVE A 45-MINUTE WAIT. 375 00:22:38,090 --> 00:22:40,624 OH, ISN'T THAT TOO BAD, HONEY? 376 00:22:40,693 --> 00:22:43,827 BECAUSE I KNOW WAITING IN LINE AT A RESTAURANT... 377 00:22:43,896 --> 00:22:45,963 REALLY, UH, GRINDS YOUR GEARS. 378 00:22:46,032 --> 00:22:48,031 OH, MY GOD! IT'S YOU! 379 00:22:48,100 --> 00:22:51,101 I LOVED YOUR RANT ABOUT HOW BREAD IS SQUARE AND BALONEY IS ROUND. 380 00:22:51,170 --> 00:22:53,236 OH, A TABLE JUST OPENED UP. 381 00:22:53,305 --> 00:22:57,340 HEY! WE'VE BEEN WAITING. SHH! THAT'S MICHAEL MOORE. 382 00:22:57,409 --> 00:22:59,410 MR. TUCKER, WE NEED THIS TABLE. 383 00:22:59,479 --> 00:23:01,479 BUT I'VE ALREADY ORDERED. 384 00:23:01,547 --> 00:23:05,149 OH, WE HAVE A PRIVATE BOOTH SET UP FOR YOU. THIS WAY. 385 00:23:05,218 --> 00:23:07,217 GRIFFIN. DIANE. 386 00:23:07,286 --> 00:23:09,920 I CAN'T BELIEVE WE GOT A TABLE AT THE HOTTEST RESTAURANT IN TOWN... 387 00:23:09,989 --> 00:23:11,989 WITHOUT A RESERVATION. 388 00:23:12,058 --> 00:23:14,124 WE REALLY ARE MOVING UP IN THE WORLD. 389 00:23:14,193 --> 00:23:16,560 YEAH, BUT I'D LOVE TO SEE WHAT THOSE PRIVATE BOOTHS ARE LIKE. 390 00:23:20,966 --> 00:23:25,368 THIS IS TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE. HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO BE? I'M VERY HUNGRY. 391 00:23:29,575 --> 00:23:31,875 HEY, B! RUPERT AND I WERE JUST ABOUT TO-- 392 00:23:31,944 --> 00:23:34,078 E-E-EXCUSE ME. DID YOU JUST CALL ME "B"? 393 00:23:34,147 --> 00:23:36,380 YES, B. RUPERT AND I WERE JUST ABOUT TO DINE ON THIS MIXTURE... 394 00:23:36,449 --> 00:23:38,449 OF PLAY-DOH AND RUG HAIR. 395 00:23:38,518 --> 00:23:40,517 CARE TO JOIN? OH, NO, THANKS. 396 00:23:40,586 --> 00:23:42,820 I JUST THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN SEEING THIS. 397 00:23:42,888 --> 00:23:46,323 THIS IS THE MOST ABSOLUTELY PERFECTLY DESTROYED SPIDER WEB. 398 00:23:46,391 --> 00:23:48,558 [ Gasps ] WHERE'S THE SPIDER? KNOCK-KNOCK. 399 00:23:48,628 --> 00:23:50,761 WHO'S THERE? I ATE HIM! 400 00:23:50,830 --> 00:23:53,230 YOU BASTARD! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? 401 00:23:53,299 --> 00:23:56,066 HA! I KNEW IT. I KNEW YOU HADN'T REALLY CHANGED. 402 00:23:56,135 --> 00:23:59,136 OKAY. SO, I WAS FAKING BEING NICE. IT'S NOT THE WORST THING I'VE DONE. 403 00:23:59,205 --> 00:24:01,538 [ Cheering ] [ Bat Hitting Ball ] 404 00:24:01,607 --> 00:24:04,207 OOH! STEVE, IT'S COMING RIGHT AT US. GRAB IT! 405 00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:06,877 I DON'T WANNA GET IN THE WAY. IT'S A FOUL BALL. 406 00:24:06,946 --> 00:24:09,045 WHAT HARM CAN IT DO? 407 00:24:09,114 --> 00:24:12,483 LOOK, I REALLY DON'T WANT TO GO TO HELL, BUT I CAN'T FIGHT MY NATURE. 408 00:24:12,551 --> 00:24:15,219 I'M JUST A HATEFUL PERSON. YOU'RE NOT HATEFUL. 409 00:24:15,287 --> 00:24:17,287 YOU JUST NEED TO CONTROL YOUR ANGER LIKE I DO. 410 00:24:17,356 --> 00:24:19,356 [ Scoffs ] YOU MEAN BY BEING SAUCED ALL DAY? 411 00:24:19,424 --> 00:24:21,958 WAIT A MINUTE. OF COURSE. THAT'S IT. 412 00:24:22,027 --> 00:24:25,662 IF I'M DRUNK, I'LL BE CALM. IF I'M CALM, I'LL BE NICE. IF I'M NICE, I WON'T GO TO HELL. 413 00:24:25,731 --> 00:24:28,131 FIX ME A HIGHBALL. I'M GOING TO GET GOOD AND TIGHT. 414 00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:30,333 LOOK, YOU CAN'T DRINK. YOU'RE AN INFANT, ALL RIGHT? 415 00:24:30,402 --> 00:24:32,469 BESIDES, THERE ARE BETTER WAYS TO SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS. 416 00:24:32,538 --> 00:24:35,672 OH, I SUPPOSE YOU'RE RIGHT. THANKS, BRIAN. I WAS WEAK. 417 00:24:35,741 --> 00:24:38,008 NO PROBLEM. 418 00:24:41,714 --> 00:24:44,615 OH, MY GOD! DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S TIME FOR? 419 00:24:44,684 --> 00:24:46,884 A SEXY PARTY! 420 00:24:46,953 --> 00:24:50,554 ♪♪ [ 1960's Pop ] [ All Giggling ] 421 00:24:56,061 --> 00:24:58,195 [ Giggling ] 422 00:25:04,703 --> 00:25:07,971 SO, BRIAN, I-- OH, WHAT? 423 00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:11,708 I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING. I-I THOUGHT-- OH, I THOUGHT YOU INTERRUPTED ME. 424 00:25:11,777 --> 00:25:14,144 DO-DON'T INTERRUPT ME! ARE YOU OKAY? 425 00:25:14,212 --> 00:25:16,880 I'M AS OKAY AS YOUR FACE. 426 00:25:16,949 --> 00:25:19,549 [ Laughing ] 427 00:25:19,618 --> 00:25:23,387 [ Wheezing ] I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. I'M S-SORRY. 428 00:25:23,456 --> 00:25:26,790 SO, HONEY, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO RANT ABOUT TODAY? 429 00:25:26,858 --> 00:25:29,293 COULD WE GET A LITTLE PREVIEW? OH, I GOT A GOOD ONE, LOIS. 430 00:25:29,362 --> 00:25:32,496 PARENTS WHO LET THEIR KIDS DO ANYTHING THEY WANT. I HATE THAT. 431 00:25:32,564 --> 00:25:35,499 YOU KNOW? LIKE, WHEN I'M IN A RESTAURANT TRYIN' TO ENJOY MY DINNER... 432 00:25:35,567 --> 00:25:39,636 AND LITTLE BABY JUNIOR SON-OF-A-BITCH OVER THERE IS SCREAMING HIS HEAD OFF. 433 00:25:39,705 --> 00:25:41,805 PARENTS NEED TO CONTROL THEIR KIDS. 434 00:25:41,874 --> 00:25:45,242 HEY! EVERYBODY, LOOK! I'M GONNA DO-- I'M GONNA DO SOMETHING... 435 00:25:45,311 --> 00:25:47,377 THAT'S GONNA FREAK YOU OUT. 436 00:25:47,446 --> 00:25:51,381 I'M GONNA JUMP FROM THIS SHELF TO MY HIGH CHAIR. 437 00:25:51,450 --> 00:25:55,485 I'M GONNA JUMP. YOU-- ARE Y-YOU WATCHING? ARE YOU? ARE YOU? 438 00:25:55,554 --> 00:25:57,988 STEWIE, DON'T INTERRUPT. IT GRINDS MY GEARS WHEN YOU DO THAT. 439 00:25:58,056 --> 00:26:00,090 [ Screams ] OH! HE SAID IT! 440 00:26:00,159 --> 00:26:02,159 [ Giggles ] 441 00:26:02,228 --> 00:26:04,460 YOU'RE GON-- YOU'RE GONNA-- YOU'RE GONNA MISS IT. 442 00:26:04,529 --> 00:26:07,297 YOU'RE GONNA MISS IT. YOU'RE GONNA MISS IT. 443 00:26:07,366 --> 00:26:10,266 [ Crash ] [ Stewie Groans, Laughs ] 444 00:26:10,336 --> 00:26:13,303 OH, G-- OH, DUDE! DID YOU SEE TH-THAT? 445 00:26:13,372 --> 00:26:15,739 DID YOU GUYS-- OH, MAN. LOOK AT THIS-- 446 00:26:15,808 --> 00:26:18,842 LOOK AT THIS GASH. LOOK AT THIS GASH RIGHT UP THE SIDE OF MY LEG. 447 00:26:18,910 --> 00:26:21,545 OH-HO! OH! I CUT MYSELF DEEP. 448 00:26:21,613 --> 00:26:24,181 OH! IT DOESN'T HURT THOUGH. UH, ALL RIGHT. TIME FOR YOUR NAP. 449 00:26:24,249 --> 00:26:26,316 DON'T WORRY, LOIS. I'LL TAKE HIM. LET'S GO. 450 00:26:27,552 --> 00:26:29,620 GOD! WHAT-- WHAT THE HELL? 451 00:26:29,689 --> 00:26:31,855 WHY ARE YOU DRAG-- WHY ARE WE IN HERE? 452 00:26:31,924 --> 00:26:34,124 IT'S RUDE TO THE... OTHER PEOPLE. 453 00:26:34,193 --> 00:26:36,193 YOU'RE DRUNK. YOU'RE SEXY. 454 00:26:36,261 --> 00:26:38,461 LISTEN, YOU HAVE TO STOP THIS, ALL RIGHT? NO MORE DRINKING. 455 00:26:38,530 --> 00:26:40,697 I'M SORRY I EVEN PUT IT IN YOUR HEAD. I DON'T KNOW. 456 00:26:40,766 --> 00:26:43,399 I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS. I'VE NEVER FELT BETTER. 457 00:26:43,468 --> 00:26:46,470 [ Vomits ] OKAY, NOW I'VE NEVER FELT BETTER. 458 00:26:50,642 --> 00:26:53,610 YOU KNOW, PETER, THERE'S GONNA BE A LOT OF PEOPLE WATCHING TONIGHT. 459 00:26:53,679 --> 00:26:56,513 BETTER KEEP YOUR BALLS ON THE PRIZE-- EYEBALLS-- 460 00:26:56,582 --> 00:26:58,648 ON THE BALL. EYES ON THE BALL. 461 00:26:58,717 --> 00:27:01,017 [ Clears Throat ] TAKE TWO. YOU KNOW, PETER, THERE'S GONNA BE... 462 00:27:01,087 --> 00:27:03,220 A LOT OF PEOPLE WATCHING TONIGHT. 463 00:27:03,288 --> 00:27:05,288 BETTER NOT SCREW UP. USE TAKE TWO. 464 00:27:05,357 --> 00:27:07,991 DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME, TOM. I'LL BE FINE. 465 00:27:08,060 --> 00:27:10,260 WE'RE ON IN THREE, TWO-- 466 00:27:10,329 --> 00:27:12,930 AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR "YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS?" 467 00:27:12,998 --> 00:27:15,398 - WITH PETER GRIFFIN. - THANKS, DIANE. 468 00:27:15,467 --> 00:27:18,202 - YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS? - HEY! HEY! 469 00:27:18,270 --> 00:27:20,670 THOSE X-RAY SPECS YOU USED TO BUY OUT OF THE COMICS. 470 00:27:20,739 --> 00:27:23,707 - HEY! SCREW UP! - I SAVE UP FOREVER TO BUY THESE THINGS, 471 00:27:23,776 --> 00:27:27,177 AND WHEN I FINALLY GET 'EM YESTERDAY, I COULDN'T SEE THE INSIDE OF MY SON'S BELLY. 472 00:27:27,245 --> 00:27:32,249 BLAH! BAH! BLAH! [ Blathering ] 473 00:27:32,317 --> 00:27:34,451 SEE, I WANTED TO SEE IF HE'D EATEN THE LAST NILLA WAFER... 474 00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:36,520 'CAUSE I TOLD HIM I WANTED IT. 475 00:27:36,588 --> 00:27:39,356 BOY, I TELL YA, THAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS. PAY ATTENTION TO ME! 476 00:27:39,425 --> 00:27:41,558 I'M TRYING TO RUIN YOU! 477 00:27:41,627 --> 00:27:43,794 [ Door Opens ] YOU WANTED TO SEE ME, SIR? 478 00:27:43,863 --> 00:27:47,697 YOU'RE FIRED, TOM. TURN IN YOUR PRESS PASS AND ANY OTHER STUDIO PROPERTY. 479 00:27:53,939 --> 00:27:56,073 WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE? 480 00:27:56,141 --> 00:27:58,875 SO, YOU LIKE BEING DRUNK? FINE. I'M GONNA GET YOU SO DRUNK... 481 00:27:58,944 --> 00:28:00,944 YOU'LL NEVER WANNA DRINK AGAIN. 482 00:28:01,012 --> 00:28:03,781 COME ON. 483 00:28:14,426 --> 00:28:17,127 COLD. IT'S SO COLD. 484 00:28:18,497 --> 00:28:20,697 THANKS, HORACE. HEY, IS HE 18? 485 00:28:20,765 --> 00:28:23,700 HORACE, THE DRINKING AGE IS 21. OH. 486 00:28:23,769 --> 00:28:26,603 O-OKAY. UH, UH... 487 00:28:26,671 --> 00:28:28,705 TO THE BLACK MAN. 488 00:28:28,774 --> 00:28:31,474 THANKS FOR TAKING IT ALL IN STRIDE. 489 00:28:36,414 --> 00:28:40,717 ♪ 'CAUSE SUICIDE IS PAINLESS ♪ 490 00:28:40,786 --> 00:28:45,088 ♪ IT BRINGS ON MANY CHANGES ♪ 491 00:28:45,157 --> 00:28:48,291 ♪ AND I CAN TAKE OR LEAVE IT ♪ 492 00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:52,095 ♪ IF I PLEASE ♪♪ 493 00:28:53,098 --> 00:28:55,065 WAS THAT-- WAS THAT GOOD? 494 00:28:55,134 --> 00:28:57,500 OH, GOD. THANK YOU, MAN. 495 00:28:57,569 --> 00:28:59,570 G-GET THE FRUIT. THERE'S MORE POINTS. 496 00:28:59,638 --> 00:29:02,005 GET-- GET THE-- GET THE FRUIT. I'M NOT GONNA GET THE FRUIT. 497 00:29:02,074 --> 00:29:04,007 GET THE FRUIT. I CAN'T GET THE FRUIT. 498 00:29:04,076 --> 00:29:06,743 I'M NOT GONNA GET THE FRUIT! THERE'S A GHOST RIGHT THERE! 499 00:29:08,713 --> 00:29:11,047 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SAVED ALL THOSE. 500 00:29:11,116 --> 00:29:14,751 L-LOIS-- L-LOIS-- YOU THINK LOIS'LL LIKE THESE? 501 00:29:14,819 --> 00:29:17,487 YOU LOVE LOIS! SHUT UP! 502 00:29:17,556 --> 00:29:19,889 YOU KNOW WHAT? GIVE ME YOUR KEYS. 503 00:29:19,958 --> 00:29:22,692 OH, NO. I'M FINE. NO, NO. GIVE ME YOUR KEYS. 504 00:29:22,761 --> 00:29:24,761 I'M FI-- I'M DRIVIN'. 505 00:29:24,829 --> 00:29:26,829 GIVE ME YOUR KEYS. YOU'RE TOO DRUNK. I'M OKAY. 506 00:29:26,898 --> 00:29:30,667 PETER-- MEG-- BRIAN. YOU'RE TOO-- BRIAN, YOU'RE TOO DRUNK TO DRIVE. 507 00:29:30,735 --> 00:29:33,903 I-I-I A-AM-- I-- 508 00:29:33,972 --> 00:29:36,272 YOU'RE RIGHT. HERE. HERE YOU GO. 509 00:29:39,611 --> 00:29:42,245 [ Engine Starts ] [ Screaming ] 510 00:29:43,649 --> 00:29:45,782 SHH! 511 00:29:45,851 --> 00:29:50,554 AND THAT'S IT FOR SPORTS. NOW LET'S GO TO OLLIE WILLIAMS WITH ADOPT-A-PET OF THE WEEK. 512 00:29:50,622 --> 00:29:52,622 - WHO WANTS THIS DOG? - THANKS, OLLIE. 513 00:29:52,691 --> 00:29:56,259 AND NOW LET'S GO TO PETER GRIFFIN WITH "YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY--" 514 00:29:56,328 --> 00:29:58,862 TOM! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU DON'T WORK HERE ANYMORE. 515 00:29:58,930 --> 00:30:01,265 WELL, DIANE, I HAVE AN EXCLUSIVE STORY-- 516 00:30:01,333 --> 00:30:03,567 AND I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO CHECK MY E-MAIL FROM HOME. 517 00:30:03,636 --> 00:30:05,935 DID YOU CHECK YOUR TCP/IP SETTINGS? YES, I DID, OLLIE. 518 00:30:06,004 --> 00:30:08,004 ENABLE COOKIES? YES, OLLIE. 519 00:30:08,073 --> 00:30:10,140 YOU WANT THIS DOG? NO, THANK YOU, OLLIE. ROLL TAPE. 520 00:30:10,208 --> 00:30:12,709 [ Tom ] THIS WAS THE SCENE AT THE DRUNKEN CLAM LAST NIGHT, 521 00:30:12,777 --> 00:30:14,777 AS A CAR DRIVEN BY AN INTOXICATED INFANT... 522 00:30:14,846 --> 00:30:16,847 CAUSED THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS-WORTH OF DAMAGE. 523 00:30:16,916 --> 00:30:19,082 PUT TH-- PUT THIS ON MY TAB. 524 00:30:19,151 --> 00:30:21,585 IT WAS-- IT WAS, LIKE, ALL SLOWED DOWN. 525 00:30:21,653 --> 00:30:25,054 YOU KNOW? AND I WAS, LIKE, "WHOA!" BUT I COULDN'T STOP IT. 526 00:30:25,123 --> 00:30:27,124 AND WHO IS THE FATHER OF THE CHILD IN THAT CAR? 527 00:30:27,192 --> 00:30:29,125 OOH! TOM! TOM! I KNOW THIS. I KNOW THIS. 528 00:30:29,194 --> 00:30:31,428 TOM, OVER HERE. TOM! OOH! OOH! 529 00:30:31,496 --> 00:30:35,732 THE MAN YOU ALL RESPECT SO MUCH. YOUR BELOVED PETER GRIFFIN. 530 00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:38,201 GOOD THING HE DIDN'T CALL ON ME. I WAS GONNA SAY "GRANT GOODEVE." 531 00:30:38,270 --> 00:30:42,539 THANKS, TOM. AND NOW, NEGLECTFUL FATHER AND QUAHOG'S NEWEST SOCIAL PARIAH, 532 00:30:42,608 --> 00:30:44,874 PETER GRIFFIN, WITH ANOTHER SEGMENT OF "GRIND MY GEARS." 533 00:30:44,943 --> 00:30:47,010 - PETER. - THANK YOU, DIANE. 534 00:30:47,078 --> 00:30:50,980 YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS? PEOPLE IN THE 19th CENTURY. 535 00:30:51,049 --> 00:30:53,516 WHY DON'T THEY GET WITH THE FREAKIN' PROGRAM? 536 00:30:53,585 --> 00:30:57,553 IT'S CALLED AN AUTOMOBILE, FOLKS. IT'S MUCH FASTER THAN A HORSE. 537 00:30:58,757 --> 00:31:01,491 OH. WELL, IT APPEARS I'VE BEEN FIRED. 538 00:31:01,559 --> 00:31:04,694 WELL, AS LONG AS I'M NO LONGER WORKING HERE, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHIN'. 539 00:31:04,763 --> 00:31:08,264 YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS? YOU, AMERICA. 540 00:31:08,333 --> 00:31:10,767 DARN YOU! DIANE. 541 00:31:12,003 --> 00:31:15,037 HEY, TOM. CATCH! 542 00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:24,680 DID YOU MISS DADDY? DID YOU MISS DADDY? 543 00:31:24,749 --> 00:31:27,718 OH, NO. IT'S ALL RIGHT. IT'S-- OH, YOU'RE SHAKING. 544 00:31:33,825 --> 00:31:36,559 GO AWAY. HUH. LITTLE HUNG OVER? 545 00:31:36,628 --> 00:31:39,229 I AM NEVER GOING TO DRINK AGAIN-- EVER. 546 00:31:39,298 --> 00:31:41,865 I MAY HAVE AN OCCASIONAL CRÈME DE MENTHE, BUT THAT'S ABOUT IT. 547 00:31:41,934 --> 00:31:44,367 LOOK, KID, YOU CAN'T STAY IN BED ALL-- OH, GOD! YOU'RE NUDE! 548 00:31:44,436 --> 00:31:46,436 I AM? WHAT HAPPENED TO MY CLOTHES? 549 00:31:46,505 --> 00:31:49,906 GOOD LORD! WHAT THE HELL DID I DO LAST NIGHT? 550 00:31:49,975 --> 00:31:53,076 I HOPE YOU LEARNED SOMETHING FROM ALL THIS. I CERTAINLY DID, BRIAN. 551 00:31:53,145 --> 00:31:55,145 IT SEEMS I'M STILL FINDING MYSELF. 552 00:31:55,213 --> 00:31:58,348 WELL, THAT'S JUST LIFE, STEWIE. YOU GOTTA HELP YOURSELF. NO ONE'S GONNA DO IT FOR YA. 553 00:31:58,417 --> 00:32:00,484 YES, I SUPPOSE YOU'RE RIGHT. 554 00:32:00,552 --> 00:32:03,152 IT'S JUST TOO BAD THERE'S NOT SOMEONE OUT THERE JUST LIKE ME... 555 00:32:03,221 --> 00:32:05,589 WHO UNDERSTANDS ME WELL ENOUGH TO SHOW ME THE WAY. 556 00:32:05,657 --> 00:32:08,691 [ Scoffing ] YEAH. STEWIE, I'M SURE THERE'S SOMEONE OUT THERE JUST LIKE YOU. 557 00:32:12,698 --> 00:32:15,365 YES, I'VE RESERVED A NON-SMOKING ROOM WITH A VIEW OF THE BAY. 558 00:32:15,434 --> 00:32:18,701 NO SOAP IN THE BATHROOM, JUST MOIST TOWELETTES AND A SLEEP MASK. 559 00:32:18,770 --> 00:32:22,939 AND, UM, COULD YOU SEND UP A BOUQUET OF ORCHIDS AND A BOX OF TOFFIFAY? 560 00:32:23,008 --> 00:32:25,074 BUT, FOR THE MOMENT, I'VE JUST GOT TO ACCEPT THE FACT... 561 00:32:25,143 --> 00:32:27,644 THAT I'M AN ANGRY BOY WHO'LL OCCASIONALLY TRY TO BURN DOWN A HOUSE... 562 00:32:27,713 --> 00:32:29,913 OR TOSS A POISON DART AT HIS MOTHER. 563 00:32:29,982 --> 00:32:33,249 AFTER ALL, I CAN'T LET ONE NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE CHANGE MY WHOLE LIFE, CAN I? 564 00:32:33,318 --> 00:32:35,419 I'M GLAD YOU FINALLY FIGURED THAT OUT. 565 00:32:35,487 --> 00:32:37,754 ALTHOUGH, I WILL SAY, FOR THE RECORD, YOU'RE A PRETTY FUN DRUNK. 566 00:32:37,823 --> 00:32:40,757 WELL, THANK GOD THERE WERE NO LONG-TERM REPERCUSSIONS. 567 00:32:43,896 --> 00:32:46,896 OH! GOT TO PLAY THIS ONE RIGHT, ROGER. CAN'T SEEM DESPERATE. 568 00:32:46,965 --> 00:32:49,132 WAIT THREE DAYS-- THAT'S THE RULE. 569 00:32:50,736 --> 00:32:53,002 OH, GOD! I WANNA TALK TO HIM NOW! 570 00:32:54,606 --> 00:32:56,639 [ Line Ringing ] DAMN! 571 00:33:02,214 --> 00:33:04,948 WOW! THIS MUST BE ONE OF THEM NEW PLASMA TV's. 572 00:33:05,017 --> 00:33:07,384 WOULD YOU LIKE SOMETHING TO DRINK? I'LL HAVE WATER, PLEASE. 573 00:33:07,453 --> 00:33:09,453 I'LL HAVE WATER TOO, BUT WITH LEMON. 574 00:33:09,521 --> 00:33:12,389 I'LL HAVE A SAM ADAMS. IT'S 9:30 IN THE MORNING. 575 00:33:12,457 --> 00:33:14,724 AND DON'T YOU HAVE AN OUTSTANDING D.U.I.? 576 00:33:14,793 --> 00:33:17,994 YEAH, BUT I'VE GOTTA GET THE TASTE OF WEED AND HOOKER SPIT OUT OF MY MOUTH. 577 00:33:18,063 --> 00:33:20,130 I'LL HAVE A SAM ADAMS TOO. 578 00:33:20,199 --> 00:33:23,266 SAMUEL ADAMS-- ALWAYS A GOOD DECISION. 579 00:33:23,335 --> 00:33:26,203 OKAY, NOW, IF I GET A FAX, CAN I STAY ONLINE AND STILL RECEIVED THE FAX... 580 00:33:26,271 --> 00:33:28,271 WITHOUT A DEDICATED LINE? 581 00:33:28,340 --> 00:33:32,408 YEAH, YOU CAN PUT A PIECE OF PAPER IN HERE AND MAKE, LIKE, A PHONE CALL... 582 00:33:32,477 --> 00:33:36,613 AND YOUR FRIEND WILL GET ANOTHER PIECE OF PAPER WITH THE SAME PICTURE. 583 00:33:36,681 --> 00:33:40,216 CAN I POSSIBLY SPEAK TO SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T COME TO THIS COUNTRY ON A FLOATING DOOR? 584 00:33:40,285 --> 00:33:43,386 CAN I HELP YOU? YES. WE'RE HERE TO REPLACE OUR VCR. 585 00:33:43,455 --> 00:33:46,289 YEAH, DON'T TRY ANY OF YOUR SALESMAN FUNNY BUSINESS, 586 00:33:46,358 --> 00:33:48,959 LIKE THAT GUY WHO CONVINCED ME TO BUY THAT PET TYRANNOSAURUS. 587 00:33:49,027 --> 00:33:51,161 OKAY, PATCHES, NOW FETCH! 588 00:33:51,230 --> 00:33:53,229 [ Growling ] [ Screaming ] 589 00:33:53,298 --> 00:33:56,800 OH! OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! DROP IT. DROP IT. DROP IT. 590 00:33:56,868 --> 00:33:59,336 EW. IT'S GOT SPIT ALL OVER IT. 591 00:33:59,404 --> 00:34:02,005 A VCR? LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING. 592 00:34:02,074 --> 00:34:04,074 IT'S CALLED TiVo. IT ALWAYS RECORDS WHAT YOUR WATCHING, 593 00:34:04,143 --> 00:34:06,143 SO, YOU CAN RE-WATCH ANYTHING YOU MISSED. 594 00:34:06,211 --> 00:34:08,644 OH! SOUNDS FANCY. HOW DOES IT WORK? 595 00:34:08,713 --> 00:34:11,181 I'LL TELL YA HOW IT WORKS. EASY AS PIE, IS HOW IT WORKS. 596 00:34:11,249 --> 00:34:13,249 [ Beeping ] 597 00:34:13,318 --> 00:34:15,619 I'LL TELL YA HOW IT WORKS. EASY AS PIE, IS HOW IT WORKS. 598 00:34:15,687 --> 00:34:17,687 SHOULD I RING IT UP? HOLD ON. HOLD ON. 599 00:34:17,756 --> 00:34:19,756 I THINK WE SHOULD DISCUSS IT FIRST. 600 00:34:19,825 --> 00:34:22,058 - [ Beeping ] - [ No Audio ] 601 00:34:22,127 --> 00:34:24,427 - [ Beeping Continues ] - SOME KIND OF PALSY. 602 00:34:24,496 --> 00:34:26,496 ANYWAY, THAT'S HOW I SAVED CHRISTMAS. 603 00:34:26,565 --> 00:34:28,631 YEAH, GO AHEAD AND BAG THIS THING FOR US. 604 00:34:32,971 --> 00:34:36,006 AH! SWEET, QUAGMIRE. YOU GOT A WINNEBAGO. 605 00:34:36,074 --> 00:34:38,341 YOU MEAN A "WANNA-BANG-O"! 606 00:34:38,409 --> 00:34:40,410 [ Chuckles ] HOW CLEVER. 607 00:34:40,479 --> 00:34:42,478 YEAH, I'M GONNA TAKE HER ACROSS THE COUNTRY... 608 00:34:42,547 --> 00:34:44,547 AND BANG A DIFFERENT BROAD IN EVERY STATE. [ Laughs ] 609 00:34:44,616 --> 00:34:46,882 - ALSO, GONNA GO TO VEGAS. - OH, WE WENT TO VEGAS ONCE. 610 00:34:46,951 --> 00:34:48,952 REMEMBER, LOIS? WE SAW THE JEW MAN GROUP? 611 00:34:49,020 --> 00:34:53,122 ♪♪ [ "Hava Nagila" ] 612 00:34:53,191 --> 00:34:55,224 [ Beeping ] DAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 613 00:34:55,293 --> 00:34:58,028 I'M FAST-FORWARDING THROUGH THIS PESKY TV SHOW SO I CAN GET TO THE COMMERCIALS. 614 00:34:58,096 --> 00:35:00,864 HI, I'M WILFORD BRIMLEY AND I HAVE DIABETES. 615 00:35:00,933 --> 00:35:04,400 IT HURTS ME TO PEE AND IT CAUSES ME TO BE SHORT WITH MY FAMILY. 616 00:35:04,469 --> 00:35:06,536 I CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT. 617 00:35:06,605 --> 00:35:09,305 THE OTHER DAY, I STUBBED MY TOE AND TOOK IT OUT ON THE DOG. 618 00:35:09,374 --> 00:35:13,243 TWO WEEKS AGO, I RAN OUT OF VANILLA ICE CREAM AND STRUCK MY WIFE. 619 00:35:13,311 --> 00:35:16,112 THEN I FIND OUT MY WIFE'S BEEN DEAD FOR SIX YEARS. 620 00:35:16,181 --> 00:35:18,248 WHO THE HELL DID I HIT? 621 00:35:21,052 --> 00:35:24,320 LUNCH IS READY! COME AND GET IT! 622 00:35:24,389 --> 00:35:26,590 HEY, WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS, BOOGERS ON A BISCUIT? 623 00:35:26,658 --> 00:35:30,226 [ Laughs ] THAT'S PROB-- THAT'S PROBABLY WHAT IT IS. 624 00:35:30,295 --> 00:35:32,495 WE NOW GO LIVE TO THE STREETS OF SAN FRANCISCO... 625 00:35:32,563 --> 00:35:34,931 WITH ASIAN REPORTER TRICIA TAKANAWA. 626 00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:37,934 DIANE, IS SHE CHINESE OR JAPANESE? SHE'S JAPANESE, TOM. 627 00:35:38,003 --> 00:35:40,169 WOW. I KNOW A JAPANESE WOMAN. 628 00:35:40,238 --> 00:35:42,972 TOM, I'M STANDING HERE AMIDST THE HEATED DEBATE... 629 00:35:43,041 --> 00:35:45,709 OVER A RECENT PETITION TO CHANGE THE NAME OF THE CITY... 630 00:35:45,777 --> 00:35:49,812 FROM SAN FRANCISCO TO SOMETHING A LITTLE LESS GAY. 631 00:35:49,881 --> 00:35:53,583 EXCUSE ME, SIR. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO RENAME SAN FRANCISCO? 632 00:35:53,652 --> 00:35:57,386 WELL, GIVEN THE WONDERFUL SHOE SHOPPING, I WOULD CAST MY VOTE FOR "HEAVEN." 633 00:35:57,455 --> 00:35:59,388 WHO THE HELL WAS THAT? WHAT? 634 00:35:59,458 --> 00:36:01,757 I SAY, PRESS THE BUTTON. MAKE IT STOP. OH, MY GOD. 635 00:36:01,826 --> 00:36:04,561 - HE LOOKS JUST LIKE ME. - YOU KNOW WHAT? HE DOES. 636 00:36:04,629 --> 00:36:08,264 - ALMOST LOOKS LIKE HE COULD BE YOUR FATHER. - HE COULD BE MY FATHER. 637 00:36:08,333 --> 00:36:10,467 MY REAL FATHER. I KNEW IT! 638 00:36:10,535 --> 00:36:13,169 LOIS MUST HAVE MATED WITH THIS POOR FELLOW. 639 00:36:13,238 --> 00:36:15,171 I'VE GOT TO GET OUT TO CALIFORNIA. 640 00:36:15,240 --> 00:36:17,607 I DARE SAY, I'D FIT RIGHT IN WITH THE KIDS FROM 90210-- 641 00:36:17,675 --> 00:36:19,842 EVEN THE OLDER-LOOKING ONE. 642 00:36:21,246 --> 00:36:23,479 BOY, THAT TEST SURE IS GONNA BE HARD TOMORROW. 643 00:36:23,548 --> 00:36:26,348 YOU SAID IT, DONNA. HEY, ANDREA, CAN YOU HELP ME STUDY? 644 00:36:26,417 --> 00:36:29,052 WHAT? I SAID, "CAN YOU HELP ME STUDY?" 645 00:36:29,120 --> 00:36:31,488 DYLAN, I FIXED YOUR SOCKS. 646 00:36:31,557 --> 00:36:33,890 HEY, ANDREA, ARE WE STILL GOIN' TO THE CONCERT? 647 00:36:33,959 --> 00:36:38,995 THIS USED TO BE ALL ORANGE GROVES, FAR AS THE EYE COULD SEE. 648 00:36:39,063 --> 00:36:41,064 OKAY. SO, I'LL PICK YOU UP AT 7:00. 649 00:36:41,132 --> 00:36:45,901 BARBARA STANWYCK AND I USED TO TAKE THE TROLLEY. 650 00:36:45,970 --> 00:36:49,105 HEY, LOIS! THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE IN THE MOOD FOR A CLASSIC. 651 00:36:49,174 --> 00:36:53,576 ♪ NA-NA, NA-NA, NA-NA, NA-NA NA-NA, NA-NA, NA-NA, NA-NA SPIDER-MAN ♪ 652 00:36:53,645 --> 00:36:55,845 ♪ SPIDER-MAN ♪ 653 00:36:55,914 --> 00:36:58,315 ♪ HERE COMES PETER ON THE CLOTHESLINE BUT HIS NAME'S NOT PETER ♪ 654 00:36:58,383 --> 00:37:00,783 ♪ IT IS SPIDER-MAN SPIDER-MAN ♪ 655 00:37:00,852 --> 00:37:03,420 ♪ COME ON, LOIS LET'S GET BUSY, MAYBE IN THE GARDEN RIGHT HERE ♪ 656 00:37:03,488 --> 00:37:06,355 ♪ SPIDER-MAN SPIDER-MAN ♪ 657 00:37:06,425 --> 00:37:09,125 ♪ TOUCH MY CAN WITH YOUR HAND SPIDER-MAN ♪ 658 00:37:09,193 --> 00:37:12,161 [ Laughs ] OH! HELP! SPIDER-MAN. 659 00:37:12,230 --> 00:37:14,497 I'M BEING ATTACKED BY THE EVIL ROSEBUSH. 660 00:37:14,565 --> 00:37:16,566 AH! I'LL SAVE YOU, MARY JANE! 661 00:37:16,635 --> 00:37:20,236 [ Both Giggling, Moaning ] 662 00:37:20,305 --> 00:37:22,739 OH, MY GOD! I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE FIGHTING ABOUT, 663 00:37:22,808 --> 00:37:24,974 BUT I THINK DAD'S WINNING. 664 00:37:25,043 --> 00:37:27,844 GO, DAD! KIDS, CAN WE HAVE SOME PRIVACY, PLEASE? 665 00:37:27,913 --> 00:37:31,280 YEAH, YOU GUYS ARE MORE ANNOYING THAN THAT ANNOUNCER ON THOSE TV COMMERCIALS. 666 00:37:31,349 --> 00:37:33,516 [ Announcer ] WACKY, WAVING, INFLATABLE-ARM-FLAILING TUBE MAN! 667 00:37:33,585 --> 00:37:35,885 WACKY, WAVING, INFLATABLE-ARM-FLAILING TUBE MAN! 668 00:37:35,954 --> 00:37:37,954 WACKY, WAVING, INFLATABLE-ARM-FLAILING TUBE MAN! 669 00:37:38,023 --> 00:37:40,856 HI, I'M AL HARRINGTON, PRESIDENT AND C.E.O. OF AL HARRINGTON'S... 670 00:37:40,926 --> 00:37:44,494 WACKY, WAVING, INFLATABLE-ARM-FLAILING TUBE MAN EMPORIUM AND WAREHOUSE. 671 00:37:44,563 --> 00:37:47,130 THANKS TO A SHIPPING ERROR, I AM NOW CURRENTLY OVERSTOCKED... 672 00:37:47,199 --> 00:37:49,666 ON WACKY, WAVING INFLATABLE-ARM-FLAILING TUBE MEN... 673 00:37:49,735 --> 00:37:52,334 AND I AM PASSING THE SAVINGS ON TO YOU! 674 00:37:52,403 --> 00:37:55,572 ATTRACT CUSTOMERS TO YOUR BUSINESS, MAKE A SPLASH AT YOUR NEXT PRESENTATION, 675 00:37:55,641 --> 00:37:58,741 KEEP GRANDMA COMPANY, PROTECT YOUR CROPS, CONFUSE YOUR NEIGHBORS. 676 00:37:58,810 --> 00:38:03,145 AFRICAN-AMERICAN? HAIL A CAB, TESTIFY IN CHURCH OR JUST RAISE THE ROOF. 677 00:38:03,214 --> 00:38:06,516 WHATEVER YOUR WACKY, WAVING INFLATABLE-ARM-FLAILING TUBE MAN NEEDS ARE. 678 00:38:06,584 --> 00:38:08,618 SO, COME ON DOWN TO AL HARRINGTON'S... 679 00:38:08,686 --> 00:38:11,153 WACKY, WAVING INFLATABLE-ARM-FLAILING TUBE MAN EMPORIUM AND WAREHOUSE. 680 00:38:11,222 --> 00:38:13,690 ROUTE 2 IN WEEKAPAUG! 681 00:38:16,494 --> 00:38:19,462 PLEASE FORGIVE ME, MR. OINKBAUM. YOU WILL BE MISSED. 682 00:38:19,531 --> 00:38:21,530 THERE WE ARE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 683 00:38:21,599 --> 00:38:23,566 NONE OF YOUR BEES WAX, RAMONA. 684 00:38:23,635 --> 00:38:26,769 BUT IF YOU MUST KNOW, I NEED A PLANE TICKET TO SAN FRANCISCO. 685 00:38:26,838 --> 00:38:29,205 [ Scoffs ] GOOD LUCK. PLANE TICKETS ARE ABOUT 450 BUCKS. 686 00:38:29,274 --> 00:38:31,807 400-- BRIAN, HIT ME IN THE MOUTH. 687 00:38:31,876 --> 00:38:34,544 WHAT? WHY? I HEAR THIS TOOTH FAIRY GIVES YOU MONEY FOR YOUR TEETH. 688 00:38:34,612 --> 00:38:36,645 HAVE AT IT. UH, OKAY. 689 00:38:36,715 --> 00:38:38,714 NO, NO! DON'T, DON'T, DON'T! STOP. STOP. 690 00:38:38,783 --> 00:38:40,783 WHY DID YOU STOP? I SAID, "HIT ME." YOU FLINCHED. 691 00:38:40,851 --> 00:38:42,886 WELL, OF COURSE I FLINCHED. YOU WERE GOING TO HIT ME. 692 00:38:42,954 --> 00:38:45,220 WELL, MAKE UP YOUR MIND. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? HIT ME. [ Screams ] 693 00:38:45,289 --> 00:38:47,289 NO, NO. D-DON'T. [ Sighs ] 694 00:38:47,358 --> 00:38:49,625 I'M SORRY. LOOK, I KNOW I'M BEING HARD TO READ-- 695 00:38:57,469 --> 00:39:00,303 HEY! YOU THERE! BUY THIS YELLOW DRINK. 696 00:39:00,371 --> 00:39:03,940 HEY, PREGGO. PREGGO. HEY, I'M TALKIN' TO YOU, TUBBY. 697 00:39:04,008 --> 00:39:06,476 OH, DON'T YOU IGNORE ME. OOH! 698 00:39:06,545 --> 00:39:09,545 PARDON ME, SIR. SIR? SIR? OH, THE HELL WITH THIS. 699 00:39:10,848 --> 00:39:13,115 [ Groaning ] 700 00:39:13,184 --> 00:39:16,052 SO, WE HAD TO DO IT THE HARD WAY, HMM? 701 00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:19,622 SIX BUCKS? NICE-LOOKING WIFE YOU'VE GOT. 702 00:39:19,690 --> 00:39:22,091 MAYBE I'LL LOOK HER UP WHILE YOU'RE IN THE HOSPITAL. 703 00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:24,727 DON'T FORGET YOUR LEMONADE. 704 00:39:28,066 --> 00:39:30,199 OH, THERE YOU ARE. I THOUGHT YOU SHOULD-- 705 00:39:30,268 --> 00:39:32,368 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? PAYING BILLS. 706 00:39:32,437 --> 00:39:34,904 WHAT BILLS? YOU HAVE BILLS? WELL, THERE'S CABLE AND-- 707 00:39:34,972 --> 00:39:38,574 PETER PAYS FOR THE CABLE! IT'S AT THIS, UH-- IT'S AT THIS GIRL'S HOUSE. 708 00:39:38,643 --> 00:39:41,377 - DO YOU WANT SOMETHING? - YES. I'M STILL SHORT FOR MY TRIP. 709 00:39:41,446 --> 00:39:45,114 I'VE ONLY GOT $200. I SUGGEST YOU PONY UP THE DIFFERENCE IMMEDIATELY... 710 00:39:45,183 --> 00:39:48,251 OR I'LL E-MAIL THE CONTENTS OF YOUR HARD DRIVE TO THE F.B.I. 711 00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:50,386 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? THERE'S NOTHING ON THERE. 712 00:39:54,325 --> 00:39:57,326 STEWIE, WHY IS IT SO HARD TO ACCEPT THAT PETER'S YOUR REAL FATHER? 713 00:39:57,395 --> 00:39:59,428 BECAUSE HE'S AN IDIOT. 714 00:39:59,497 --> 00:40:01,498 YOU REMEMBER THAT TIME HE WENT TO THE TODAY SHOW. 715 00:40:01,566 --> 00:40:04,500 COMING UP ON TODAY. TOM CRUISE HAS A NEW MOVIE. WE'RE GONNA BE TALKING TO HIM. 716 00:40:04,569 --> 00:40:06,502 KATIE. 717 00:40:06,571 --> 00:40:09,506 FUNNYMAN AL FRANKEN WILL BE STOPPING BY FOR A VISIT. KATIE! 718 00:40:09,574 --> 00:40:12,509 AND WOLFGANG PUCK SHARES HIS RECIPE FOR APPLE STRUDEL. KATIE! 719 00:40:12,577 --> 00:40:16,579 SO STAY TUNED BECAUSE WE'VE GOT ALL THIS AND MORE COMING UP IN THE NEXT HOUR. 720 00:40:16,647 --> 00:40:18,581 KATIE! 721 00:40:18,649 --> 00:40:20,649 WHAT? OH, WELL, NEVER MIND. 722 00:40:23,221 --> 00:40:25,988 CARE TO JOIN ME, LOIS? AH! 723 00:40:26,057 --> 00:40:29,825 [ Giggles ] UH, PETER, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO-- 724 00:40:29,894 --> 00:40:34,430 - OH, OH, OH. SORRY. SORRY. WHERE ARE MY MANNERS? - OH, WHAT A GENTLEMAN. 725 00:40:36,434 --> 00:40:38,701 - THERE YA GO. - [ Groans ] 726 00:40:38,770 --> 00:40:42,204 OH! OH, GOD. YOU OKAY, HONEY? YEAH, I'M ALL RIGHT. 727 00:40:42,273 --> 00:40:44,507 OH, THIS IS NICE. 728 00:40:44,576 --> 00:40:49,445 MOM, MEG SAYS OMAR SHARIF IS DEAD, BUT I THINK SHE'S THINKIN' OF ANTHONY QUINN. 729 00:40:49,514 --> 00:40:51,848 CHRIS, YOUR FATHER AND I ARE IN THE TUB. 730 00:40:51,916 --> 00:40:54,550 AND, MEG, YOU ARE THINKING OF ANTHONY QUINN. NOW, GET OUT! 731 00:40:54,619 --> 00:40:57,854 PETER, THIS IS RIDICULOUS. WE HAVE NO PRIVACY HERE. 732 00:40:57,922 --> 00:41:00,323 WE GOTTA GET THOSE KIDS OUTTA THE HOUSE ONCE IN A WHILE. 733 00:41:00,391 --> 00:41:03,325 - SHOULDN'T THEY BE DATING? - AW, THAT DOESN'T SOLVE THE PROBLEM, LOIS. 734 00:41:03,394 --> 00:41:06,562 IF THEY START DATIN', I MEAN, THEIR ROOMS ARE RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER. 735 00:41:06,630 --> 00:41:09,164 THEY'LL START HAVIN' SEX. WE'LL NEVER GET 'EM OUTTA THE HOUSE. 736 00:41:09,233 --> 00:41:12,836 NO, NO, YOU IDIOT. I'M TALKING ABOUT THEM DATING OTHER PEOPLE. 737 00:41:12,904 --> 00:41:15,271 LOOK, I'M GONNA START SPENDING SOME TIME WITH CHRIS... 738 00:41:15,339 --> 00:41:17,640 AND I'LL SHOW HIM HOW TO ATTRACT A WOMAN. 739 00:41:17,709 --> 00:41:19,875 YEAH, AND I'LL SPEND SOME TIME WITH MEG. 740 00:41:19,944 --> 00:41:22,078 I'VE SPENT LOTS OF TIME WITH HER, 741 00:41:22,146 --> 00:41:24,447 LIKE WHEN WE WENT ON OUR LAST CRUSADE TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL. 742 00:41:24,516 --> 00:41:27,817 CHOOSE WISELY. UH, I CHOOSE THIS ONE. 743 00:41:27,885 --> 00:41:30,018 HOW DID YOU KNOW? WELL, I KINDA FIGURED... 744 00:41:30,087 --> 00:41:32,087 THE COFFEE MUG THAT SAYS "JESUS." 745 00:41:32,156 --> 00:41:34,724 OH, RIGHT. RIGHT. PRETTY OBVIOUS. 746 00:41:34,793 --> 00:41:36,792 GREAT. LET'S KISS ON IT. 747 00:41:36,861 --> 00:41:39,262 COME HERE, YOU. [ Chuckles ] 748 00:41:39,330 --> 00:41:41,931 [ Grunting ] 749 00:41:41,999 --> 00:41:45,301 [ Screams ] OH! YOU BLEEDIN'? YEAH, YOU'RE BLEEDIN'. 750 00:41:47,405 --> 00:41:49,405 DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE GOIN' TO CALIFORNIA ON THAT. 751 00:41:49,473 --> 00:41:51,907 BICYCLING IS HARD, BUT IT HAS ITS BENEFITS. 752 00:41:51,976 --> 00:41:55,545 DID YOU KNOW LANCE ARMSTRONG IS DATING SHERYL CROW? 753 00:41:55,613 --> 00:41:58,548 YOU KNOW, IT REALLY SPEAKS TO HER CHARACTER THAT SHE CAN GET PAST... 754 00:41:58,616 --> 00:42:00,616 THE WHOLE "HE HAD CANCER" THING... 755 00:42:00,685 --> 00:42:02,819 AND STILL FIND HIM SEXUALLY ATTRACTIVE. 756 00:42:02,887 --> 00:42:05,321 REALLY SPEAKS TO HER CHARACTER. I-I RESPECT THAT. 757 00:42:05,390 --> 00:42:07,456 HEY, BRIAN, WHAT DO YA THINK OF MY SIGN? 758 00:42:07,526 --> 00:42:11,394 "QUAGMIRE'S CROSS-COUNTRY TOUR." UH, ISN'T THERE AN "O" IN "COUNTRY"? 759 00:42:11,462 --> 00:42:14,797 NOPE. LOOK OUT, CALIFORNIA. HERE I COME. [ Chuckles ] 760 00:42:14,866 --> 00:42:16,932 [ Gasps ] CALIFORNIA! 761 00:42:17,001 --> 00:42:19,068 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WELL, YOU HEARD CAPTAIN SYPHILIS. 762 00:42:19,137 --> 00:42:22,438 WE'RE GOING TO CALIFORNIA. OH, COME ON. YOU CAN'T GO ALONE WITH QUAGMIRE. 763 00:42:22,507 --> 00:42:26,876 LOOK, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. IF YOU'RE SERIOUS ABOUT THIS, [ Sighs ] I'LL GO WITH YOU. 764 00:42:26,944 --> 00:42:29,011 ALTHOUGH I SHOULD PROBABLY ASK PETER AND LOIS IF IT'S OKAY. 765 00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:31,847 - OH, THEY WON'T EVEN KNOW WE'RE GONE. - [ Beeping ] 766 00:42:31,916 --> 00:42:34,684 [ Mechanically ] DAMN YOU, VILE WOMAN! BLAST! WHAT THE DEUCE? 767 00:42:34,753 --> 00:42:37,419 I AM A TOOL. STEWIE IS MUCH BETTER THAN ME AT EVERYTHING, 768 00:42:37,488 --> 00:42:39,555 INCLUDING ARTS AND CRAFTS AND THE GUITAR. 769 00:42:39,624 --> 00:42:41,690 I HAVE NO FRIENDS. 770 00:42:41,759 --> 00:42:45,427 - GLAD YOU GUYS ARE JOININ' ME. - [ Stewie ] DID YOU GUYS SEE THREE MEN AND A BABY? 771 00:42:45,496 --> 00:42:48,598 [ Brian ] YEAH. [ Stewie ] THERE'S A GHOST IN THERE BEHIND THE WINDOW. 772 00:42:48,666 --> 00:42:50,800 [ Brian ] THAT'S AN URBAN LEGEND. IT'S JUST A PIECE OF CARDBOARD. 773 00:42:50,868 --> 00:42:53,903 NO, IT'S A GHOST. I HEARD. YOU HEARD FROM WHO? 774 00:42:53,972 --> 00:42:56,005 FROM, UH... LOIS. YEAH, RIGHT. 775 00:42:56,074 --> 00:42:58,074 CLEVELAND? DEATH? NO. NO. 776 00:42:58,142 --> 00:43:00,209 GREASED-UP DEAF GUY? HE SAID THAT? 777 00:43:04,682 --> 00:43:06,949 [ Quagmire Moaning, Blathering ] 778 00:43:07,018 --> 00:43:09,418 YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. [ Blathers ] [ Woman Moans ] 779 00:43:09,487 --> 00:43:11,721 [ Both Giggling ] 780 00:43:11,789 --> 00:43:13,889 OW! DAMN IT! 781 00:43:13,957 --> 00:43:16,157 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOUR KNIGHT WAS AT KING'S ROOK SIX. 782 00:43:16,226 --> 00:43:19,327 NO, MY BISHOP WAS AT KING'S ROOK SIX. MY KNIGHT WAS AT QUEEN FIVE. 783 00:43:19,396 --> 00:43:21,397 NO, NO, NO. IT WAS-- YES. YES. 784 00:43:21,465 --> 00:43:23,532 NO. IN YOUR DREAMS YOUR KNIGHT WAS AT QUEEN FIVE. 785 00:43:23,601 --> 00:43:25,600 I WAS SITTING RIGHT-- I SAW RIGHT-- 786 00:43:25,669 --> 00:43:27,669 YEAH-- OH! LOOK AT THAT! LOOK AT THAT! 787 00:43:27,738 --> 00:43:29,738 NOW YOUR KNIGHT IS AT REFRIGERATOR FIVE. 788 00:43:29,807 --> 00:43:32,674 THAT'S REAL MATURE. YEAH, WELL, WHO COMES OUT A WINNER? ME. 789 00:43:32,743 --> 00:43:37,146 [ Makes Cheering Noises ] GRIFFIN ONCE AGAIN. 790 00:43:37,215 --> 00:43:39,781 [ Cheering Noises Continue ] UNDEFEATED CHAMPION OF THE WORLD! 791 00:43:39,851 --> 00:43:42,718 [ Cheering Noises ] 792 00:43:44,788 --> 00:43:47,522 YOU KNOW, SAN FRANCISCO IS A BIG PLACE. 793 00:43:47,591 --> 00:43:49,725 HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT HOW YOU'RE GONNA FIND THIS GUY? 794 00:43:49,794 --> 00:43:52,428 SIMPLE, BRIAN. LOOK AT THIS. 795 00:43:53,898 --> 00:43:57,666 MY GOD! THIS POOR FELLOW HAD RELATIONS WITH LOIS. 796 00:43:57,735 --> 00:44:00,335 THAT'S MORE DISGUSTING THAN MY COUSIN QUARK GRIFFIN. 797 00:44:00,404 --> 00:44:05,007 I'M WATCHING YOUR EVERY MOVE, QUARK, SO DON'T THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH ANY LAW-BREAKING. 798 00:44:05,076 --> 00:44:07,142 YEAH, YEAH. WHATEVER, MAN. I MEAN IT! 799 00:44:07,211 --> 00:44:09,477 YOU'LL HAVE ME TO DEAL WITH. OOH! I'M REALLY SCARED. 800 00:44:09,546 --> 00:44:12,047 I COULD MORPH INTO A GIANT PYTHON AND EAT YOU ALIVE. 801 00:44:12,116 --> 00:44:14,049 HEY, HERE'S AN IDEA-- 802 00:44:14,118 --> 00:44:17,052 WHY DON'T YOU MORPH INTO A GUY WITH SOMETHING INTERESTING TO TALK ABOUT? 803 00:44:19,123 --> 00:44:23,158 KIDS, YOUR MOTHER AND I HAVE DECIDED WE'RE GONNA HELP YOU TWO GET OUT IN THE DATING WORLD. 804 00:44:23,227 --> 00:44:24,826 THAT'S RIGHT. 805 00:44:24,895 --> 00:44:27,830 CHRIS, I'M GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO BE AN AFFABLE, DESIRABLE YOUNG MAN... 806 00:44:27,898 --> 00:44:29,832 WHO DOESN'T SMELL LIKE THE INSIDE OF A WOOL HAT. 807 00:44:29,900 --> 00:44:32,835 - WHY YOU GOTTA BREAK BALLS? - MEG, WHEN I GET THROUGH WITH YOU... 808 00:44:32,904 --> 00:44:35,537 YOU'RE GONNA BE BEATIN' GUYS OFF WITH BOTH HANDS. 809 00:44:35,606 --> 00:44:38,540 - THIS IS GONNA BE SO FUN! - HEY! ZIP IT. 810 00:44:38,609 --> 00:44:43,145 RULE NUMBER ONE: NO SPEAKEE UNTIL THE MAN SPEAKEE TO YOU. 811 00:44:47,051 --> 00:44:48,984 I SAY, ARE WE MOVING ON YET? 812 00:44:49,053 --> 00:44:51,519 JUST HANG OUT, LITTLE GUY. I'LL SEE YOU IN A WHILE. 813 00:44:51,588 --> 00:44:54,756 OH, VERY WELL. I SUPPOSE I'LL GO PUMP THE CHEMICAL TOILET. 814 00:44:54,825 --> 00:44:57,292 APPARENTLY YOU'RE ABOUT TO DO THE SAME. 815 00:44:59,697 --> 00:45:02,230 WHAT THE HELL IS TAKING HIM SO LONG? 816 00:45:02,299 --> 00:45:04,566 I'M MISSING PRECIOUS TIME WITH MY FATHER. 817 00:45:04,635 --> 00:45:07,135 WHICH ONE OF THESE IS THE HORN? 818 00:45:07,204 --> 00:45:09,004 THAT'S NOT IT. 819 00:45:09,073 --> 00:45:10,906 THAT'S NOT IT EITHER. 820 00:45:12,209 --> 00:45:15,544 DO SOMETHING. I'M AFRAID TO PRESS ANYTHING ELSE. 821 00:45:16,814 --> 00:45:19,581 OKAY, MEG, LESSON ONE FOR ATTRACTING A MAN. 822 00:45:19,650 --> 00:45:23,052 - I WANT YOU TO SHAVE MY BACK. - EEW! WHY WOULD I WANT TO DO THAT? 823 00:45:23,120 --> 00:45:27,756 TRUST ME, MEG. SHAVE A MAN'S BACK FOR HIM AND HE'LL PURR LIKE A WALRUS. 824 00:45:27,825 --> 00:45:30,325 [ Purring Like Walrus ] 825 00:45:32,562 --> 00:45:35,497 ALL RIGHT, CHRIS, NOW THAT WE'VE TALKED ABOUT KISSING AND CUDDLING, 826 00:45:35,566 --> 00:45:38,334 IT'S TIME TO PRACTICE EATING OUT... 827 00:45:38,402 --> 00:45:40,468 AT A FANCY RESTAURANT! 828 00:45:45,876 --> 00:45:47,942 ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT. 829 00:45:48,011 --> 00:45:50,945 LISTEN, YOU PERVERT, WHAT THE DEVIL IS TAKING SO LO-- 830 00:45:51,014 --> 00:45:53,381 - GOOD LORD! - OH, STEWIE. THANK GOD. 831 00:45:53,450 --> 00:45:56,151 THAT CLEANING LADY CLEANED ME OUT. SHE TOOK ALL MY MONEY. 832 00:45:56,220 --> 00:45:58,286 GRAB THOSE KEYS OVER THERE, WILL YA? 833 00:45:58,355 --> 00:46:00,288 WHAT, THESE KEYS? THESE KEYS HERE? 834 00:46:00,357 --> 00:46:02,224 THESE THE ONES YOU WANT? HMM? 835 00:46:02,292 --> 00:46:04,159 UP YOURS! 836 00:46:04,228 --> 00:46:07,061 [ Engine Starts ] 837 00:46:08,332 --> 00:46:11,266 WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? WHERE'S QUAGMIRE? 838 00:46:11,335 --> 00:46:14,169 HE SAID TO GO WITHOUT HIM. WE'RE STEALING THE WINNEBAGO, AREN'T WE? 839 00:46:14,237 --> 00:46:16,238 OH, YOU CAN READ ME LIKE A BOOK, BRIAN. 840 00:46:16,307 --> 00:46:18,240 BREAKER-BREAKER, SIDEWINDER. THIS IS PARTY POOPER. 841 00:46:18,309 --> 00:46:20,242 DON'T WANT TO BE A RATCHET JAW, 842 00:46:20,311 --> 00:46:23,012 BUT LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GOT A SEAT COVER FEEDING THE BEARS IN A CHICKEN COOP, COME ON. 843 00:46:23,080 --> 00:46:24,679 ♪♪ [ Country ] 844 00:46:24,749 --> 00:46:28,850 ♪ EASTBOUND AND DOWN LOADED UP AND TRUCKIN' ♪ 845 00:46:28,919 --> 00:46:31,620 ♪ WE GONNA DO WHAT THEY SAY CAN'T BE DONE ♪♪ 846 00:46:32,957 --> 00:46:34,889 DAD, WHY ARE WE JUST SITTING HERE? 847 00:46:34,959 --> 00:46:36,891 JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE, MEG. 848 00:46:36,961 --> 00:46:40,329 WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO BE LEARNING ABOUT DATING FROM-- AHH. 849 00:46:40,397 --> 00:46:42,831 OH, MY GOD, DAD! YOU FARTED! 850 00:46:42,899 --> 00:46:45,834 THAT IS SO NASTY! [ Groaning ] NO! NO, NO, MEG! 851 00:46:45,902 --> 00:46:47,836 MEG, THIS IS CRUCIAL. ALL RIGHT? 852 00:46:47,904 --> 00:46:51,739 THE SEXIEST THING A WOMAN CAN DO FOR A MAN IS LEARN TO LOVE HIS GAS. 853 00:46:51,808 --> 00:46:53,742 LOVE THE GAS, MEG. LOVE IT! 854 00:46:53,811 --> 00:46:55,744 [ Fart ] [ Groaning Continues ] 855 00:46:55,813 --> 00:46:58,246 NO, MEG! NO, NO! THIS IS WHY WE'RE HERE. 856 00:46:58,315 --> 00:47:00,749 THIS IS WHY WE'RE HERE. THIS IS WHY WE'RE HERE. 857 00:47:02,319 --> 00:47:05,253 CHRIS, YOU'VE GOTTA LEARN HOW TO TALK TO GIRLS. 858 00:47:05,323 --> 00:47:09,691 SO I'LL ASK YOU AGAIN: WHAT ARE THE NAMES OF THE WOMEN ON SEX AND THE CITY? 859 00:47:09,760 --> 00:47:12,794 UH... CARRIE, 860 00:47:12,863 --> 00:47:15,130 MIRANDA, UH, 861 00:47:15,199 --> 00:47:17,832 SAMANTHA AND, 862 00:47:17,901 --> 00:47:20,602 UH, SCRAPPY-DOO? 863 00:47:20,671 --> 00:47:22,871 HIT HIM, ENDO. AAAH! AAAH! AAH! 864 00:47:22,940 --> 00:47:25,774 BOSLEY? UH, TOOTIE? UH, SHEENA EASTON? 865 00:47:25,843 --> 00:47:27,843 AAAH! AAAH! 866 00:47:29,412 --> 00:47:31,546 THINK WE SHOULD GO BACK FOR QUAGMIRE? 867 00:47:31,615 --> 00:47:33,782 HE'LL BE ALL RIGHT. HE'S RESOURCEFUL. 868 00:47:33,850 --> 00:47:36,452 [ Grunting ] 869 00:47:38,455 --> 00:47:40,855 DAMN IT! [ Dial Tone ] 870 00:47:42,159 --> 00:47:44,593 [ TV: Woman ] YEAH! OKAY! YEAH! 871 00:47:44,662 --> 00:47:47,596 [ TV: Man Panting ] [ TV: Woman ] THAT'S IT! AGAIN! YEAH! 872 00:47:47,664 --> 00:47:49,464 [ Beep Dialing ] 873 00:47:49,533 --> 00:47:51,099 ALL RIGHT! 874 00:47:56,940 --> 00:47:58,873 ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? NEVER BETTER! 875 00:47:58,942 --> 00:48:01,876 I GOT SOME PEP PILLS FROM A TRUCKER AT THE LAST STOP! 876 00:48:01,945 --> 00:48:04,079 KEEPS ME AWAKE! YOU TOOK PILLS? 877 00:48:04,148 --> 00:48:07,549 WEST COAST TURNAROUNDS! TRUCKER SAID TO ONLY TAKE ONE, BUT I TOOK ALL OF THEM! 878 00:48:07,618 --> 00:48:09,651 MAYBE YOU SHOULD SLOW DOWN. WHY? WE'RE MAKING GOOD TIME! 879 00:48:09,720 --> 00:48:11,653 WE'RE NOT EVEN ON THE ROAD! HUH? 880 00:48:11,722 --> 00:48:14,156 - I SAID, WE'RE NOT EVEN ON THE ROAD! - DON'T NEED TO BE! 881 00:48:14,224 --> 00:48:16,058 COMPASS SAYS WEST. THAT'S WHERE WE'RE HEADED. 882 00:48:16,126 --> 00:48:18,560 STEWIE, WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DESERT. I KNOW! 883 00:48:18,629 --> 00:48:21,563 IMAGINE THE NADS ON THOSE GUYS WHO DID THIS ON A WAGON! 884 00:48:21,631 --> 00:48:23,932 PIONEERS, BRIAN! WE SHARE THEIR SPIRIT! MANIFEST DESTINY! 885 00:48:24,001 --> 00:48:26,702 ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT. GIVE ME THE WHEEL. GO TO HELL! 886 00:48:33,510 --> 00:48:35,511 [ Gasps ] 887 00:48:37,581 --> 00:48:39,581 [ Snoring ] 888 00:48:45,555 --> 00:48:48,490 [ Sighs ] THIS IS HORRIBLE. 889 00:48:48,559 --> 00:48:52,261 I'M SO THIRSTY. OH, MY GOD, BRIAN. DO YOU SEE WHAT I SEE? 890 00:48:52,329 --> 00:48:54,529 [ Brian ] A DR. PEPPER MACHINE? 891 00:48:54,598 --> 00:48:56,465 YES! OH, I CAN TASTE IT NOW! 892 00:48:56,533 --> 00:48:58,467 [ Panting ] 893 00:48:58,535 --> 00:49:00,636 [ Both Cackling ] 894 00:49:05,375 --> 00:49:07,443 DAMN IT. IT WAS A MIRAGE. 895 00:49:07,511 --> 00:49:09,944 OH, A RC COLA MACHINE. 896 00:49:10,013 --> 00:49:12,447 OH, THAT'S IT! I GIVE UP! WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 897 00:49:12,516 --> 00:49:15,450 I NEVER SHOULD HAVE ATTEMPTED THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE. 898 00:49:15,519 --> 00:49:17,952 IT WAS STUPID! HEY, HEY. COME ON, NOW. 899 00:49:18,022 --> 00:49:20,956 YOU'VE COME THIS FAR. HAVEN'T YOU? [ Sobbing ] IT'S NO USE! 900 00:49:21,024 --> 00:49:24,459 EVEN IF MY REAL FATHER IS OUT THERE, HE PROBABLY DOESN'T WANT TO SEE ME. 901 00:49:24,528 --> 00:49:26,462 [ Sobbing Continues ] 902 00:49:26,530 --> 00:49:28,463 YOU GOTTA SEE THIS THROUGH TO THE END. 903 00:49:28,532 --> 00:49:30,966 MAYBE THIS GUY IS YOUR REAL FATHER. MAYBE NOT. 904 00:49:31,035 --> 00:49:34,302 BUT IF YOU DON'T FIND OUT, YOU'RE GONNA SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WONDERING. 905 00:49:34,371 --> 00:49:36,305 [ Sighs ] WELL, MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT. 906 00:49:36,373 --> 00:49:38,706 COME ON. I'LL STICK BY YOU THE WHOLE WAY, 907 00:49:38,775 --> 00:49:41,209 JUST LIKE I DID WHEN WE WERE SIAMESE TWINS. 908 00:49:41,278 --> 00:49:44,679 HEY, LOOK AT THAT WOMAN, BRIAN. SHE HAS NO BUSINESS IN SHORTS. 909 00:49:44,748 --> 00:49:47,149 HEY! YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS IN SHORTS! 910 00:49:47,217 --> 00:49:49,884 OOH, TORTILLAS! LET'S DO SOFT TACOS TONIGHT. 911 00:49:52,856 --> 00:49:55,790 WELL, WE'VE TAUGHT YOU WELL, CHILDREN. IT'S IN GOD'S HANDS NOW. 912 00:49:55,860 --> 00:49:58,327 NOW GO TO THE MALL AND FIND YOURSELF SOME DATES. 913 00:49:58,395 --> 00:50:01,796 FIND A GIRL WHO SMOKES. REMEMBER, IF SHE SMOKES, SHE POKES. 914 00:50:01,866 --> 00:50:03,799 BYE, KIDS. 915 00:50:03,867 --> 00:50:06,334 DO YOU THINK THEY'RE READY, PETER? I DON'T CARE. 916 00:50:06,403 --> 00:50:09,905 ALL I CARE ABOUT IS THAT WE HAVE OUR ALONE TIME. ME TOO. 917 00:50:09,973 --> 00:50:13,542 ARE WE TERRIBLE PEOPLE? NAH, NAH. WE'RE NOT TERRIBLE PEOPLE, LOIS. 918 00:50:13,610 --> 00:50:15,610 HORSES ARE TERRIBLE PEOPLE. 919 00:50:15,679 --> 00:50:17,612 [ Choking ] 920 00:50:17,681 --> 00:50:19,714 MURDER! MURDER! 921 00:50:26,624 --> 00:50:28,857 WELL, WE MADE IT. SAN FRANCISCO. 922 00:50:28,926 --> 00:50:31,360 I BET THIS CITY'S FILLED WITH KOOKY ROOMMATES... 923 00:50:31,428 --> 00:50:33,628 LIKE THE KIND YOU SEE ALL LIVING TOGETHER ON TV. 924 00:50:36,199 --> 00:50:39,134 HEY, LION-O, WHAT'S GOING ON? I'M NOT SURE, CHEETARA. 925 00:50:39,203 --> 00:50:42,137 BUT I'VE GOT A BAD FEELING MUMM-RA'S UP TO SOMETHING. 926 00:50:42,206 --> 00:50:45,406 HMM. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. I'M GONNA USE THE JOHN. 927 00:50:45,475 --> 00:50:49,177 EYE OF THUNDERA, GIVE ME SIGHT BEYOND SIGHT. 928 00:50:51,348 --> 00:50:54,883 LION-O, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? SNARF! SNARF! 929 00:50:54,952 --> 00:50:57,886 OH, HEY, UH-- NOT MUCH, NOT MUCH. 930 00:50:57,955 --> 00:51:00,922 [ Clears Throat ] YOU WANT TO GET WASTED OR SOMETHING? 931 00:51:07,764 --> 00:51:10,532 LET'S SPLIT UP AND TRY TO FIND HIM. 932 00:51:10,601 --> 00:51:12,033 [ Bell Dings ] 933 00:51:12,102 --> 00:51:14,035 [ Bell Dings ] 934 00:51:14,104 --> 00:51:17,539 YEAH, I JUST CHECKED IN. YEAH, I MIGHT LOSE YOU. I JUST GOT IN THE ELEVATOR. 935 00:51:17,608 --> 00:51:19,875 YEAH, I'M GONNA GRAB A SHOWER. 936 00:51:19,944 --> 00:51:22,544 D-DID YOU GUYS EAT YET? 937 00:51:22,613 --> 00:51:25,547 NO-- NO, I'LL-- NO, I'LL JUST TAKE A CAB. 938 00:51:25,616 --> 00:51:27,549 YOU GOT YOUR CAR? 939 00:51:27,618 --> 00:51:29,685 DO YOU WANNA PICK ME UP? 940 00:51:29,753 --> 00:51:32,688 DO YOU-- DO YOU WANNA-- DO YOU WANNA PICK ME UP? 941 00:51:32,756 --> 00:51:34,690 DO YOU WANNA PICK ME UP? 942 00:51:34,758 --> 00:51:37,558 DO YOU WANNA PICK ME UP? DO YOU WANNA PICK ME UP? 943 00:51:37,627 --> 00:51:39,795 ♪♪ [ Whistling ] 944 00:51:45,168 --> 00:51:47,702 [ Gasps ] FATHER! 945 00:52:01,451 --> 00:52:04,319 [ Chattering In Jawa ] AAH! UTEDI! UTEDI! 946 00:52:04,388 --> 00:52:06,388 FILTHY CREATURES. 947 00:52:23,773 --> 00:52:25,707 WHOA-OHH! 948 00:52:25,775 --> 00:52:28,209 DAMN! WHY IS THERE ALWAYS A FRUIT STAND? 949 00:52:28,278 --> 00:52:30,212 [ Radio: Man ] HIGH-SPEED PURSUIT IN PROGRESS... 950 00:52:30,280 --> 00:52:32,214 HEADED SOUTH ON POWELL TOWARD MARKET STREET. 951 00:52:32,282 --> 00:52:35,117 YOU HEARD HIM, PEOPLE. POWELL AND MARKET. MOVE IT! 952 00:52:37,220 --> 00:52:40,155 [ Sighs ] I FEEL LIKE I'VE SEARCHED THIS WHOLE BLOODY CITY. 953 00:52:40,224 --> 00:52:43,658 I SUPPOSE THIS MEANS I'LL NEVER FIND THE ANSWER TO WHO I REALLY AM. 954 00:52:43,727 --> 00:52:45,660 OH, WELL. SEE YOU GENTS LATER. 955 00:52:45,729 --> 00:52:47,662 FREE TIBET. NO GRAPES. ALL THAT. 956 00:52:47,731 --> 00:52:50,999 DUDE, I COULD HAVE SWORN THAT NERF FOOTBALL WAS JUST TALKIN' TO ME. 957 00:52:51,068 --> 00:52:53,668 [ Bell Dings ] 958 00:52:53,737 --> 00:52:56,505 ARE YOU DONE WITH THE ARTS SECTION? OF COURSE. 959 00:52:56,573 --> 00:52:58,173 - [ Gasps ] - [ Gasps ] 960 00:52:58,242 --> 00:53:00,841 OH, MY GOD! OH, DEAR. 961 00:53:00,910 --> 00:53:02,843 OH, DEAR, OH, DEAR. THIS IS NOT GOOD. 962 00:53:02,912 --> 00:53:04,846 THIS IS VERY BAD. VERY BAD. 963 00:53:04,915 --> 00:53:08,516 OH, DADDY, I KNEW I'D FIND YOU! I KNEW PETER COULDN'T BE MY REAL FATHER! 964 00:53:08,585 --> 00:53:10,952 NO, NO, NO. YOU'VE GOTTEN IT ALL WRONG, STEWIE. 965 00:53:11,021 --> 00:53:13,021 STEWIE? HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME? 966 00:53:13,090 --> 00:53:15,857 BECAUSE I'M NOT YOUR FATHER. I'M YOU. 967 00:53:19,829 --> 00:53:21,763 [ Peter ] WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? 968 00:53:21,831 --> 00:53:24,766 [ Brian ] LOOKS LIKE AN INTERMISSION, A CHANCE TO STRETCH THE LEGS. 969 00:53:24,834 --> 00:53:27,269 [ Peter ] OH, MAN, I PEED IN THIS CUP FOR NOTHIN'? 970 00:53:27,337 --> 00:53:29,771 [ Chris ] DAD, I JUST KICKED OVER YOUR COKE. 971 00:53:29,839 --> 00:53:33,275 [ Stewie ] I LOOK ATROCIOUS! DID YOU SEE MY ASS? OH, MY GOD! 972 00:53:33,343 --> 00:53:36,645 [ Meg ] THIS STINKS! I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY CUT MY WHOLE SEX SCENE! 973 00:53:36,713 --> 00:53:38,647 IT WAS SO TASTEFULLY DONE! 974 00:53:38,715 --> 00:53:41,650 [ Lois ] PETER, COULD YOU GO TO THE CONCESSION STAND? I WANT SOMETHING TO SUCK ON. 975 00:53:41,718 --> 00:53:43,652 [ Quagmire ] GIGGEDY-GIGGEDY! 976 00:53:43,720 --> 00:53:47,155 [ Cleveland ] HEY, QUAGMIRE, YOU THINK WE GOT TIME TO GO OUTSIDE AND BURN ONE? 977 00:53:47,223 --> 00:53:49,658 [ Quagmire ] IT'S NOT OVER YET? HOW LONG IS THIS THING? 978 00:53:49,726 --> 00:53:53,662 [ Herbert ] CHRIS, DO YOU HAVE A SHOWER SCENE? OR DO I HAVE TO KEEP DREAMIN'? 979 00:53:53,730 --> 00:53:55,664 MMM. 980 00:53:55,732 --> 00:53:57,532 [ Brian ] ALL RIGHT, WE'RE BACK. 981 00:54:01,471 --> 00:54:03,338 YOU'RE ME FROM THE FUTURE? THAT'S ABSURD. 982 00:54:03,406 --> 00:54:05,340 I'M AFRAID IT'S TRUE, STEWIE. 983 00:54:05,408 --> 00:54:07,842 I'M THE MAN YOU DREAMED YOU'D BE WHEN YOU WERE ALONE IN YOUR BEDROOM... 984 00:54:07,911 --> 00:54:10,945 PLANNING WORLD DOMINATION AND SINGING DONNA SUMMER INTO YOUR HAIRBRUSH. 985 00:54:11,014 --> 00:54:13,548 ♪ TELL HIM TO JUST GET OUT ♪ 986 00:54:13,617 --> 00:54:16,217 ♪ NOTHIN' LEFT TO TALK ABOUT ♪ 987 00:54:16,286 --> 00:54:19,020 ♪ PACK HIS RAINCOAT SHOW HIM OUT ♪ 988 00:54:19,089 --> 00:54:22,890 ♪ JUST LOOK HIM IN THE EYES AND SIMPLY SHOUT ♪ 989 00:54:22,959 --> 00:54:24,992 [ Both ] ♪ ENOUGH IS ENOUGH IS ENOUGH ♪ 990 00:54:25,061 --> 00:54:29,063 ♪ I CAN'T GO ON I CAN'T GO ON NO MORE NOW ♪ 991 00:54:29,132 --> 00:54:30,932 ♪ ENOUGH IS ENOUGH IS ENOUGH ♪ 992 00:54:31,000 --> 00:54:35,303 ♪ I WANT HIM OUT I WANT HIM OUT THAT DOOR NOW ♪♪ 993 00:54:35,372 --> 00:54:37,305 [ Gasps ] IT IS YOU-- UH, ME! 994 00:54:37,374 --> 00:54:40,942 OH, GOD, I HAVE TO MANY QUESTIONS ABOUT THE FUTURE. IS ALL FOOD IN PILL FORM? 995 00:54:41,010 --> 00:54:45,179 DO THEY HAVE FLYING CARS? DID THEY EVER FIND A SUCCESSFUL VEHICLE FOR ELLEN CLEGHORNE? 996 00:54:45,248 --> 00:54:48,182 I CAN'T ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS. I'M NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE TALKING TO YOU. 997 00:54:48,251 --> 00:54:51,152 - IT'S A VIOLATION OF THE TERMS OF MY VACATION. - VACATION? 998 00:54:51,221 --> 00:54:55,690 YES. IN THE FUTURE, PEOPLE TAKE VACATIONS NOT TO DESTINATIONS, BUT TO PERIODS OF TIME. 999 00:54:55,759 --> 00:54:58,459 JUST LAST SUMMER I WENT BACK TO VISIT JESUS CHRIST. 1000 00:54:58,529 --> 00:55:01,462 TURNS OUT HIS ABILITIES MIGHT HAVE BEEN EXAGGERATED A BIT. 1001 00:55:02,632 --> 00:55:05,634 ♪♪ [ Humming Vaudeville Melody ] 1002 00:55:22,418 --> 00:55:25,519 I'VE ALREADY SAID ENOUGH. I SHOULD BE GETTING BACK. 1003 00:55:25,588 --> 00:55:28,022 YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE ME. I MUST KNOW MY FUTURE. 1004 00:55:28,092 --> 00:55:31,526 SORRY. IT'S AGAINST THE RULES. GOOD-BYE, STEWIE. 1005 00:55:31,595 --> 00:55:33,694 SURPRISE! 1006 00:55:34,764 --> 00:55:36,698 OH, THIS IS JUST GREAT. 1007 00:55:36,767 --> 00:55:39,034 I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! THIS IS THE FUTURE-- 1008 00:55:39,102 --> 00:55:41,235 WAIT A MINUTE. EVERYTHING LOOKS THE SAME. 1009 00:55:41,304 --> 00:55:43,972 WELL, OF COURSE. IT'S ONLY BEEN 30 YEARS. WHERE ARE THE MONUMENTS TO ME? 1010 00:55:44,040 --> 00:55:45,974 WHERE ARE MY LEGIONS OF FOLLOWERS? 1011 00:55:46,042 --> 00:55:50,245 I THOUGHT I'D BE ABSOLUTE RULER OF THE WORLD BY NOW, FAR AWAY FROM THAT HOUSE FULL OF IDIOTS. 1012 00:56:00,690 --> 00:56:02,557 [ Sighs ] 1013 00:56:02,626 --> 00:56:05,560 SORRY, STEWIE. I ABANDONED MY QUEST FOR WORLD DOMINATION LONG AGO. 1014 00:56:05,629 --> 00:56:08,563 WELL, AM I AT LEAST A CITY COUNCILMAN OR SOMETHING? 1015 00:56:08,632 --> 00:56:11,065 SORRY. OH, THIS IS NOTHING LIKE I IMAGINED. 1016 00:56:11,135 --> 00:56:13,067 I THOUGHT THE FUTURE WOULD BE DIFFERENT, 1017 00:56:13,137 --> 00:56:16,237 WITH JET PACKS, ECO-DOMES AND TV THEY CAN BEAM RIGHT INTO YOUR HEAD. 1018 00:56:16,306 --> 00:56:18,240 UH, GIVE ME MORK AND MINDY. 1019 00:56:19,475 --> 00:56:22,744 [ Laughs ] THAT'S NOT HOW YOU SIT IN A CHAIR! 1020 00:56:24,314 --> 00:56:26,247 I'M LATE TO SUNDAY DINNER WITH THE FAMILY. 1021 00:56:26,316 --> 00:56:29,250 YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT IN THE CAR UNTIL I CAN SEND YOU BACK. 1022 00:56:29,319 --> 00:56:31,753 WAIT IN THE CAR? I SHALL DO NO SUCH THING. 1023 00:56:31,822 --> 00:56:34,555 HEY, DID THEY EVER UNFREEZE WALT DISNEY? UGH. UNFORTUNATELY. 1024 00:56:34,624 --> 00:56:36,191 WELCOME BACK, MR. DISNEY. 1025 00:56:36,260 --> 00:56:38,193 ARE THE JEWS GONE YET? UH, NO. 1026 00:56:38,261 --> 00:56:40,161 PUT ME BACK IN. 1027 00:56:42,165 --> 00:56:45,100 PUT SOME PANTS ON. THE KIDS'LL BE HERE ANY MINUTE. 1028 00:56:45,168 --> 00:56:48,703 IN A SECOND, LOIS. I'M WATCHING THE BRITNEY SPEARS COMEBACK CONCERT. 1029 00:56:48,772 --> 00:56:50,305 HI, EVERYBODY! 1030 00:56:50,374 --> 00:56:53,007 I MAY HAVE LOST A FOOT TO DIABETES, 1031 00:56:53,076 --> 00:56:55,510 BUT I'M STILL SEXY, Y'ALL! 1032 00:56:55,579 --> 00:56:57,778 NOW I'M GONNA DANCE FOR YA! 1033 00:56:57,848 --> 00:57:00,348 ♪♪ [ Pop ] 1034 00:57:05,022 --> 00:57:06,954 [ Audience Screaming ] 1035 00:57:07,023 --> 00:57:09,724 [ Doorbell Rings ] 1036 00:57:09,793 --> 00:57:12,994 - OH, STEW. MY BIG BOY. - HELLO, MOTHER! 1037 00:57:13,063 --> 00:57:16,531 SHE'S STILL ALIVE? WHAT THE HELL, MAN? 1038 00:57:16,600 --> 00:57:18,532 I BROUGHT A GUEST. 1039 00:57:18,602 --> 00:57:22,403 THIS IS, UM, UH, PABLO, A CHILD FROM NICARAGUA I'VE BEEN SPONSORING. 1040 00:57:22,472 --> 00:57:24,472 MY! HOW WONDERFUL! 1041 00:57:24,540 --> 00:57:26,107 ME GUSTA NICARAGUA. 1042 00:57:26,176 --> 00:57:28,643 MMM, YES. IS THAT WHERE YOU GOT THAT LEATHER HANDBAG? 1043 00:57:28,712 --> 00:57:32,080 OH, I'M SORRY. THAT'S YOUR FACE! HA HA! OH! GOT YOU! 1044 00:57:32,148 --> 00:57:35,082 THIRTY YEARS LATER, I STILL FREAKING GOT YOU! 1045 00:57:35,151 --> 00:57:39,053 OH, GOD! I FEEL AS INVINCIBLE AS SUPERMAN. 1046 00:57:40,123 --> 00:57:42,057 HEY THERE, WONDER WOMAN. 1047 00:57:42,125 --> 00:57:44,058 FLYING YOUR INVISIBLE PLANE, I SEE. 1048 00:57:44,127 --> 00:57:46,428 [ Chuckles ] BOY, THIS IS AWKWARD. 1049 00:57:46,496 --> 00:57:50,064 I'M-- I'M, UH, ACTUALLY IN THE LAVATORY OF THE INVISIBLE PLANE. 1050 00:57:50,133 --> 00:57:53,401 OH. YOU MEAN, RIGHT NOW YOU'RE-- YEAH. 1051 00:57:53,470 --> 00:57:55,703 [ Toilet Flushes ] 1052 00:57:59,109 --> 00:58:03,945 I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE YOU DIDN'T WASH YOUR HANDS IN THE INVISIBLE SINK. 1053 00:58:04,013 --> 00:58:05,947 HI, EVERYBODY. SORRY WE'RE LATE. 1054 00:58:06,016 --> 00:58:08,817 STOP FREAKIN' APOLOGIZING. YOU SOUND LIKE A FREAKIN' WOMAN. 1055 00:58:08,885 --> 00:58:11,519 I SUPPOSE ONE OF YOU HAS TO. 1056 00:58:11,588 --> 00:58:14,823 - OH, WHAT A NICE BLOUSE, VANESSA. - CHRIS'S WIFE. 1057 00:58:14,891 --> 00:58:17,659 OH, THANKS. I'M NOT SURE MY TINY BRAIN COULD'VE PUT THAT ONE TOGETHER. 1058 00:58:17,727 --> 00:58:21,295 MOM, I NOTICE YOUR HEDGES ARE PUSHING OUT ONTO THE CURB, AND THAT'S A VIOLATION. 1059 00:58:21,364 --> 00:58:24,298 AND YOUR TAGS ARE EXPIRED, AND ONE OF YOUR TAILLIGHTS IS BUSTED. 1060 00:58:24,367 --> 00:58:28,302 I'M NOT GONNA RUN YOU IN, BUT I WILL IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME A COOKIE! 1061 00:58:28,371 --> 00:58:30,805 HERE YOU GO, SWEETIE. YEA! 1062 00:58:30,874 --> 00:58:33,675 YEAH, THAT'S WHAT THAT FAT PIG NEEDS-- A FREAKIN' COOKIE. 1063 00:58:33,744 --> 00:58:36,544 HI, VANESSA. WELL, DON'T YOU LOOK NICE-- 1064 00:58:36,613 --> 00:58:39,547 [ Groans ] OH, NO! I BROKE MY HIP! 1065 00:58:39,615 --> 00:58:41,816 YOU NEED SOME HELP, DAD? NO, I'M GOOD. 1066 00:58:41,885 --> 00:58:44,552 OH, ARE THESE THE PICTURES FROM YOUR TRIP TO SONOMA? 1067 00:58:44,620 --> 00:58:48,556 OH, MY GOD! OH, LOOK HOW BEAUTIFUL THE COUNTRYSIDE IS. 1068 00:58:48,625 --> 00:58:52,327 OH, I'D LOVE TO GET A HOUSE OUT THERE IF I HAD THE MONEY! 1069 00:58:52,395 --> 00:58:57,164 THAT WAS A SWELL VACATION. MUCH BETTER THAN THAT TIME I WAS STUCK ON THAT ISLAND WITH BONO. 1070 00:58:58,234 --> 00:59:00,167 BONO, STOP SCREWIN' AROUND... 1071 00:59:00,236 --> 00:59:02,103 AND OPEN UP THAT DAMN CRATE OF FOOD. 1072 00:59:02,172 --> 00:59:05,272 I'M SAVING THIS FOR THE STARVIN' CHILDREN OF THE WORLD IN CASE WE GET RESCUED. 1073 00:59:05,341 --> 00:59:08,275 YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S US. WE'RE STARVIN'. NOW OPEN IT UP! 1074 00:59:08,344 --> 00:59:11,846 I CAN'T DO THAT, PETER. IT'S FOR THE STARVIN' CHILDREN. [ Sighs ] 1075 00:59:16,219 --> 00:59:18,153 AHA! 1076 00:59:18,221 --> 00:59:21,222 I'M JUST MAKIN' SURE IT TASTES GOOD FOR THE STARVIN' CHILDREN. 1077 00:59:22,225 --> 00:59:24,158 [ Moaning ] 1078 00:59:24,227 --> 00:59:25,960 KNOCK KNOCK. 1079 00:59:26,029 --> 00:59:28,963 - OH, HI, RON. - WHO IS THAT FELLOW? HE LOOKS SO FAMILIAR. 1080 00:59:29,032 --> 00:59:31,466 IT'S MEG. SHE HAD A SEX CHANGE RIGHT AFTER COLLEGE. 1081 00:59:31,535 --> 00:59:33,468 WOW! SHE WENT TO COLLEGE? 1082 00:59:33,537 --> 00:59:36,471 I CAN'T STAY TOO LATE. I GOTTA GO SHOP FOR A RAZOR. 1083 00:59:36,539 --> 00:59:39,373 YOU KNOW, FOR MY FACE, WHERE I GROW MY BEARD. 1084 00:59:39,442 --> 00:59:41,342 WE GET IT. YOU'RE A GUY. 1085 00:59:43,412 --> 00:59:46,848 - WHAT IS THIS ONE, MY PROM? - OH, YES. THAT'S SHIRLEY BLITT. 1086 00:59:46,917 --> 00:59:50,718 WE COULDN'T DO ANY DANCING BECAUSE OF HER CLUB FOOT, BUT THE PUNCH WAS DELICIOUS. 1087 00:59:50,787 --> 00:59:53,087 I THINK SOMEBODY PUT MANGO IN IT. 1088 00:59:53,155 --> 00:59:56,090 ISN'T IT FUNNY THAT I REMEMBER THAT AFTER ALL THESE YEARS? 1089 00:59:57,761 --> 01:00:01,028 WELL, THERE HE IS. 1090 01:00:01,097 --> 01:00:03,030 OH, THIS IS FANTASTIC! 1091 01:00:03,100 --> 01:00:05,300 THAT'S NOT REALLY APPROPRIATE, STEWIE. 1092 01:00:05,368 --> 01:00:08,302 OH, OF COURSE IT IS. I LOATHED THAT KNOW-IT-ALL, FLEA-BITTEN MUTT. 1093 01:00:08,371 --> 01:00:12,073 NO, IT'S JUST THAT THE MEANING OF THAT WORD HAS CHANGED EVER SINCE PRESIDENT DOUCHEBAG. 1094 01:00:12,141 --> 01:00:13,875 [ Cheering ] THANK YOU! 1095 01:00:13,944 --> 01:00:17,544 I JUST RECEIVED A CALL FROM MY WORTHY OPPONENT, SENATOR DATERAPE. 1096 01:00:17,613 --> 01:00:21,048 - [ Booing ] - NO, NO. HE RAN A GOOD CAMPAIGN, 1097 01:00:21,117 --> 01:00:23,551 BUT THE PEOPLE OF AMERICA HAVE SPOKEN, 1098 01:00:23,620 --> 01:00:27,621 AND THEY'RE SAYING THEY WANT FOUR MORE YEARS OF DOUCHEBAG! 1099 01:00:27,690 --> 01:00:31,225 [ Chanting ] DOUCHEBAG! DOUCHEBAG! DOUCHEBAG! DOUCHEBAG! 1100 01:00:34,297 --> 01:00:36,764 THAT IS SOME FREAKIN' GOOD DINNER, MRS. GRIFFIN. 1101 01:00:36,833 --> 01:00:39,033 [ Uncomfortable Chuckle ] THANK YOU. 1102 01:00:39,102 --> 01:00:42,036 EXCUSE ME. I'M GONNA GO HELP PETER WITH THE DISHES. 1103 01:00:42,105 --> 01:00:44,038 RON, STU, I NEED YOUR HELP. 1104 01:00:44,107 --> 01:00:47,542 I NEED YOU TWO TO TELL THOSE PARENTS OF YOURS THEY'RE MOVING INTO A RETIREMENT HOME, 1105 01:00:47,610 --> 01:00:50,545 'CAUSE MR. EMPTY SAC OVER HERE WON'T DO IT. 1106 01:00:50,613 --> 01:00:54,014 STU, YOU DON'T WANT MOM AND DAD TO GO TO A RETIREMENT HOME, DO YOU? 1107 01:00:54,083 --> 01:00:56,417 WELL, U-UH, IT'S, UH-- 1108 01:00:56,486 --> 01:00:59,420 I-- STU, COULD YOU HELP ME WITH THE DISHES? 1109 01:00:59,489 --> 01:01:01,422 BE RIGHT THERE, MOTHER! 1110 01:01:01,491 --> 01:01:04,759 ACTUALLY, VANESSA-- STU, I NEED YOUR HELP! THERE ARE DISHES EVERYWHERE! 1111 01:01:04,828 --> 01:01:06,760 OH, SORRY. MUST GO. 1112 01:01:06,829 --> 01:01:09,531 WELL, I CAN'T DO IT TO 'EM. THEY'RE MY PARENTS. 1113 01:01:09,599 --> 01:01:12,200 DON'T YOU EVER WANT TO INHERIT THIS HOUSE, YOU FAT PIG? 1114 01:01:12,269 --> 01:01:15,737 OR AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS ANY DESIRE TO MOVE OUT FROM UNDER THE FREAKING POWER LINES? 1115 01:01:15,805 --> 01:01:17,739 WHAT'S THAT? OH, IT'S CANCER! 1116 01:01:17,808 --> 01:01:20,908 CAN WE PLEASE NOT DO THIS IN FRONT OF PABLO? 1117 01:01:20,977 --> 01:01:23,344 AH, DARN HIM! THAT FREAKIN' KID'S FROM GUAM. 1118 01:01:23,413 --> 01:01:25,346 PROBABLY ONLY SPEAKS SPANISH OR SOME CRAP. 1119 01:01:25,415 --> 01:01:28,582 LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, 'NESSA-- A BULLET SOUNDS THE SAME IN EVERY LANGUAGE. 1120 01:01:28,651 --> 01:01:31,152 SO STICK A FREAKING SOCK IN IT, YOU COW! 1121 01:01:33,490 --> 01:01:37,424 YOU CAN CRASH AT MY PLACE TONIGHT, BUT TOMORROW WE'RE GOING TO GET YOU BACK HOME. 1122 01:01:37,494 --> 01:01:39,960 WELL, WELCOME TO CHEZ STU. 1123 01:01:40,963 --> 01:01:42,863 DEAR GOD, THIS IS WHERE I LIVE? 1124 01:01:42,932 --> 01:01:46,400 ALL ALONE IN A FILTHY HOVEL? WELL, I WOULDN'T EXACTLY SAY "ALONE." 1125 01:01:46,469 --> 01:01:48,736 LET ME INTRODUCE MY ROOMMATE. 1126 01:01:48,805 --> 01:01:50,738 HE'S SOMETIMES LATE ON THE RENT, 1127 01:01:50,807 --> 01:01:53,975 AND NEVER SHY ABOUT SHARING THE GAS BILL, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. 1128 01:01:54,044 --> 01:01:56,443 DID YOU JUST MAKE A FART JOKE? 1129 01:01:56,512 --> 01:01:58,446 HEY, STU, GOT BIG PLANS FOR TONIGHT? 1130 01:01:58,514 --> 01:02:01,415 SURE DO, RUPERT. I'M FINALLY GOING TO ORGANIZE MY PHOTO ALBUMS. 1131 01:02:01,484 --> 01:02:03,351 YEAH, RIGHT! 1132 01:02:03,420 --> 01:02:06,588 I SAY, WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS LEG? OH, WAIT, NOW I REMEMBER. 1133 01:02:06,656 --> 01:02:10,257 YOU ARE GONNA SIT THERE AND TELL ME A FLAT TAX DOESN'T FAVOR THE WEALTHY? 1134 01:02:10,326 --> 01:02:12,760 NOT ONE BIT, AND IT SAVES MILLIONS OF MAN-HOURS... 1135 01:02:12,829 --> 01:02:15,262 THAT THE COMPLEXITY OF THE CURRENT TAX CODE WASTES, 1136 01:02:15,331 --> 01:02:17,765 WHICH YOU WOULD REALIZE IF YOU WEREN'T RETARDED. 1137 01:02:17,834 --> 01:02:19,933 HEY, GIVE HIM BACK. STOP THAT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 1138 01:02:20,002 --> 01:02:22,570 GIVE ME BACK HIS LEG. OH, YOU'LL GET IT BACK. 1139 01:02:25,475 --> 01:02:29,143 THIS IS MY BULLETIN BOARD WHERE I PUT ALL MY FAVORITE COMIC STRIPS. 1140 01:02:29,212 --> 01:02:31,145 SEE, LOOK. HERE'S THE LOCKHORNS. 1141 01:02:31,214 --> 01:02:34,983 MRS. LOCKHORN IS SAYING, "WE'RE NEVER GOING TO ANOTHER YARD SALE," 1142 01:02:35,051 --> 01:02:37,985 BECAUSE MR. LOCKHORN HAS CLEARLY PURCHASED A TUBA! 1143 01:02:38,054 --> 01:02:40,488 [ Laughs ] AND FROM THE LOOK ON HER FACE, 1144 01:02:40,557 --> 01:02:43,491 I'D SAY HE'S NOT PLAYING IT VERY WELL AT ALL. 1145 01:02:43,560 --> 01:02:45,526 [ Laughing ] YOU GET IT? 1146 01:02:45,595 --> 01:02:48,028 YOU GOT THESE FROM PARADE MAGAZINE? 1147 01:02:48,097 --> 01:02:51,598 YOU READ PARADE MAGAZINE? OHHH! 1148 01:02:51,667 --> 01:02:56,503 HEY, STU! IT'S MONDAY, WHICH CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING! 1149 01:02:56,572 --> 01:02:59,641 [ Together ] GO-GURT DAY! [ Laughing ] 1150 01:02:59,709 --> 01:03:01,642 OH, FRAN, THIS IS PABLO FROM NICARAGUA. 1151 01:03:01,711 --> 01:03:05,212 PABLO, THIS IS FRAN. SHE IS HILARIOUS! 1152 01:03:05,281 --> 01:03:08,649 HEY, PABLO. [ Laughs ] JUST KIDDIN'! 1153 01:03:08,718 --> 01:03:11,119 [ Laughs ] I TOLD YOU! SHE'S SO TWISTED! 1154 01:03:11,187 --> 01:03:13,621 WELL, I'D BETTER GET BACK TO MY DEPARTMENT... 1155 01:03:13,690 --> 01:03:16,223 BEFORE GENGHIS THE DAY MANAGER MAKES HIS ROUNDS. 1156 01:03:16,292 --> 01:03:19,827 GENGHIS THE DAY MANA-- IS THAT FROM SOMETHING, OR DID YOU JUST MAKE THAT UP? 1157 01:03:19,896 --> 01:03:21,829 I JUST MADE IT UP! OH-HO-HO! 1158 01:03:21,898 --> 01:03:24,198 OH! ALL DAY LONG. 1159 01:03:24,267 --> 01:03:26,868 WELL, I GUESS IT'S NOT ALL BAD. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 1160 01:03:26,937 --> 01:03:29,871 DON'T BE COY, YOU DIRTY HORNDOG. YOU'RE HUMPING FRAN. 1161 01:03:29,939 --> 01:03:33,374 TELL ME, HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE GOTTEN INTO THOSE LANE BRYANT STRETCH PANTS? 1162 01:03:33,442 --> 01:03:36,377 WHAT? NEVER. DAMN RIGHT, NEVER-- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NEVER? 1163 01:03:36,445 --> 01:03:39,380 STEWIE, I'VE NEVER SLEPT WITH ANY WOMAN. 1164 01:03:39,449 --> 01:03:41,448 I'VE NEVER HAD SEX. 1165 01:03:42,619 --> 01:03:44,551 ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT! 1166 01:03:44,620 --> 01:03:47,554 I COULD HANDLE THE CRAPPY APARTMENT AND THE PEDESTRIAN JOB. 1167 01:03:47,623 --> 01:03:51,059 BUT NOW YOU'RE TELLING ME I'M A 35-YEAR-OLD, PARADE MAGAZINE-READING VIRGIN? 1168 01:03:51,127 --> 01:03:53,060 WELL, YOU, SIR, ARE PATHETIC! 1169 01:03:53,129 --> 01:03:56,564 SO FORGET ABOUT SENDING ME BACK, BECAUSE I'M NOT LEAVING UNTIL WE DO A COMPLETE OVERHAUL... 1170 01:03:56,632 --> 01:03:59,066 ON THIS SAD THING YOU CALL A LIFE. 1171 01:03:59,135 --> 01:04:01,468 CAN I STILL READ PARADE? NO, YOU CANNOT! 1172 01:04:04,741 --> 01:04:07,675 WE'VE GOT A BIG DAY OF OVERHAULING YOUR LIFE AHEAD. 1173 01:04:07,744 --> 01:04:10,178 FIRST WE'VE GOT TO FIX UP THIS APARTMENT-- STOP THAT. 1174 01:04:10,246 --> 01:04:12,179 WHAT? WHY ARE YOU STARING AT MY GENITALS? 1175 01:04:12,248 --> 01:04:15,016 I'M NOT ALLOWED TO TELL YOU ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR OWN FUTURE, BUT I WILL SAY THIS-- 1176 01:04:15,085 --> 01:04:17,018 ENJOY YOUR LEFT TESTICLE WHILE YOU CAN. 1177 01:04:17,087 --> 01:04:19,020 WHAT? I'VE SAID TOO MUCH. 1178 01:04:20,923 --> 01:04:22,590 SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK? 1179 01:04:22,658 --> 01:04:26,027 I'VE GOT TO HAND IT TO YOU. IT REALLY IS AN IMPROVEMENT. 1180 01:04:26,096 --> 01:04:28,529 AND YOU HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN THE BEST PART. 1181 01:04:28,598 --> 01:04:31,132 STRESS-RELEASE CANDLES FOR THOSE EXTRA-TOUGH DAYS AT THE OFFICE. 1182 01:04:31,200 --> 01:04:34,669 YOU DON'T KNOW THE HALF OF IT. ON TUESDAYS I WORK RETURNS. 1183 01:04:34,737 --> 01:04:38,373 I BOUGHT THIS BOOM BOX HERE, AND IT'S GOT THIS HIGH-PITCHED WHINE. 1184 01:04:38,441 --> 01:04:40,541 WELL, LET'S HAVE A LOOK. 1185 01:04:40,610 --> 01:04:43,244 [ Crying ] HA-HA! IT'S YOURS NOW, SUCKER! 1186 01:04:43,312 --> 01:04:47,014 ALL RIGHT, NOW THAT YOU'VE GOT A SWINGING PAD, IT'S TIME TO BRING FRAN BACK HERE... 1187 01:04:47,083 --> 01:04:49,349 AND, UM, YOU KNOW. 1188 01:04:50,386 --> 01:04:52,319 WHAT? WELL, I HAVE NO IDEA. 1189 01:04:52,388 --> 01:04:54,822 I THOUGHT YOU KNEW. NO, I HAVE NO IDEA. 1190 01:04:54,891 --> 01:04:57,825 YOU'RE THE ADULT HERE. I WAS COUNTING ON YOU TO KNOW THE MECHANICS, BECAUSE-- 1191 01:04:57,894 --> 01:05:01,361 WELL, LET'S FACE IT, AS A BABY ALL I'VE GOT TO GO ON IS BEER COMMERCIAL INNUENDO... 1192 01:05:01,431 --> 01:05:03,430 AND THAT MYTH ABOUT WHERE BABIES COME FROM. 1193 01:05:05,402 --> 01:05:07,701 OH, MY GOD! THE STORK! 1194 01:05:12,075 --> 01:05:14,007 WHERE'S MY BABY? 1195 01:05:14,077 --> 01:05:17,010 SWEETIE, YOU AND ME ARE GONNA MAKE THE BABY. 1196 01:05:17,080 --> 01:05:20,347 ♪♪ [ Slow Funk ] 1197 01:05:21,918 --> 01:05:23,851 WHICH LAW AND ORDER IS THIS? 1198 01:05:23,919 --> 01:05:27,521 THIS IS LAW AND ORDER: P.C.A.M.P.I.E.O.F.T.D.-- 1199 01:05:27,590 --> 01:05:31,191 PETTY CRIMES AGAINST MUNICIPAL PROPERTY IN EXCESS OF FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS. 1200 01:05:31,260 --> 01:05:33,193 OH, THAT KID'S SPRAYING GRAFFITI. 1201 01:05:33,262 --> 01:05:35,863 THAT IS NOT GONNA BE CHEAP TO HAVE THAT WALL REPAINTED. 1202 01:05:35,932 --> 01:05:37,864 KIDS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 1203 01:05:37,933 --> 01:05:41,536 MOM, DAD, VANESSA WANTS US TO PUT YOU GUYS IN A RETIREMENT HOME. 1204 01:05:41,604 --> 01:05:43,537 BUT I THINK IT'S RIDICULOUS. 1205 01:05:43,606 --> 01:05:45,539 A RETIREMENT HOME? 1206 01:05:45,608 --> 01:05:48,075 NOW, VANESSA SAYS IT'S NOT THAT BAD, MOM. 1207 01:05:48,144 --> 01:05:50,911 SHE SAYS THEY HAVE PEOPLE THERE WHO WILL WIPE YOUR BOTTOM. 1208 01:05:50,980 --> 01:05:53,347 YOU GOTTA BE YANKIN' ME. THAT IS SWEET! 1209 01:05:53,416 --> 01:05:55,349 THAT DOESN'T SOUND RIDICULOUS AT ALL, MEG. 1210 01:05:55,418 --> 01:05:57,618 MY NAME IS RON. 1211 01:05:57,686 --> 01:06:01,922 OH, I WISH BRIAN WERE HERE. HE'D NEVER LET YOU PUT US IN A HOME. 1212 01:06:01,991 --> 01:06:04,925 OH, BUT AT LEAST HE'S IN A BETTER PLACE NOW. 1213 01:06:04,994 --> 01:06:06,927 WOW, LOOK AT ME. 1214 01:06:06,996 --> 01:06:10,430 HANGING OUT DRINKING WITH ERNEST HEMINGWAY, VAN GOGH AND KURT COBAIN. 1215 01:06:10,500 --> 01:06:13,935 STILL, IT FEELS LIKE WE ALL GOT HERE A LITTLE EARLIER THAN WE SHOULD HAVE. 1216 01:06:14,003 --> 01:06:18,172 WELL, I FINALLY COLLAPSED UNDER THE WEIGHT OF MY OWN GENIUS AND SHOT MYSELF. 1217 01:06:18,240 --> 01:06:20,174 I COULD NOT RECONCILE MY PASSION... 1218 01:06:20,242 --> 01:06:23,678 WITH THE WAY PEOPLE AROUND ME WERE LIVING, SO I SHOT MYSELF. 1219 01:06:23,746 --> 01:06:26,681 I HATED THE THOUGHT OF MY MUSIC BECOMING PART OF SOME BLAND CORPORATE MECHANISM, 1220 01:06:26,749 --> 01:06:28,682 SO I SHOT MYSELF. 1221 01:06:28,751 --> 01:06:32,419 YEAH, I, UH, I GOT INTO THE GARBAGE AND ATE SOME CHOCOLATE. 1222 01:06:36,091 --> 01:06:38,025 MY WORD! 1223 01:06:38,094 --> 01:06:41,529 YES, EVIDENTLY THE RAZOR WASN'T INVENTED TILL SOMETIME IN THE LATE '80s. 1224 01:06:41,597 --> 01:06:43,530 OKAY, THEN LET'S BEGIN. 1225 01:06:43,600 --> 01:06:46,033 AND HERE WE GO. AND WATCH MY HAND. AND ONE, TWO, THREE. 1226 01:06:46,102 --> 01:06:49,136 PUT IT IN, TAKE IT OUT. PUT IT IN, TAKE IT OUT. 1227 01:06:49,205 --> 01:06:50,905 ♪ I AM THE MONARCH OF THE SEA ♪ 1228 01:06:50,974 --> 01:06:52,773 ♪ THE RULER OF THE QUEEN'S NAVY ♪ 1229 01:06:52,842 --> 01:06:54,541 ♪ WHOSE PRAISE GREAT BRITAIN LOUDLY CHANTS ♪ 1230 01:06:54,611 --> 01:06:56,410 ♪ AND WE ARE HIS SISTERS AND HIS COUSINS AND HIS AUNTS ♪♪ 1231 01:06:56,479 --> 01:07:00,781 GOOD, YOU'VE GOT THE RHYTHM. NOW TRY IT WITH SWISS CHEESE. TAKE IT FROM THE TOP. 1232 01:07:09,792 --> 01:07:11,726 I REALLY ENJOYED THE MOVIE TONIGHT. 1233 01:07:11,794 --> 01:07:14,729 AND I'M NOT TIRED AT ALL. OH, YEAH? GOOD, GOOD. 1234 01:07:14,797 --> 01:07:16,797 I ENJOYED THE MOVIE TOO. 1235 01:07:18,400 --> 01:07:21,969 OH, HEY, I HEAR THEY'RE EXTENDING OUR STORE HOURS UNTIL 9:30. 1236 01:07:22,038 --> 01:07:23,971 OH, THAT'S, UM-- 1237 01:07:24,040 --> 01:07:25,973 THAT'S GREAT. 1238 01:07:26,042 --> 01:07:27,641 LET'S HAVE SEX! WHAT? DEFINITELY! 1239 01:07:27,710 --> 01:07:29,343 I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 1240 01:07:29,412 --> 01:07:32,846 WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? I CAN'T GO THROUGH WITH THIS. WHY THE HELL NOT? 1241 01:07:32,915 --> 01:07:34,849 I-I-I'M TOO NERVOUS. 1242 01:07:34,918 --> 01:07:36,850 [ Fran ] I'M PUTTING IN MY DIAPHRAGM! 1243 01:07:36,919 --> 01:07:39,853 SEE? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS. GET IN THERE! 1244 01:07:39,923 --> 01:07:41,856 NO! NO! YOU LISTEN TO ME. 1245 01:07:41,924 --> 01:07:43,858 YOU LISTEN TO ME, STEWART GRIFFIN. 1246 01:07:43,927 --> 01:07:45,859 YOU MARCH IN THERE RIGHT NOW AND... 1247 01:07:45,928 --> 01:07:48,128 "INSERT YOUR PHALLUS INTO HER VAGINA." 1248 01:07:48,197 --> 01:07:50,198 GO! 1249 01:07:53,302 --> 01:07:55,736 I-- I'M SORRY. THAT'S, UM-- 1250 01:07:55,805 --> 01:07:57,738 THAT'S NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE. 1251 01:07:57,807 --> 01:08:01,742 WHICH PART? THE EIGHT SECONDS OF SEX, OR THE 40 MINUTES OF CRYING? 1252 01:08:01,811 --> 01:08:03,744 UH, I GUESS BOTH. 1253 01:08:04,980 --> 01:08:07,915 DO I-- DO I GIVE YOU MONEY OR SOMETHING? 1254 01:08:07,983 --> 01:08:09,983 YEAH, I'M GONNA GO. 1255 01:08:13,055 --> 01:08:15,989 EIGHT SECONDS! THAT'S TWICE AS GOOD AS YOU DID IN REHEARSAL. 1256 01:08:16,058 --> 01:08:19,994 STU, I HEARD FROM JUAN IN CAR STEREO INSTALLATION ABOUT WHAT YOU DID TO FRAN. 1257 01:08:20,062 --> 01:08:21,996 INTEROFFICE SEX IS PROHIBITED, 1258 01:08:22,065 --> 01:08:25,165 REGARDLESS OF HOW HILARIOUSLY BRIEF AND UNSATISFYING IT WAS. 1259 01:08:25,234 --> 01:08:27,167 YOU'RE FIRED. [ Gasps ] 1260 01:08:27,236 --> 01:08:30,170 FIRED? OH, THIS IS NOT GOOD. OH, DEAR. 1261 01:08:30,240 --> 01:08:35,075 THIS IS ALMOST AS BAD AS WHEN PETER GOT FIRED AS THE FIRST DIRECTOR OF TERMS OF ENDEARMENT. 1262 01:08:35,144 --> 01:08:37,577 KIDS, I DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME LEFT, 1263 01:08:37,647 --> 01:08:40,580 AND I CAN'T TALK FOR TOO LONG 'CAUSE I GET REAL UPSET. 1264 01:08:40,650 --> 01:08:43,083 I WANT YOU TO MAKE A LOT OF FRIENDS, 1265 01:08:43,152 --> 01:08:47,087 AND BE REAL NICE TO THE GIRLS-- THEY'RE GONNA BE REAL IMPORTANT TO YOU AFTER I'M GONE. 1266 01:08:47,156 --> 01:08:49,156 [ Peter ] SWEET. 1267 01:08:52,761 --> 01:08:55,696 OH, CHEER UP. YOU DIDN'T NEED THAT CRAPPY JOB ANYWAY. 1268 01:08:55,765 --> 01:08:58,866 YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SPEAK. YOU HAVE RUINED EVERYTHING! 1269 01:08:58,935 --> 01:09:02,870 NICE. I DONATE MY TIME TRYING TO FIX YOUR PATHETIC LIFE, AND THIS IS THE THANKS I GET? 1270 01:09:02,938 --> 01:09:05,873 WELL, IT'S NOT THE FIRST GIFT THAT'S EVER GONE UNAPPRECIATED. 1271 01:09:05,941 --> 01:09:07,875 MERRY CHRISTMAS, SWEETHEART. 1272 01:09:07,944 --> 01:09:10,378 OH, PETER, THANK YOU! 1273 01:09:10,446 --> 01:09:13,814 AN ARCADE-STYLE GALAGA MACHINE. [ Chuckles ] 1274 01:09:13,883 --> 01:09:15,816 OH, THANK YOU, PETER-- 1275 01:09:15,885 --> 01:09:18,519 MOVE! [ Beeping ] 1276 01:09:18,587 --> 01:09:22,022 LOOK, ALL RIGHT, I'LL ADMIT THAT MAYBE THINGS HAVEN'T GONE EXACTLY TO PLAN. 1277 01:09:22,091 --> 01:09:25,025 WE'LL GO HOME AND REGROUP AND HIT 'EM HARD TOMORROW. 1278 01:09:25,094 --> 01:09:27,295 GOOD LORD! MY APARTMENT! 1279 01:09:29,365 --> 01:09:32,599 LOOKS LIKE THE CAUSE OF THE FIRE WERE THESE STRESS-RELEASE CANDLES. 1280 01:09:32,668 --> 01:09:35,269 HUH! ♪ IRONY ♪ 1281 01:09:41,543 --> 01:09:44,478 I DON'T KNOW, PETER. THIS PLACE IS PRETTY DEPRESSING. 1282 01:09:44,547 --> 01:09:47,481 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? IT'S JUST LIKE OLD TIMES. HEY, CLEVELAND. 1283 01:09:47,550 --> 01:09:51,185 HELLO, 1284 01:09:51,254 --> 01:09:53,653 PETER. 1285 01:09:53,722 --> 01:09:55,655 HEY, JOE, HOW ARE THINGS SINCE THE OPERATION? 1286 01:09:55,724 --> 01:09:58,158 OH, GREAT, PETER. [ Chuckles ] 1287 01:09:58,227 --> 01:10:01,428 WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED I'D BE ONE OF THE FEW NOT IN A WHEELCHAIR? 1288 01:10:01,496 --> 01:10:03,431 I SURE DO MISS BONNIE THOUGH. 1289 01:10:03,499 --> 01:10:05,766 IT'S AMAZING THEY WERE ABLE TO GIVE YOU HER LEGS. 1290 01:10:05,835 --> 01:10:09,704 ♪ WHO WEARS SHORT SHORTS ♪ I WEAR SHORT SHORTS! 1291 01:10:09,772 --> 01:10:12,072 HEY, GLENN. HOW'S THE ARTHRITIS? 1292 01:10:12,141 --> 01:10:15,076 AH, NOT BAD. COURSE, SINCE YOU WALKED IN I'M FEELIN' A LITTLE STIFF! 1293 01:10:15,144 --> 01:10:18,079 GIGGEDY-GIGG-- OH! I JUST POOPED A LITTLE. 1294 01:10:18,147 --> 01:10:22,015 OH, THAT'S NASTY. 1295 01:10:23,852 --> 01:10:27,287 UM, HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT I DO WHEN I'M FEELING DOWN? 1296 01:10:27,356 --> 01:10:29,289 I PLAY THE GLAD GAME. 1297 01:10:29,358 --> 01:10:32,793 I THINK ABOUT ALL THE THINGS THAT MAKE ME GLAD. LET'S TRY IT, SHALL WE? 1298 01:10:32,862 --> 01:10:35,796 UM... PINWHEELS. 1299 01:10:35,865 --> 01:10:38,932 A BIG WEDGE OF CAKE FROM THE FAIR. 1300 01:10:40,069 --> 01:10:43,036 A DOODAD TO WEAR IN YOUR HAT. 1301 01:10:44,140 --> 01:10:46,573 ALL RIGHT, I'M SORRY. IT'S ALL MY FAULT. 1302 01:10:46,642 --> 01:10:48,575 [ Sighs ] NO, IT'S MY FAULT. 1303 01:10:48,644 --> 01:10:51,212 MY WHOLE LIFE'S BEEN A MESS EVER SINCE THAT NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE. 1304 01:10:51,280 --> 01:10:53,714 - I MEAN, NOTHING GOES RIGHT-- - WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. 1305 01:10:53,783 --> 01:10:56,717 NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE? AT THE COMMUNITY POOL? 1306 01:10:56,786 --> 01:10:59,720 - BUT THAT WAS NOTHING. - WELL, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT AT FIRST. 1307 01:10:59,788 --> 01:11:03,123 BUT AROUND THE TIME OF MY 20th BIRTHDAY I STARTED HAVING NIGHTMARES. 1308 01:11:03,192 --> 01:11:06,126 THEN MY THERAPIST SAID I'VE BEEN SUPPRESSING SOME VERY COMPLEX EMOTIONS... 1309 01:11:06,195 --> 01:11:08,428 THAT MAY WELL HAVE CAUSED ME TO TAKE FEWER RISKS. 1310 01:11:08,497 --> 01:11:11,198 WELL, THEN, IT SEEMS THERE'S ONLY ONE THING TO DO. 1311 01:11:11,266 --> 01:11:13,200 I MUST RETURN TO THE PAST... 1312 01:11:13,268 --> 01:11:16,203 TO ENSURE I NEVER HAVE THE CLOSE CALL WITH THAT LIFEGUARD TOWER IN THE FIRST PLACE. 1313 01:11:16,271 --> 01:11:19,206 OH, I JUST THOUGHT OF ANOTHER ONE FOR THE GLAD GAME. 1314 01:11:19,274 --> 01:11:22,976 THE FIRST SCISSOR CUT INTO A FRESH PIECE OF CONSTRUCTION PAPER. 1315 01:11:23,045 --> 01:11:25,045 OH, YEAH! 1316 01:11:27,116 --> 01:11:28,816 HERE'S WHAT WE DO. 1317 01:11:28,884 --> 01:11:31,819 YOU BUY ME ONE OF THOSE TIME-TRAVEL WATCHES, 1318 01:11:31,887 --> 01:11:34,822 AND I'LL GO BACK TO MY OWN TIME AND STOP THAT NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE. 1319 01:11:34,890 --> 01:11:38,525 I CAN'T AFFORD ONE. I DON'T HAVE A JOB. HOW HARD IS IT TO GET A NEW JOB? 1320 01:11:38,594 --> 01:11:40,594 EVEN I HAD THAT JOB AT THE AIRPORT. 1321 01:11:41,664 --> 01:11:43,597 JONNY QUEST. 1322 01:11:43,666 --> 01:11:45,599 OKAY. WELCOME ABOARD. 1323 01:11:45,668 --> 01:11:47,601 DR. BENTON QUEST. 1324 01:11:47,669 --> 01:11:50,104 ALL RIGHT. HAVE A GOOD FLIGHT. 1325 01:11:50,173 --> 01:11:52,105 HADJI. HMM. 1326 01:11:52,175 --> 01:11:55,142 UM, LISTEN, YOU'VE BEEN RANDOMLY SELECTED FOR ADDITIONAL SCREENING. 1327 01:11:55,211 --> 01:11:57,243 BUT YOU DIDN'T EVEN TYPE ANYTHING IN. 1328 01:11:57,312 --> 01:11:59,580 IF IT WERE UP TO ME, YOU'D BE ON THAT FLIGHT. 1329 01:11:59,648 --> 01:12:04,118 BUT, UH, I'M GONNA NEED YOU TO TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES AND THAT LOVELY, UH, HAT. 1330 01:12:04,186 --> 01:12:07,420 SIM-SIM-SALABIM! YEAH, I'D CUT BACK ON THAT. 1331 01:12:07,489 --> 01:12:09,856 WE'LL HAVE TO BORROW THE MONEY FROM MOMMY AND DADDY. 1332 01:12:09,925 --> 01:12:11,859 AAAH! NEVER CALL THEM THAT AGAIN! 1333 01:12:11,927 --> 01:12:15,195 IT'S LOIS AND THE FAT MAN! DO YOU HEAR ME? YES! YES! 1334 01:12:15,264 --> 01:12:18,199 SMELLS LIKE HEAD & SHOULDERS. BUT YOU DON'T HAVE DANDRUFF. 1335 01:12:18,267 --> 01:12:21,134 EXACTLY! AH! 1336 01:12:23,673 --> 01:12:27,007 AND NOW HERE'S DIANE WITH A LOOK AT TRAFFIC. THANKS, TOM. 1337 01:12:27,076 --> 01:12:30,010 THERE WAS A MAJOR PILE-UP IN THE AMBULATORY WING THIS MORNING... 1338 01:12:30,079 --> 01:12:32,512 WHEN ONE OF THE RESIDENTS VOMITED IN THE HALLWAY. 1339 01:12:32,582 --> 01:12:36,116 AND IN INTERNATIONAL NEWS, I'M FAIRLY CERTAIN THAT FILIPINO NURSE IS STEALING FROM ME. 1340 01:12:37,119 --> 01:12:39,052 OH, HEY, YOU TWO. 1341 01:12:39,121 --> 01:12:42,055 WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE? LOIS, PABLO HERE NEEDS YOUR HELP. 1342 01:12:42,124 --> 01:12:44,058 CAN WE DROP THE WHOLE PABLO THING? 1343 01:12:44,126 --> 01:12:48,729 - DO YOU THINK I DON'T REMEMBER MY OWN LITTLE STEWIE? - YOU CLEVER, CLEVER SHREW! 1344 01:12:48,798 --> 01:12:51,298 STU, YOU COULD GET IN A LOT OF TROUBLE FOR THIS. 1345 01:12:51,367 --> 01:12:53,299 TAKE HIM BACK TO HIS OWN TIME. 1346 01:12:53,368 --> 01:12:56,237 WELL, THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE. I NEED A LOAN. 1347 01:12:56,305 --> 01:12:59,240 DONE. THIS IS A SECRET ACCOUNT PETER CAN'T ACCESS. 1348 01:12:59,308 --> 01:13:01,742 I NEVER COULD TRUST HIM WITH MONEY. 1349 01:13:01,810 --> 01:13:04,845 LIKE THE TIME HE SPENT MEG'S COLLEGE MONEY ON THAT MEDIEVAL CATAPULT. 1350 01:13:04,914 --> 01:13:07,548 [ Catapult Releases ] HEY! 1351 01:13:07,617 --> 01:13:12,486 EXCELLENT. THESE DOMINOES ARE SET UP EXACTLY AS I WANT THEM, RIGHT NEXT TO THE GOOD CHINA. 1352 01:13:12,554 --> 01:13:15,489 NOW I'LL JUST PLACE THIS PRICELESS FABERGÉ EGG IN THE CENTER, 1353 01:13:15,557 --> 01:13:17,992 RIGHT NEXT TO MY NEWBORN HEMOPHILIAC BABY. 1354 01:13:18,060 --> 01:13:19,659 [ Thud ] 1355 01:13:19,728 --> 01:13:21,661 HEY, THOSE YOURS? YES. 1356 01:13:21,730 --> 01:13:23,664 OH. THOSE ARE ALL REALLY NICE THINGS. 1357 01:13:23,732 --> 01:13:27,367 THANK YOU. YOU HEAR THAT, EVAN? WE WERE COMPLIMENTED. 1358 01:13:27,436 --> 01:13:30,371 TAKE AS MUCH MONEY AS YOU NEED, BUT THERE'S A COUPLE OF CONDITIONS. 1359 01:13:30,439 --> 01:13:34,875 ON YOUR WAY BACK TO THE PAST, MAKE SURE CHRIS NEVER MARRIES THAT BITCH VANESSA. 1360 01:13:34,944 --> 01:13:39,379 AND I WANT A PROMISE THAT I WON'T SPEND MY OLD AGE IN A PLACE LIKE THIS. 1361 01:13:39,448 --> 01:13:43,884 OH, BELIEVE ME, LOIS, I PROMISE YOU WILL NEVER END UP IN A RETIREMENT HOME. 1362 01:13:43,952 --> 01:13:46,953 [ Sinister Cackling ] 1363 01:13:59,101 --> 01:14:01,034 [ Sighs ] 1364 01:14:01,103 --> 01:14:03,036 ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO THIS. 1365 01:14:07,710 --> 01:14:09,843 WELL, I SUPPOSE THIS IS IT. 1366 01:14:09,912 --> 01:14:14,347 I JUST HIT ME THAT IF YOU ARE SUCCESSFUL IN PREVENTING OUR NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE, 1367 01:14:14,417 --> 01:14:17,016 IT'LL TURN ME INTO AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT STU. 1368 01:14:17,085 --> 01:14:19,019 THEN YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO? 1369 01:14:19,088 --> 01:14:22,523 SINCE THE TIME LINE IS GOING TO CHANGE ANYWAY, YOU SHOULD GET REALLY FAT. 1370 01:14:22,591 --> 01:14:28,094 GO BUY A WHOLE PINT OF ICE CREAM AND SHOVEL DOWN THE WHOLE THING. I MEAN, JUST REALLY PIG OUT. 1371 01:14:28,163 --> 01:14:30,097 OOH, THAT'S BRILLIANT! 1372 01:14:30,165 --> 01:14:33,767 HEY, AND IF THE CITY THINKS I'M PAYING THIS PARKING TICKET, THEY ARE DREAMING! 1373 01:14:37,206 --> 01:14:40,207 NO, I'M NOT REALLY GONNA DO IT, YOU KNOW, JUST IN CASE. 1374 01:14:41,343 --> 01:14:44,177 GOOD-BYE, STEWIE. SO LONG, STU. 1375 01:14:47,983 --> 01:14:51,417 AND IF ANYONE HAS ANY OBJECTION TO THIS UNION OF CHRIS AND VANESSA, 1376 01:14:51,486 --> 01:14:54,488 LET THEM SPEAK NOW OR FOREVER HOLD THEIR PEACE. 1377 01:14:55,757 --> 01:14:57,458 UH, I DO. 1378 01:14:57,526 --> 01:15:00,794 [ Guests Shouting, Gasping ] 1379 01:15:00,863 --> 01:15:04,331 SO, DON'T LET THIS KEEP YOU FROM ENJOYING THE RECEPTION, 1380 01:15:04,400 --> 01:15:06,833 WHERE I'M SURE THEY'LL BE PLAYING THE CHICKEN DANCE. 1381 01:15:06,902 --> 01:15:09,670 SO ENJOY THE CHICKEN DANCE. 1382 01:15:11,073 --> 01:15:14,408 ♪♪ [ Funk ] DAMN! I OVERSHOT IT! 1383 01:15:14,476 --> 01:15:17,610 1974. UNIVERSITY OF DENVER. 1384 01:15:17,679 --> 01:15:20,280 I SAY, CONDOLEEZZA RICE GOES HERE. 1385 01:15:20,349 --> 01:15:25,919 DAMN! I AIN'T NEVER GONNA LET THE MAN GET ME DOWN, CRAZY CRACKERS! 1386 01:15:25,988 --> 01:15:28,688 BLACK PANTHERS STAND TALL! 1387 01:15:29,858 --> 01:15:31,792 MMM! 1388 01:15:36,899 --> 01:15:38,832 BLAST! THIS ISN'T THE POOL EITHER! 1389 01:15:38,900 --> 01:15:41,535 BUT AT LEAST I'VE ARRIVED ON THE CORRECT DATE. 1390 01:15:42,671 --> 01:15:45,939 ONLY 30 MINUTES BEFORE THE TOWER FALLS! 1391 01:15:46,008 --> 01:15:48,041 [ Beeps ] 1392 01:15:49,311 --> 01:15:51,979 DAMN! I'VE GOT TO GET TO THAT SWIM MEET! 1393 01:15:57,987 --> 01:15:59,986 HUH? 1394 01:16:03,692 --> 01:16:07,127 HI. STEWIE GRIFFIN. STEWIE GRIFFIN. HI. HOW ARE YOU? 1395 01:16:09,732 --> 01:16:11,664 HUH? 1396 01:16:11,734 --> 01:16:13,933 [ Gasps ] SMELLS GOOD. DINNER'S READY. 1397 01:16:46,635 --> 01:16:50,203 [ Gasping ] PROBABLY SHOULDN'T HAVE MILKED THAT LANDING. 1398 01:16:51,773 --> 01:16:53,273 [ Panting ] 1399 01:16:58,013 --> 01:17:00,613 - [ Gasps ] - [ Beeping ] 1400 01:17:00,682 --> 01:17:02,549 [ Grunts ] 1401 01:17:02,617 --> 01:17:04,551 DON'T... PRESS THAT. 1402 01:17:04,619 --> 01:17:08,188 FUTURE... 35-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN... 1403 01:17:08,256 --> 01:17:11,058 FRAN! FRAN! 1404 01:17:11,126 --> 01:17:13,126 FRAN! WHAT THE DEVIL? 1405 01:17:14,430 --> 01:17:16,863 YES! I DID IT! I STOPPED THE TOWER FROM FALLING! 1406 01:17:16,932 --> 01:17:18,865 WHO ARE YOU? I'M YOU, FROM THE FUTURE. 1407 01:17:18,934 --> 01:17:20,867 FROM THE FUTURE? MY WORD! 1408 01:17:20,936 --> 01:17:23,870 DID THEY EVER FIND A SUCCESSFUL VEHICLE FOR ELLEN CLEGHORNE? 1409 01:17:23,939 --> 01:17:27,374 OH, THAT'S SO FUNNY. I ASKED THAT VERY SAME QUESTION AND NEVER GOT AN ANSWER. 1410 01:17:27,443 --> 01:17:29,543 WELL, THEN YOU'RE AS DISPOSABLE AS SHE IS! 1411 01:17:29,612 --> 01:17:31,544 OH, COME ON, MY LITTLE CHAMPION. 1412 01:17:31,613 --> 01:17:34,514 OH, MY GOD! AT LEAST HAVE THE DECENCY TO CARRY ME, YOU LAZY SKANK! 1413 01:17:34,583 --> 01:17:36,516 OF COURSE, IT IS COMFORTABLE-- 1414 01:17:36,584 --> 01:17:38,518 [ Snoring ] 1415 01:17:38,587 --> 01:17:42,989 HEY, THANKS AGAIN FOR EXPLAINING FOOTBALL TO ME, MR.-- SORRY. I DIDN'T CATCH YOUR NAME. 1416 01:17:43,058 --> 01:17:45,993 - [ Chuckling ] YOU CAN CALL ME RON. - RON, HUH? 1417 01:17:46,061 --> 01:17:50,264 YOU KNOW, I'VE ALWAYS REALLY LIKED THAT NAME-- RON. 1418 01:18:07,683 --> 01:18:10,150 OH. OH. OH, COME ON. 1419 01:18:10,218 --> 01:18:12,152 COME ON. COME ON! 1420 01:18:12,220 --> 01:18:14,487 COME ON! OH! OH! THAT'S IT! 1421 01:18:14,556 --> 01:18:18,024 THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT. YES. YES! YES! 1422 01:18:18,093 --> 01:18:20,026 EAT MY DUST, CRASH BANDICOOT! 1423 01:18:20,095 --> 01:18:22,529 [ Floor Director ] TOM, YOU'RE ON IN TWO. GOOD EVENING. 1424 01:18:22,598 --> 01:18:25,365 FOR YOU PEOPLE JUST JOINING US AFTER FAST-FORWARDING THROUGH THE "MOVIE"... 1425 01:18:25,434 --> 01:18:27,367 TO GET TO THE EXTRA MATERIAL, 1426 01:18:27,436 --> 01:18:29,469 WE'RE COVERING THE FAMILY GUY WRAP PARTY. 1427 01:18:29,538 --> 01:18:31,471 WE'RE GOING LIVE TO THE DRUNKEN CLAM... 1428 01:18:31,540 --> 01:18:34,874 WHERE ASIAN REPORTER TRICIA TAKANAWA IS HAVING A FEW DRINKS... 1429 01:18:34,943 --> 01:18:36,943 AND REPORTEDLY LOVED THE MOVIE LONG TIME. 1430 01:18:37,012 --> 01:18:39,947 - TRICIA? - THANK YOU, DIANE. 1431 01:18:40,015 --> 01:18:44,684 I THINK "MILDLY ENTERTAINED" WOULD BE THE BEST WAY TO DESCRIBE THE REACTION... 1432 01:18:44,753 --> 01:18:46,686 HERE AT THE AFTER-PARTY. 1433 01:18:46,755 --> 01:18:51,191 HORACE THE BARTENDER HAS REALLY OUTDONE HIMSELF WITH THE DECORATIONS. 1434 01:18:51,260 --> 01:18:55,195 THERE ARE BALLOONS AND STREAMERS. 1435 01:18:55,264 --> 01:18:59,166 NOW LET'S GET SOME REACTIONS FROM THESE HUGE FAMILY GUY FANS. 1436 01:18:59,235 --> 01:19:01,168 HOW'D YOU LIKE THE MOVIE, SIR? 1437 01:19:01,237 --> 01:19:03,469 IT SUCKED. BIG WHOOP. WANNA FIGHT ABOUT IT? 1438 01:19:03,538 --> 01:19:06,806 WHO DO I SEE ABOUT GETTING THE LAST TWO HOURS OF MY LIFE BACK? 1439 01:19:06,875 --> 01:19:09,810 IF I WANTED TO HEAR 81 MINUTES OF GAY BASHIN', 1440 01:19:09,878 --> 01:19:12,145 I WOULD'VE GONE TO MY FATHER'S HOUSE. 1441 01:19:12,214 --> 01:19:16,215 TERRIFIC. AND HERE COMES THE FAMILY OF THE HOUR. 1442 01:19:16,284 --> 01:19:19,419 [ Applause, Cheering ] 1443 01:19:19,488 --> 01:19:22,422 WILL THERE BE A SEQUEL? IS IT TRUE YOU'RE RUNNING FOR MAYOR? 1444 01:19:22,491 --> 01:19:25,325 DO YOU THINK CAPONE AND HIS CRONIES WILL RULE THE STREETS OF CHICAGO FOREVER? 1445 01:19:26,395 --> 01:19:28,762 I'M STANDING HERE WITH PETER GRIFFIN. 1446 01:19:28,830 --> 01:19:31,298 PETER, CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR BIG NIGHT. 1447 01:19:31,367 --> 01:19:33,300 THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 1448 01:19:33,368 --> 01:19:35,602 HEY, HOW'S MR. EDDIE'S FATHER DOIN'? 1449 01:19:35,671 --> 01:19:37,603 [ Laughs ] THAT'S FRESH. 1450 01:19:37,672 --> 01:19:40,073 PETER, HOW DO YOU RESPOND TO THE ACCUSATIONS... 1451 01:19:40,142 --> 01:19:43,076 THAT YOU WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE SERIES' CANCELLATION? 1452 01:19:43,145 --> 01:19:45,078 WELL, THE SHOW HAD BEEN ON FOR A WHILE. 1453 01:19:45,147 --> 01:19:49,082 I WAS TALKING TO ALAN ALDA, AND HE SAID THE SAME THING THAT DOC COSBY TOLD ME-- 1454 01:19:49,151 --> 01:19:52,986 THAT IT WAS MY FACE OUT THERE, AND I SHOULD TAKE CREATIVE CONTROL. 1455 01:19:53,055 --> 01:19:57,557 SO I DID. WE PUSHED THE ENVELOPE, CREATIVELY, AND I STAND BY MY WORK. 1456 01:19:57,626 --> 01:19:59,559 ♪♪ [ Drums, Maracas ] 1457 01:19:59,628 --> 01:20:02,562 PETER, CAN WE CUT? THIS ISN'T WORKIN' FOR ME. 1458 01:20:02,631 --> 01:20:05,565 WHO YELLS CUT, CLEVELAND? THE ONLY ONE WHO YELLS CUT IS THE DIRECTOR. 1459 01:20:05,634 --> 01:20:08,568 LOOK, IF YOU WANT ME TO DO THIS CHICK, I'LL DO HER. 1460 01:20:08,637 --> 01:20:11,571 BUT DON'T MAKE ME GO THROUGH ALL THIS BULL. 1461 01:20:11,640 --> 01:20:14,307 YOU'RE SHOWIN' A REAL UGLY SIDE, GRIFFIN. 1462 01:20:14,376 --> 01:20:16,309 DID I MISS MY CUE? 1463 01:20:16,378 --> 01:20:19,812 ALTHOUGH I PROBABLY PUSHED THINGS TOO FAR WHEN I DID THE INCEST EPISODE. 1464 01:20:19,881 --> 01:20:21,814 [ Stammering ] 1465 01:20:21,884 --> 01:20:24,050 HI, MOM. HI, CHRIS. 1466 01:20:25,653 --> 01:20:27,988 WRONG! IT'S WRONG! 1467 01:20:28,056 --> 01:20:31,491 STILL, THAT SAID, I'M NOT THE ONE WHO PUT US UP AGAINST FRIENDS AND SURVIVOR. 1468 01:20:31,560 --> 01:20:33,493 WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING SINCE? 1469 01:20:33,562 --> 01:20:35,862 I HAD A COUPLE OF PART-TIME JOBS THAT DIDN'T WORK OUT. 1470 01:20:37,332 --> 01:20:40,934 I THOUGHT YOU COULD GO IN THE SUIT, LIKE THE ASTRONAUTS. 1471 01:20:42,171 --> 01:20:44,103 I THOUGHT YOU COULD GO IN THE SUIT, 1472 01:20:44,173 --> 01:20:45,738 LIKE THE ASTRONAUTS. 1473 01:20:47,142 --> 01:20:49,075 HEY, I GOTTA TAKE A LEAK. PETER! 1474 01:20:49,144 --> 01:20:51,244 IF YOU OPEN THAT SUIT, YOU'LL DIE. 1475 01:20:51,313 --> 01:20:54,314 RIGHT, RIGHT. WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, GET ME FIRED? 1476 01:20:54,383 --> 01:20:56,082 [ Zipper Unzips ] 1477 01:20:56,151 --> 01:20:58,151 [ Moaning ] 1478 01:21:00,022 --> 01:21:02,889 AND YOUR WIFE LOIS IS LOOKING VERY LOVELY. 1479 01:21:02,958 --> 01:21:04,858 HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE BACK? 1480 01:21:04,926 --> 01:21:09,362 IT FEELS GOOD. IT WAS A VERY DARK PERIOD FOR ME FOR A WHILE. 1481 01:21:09,431 --> 01:21:11,364 LICENSE AND REGISTRATION. DARN YOU! 1482 01:21:11,433 --> 01:21:13,366 DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? 1483 01:21:13,435 --> 01:21:15,368 I'M AFRAID I DON'T, MA'AM. 1484 01:21:15,437 --> 01:21:17,370 PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR LICENSE AND REGISTRATION. 1485 01:21:17,439 --> 01:21:20,374 MA'AM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS. 1486 01:21:20,442 --> 01:21:22,709 OWW! OWW! 1487 01:21:22,777 --> 01:21:24,777 [ Screaming ] 1488 01:21:27,015 --> 01:21:29,950 ♪♪ [ Dance Pop ] 1489 01:21:30,018 --> 01:21:31,985 ALL RIGHT! 1490 01:21:32,053 --> 01:21:34,387 SO, WHO'S GETTIN' MARRIED, HUH? YOU? 1491 01:21:34,456 --> 01:21:37,891 ALL RIGHT, SWEETHEART. WE'RE GONNA HAVE SOME FUN. 1492 01:21:37,959 --> 01:21:41,127 HERE WE GO! 1493 01:21:42,397 --> 01:21:44,897 ♪♪ [ Continues ] 1494 01:21:49,137 --> 01:21:51,471 [ Laughs ] 1495 01:21:51,540 --> 01:21:53,506 AAH! 1496 01:21:54,976 --> 01:21:57,911 HOW DO I KNOW IF I WANT IT IF I CAN'T TASTE IT? 1497 01:21:57,979 --> 01:22:00,179 DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? BONNIE FRANKLIN? 1498 01:22:00,248 --> 01:22:02,215 AAAH! [ Blows Landing ] 1499 01:22:02,284 --> 01:22:04,217 NO, YOU WERE GREAT! HA-HA-HA! 1500 01:22:04,285 --> 01:22:07,220 MY ANALYST SAID I SHOULD TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE TIME... 1501 01:22:07,288 --> 01:22:10,457 AND DO SOMETHING I'D ALWAYS WANTED TO DO, SO I COMPETED IN THE IDITAROD. 1502 01:22:10,526 --> 01:22:12,892 [ Dogs Barking, Whining ] 1503 01:22:12,961 --> 01:22:14,627 [ Exhaling ] 1504 01:22:18,032 --> 01:22:20,099 - [ Gunshot ] - [ Riders ] HYAH! HYAH! 1505 01:22:20,168 --> 01:22:22,101 WE GONNA TAKE A BATHROOM BREAK? 1506 01:22:22,170 --> 01:22:24,604 WE GONNA-- WE GONNA, UH-- 1507 01:22:24,673 --> 01:22:26,873 BATHROOM? OH, GOD. 1508 01:22:26,942 --> 01:22:29,442 [ Onlookers Cheering ] 1509 01:22:31,846 --> 01:22:35,448 SO I WORKED ON MY NOVEL AND SPENT SOME TIME GETTING TO KNOW MY FANS. 1510 01:22:35,516 --> 01:22:38,451 YOU KNOW, GIVE SOMETHING BACK TO THE PEOPLE WHO GOT ME WHERE I AM. 1511 01:22:38,520 --> 01:22:41,021 BRIAN, THIS IS MY FRIEND ANNE-MICHELLE. 1512 01:22:41,089 --> 01:22:43,689 ANNE-MICHELLE! HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DRINKIN'? 1513 01:22:43,758 --> 01:22:46,959 'CAUSE I SEE YOU ALREADY ORDERED THE HOT SAUCE. [ Laughs ] 1514 01:22:47,029 --> 01:22:50,563 HEY, BARTENDER, WHOSE LEG DO YOU HAVE TO HUMP TO GET A DRY MARTINI AROUND HERE? 1515 01:22:50,632 --> 01:22:53,066 [ Women Laughing ] NOW DO PETER. 1516 01:22:53,135 --> 01:22:56,702 OOH, HEY. FORGOT MY WALLET. CAN ONE OF YOU GUYS GET THIS? 1517 01:22:56,771 --> 01:22:59,705 UM, I DID A GUEST SPOT ON THE WEST WING. 1518 01:22:59,775 --> 01:23:04,511 IT'S NOT NORMALLY WHAT I DO, BUT I REALLY GOT A CHANCE TO FLEX MY DRAMATIC MUSCLE. 1519 01:23:04,580 --> 01:23:07,513 I GOT EIGHT GUYS FROM TALLAHASSEE WHO WANT THIS BILL PUSHED THROUGH. 1520 01:23:07,583 --> 01:23:10,516 WHAT'S THE LATEST ON THOSE REFUGEES? THEY OFF THE COAST YET? 1521 01:23:10,586 --> 01:23:13,920 WE'RE GETTING A LOT OF INTERNET CHATTER. WE CAN JUSTIFY RAISING THE THREAT LEVEL. 1522 01:23:13,989 --> 01:23:16,923 WHAT YOU DO ON YOUR OWN TIME IS NOT MY BUSINESS, 1523 01:23:16,992 --> 01:23:19,926 BUT, DAMN IT, WHEN YOU'RE HERE I WANT YOU TO MAINTAIN A PROFESSIONAL VENEER. 1524 01:23:19,995 --> 01:23:22,929 I NEED TO TALK TO JERRY ABOUT HOW WE'RE GONNA SPIN THE UNEMPLOYMENT NUMBERS. 1525 01:23:22,998 --> 01:23:26,299 GET MY WIFE ON THE PHONE! TELL HER I CHANGED MY MIND. THE BLUE DRESS IS FINE. 1526 01:23:26,367 --> 01:23:29,602 AND I NEED THE BRIEFING FOR THAT MEETING ON THE SITUATION IN ARGENTINA! 1527 01:23:34,343 --> 01:23:37,276 I FOUND IT! I FOUND THE CHEESE! 1528 01:23:37,346 --> 01:23:39,278 OH, BOY! CHEESE! 1529 01:23:39,348 --> 01:23:42,782 [ Laughing ] I LOVE YOU, CHEESE. 1530 01:23:42,851 --> 01:23:46,786 I DID A LOT OF THINGS, BUT THE THING I THINK I'M MOST PROUD OF... 1531 01:23:46,855 --> 01:23:50,090 IS WHEN I VOLUNTEERED TO ENTERTAIN THE TROOPS. 1532 01:23:50,158 --> 01:23:53,359 - ♪♪ [ Rock ] - [ Cheering ] 1533 01:23:53,428 --> 01:23:56,762 ♪ IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME ♪ 1534 01:23:57,766 --> 01:24:01,834 ♪ IF I COULD FIND A WAY ♪ 1535 01:24:01,903 --> 01:24:04,036 ♪ I'D TAKE BACK ♪ 1536 01:24:04,105 --> 01:24:07,239 [ Gasping ] ♪ THOSE WORDS THAT HURT YOU ♪ 1537 01:24:07,308 --> 01:24:09,576 ♪ AND YOU'D STAY ♪ 1538 01:24:09,645 --> 01:24:12,645 ♪ IF I COULD REACH THE STARS ♪ 1539 01:24:14,015 --> 01:24:17,650 ♪ I'D GIVE 'EM ALL TO YOU ♪ 1540 01:24:17,719 --> 01:24:19,151 [ Shouting ] 1541 01:24:19,220 --> 01:24:21,521 ♪ AND YOU'D LOVE ME LOVE ME ♪ 1542 01:24:21,590 --> 01:24:26,026 ♪ LIKE YOU USED TO DO ♪♪ 1543 01:24:26,094 --> 01:24:29,029 AND, STEWIE, WE ALL KNOW YOU KEPT BUSY. 1544 01:24:29,097 --> 01:24:31,031 OH, YES, IT WAS EXHAUSTING, 1545 01:24:31,099 --> 01:24:33,499 BETWEEN SHOOTING FILMS AND THOSE DAMNED TALK SHOWS. 1546 01:24:33,568 --> 01:24:36,502 [ Audience Laughing, Screaming ] HEE-HEE! 1547 01:24:36,571 --> 01:24:39,272 HA-HA! HA-HA! [ Keyboard: Cymbal Crash ] 1548 01:24:40,975 --> 01:24:45,311 I THINK IT WOULD HAVE TO BE... DARN. 1549 01:24:45,380 --> 01:24:48,014 [ Laughing ] [ Audience Applauding ] 1550 01:24:48,083 --> 01:24:50,516 AND WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CURSE WORD? 1551 01:24:50,585 --> 01:24:52,485 LISTEN, CARS AREN'T DESIGNED FOR WOMEN. 1552 01:24:52,554 --> 01:24:57,290 THE STEERING WHEEL WOULD HAVE TWO DENTS IN IT. WE BRING OUR OWN AIR BAGS. RIGHT, GIRLS? 1553 01:24:57,359 --> 01:24:59,291 [ Audience Laughing ] [ Sighs ] 1554 01:24:59,360 --> 01:25:01,361 ANYBODY LIKE CHEESECAKE? 1555 01:25:03,732 --> 01:25:06,399 WELL, WE'RE GLAD TO HAVE YOU BACK ON THE AIR. 1556 01:25:06,468 --> 01:25:08,735 I'LL LET YOU ALL ENJOY THE PARTY NOW. 1557 01:25:08,803 --> 01:25:12,405 PETER, IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANT TO SAY? YEAH, I GOT SOMETHING TO SAY. 1558 01:25:12,474 --> 01:25:14,407 YOU KNOW, WE KID AROUND A LOT HERE, 1559 01:25:14,476 --> 01:25:16,909 BUT THE TRUTH IS, WE CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER. 1560 01:25:16,979 --> 01:25:20,313 WE'RE EXCITED TO BE BACK BECAUSE WE WANT TO ADDRESS SOME SERIOUS ISSUES. 1561 01:25:20,382 --> 01:25:23,316 YOU KNOW, DO SOMETHING WE CAN ALL BE PROUD OF. [ Farts ] 1562 01:25:23,385 --> 01:25:25,551 [ All Laughing ] PETER! 1563 01:25:25,620 --> 01:25:27,620 [ Laughs ] STILL GOT IT! 1564 01:25:29,258 --> 01:25:33,026 THAT WAS ME. I USED TO THINK FLATULENCE WAS SOMETHING TO LAUGH ABOUT. 1565 01:25:33,095 --> 01:25:36,029 TRUTH IS, 300 MILLION AMERICANS A DAY... 1566 01:25:36,098 --> 01:25:38,031 EXPEL GAS THROUGH THEIR ANUS. 1567 01:25:38,100 --> 01:25:40,867 TO LEARN MORE ABOUT FLATULENCE, YOU CAN VISIT MY ASS. 1568 01:25:40,936 --> 01:25:44,037 [ Farts ] [ Laughs ] JUST YANKIN' YA! 1569 01:25:45,506 --> 01:25:47,574 [ Farts ] 127383

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