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REBECCA: Previously
on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend...
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00:00:02,803 --> 00:00:04,272
What you said,
about believing in me,
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00:00:04,305 --> 00:00:06,707
about truly understanding
who I am...
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00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:07,608
No one has ever
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00:00:07,641 --> 00:00:09,543
said anything
like that about me.
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00:00:09,577 --> 00:00:10,711
That means so much.
7
00:00:10,744 --> 00:00:13,347
You have no idea.
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00:00:13,381 --> 00:00:15,149
A kiss on the cheek means
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00:00:15,183 --> 00:00:16,650
everything.
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00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:18,152
You and Josh,
your love story?
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00:00:18,186 --> 00:00:19,787
It gives me hope.
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00:00:19,820 --> 00:00:21,322
My marriage is like
13
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:22,690
The Walking Dead, okay?
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00:00:22,723 --> 00:00:24,658
We are all just trying
to get out alive.
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00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:29,497
*
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00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:32,400
So Paula came home
a couple weeks ago--
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00:00:32,433 --> 00:00:35,803
I remember she was
all dressed up--
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00:00:35,836 --> 00:00:38,706
and said she was
unhappy, uh...
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00:00:40,808 --> 00:00:41,775
Dude...
20
00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:42,743
Sorry, man.
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00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:44,178
My aim's really
off today.
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00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:51,385
Please continue, Scott.
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00:00:51,419 --> 00:00:53,354
I thought maybe we
should talk to someone.
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00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:54,722
Uh, but not a shrink.
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00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:56,490
We're from Buffalo.
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00:00:56,524 --> 00:00:58,426
We don't like
the touchy-feely stuff.
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00:00:58,459 --> 00:00:59,860
And you, Paula?
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00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:02,130
You still feeling unhappy?
29
00:01:02,163 --> 00:01:04,298
Look, Scott and I
understand each other.
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00:01:04,332 --> 00:01:05,433
And that's enough.
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00:01:05,466 --> 00:01:06,767
So I-I don't want
to rock the boat.
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00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,570
You know, we rock the boat
and then we'll just...
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00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:11,705
we'll flip the whole thing.
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00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,607
Paula, if you don't deal
with your unhappiness,
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problems only grow.
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00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:16,744
At that point,
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00:01:16,777 --> 00:01:18,212
forget about flipping the boat,
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00:01:18,246 --> 00:01:19,680
you're putting a hole
right in the boat.
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00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:21,782
That's classic self-sabotage.
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00:01:21,815 --> 00:01:23,717
Babe, we're sinking.
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00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:25,753
Let's do whatever he says.
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00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:27,688
What should we do, Mr. Brah?
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00:01:27,721 --> 00:01:30,124
Please, Mr. Brah was my father.
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00:01:30,158 --> 00:01:31,692
I'm Father Brah.
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00:01:31,725 --> 00:01:34,162
And I'm just going to give you
some simple homework.
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00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:35,563
Go home.
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00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:37,531
Have dinner, alone,
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just the two of you.
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00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:40,268
Look into
each other's eyes
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00:01:40,301 --> 00:01:42,303
and really connect
with each other.
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00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:43,637
Can you do that?
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For me?
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00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:47,208
And for God?
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00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:48,376
Wow, you do that?
55
00:01:48,409 --> 00:01:49,710
You pull the God card that easy?
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00:01:49,743 --> 00:01:50,744
I'm a priest, Paula.
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00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:52,580
What other cards
you think I got?
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Scott, Paula...
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00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:57,551
be the boat, not the hole.
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00:01:57,585 --> 00:01:59,620
Nobody likes a hole.
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Everybody likes a swoosh!
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00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:08,229
It's really off today.
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00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:10,231
What up, God?
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00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:11,899
*
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00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:16,170
(whistling a tune)
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00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:23,677
Yo.
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00:02:23,711 --> 00:02:26,347
Yo. Cool.
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00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:29,783
Um... haven't
seen you in a while.
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00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:31,352
Yeah...
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00:02:31,385 --> 00:02:33,887
I've been avoiding you.
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00:02:33,921 --> 00:02:35,756
Okay. By dating
my next-door neighbor
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00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:37,358
and then showing up at my door?
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00:02:37,391 --> 00:02:39,460
Heather said
you had something for her?
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00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,195
Oh, yeah, uh,
she's borrowing my hard drive
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00:02:41,229 --> 00:02:42,630
for her coding class.
I'll get it.
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00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,732
Good.
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00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:47,901
Looks nice in here.
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00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:49,637
You decorated.
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00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:51,839
Some succulents, some candles,
you hung the fish...
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00:02:53,474 --> 00:02:56,710
So, you and Heather.
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00:02:56,744 --> 00:02:58,712
Yeah...
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00:02:58,746 --> 00:03:00,848
That's still a thang?
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00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:03,817
Yeah, it's a bit of a "thang."
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00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:05,353
Good, good.
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00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:07,255
I'm very glad that you found
a mating partner.
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00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:10,691
Why do you care
about my "mating" choices?
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00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:12,893
I don't. I don't care!
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00:03:12,926 --> 00:03:13,927
And I think I've shown that
consistently.
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00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:15,363
Here you go. Here's the...
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00:03:15,396 --> 00:03:16,430
here's the hard drive.
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00:03:16,464 --> 00:03:17,798
Oh, and, uh, tell Heather
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00:03:17,831 --> 00:03:18,999
not to open the folder
that says "Taxes."
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00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,568
If she's looking for porn,
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00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:21,869
there's a folder
that says "Porn."
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00:03:21,902 --> 00:03:23,804
Got it. Lovely.
96
00:03:23,837 --> 00:03:25,406
Yeah.
Thank you so much.
97
00:03:25,439 --> 00:03:26,874
They're the good kind,
with plots.
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00:03:26,907 --> 00:03:29,643
That's why the hard drive
is so big.
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00:03:29,677 --> 00:03:31,379
He's not listening.
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00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:32,846
*
101
00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:36,917
All right, brosefs,
here's the deal.
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00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:38,486
I got a big presentation
coming up,
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00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:39,920
and I am dragging,
so I'm gonna get
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00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:41,722
a triple redeye
with an extra shot
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00:03:41,755 --> 00:03:43,391
in the Olson Twin Size.
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00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:51,832
"The plaintiff
in the case is entitled
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00:03:51,865 --> 00:03:54,702
"to collect back rent on
the property and in addition,
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00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:58,005
"the defendant is liable for
court costs and interest accrued
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00:03:58,038 --> 00:04:00,774
in the period of June 2013."
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00:04:00,808 --> 00:04:03,911
"Also, the plaintiff wants
a back massage and a smoothie."
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00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:05,313
(laughs)
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00:04:05,346 --> 00:04:06,914
(both laughing)
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00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:08,816
Oh, my God, you're so funny!
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00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:10,584
I love you...
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00:04:10,618 --> 00:04:11,852
your... sense of humor!
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00:04:11,885 --> 00:04:13,654
(laughs)
Oh, so...
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00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:14,955
how are you?
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00:04:14,988 --> 00:04:16,524
Good. I, uh...
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00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:17,858
you know, I keep
thinking about camp
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and just how much fun we had.
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00:04:19,893 --> 00:04:21,395
Yeah, me too.
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00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:23,531
That campfire was so nice.
Yeah.
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00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:25,699
Yeah.
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00:04:27,535 --> 00:04:28,469
Oh, wow.
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00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:30,404
Uh, so do you have, like, a...
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00:04:30,438 --> 00:04:31,405
a "recital" today?
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00:04:31,439 --> 00:04:33,006
Nah, just regular class.
128
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:34,408
Hey, do you know
what time it is?
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00:04:34,442 --> 00:04:36,009
Yeah. Uh, let's see...
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00:04:36,043 --> 00:04:38,712
It is 3:08.
Thanks.
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00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:40,047
I left my phone at home.
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I feel so... naked.
133
00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:44,618
Like buck naked.
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00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:46,720
Mmm.
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00:04:46,754 --> 00:04:48,055
Well, um, I gotta go.
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00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:48,956
Oh. Bye!
Sorry, but...
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00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:50,458
Yeah, bye.
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00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:52,893
It was good seeing you.
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00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:54,828
Bye.
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00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:55,963
Bye.
Bye.
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00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:06,940
(sighs)
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00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:09,477
REBECCA:
This case is about
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00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:11,479
taking responsibility
for one's actions.
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00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:14,615
About following
through on a promise
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00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:15,983
regardless of the consequences.
146
00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:17,751
And therefore,
the defendant must do
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00:05:17,785 --> 00:05:19,620
what the law requires
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00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:22,790
and must assume all fiduciary
responsibilities in this matter.
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00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:23,791
Okay.
150
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:24,992
Well-argued, Miss Bunch.
151
00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:25,926
Over to you, Miss Cavanaugh.
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00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:29,062
Your Honor, my argument today
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00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:30,731
centers on three
essential principles
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00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:32,966
contained in the municipal
real estate code--
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00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,068
the same three codes
that my client upheld
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00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:39,006
in regards to the property
in question,
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00:05:39,039 --> 00:05:40,508
533 East Cameron.
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00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:41,542
The written agreement
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00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:42,543
between my client
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00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:43,611
and the plaintiff
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00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:45,012
stipulates that
the lease payment
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00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:46,714
is due by the fifth
of every month.
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00:05:46,747 --> 00:05:48,649
Section F, line 37.
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00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:52,553
And any day beyond
the fifth, a fee of $3,500
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will incur... Section F,
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line 39.
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00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:58,025
My client has
followed protocol
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00:05:58,058 --> 00:05:59,993
and issued numerous
written and verbal warnings
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00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:02,062
to procure
the delinquent monies,
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00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:04,097
specifying failure
of payment
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00:06:04,131 --> 00:06:05,766
would result in immediate
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00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:07,468
termination of
the property lease,
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00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:09,102
adhering to
the formalities
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00:06:09,136 --> 00:06:11,004
outlined in
Section G, line four.
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00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:13,874
The recent lease termination
by my client
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00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:16,677
makes the plaintiff
and his employees squatters.
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00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:17,878
These charges
should be dropped immediately
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00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:20,047
and stricken
from the court records.
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00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,515
So you see,
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00:06:21,549 --> 00:06:22,916
Your Honor, the, uh...
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00:06:22,950 --> 00:06:24,084
the conclusion is clear.
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00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:26,720
All right. Strong argument.
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00:06:26,754 --> 00:06:28,489
What's your response,
Miss Bunch?
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00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:37,097
Miss Bunch?
185
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:38,466
You didn't get it?
186
00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:39,600
What?
187
00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:42,102
I'm sorry, I-I have to, um...
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00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:43,671
I have to examine
just a piece of
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00:06:43,704 --> 00:06:45,539
essential evidence.
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00:06:45,573 --> 00:06:46,840
This'll only... take a second.
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00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:52,513
(dramatic, rumbling percussion)
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00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:02,022
(distorted):
No...
193
00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:04,692
(distorted):
Miss Bunch?
194
00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:08,562
(distorted):
Rebecca, what's wrong?
195
00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:15,202
Miss Bunch?
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00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:18,939
(gasps)
197
00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:20,974
(distorted):
Mother....
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00:07:29,683 --> 00:07:30,851
Um... what's wrong?
199
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:32,452
Is everything okay, Miss Bunch?
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00:07:33,921 --> 00:07:35,222
Your Honor...
201
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:36,657
(clears throat)
202
00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:38,225
I'd like to request
a temporary stay
203
00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:39,226
in this matter.
204
00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:40,828
What?
205
00:07:40,861 --> 00:07:42,630
Uh, it is an emergency.
206
00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:44,665
Your Honor,
this is highly unprofessional.
207
00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:45,799
Uh, yeah.
208
00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:47,234
Okay, cookie,
you don't have to lie.
209
00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:48,802
These are good people.
210
00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:50,904
I-I've known Harry forever,
I-I mentored Connie.
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00:07:50,938 --> 00:07:51,805
They're gonna understand.
212
00:07:51,839 --> 00:07:52,806
What?
Understand what?
213
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,107
You guys, look at this.
214
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:55,509
She just accidentally texted
215
00:07:55,543 --> 00:07:57,077
her ex-boyfriend
from summer camp
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00:07:57,110 --> 00:07:58,546
who she's secretly
in love with,
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00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:00,047
moved here for...
218
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,149
Oh, and by the way, has
a serious live-in girlfriend.
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00:08:02,182 --> 00:08:04,051
Paula! What...
220
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:05,152
Oh, my God.
221
00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:06,720
What is this about?
222
00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:12,159
Look, Miss Bunch,
I can't grant you a stay.
223
00:08:14,194 --> 00:08:16,830
You gotta take care of this
right away.
224
00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:18,131
You take the rest
of the day off.
225
00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:20,167
Yes, what can
we do to help?
226
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:21,535
Check this out, Connie.
227
00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:23,537
Oh.
228
00:08:23,571 --> 00:08:25,072
Oh, this is a disaster.
229
00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:26,073
What are you gonna do?
230
00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:27,007
Forget this stupid case,
231
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:28,709
we've gotta figure out
how to spin this.
232
00:08:28,742 --> 00:08:30,243
VANESSA:
No, let me see that.
233
00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:32,112
Girl, this is
a living nightmare!
234
00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:33,080
JUDGE SPENSER: What if
we spin it as a joke?
235
00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:34,081
Oh, ha, ha, ha,
236
00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:35,182
it's opposite day.
237
00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:38,285
No one does opposite day
anymore, Harry, what are we?
238
00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:39,920
Fourth graders in 1995?
239
00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:41,989
Well, I don't know!
I'm panicking!
240
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:44,157
And I'm the only one
brainstorming here, Connie!
241
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:45,626
Maybe she blames
the phone company.
242
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:47,595
I know!
She could say she got hacked.
243
00:08:47,628 --> 00:08:50,664
No. No, there's only
one option here.
244
00:08:50,698 --> 00:08:52,566
Witness protection.
245
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:55,202
Burn it all down.
Start a new life.
Oh, my... come on!
246
00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:56,870
Okay, all right.
Everybody just calm down.
247
00:08:56,904 --> 00:08:59,139
We just have to get to his phone
before he sees it.
248
00:08:59,172 --> 00:09:01,842
Ugh, but he's on the thing
all the time. Dammit!
249
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,577
Wait! Oh, my God!
250
00:09:03,611 --> 00:09:04,678
Guys, I just
remembered something!
251
00:09:04,712 --> 00:09:05,979
He doesn't have
his phone with him.
252
00:09:06,013 --> 00:09:07,180
Yeah, he accidentally
left it at home
253
00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:08,348
while he's at Tae Kwan Do.
254
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:09,717
Tae Kwan Duh!
255
00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:10,651
That is your answer, girl!
256
00:09:10,684 --> 00:09:12,586
PAULA: You have got to get
to that apartment.
257
00:09:12,620 --> 00:09:13,921
Wait! What if Velveeta is there?
258
00:09:13,954 --> 00:09:15,255
His girlfriend.
259
00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:16,256
REBECCA:
No, no. No.
260
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:17,625
Valencia's not there.
261
00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:19,326
She teaches yoga
back-to-back today,
262
00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:21,094
so I have a window of,
like, three hours.
263
00:09:21,128 --> 00:09:22,630
So the first thing we do
when we get to Josh's house
264
00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:24,598
is we look for his spare key.
265
00:09:24,632 --> 00:09:26,199
He got locked out
one time and...
266
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:27,635
I can't go with you.
267
00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:28,201
What?
268
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:30,003
Yeah, I know!
269
00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:31,939
I'm having dinner
with Scott at home.
270
00:09:31,972 --> 00:09:32,606
What?
271
00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:33,841
I'm sorry.
272
00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:34,908
But it is a big deal.
273
00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:36,143
It's like our whole marriage
274
00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:39,379
is in a boat and
God is watching or something.
275
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:40,681
But you go!
276
00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:42,950
Go to his apartment right now!
277
00:09:42,983 --> 00:09:45,152
CONNIE:
Yes! Go as fast as your tiny
little legs will carry you!
278
00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:47,254
Go!
I'll get you a police escort!
279
00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:49,056
Come on!
Just go, go, go!
280
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:51,358
(siren wailing,
rock song begins)
281
00:09:57,898 --> 00:09:59,733
* Time is running out
282
00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:01,869
* You've got to act now
283
00:10:01,902 --> 00:10:03,637
* Stay one step ahead
284
00:10:03,671 --> 00:10:06,239
* Of that moronic text somehow
285
00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:08,208
* There's no turning back
286
00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:10,210
* Here in the danger zone
287
00:10:10,243 --> 00:10:13,313
* You've got to manually
delete that text *
288
00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:15,983
* From that dude's
cell phone... *
289
00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:17,250
Thank you, officers!
290
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,251
OFFICER:
Good luck, Rebecca!
291
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:21,354
* It's a text-mergency
292
00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:24,357
* Baby can't you see
293
00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:25,893
* Text-mergency
294
00:10:25,926 --> 00:10:27,661
* That term
just occurred to me *
295
00:10:27,695 --> 00:10:30,263
* It's gonna
catch on instantly *
296
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:32,065
Wait, what about...
297
00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:33,667
* Text-tastrophe
298
00:10:33,701 --> 00:10:36,436
* That sounds better to me
299
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,305
* Text-tastrophe
300
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:40,007
* That could really
spread virally *
301
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:42,175
* I prefer text-mergency!
302
00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:44,912
*
303
00:10:52,119 --> 00:10:54,755
* I accidentally texted
my mother-in-law *
304
00:10:54,788 --> 00:10:57,090
* A picture of my erection
305
00:10:57,124 --> 00:10:59,092
* I once group-texted
my whole staff *
306
00:10:59,126 --> 00:11:01,428
* About my yeast infection
307
00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:03,263
* Exactly, it's so relatable
308
00:11:03,296 --> 00:11:06,366
* That's why I coined
the phrase... *
309
00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:08,001
* Text-tastrophe
310
00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:11,004
* That's the meme,
don't you agree? *
311
00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:13,173
All due respect.
312
00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:17,845
* Text-mergency is
the better term, Miss C. *
313
00:11:17,878 --> 00:11:19,847
Um, I want to go with...
314
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,481
* Text-tastrophe
315
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:24,752
* I already put it
on Urban Dictionary... *
316
00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:26,486
(elevator bell dings)
317
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:30,357
You fools, it doesn't matter
what it's called.
318
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:33,026
That's right, it's me,
the ghost of Steve Jobs.
319
00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:36,029
What matters is that I control
your lives from the grave.
320
00:11:36,063 --> 00:11:39,032
Technology is slowly alienating
everyone from their loved ones.
321
00:11:39,066 --> 00:11:40,167
(laughs)
322
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,502
And when you send a few words
to the wrong recipient
323
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,371
and it immediately destroys
your entire life,
324
00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:45,372
that's called a...
325
00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:47,474
* Message-pocalypse
326
00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:49,409
* Get out of here, Steve Jobs!
327
00:11:52,179 --> 00:11:54,481
Guys, what about
that lawyer chick?
328
00:11:54,514 --> 00:11:56,316
We've gotten really off track.
329
00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:59,152
JUDGE SPENCER: * She's searching
for the spare key *
330
00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:00,387
* Look under the mat!
331
00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:05,225
* It's clearly hidden
in that owl! *
332
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,396
* Look in that
flower pot, hurry... *
333
00:12:11,799 --> 00:12:14,434
* Hurry up and check
that Buddha sconce... *
334
00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:20,373
* Check the Buddha sconce,
check the Buddha sconce! *
335
00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:22,375
(key jingles)
336
00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:23,977
Yes!
337
00:12:24,011 --> 00:12:25,312
* She did it
338
00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:27,147
* Now she can delete the text
339
00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:31,051
* She won't need
to come up with a... *
340
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:32,452
* Text-scuse
341
00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:34,321
* Text-planation.
342
00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:37,324
Text-mergency just flows.
343
00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:38,992
No, dude, text-tastrophe.
344
00:12:39,026 --> 00:12:40,327
It's what it is.
Dude, she's
totally right.
345
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:41,494
(scoffs)
Text-scuse me?
346
00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:49,369
(humming)
347
00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:51,071
Okay.
348
00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:55,375
Passcode, shoot.
349
00:12:55,408 --> 00:12:57,044
Uh... uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.
350
00:12:57,077 --> 00:12:58,378
Jesus's birthday?
351
00:12:58,411 --> 00:13:00,380
12-25, no.
352
00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:02,582
Uh, last four of social?
353
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,584
3-1-2-4, no.
354
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:06,119
Valencia's birthday?
355
00:13:06,153 --> 00:13:08,521
Let's see, it's 5-5... 5-5-8-8.
356
00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:10,523
Yes! Oh, God,
he really loves her.
357
00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:12,392
Okay.
358
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:14,527
Text messages.
359
00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:17,597
"Rebecca Bunch,"
ooh, that's a bad one.
360
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:20,467
(sighs, chuckles)
361
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,502
(sighs)
362
00:13:28,575 --> 00:13:30,577
(laughs with relief)
363
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,882
*
364
00:13:38,085 --> 00:13:40,053
VANESSA:
* Don't smell the shirt
365
00:13:40,087 --> 00:13:43,223
* You're running out of time.
366
00:13:45,926 --> 00:13:47,594
All right.
367
00:13:58,005 --> 00:14:00,874
(sighs, chuckles)
368
00:14:04,211 --> 00:14:07,180
Honey, you heard
what Father Brah said.
369
00:14:07,214 --> 00:14:09,049
We need to really connect.
370
00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:10,283
Put the phone away.
371
00:14:10,317 --> 00:14:12,285
You're right.
372
00:14:12,319 --> 00:14:14,287
You're absolutely right.
373
00:14:14,321 --> 00:14:18,225
Okay, let's do this,
let's... connect.
374
00:14:22,029 --> 00:14:24,364
*
375
00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:37,344
(sighs)
376
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,312
You blinked. I win. (laughs)
377
00:14:39,346 --> 00:14:40,948
I-I don't think that's what
we're supposed to be doing.
378
00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:42,549
I don't know what we're
supposed to be doing.
379
00:14:42,582 --> 00:14:45,218
Maybe we should hold hands.
380
00:14:45,252 --> 00:14:47,287
Okay.
381
00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:52,325
*
382
00:14:55,428 --> 00:14:56,930
You know, mine is really good.
383
00:14:56,964 --> 00:14:57,965
Do you want to try it?
384
00:14:57,998 --> 00:14:59,366
Sure.
385
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,268
Uh, okay.
386
00:15:14,714 --> 00:15:16,316
(grunts)
387
00:15:21,321 --> 00:15:23,290
Mmm.
388
00:15:23,323 --> 00:15:24,291
This is nice.
389
00:15:24,324 --> 00:15:25,325
Yep.
390
00:15:27,327 --> 00:15:29,029
Josh.
391
00:15:29,062 --> 00:15:31,064
What are you...?
392
00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:33,266
Oh... my God,
thank God you're back.
393
00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:35,135
What's going on?
394
00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:36,436
Uh, how did you get in here?
395
00:15:36,469 --> 00:15:38,705
How does anyone get in anywhere?
396
00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:41,241
It's like we're there,
and then we're here.
397
00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:42,642
Aah, God.
398
00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:44,211
What?
399
00:15:44,244 --> 00:15:47,080
Okay, slow down,
slow down, slow down.
400
00:15:47,114 --> 00:15:48,281
Just slow down.
401
00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:53,320
Okay, uh, give me a second
to just get my story straight.
402
00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:54,687
Did you break in?
403
00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:56,689
(snaps)
Break-in, yes,
there was a break-in.
404
00:15:56,723 --> 00:15:59,292
But not here,
not here, never here.
405
00:15:59,326 --> 00:16:01,161
What?
Okay.
406
00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:03,696
So I was in my, uh, apartment,
407
00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:06,366
and, uh, somebody did
the thing that you...
408
00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:07,734
you were just saying, the thing
that you were just saying.
409
00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:09,302
They broke in?
Yes.
410
00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:11,171
Yes, you're so good.
We should have a charades night.
411
00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:12,272
Okay, Rebecca...
I haven't seen anyone
since the beach.
412
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:14,774
Rebecca, wait, wait, someone
broke into your house?
413
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:18,711
Yes, yes, they broke in,
and, um, they-they smashed it,
414
00:16:18,745 --> 00:16:21,248
uh, with a big...
415
00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:22,315
Rock.
Yes.
416
00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:23,316
You're so good at this.
417
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:24,317
We should do teams of two.
418
00:16:24,351 --> 00:16:25,318
When are you next free?
419
00:16:25,352 --> 00:16:26,319
Wait, wait,
Rebecca, Rebecca.
420
00:16:26,353 --> 00:16:27,487
Just hold
yourself together.
421
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,289
Did you call the police?
422
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:30,757
No, no, no cops.
423
00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:32,459
No, didn't call the police.
424
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:33,426
So why are you here?
425
00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:35,195
Slow down!
426
00:16:35,228 --> 00:16:36,229
Okay, so after
I couldn't reach you,
427
00:16:36,263 --> 00:16:37,464
I came here to be with you
and your girlfriend.
428
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:38,465
All right, all right, all right.
429
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,400
So take a deep breath.
Okay.
430
00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:42,735
I'm gonna say this
as slowly as possible.
431
00:16:42,769 --> 00:16:43,736
Okay.
432
00:16:43,770 --> 00:16:46,773
Okay, so someone used a rock
433
00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:51,444
and broke into your apartment?
434
00:16:51,478 --> 00:16:53,313
Was-was anything taken?
435
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:55,348
No. No, just the rock
through the window.
436
00:16:55,382 --> 00:16:57,484
So I was scared,
and I came here,
437
00:16:57,517 --> 00:17:00,353
and the door was unlocked.
438
00:17:00,387 --> 00:17:01,621
Oh, man.
439
00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:03,723
I mean, you know,
I do that sometimes.
440
00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:06,326
(scoffs) Did I leave
the fridge open, too?
441
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:10,063
Yes, you did, and I closed it,
and I saved a lot of cold cuts.
442
00:17:10,097 --> 00:17:12,399
Geez. Uh, you know what,
thank you.
443
00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:15,735
L-Look, okay,
you're really upset.
444
00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:18,271
Yeah, I-I am really upset.
445
00:17:18,305 --> 00:17:20,740
You know what, I'm probably...
I'm probably overreacting.
446
00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:23,276
It's not a big deal.
I'm gonna get out of your hair.
447
00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:26,779
Wait.
448
00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:28,715
Yeah?
449
00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:32,385
I don't feel okay about this.
450
00:17:32,419 --> 00:17:33,853
You don't?
451
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,388
Of course not.
452
00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:36,389
Look at you.
453
00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:39,459
I can't send you home alone.
454
00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:40,627
Look how scared you are.
455
00:17:42,662 --> 00:17:45,332
You look like a tiny
scared little bird.
456
00:17:45,365 --> 00:17:46,799
(baby voice):
I do?
457
00:17:46,833 --> 00:17:48,535
(chuckles)
458
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:50,870
Josh, I, um...
459
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:53,540
I'm so sorry that I just
came in your house.
460
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:54,874
No. No, it's okay,
you were scared.
461
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:57,877
Look, why don't we go
back to your place,
462
00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,479
and I'll make sure
it's all okay.
463
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:02,482
Thank you, Josh.
464
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:04,351
I'm not scared anymore.
465
00:18:04,384 --> 00:18:06,419
And we'll get that broken
window fixed, right?
466
00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:09,422
Mmm, broken window.
467
00:18:09,456 --> 00:18:11,558
Broken window.
468
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:13,560
Yes...
469
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:14,661
Yes.
470
00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:16,429
Cool, let me just change.
471
00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:18,565
Great, and, hey, shower
if you're feeling it.
472
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:19,566
No rush.
473
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,801
It's really... really no rush.
474
00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:23,303
(door closes)
475
00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:26,573
God, Paula, I hope
your marriage is fixed by now.
476
00:18:28,675 --> 00:18:30,177
(groans)
477
00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:32,179
Ugh, just push it through.
478
00:18:32,212 --> 00:18:33,513
No, no, we can save
the cork.
479
00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:34,547
No, we can't.
480
00:18:34,581 --> 00:18:35,682
Be realistic, okay?
481
00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:37,550
We just got to push
the cork through
482
00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:40,553
and drink the wine with dirty
little pieces of cork in it.
483
00:18:40,587 --> 00:18:42,855
Is it great?
No, but that's life.
484
00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:45,525
(cell phone rings)
485
00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:47,394
I am not going to answer that.
486
00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:49,662
Nope.
487
00:18:49,696 --> 00:18:52,699
I just hope it doesn't have
something to do with the kids.
488
00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:54,834
They're upstairs.
489
00:18:54,867 --> 00:18:56,836
That's right.
490
00:18:56,869 --> 00:18:59,539
And you know how much trouble
they can get into upstairs.
491
00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:02,775
I'm just gonna check,
just for peace of mind.
492
00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:06,446
Oh, it's my mom.
493
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:07,447
Something must be wrong.
494
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,449
It's so late up in Buffalo.
495
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:11,784
Her-her gout must be
bothering her.
496
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:13,320
Mom, everything okay?
497
00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:14,621
Joints flaring up?
498
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:17,624
Hi. So, okay, Josh caught me
coming in his house,
499
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:19,492
and I started panicking,
500
00:19:19,526 --> 00:19:20,827
and I told him that
we'd be good at charades,
501
00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:22,362
and now he's being all
protective and masculine--
502
00:19:22,395 --> 00:19:23,496
he smells like karate,
and I love it--
503
00:19:23,530 --> 00:19:25,198
and he's getting dressed now,
504
00:19:25,232 --> 00:19:27,200
so what I need you to do is
I need you to go to my house,
505
00:19:27,234 --> 00:19:28,668
stop what you're doing,
and throw a rock
506
00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:30,570
through my sliding
glass door right now, okay?
507
00:19:32,539 --> 00:19:33,640
Copy that.
508
00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:35,975
Did you say "copy that"
to your mom?
509
00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:39,979
Yes, I have to make copies
for her health insurance.
510
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:42,382
Okay, yeah, that's enough.
511
00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:43,883
Who calls you all the time?
512
00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:44,884
You think I haven't noticed?
513
00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:46,553
What's really going on?
514
00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:47,620
I don't have time
for this, Scott, okay?
515
00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:48,688
I got to go.
516
00:19:48,721 --> 00:19:49,889
I'll be back in
an hour, tops.
517
00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:51,891
It's the peewee football coach,
isn't it?
518
00:19:51,924 --> 00:19:53,560
I see him coming back
for seconds
519
00:19:53,593 --> 00:19:55,328
when you bring
the orange slices.
520
00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:56,663
Oh, my God, no.
521
00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:58,265
Scott, uh, look, I have to go.
522
00:19:58,298 --> 00:20:00,600
Paula, if you walk
out that door without me,
523
00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:03,270
you're rocking the boat
in the bad way. Big time.
524
00:20:03,303 --> 00:20:04,737
Ugh, fine.
525
00:20:04,771 --> 00:20:06,273
Come with me then, okay?
526
00:20:06,306 --> 00:20:09,742
But you... you cannot
ask any questions, okay?
527
00:20:09,776 --> 00:20:11,778
*
528
00:20:14,781 --> 00:20:17,750
All right, let's go clean up
some broken glass.
529
00:20:17,784 --> 00:20:20,887
Hey, uh, first, can I just
get a glass of water?
530
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,355
Uh, sure.
Thanks.
531
00:20:22,389 --> 00:20:24,757
And, uh, a toast
with almond butter?
532
00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:28,695
And a sliced apple cut
into very tiny slices.
533
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:30,430
*
534
00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:39,038
(Scott groaning)
535
00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:41,040
I know I'm not supposed
to ask any questions,
536
00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:42,909
but can I ask what
you're looking for?
537
00:20:42,942 --> 00:20:44,911
Yeah, I need a rock,
like, a nice-sized one.
538
00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:45,912
Can I help you look?
539
00:20:45,945 --> 00:20:48,047
Uh, okay sure.
540
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,616
I mean, uh, if you want to.
541
00:20:49,649 --> 00:20:50,617
Awesome.
542
00:20:50,650 --> 00:20:52,619
(groans)
543
00:20:52,652 --> 00:20:53,953
First I got to
use the bathroom.
544
00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:55,021
You know how my body
deals with excitement.
545
00:20:55,054 --> 00:20:56,889
Okay, use the sliding glass
door, it's always open.
546
00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:57,890
But hurry up, okay?
547
00:20:57,924 --> 00:20:59,592
Be right back.
548
00:21:02,462 --> 00:21:03,930
(cell phone chimes)
549
00:21:05,832 --> 00:21:08,368
Oh, God, I just need a rock.
550
00:21:08,401 --> 00:21:09,469
I hate Southern California!
551
00:21:09,502 --> 00:21:11,738
No rocks, no dirt, no sticks!
552
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:13,373
(huffing)
553
00:21:13,406 --> 00:21:15,408
Paula, look.
554
00:21:15,442 --> 00:21:16,509
(gasps)
555
00:21:16,543 --> 00:21:18,077
Oh, my God, babe,
it's beautiful.
556
00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:19,679
It's textbook.
557
00:21:19,712 --> 00:21:20,813
It's like the image you get
558
00:21:20,847 --> 00:21:22,415
when you Google the word "rock."
559
00:21:22,449 --> 00:21:24,050
(chuckles)
Now what do we do?
560
00:21:24,083 --> 00:21:25,385
Go, go, go, go, go!
561
00:21:25,418 --> 00:21:26,319
Go, go!
562
00:21:26,353 --> 00:21:27,687
Go, go, go, go, go!
563
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:29,356
Chuck it!
564
00:21:29,389 --> 00:21:30,222
What?
565
00:21:30,256 --> 00:21:31,524
Scott, throw it
through the window.
566
00:21:31,558 --> 00:21:32,759
I can't throw it--
567
00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:33,960
Scott, the boat is sinking.
568
00:21:33,993 --> 00:21:35,762
Throw the rock
through the widow!
(shouts)
569
00:21:39,899 --> 00:21:42,369
(dogs barking)
570
00:21:42,402 --> 00:21:43,703
(laughs)
(whoops)
571
00:21:43,736 --> 00:21:44,971
I can't believe
we did that.
572
00:21:45,004 --> 00:21:46,973
Uh, what else can we break?
573
00:21:47,006 --> 00:21:48,541
Oh, I still got to pee!
574
00:21:48,575 --> 00:21:50,910
(both laughing)
575
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:55,448
So, I just want to let you
know I was thinking about it
576
00:21:55,482 --> 00:21:57,450
in the car and what if the
bad guys felt really bad
577
00:21:57,484 --> 00:21:58,685
about what they'd done
and-and they and they went
578
00:21:58,718 --> 00:22:00,720
and cleaned it up, 'cause I've
heard about that happening.
579
00:22:00,753 --> 00:22:03,423
Oh, my gosh, that's--
580
00:22:03,456 --> 00:22:04,424
I shouldn't be surprised,
581
00:22:04,457 --> 00:22:05,525
because that's
the way I left it.
582
00:22:05,558 --> 00:22:06,659
Yeah, that's broken glass.
583
00:22:06,693 --> 00:22:07,694
That's a lot of broken glass.
584
00:22:07,727 --> 00:22:09,429
Yeah, that's a legitimate...
585
00:22:09,462 --> 00:22:10,563
Wow.
It's a legitimate mess.
586
00:22:10,597 --> 00:22:12,365
Well, I mean,
this is really creepy.
587
00:22:12,399 --> 00:22:13,833
But at least you're not hurt.
588
00:22:13,866 --> 00:22:15,134
That's the
most important thing.
589
00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:17,136
Is it?
590
00:22:17,169 --> 00:22:17,970
Of course!
591
00:22:18,004 --> 00:22:20,039
You can always
replace a door, but,
592
00:22:20,072 --> 00:22:21,741
you know,
there's only one Becks.
593
00:22:23,175 --> 00:22:26,513
Oh, well, there's
only one Josh Chan.
594
00:22:26,546 --> 00:22:28,147
Actually, there's a lot
of Josh Chans.
595
00:22:28,180 --> 00:22:29,449
There's one in Azusa.
596
00:22:29,482 --> 00:22:31,384
Yeah, I used to play him
in soccer.
597
00:22:31,418 --> 00:22:32,419
(both chuckle)
598
00:22:32,452 --> 00:22:33,886
Wow, um,
599
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:35,522
I feel
600
00:22:35,555 --> 00:22:37,390
really rattled.
601
00:22:37,424 --> 00:22:38,525
I need some wine.
602
00:22:38,558 --> 00:22:39,426
Do you want some wine?
603
00:22:39,459 --> 00:22:40,593
You know what? Sure.
604
00:22:40,627 --> 00:22:41,894
Let's do it.
Great.
605
00:22:41,928 --> 00:22:43,530
Uh, oh, can I have ice in mine?
606
00:22:43,563 --> 00:22:45,632
Yeah, okay, iced wine.
607
00:22:45,665 --> 00:22:47,567
Coming up.
608
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:50,136
And then we'll
clean up some glass.
609
00:22:50,169 --> 00:22:51,404
Okay.
610
00:22:51,438 --> 00:22:52,171
Oh, yeah, here you go.
611
00:22:52,204 --> 00:22:53,473
Let me get that.
612
00:22:53,506 --> 00:22:55,708
Oh, thank you.
613
00:22:55,742 --> 00:22:57,076
Hey, um,
614
00:22:57,109 --> 00:22:59,178
I feel really safe
with you here.
615
00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:00,413
Thank you.
616
00:23:00,447 --> 00:23:01,681
(scoffs) Of course.
617
00:23:01,714 --> 00:23:03,182
It's the least I can do.
618
00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:06,419
Thank you.
619
00:23:06,453 --> 00:23:07,820
Hey.
620
00:23:07,854 --> 00:23:09,055
You know,
I'm thinking out loud.
621
00:23:09,088 --> 00:23:11,057
As-as long as
we're having wine--
622
00:23:11,090 --> 00:23:13,493
Oh, cheers, by the way. Eyes.
623
00:23:13,526 --> 00:23:14,594
There we go.
624
00:23:14,627 --> 00:23:15,828
Um, I'm pretty hungry.
625
00:23:15,862 --> 00:23:17,129
Do-do you want to get some food?
626
00:23:17,163 --> 00:23:19,131
There's a great fondue place
that-that delivers
627
00:23:19,165 --> 00:23:20,433
right around the corner.
628
00:23:20,467 --> 00:23:21,568
Sounds great.
I've never had it.
629
00:23:21,601 --> 00:23:22,735
Great.
630
00:23:22,769 --> 00:23:24,504
(laughs)
God...
631
00:23:25,705 --> 00:23:27,206
You've really just turned
this night around for me.
632
00:23:27,239 --> 00:23:28,641
Ah...
633
00:23:28,675 --> 00:23:30,710
You know, I was so scared
634
00:23:30,743 --> 00:23:32,712
but now, um,
635
00:23:32,745 --> 00:23:34,213
I just feel like
a piece of bread
636
00:23:34,246 --> 00:23:35,882
in a warm bath of cheese.
637
00:23:35,915 --> 00:23:37,149
Hmm.
638
00:23:37,183 --> 00:23:38,184
That's fondue.
639
00:23:38,217 --> 00:23:39,218
I'm describing fondue.
640
00:23:39,251 --> 00:23:40,152
Oh, gotcha.
641
00:23:40,186 --> 00:23:41,988
Yeah, I thought
it was some kind of soup.
642
00:23:42,021 --> 00:23:43,089
No! I'm sorry.
643
00:23:43,122 --> 00:23:44,624
That was confusing.
That was my bad.
644
00:23:44,657 --> 00:23:46,493
(doorbell rings)
645
00:23:46,526 --> 00:23:48,227
Hmm, that's weird.
I'm not expecting anybody.
646
00:23:48,260 --> 00:23:50,663
Oh, it's probably the cops.
647
00:23:50,697 --> 00:23:51,731
Cops-- Sorry, hmm?
648
00:23:51,764 --> 00:23:52,865
Josh?
649
00:23:52,899 --> 00:23:53,666
You called the cops?
650
00:23:53,700 --> 00:23:54,701
Of course I did.
651
00:23:54,734 --> 00:23:55,802
No, no, but Josh, Josh,
652
00:23:55,835 --> 00:23:57,003
J-Josh, you know what they say.
653
00:23:57,036 --> 00:23:58,538
Snitches get stitches.
654
00:23:58,571 --> 00:23:59,872
Come on in, Officer.
655
00:23:59,906 --> 00:24:01,674
I got a call about
the attempted burglary?
656
00:24:01,708 --> 00:24:03,976
You know what?
The-the glass is just smashed.
657
00:24:04,010 --> 00:24:05,578
They smashed the whole door.
658
00:24:05,612 --> 00:24:06,913
Don't worry, I'm here now.
659
00:24:06,946 --> 00:24:08,481
And rest assured, ma'am,
660
00:24:08,515 --> 00:24:10,750
I won't stop till I get
to the bottom of this.
661
00:24:10,783 --> 00:24:11,784
(sighs)
662
00:24:17,757 --> 00:24:19,225
When did the incident occur?
663
00:24:19,258 --> 00:24:20,727
You know, no idea.
664
00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:21,994
I, uh, it was like this
when I got home.
665
00:24:22,028 --> 00:24:23,530
Why didn't you call the police
666
00:24:23,563 --> 00:24:24,764
when you first
discovered the window?
667
00:24:24,797 --> 00:24:25,865
I panicked, you know?
668
00:24:25,898 --> 00:24:27,033
I just,
I-I-I freaked out.
669
00:24:27,066 --> 00:24:28,200
And I just, I fled.
670
00:24:28,234 --> 00:24:29,602
"Fled"?
671
00:24:29,636 --> 00:24:30,870
Yeah, slow down!
672
00:24:30,903 --> 00:24:32,038
JOSH:
Okay, okay, just tell him
673
00:24:32,071 --> 00:24:33,873
what you know, Becks.
674
00:24:33,906 --> 00:24:36,609
She can't follow
if you talk too fast.
675
00:24:37,777 --> 00:24:39,879
Okay.
676
00:24:39,912 --> 00:24:41,914
Whew.
677
00:24:41,948 --> 00:24:43,916
So what happened
678
00:24:43,950 --> 00:24:45,752
is my friend, Josh Chan,
679
00:24:45,785 --> 00:24:48,688
called you because...
680
00:24:48,721 --> 00:24:50,523
he is so protective of me.
681
00:24:50,557 --> 00:24:52,058
Bless him.
But I understand
682
00:24:52,091 --> 00:24:53,726
that this is not really
worth your time.
683
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:55,261
And the reason for that
684
00:24:55,294 --> 00:24:56,829
I will go into right now.
685
00:24:56,863 --> 00:24:58,798
All right, as I look
686
00:24:58,831 --> 00:24:59,699
at this crime scene,
687
00:24:59,732 --> 00:25:01,734
there appears to be
no evidence of theft
688
00:25:01,768 --> 00:25:04,804
or any sign that someone entered
the apartment at all.
689
00:25:04,837 --> 00:25:07,874
Let's take a closer look at
the shards of glass, shall we?
690
00:25:07,907 --> 00:25:10,009
Now, when I look at these
shards of glass,
691
00:25:10,042 --> 00:25:12,011
there is also no evidence
of secondary compression
692
00:25:12,044 --> 00:25:14,881
by a shoe or shoes,
to use the plural.
693
00:25:14,914 --> 00:25:16,683
So I think we
can safely say
694
00:25:16,716 --> 00:25:18,017
that no matter
what transpired here,
695
00:25:18,050 --> 00:25:20,252
we will never be able
to prove a 459.
696
00:25:20,286 --> 00:25:21,721
Josh, that's burglary.
697
00:25:21,754 --> 00:25:23,189
Now, sir, I am a lawyer,
698
00:25:23,222 --> 00:25:24,857
as you might've guessed,
and I know,
699
00:25:24,891 --> 00:25:26,559
looking at the glass
breakage here,
700
00:25:26,593 --> 00:25:28,327
the most we'll be able
to prove is, uh, maybe a 596?
701
00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:29,829
Josh, that's vandalism.
702
00:25:29,862 --> 00:25:31,564
Now, I know how hard
703
00:25:31,598 --> 00:25:33,199
the officers of this city work.
704
00:25:33,232 --> 00:25:34,801
And the last thing I want
705
00:25:34,834 --> 00:25:36,869
is for you to work
on a bunch of forms tonight.
706
00:25:36,903 --> 00:25:38,905
I mean, those 596 forms,
they're a real bitch.
707
00:25:38,938 --> 00:25:40,607
(chuckles)
You're not wrong.
708
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:41,674
Exactly! I mean,
709
00:25:41,708 --> 00:25:43,710
23 pages for a nonviolent crime?
710
00:25:43,743 --> 00:25:44,777
What do I need-- a hobby?
711
00:25:44,811 --> 00:25:46,913
I didn't think so.
712
00:25:46,946 --> 00:25:48,748
So let's get you out of here.
713
00:25:48,781 --> 00:25:50,650
Let's get you back out
on the streets, Officer Rhodes.
714
00:25:50,683 --> 00:25:52,184
Yeah, sorry, Officer.
715
00:25:52,218 --> 00:25:54,253
Or you're welcome to stay
for some fondue.
716
00:25:54,286 --> 00:25:55,722
Oh, I wish!
717
00:25:55,755 --> 00:25:56,856
Love those steak cubes.
718
00:25:56,889 --> 00:25:58,791
Wait a minute,
I thought it was cheese.
719
00:25:58,825 --> 00:26:01,193
(laughs)
720
00:26:01,227 --> 00:26:02,829
Well, now I really
need some wine.
721
00:26:02,862 --> 00:26:04,296
Oh, my God. Me, too.
722
00:26:04,330 --> 00:26:05,998
Hand it over.
723
00:26:06,032 --> 00:26:07,967
Ah, now where were we?
724
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:09,368
Oh, right.
725
00:26:09,401 --> 00:26:11,971
Cheers.
726
00:26:12,004 --> 00:26:13,339
(laughs)
727
00:26:13,372 --> 00:26:14,907
You were great back there.
728
00:26:14,941 --> 00:26:16,208
No, you were.
729
00:26:16,242 --> 00:26:17,844
Mm-mm.
You saved the day.
730
00:26:17,877 --> 00:26:19,245
I never committed
a crime before.
731
00:26:19,278 --> 00:26:21,080
Why did I commit a crime again?
732
00:26:21,113 --> 00:26:22,982
We said no questions,
remember?
733
00:26:23,015 --> 00:26:25,217
Aw, come on,
tell me, please?
734
00:26:25,251 --> 00:26:26,886
No.
735
00:26:26,919 --> 00:26:28,888
Gonna have to try
and get it out of me.
736
00:26:28,921 --> 00:26:29,989
Oh.
737
00:26:30,022 --> 00:26:32,158
Where do you
keep your answers?
738
00:26:32,191 --> 00:26:34,193
(laughs)
739
00:26:37,997 --> 00:26:39,999
I'm sorry.
740
00:26:41,300 --> 00:26:43,870
I know I've been
distant lately and...
741
00:26:43,903 --> 00:26:47,273
it's not just because
I almost had an affair
742
00:26:47,306 --> 00:26:50,943
with a hunky industrial
real estate tycoon from Tucson.
743
00:26:50,977 --> 00:26:52,178
What?
744
00:26:52,211 --> 00:26:54,981
It's a long story
and nothing happened.
745
00:26:55,014 --> 00:26:57,183
It was just jazz.
746
00:26:57,216 --> 00:26:58,985
Wow, huh.
747
00:26:59,018 --> 00:27:00,987
Well, then I feel
a lot better about the fact
748
00:27:01,020 --> 00:27:02,889
that I almost slept
with Misty from shipping.
749
00:27:02,922 --> 00:27:04,123
Misty?
750
00:27:04,156 --> 00:27:05,925
Really?
751
00:27:05,958 --> 00:27:07,727
You know, I can see that.
752
00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:08,761
She has slut face.
753
00:27:08,795 --> 00:27:09,996
(smacks tongue)
754
00:27:10,029 --> 00:27:10,963
God!
755
00:27:10,997 --> 00:27:12,331
Father Brah's right.
756
00:27:12,364 --> 00:27:13,966
We've both been
major holes, huh?
757
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:15,902
God. we really have!
758
00:27:15,935 --> 00:27:17,770
I am so sorry.
759
00:27:17,804 --> 00:27:19,338
I don't want another man.
760
00:27:19,371 --> 00:27:21,908
I mean, the only thing I've
been cheating on you with
761
00:27:21,941 --> 00:27:23,409
is...
762
00:27:23,442 --> 00:27:25,978
Rebecca's love life.
763
00:27:26,979 --> 00:27:28,080
She's so in love,
764
00:27:28,114 --> 00:27:29,949
and it-it's just been
so intoxicating
765
00:27:29,982 --> 00:27:32,018
to witness it
in its purest form.
766
00:27:32,051 --> 00:27:35,087
I'm... I'm addicted.
767
00:27:35,121 --> 00:27:36,923
Who's she in love with?
768
00:27:36,956 --> 00:27:39,191
You really want to know?
769
00:27:39,225 --> 00:27:40,359
Yes, I do.
770
00:27:40,392 --> 00:27:42,228
And we got nothing
but time right now.
771
00:27:42,261 --> 00:27:45,031
Okay.
772
00:27:45,064 --> 00:27:47,099
Well, what happened was
773
00:27:47,133 --> 00:27:49,435
she was working hard
at a New York job
774
00:27:49,468 --> 00:27:51,804
making dough,
but it made her blue.
775
00:27:51,838 --> 00:27:53,205
One day, she was
crying a lot,
776
00:27:53,239 --> 00:27:56,909
and so she decided to move
to West Covina, California.
777
00:27:56,943 --> 00:27:58,911
Brand new pals, new career.
778
00:27:58,945 --> 00:28:01,981
It happens to be
where Josh lives.
Ah.
779
00:28:02,014 --> 00:28:04,150
And that's exactly
why she's here.
780
00:28:04,183 --> 00:28:07,019
(laughs)
She's a crazy ex-girlfriend.
781
00:28:07,053 --> 00:28:08,187
Wha...? No, she's not.
782
00:28:08,220 --> 00:28:09,455
She's a crazy ex-girlfriend.
783
00:28:09,488 --> 00:28:10,890
That's a sexist term, Scott.
784
00:28:10,923 --> 00:28:12,291
She's a crazy ex-girlfriend.
785
00:28:12,324 --> 00:28:14,026
Okay, just stop talking
for a second.
786
00:28:14,060 --> 00:28:15,494
She's so broken inside.
787
00:28:15,527 --> 00:28:17,764
This situation has
a lot more nuance than that.
788
00:28:17,797 --> 00:28:19,131
C-R-A-Z-Y!
789
00:28:19,165 --> 00:28:21,067
I know how to spell, Scott.
790
00:28:21,100 --> 00:28:21,968
She's a crazy ex-girlfriend.
791
00:28:26,072 --> 00:28:28,507
Wow, good thing
you brought those gloves.
792
00:28:28,540 --> 00:28:30,943
Oh, yeah, I've got gloves
for every situation.
793
00:28:30,977 --> 00:28:34,080
I mean, cleaning, baseball,
794
00:28:34,113 --> 00:28:35,481
golfing,
795
00:28:35,514 --> 00:28:38,217
uh, driving, go-karts, boxing.
796
00:28:38,250 --> 00:28:40,086
(laughs)
You have all the gloves.
797
00:28:41,153 --> 00:28:43,089
No way.
798
00:28:43,122 --> 00:28:44,290
Is that what I think it is?
799
00:28:44,323 --> 00:28:45,825
Oh, my gosh, what?
Is it, like, a penny?
800
00:28:45,858 --> 00:28:46,926
The rock they threw
801
00:28:46,959 --> 00:28:49,128
in the window.
802
00:28:49,161 --> 00:28:51,030
Wow, it's,
like, a perfect rock.
803
00:28:51,063 --> 00:28:53,032
Like textbook.
Yeah.
804
00:28:58,204 --> 00:28:59,405
* Where is the rock
805
00:28:59,438 --> 00:29:01,808
* Rock *
* That says ever
806
00:29:01,841 --> 00:29:03,876
* Where is the rock
* Rock *
807
00:29:03,910 --> 00:29:06,045
* That says ever
808
00:29:06,078 --> 00:29:08,414
* If the rock came
from inside your house *
809
00:29:08,447 --> 00:29:10,382
* That means he has to believe
810
00:29:10,416 --> 00:29:12,885
* That someone
broke into your house *
811
00:29:12,919 --> 00:29:15,822
* And then picked up a rock
* Rock *
812
00:29:15,855 --> 00:29:18,891
* And then went outside and
threw it through your window *
813
00:29:18,925 --> 00:29:23,262
* That would be
a super weird crime *
814
00:29:23,295 --> 00:29:26,966
* He's not he brightest,
but he's not dumb as a rock *
815
00:29:26,999 --> 00:29:29,902
* Rock *
* See what I did there?
816
00:29:34,340 --> 00:29:37,143
* Oh, my God,
he's turning over the rock *
817
00:29:37,176 --> 00:29:39,445
* Rock! *
818
00:29:39,478 --> 00:29:42,048
Hmm.
819
00:29:47,153 --> 00:29:49,455
So this...
820
00:29:49,488 --> 00:29:53,192
goes...
821
00:29:53,225 --> 00:29:56,162
right here.
822
00:29:58,197 --> 00:29:59,932
This is your rock?
823
00:30:11,343 --> 00:30:12,912
Wha...?
824
00:30:12,945 --> 00:30:14,246
Huh.
825
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:15,882
That's so wei...
826
00:30:15,915 --> 00:30:17,483
It does
827
00:30:17,516 --> 00:30:19,185
look like my rock.
828
00:30:19,218 --> 00:30:20,519
That's weird.
829
00:30:20,552 --> 00:30:23,222
Someone threw a rock
830
00:30:23,255 --> 00:30:26,492
from inside the house...
831
00:30:26,525 --> 00:30:28,861
into your house?
832
00:30:30,296 --> 00:30:32,064
So, I think
I know what happened.
833
00:30:32,098 --> 00:30:34,300
So, the burglar
came into the house
834
00:30:34,333 --> 00:30:37,269
to steal something, but because
I live a very simple life,
835
00:30:37,303 --> 00:30:39,238
he didn't find
anything to steal.
836
00:30:39,271 --> 00:30:41,173
And in a fit of rage,
the burglar was furthermore
837
00:30:41,207 --> 00:30:43,142
offended, you know,
by the platitudinous
838
00:30:43,175 --> 00:30:44,110
inspirational phrases
839
00:30:44,143 --> 00:30:46,345
of my rocks because
he's had a hard life--
840
00:30:46,378 --> 00:30:47,613
you know, in order
to be a burglar,
841
00:30:47,646 --> 00:30:49,215
you would've had
to had a hard life.
842
00:30:49,248 --> 00:30:51,217
So-so then in anger,
he grabbed one of the rocks
843
00:30:51,250 --> 00:30:53,252
and went outside
and just to stick it to me
844
00:30:53,285 --> 00:30:54,520
threw it through the window.
845
00:30:54,553 --> 00:30:57,223
What-what-what you're talking
about doesn't make any sense.
846
00:30:57,256 --> 00:30:59,191
None of this makes sense.
847
00:30:59,225 --> 00:31:00,526
Okay, you're right.
848
00:31:00,559 --> 00:31:02,061
There's got to be
another explanation, so let--
849
00:31:02,094 --> 00:31:03,229
Please, please don't explain.
850
00:31:03,262 --> 00:31:04,530
I don't want to know.
851
00:31:04,563 --> 00:31:06,132
I don't want to know
what happened tonight.
852
00:31:06,165 --> 00:31:07,233
And I really don't want to know
853
00:31:07,266 --> 00:31:08,600
why you were
in my apartment before.
854
00:31:10,269 --> 00:31:11,537
Uh, I got to go.
855
00:31:11,570 --> 00:31:12,538
What? No.
856
00:31:12,571 --> 00:31:14,306
Yeah, I got
an early day tomorrow.
857
00:31:14,340 --> 00:31:16,408
Josh, I love y--
858
00:31:20,246 --> 00:31:23,582
I love that you came
to my rescue tonight.
859
00:31:23,615 --> 00:31:25,651
(quietly):
Thank you.
860
00:31:30,957 --> 00:31:32,959
(door closes)
861
00:31:40,066 --> 00:31:42,634
(knocking)
862
00:31:42,668 --> 00:31:45,404
Josh. Josh, I'm sorry...
863
00:31:45,437 --> 00:31:48,340
You ordered the extra large
double dipper?
864
00:31:48,374 --> 00:31:49,541
The... uh, yeah.
865
00:31:51,978 --> 00:31:53,412
I've got two sets of sticks.
866
00:31:53,445 --> 00:31:55,181
It'll just take me
a minute to set up.
867
00:31:55,214 --> 00:31:57,149
We threw in some
strawberries and chocolate
868
00:31:57,183 --> 00:31:58,985
for that extra bit of romance.
869
00:31:59,018 --> 00:32:01,187
It's all ruined.
870
00:32:01,220 --> 00:32:02,621
People think that,
but actually
871
00:32:02,654 --> 00:32:04,957
the cheese does not
congeal in transit.
872
00:32:04,991 --> 00:32:06,292
If you can get
the word out about that,
873
00:32:06,325 --> 00:32:07,359
that would really help.
874
00:32:07,393 --> 00:32:10,396
Moments ago,
he held me in his arms.
875
00:32:11,497 --> 00:32:13,432
And then just now, he could
876
00:32:13,465 --> 00:32:15,401
barely look me in the eye.
877
00:32:17,236 --> 00:32:19,705
All of my dreams
878
00:32:19,738 --> 00:32:22,374
may have just been shattered.
879
00:32:22,408 --> 00:32:25,277
So this is not about cheese.
880
00:32:25,311 --> 00:32:27,313
*
881
00:32:44,496 --> 00:32:47,266
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentleman,
please welcome to the stage
882
00:32:47,299 --> 00:32:50,336
to sing a song about
self-indulgent self-loathing,
883
00:32:50,369 --> 00:32:52,638
Miss Rebecca Bunch!
884
00:32:52,671 --> 00:32:54,340
(audience cheers, applauds)
Thank you!
885
00:32:54,373 --> 00:32:56,442
Thank you, thank you.
886
00:32:57,343 --> 00:33:00,012
It's so wonderful
to be back here,
887
00:33:00,046 --> 00:33:02,014
even though I'm here,
888
00:33:02,048 --> 00:33:05,517
singing this song, a lot.
889
00:33:05,551 --> 00:33:07,619
(ballad begins)
890
00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:16,495
* Well, Rebecca
891
00:33:16,528 --> 00:33:18,430
(audience whooping)
* You've done it now...
892
00:33:18,464 --> 00:33:21,100
Yeah, you guys know this one.
893
00:33:21,133 --> 00:33:23,402
* Karma's come to tap you
894
00:33:23,435 --> 00:33:26,305
* On the shoulder
895
00:33:26,338 --> 00:33:30,042
* All that lying
that's been festering *
896
00:33:30,076 --> 00:33:33,179
* Plus breaking and entering
897
00:33:33,212 --> 00:33:35,481
* Is coming now to crush you
898
00:33:35,514 --> 00:33:38,417
* Like a boulder
899
00:33:38,450 --> 00:33:42,388
* You ruined everything
900
00:33:42,421 --> 00:33:45,357
* You stupid bitch
901
00:33:45,391 --> 00:33:49,128
* You ruined everything
902
00:33:49,161 --> 00:33:52,064
* You stupid, stupid bitch
903
00:33:52,098 --> 00:33:55,667
* You're just a lying
little bitch who ruins things *
904
00:33:55,701 --> 00:33:59,371
* And wants the world to burn
905
00:33:59,405 --> 00:34:01,273
* Bitch
906
00:34:01,307 --> 00:34:04,576
* You're a stupid bitch
907
00:34:04,610 --> 00:34:07,446
* And lose some weight...
908
00:34:07,479 --> 00:34:09,481
(audience cheering)
909
00:34:12,618 --> 00:34:17,589
* I was so close to paradise
910
00:34:17,623 --> 00:34:22,428
* But now the only thing
I'm close to is defeat *
911
00:34:25,197 --> 00:34:28,100
* These shards are a metaphor
for my soul *
912
00:34:28,134 --> 00:34:31,403
* Won't stop the self-pity
'cause I'm on a roll *
913
00:34:31,437 --> 00:34:34,506
* Yes, Josh completes me
but how can that be *
914
00:34:34,540 --> 00:34:40,446
* When there's no me left
to complete? *
915
00:34:40,479 --> 00:34:43,582
* You ruined everything
916
00:34:43,615 --> 00:34:45,417
* You stupid bitch
917
00:34:45,451 --> 00:34:46,552
Sing with me!
918
00:34:46,585 --> 00:34:50,522
* You ruined everything
919
00:34:50,556 --> 00:34:53,259
* You stupid, stupid bitch...
920
00:34:53,292 --> 00:34:54,726
Yes, I deserve this!
921
00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:58,664
* You're just a poopy little
slut who doesn't think *
922
00:34:58,697 --> 00:35:01,833
* And deceives
the people she loves *
923
00:35:01,867 --> 00:35:04,703
* Now he knows
I'm not some innocent lamb *
924
00:35:04,736 --> 00:35:07,473
* He sees me for what I am
925
00:35:07,506 --> 00:35:11,743
* Which is a horrible,
stupid, dumb and ugly *
926
00:35:11,777 --> 00:35:16,482
* Fat and stupid,
simple, self-hating *
927
00:35:16,515 --> 00:35:23,489
* Bitch!
928
00:35:23,522 --> 00:35:25,524
(audience cheers, applauds)
929
00:35:34,866 --> 00:35:35,901
Whoa.
930
00:35:35,934 --> 00:35:37,536
What happened?
931
00:35:42,774 --> 00:35:44,443
Rebecca, what's wrong?
Are you okay?
932
00:35:44,476 --> 00:35:45,811
No, I'm not.
933
00:35:45,844 --> 00:35:47,346
Do you want to tell me
what happened?
934
00:35:48,514 --> 00:35:50,216
No.
935
00:35:50,249 --> 00:35:51,383
Let me help you.
936
00:35:51,417 --> 00:35:52,451
What can I do?
937
00:35:52,484 --> 00:35:53,685
Come on, let's get this mess
938
00:35:53,719 --> 00:35:55,654
cleaned up and you can
tell me what happened.
I'll just...
939
00:35:55,687 --> 00:35:58,457
Just leave it,
I'll get it later.
940
00:35:59,525 --> 00:36:00,692
Can you just stay with me
941
00:36:00,726 --> 00:36:01,693
for a little while?
942
00:36:01,727 --> 00:36:04,630
I... I can't be alone right now.
943
00:36:04,663 --> 00:36:06,932
Okay.
944
00:36:06,965 --> 00:36:08,467
(sighs)
945
00:36:08,500 --> 00:36:10,536
Thank you.
946
00:36:10,569 --> 00:36:11,670
We don't have to stand here.
947
00:36:11,703 --> 00:36:13,639
We can, like,
watch TV, you know...
948
00:36:13,672 --> 00:36:15,374
TV, yeah, sure.
Whatever you want.
949
00:36:15,407 --> 00:36:18,310
Let's just get this mess
cleaned up first.
950
00:36:18,344 --> 00:36:19,611
Okay.
951
00:36:21,713 --> 00:36:23,649
Thank you.
952
00:36:23,682 --> 00:36:24,583
Are you hungry?
953
00:36:24,616 --> 00:36:25,917
Have you eaten?
954
00:36:25,951 --> 00:36:29,621
I have some... fondue
that's clumping together.
955
00:36:29,655 --> 00:36:32,291
Actually, I am pretty hungry.
956
00:36:32,324 --> 00:36:34,560
Coagulating cheese
would really hit the spot.
957
00:36:34,593 --> 00:36:35,561
(snorts)
958
00:36:35,594 --> 00:36:37,696
(laughs)
959
00:36:37,729 --> 00:36:39,798
Thank you, Greg.
960
00:36:41,500 --> 00:36:43,735
Somehow, you're always
here when I need you.
961
00:36:55,981 --> 00:36:56,982
I...
962
00:37:01,387 --> 00:37:02,754
Huh.
963
00:37:02,788 --> 00:37:04,556
That has Josh's name on it.
964
00:37:04,590 --> 00:37:07,259
That makes sense.
965
00:37:07,293 --> 00:37:09,328
He was barely here. I mean,
he didn't even eat his food.
966
00:37:09,361 --> 00:37:10,662
And there are two wine glasses,
967
00:37:10,696 --> 00:37:11,697
one with ice cubes.
968
00:37:11,730 --> 00:37:12,564
Classic Chan move.
969
00:37:12,598 --> 00:37:14,032
So you were having
another cozy date
970
00:37:14,065 --> 00:37:15,567
with Valencia's boyfriend and...
971
00:37:15,601 --> 00:37:16,635
Oh, my God,
that's not what happened.
972
00:37:16,668 --> 00:37:17,969
...you guys had
some kind of scene,
973
00:37:18,003 --> 00:37:19,438
somehow a window broke
974
00:37:19,471 --> 00:37:20,572
and look who's cleaning it up?
975
00:37:20,606 --> 00:37:23,709
I'm literally holding a dustpan
and a broom in my hand,
976
00:37:23,742 --> 00:37:24,843
cleaning up your mess.
977
00:37:24,876 --> 00:37:25,811
Why are you mad at me?
978
00:37:25,844 --> 00:37:26,978
I'm not mad at you,
979
00:37:27,012 --> 00:37:28,347
I'm mad at myself.
980
00:37:28,380 --> 00:37:30,682
(sighs)
981
00:37:30,716 --> 00:37:34,320
There are other ways
to get out of this building
982
00:37:34,353 --> 00:37:36,355
but I walked by your patio.
983
00:37:37,856 --> 00:37:39,758
And my girlfriend is
20 feet through that wall,
984
00:37:39,791 --> 00:37:41,793
and I'm standing here.
985
00:37:43,729 --> 00:37:45,364
I gotta go.
986
00:37:46,732 --> 00:37:47,733
Please, Greg...
987
00:37:48,667 --> 00:37:51,537
I just want someone
to be here with me.
988
00:37:51,570 --> 00:37:52,638
Right.
989
00:37:52,671 --> 00:37:53,739
"Someone."
990
00:37:53,772 --> 00:37:55,641
That's the problem.
991
00:37:55,674 --> 00:37:57,909
Feel better, Bunch.
992
00:38:03,682 --> 00:38:05,651
SCOTT:
So she's not into Greg?
993
00:38:05,684 --> 00:38:08,687
No, not at all,
but he is really into her,
994
00:38:08,720 --> 00:38:10,055
so they keep getting
drawn together.
995
00:38:10,088 --> 00:38:11,490
But from what you've said,
996
00:38:11,523 --> 00:38:12,724
they might make a good couple.
997
00:38:12,758 --> 00:38:14,360
Maybe she should
give him a chance.
998
00:38:14,393 --> 00:38:17,062
No! Honey, keep your eyes
on the prize, okay?
999
00:38:17,095 --> 00:38:19,064
Rebecca and Josh have
an epic and pure love
1000
00:38:19,097 --> 00:38:20,766
that spans decades
and mountains.
1001
00:38:20,799 --> 00:38:22,668
Good point, she did admit
she loved Josh
1002
00:38:22,701 --> 00:38:23,835
after the bus trip.
1003
00:38:23,869 --> 00:38:25,070
(gasps) Yes!
1004
00:38:25,103 --> 00:38:26,572
Very good!
1005
00:38:26,605 --> 00:38:28,774
Oh, did I tell you about
how I got her invited
1006
00:38:28,807 --> 00:38:30,776
to Josh's parents' house
for Thanksgiving?
1007
00:38:30,809 --> 00:38:32,010
Was that when she got
the kiss on the cheek?
1008
00:38:32,043 --> 00:38:33,579
Oh...
1009
00:38:33,612 --> 00:38:35,414
No, no, no, no, that was
when they went to the camp.
1010
00:38:41,019 --> 00:38:43,589
God, it's so sexy
when you listen.
1011
00:38:46,157 --> 00:38:47,826
(laughing)
1012
00:38:53,699 --> 00:38:55,367
Thought I might find you here,
1013
00:38:55,401 --> 00:38:58,737
having your morning mocha loco.
1014
00:38:58,770 --> 00:39:01,006
So... what happened?
1015
00:39:01,039 --> 00:39:02,374
You never called me back.
1016
00:39:02,408 --> 00:39:03,642
I called you, like, 50 times.
1017
00:39:03,675 --> 00:39:05,544
I mean, did Josh just leave
1018
00:39:05,577 --> 00:39:07,513
or is he on his way?
1019
00:39:08,714 --> 00:39:10,782
Honey, what happened?
1020
00:39:10,816 --> 00:39:12,784
I, um...
1021
00:39:12,818 --> 00:39:15,020
I ruined everything, Paula.
1022
00:39:15,053 --> 00:39:17,789
Like... it was a disaster.
1023
00:39:19,190 --> 00:39:21,893
You can't even imagine
how bad it was.
1024
00:39:21,927 --> 00:39:23,629
Well, how? I mean,
we got the rock
1025
00:39:23,662 --> 00:39:24,796
through the window
before you got home.
1026
00:39:24,830 --> 00:39:25,897
I don't want to talk about it.
1027
00:39:25,931 --> 00:39:26,932
That's how bad it is.
1028
00:39:26,965 --> 00:39:28,166
I-I...
1029
00:39:28,199 --> 00:39:29,735
I just don't even
want to talk about it.
1030
00:39:29,768 --> 00:39:31,803
Just... okay.
1031
00:39:31,837 --> 00:39:33,672
(exhales)
1032
00:39:33,705 --> 00:39:36,808
I ruined everything.
1033
00:39:36,842 --> 00:39:39,478
Because that's what I do.
1034
00:39:39,511 --> 00:39:41,179
I ruin things.
Okay.
1035
00:39:41,212 --> 00:39:42,180
So that's what happened.
1036
00:39:42,213 --> 00:39:43,582
Okay. Okay.
1037
00:39:43,615 --> 00:39:45,717
Hey... I don't
know what happened,
1038
00:39:45,751 --> 00:39:47,986
and we do not have
to talk about it. Now.
1039
00:39:48,019 --> 00:39:51,457
I mean, clearly I'm going
to need all the deets later.
1040
00:39:51,490 --> 00:39:52,524
Paula...
But you are... hey.
1041
00:39:52,558 --> 00:39:53,925
You are not a ruiner.
1042
00:39:53,959 --> 00:39:55,794
Okay, do you hear me?
1043
00:39:55,827 --> 00:39:57,863
You are the opposite.
You're a-a put-together-er.
1044
00:39:57,896 --> 00:39:59,865
Paula, you don't know
what you're talking about,
1045
00:39:59,898 --> 00:40:01,032
and it doesn't even make sense.
1046
00:40:01,066 --> 00:40:03,769
Oh, okay, you want to know
what you put together-ered?
1047
00:40:03,802 --> 00:40:05,804
My marriage.
1048
00:40:05,837 --> 00:40:07,739
What?
Yes!
1049
00:40:07,773 --> 00:40:10,776
I mean, who knew a little
vandalism would be, like,
1050
00:40:10,809 --> 00:40:14,212
the most amazing
foreplay we had ever had?!
1051
00:40:14,245 --> 00:40:16,848
I mean, look at
this text from Scott.
1052
00:40:16,882 --> 00:40:18,517
I mean, look at
all these emojis.
1053
00:40:18,550 --> 00:40:20,519
He sent me, like,
a unicorn and a panda.
1054
00:40:20,552 --> 00:40:22,821
Hmm.
And, like, 11 different
kinds of hearts.
1055
00:40:22,854 --> 00:40:24,723
Oh.
(laughing)
1056
00:40:24,756 --> 00:40:26,658
Oh, no, no, don't
scroll there. Oh.
Whoa.
1057
00:40:26,692 --> 00:40:27,826
Yeah. Okay.
Wow.
1058
00:40:27,859 --> 00:40:29,528
Sorry. I'm sorry
you had to see that.
1059
00:40:29,561 --> 00:40:33,198
No. You... you go.
1060
00:40:33,231 --> 00:40:35,601
Okay, but listen to me.
1061
00:40:35,634 --> 00:40:37,836
You and Josh--
you're on a journey.
1062
00:40:37,869 --> 00:40:39,805
Okay? So there's
gonna be peaks,
1063
00:40:39,838 --> 00:40:41,640
but there's also
gonna be valleys.
1064
00:40:41,673 --> 00:40:45,511
And yes, maybe even a
long, dry, flat plateau
1065
00:40:45,544 --> 00:40:47,045
called "my-kids-are-little,
don't-touch-me."
1066
00:40:47,078 --> 00:40:51,617
But the valleys are gonna
make those peaks even sweeter.
1067
00:40:51,650 --> 00:40:54,853
So... take a deep breath.
1068
00:40:58,857 --> 00:41:01,860
Look how beautiful
it is today.
1069
00:41:01,893 --> 00:41:06,632
And know that everything
is gonna be okay.
1070
00:41:06,665 --> 00:41:10,936
And if it's not,
we will make it okay.
1071
00:41:10,969 --> 00:41:13,705
I promise you.
1072
00:41:15,273 --> 00:41:17,242
Are you sure?
1073
00:41:17,275 --> 00:41:19,845
We will find a way.
1074
00:41:19,878 --> 00:41:21,780
Come here.
1075
00:41:21,813 --> 00:41:23,915
I swear.
1076
00:41:25,951 --> 00:41:28,253
I think I have a UTI.
1077
00:41:32,591 --> 00:41:34,793
Harry, did you okay
a police escort to get a woman
1078
00:41:34,826 --> 00:41:36,094
to her ex-boyfriend's
house faster?
1079
00:41:36,127 --> 00:41:37,996
Yes, sir, but you have
to understand...
1080
00:41:38,029 --> 00:41:40,566
Judge Spenser, that was
an unnecessary expenditure,
1081
00:41:40,599 --> 00:41:42,934
not to mention
you put our citizens at risk.
1082
00:41:42,968 --> 00:41:44,636
But sir, it was urgent.
1083
00:41:44,670 --> 00:41:46,137
It was a text-mergency.
1084
00:41:46,171 --> 00:41:48,306
You mean a text-tastrophe?
1085
00:41:48,339 --> 00:41:50,976
Is that what caught on?
1086
00:41:51,009 --> 00:41:52,310
It figures.
1087
00:41:52,343 --> 00:41:53,679
Damn it!
1088
00:41:53,712 --> 00:41:54,846
Judge Spenser,
1089
00:41:54,880 --> 00:41:56,882
why are you getting so upset?
1090
00:41:57,916 --> 00:41:59,885
What's this really about?
1091
00:41:59,918 --> 00:42:03,254
I left my wife for a prostitute.
(crying)
1092
00:42:03,288 --> 00:42:05,290
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