Original subtitles

in movies

lines aren't as precious

because you know often

in order to make it feel real the the

line is not so written. It's much more

conversational.

Sometimes you get a great line uh

and you want to keep it that way, but a

lot of times, you know, I would look

over best lines from the movies of 2008,

and you'd look down the list and it

would be, "Let's get out of here,

you know, and they're really talking

about the moment in the movie, not the

line." Uh, you only test dialogue uh by

running it, you know, with the actors.

And I remember a scene in a movie I did

which I wrote called Simple Twist of

Fate. It was not a big hit or anything.

And I had a scene

that was between two characters. I

wasn't in it. And I was having trouble

making the links. I needed to get like

three points made in this scene, which

is always trouble.

And I thought, okay, here's point one.

Here's point 2 and it's not it's not

flowing great. But also on the other

hand, I'm thinking this is the way

people talk. They kind of jump around a

little bit. They change the subject. So

I made an excuse and I said, "Okay, that

that'll be fine."

And they went off to shoot the scene. I

wasn't there. And when it came back, it

had been changed

uh more correctly by by the actors

because they were having trouble leaping

from one thought to the next as actors.

And and it worked out it worked out

fine. But I find if a if an actor's

having trouble,

I'm suspicious of the line. And I always

investigate the line. if they can't

remember it for some reason, it means

maybe it's not following correctly. So,

I I I really just listen to the flow of

the conversation and also the actor's

trouble could indicate a problem with

the line.

Hey, let's uh let's take a look at this

uh sketch that Beth wrote, which I I

found very funny,

and it's really good. that's about some

very smug people having, you know, a

kind of a would you call it? A creepy uh

upper class memory. And I'm looking at

it, I'm going, well, okay, it's uh it's

five pages. Five pages. And I and I did

feel that maybe there's like one beat

too many that you know, you get the idea

and now you're just reiterating the

idea. But anyway, this is called

Remember the Titanic. They're they're

sitting on a lawn. What a lovely breeze.

Isabella says, "Say, that reminds me of

the time we took that trip on that ocean

liner." What was that called? Oh yes,

the R RMS Titanic. What a what a fine

trip that was. Oh yes, the Titanic. That

was the spring of 1914. Do I remember

that correctly? Oh yes. Remember,

Evelyn, what's the year you started

wearing those love? That's the year you

started wearing those lovely long

necklaces. Oh yes, but remember how they

were always getting caught on the soup

ladles in the parlor? What a disaster.

But but ladies, let's not forget that

trip wasn't all fun and games. Oh yes,

you and Evelyn got into that lover's

spat. I got so mad I threw a half full

cup of tea at you. Yes, but luckily

something caused the ship to jerk

sharply and you missed throwing throwing

the cup overboard. Oh, thanks heaven I

didn't hurt you. I'm sorry I'm not doing

justice to your piece. But then then

James says somberly, "But ladies, that

reminds me of certain other terrible

events from that trip." Oh yes, my

former bow. Philip proposed to Philip

proposed to another woman. I was so

shocked I fainted in front of everyone.

I nearly died of embarrassment. Yes, but

it wasn't all so terrible. Remember

those nice German boys helped you up to

your room and one of them gave you a

beautiful watercolor painting? Do you

still have it? No. No. A mysterious leak

in our cabin floor ruined it. Oh, what a

tragedy.

I wonder what ever happened to those

nice German chaps. I believe they worked

in the boiler room. Probably still

steaming around the world trying to

charm those young ladies. I suppose,

James. Now, wasn't there some other

trauma on that boat involving lifeboats?

Yes, it was some sort of nighttime boat

race that we all participated in. I

remember now. It was so terribly cold. I

can't think of why I agreed to it. Oh,

yes. The cold was awful. And remember

how some people decided to jump in and

swim the race? It was so hard to

navigate the boats around them. That's

right. I believe that's the only way the

secondass passengers were allowed to

participate. They shouldn't have allowed

them to participate at all. I remember

some of them got rowdy and tried to

climb into our boat. Terrible manners.

Just goes to show you why gentleman's

sports should be reserved for the upper

class. Yes. What a strange ship the I'm

sorry I'm clumsily doing your your

thing. What a strange ship the White

Star Line ran. Now that I think of it,

they lost my luggage on that trip and I

had to buy all new gowns afterwards.

Yes, me too. I can't seem to remember

clearly, but it was at some point on

that trip that I injured this trick leg

of mine. It hasn't been the same since.

Didn't someone knock you down running

somewhere? Oh, yes, now I remember. It

was when we were queuing up for the boat

race. People were terribly excited and

pushy for some reason. The confinement

of ocean travel does strange things to

people. My sister won't even talk to me

since that trip. Oh, did you two

quarrel? I can't remember if we did, but

I haven't seen or heard from her since.

Not even a Christmas card. Maybe we

should invite her on another trip and

straighten things out between you. Oh,

yes. Let's see if we can book another

trip on the Titanic for old times sake.

Yes, another trip to now. What port was

it that we disembarked at? I can't seem

to remember. Me either. I think I was

too drunk to remember much of that trip

clearly. Oh, we were all marvelously

drunk. I'm marvelously drunk right now.

Everybody clinks. Haha.

I I think there's some trims in this

uh

as I look at I'm just so ad livinging

and so remember everything I say you go

he's an idiot because you may know

better about the piece. But if I were

editing this, I would say um see it all

all starts great. The premise is really

clearly established. Yes, the Titanic,

that was spring, if I remember

correctly.

And and now let's not forget that trip

wasn't all fun and games. Good setup

because you think we're going to go to

where they need to go. They don't. Oh

yes, you and Evelyn got into the lover

spatter of matter through a half full

cup of tea, but luckily something caused

the ship to jerk sharply and you missed

throwing the cup overboard.

That's fine because that indicates they

were there when the disaster happened.

So now you know. And then James says,

"Ladies, that reminds me of certain

other terrible events from that trip."

But he doesn't say what they are.

Everybody else does. And he never says

one.

But if he just said a simple thing like,

"Weren't there other terrible things on

that trip?" That sets him that yes, you

know,

uh, my former boat. Now, I think the the

bit with the German boys

um feels a little wishy-washy to me and

I thought that if you could go but

ladies that reminds me of certain other

terri or say uh weren't there other

terrible events on that trip and he says

it again on the next page now wasn't

there some other trauma on that trip so

you could go just compress that say

wasn't There's some terrible event on

the trip involving lifeboats. Now you've

cut out a half a page. Yeah.

And you're still in the bit and you're

into a new subject. And I think that

that's a very clear. Yeah. There's some

sort of nighttime boat race that we all

participated in. Now I know where I'm

at. I picture it in the movie or you

know from the history.

You say and then you go down to

Yes, I remember. Uh you you could say uh

you so you say involving lifeboats. Oh

yes.

And remember how some people decided to

jump in and swim the race. You say, "So

now you're you're leaving out two more

lines." You'd have to say, "Now, wasn't

there some other thing involving

lifeboats and or a boat race or

something?" And say, "Oh, yes. Some

people jumped in and then they I

remember that they got rowdy and tried

to climb into our boat and you cut out

like three more lines. It says terrible

manners and this gets a laugh. I think

just goes to show why gentleman's sport

should be reserved for the upper class.

And remember they lost all my luggage.

Oh, that was terrible. Now I think

you're like moving along quickly.

Maybe see how this the best way to do

this.

Cut your piece off.

No, go ahead.

and and you're still making the you're

still having the same essence of the

piece just letting it not wander so

much, you know. Um,

then Charles says, "I can't seem to

remember clearly, but it was at some

point that trip I injured this trick leg

of mine. Didn't someone knock you down?"

I don't know if you need the trick leg

line. They He says it could go I had to

buy all new gowns. Oh, yes, me too. And

Charles, didn't someone knock you down?

and he'd go, "Oh, yes. I it reinjured my

trick leg. It was when we were queuing

up for the light, but I just think it

moves a little faster." So, he doesn't

have to have that that line. Oh, yes. It

was when we queuing up for the boat

race. People were terribly excited and

pushy for some reason. Now, I like this.

The confinement of ocean, they get very,

you know, get back to their intellectual

base here. The confinement of ocean

travel does strange things to people.

But I really think as I remember I was

reading this this line, the confinement

of ocean travel does strange things to

people could really come after

I remember some of them got rowdy and

tried to climb into our boat. Well, the

confinement o ocean travel really uh

gets you know and you just start

thinking what line is best after what

other line

and then then you say and I I love this

bit. My sister won't even talk to me

about that trip. I think that's great.

This is all going great. You two

quarrel. I can't remember. I haven't

heard from her. It's really funny. Not

even a Christmas card. Oh.

Uh, that's, you know, whatever. What

have been Led? Maybe we should invite

her on another trip and straighten

things out between you two. And they're

like, we could book another trip on the

Titanic for old times sake. Now, then

they start talking about and I get too

drunk and then it just sort of winds

down. And I was thinking I thought, what

what possible endings are there? I

thought of just to kind of not have it

be a fade out, you know, where they just

kind of keep talking and you just kind

of lower the lights and say goodbye.

I I thought of something in the realm of

let's see if you can book another trip

on the Titanic for old times sake

or or they could say maybe you should

invite her on another trip and

straighten things out straighten things

out. And then one of them says,

"Remember

that trip we took on the Hindenburg."

Wasn't that lovely? Oh yes. What? That's

so many stories. You and you could go

out on like a bigger note. But I do

think there's you just think of just a

little punchier end something in that

realm. Anyway, it's it's really good. It

it it makes you laugh, you know, when

especially as the premise.

Usually these thing these things start

you establish the premise and the

premise is funny

then you have to exploit the premise and

it starts to get routine. So I go okay

now how many how many ways can we

restate the premise or take it in a new

direction. That that's always the

problem with the sketch. And uh and then

you've got to come up with either a

symbolic ending, meaning it's not really

an ending, but it gets you out, you

know, or a fantastic ending, which is,

you know,

rare, you know, rare. Any questions or

any because I mean, are you sitting

there thinking, well, I happen to know

that line works great that he wants to

take out.

I agree with this. I think those lines

did okay, but I wasn't like I wasn't

like I need them.

It's so great to be able to to take a

piece and you've you've you've written

it carefully and long and lengthy and

you've you know what I call exploiting

the idea and and then go okay now

wouldn't this line really be responsive

to this sentence rather than all this

stuff in between? And that it can really

make your day when you're suddenly

watching it and going, "Oh, those three

lines that were just okay are gone."

When I was, you know, hot in the 70s,

they'd say, "Oh, you have a great sense

of humor." I said, "No, the audience

does." You know, they're the ones who

are determining determining this. And

everything

you do as a performer, entertainer, and

even an artist

is

about response.

And I think people, you know, there's a

kind of cliche like, I'm just going to

write this for myself.

Really? Why? because eventually

someone's going to read it or watch it

or listen to it and it's and it's going

to be absorbed and and interpreted.

Uh so don't ever kid yourself to think

this is just for me. A joke isn't real.

Uh unless there's an audience, that's

one thing that's very important for a

comedian or even a writer. Listen to the

audience. The audience is your editor.

They're editing it for you. You hardly

even have to think. You know, you test a

comedy movie. You need to test a movie

for just to see if laughs or just see if

if uh if the audience understands

what's happening and would they would

test a scene and they test cards would

come back and they'd say, you know, the

uh so- and so scene is too long. I say I

say, how long is that scene? It's three

and a half minutes. Okay, let's work on

it. We take it down to two minutes. And

then we screen it again. You get the

cards coming back and they say, "The so-

and so scene is too long.

Gee, we just took a minute and a half.

Let's take it down further. Let's take

it down. Take it. Take it down to a

minute." Then you screen it. Cards come

back. Say, "So and so scene is too

long." You go, "Oh, they don't like that

scene. It's it's this information that's

always coming at you. You're all

constantly being fed information of how

how to edit. Of course, the great thing

about comedy is this. There's this

actual test, laughter.