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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,573 --> 00:00:03,807 Growing up, we all have our embarrassing secrets. 2 00:00:13,785 --> 00:00:15,719 Mine was that I loved George Michael 3 00:00:15,787 --> 00:00:18,255 and I wanted to dance exactly like him. 4 00:00:18,322 --> 00:00:19,890 Yep, this was the kind of secret 5 00:00:19,957 --> 00:00:21,858 I didn't want to tell anyone... 6 00:00:21,926 --> 00:00:23,860 Even my best friend, Emmy Mirsky, 7 00:00:23,928 --> 00:00:25,762 and we told each other everything. 8 00:00:25,830 --> 00:00:27,464 So, what's it gonna be, muscles? 9 00:00:27,532 --> 00:00:29,366 It's the biggest decision of my life. 10 00:00:29,434 --> 00:00:30,333 Just let me think. 11 00:00:30,401 --> 00:00:31,802 What's to think about? 12 00:00:31,869 --> 00:00:34,371 Brian McMann made it pretty darn clear. 13 00:00:34,439 --> 00:00:36,473 Do you like him? Yes or no? 14 00:00:36,541 --> 00:00:38,742 Can't I just write in a third box that says "maybe"? 15 00:00:38,809 --> 00:00:40,877 You've been in love with him since first grade. 16 00:00:40,945 --> 00:00:42,593 - I'm checking "yes." - No. 17 00:00:43,147 --> 00:00:44,581 Okay. 18 00:00:44,649 --> 00:00:46,983 I'm gonna tell you the hugest secret on the planet, 19 00:00:47,051 --> 00:00:50,387 but you have to swear on our friendship you won't ever tell anyone. 20 00:00:50,454 --> 00:00:52,422 Okay. I swear on our friendship. 21 00:00:52,490 --> 00:00:55,091 I kissed Rob Butchenhart behind the gym during the fire drill. 22 00:00:55,159 --> 00:00:56,226 No way! 23 00:00:56,293 --> 00:00:57,827 I've spun quite the web. 24 00:00:57,895 --> 00:00:59,896 All right. I'm gonna tell you a secret. 25 00:00:59,964 --> 00:01:01,998 But you got to swear on our friendship, 26 00:01:02,066 --> 00:01:05,635 under penalty of death, that you won't ever tell anyone. 27 00:01:05,703 --> 00:01:07,270 - Done. - I pulled that fire alarm. 28 00:01:07,338 --> 00:01:08,538 What?! Why?! 29 00:01:08,606 --> 00:01:09,906 I sat in pudding at lunch. 30 00:01:09,974 --> 00:01:12,175 I didn't want anyone to misinterpret the situation. 31 00:01:12,243 --> 00:01:13,610 I got something to tell you, 32 00:01:13,677 --> 00:01:15,578 but you have to swear on our friendship you won't get mad. 33 00:01:15,646 --> 00:01:16,980 I swear. 34 00:01:17,047 --> 00:01:18,281 I put that pudding cup on your chair. 35 00:01:18,349 --> 00:01:21,251 Damn it! Now I can't get mad. Stupid friendship swear. 36 00:01:21,318 --> 00:01:23,653 - You know what? I'm marking "yes." - W... No! 37 00:01:23,721 --> 00:01:25,021 You may wonder... if we told 38 00:01:25,089 --> 00:01:27,123 all this embarrassing stuff to each other, 39 00:01:27,191 --> 00:01:29,726 why would I keep my awesome moves a secret? 40 00:01:29,793 --> 00:01:31,427 This is why. 41 00:01:42,172 --> 00:01:44,140 Snuggle monster! 42 00:01:44,208 --> 00:01:46,542 I can't believe you broke your arm dancing. 43 00:01:46,610 --> 00:01:48,644 It was either that or when mom jumped on me. 44 00:01:48,712 --> 00:01:50,246 I'm so psyched. 45 00:01:50,314 --> 00:01:52,915 This severe compound fracture is my ticket to popularity. 46 00:01:52,983 --> 00:01:55,485 Nerd's right. Everybody loves the kid in the cast. 47 00:01:55,552 --> 00:01:57,487 Yeah, until everybody finds out how he broke it. 48 00:01:57,554 --> 00:01:58,437 Why? 49 00:01:58,439 --> 00:02:01,124 What's wrong with a lonely boy in his room videotaping himself 50 00:02:01,191 --> 00:02:03,059 shaking his groove thang to George Michael? 51 00:02:03,127 --> 00:02:04,627 Yeah, I hear it now. 52 00:02:04,695 --> 00:02:06,462 Just come up with a good lie... Something cool. 53 00:02:06,530 --> 00:02:07,763 Got it! 54 00:02:07,831 --> 00:02:10,166 You were Van-surfing like stiles from "Teen Wolf"! 55 00:02:10,234 --> 00:02:12,335 Idiot, we don't have a van. 56 00:02:12,402 --> 00:02:13,903 No, wait... something about ninjas! 57 00:02:13,971 --> 00:02:15,404 No, wait... sharks. Ninja Sharks! 58 00:02:15,472 --> 00:02:16,672 Just keep it simple. 59 00:02:16,740 --> 00:02:18,507 Say you broke it skateboarding or something. 60 00:02:18,575 --> 00:02:22,078 I'm telling you... ninja... sharks. 61 00:02:22,145 --> 00:02:25,348 Erica was right... Keep it cool and simple. 62 00:02:25,415 --> 00:02:27,583 And I knew just the thing. 63 00:02:27,651 --> 00:02:30,720 That year, Robert Zemeckis, director of "Back to the Future II," 64 00:02:30,787 --> 00:02:32,521 gave an interview where he admitted 65 00:02:32,589 --> 00:02:34,390 that hoverboards were, in fact, real. 66 00:02:34,458 --> 00:02:36,325 They've been around for years. 67 00:02:36,393 --> 00:02:37,827 It's just that parents' groups 68 00:02:37,894 --> 00:02:39,962 have not let toy manufacturers make them. 69 00:02:40,030 --> 00:02:41,430 But we got our hands on some. 70 00:02:41,498 --> 00:02:45,234 Thanks to Mr. Zemeckis, I had a cover story anyone would believe. 71 00:02:45,302 --> 00:02:46,335 Hoverboard. 72 00:02:46,403 --> 00:02:48,671 I was on a hoverboard! 73 00:02:48,738 --> 00:02:49,905 Aah! 74 00:02:55,178 --> 00:02:57,612 The Goldbergs - 02x08 I Rode a Hoverboard 75 00:03:03,753 --> 00:03:05,788 It was December 3rd, 1980-something, 76 00:03:05,855 --> 00:03:07,089 and just like every night, 77 00:03:07,157 --> 00:03:10,292 my mom was working her fingers to the bone to make us dinner. 78 00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:12,094 She whisked, balled, and breaded, 79 00:03:12,162 --> 00:03:14,797 customizing each plate to our tastes. 80 00:03:14,864 --> 00:03:16,799 Extra meat sauce. 81 00:03:16,866 --> 00:03:18,701 No meat sauce. 82 00:03:18,765 --> 00:03:20,576 Just meat sauce. 83 00:03:20,578 --> 00:03:23,372 And for all the hard work, this was the thanks she'd always get. 84 00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:24,973 Jello again? 85 00:03:25,041 --> 00:03:26,008 I hate this stuff. 86 00:03:26,076 --> 00:03:26,709 Barf. 87 00:03:26,776 --> 00:03:28,444 Excuse me! 88 00:03:28,511 --> 00:03:31,146 I have been slaving over a hot stove all day. 89 00:03:31,214 --> 00:03:32,715 Do you know how many meals in a row 90 00:03:32,782 --> 00:03:34,049 I've cooked for you people? 91 00:03:34,117 --> 00:03:35,617 53,000. 92 00:03:35,685 --> 00:03:37,586 - That can't be right. - Thank your mother. 93 00:03:37,654 --> 00:03:38,587 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 94 00:03:38,655 --> 00:03:40,489 Ohh. That's not why I do it. 95 00:03:40,557 --> 00:03:43,225 It's exactly why she did it. 96 00:03:43,293 --> 00:03:44,693 I mean, sure, my feet ache, 97 00:03:44,761 --> 00:03:46,862 and I've done permanent damage to my arches 98 00:03:46,930 --> 00:03:49,231 and probably ruined a very lucrative dance career, 99 00:03:49,299 --> 00:03:51,300 but I think it's worth it. 100 00:03:51,367 --> 00:03:53,335 My dad didn't normally get involved, 101 00:03:53,403 --> 00:03:55,304 but when it came to food, he was full of ideas. 102 00:03:55,371 --> 00:03:58,240 You know what, Bevy? I think you should take tomorrow off. 103 00:03:58,308 --> 00:03:59,148 What's that? 104 00:03:59,150 --> 00:04:01,443 Yeah, a new restaurant opened up around the corner. 105 00:04:01,511 --> 00:04:02,978 It's called China Garden. 106 00:04:03,046 --> 00:04:05,314 Chinese food? Never had it, so I don't like it. 107 00:04:05,381 --> 00:04:06,915 Yep, the '80s was a simpler time, 108 00:04:06,983 --> 00:04:09,117 when your small town only had four restaurants... 109 00:04:09,185 --> 00:04:10,986 The Bar and Grill, The Sandwich Place, 110 00:04:11,054 --> 00:04:12,187 the other Sandwich Place, 111 00:04:12,255 --> 00:04:13,522 and Bennigan's... 112 00:04:13,589 --> 00:04:15,157 Which was also a sandwich place. 113 00:04:15,224 --> 00:04:16,625 Come on. It looks good. 114 00:04:16,693 --> 00:04:20,162 There's a happy dragon on the sign patting his full tummy. 115 00:04:20,229 --> 00:04:22,664 You know, Dave Kim's parents own that place. 116 00:04:22,732 --> 00:04:25,500 Oh! Maybe we can get some free french fries! 117 00:04:25,568 --> 00:04:26,635 Hey, stupid. 118 00:04:26,703 --> 00:04:28,336 It's Chinese fries. 119 00:04:28,404 --> 00:04:29,805 Well, I'm sold. 120 00:04:29,872 --> 00:04:33,208 Let Dave Kim's mom deal with you ungrateful animals for the night. 121 00:04:33,276 --> 00:04:35,677 But there was one thing my mom didn't count on... 122 00:04:35,745 --> 00:04:38,547 Chinese food is the greatest thing ever! 123 00:04:38,614 --> 00:04:41,016 Holy balls! 124 00:04:41,083 --> 00:04:43,452 They put pork inside of a pancake... 125 00:04:43,519 --> 00:04:44,619 Right inside! 126 00:04:44,687 --> 00:04:46,288 I feel like I'm crying a little. 127 00:04:46,355 --> 00:04:49,057 Flavor is literally exploding through the crispy skin, 128 00:04:49,125 --> 00:04:50,358 right into my taste buds! 129 00:04:50,426 --> 00:04:52,594 It's a little greasy for my palate. 130 00:04:52,662 --> 00:04:54,396 Said my insanely jealous mom. 131 00:04:54,463 --> 00:04:56,565 Everybody enjoying the food so far? 132 00:04:56,632 --> 00:04:57,966 Oh, my God, yes. 133 00:04:58,034 --> 00:04:59,234 We're gonna come tomorrow night 134 00:04:59,302 --> 00:05:01,036 and every other night for the rest of our lives. 135 00:05:01,103 --> 00:05:03,204 Dave Kim is a very lucky boy. 136 00:05:03,272 --> 00:05:05,307 In that moment, Beverly Goldberg saw 137 00:05:05,374 --> 00:05:08,043 another mom get something she'd never got before... 138 00:05:08,110 --> 00:05:09,978 True appreciation. 139 00:05:10,046 --> 00:05:11,012 Moo shu? 140 00:05:11,948 --> 00:05:12,781 Oh! 141 00:05:12,848 --> 00:05:15,383 Oh, that was my fault. 142 00:05:15,451 --> 00:05:17,719 Um well, it's ruined now. 143 00:05:17,787 --> 00:05:19,754 I guess that means we should go, huh? 144 00:05:19,822 --> 00:05:21,222 Ah, don't sweat it. 145 00:05:21,290 --> 00:05:23,058 We'll get another one of those. 146 00:05:23,125 --> 00:05:24,659 And I'll tell you what... 147 00:05:24,727 --> 00:05:26,895 A refill on this delicious, exotic tea. 148 00:05:26,962 --> 00:05:28,329 - Mmm. - That's duck sauce. 149 00:05:28,397 --> 00:05:30,765 That is good. 150 00:05:30,833 --> 00:05:33,535 While my mom was feeling overshadowed by pork dumplings, 151 00:05:33,602 --> 00:05:36,504 I was the center of attention, thanks to my latest injury. 152 00:05:36,572 --> 00:05:38,617 So, how'd you break your arm, Klutz? 153 00:05:39,508 --> 00:05:41,475 I fell off a hoverboard. No biggie. 154 00:05:41,477 --> 00:05:43,912 Hey, I heard they're serving square pizza for lunch. Who's in? 155 00:05:43,979 --> 00:05:46,347 Whoa. Wait. You were on a hoverboard? 156 00:05:46,415 --> 00:05:48,183 As in a flying skateboard? 157 00:05:48,250 --> 00:05:50,485 We all know what a hoverboard is, Dave Kim. 158 00:05:50,553 --> 00:05:52,849 This putz. So, pizza! 159 00:05:52,851 --> 00:05:54,556 Wait. Are you serious right now? 160 00:05:54,623 --> 00:05:56,691 True story... I was walking through the mall, 161 00:05:56,759 --> 00:05:59,194 and a scientist walked up to me, a real doc brown type, 162 00:05:59,261 --> 00:06:01,729 and he asked if I wanted to be in a select group of kids 163 00:06:01,797 --> 00:06:03,865 to test hoverboard technology. 164 00:06:03,933 --> 00:06:05,433 Yeah, I call bullcrap. 165 00:06:05,501 --> 00:06:07,135 Tell us what really happened. 166 00:06:07,203 --> 00:06:09,037 I was losing them. 167 00:06:09,104 --> 00:06:11,206 I either had to expose myself as a dancing loser 168 00:06:11,273 --> 00:06:12,774 or pull out the big guns. 169 00:06:12,841 --> 00:06:15,276 They may not believe me, but you will. 170 00:06:15,344 --> 00:06:17,679 I swear on our friendship. 171 00:06:20,649 --> 00:06:22,617 It happened, people. He floated on air. 172 00:06:22,685 --> 00:06:24,419 Wait. Now you believe him? 173 00:06:24,486 --> 00:06:26,621 You can't lie on a friendship swear. 174 00:06:26,689 --> 00:06:27,822 It's the rules. 175 00:06:27,890 --> 00:06:30,792 Are you kidding me?! A hoverboard? 176 00:06:30,859 --> 00:06:33,695 You wereupposed to say something real, like skiing. 177 00:06:33,762 --> 00:06:34,762 Well, that's just crazy. 178 00:06:34,830 --> 00:06:36,464 No one would believe that I can ski. 179 00:06:36,532 --> 00:06:37,865 Okay, relax. 180 00:06:37,933 --> 00:06:40,368 Every kid tells that one giant lie that gets away from them. 181 00:06:40,436 --> 00:06:41,469 It's not a big deal. 182 00:06:41,537 --> 00:06:42,737 Yes, it is! 183 00:06:42,805 --> 00:06:44,739 If Emmy finds out I lied on our friendship, 184 00:06:44,807 --> 00:06:46,074 she'll hate me forever. 185 00:06:46,141 --> 00:06:47,575 Want my advice, kiddo? 186 00:06:47,643 --> 00:06:49,277 Lie your ass off. 187 00:06:49,344 --> 00:06:52,513 What?! You're supposed to be my role model and moral compass. 188 00:06:52,581 --> 00:06:54,716 We're talking about muscles Mirsky, here. 189 00:06:54,783 --> 00:06:57,285 She's a groovy dame and a hell of a best friend, 190 00:06:57,352 --> 00:06:59,220 and we got to do whatever it takes 191 00:06:59,288 --> 00:07:00,521 to save this friendship. 192 00:07:00,589 --> 00:07:02,156 But how? I'm in too deep. 193 00:07:02,224 --> 00:07:04,158 Lucky for you, I'm an expert liar, 194 00:07:04,226 --> 00:07:06,594 and I'll teach you because you're the coolest, smartest, 195 00:07:06,662 --> 00:07:08,629 most capable brother a girl could ever have. 196 00:07:08,697 --> 00:07:09,831 - Really? - No. 197 00:07:09,898 --> 00:07:11,632 But now you see how good I am. 198 00:07:18,507 --> 00:07:19,807 W-what is all this? 199 00:07:19,875 --> 00:07:22,276 This... this... smells. 200 00:07:22,344 --> 00:07:24,946 Look, you guys just loved that Chinese food so much, 201 00:07:25,013 --> 00:07:26,814 I figured, why ever go back there 202 00:07:26,882 --> 00:07:28,683 when I can make it all right here? 203 00:07:28,750 --> 00:07:32,320 I present to you... Beverly's Chinese Palace. 204 00:07:33,388 --> 00:07:34,689 You sure you know what you're doing? 205 00:07:34,756 --> 00:07:36,958 Yeah, Chinese food seems kind of complicated. 206 00:07:37,025 --> 00:07:39,594 Well, maybe for a less-experienced chef. 207 00:07:39,661 --> 00:07:40,828 That ketchup? 208 00:07:40,896 --> 00:07:41,929 It's just a base. 209 00:07:41,997 --> 00:07:43,831 Tsk. You don't understand cooking. 210 00:07:43,899 --> 00:07:45,700 Okay, all I have to do 211 00:07:45,767 --> 00:07:47,902 is put this block of frozen broccoli 212 00:07:47,970 --> 00:07:50,638 into the boiling-hot grease, and... 213 00:07:54,776 --> 00:07:56,110 Okay. 214 00:07:56,178 --> 00:07:59,347 Beverly's Chinese Palace is officially closed. 215 00:07:59,414 --> 00:08:02,350 But I can still whip up some of my shrimp parm. 216 00:08:02,417 --> 00:08:04,218 Who wants shrimp parm? Huh? 217 00:08:04,286 --> 00:08:06,687 Shrimp parm? Shrimp parm? Shrimp parm? 218 00:08:08,724 --> 00:08:10,157 Shrimp parm! 219 00:08:10,225 --> 00:08:11,926 Shrimp parm!! 220 00:08:12,961 --> 00:08:15,162 Last call. 221 00:08:15,230 --> 00:08:18,032 By the end of the week, we had been to China Garden 5 times, 222 00:08:18,100 --> 00:08:19,667 and my mom had had enough. 223 00:08:19,734 --> 00:08:20,801 Excuse me. 224 00:08:20,869 --> 00:08:23,971 Hi. I don't know if you remember me. I'm Beverly Goldberg. 225 00:08:24,039 --> 00:08:25,806 Yes, of course... You're the mom who I thought 226 00:08:25,874 --> 00:08:28,042 worked at the school 'cause she's there so much. 227 00:08:28,044 --> 00:08:29,292 I'm involved, yes. 228 00:08:29,294 --> 00:08:31,412 Uh, but today, I have a teeny, tiny favor. 229 00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:33,214 I need you to ban my family 230 00:08:33,281 --> 00:08:35,716 from eating here for life, mm'kay? 231 00:08:35,784 --> 00:08:37,685 But they're great customers. 232 00:08:37,752 --> 00:08:40,154 We have a dish named after that one... 233 00:08:40,222 --> 00:08:41,589 "Big tasty pork." 234 00:08:41,656 --> 00:08:44,091 It's fried pork with regular pork on top. 235 00:08:44,159 --> 00:08:45,559 He would love that, yes. 236 00:08:45,627 --> 00:08:47,962 Uh, look, let's talk mother-to-mother, here. 237 00:08:48,029 --> 00:08:50,998 You have kids. You know that dinner is special family time. 238 00:08:51,066 --> 00:08:52,700 I'm sorry, but it's not my fault 239 00:08:52,767 --> 00:08:55,069 that your family likes my food better than yours. 240 00:08:56,905 --> 00:08:58,672 Listen... 241 00:08:58,740 --> 00:09:00,708 I didn't come here looking for a war, 242 00:09:00,775 --> 00:09:03,243 but I didn't come here to turn one down, either. 243 00:09:03,311 --> 00:09:04,511 I'm not scared of you. 244 00:09:04,579 --> 00:09:06,280 Oh, you will be. 245 00:09:06,348 --> 00:09:09,049 Watch your back, Dave Kim's mom. 246 00:09:18,577 --> 00:09:21,577 At school, I had laid down a thick pile of bullcrap, 247 00:09:21,579 --> 00:09:23,913 and there was only one person with the skills to shovel me out. 248 00:09:23,981 --> 00:09:27,215 Okay, time to learn America's greatest art form... 249 00:09:27,217 --> 00:09:28,450 Lying. 250 00:09:28,452 --> 00:09:30,987 A liar is, if nothing else, a salesman. 251 00:09:31,054 --> 00:09:32,321 You got to sell your lie, 252 00:09:32,389 --> 00:09:34,423 and to do that, you got to believe it. 253 00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:35,525 Now, tell me a lie. 254 00:09:35,592 --> 00:09:36,759 I'm a fish. 255 00:09:36,827 --> 00:09:38,561 Just do the hoverboard thing. 256 00:09:38,629 --> 00:09:40,596 I...rode a hoverboard. 257 00:09:40,664 --> 00:09:42,632 Horrible! You have like 10 tells! 258 00:09:42,699 --> 00:09:44,267 No eye contact, you're fidgeting, 259 00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:45,768 and you smell like fear. 260 00:09:45,836 --> 00:09:47,870 That might be the cast. It's gotten super-stinky. 261 00:09:47,938 --> 00:09:50,039 - Smell. - No! Focus! 262 00:09:50,107 --> 00:09:53,709 The number-one rule to lying is to never, ever back down. 263 00:09:53,777 --> 00:09:56,045 Just keep lying until you come out the other side. 264 00:09:56,113 --> 00:09:57,413 Other side... got it. 265 00:09:57,481 --> 00:09:59,715 Now, look me in the eye and make me believe it. 266 00:09:59,783 --> 00:10:01,784 - I rode a hoverboard. - Again. 267 00:10:01,852 --> 00:10:03,719 - I rode a hoverboard. - Again! 268 00:10:03,787 --> 00:10:05,725 - I rode a hoverboard! - Again!! 269 00:10:05,727 --> 00:10:07,028 I rode a hoverboard!! 270 00:10:08,158 --> 00:10:09,825 Okay. 271 00:10:09,893 --> 00:10:12,762 Odd thing to say when we're talking about mitochondria, 272 00:10:12,829 --> 00:10:14,397 but, uh, since you brought it up, 273 00:10:14,464 --> 00:10:16,298 I feel obligated as your science teacher 274 00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:18,434 to inform you all that hoverboards aren't real. 275 00:10:18,502 --> 00:10:20,202 Well, that's your opinion. 276 00:10:20,270 --> 00:10:21,837 No, that's the opinion of gravity. 277 00:10:21,905 --> 00:10:23,405 - It's a gray area. - Couldn't be clearer. 278 00:10:23,473 --> 00:10:25,474 - Well, we can agree to disagree. - No, we can't. 279 00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:28,277 Hold up. Are you calling Adam a big, fat liar? 280 00:10:28,345 --> 00:10:30,679 With all due respect to Mr. Goldberg... 281 00:10:30,747 --> 00:10:32,114 100%, yes. 282 00:10:32,182 --> 00:10:34,250 Well, you're a 100% dook. 283 00:10:34,317 --> 00:10:35,884 Principal's Office... now. 284 00:10:35,952 --> 00:10:36,986 Worth it! 285 00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:38,554 As for the rest of you, 286 00:10:38,622 --> 00:10:40,923 science is based on empirical evidence, 287 00:10:40,991 --> 00:10:43,559 so unless Mr. Goldberg here can provide some, 288 00:10:43,627 --> 00:10:46,562 I will implore you all not to believe a word he says. 289 00:10:46,629 --> 00:10:48,497 - I have a video. - You have a video? 290 00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:49,463 You have a video? 291 00:10:49,465 --> 00:10:50,799 I said "Principal's Office"! 292 00:10:50,867 --> 00:10:52,634 In your face! He's got a video! 293 00:10:52,702 --> 00:10:55,604 If that's true, then everything I know about science would be wrong 294 00:10:55,672 --> 00:10:57,439 and reality as we know it would shatter. 295 00:10:57,507 --> 00:10:58,741 Dogs would fly. 296 00:10:58,808 --> 00:11:00,676 I would be dating Claudia Schiffer! 297 00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:02,744 So... we cool? 298 00:11:02,812 --> 00:11:04,713 Oh, yeah. We cool. 299 00:11:04,781 --> 00:11:07,015 So cool that if you show that video in class, 300 00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:08,817 I'll give everyone in here an "A." 301 00:11:13,656 --> 00:11:14,756 How was school, poopie? 302 00:11:14,824 --> 00:11:17,459 Worst day ever. 303 00:11:17,527 --> 00:11:20,128 Hey, can I curl up in a ball on the way back while you drive? 304 00:11:20,196 --> 00:11:21,730 Aww, schmoo, what's wrong? 305 00:11:21,798 --> 00:11:23,298 You can tell mama anyth... 306 00:11:23,366 --> 00:11:24,499 Oh, is that Dave Kim? 307 00:11:24,567 --> 00:11:26,201 Dave Kim! Dave Kim! 308 00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:27,402 What are you doing?! 309 00:11:27,470 --> 00:11:28,737 Let's invite him over for dinner. 310 00:11:28,805 --> 00:11:30,205 I don't want to invite him over for dinner! 311 00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:33,442 Just lay down in the way back and be sad, okay? 312 00:11:33,509 --> 00:11:35,677 Dave Kim! Adam wants to invite you over for dinner, Dave Kim! 313 00:11:35,745 --> 00:11:37,646 No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. Drive, drive, drive! 314 00:11:37,713 --> 00:11:41,016 Dave Kim! Please be our guest at our home tonight! 315 00:11:41,084 --> 00:11:44,037 If you want to come over, just get in the backseat now. 316 00:11:44,082 --> 00:11:45,449 - Drive! - Dave Kim! 317 00:11:48,157 --> 00:11:49,958 Well! If it isn't Dave Kim's mom. 318 00:11:50,026 --> 00:11:51,927 Funny you should drop on by. 319 00:11:51,994 --> 00:11:53,361 You called me to pick up my son. 320 00:11:53,429 --> 00:11:54,896 Did I? Huh. 321 00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:56,264 Well, yes, he's here, 322 00:11:56,332 --> 00:11:57,999 just going to town on my shrimp parm. 323 00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:01,136 He loves my cooking. 324 00:12:01,203 --> 00:12:02,804 Maybe even more than yours. 325 00:12:02,872 --> 00:12:04,506 Mom, you got to try this. 326 00:12:04,573 --> 00:12:06,341 It's both fishy and cheesy. 327 00:12:06,409 --> 00:12:09,310 You can't put cheese on seafood! 328 00:12:09,378 --> 00:12:11,546 It breaks every culinary law! 329 00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:14,582 I'll put cheese on anything. 330 00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:15,750 Anything. 331 00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:17,085 You can't cheese anything. 332 00:12:17,153 --> 00:12:19,187 I once cheesed a slice of watermelon. 333 00:12:19,255 --> 00:12:20,155 That's disgusting. 334 00:12:20,222 --> 00:12:21,189 Or is it delicious? 335 00:12:21,257 --> 00:12:22,090 This is delicious. 336 00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:23,892 Enjoy. 337 00:12:23,959 --> 00:12:26,461 I told him to come back tomorrow night with his sister. 338 00:12:26,529 --> 00:12:28,630 Jenny, is it? Sweet girl. 339 00:12:28,697 --> 00:12:31,099 She's gonna love my mac-'n'-cheese meatballs. 340 00:12:31,166 --> 00:12:32,767 That's right. 341 00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:35,937 I'll combine an entrée and side into a super-dish. 342 00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:37,772 I don't give a ... 343 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:39,674 You don't want to take me on, lady. 344 00:12:39,742 --> 00:12:41,576 This is one food war you can't win. 345 00:12:41,644 --> 00:12:42,944 Oh, I'll win. 346 00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:45,146 Shrimps will be cheesed, tummies will be stuffed, 347 00:12:45,214 --> 00:12:47,548 and your kids will be begging to come here 348 00:12:47,616 --> 00:12:49,550 during special family-dinner time. 349 00:12:49,618 --> 00:12:51,786 So, what's it gonna be? 350 00:12:55,657 --> 00:12:58,426 I'm sorry, gentlemen. We can't serve you here. 351 00:12:58,494 --> 00:12:59,827 You're talking to those two, right? 352 00:12:59,895 --> 00:13:01,195 I don't understand. 353 00:13:01,263 --> 00:13:03,231 Why are we on the wall, like a bunch of criminals? 354 00:13:03,298 --> 00:13:05,800 Yeah! I need my big tasty pork! 355 00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:07,802 Please! It's my birthright! 356 00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:09,303 Let's just say... 357 00:13:09,371 --> 00:13:12,473 Some mothers love their family so much, it's scary. 358 00:13:13,598 --> 00:13:15,076 Beverly. 359 00:13:15,143 --> 00:13:18,044 While my dad was heading back to deal with my mom, 360 00:13:18,046 --> 00:13:20,681 I was heading back to the future! 361 00:13:29,991 --> 00:13:32,259 Unfortunately, in my version, 362 00:13:32,327 --> 00:13:34,161 the future looked kind of crappy. 363 00:13:34,229 --> 00:13:35,162 Yippee! 364 00:13:35,230 --> 00:13:36,430 Here I am, 365 00:13:36,498 --> 00:13:39,266 testing out the world's first actual hover... 366 00:13:39,334 --> 00:13:40,701 Ow! Ow! 367 00:13:40,769 --> 00:13:42,036 It's squishing my parts. 368 00:13:42,103 --> 00:13:44,605 Cut. I can see the rope. This looks shoddy. 369 00:13:44,673 --> 00:13:46,207 You think? 370 00:13:46,274 --> 00:13:48,342 You said to keep lying till I get to the other side. 371 00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:49,810 When do I get to the other side? 372 00:13:49,878 --> 00:13:51,245 Just shut up and hover! 373 00:13:51,313 --> 00:13:52,546 God. 374 00:13:52,614 --> 00:13:55,549 Oh. Yeah. There. Just like that. Yep. 375 00:13:55,617 --> 00:13:57,117 That actually looks not that crappy. 376 00:13:57,185 --> 00:13:58,752 Damn it. 377 00:13:58,820 --> 00:14:00,354 Cut! Someone's in the shot. 378 00:14:00,422 --> 00:14:02,270 I can't see! Spin me around! 379 00:14:03,091 --> 00:14:04,558 Oh! Spin me back! 380 00:14:04,626 --> 00:14:05,392 Are you kidding me?! 381 00:14:05,460 --> 00:14:07,328 Emmy, I can explain. 382 00:14:07,395 --> 00:14:09,463 Here are your get-well cookies. 383 00:14:10,965 --> 00:14:12,699 Come back! 384 00:14:12,767 --> 00:14:14,368 Emmy! Wait! 385 00:14:14,436 --> 00:14:16,103 I don't want to talk to you. 386 00:14:16,171 --> 00:14:17,638 - Just let me explain. - No. 387 00:14:17,705 --> 00:14:19,106 I stood up for you. 388 00:14:19,174 --> 00:14:21,175 I got an in-school suspension and grounded for a month. 389 00:14:21,242 --> 00:14:22,342 But even worse... 390 00:14:22,410 --> 00:14:24,244 I told a bunch of people hoverboards are real! 391 00:14:24,312 --> 00:14:26,346 Trust me, the truth is too embarrassing. 392 00:14:26,414 --> 00:14:27,514 You would've lied, too. 393 00:14:27,582 --> 00:14:28,515 Not to you. 394 00:14:28,583 --> 00:14:30,317 I'm sorry, okay. 395 00:14:30,385 --> 00:14:32,152 But... it's me. 396 00:14:32,220 --> 00:14:34,054 You can't hate your best friend. 397 00:14:34,122 --> 00:14:35,455 That's the thing. 398 00:14:35,523 --> 00:14:37,391 You're not just a friend. 399 00:14:37,458 --> 00:14:39,544 You're like... my brother. 400 00:14:40,495 --> 00:14:42,529 And if I can't count on you... 401 00:14:42,597 --> 00:14:44,464 Then I have nobody. 402 00:14:44,532 --> 00:14:45,966 And just like that, 403 00:14:46,034 --> 00:14:49,036 my best friend hovered out of my life. 404 00:14:49,103 --> 00:14:51,671 Bev! You've got a lot of nerve! 405 00:14:51,739 --> 00:14:54,741 We're grown men. You cannot control us. 406 00:14:54,809 --> 00:14:56,543 Don't be silly. Of course I can. 407 00:14:56,611 --> 00:14:57,844 Fine! You can! 408 00:14:57,912 --> 00:14:59,546 But the one freedom we have is food, 409 00:14:59,614 --> 00:15:01,281 and you can't take that away from us. 410 00:15:01,349 --> 00:15:02,315 I won't let you! 411 00:15:02,383 --> 00:15:04,351 Let's discuss it over dinner. 412 00:15:04,418 --> 00:15:05,352 Sit down. 413 00:15:05,419 --> 00:15:07,220 I made cheeseburger meatloaf. 414 00:15:07,288 --> 00:15:09,923 Behold my mom's secret weapon. 415 00:15:09,991 --> 00:15:12,526 It was cheese. It was meat. It was loaf. 416 00:15:12,593 --> 00:15:13,960 And it was spectacular. 417 00:15:14,028 --> 00:15:16,763 No! The woman's just trying to use your hunger to control you. 418 00:15:16,831 --> 00:15:18,698 Just a little taste. No taste! 419 00:15:18,766 --> 00:15:20,367 Can we at least munch some of the topping? 420 00:15:20,434 --> 00:15:22,903 No! We're never eating her food again. 421 00:15:22,970 --> 00:15:24,537 Well, China Garden's not an option, 422 00:15:24,605 --> 00:15:25,839 so where else you gonna go? 423 00:15:25,906 --> 00:15:27,707 We'll go to Bamboo Palace downtown. 424 00:15:27,775 --> 00:15:29,142 Come on, guys! Let's go! 425 00:15:29,210 --> 00:15:31,645 You'd never drive into the city during rush hour. 426 00:15:31,712 --> 00:15:32,946 Oh, I will for this. 427 00:15:33,014 --> 00:15:34,814 Well, then I'll have you banned from there, too... 428 00:15:34,882 --> 00:15:36,649 Banned from Chinatown entirely. 429 00:15:36,717 --> 00:15:38,518 Then we'll switch to Indian food. 430 00:15:38,586 --> 00:15:40,420 Your stomach can't handle the spices. 431 00:15:40,488 --> 00:15:41,788 Then we'll get Sushi! 432 00:15:41,856 --> 00:15:44,390 Raw fish? You don't even like raw carrots. 433 00:15:44,458 --> 00:15:46,326 Then we'll get Thailand food! 434 00:15:46,393 --> 00:15:49,028 That's right... Food from wherever that is! 435 00:15:49,096 --> 00:15:51,764 Why are you working so hard to take this away from me? 436 00:15:51,832 --> 00:15:53,032 Take what away from you? 437 00:15:53,100 --> 00:15:55,101 You're acting crazy! It's just dinner! 438 00:15:55,169 --> 00:15:56,536 Not to me! 439 00:15:58,072 --> 00:15:59,939 You all have your other things going on... 440 00:16:00,007 --> 00:16:03,209 Your work, your school, your hypersexual lifestyle. 441 00:16:03,277 --> 00:16:04,544 Hey. 442 00:16:04,612 --> 00:16:06,579 For me, this kitchen, these meals... 443 00:16:06,647 --> 00:16:08,948 It's all I've got. 444 00:16:09,016 --> 00:16:12,085 It's the only thing I still do that makes me feel needed. 445 00:16:12,152 --> 00:16:14,220 So, yeah, maybe that makes me crazy, 446 00:16:14,288 --> 00:16:16,923 but cooking for my family means everything to me. 447 00:16:24,264 --> 00:16:26,764 Emmy had found out that I'd never rode a hoverboard. 448 00:16:26,766 --> 00:16:28,067 It was only a matter of time 449 00:16:28,134 --> 00:16:29,702 before the rest of the class learned the truth. 450 00:16:29,769 --> 00:16:32,196 - There was no way out. - I have a way out. 451 00:16:32,198 --> 00:16:33,305 It's too late. 452 00:16:33,373 --> 00:16:36,075 I don't have time to come up with a whole new web of lies. 453 00:16:36,142 --> 00:16:38,177 That's why I did it for you. 454 00:16:38,244 --> 00:16:40,579 I got Lainey to steal this from her dad's sketchy law office. 455 00:16:40,647 --> 00:16:42,247 Nondisclosure Agreement? 456 00:16:42,315 --> 00:16:44,383 Just say that the scientist from the mall made you sign it 457 00:16:44,451 --> 00:16:47,119 and you legally can't show your hoverboard video. 458 00:16:47,187 --> 00:16:49,121 Class has started, Mr. Goldberg. 459 00:16:49,189 --> 00:16:52,291 We're all waiting for you to take us into the future. 460 00:16:52,358 --> 00:16:55,294 Ohhh! Oh, I'm hovering! 461 00:16:55,361 --> 00:16:58,597 So, I know everyone was excited to see that video 462 00:16:58,665 --> 00:17:00,332 of me hoverboarding, 463 00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:01,800 but I-I can't show it. 464 00:17:04,470 --> 00:17:07,172 You know what? Instead, I'll show you this. 465 00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:09,975 This is how I really broke my arm. 466 00:17:24,090 --> 00:17:26,158 Oh! 467 00:17:26,225 --> 00:17:27,793 Oh, man! 468 00:17:27,860 --> 00:17:30,977 I wanted that easy "A," but this is so much better. 469 00:17:30,979 --> 00:17:33,945 Well, sorry, pal. I was rooting for you. 470 00:17:33,967 --> 00:17:35,300 No, you weren't. 471 00:17:35,368 --> 00:17:36,568 That's right. 472 00:17:36,636 --> 00:17:38,837 'Cause I always root for science. 473 00:17:40,106 --> 00:17:41,940 Emmy! 474 00:17:42,008 --> 00:17:44,509 So... now you know the truth. 475 00:17:44,577 --> 00:17:45,977 Changes nothing. 476 00:17:46,045 --> 00:17:48,485 All you did was expose yourself as a Wham! Fan. 477 00:17:48,487 --> 00:17:50,482 Technically, it's George Michael's solo effort. 478 00:17:50,550 --> 00:17:53,218 But... probably not your point. 479 00:17:54,937 --> 00:17:56,672 Um, so, it's Friday night. 480 00:17:56,674 --> 00:17:57,789 See you at the treehouse? 481 00:17:57,857 --> 00:17:59,891 Dude, what part of this don't you get? 482 00:17:59,959 --> 00:18:01,560 No, I get it. 483 00:18:01,627 --> 00:18:04,467 But you said it yourself... We're more than just friends. 484 00:18:04,469 --> 00:18:05,703 We're family. 485 00:18:05,705 --> 00:18:07,966 And in my family, we fight, scream, 486 00:18:08,034 --> 00:18:11,470 and make horrible mistakes that go way too far. 487 00:18:11,537 --> 00:18:13,972 But an hour later, we're fine. 488 00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:16,041 That's what it means to be a Goldberg, 489 00:18:16,108 --> 00:18:20,011 and, like it or not, you're one of us. 490 00:18:26,719 --> 00:18:27,986 If you're looking for food, 491 00:18:28,054 --> 00:18:30,755 I got your ban lifted at China Garden. 492 00:18:30,823 --> 00:18:32,958 Enjoy your exotic new lives. 493 00:18:33,025 --> 00:18:36,194 Bevy, we thought all about what you said, 494 00:18:36,262 --> 00:18:37,629 and we're sorry. 495 00:18:37,697 --> 00:18:39,965 How could you ever think this family doesn't need you? 496 00:18:40,797 --> 00:18:42,832 I mean, look at us! 497 00:18:42,834 --> 00:18:44,135 We're a mess! 498 00:18:44,202 --> 00:18:46,771 We'd be living under a rock if it wasn't for you. 499 00:18:46,838 --> 00:18:48,706 Well, you got a point there. 500 00:18:48,774 --> 00:18:50,508 We appreciate what you do for us. 501 00:18:50,575 --> 00:18:52,643 And dad didn't even tell me to say that. 502 00:18:52,711 --> 00:18:55,312 Thank you... honestly. 503 00:18:55,380 --> 00:18:58,049 Now, what do you say we have some real dinner? 504 00:18:58,116 --> 00:19:00,684 And with that, a new Goldberg tradition began... 505 00:19:00,752 --> 00:19:02,920 Our Friday-night dinner at China Garden. 506 00:19:04,322 --> 00:19:06,457 Big tasty pork... on the house. 507 00:19:06,525 --> 00:19:07,725 We're glad you're back. 508 00:19:07,785 --> 00:19:08,838 Oh! 509 00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:10,928 - Hey, c-calm down. - All right, good. 510 00:19:12,497 --> 00:19:13,898 Hey, Klutz. 511 00:19:16,568 --> 00:19:18,235 So... you don't hate me? 512 00:19:18,303 --> 00:19:19,703 After showing that tape, 513 00:19:19,771 --> 00:19:22,473 you're gonna need all the friends you can get. 514 00:19:22,541 --> 00:19:24,875 Just... don't ever lie to me again. 515 00:19:24,943 --> 00:19:27,211 I swear it on our friendship. 516 00:19:28,647 --> 00:19:29,747 So, how's the cast? 517 00:19:29,814 --> 00:19:31,482 Oh, it's so itchy. 518 00:19:31,550 --> 00:19:33,450 It's driving me crazy. 519 00:19:33,518 --> 00:19:35,886 I have skinny fingers. Let me see if I can help. 520 00:19:35,954 --> 00:19:37,588 That's just tickling me. 521 00:19:37,656 --> 00:19:39,156 That's the thing about family. 522 00:19:39,224 --> 00:19:41,225 You fight, you yell, but in the end, 523 00:19:41,293 --> 00:19:43,761 there's no one you'd rather share Chinese with. 524 00:19:46,431 --> 00:19:49,466 Emmy, there are some people in your life right now 525 00:19:49,534 --> 00:19:51,702 that you sort of have these kind of crushes on. 526 00:19:51,770 --> 00:19:53,270 Now, out of all these people, 527 00:19:53,338 --> 00:19:55,506 is there anyone you particularly like the most? 528 00:19:55,573 --> 00:19:57,141 Do I have to say this on film? 529 00:19:57,208 --> 00:19:59,651 Well, I mean, it's not gonna... No one's gonna see it or anything. 530 00:19:59,653 --> 00:20:02,493 Uh, I don't... I'm not sure I can trust you with that. 531 00:20:02,495 --> 00:20:04,534 Oh, you can trust me. 532 00:20:05,298 --> 00:20:08,531 I'm telling you, Notre Dame's gonna go all the way this year. 533 00:20:08,533 --> 00:20:10,167 What, to some random bowl game? 534 00:20:10,235 --> 00:20:12,603 There's never gonna be a true National Champion 535 00:20:12,670 --> 00:20:14,271 until we have a playoff system. 536 00:20:14,339 --> 00:20:16,940 That's a good idea. They should do that. 537 00:20:17,008 --> 00:20:18,475 I was kidding! 538 00:20:18,543 --> 00:20:20,143 They're never gonna do that! 539 00:20:20,211 --> 00:20:21,912 What are you getting so excited? 540 00:20:21,979 --> 00:20:23,580 Because you're aggravating me! 541 00:20:23,648 --> 00:20:26,249 Stop aggravating him and come have dinner. 542 00:20:26,317 --> 00:20:27,617 Erica! 543 00:20:27,685 --> 00:20:30,253 Turn off the music and get down here! 544 00:20:41,899 --> 00:20:44,034 - I have faith. - What are you doing here?! 545 00:20:44,101 --> 00:20:46,670 Your mom's making seafood pizza. I can't miss that. 546 00:20:46,737 --> 00:20:49,439 I swear to God, you better not tell a soul about this. 547 00:20:49,507 --> 00:20:52,475 Oh, no, no. This one's just for Dave Kim. 548 00:20:52,543 --> 00:20:54,144 I'm serious. You tell no one. 549 00:20:54,211 --> 00:20:56,513 Of course. I swear on our friendship. 550 00:20:56,580 --> 00:20:57,781 What friendship? 551 00:20:57,848 --> 00:20:59,082 So, it's more than that? 552 00:20:59,150 --> 00:21:00,016 Get out! 553 00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:06,992 Sync and correction by solfieri www.addic7ed.com 40133

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