Original subtitles

Welcome to the Daily Show. I'm George. I

Welcome to the Daily Show. I'm George. I

Welcome to the Daily Show. I'm George. I got to say, we got so much to talk about

got to say, we got so much to talk about

got to say, we got so much to talk about tonight. Sean Duffy takes a road trip.

tonight. Sean Duffy takes a road trip.

tonight. Sean Duffy takes a road trip. Donald Trump takes a siesta. And RFK Jr.

Donald Trump takes a siesta. And RFK Jr.

Donald Trump takes a siesta. And RFK Jr. is disappointed in your sperm. So, let's

is disappointed in your sperm. So, let's

is disappointed in your sperm. So, let's get into the headlines.

Yesterday, Trump hosted an event on

Yesterday, Trump hosted an event on

Yesterday, Trump hosted an event on maternal health care, which is a high

maternal health care, which is a high

maternal health care, which is a high priority for the White House because

priority for the White House because

priority for the White House because what is a woman's birth canal if not a

what is a woman's birth canal if not a

what is a woman's birth canal if not a straight of hormuz that our government

straight of hormuz that our government

straight of hormuz that our government must take control of? Now, the focus of

must take control of? Now, the focus of

must take control of? Now, the focus of the event was America's lower birth

the event was America's lower birth

the event was America's lower birth rates. So, of course, Trump invited RFK

rates. So, of course, Trump invited RFK

rates. So, of course, Trump invited RFK Jr., health secretary and guy whose

Jr., health secretary and guy whose

Jr., health secretary and guy whose iPhone screen is always greasy.

iPhone screen is always greasy.

iPhone screen is always greasy. So, let me ask RFK Jr., Why are birth

So, let me ask RFK Jr., Why are birth

So, let me ask RFK Jr., Why are birth rates down? And and please remember when

rates down? And and please remember when

rates down? And and please remember when you answer, don't make this weird.

you answer, don't make this weird.

you answer, don't make this weird. >> Uh for men in 1970, men had twice the

>> Uh for men in 1970, men had twice the

>> Uh for men in 1970, men had twice the sperm count as our teenagers do today.

>> I I'm sorry. Did Did he just do a back

>> I I'm sorry. Did Did he just do a back

>> I I'm sorry. Did Did he just do a back in my day for sperm?

in my day for sperm?

in my day for sperm? BACK WHEN I WAS A TEEN, WE HAD TWICE THE

BACK WHEN I WAS A TEEN, WE HAD TWICE THE

BACK WHEN I WAS A TEEN, WE HAD TWICE THE JISM.

JISM.

JISM. OUR SPUNK KNEW HOW TO DRIVE A STICK, YOU

OUR SPUNK KNEW HOW TO DRIVE A STICK, YOU

OUR SPUNK KNEW HOW TO DRIVE A STICK, YOU KNOW. UH, THEY DON'T MAKE MAN BUTTER

KNOW. UH, THEY DON'T MAKE MAN BUTTER

KNOW. UH, THEY DON'T MAKE MAN BUTTER LIKE THAT ANYMORE.

LIKE THAT ANYMORE.

LIKE THAT ANYMORE. NOW, he didn't explain how he knows

NOW, he didn't explain how he knows

NOW, he didn't explain how he knows that, but

that, but

that, but knowing RFK, I'm sure he personally went

knowing RFK, I'm sure he personally went

knowing RFK, I'm sure he personally went down to the sperm bank and sampled them

down to the sperm bank and sampled them

down to the sperm bank and sampled them like gelato flavors. You know,

like gelato flavors. You know,

like gelato flavors. You know, can I get it with sprinkles,

can I get it with sprinkles,

can I get it with sprinkles, please? Okay. But it's interesting that

please? Okay. But it's interesting that

please? Okay. But it's interesting that he mentioned teenage sperm in particular

he mentioned teenage sperm in particular

he mentioned teenage sperm in particular because when you look at the lower birth

because when you look at the lower birth

because when you look at the lower birth rates, that's mostly driven by fewer

rates, that's mostly driven by fewer

rates, that's mostly driven by fewer teen births. By which I mean teenagers

teen births. By which I mean teenagers

teen births. By which I mean teenagers giving birth and not moms giving birth

giving birth and not moms giving birth

giving birth and not moms giving birth to teenagers, you know. Oh,

to teenagers, you know. Oh,

to teenagers, you know. Oh, congratulations. It's a Mr. Beast fan.

congratulations. It's a Mr. Beast fan.

congratulations. It's a Mr. Beast fan. I'm just confused why the government is

I'm just confused why the government is

I'm just confused why the government is apparently trying to reboot 16 and

apparently trying to reboot 16 and

apparently trying to reboot 16 and pregnant. But but Dr. Oz, maybe you have

pregnant. But but Dr. Oz, maybe you have

pregnant. But but Dr. Oz, maybe you have a good reason. And again, you know what?

a good reason. And again, you know what?

a good reason. And again, you know what? I'll remind you just please please don't

I'll remind you just please please don't

I'll remind you just please please don't make it weird.

make it weird.

make it weird. >> So let me speak a little bit about the

>> So let me speak a little bit about the

>> So let me speak a little bit about the reality that one in three Americans are

reality that one in three Americans are

reality that one in three Americans are underbabed.

>> I said don't make it weird.

>> I said don't make it weird.

>> I said don't make it weird. Underbabed?

Underbabed?

Underbabed? What does that even mean? Are we shocked

What does that even mean? Are we shocked

What does that even mean? Are we shocked no one wants to have babies anymore? I

no one wants to have babies anymore? I

no one wants to have babies anymore? I mean nothing makes the ladies want to

mean nothing makes the ladies want to

mean nothing makes the ladies want to raw dog it like hearing RFK Jr. talking

raw dog it like hearing RFK Jr. talking

raw dog it like hearing RFK Jr. talking about what the jizz was like at

about what the jizz was like at

about what the jizz was like at Woodstock.

Woodstock.

Woodstock. Let's focus up. This is an event about

Let's focus up. This is an event about

Let's focus up. This is an event about women. Let's actually hear some of the

women. Let's actually hear some of the

women. Let's actually hear some of the women speak while we all pay really,

women speak while we all pay really,

women speak while we all pay really, really, really close attention.

really, really close attention.

really, really close attention. >> In the perinatal improvement

>> In the perinatal improvement

>> In the perinatal improvement collaborative hospitals, we have reduced

collaborative hospitals, we have reduced

collaborative hospitals, we have reduced maternal mortality by 41.5%.

maternal mortality by 41.5%.

maternal mortality by 41.5%. Which is truly incredible. And this is

Which is truly incredible. And this is

Which is truly incredible. And this is compared with the 5.9% decline in

compared with the 5.9% decline in

compared with the 5.9% decline in benchmark hospitals.

benchmark hospitals.

benchmark hospitals. Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Don't judge.

Don't judge.

Don't judge. This man is exhausted from working the

This man is exhausted from working the

This man is exhausted from working the graveyard shift at his second job,

graveyard shift at his second job,

graveyard shift at his second job, posting insane AI slop all night. It's

posting insane AI slop all night. It's

posting insane AI slop all night. It's important thankless work. So, yet

important thankless work. So, yet

important thankless work. So, yet another Oval Office meeting where Trump

another Oval Office meeting where Trump

another Oval Office meeting where Trump was, as as Dr. Oz would call it, under

was, as as Dr. Oz would call it, under

was, as as Dr. Oz would call it, under conscious.

conscious.

conscious. I'd like to see the White House somehow

I'd like to see the White House somehow

I'd like to see the White House somehow spin their way out of this one.

spin their way out of this one.

spin their way out of this one. >> Now, a Reuters reporter posted a picture

>> Now, a Reuters reporter posted a picture

>> Now, a Reuters reporter posted a picture of President Trump with his eyes closed.

of President Trump with his eyes closed.

of President Trump with his eyes closed. significantly and uh the White House

significantly and uh the White House

significantly and uh the White House responded, "He was blinking, you

responded, "He was blinking, you

responded, "He was blinking, you absolute moron."

absolute moron."

absolute moron." Look, you know what? I can relate. I got

Look, you know what? I can relate. I got

Look, you know what? I can relate. I got a solid eight hours of blink last night.

a solid eight hours of blink last night.

a solid eight hours of blink last night. I mean, come on. And don't you hate when

I mean, come on. And don't you hate when

I mean, come on. And don't you hate when you're blinking and you have to get up

you're blinking and you have to get up

you're blinking and you have to get up and go pee.

and go pee.

and go pee. You have to try and get back to blink.

You have to try and get back to blink.

You have to try and get back to blink. You know, it's a nightmare.

You know, it's a nightmare.

You know, it's a nightmare. You know what? I think I see what's

You know what? I think I see what's

You know what? I think I see what's going on here. Trump and Cash Patel have

going on here. Trump and Cash Patel have

going on here. Trump and Cash Patel have split up blinking duties.

split up blinking duties.

split up blinking duties. No. Yeah.

No. Yeah.

No. Yeah. This is Yes.

This is Yes.

This is Yes. One keeps them shut and one keeps them

One keeps them shut and one keeps them

One keeps them shut and one keeps them fully open. It's government efficiency

fully open. It's government efficiency

fully open. It's government efficiency at work. But look, let's not get carried

at work. But look, let's not get carried

at work. But look, let's not get carried away here. Yes, Trump is falling asleep

away here. Yes, Trump is falling asleep

away here. Yes, Trump is falling asleep in the middle of meetings, but he's not

in the middle of meetings, but he's not

in the middle of meetings, but he's not as bad as Joe Biden. Okay, remember

as bad as Joe Biden. Okay, remember

as bad as Joe Biden. Okay, remember Sleepy Joe? He was snoozing while

Sleepy Joe? He was snoozing while

Sleepy Joe? He was snoozing while inflation just skyrocketed. This is

inflation just skyrocketed. This is

inflation just skyrocketed. This is completely different.

completely different.

completely different. >> Today, new inflation numbers at the

>> Today, new inflation numbers at the

>> Today, new inflation numbers at the highest level in nearly three years, up

highest level in nearly three years, up

highest level in nearly three years, up 3.8% from a year ago.

3.8% from a year ago.

3.8% from a year ago. >> Well, well, well.

>> Well, well, well.

>> Well, well, well. Looks like the sleepy joeer has become

Looks like the sleepy joeer has become

Looks like the sleepy joeer has become the sleepy Joe E.

the sleepy Joe E.

the sleepy Joe E. But okay. All right. Inflation is

But okay. All right. Inflation is

But okay. All right. Inflation is soaring, which means gas prices are

soaring, which means gas prices are

soaring, which means gas prices are going up, transportation costs are

going up, transportation costs are

going up, transportation costs are exploding, and our most cherished

exploding, and our most cherished

exploding, and our most cherished airlines are up in heaven now, charging

airlines are up in heaven now, charging

airlines are up in heaven now, charging the angels for water. Now, you know

the angels for water. Now, you know

the angels for water. Now, you know what? Normally, I'd be worried, but

what? Normally, I'd be worried, but

what? Normally, I'd be worried, but thank God we have Transportation

thank God we have Transportation

thank God we have Transportation Secretary Shawn Duffy, who I'm sure is

Secretary Shawn Duffy, who I'm sure is

Secretary Shawn Duffy, who I'm sure is laser focused on fixing it.

laser focused on fixing it.

laser focused on fixing it. >> Transportation Secretary Shawn Duffy is

>> Transportation Secretary Shawn Duffy is

>> Transportation Secretary Shawn Duffy is starring in a new reality show

starring in a new reality show

starring in a new reality show encouraging people to hit the road.

encouraging people to hit the road.

encouraging people to hit the road. Duffy and his wife Rachel Campos Duffy

Duffy and his wife Rachel Campos Duffy

Duffy and his wife Rachel Campos Duffy of Fox News met on MTV's Road Rules

of Fox News met on MTV's Road Rules

of Fox News met on MTV's Road Rules Allst Star. And they and their nine

Allst Star. And they and their nine

Allst Star. And they and their nine children are channeling that past in

children are channeling that past in

children are channeling that past in this five-part YouTube series. Wow.

this five-part YouTube series. Wow.

this five-part YouTube series. Wow. First off, nine kids.

First off, nine kids.

First off, nine kids. I guess we know someone who's not

I guess we know someone who's not

I guess we know someone who's not underbied.

underbied.

underbied. Now, you might be upset that your tax

Now, you might be upset that your tax

Now, you might be upset that your tax dollars were spent on sending Shawn

dollars were spent on sending Shawn

dollars were spent on sending Shawn Duffy and his entire Wuang clan on an

Duffy and his entire Wuang clan on an

Duffy and his entire Wuang clan on an all expenses paid trip around the

all expenses paid trip around the

all expenses paid trip around the country, but don't worry, you didn't put

country, but don't worry, you didn't put

country, but don't worry, you didn't put the bill. It was the other kind of

the bill. It was the other kind of

the bill. It was the other kind of corruption. Duffy says no taxpayer

corruption. Duffy says no taxpayer

corruption. Duffy says no taxpayer dollars were involved. Neither he nor

dollars were involved. Neither he nor

dollars were involved. Neither he nor his family were paid, and sponsors

his family were paid, and sponsors

his family were paid, and sponsors picked up the production tab. But

picked up the production tab. But

picked up the production tab. But looking at some of those corporate

looking at some of those corporate

looking at some of those corporate backers, government watchd dogs warn

backers, government watchd dogs warn

backers, government watchd dogs warn that the secretary is enjoying a road

that the secretary is enjoying a road

that the secretary is enjoying a road trip that appears to have been funded by

trip that appears to have been funded by

trip that appears to have been funded by the very industries his agency overseas.

the very industries his agency overseas.

the very industries his agency overseas. >> Wow. I mean, Boeing just can't help

>> Wow. I mean, Boeing just can't help

>> Wow. I mean, Boeing just can't help being part of a disaster.

being part of a disaster.

being part of a disaster. Look, if you're furious about a cabinet

Look, if you're furious about a cabinet

Look, if you're furious about a cabinet member being paid by companies he

member being paid by companies he

member being paid by companies he regulates to take a road trip in the

regulates to take a road trip in the

regulates to take a road trip in the middle of a gas crisis caused by his

middle of a gas crisis caused by his

middle of a gas crisis caused by his administration, if that really makes you

administration, if that really makes you

administration, if that really makes you want to scream,

want to scream,

want to scream, please don't because the president is

please don't because the president is

please don't because the president is blinking right now.

For more on Secretary Duffy's travel

For more on Secretary Duffy's travel

For more on Secretary Duffy's travel show and its conflicts of interest,

show and its conflicts of interest,

show and its conflicts of interest, let's go live to Desi Leid.

>> Desi Desi, this has got to be a new low

>> Desi Desi, this has got to be a new low

>> Desi Desi, this has got to be a new low for Shawn Duffy.

for Shawn Duffy.

for Shawn Duffy. >> I couldn't disagree more, Jordan. In

>> I couldn't disagree more, Jordan. In

>> I couldn't disagree more, Jordan. In fact, he's inspired me to take my own

fact, he's inspired me to take my own

fact, he's inspired me to take my own road trip across America. There's

road trip across America. There's

road trip across America. There's nothing more American than hitting the

nothing more American than hitting the

nothing more American than hitting the open road with your family, driving into

open road with your family, driving into

open road with your family, driving into a Fanta colored sunset. What a fantastic

a Fanta colored sunset. What a fantastic

a Fanta colored sunset. What a fantastic memory. Fanta's up, everyone.

memory. Fanta's up, everyone.

memory. Fanta's up, everyone. >> Does Did you get Fanta soda to sponsor

>> Does Did you get Fanta soda to sponsor

>> Does Did you get Fanta soda to sponsor your road trip?

your road trip?

your road trip? >> Well, how the else am I supposed to pay

>> Well, how the else am I supposed to pay

>> Well, how the else am I supposed to pay for this? Gas prices are through the

for this? Gas prices are through the

for this? Gas prices are through the roof. And if there's something that went

roof. And if there's something that went

roof. And if there's something that went through your roof, McCclusky's roof and

through your roof, McCclusky's roof and

through your roof, McCclusky's roof and chimney service will assess your home on

chimney service will assess your home on

chimney service will assess your home on site and give you an estimate same day.

site and give you an estimate same day.

site and give you an estimate same day. They're shingle and ready to mingle.

They're shingle and ready to mingle.

They're shingle and ready to mingle. >> Desi. Desi, you can't read sponsored

>> Desi. Desi, you can't read sponsored

>> Desi. Desi, you can't read sponsored material on air.

material on air.

material on air. >> Hey guys, please don't shake the bottle.

>> Hey guys, please don't shake the bottle.

>> Hey guys, please don't shake the bottle. Okay, I SAID DON'T SHAKE THE BOTTLE.

Okay, I SAID DON'T SHAKE THE BOTTLE.

Okay, I SAID DON'T SHAKE THE BOTTLE. >> I'M SORRY, JORDAN. What did you say

>> I'M SORRY, JORDAN. What did you say

>> I'M SORRY, JORDAN. What did you say about your roof and chimney needs?

about your roof and chimney needs?

about your roof and chimney needs? >> I didn't say anything about my roof and

>> I didn't say anything about my roof and

>> I didn't say anything about my roof and chimney needs. I said you can't stay

chimney needs. I said you can't stay

chimney needs. I said you can't stay objective as a reporter if you're taking

objective as a reporter if you're taking

objective as a reporter if you're taking money from companies.

money from companies.

money from companies. >> Sure, I can because I only partner with

>> Sure, I can because I only partner with

>> Sure, I can because I only partner with businesses that I already know and

businesses that I already know and

businesses that I already know and trust, like Takahashi Kev Heavy

trust, like Takahashi Kev Heavy

trust, like Takahashi Kev Heavy Industries, the world leader in shipping

Industries, the world leader in shipping

Industries, the world leader in shipping container chemical lining.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. >> There there's no way that you are a

>> There there's no way that you are a

>> There there's no way that you are a customer of Takahashi Heavy Industries.

customer of Takahashi Heavy Industries.

customer of Takahashi Heavy Industries. >> Well, I sure hope to be someday. They're

>> Well, I sure hope to be someday. They're

>> Well, I sure hope to be someday. They're just that good. HEY. HEY. WHAT DID I SAY

just that good. HEY. HEY. WHAT DID I SAY

just that good. HEY. HEY. WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT SHAKING THE GODDAMN BOTTLES? IF

ABOUT SHAKING THE GODDAMN BOTTLES? IF

ABOUT SHAKING THE GODDAMN BOTTLES? IF THAT SPILLS ON THE TAKAHASHI CHEMICAL

THAT SPILLS ON THE TAKAHASHI CHEMICAL

THAT SPILLS ON THE TAKAHASHI CHEMICAL LINING, IT'S YOUR LUNGS, not mine.

LINING, IT'S YOUR LUNGS, not mine.

LINING, IT'S YOUR LUNGS, not mine. >> I'm sorry, Jordan. What were you asking

>> I'm sorry, Jordan. What were you asking

>> I'm sorry, Jordan. What were you asking about your chemical lining needs?

about your chemical lining needs?

about your chemical lining needs? >> No, Desi. I'm not I can't let you

>> No, Desi. I'm not I can't let you

>> No, Desi. I'm not I can't let you promote chemical industries during our

promote chemical industries during our

promote chemical industries during our segment.

segment.

segment. >> Well, welcome to America in 2026. If you

>> Well, welcome to America in 2026. If you

>> Well, welcome to America in 2026. If you can think of a better way to take a

can think of a better way to take a

can think of a better way to take a family vacation than by partnering with

family vacation than by partnering with

family vacation than by partnering with a global conglomerate to dump expired

a global conglomerate to dump expired

a global conglomerate to dump expired chemicals into the Grand Canyon with the

chemicals into the Grand Canyon with the

chemicals into the Grand Canyon with the help of 11 children, then I am alling

help of 11 children, then I am alling

help of 11 children, then I am alling years.

>> You you have 11 children?

>> You you have 11 children?

>> You you have 11 children? >> They're not my kids. I partnered with a

>> They're not my kids. I partnered with a

>> They're not my kids. I partnered with a Latvian orphanage,

Latvian orphanage,

Latvian orphanage, but that check hasn't cleared, so I'm

but that check hasn't cleared, so I'm

but that check hasn't cleared, so I'm not saying its name on camera. Call me

not saying its name on camera. Call me

not saying its name on camera. Call me back, Pavle.

back, Pavle.

back, Pavle. >> Okay, Desi, I don't agree. I don't agree

>> Okay, Desi, I don't agree. I don't agree

>> Okay, Desi, I don't agree. I don't agree with any of this.

with any of this.

with any of this. >> Well, excuse me, Jordan, but living in

>> Well, excuse me, Jordan, but living in

>> Well, excuse me, Jordan, but living in America just isn't sustainable anymore.

America just isn't sustainable anymore.

America just isn't sustainable anymore. No one can afford to have kids.

No one can afford to have kids.

No one can afford to have kids. Meanwhile, our corrupt leaders are

Meanwhile, our corrupt leaders are

Meanwhile, our corrupt leaders are shamelessly enriching themselves. Shawn

shamelessly enriching themselves. Shawn

shamelessly enriching themselves. Shawn Duffy's getting his, so why can't I get

Duffy's getting his, so why can't I get

Duffy's getting his, so why can't I get mine while the Ginton's good? Speaking

mine while the Ginton's good? Speaking

mine while the Ginton's good? Speaking of good, good chew granola bars,

of good, good chew granola bars,

of good, good chew granola bars, familyowned and made with love since

familyowned and made with love since

familyowned and made with love since 1976. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. You know

1976. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. You know

1976. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. You know what? Fine. Fine.

what? Fine. Fine.

what? Fine. Fine. Fine.

Fine.

Fine. All right. You know what? Maybe this

All right. You know what? Maybe this

All right. You know what? Maybe this trip isn't as bad an idea as I thought.

trip isn't as bad an idea as I thought.

trip isn't as bad an idea as I thought. I I I hope you have a great time.

I I I hope you have a great time.

I I I hope you have a great time. >> Well, thank you. We are going to have a

>> Well, thank you. We are going to have a

>> Well, thank you. We are going to have a fantabulous time.

>> I told you not to shake the soda.

>> I told you not to shake the soda.

>> I told you not to shake the soda. >> TEDDY LOCK. EVERYONE.