All language subtitles for DMV.2025.S01E20.1080p.PSA

As you all know,
the state hired us

to help decide which
of the four Hollywood DMVs

is going to be impacted.

So, for the past seven months,
we have been in and out

of each branch,
observing day-to-day operations.

I don't remember them
being here.

I don't remember throwing
my life away

in a series of dead-end jobs,
but yet, here we are.

We have watched
how you handle pressure...

How's this for distribution?!

Throw something heavier!

Try the printer!

Worked together as a team...

Say, "Merry everything!"

Go, go, go.

- Stop touching me.
- Three, two, one.

- Oh, we missed it!
- And navigated

daily hardships.

I hate this chair.

Come on, stop fooling around.

And after extensive analyzing,

interviewing and assessing...

The verdict is in.

Our conclusion is...

- Drumroll.
- Here we go.

- Here we go, here we go.
- Nails, nails, nails.

People do not typically enjoy
coming to the DMV.

We will be back in two days

to make
our closure recommendation.

Uh, excuse me. How much
did this little analysis

cost the beautiful state
of California?

31 million big smackers.

Perfect. No notes.

- Yep. Yep. Yes.
- Oh. Okay.

Yep. Yep. Whoa.

So, how'd I do?

Did I finally pass my road test?

Noa, Noa, Noa, um...
let's talk inside.

Surprise!

- Wait, did I pass?
- You passed.

- Wow.
- All right, Kiwi,

as a reward,
we're gonna smash glutes

- and hammies tomorrow.
- Sure. Okay.

Thank you.

- "Congarts."
- Typo.

Got it on a discount.

Well, thank you for the party,
Colette.

Well, actually, it was my idea.

Tanya's hosting mah-jongg
at our house tonight,

so this gave me a reason
to not go home.

- Oh.
- Well, we got drinks.

We got karaoke.

Jilloyce was, uh,
lobbying for trivia,

but don't worry, I shot it down.

You should invite, uh, Mary
if you want to.

Hey, we broke up
a couple of weeks ago.

Oh. Oh, oh, oh.

The Barb is open!

Yes, the Barb!

- Welcome to th...
- The Barb.

I see and smell that you have
your walking boot off.

We've got a license to party.

I thought you would be
more nervous.

In two days, we might find out

if they're closing down
this den of agony.

Remember how we got a Honk Out
in DMV magazine 10 and 2?

Yes, I do, because you put
an inflatable tube man out front

with a sign that says,
"We got a Honk Out in

the DMV magazine10 and 2."

Well, after that
morning meeting,

director of the DMV
Ray Henderson himself

called to congratulate us.

Wow. What kind of Scotch
do you have?

- Uh, sure, I'll play the message.
- That's not what I...

Barb Berry, Ray Henderson here.

Congratulations on the Honk Out.
Well done.

Drive safe.

"Drive safe."

The man knows how to finish.

- I guess.
- All right.

What am I gonna say
when I call him back?

I would say this.

You're not saying anything.

I'll say it again.

You're not...
Oh, come on, Gregg.

♪ There's nothing to prove
and I'm dancing with myself ♪

♪ Oh, oh, uh-oh ♪

♪ If I looked
all over the world ♪

♪ And there's
every type of girl ♪

♪ Well, their empty eyes
seem to pass me by ♪

♪ And I'm dancing with myself ♪

♪ So let's sink another drink ♪

♪ 'Cause it'll give me
time to think ♪

♪ If I had my chance,
I'd ask the world to dance ♪

♪ And I'll be dancing
with myself ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh. ♪

Oh, no, no. Technical issue.

Well, if we cannot sing,
we will drink.

- To the Barb.
- To the Barb.

Hey. I iso'd the tech ish.

We got a mic out.

Yeah,
I was a roadie for a summer.

Yeah, I untangled
all the extension cords.

Pretty much
the head honch of power.

You should probably add that
to your résumé

in case this place closes down.

Nah, I don't need one of those.

Jobs tend to find me.

The unemployment rate is at
an all-time high right now.

When's the last time
you even applied to get a job?

Eight years ago,

when I came here for my license
and never left.

Well, unless you play the drums
on TikTok, it's tough out there.

How many lice
do you reckon are in this?

- All of them.
- Ah, yum.

Oh.

It's an ambush.

You just ambushed me.

I'm sorry, cowboy.

Hey, bro, little help?

- Yeah.
- I'm working on my re-zoom.

- Résumé?
- How do you spell "experience"?

Uh, lose the "y."

- Ah.
- Gregg.

Which one?

Gregg. Remember when
you suggested

that I not call
Ray Henderson back?

- What if I told you that I did?
- Oh, no. What did you say?

That's where
it gets interesting.

- I don't know what I said.
- Barb.

How much you have to drank?

One Barb-garita, and I made
sure not to eat all day

so it wouldn't mix with
my antibiotics that I'm taking.

How long was the phone call?

Well, my phone says
only 47 seconds, so...

Hold on.

For context,
that was only two seconds.

Why do you keep teaching me
lessons with silence?

"Experience" means sexual,
right?

Correct.

All right.

- Hi.
- Hey.

- Uh-uh.
- Hey.

You two kissed.

What? How'd you know that?

Because, Colette,
I am a gifted reader of people.

Plus, the photo
of you two kissing

- showed up on my computer.
- Oh, yeah.

- So, how was it?
- Good.

Good, good, good.

- So, bad.
- Hmm?

Bad, bad, bad.

It wasn't bad.
It wasn't terrible.

It wasn't the worst kiss
I've ever had.

Better or worse than that time

you had to give mouth-to-mouth
to Jilloyce?

Um...

Oh, my God,
you have to think about it?

It's-it's not
that big of a deal.

Uh, it's the only deal, Colette.

You obviously didn't feel
anything in your downstairs.

And if it didn't hit,
you must a-quit... him.

You need to listen
to your body, Colette.

- I know.
- And it's saying, "Colette,

"you know, we thought
we liked Noa,

- but we actually don't."
- Who's "we"?

It's also saying,
"Please stop dressing me like

- an American Girl doll."
- But I do like him.

One not-so-amazing kiss
doesn't change that.

Ah, it should.
Your downstairs never lies.

And if your downstairs is
fighting with your upstairs,

do you want to know
who wins that fight?

- Apple.
- Hey.

- Um, hey, Colette.
- Hmm?

You and me, dinner tonight?

Yes, please.

Okay. Sweet.

No one wins.

Nobody wins that fight.

- I'm gonna win.
- Mm. Mm, mm.

I can't believe I drunk-dialed
Ray Henderson.

- What?
- Good God, Barb.

I can hear you moaning
from the waiting room.

All my hard work
to save the branch,

a complete waste of time because
of one stupid phone call!

Oh, Barb, your hard work
has always been

a complete waste of time.

You're just saying that.

Look, they are gonna choose
what branch to close

based on something
you will never see coming.

Text from Ray Henderson.

"Got your message.

Not happy."

Ray Henderson's not happy.

"What do I need to do
to make all this go away?"

What? I don't even know
what I said.

I'll send him an emoji
that's like, "Hmm."

- No, no.
- Okay, fine. I'll send him

an emoji that's like...

No, Barb. He must have done
something bad, and...

whatever you said
in that phone call

makes him think that you know.

- I don't know.
- Doesn't matter.

At the DMV, the less you know,
the more power you have.

I think we may have stumbled
onto some leverage here.

Greggory, are you suggesting
that we blackmail Ray Henderson,

director of the California DMV?

- Mm-mm-mm.
- I would never.

For what?

As a bargaining chip

for the survival of our branch.

I ought to send you
one of these emojis.

I know why the kiss wasn't good.

'Cause you and Noa
have less chemistry

than the sexless crash test
dummies in the supply closet?

No, because we were here.

I mean, is there anything
less sexy than the DMV?

Mm. This.

Yes, look. I
mean, the lighting was bad,

the music was bad,
and it smelled like the DMV.

Fix all of that,
and my downstairs is on fuego.

I'm gonna call you
at the end of the night,

tell you all about it.

Ooh, ooh, ooh.
Or wait till morning

and don't tell me
anything about it.

Okay.

Hey, you look like
a boring adult.

I'm workshopping my re-zoom.

What sounds more impressive?

Analyst or consultant?

It's for when I was a bouncer
at Big Tatas Gentlemen's Club...

and Buffet.

Beatboxing. Yay or nay?

I took a class on it,
so slap it under educaish?

Freakin' fresh. R-R-Rewind.

If there was a little
exaggeraish on my re-zoom,

would there be any way
a Fortune 500 company

could fact-check that?

Like if I said I was
the president of Advil?

You're right. Vice president...

of pills.

Okay, Ray should be calling
any second.

Are you sure this is
the right thing to do?

Yes. We've been given a gift,
and we're gonna use it.

I wonder what he did
that was so bad.

Did he, like,
sleep with a subordinate,

or... oh! maybe he
exposed himself on Zoom.

Hot tip:
Even if your camera's off,

a Zoom mic can pick up a toot
from ten feet away.

I am so glad you're my boss.

Sir, may I say,
I respect you greatly.

Don't play games with me.

I've got your message
right here.

Ray Henderson, what's up?

It's Barb Berry from East Ho.

I can't believe what you did.

I'm gonna tell everybody, and
I'm never gonna forget it.

What were you talking about?

Him calling to congratulate us
on our Honk Out in 10 and 2.

Before you ask for
the moon, here's where I'm at:

I'm willing to make sure
your branch stays open.

- Yes!
- And in exchange,

you tell nobody
that I've been dipping into

the employee pension fund.

That tracks.

A political appointee
turns out to be corrupt.

Gasp.

Take a second to think about it.

Do I take the deal
and save our branch?

Or side with the man
that's screwing over

thousands of DMV employees

who put up with disrespect,
low wages,

broken office chairs,

all for the promise
of a stable retirement?

- Still there?
- I know what you'd do,

Beau Young.

You'd take the deal.

So, do we have a deal?

No deal!

Hello, Barb,

- you still there?
- Oh.

Do it again.

- No deal.
- You're making a big...

Sounded better the first time.

- Should I call him back?
- No.

- Just gonna put some music on.
- Yeah.

Do
You have trouble setting boundaries?

- Oh.
- In this chapter, we will...

Someone with adult-onset
codependency issues

must have snuck in here.

- Yeah.
- Hmm.

This is... this is nice.

Yeah.

Oh, y-you went forehead.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Do you feel safe?

Ew. I mean, oh, what?

Because you are.

You are... you're safe.

- Yes.
- Boop.

Yeah.

- Yes, let's just...
- Yeah.

Hmm?

- Don't.
- Shh.

Okay.

- Mm-hmm. Mm.
- Okay.

Hello, you.

Oh. I can't. I-I can't do this.

That's a relief,
'cause I-I don't... Me, neither.

Oh. Why-why... why can't you?

It's a lot of pressure
to, like... to be your first,

- so I'm just... yeah.
- Hold on.

Do you think I'm a virgin?

- You... Aren't you?
- No.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh.

What made you think that?

I think I read it
on the bathroom wall originally,

but it just... it made sense,

given you've always been
so awkward around me.

And last night, after we kissed,
you just left so quickly.

'Cause the kiss sucked.

Oh.

- Oh.
- Chapter three.

- Oh, my God.
- From pleasing people

to pleasuring yourself.

That's...

- Just... Yeah.
- Yeah, I'll... Yeah.

How could you?

What's up with the big cheese?

She lost her hero and found out

that everything
she believed in is a lie.

Mm. Well, speaking of lies,
finished up my résumé.

And I learned
it's pronounced "résumé."

Why did you list your height,
wingspan and mile time on here?

Oh, that's a six-minute mile

with my neighbor's chunky kid
Yoda-ing on my back.

Hmm. What about putting
your last name

or the year you graduated

or a way for them
to contact you?

If they want me bad enough,
they'll know how to find me.

Plus, I didn't graduate
high school.

You didn't?

You were in high school
longer than anybody.

What, you think
that matters I didn't graduate?

Only to employers.

So you're saying I can't lie
and I need education?

This is not
the America I voted for.

Noa thought I was a virgin.

I could see that.

The whole night was awful.

I cannot believe I wasted

all this time and energy on him,
and now what?

That's it. There's just...

There is nothing there.

It's kind of like
how Barb invested

so much into saving this branch,

and now it just...
it could all be gone.

That's right, I forgot.
I might be out of a job, too.

- It's just one guy.
- No, it's not.

It's everything.

When I took this job
six years ago,

it was supposed to be temporary,
and I'm still here.

I thought that Noa
might be the one for me,

and he's just not.

I just don't feel like
I'm making any progress.

That's not true.

Mira.

Okay.

Why?

Relax, okay?

- 'Cause then you become... her.
- Yeah.

Is this supposed
to make me feel better?

And now you are...

Oh, I lost those earrings.

Colette, you're not going around
in circles, okay?

You're... you're changing
without even noticing it.

Realizing what you don't want

is exactly how you figure out
what you do.

I mean, that's...
that's progress.

Um, over to the side...

Yeah.

Yeah, it is.

Thank you, Ceci.
You're a good friend.

I know, I know,
we're not "friends."

I mean, we're, like,
work friends.

The consultants are back.

Okay.

All right, folks.

We've already narrowed it down
from four to two.

It's going to be either you
or North Hollywood.

- Wait. What?
- What about South Hollywood?

SoHo. They blow-Ho.

Don't disagree,
but an employee there

is suing us
for workman's comp, so...

Can't shut down a branch
in the middle of a legal battle.

Red tape city.

Before we
head into final deliberations,

is there anything the manager
would like for us to note?

No. I-I got nothing.

Okay. Class dismissed.

Want to hit up The Grove,
see if we can spot Mario Lopez?

Again.

You-you got nothing?

That's it, Barb?

I'm sorry, guys. I blew it.

If I hadn't shut down
Gregg's chair lawsuit,

we'd be safe.

I'm a freaking idiot.

You're not an idiot, Barb.

And you didn't shut it down.
I did.

- Wh-What?
- I withdrew the lawsuit.

They were gonna give me
a bunch of money,

but they wanted to fire you.

So I told them to shove it.

You-you did that for me?

Nobody loves this job like you.

Yeah. Come on.

Now it's time to do your job.

- Which means looking after us.
- Mm-hmm.

I'm not qualified
for anything else.

Big Tatas closed because of
a health code violation.

I need the DMV, Barb.

Those consultants,
they're right out there.

- It's not too late.
- Yeah, come on, boss.

Sometimes it's good to let
a thing go, but not this, Barb.

You're Barb.

You're Barb of
the East Hollywood DMV.

- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.

No, no.

We're all...

Barb of the East Hollywood DMV.

Fetch my vest.

Is this heaven?

Sure looks like it.

I'm so sorry. I didn't see you

till you went flying
off my hood.

I was caught up staring
at that awesome blowy guy.

He was all doing this.

Wait. Wait.

Barb, you have to go
to the hospital.

I got something to say.

Turn me to the weasel
and the pretty one.

No, the other ones.

Listen up.

North Hollywood might be faster

and more polished,
but what we got is more heart.

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, we're a motley crew.

We got a grump,
high school dropout,

rich kid, princess,

and a virgin, but we're family.

- I'm not a virgin.
- And families stick together.

Upon careful reconsideration,

I think North Hollywood is going
to be the impacted branch.

Your branch is safe.

Oh, my God.

- Yes.
- Oh, my God.

We're safe.

My speech, it won you over?

Yes, along with
the understanding

that you are not
going to press charges

against my superior
for reckless driving.

Deal.

It's okay, Barb.

They'll sew a toe onto it.

Trust me, good as new.

My cousin's a mortician.

If you'll excuse us,
uh, we have some bad news

for Beau Young
over at North Hollywood.

- Yeah, you do.
- Yeah.

Give him our best.

Should I meet you
at the hospital?

Absolutely not.

Not till after your shift,
little lady.

Don't worry, Barb, I will

hold this place down
while you're gone, okay?

Do you want my vest?

No.

'Cause there's blood
smeared all over it?

It's because it's a vest.

All right, people, let's go.

You heard the boss.

- We got a DMV to run.
- Okay.

God. I hate this place.

Hey. It's the only place
that'll hire me.

Hey, you know,
I can help you get your GED.

I thought
you were done teaching.

I think I got room
for one more student.

Who, me?

Hey.

- Hi.
- Hi.

I just want to say I'm...
I'm so sorry about last night.

Like, like, booping you
on the nose

and just thinking
you were a virgin.

I'm-I'm sorry.

- All good. Yeah.
- Okay.

- All right.
- Yeah.

- Okay.
- Sweet.

All right.

Mm.

Just had to be sure.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Definitely not a virgin.

- Progress.
- Mm-hmm.

Mm.

Well, you did it, Barbie,
and you look damn good.

Feel great, too.

See you never, Ray.

Already have a successor, I see.

Oh, no.

Beau Young.

Mother Nature!

God!