Original subtitles

Authorities are reminding people not to attempt the obstacle course

unless they are physically healthy and well-insured.

Looks like we just hit the 18-hour mark of continuous live streaming coverage.

Hey, let's head down to Rico Java

for a quick, 20-minute power update.

Rico: Thanks, Janet.

As you can see, I am here with the entire cast of "Spectrum"!

Wray Nerely, what can you tell us

about this big announcement that's happening tomorrow?

Oh, no, I can't say anything. We're sworn to secrecy.

Aw!

I'll tell you everything for $70,000.

$70,000, see, with my neck--

65!

$65,000, Wray, feel!

No, stop, gross.

"Spectrum," the movie.

Who do I make this out to?

Uh, Girth. Girth Hemsworth.

- Girth. - Rico: Oh, my God.

I am standing next to the recently-discovered lost Hemsworth,

Girth Hemsworth!

All right, okay, yeah, you got me.

I was thinking I would just sneak through the crowd

and get a little name scribble from one of my all-time favorite actors,

but oh, you caught me!

Favorite actors, who are you looking for?

Wray friggin' Nerely, obviously.

- Really? - Yeah?

Yeah, you better believe it, mate!

"Spectrum" was one of my favorite shows growing up.

'Course, in Australia, it's called "Spacey Plane Shoot 'Em Up."

Growing up? I thought that you grew up "lost"?

That's right.

I was separated from my family at a young age

during the great wogga wogga kinder stampede in 1995.

I was forced to raise myself on the harsh Australian outback plains.

- Oh, my God, wow. - Such a cool accent.

Girth: Spent the days wrestling crocs

and working on my flawless American accent.

- Oh, my God, wow. - That's a really good accent.

It's like I'm there.

I survived by hunting, killing and eating

wild butterflies, which I don't have to tell you,

in Australia, are wicked poisonous.

- What isn't? - Butterflies, they're scary.

Thanks, Girth. That's a great story.

Sounds like you really pulled yourself up by your bootstraps.

Ha! That is a silly phraseamaloo.

Don't ya think?

Ah, yeah. Well, next!

Listen up. Is this man, Wray Nerely,

not the greatest gift to sci-fi since young Billy Shatner

hit the scene all those years ago, eh?

Right, could you imagine Wray Nerely

in any other thing, like a cop uniform,

or some kind of fancy suit like this gentleman here,

or, I don't know, some kind of doctor's scrubs?

No way, right, guys? Not a chance.

Sci-fi all the way for this one.

You're never getting "Doctor Cop Lawyer," you cut.

"Cut." Did you say "cut"?

No.

To the king of sci-fi! Let's hear it, eh?

Let's hear it!

I should have called you queen of the cuts.

Sorry, are you--

Are you saying "cut" or cunt?

Wray Nerely, that kind of language will not fly here.

There's kids present.

Wait a second. I gotta go,

but catch you guys later.

Come on, we'll go and get wasted.

He winked at me.

No, he-- he winked at me.

Girth: See ya, Wray! Ha, ha, ha!

- Whoo! - Bobbie: Oh, my God.

One stinking fan?

- Wray: Bobbie! - Okay, I'm sorry.

I don't know if you really stink.

All right, uh, five minutes till photos.

How do you know Girth?

Wait, wait a minute. Was Girth here?

Yeah, he was-- that's where all the fans went.

Okay. Okay, look, we're gonna have to tag team this.

All right, I will keep Girth away,

but you will have to seduce Finley Farrow.

No, I don't have to seduce--

Ah! Turtles is here! Black turtles.

Do they see me, Wray?

That's-- Brenda! Eat something!

Dress up like Girth. That'll impress her.

- No. - Wray, just be yourself.

- No. - Slice his Achilles tendon.

- No! - Kill Finley.

No!

And…

Wray, you don't have to yell.

Get out!

I think we're all here so we can help you bed a beautiful woman

so that you could get the role of your dreams.

I am not going to bed-- listen,

I don't need any help.

- Sounds like you need help. - And…

Hemsworth makes me sick.

Goddamn foreigner taking American jobs.

You know what, Stutter, I don't want to talk about this right--

ever.

Reading you loud and clear.

I will not take him out.

And…

- Move on! - Listen, could you repeat after me,

"I will not kill him."

I will not "kill" him.

You can't with the air quotes, man!

Fine. I'll just fatally wound him.

Fatally… that means kill. That's killing.

And…

Get out.

Isn't this guy after the girl that you're crushing on?

I'm not crushing on any-- listen.

I just need to talk to her about a little project I'm up for

called "Doctor Cop Lawyer."

I guess I could explore some less lethal options.

Yes, thank you, thank you.

And I also want to thank you for not dressing like a ficus.

I broke a boob strap on that thing.

And…

Bobbie: Move on!

Aah, black turtle! Keep away!

I don't have any money! Keep away!

Goddammit, Brenda!

And…

- Go! - Look, guys,

Remember Jack? Remember Jack, our friend?

He is really counting on us not to screw this up this weekend.

It's rude to talk about people as if they're not here, Wray.

You look slim, Jack. Like, cocaine slim.

Give me your stash. I'm worried about you.

Tiffany, no.

Bobbie: Get out! - You're my responsibility.

Which reminds me.

Can you take responsibility of Tiffany starting at… now?

- Why? - I have to get to my sculpture booth.

Big arms deal. Art deal. Going down.

Get in there!

And…

- Bobbie: Move! - No, Stutter, I--

Where's Stutter?

I'm a handful.

I just thought of something.

They're having an "Ambivalence" party at the V.V.I.P. room

So I'm gonna grab Girth and get him out of the way.

Then when you're alone with Finley, bam!

- Sex her! - No!

And…

I am not sexing her! You know what?

If you want to help me, please, take care of Tiffany--

I've been reconsidering my position.

- On? - Top to start?

And…

No, we cannot keep doing-- We gotta stop doing this.

Look, we got this whole "come here, go away" thing happening.

It's like a cycle we can't break out of.

You're right, it's like we only want each other if we can't have each other.

See? Revelation.

I'm-- I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, too.

Can we be friends?

Friends.

And…

Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. We gotta stop this.

No, we gotta stop.

No, keep it in, keep it in, keep it in, keep it in.

We gotta stop this.

You say "stop" but I hear "go."

Okay, this works.

I'm going to slip in to something a little more nakedy.

Okay.

- Uch. - Wray: Yes, yes!

You can come and find me in our room.

I'm gonna take the adjoining door off the hinges.

- Whoo. - And…

Get out.

Tiffany. Oh, goddammit!

Did you--- Over there?

Excuse me. So sorry to bother you,

but I was wondering if you could take some close-ups.

See, I have to alter some arrest records, yeah, for a friend.

Hemsworth! Are you ready to be a man?

That's just heaps offensive.

- She did it. - You guys are working together

to put me out of this "Doctor Cop Lawyer", aren't you?

I want to apologize, with-- hyah!

Look, honestly, I feel that's kind of disappointing.

Have you punched people before?

Wray Nerely just challenged Girth Hemsworth

to the Course of Death!

This is amazing!

Don't you think this is getting a little dangerous?

"Spectrum"?

Thank you.