Original subtitles

Meanwhile on Con Man

There is a doll convention? I'm in the wrong hotel.

-No, I'm in the right hotel. -You're here for the sci-fi convention?

The gay thing, it's an act to bring in the ladies. Look at that.

-From Serenity, it was a great TV Show. -Well, Serenity was the movie.

-the television show was Firefly. -That's good stuff.

…Kake kokei kake kokei

Hello beautiful.

No, no, no, no. Look she's the only woman under 60 in the hotel

carrying around a baby doll.

No she's not a child, she's a woman.

Did you see Battlestar Galactica?

Yeah, the new one.

She looks just like that hot, hot Cylon.

No, the other one. The other one.

The other one, the other one, the other one, no that, no,

No, She was a Cylon? Oh, right. It got really confusing

in the later seasons.

Listen it doesn't matter, I just need to send her a bottle of

wine to apologize for insulting the memory of her dead baby.

Hello? Did you… Hello?

-No service, no service. -What?

Why aren't you ready?

We've got that meeting with that action figure guy.

-You have the key to my room? -I overpacked.

-You stored things in my closet? -I didn't know what costume I

was gonna wear for the contest. so I brought back up.

-Oh! Good here it is. -Oh Jesus. -Hold this.

What the hell is this? You have an alien in my closet?

Yeah well. I'm sure there's other things in there too we don't know about.

What do you even need a costume now for?

What? It's just Bobbie looking like Bobbie.

I'd say you're Bobbie looking like Luis Guzmén.

Oh, I see, you're upset, because I have two

-suitors, and you have none. -Alright Sean Maher is gay,

Leslie Jordan is, he's gay, I mean,

he might be bi-curious, bi, unlikely,

Wray, sexuality is a fluid thing.

A viscous translucent fluid

whose smell is largely dictated by its diet.

I'm so glad I haven't eaten.

Wray, it's Leslie.

Hey.

I need to talk to you about your manager.

-Me? -Well look at you.

Look at us

Hey, what is your political persuasion?

I'm just wondering.

Well, I am totally liberal.

My mind is so open that I'm afraid shit's gonna

fall out of it when I bend over. And I love the gays.

-Oh, I don't love the gays. -Oh you don't?

-I, they make me very angry. -Yea.

Where do you guys get off? Besides on each other's backs?

Well, I, a gay stand in front of you mocking,

your impotent authority. Yet, I am strangely attracted.

What am I saying? Just meet me

in the hotel bar

six o'clock.

So I could just understand it all.

Oh boy, yes. My

levee is just about to burst.

Your levee gonna burst!

-Like Katrina, oh that's awful. -That's alright. I like that.

You're awful. You're awful! Oh, God. Damn!

Goodbye. I could hear everything you were saying.

Everything.

…Levee's about to break…

Leslie…

-Hey Wray. -Hey, Sean.

-Hi, I need to talk to you to you about your manager. -Who me?

-Hello. How are you? -Just hanging.

Congratulations again on your win last night.

Did I mention how courageous I think you are?

You can say it again.

I mean it's scary, to be extraordinary.

Most people try and hide that part of themselves.

But you, you embrace your true self

in the face of enormous opposition.

You are…

Horny.

Courageous.

These are amazing.

Are they, are they new?

Used.

You bought pre-owned tits?

Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. I see the real you.

The one inside. I mean the one outside is great

too, I see a beautiful woman

cute little moustache

and ample used boobs, but it is the person inside, that I

-have to see tonight. -Hm, how about seven?

Meet me at the hotel bar.

Alright

Goodbye.

Right, you're gonna have to meet with that action

figure guy on your own. I've gotta shave.

Hey! Do not use my razor.

Does this razor work on armpits?

No.

Do you have another razor?

-Ron Slackskin. -Here he is! In person.

It's really weird because this looks exactly like you.

Well, it's great, can I see it?

Yeah, oh yeah yeah oh yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah,

but first, this is a true action figure.

Okay.

It has an action arm.

So you push a button on its back and it slams its hand down.

-I'll see you in Hell! -It says that?

No I just say that, when it does it.

-I'll see you in Hell! -Okay.

I'll see you in Hell!

-You keep saying it. -I'll see you in Hell!

Stop saying it.

-Oh, sorry. -Can I see it?

Yeah.

People kept asking me why I made this figure

and bring up your coloring.

The worst selling G.I. Joe figure in history

-Ginger Joe. -Code name Sun Stroke.

Yeah, came with a little like floppy hat

and a mole checking kit.

Yes, I owned one, it also came with a gun, and some sun screen.

Well the doll that I made you,

is awesome. Manly.

Thank you. I can't wait to see it.

-Well I'm nervous for you to see it. Oh, no, no. -Okay.

You don't like it.

-This is amazing. Are you kidding me? Ron, -Really?

-you are an artist! -Oh come on. -Oh my God!

Oh my God, it looks just like…

He comes with a gun and a knife, and his arm

Hey!

I will see you in Hell!

Yeah! There you go.

-Now look, that one is yours. -Unbelievable.

You get 100 bucks for every one you sign.

I made 1000, and we've had insane pre-sales.

Holy shit, that's amazing!

So, I'll see you at my booth, you start signing in 20 minutes.

Okay, I will see you there.

-Or in Hell! -That's good.

Wow. Well hello there Mr. Handsome.

Thank you very much.

Nice to meet you, My name's Wray.

My name is Wray. Wray Wray.

Your name is Wray Wray?

Yes that is my name, I am gonna kiss you in the face.

Wow, where are you from? You have an accent.

-Yes, I was born in Japan. -That's not a Japanese accent.

You want a cookie?

You want something eat, are you hungry? You've been in your box,

I don't want this it's nasty to me, this

is store-bought bullshit cookie,

I want something from the set of a big

budget movie. We'll get it there.

You are number one actor.

Argh -You will have everything in life.

-You will have money. -Yeah? -Yes.

-Better cookies. -Yes.

And women. Women women women, all the time.

-I like, I like women. -Yes.

-Is that an action figure of you? -Yeah.

That's hot.

Wray Wray.

Ladies and Gentlemen step right up

to see the oddity, to see the freak of nature, Mr. Wray

Nerely. Come get your signed autograph action figure of

Cash.

Hi everybody

I will see you in Hell!

I think Ron here has really outdone himself.

Thank you Ron. Look at that face. I've named mine Wray Wray.

Yeah, Wray Wray, you wanna say anything to everybody?

Uh, I'm shy.

Yes, protect me from too many people.

They're strange in groups.

Okay, who here wants to adopt one of their own?

-We have three left. -What?

Well, all of these pre-sold online.

No, look, just sell them to the people who are here.

Yeah, but the people online already bought them

for a premium.

We have, wait, another sale, we have one left. Nope, sold out.

How about the one you're holding?

I'll pay a premium for him.

-No, no. no. This one is mine. -700 bucks?

700 bucks. 700, 700, 725, 725 it's gonna go

750, 750, oh, you down there, over there, that

wizard man, alright 800, 825,

-I'm jumpin' to 900, 900 to 925 -Stop, stop this Bobbie, stop.

This is not gonna happen. No, I'm not selling him.

$1000 for it.

He is not an it. And he's mine.

Out of my way. Louise! Louise! Excuse me. Louise!

Louise!

Alright, 1000 dollars to the man in green, thank you very much!

-Enjoy -Somebody bought that action figure already.

That one got lost in the mail.