Original subtitles

Honey, does that board need to sit right there?

I mean, nobody's coming to your meeting.

Besides, you don't even know how to spell committee.

Why must you be such a pessimist?

We don't even need a neighborhood watch committee.

Nothing ever happens on the street.

Hello there, neighbor.

I'm Lexi.

Welcome to the first neighborhood watch committee.

Hi, I'm Kieran. I moved in last week.

Sorry I'm late. That's okay.

I'm just glad somebody showed up.

Sure.

Gary. Gary. This is Kieran. Kieran, this is my husband, Gary.

Nice to meet you.

I told you this is a bad idea. We don't need a neighborhood watch committee.

Can I just have some dinner? I'm starving.

Don't mind him.

Sadly, it seems as though I'm the only one worried about this neighborhood's

safety.

You know, I used to be the head of the committee back where I used to live

before me and my wife split up.

Oh, that's fantastic.

Sorry to hear of your wife, but here, let's get started. Why don't you have a

seat next to my husband?

Fellow neighbors, thank you for coming to the first neighborhood... Honey, you

blocked the TV, honey. Not now, honey.

Where was I?

You know what, let's just move on to the scenario exercises.

Yeah, yeah, sounds good.

Great. So in this scenario, I'll pretend to be the burglar and you two pretend

to be the homeowners and see if you can hear me sneaking in. Okay?

Great. Okay, now turn off the TV and see if you can hear me sneaking in.

Really, Gary?

What? You know I'm a bad hearing.

Oh, you're selective hearing.

Karen, what would you do in this situation?

Well, I would exit the building safely.

I'd grab my cell phone or use a neighbor's phone and call the police.

Very good.

What a good answer.

Now, if your burglar tries to attack you, I have some self -defense

to show you.

But they're mostly geared towards women.

That's fine. I don't mind seeing them. Thanks.

Okay, for this scene, you be the burglar and I'll be the victim. Okay? Okay.

Now try to attack me.

Okay.

Now, if you were a real burglar, I'd be squeezing really hard.

Um, Gary, I'm going to finish some of these other scenarios upstairs with

Kieran.

Uh, great.

You'll need that.

See you later.

The next one is geared more for women again, but stuff like you might have a

fair share of stalkers.

Stalkers,

peeping poms, crazy ex -girlfriends, whatever.

Yeah, I guess.

So, why don't you go outside and then pretend to attack, and I'll show you

to do in this video.

Okay, now open the door silently and pretend that you're spying on me.

Oh no, an intruder!

Whatever shall I do?

Is this still an exercise?

Okay, listen.

Your husband's downstairs. I don't think this is such a good idea.

Don't worry about him.

What a lovely new neighbor I have.

Take it all the way.

All the way. Make it disappear.

Oh, fuck.

Yeah, I am. Just go watch your game and migrate some leftovers in the meantime.

Fine.

Okay, listen.

We need to... We cannot be doing this.

You're just being gorgeous.

It's fine. Trust me. Just...

Oh, fuck.

Oh, my God. Oh,

fuck.

Oh,

my God, look at that.

Yeah, I like that clap. I like that little beat.

Let me see those little puppy dog eyes looking at me.

Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Thank you.

Take it.

More.

Do it.

Turn around, sit on this.

Turn around, sit on this. Turn around, let me see this beautiful ass.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

That's the shit.

That's the bad.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Kill, kill, kill

What you watching?