Original subtitles

SHELBY: Previously on Best Friends Whenever...

I'm so excited that my best friend is living with me forever.

My whole family loves you.

Your brothers definitely love me.

I'm giving her flowers, Chet.

No, I'm giving her flowers, Bret.

Barry, open up.

Smell this. Ugh!

Why did I do that?

That's what I'm trying to figure out.

Check out our new chest hair machine!

BARRY: It's not a chest hair machine, Renaldo.

(BOTH SCREAMING)

I was worried maybe that laser did something to us.

It could have sent you to another dimension or made you time travel.

Why are we in my bedroom?

Maybe that's it! We think about a time

while we're hugging or touching or something.

Did we just figure out time travel?

I think we did.

There is no possible way you two are time travelers.

But we're time travelers.

Explain that!

Granted. Physicists have postulated that it's possible,

but the probability that you are time travelers

is 5 times 10 to the negative 1 billion.

That's .00000... Stay with me...

...000...

There's a billion more to go.

...000... Let's prove it. Bump me.

Ooh, I like that we're calling it that now.

I will grant you,

physicists have postulated that it's possible...

ALL: But the probability that you are time travelers

is 5 times 10 to the negative 1 billion.

That's .00000...

Stay with us. ...000...

There's a billion more to go. ...000...

Either you're time travelers or you're now as smart as I am.

You're time travelers!

We had to relive that speech 15 times

before we could memorize it.

I wrote it on my hand.

Welcome to our time.

If I can figure out how it happened,

I'll be the greatest scientist since Einstein.

And he didn't develop his theory of relativity until he was 28.

I'm 15!

E equals MC in your face, Albert!

To be clear, I know E equals MC squared.

I altered the equation for the sake of the burn.

We're gonna have so much fun with time travel.

I was just gonna say that.

Well, let's go back so you can say it.

Nah, you nailed it.

Aw, let's go back to when you said I nailed it.

That was so sweet.

Guys! You need to be careful.

If people find out you have special powers,

they'll lock you up in a lab and experiment on you.

That's certainly what I would do if I had more space in the Winnebago.

Wait, do you think that's what was going on in the future lab we saw?

What future lab?

Just some crazy mystery lab

where me and Shelbs were strapped to these glowing tables.

Don't worry, we are never going there again.

Smack it!

We're in the crazy mystery lab again!

Why would someone do this to us?

We're gonna have to figure this out!

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

Someone's coming!

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

Why are you screaming?

We just went back there!

Why are you screaming?

We're out of chips!

Did somebody say "magic"?

Pretty sure nobody said "magic."

I am the Amazing Chet!

I am the Also Amazing Bret!

Prepare for three hours of illusions.

Skip to the end, Chet.

The dove in my pants is nesting in my tender parts.

? I know it sounds crazy

? But time doesn't faze me

? Ever since it lost its hold on me

? Hey, hey

? Hung out till midnight

? Missed the curfew, that's all right

? I'm back to bed and right on time, you'll see

? Whenever

? You need me

? I'm right there with you

? Whenever

? There's something

? You wanna redo

? The clock is ticking but not for me

? I'm living in a different reality

? Whenever

? Whatever

? Wherever

? I'm right there with you

? I'm right there with you

? Hey, hey ?

Hey, Shelbs. What're you workin' on?

Making something to give Diesel a little sazzle.

(WHIMPERING)

I don't know, Shelby, a tiara?

You're right, you're right. The tiara doesn't work

without the glasses.

And I made something for you, too.

See, this is why you're my girl.

You love making stuff, I love getting stuff.

It's Shelby and Cyd's Official Study Buddy Binder.

Just in time for our history test tomorrow.

That's a mosaic of us studying.

This looks like my actual hair.

Did you get this out of my brush?

Well I certainly didn't yank it out

of your head while you were sleeping

like a hair-plucking nutjob.

Now come on,

let's get studying, study buddy.

You know, you're taking a sweet thing like being buddies

and making it all dirty by slapping that "study" stank on it.

Come on, Cyd, we have to study so we can go to the same college,

marry best friends, have kids,

our kids can marry each other,

have kids and we can be grandmas together.

Is this all about us being grandmas together?

When has it not been?

But none of that happens

if we show up to Ms. Nesbit's test unprepared.

Time for the test.

We jumped forward to Ms. Nesbit's test.

And we're unprepared!

This test is so hard, even I don't know some of the answers.

Just kidding. I know the answers,

but you won't!

Whoa, Barry, what happened to your face?

I just told you before class.

Oh, that wasn't us. We just jumped here from yesterday.

Of course! You're time travelers.

You can go back and stop this from happening.

Sorry, Barry. We made a pact to never use time travel

to stop hilarious things from happening to you.

This is so messed up.

Whenever we think about the test, we jump there.

How can we study for a test

without thinking about the test?

You know, your grandma plan is based on us going to college together,

not a good college.

No, we have to go to a good college

so we can found Cyd and Shelby Incorporated.

What is Cyd and Shelby Incorporated?

An environmentally friendly, equal-opportunity employer

that facilitates intergenerational communication

and everyone sits on exercise balls.

I'm into any job where sick abs are in the mission statement.

Then come on, we have to study for Ms. Nesbit's class without touching each other.

Studying? I'm out.

Cyd... What?

Time for the test.

BOTH: Dang it!

We have to focus on not touching each other.

But we touch each other all the time.

Because we're best friends.

We are best friends.

BOTH: Aw!

Time for the test.

BOTH: Dang it!

We're here because we hugged each other.

That is a weird thing to say.

If you're watching this, it means I, Barry Eisenberg,

have unlocked the secrets of time travel.

And you're standing in the welcome center

of the Barry Eisenberg Time Travel Institute.

Please, sign the guest book and tell us,

when do you come from?

Hi, I'm Naldo.

If we can re-create time travel,

this will be one of the most important videos of all time.

Right up there with Armstrong on the moon,

or Carl Sagan's Pale Blue Dot,

or... The video of the guy

who finds a pickle under his hat and says,

"How'd that pickle get there?"

That's you. It is?

How'd that pickle get there?

I put it there.

Renaldo, Shelby and Cyd have achieved

the greatest scientific milestone of all time.

It is our duty as men of science, nay,

as members of the human race,

to unlock the secrets of their discovery.

So we can take credit for it.

When I say the word,

set the oscillator to 400 and blast me.

But Shelby and Cyd said they were hugging when the laser hit them.

I'm not sure I like what you're suggesting.

Bring it in, buddy. For science.

This is nice.

Just zap us already!

Do you think it worked?

Of course it didn't work.

Okay, but if we go outside and get eaten by a dinosaur,

I'm gonna be like, "I told you so! Ahhh!

"It hurts! Why did you bring me here?"

That's what I'm gonna be like.

Ugh, history.

Why are we studying stuff that's already happened?

We should be studying stuff that hasn't happened.

That's the stuff you need to know.

We're never gonna learn all this.

If only we knew what was gonna be on the test.

Oh, no. That's the face you made

just before we got thrown into mall jail.

(GRUNTS)

Time for the test.

Ha! Now we know what's gonna be on the test.

That doesn't make sense to any of you

but she knows what I'm talking about.

I can't believe we jumped forward in time

and stole a test from the future! That's like

cheating! Exactly!

It's like cheating. But it isn't.

The same way this library card

is like a credit card,

but all I can buy with it is books.

Cyd, cheating is wrong

and you have to give those books back.

Shelbs, using this test is not cheating.

If you have a photographic memory

and you use it to ace tests,

is it cheating?

No. Of course not!

Because a photographic memory

is an awesome power.

Well, time travel is our awesome power,

and with awesome power comes awesome...

Responsibility. -Shortcuts.

We are not cheating.

Shelby,

there's no way we're gonna do well on this test.

This is the only way we'll stay on track

for college and Cyd and Shelby Incorporated,

and everything in our Happily Ever After binder.

You read the Happily Ever After binder?

There's really a Happily Ever After binder?

I thought I was making that up.

Can we just do this test my way?

Please? For me?

I mean, it's not like we have the answers.

We have the questions.

Like a study guide.

Exactly! A study guide

is what I should have called it

when you asked, "Is this cheating?"

Well, I guess I didn't need to waste that time

making our study binder.

You didn't waste your time. Diesel loves that thing.

Now that he finally has glasses, I think he can read.

Again, nothing!

I wouldn't call the last 30 seconds nothing.

I can't believe Shelby and Cyd created time travel

by bumbling into my lab like a couple of isotopes.

Barry. Fine.

I'll put a quarter in the "science words that sound like swears" jar.

There's no reason to call the girls names.

I'm sure they didn't mean to discover time travel.

It was an accident.

That's it! Some of the greatest scientific discoveries

have been total accidents!

I've been going about this all wrong.

I don't need logic and reason,

I need chaos and idiocy.

Did somebody say "magic"?

Get ready for the teleportation trick.

I enter here...

But now I am here!

Were they amazed?

Way to go, Bret!

Now they know there's two of us!

Because you told them, Chet!

I'm gonna use my magic wand on you!

I'm gonna use my magic wand on you!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

This is it! Genius born of pure stupidity.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

BOTH: Whoa!

And now Chet and I will disappear!

Do I look okay?

No.

This test is so hard, even I don't know some of the answers.

Just kidding. I know the answers,

but you won't!

I want you to jump back and make sure this doesn't happen.

Who's to say we haven't tried a bunch of times

and it always ends up this way?

Have you? Who's to say?

I am so pumped you're doing this my way. Aren't you pumped?

Super pumped.

Are you sure you're pumped?

'Cause you're doing that scratchy thing you do

when you get worked up.

No, no, this is not one of my stress rashes.

This is just my skin being excited.

Woot-woot!

Time's up, flunkers!

Please put your pencils down

and get ready to disappoint your parents.

Shelby, are you sure you're okay?

'Cause that's looking a lot like you're stress-scratching.

(LAUGHING) No, no, no stress.

BOTH: Da-dang!

(HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING)

Sorry, it's just, you look like a monster.

That really looks like a full-blown stress rash.

Getting the test early is a bit of an adjustment for me,

but it's fine.

In fact, I think the rash is going away.

It doesn't even itch anymore.

Oh, look, there's Ted.

His name's not Ted.

Oh, he just has one of those Ted faces.

I'm just so glad you're feeling better,

'cause this is awesome.

We'll ace every test from now on.

You're gonna have to change your name from

from Shel-B to Shel-A!

(LAUGHING) You're so funny!

What are you doing?

Nothing, just friending around.

I was just... (BELCHES)

Did you just stress-belch?

No, no, of course not.

That was just a... (BELCHES)

Ugh! Were you burning hair in your mouth?

232 attempts

and subject is no closer to re-creating time travel.

Subject is considering switching area of study to

the humanities.

So there's not gonna be a time travel institute?

But I already got potatoes to make Naldo bobbleheads for the gift shop.

How could science have failed me?

I give up.

Maybe it's not even science. Maybe it's some kind of magic.

Did somebody say "magic"?

Oh, shuds! I did say "magic"!

The Great Chetdini

will now escape from the Chains of Doom!

Lock me up, The Great Bretdini.

(THUD)

I whacked my waist bone!

This is a really good trick.

Drag me off! Drag me off!

Thank you! Thank you!

I love Bretdini and Chetdini.

Why? They've never successfully performed a single magic trick.

But they keep trying.

Maybe they shouldn't.

Maybe I shouldn't.

What are you talking about?

When someone's not good at something,

they need to be honest with themselves.

Renaldo, the past two days have been a complete failure.

Science is the only thing I love.

What if I'm not good at it?

No one ever succeeded at anything by giving up.

I believe in you, Barry.

And, dude, it's only been two days.

It takes my dad three days to smoke a brisket.

So you're saying I could solve this tomorrow?

Not if you give up today.

Renaldo,

let's do this!

Aw, yeah! Come on, Barry, bobble with me. No.

Bobble. Bobble. Bobble. Bobble. No. No. No. No.

See? That could've been me.

Shelby, I'm starting to worry about you.

First the rash, then the belching, and now you're

stress-eating.

I'm not stress-eating.

This is just a little victory snack.

I mean, we did something huge

and we totally got away with it.

Hello, girls.

That was nasty.

I'm so sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted to give you your grades.

You both got As. How did you do it?

We tried studying.

I'm just gonna say, believe the hype,

it works.

No one else got As.

Not even the smart boy with the janky eyebrows.

But you two did.

You seem a little nervous there, Shelby.

Is there something you wanna tell me?

You are stress-eating! You can't go on like this.

Girl, you're eating napkins.

Tell Ms. Nesbit what's bothering you.

Maybe we should tell her.

Maybe it'll make you feel better.

I feel fine. (COUGHS)

Okay, we cheated!

Oh, ho, ho, ho!

That is the least of your worries now.

I am getting you both expelled!

But first, I gotta stop by the science lab

and get in the chem shower for 35 to 45 minutes.

Why did you do that? I was handling it.

You weren't handling it, you were falling apart.

Why did you let it go this far?

Well, because you asked me to.

I would do anything for you.

Shelby, we've been best friends since kindergarten

and I know you'd do anything for me,

and I think maybe I took advantage of that.

I'm sorry. We were in it together.

Like I said in mall jail, "It may have been your idea, but it took

"both of us to make those mannequins touch each other's butts."

Look, from now on, if either of us

feels uncomfortable with something,

we have to tell each other.

Deal.

Now let's go to the principal and take our punishment.

I am not comfortable with that.

Shelby, Cyd, you're just in time for the big news.

This morning, I received an anonymous call that someone

got a copy of the test.

But don't worry, I made a new test

and it's so hard that some of the history on it didn't even happen!

Thanks for tipping Nesbit off.

Kind of had to.

What we did wasn't like cheating,

it was cheating.

I knew it wasn't a study guide.

I can't believe you bought that.

I can't believe you sold it to me.

I'm just glad we can use time travel to fix our mistakes.

Besides, an A would look weird on my report card.

All those Cs would be like,

"Whatcha you doin' here, A?

"You think you're better than us?"

I want you to go back and keep this from happening.

Oh, we've been to this timeline before. We're prepared.

This doesn't help. Helps us.

You may begin now.

This test is impossible.

Hey, let's go back to when Ms. Nesbit decided

she wanted to be a teacher

and convince her to be anything else.

I am not uncomfortable with that.

Now this test I can handle.

Yeah, Ms. Johnson is so much nicer.

Louise Johnson, you are under arrest

for unpaid parking tickets.

Keep 'em where I can see 'em.

Officer Nesbit, does this test still count?

That's a weird thing to ask.

For my next trick,

I will need a volunteer from the audience.

Ooh! Me! Me!

You, sir.

We have never met before. Is that correct?

Never.

If you will.

That guy always gets picked for these tricks.

And now, levitation!

I bet Bobble Renaldo would've loved being here for this.

Who's to say he isn't?

BOTH: Magic!

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