Original subtitles

Stand by altitude indicator.

Check.

Stand by airspeed indicator.

Check.

Control tower to Sunquest. Do you copy?

I copy, Control.

You're going to have a baby when you hear this one, Sunquest.

Yeah? Boy or girl? Over.

Looks as though you're going to have some company. Washington is rerouting

Daddy Bird your way. Do you copy?

Holy shit.

Is this some kind of practical joke?

No joke, Sunquest.

Looks like you're going to be playing chauffeur for a joyride to Palm Springs.

Do you copy?

Roger. Over and out.

What is bullets?

What is given?

Doggo.

What is this given me with this one?

It's the same.

Okay. Remember, no mercy.

Impressor checks out.

Did I come in at a bad time?

You're not going to believe who just called.

The President of the United States.

How did you know?

I was kidding.

No, I mean, Air Force 69 just called me up. They want me to reroute the

president on the QT.

Why? Why you?

I don't know.

It must be some kind of top secret mission.

Yeah?

Well, you think we have time for a quickie?

What, are you crazy?

I never fool around about fooling around.

and we just have to wait.

Good idea.

You know, I haven't gotten laid since the Pacco strike.

Yeah? Well, your luck just ran out, propeller nut.

Landing.

Commitment. On execution.

I am indeed in prep, my dear Ilsa.

Except for one minor detail.

What's that, Holmes?

You weren't supposed to kill him.

I didn't like where he sprayed his nozzle.

This man was a professional pilot.

You couldn't prove it by me.

Well, since you have elected to kill the only pilot in our plan, our situation

has radically changed.

They call us radicals, don't they?

Yes, sir.

I trust that you will conduct yourself.

in a more discreet fashion from here on in.

We wouldn't want you getting out of control, now would we, Liebchen?

Air Force 69 will be landing at precisely 1145 hours.

We must execute plan B.

Jane Cutter here.

What? Tim?

Tim the mechanic?

Is this some sort of sick joke?

Oh, how awful.

I know, I know. Well, I'm just about to go on vacation, though.

All right, then.

Well, I'll keep in touch, and if there's any further developments, get back to

me, and...

I'll come and take you if you want.

Is that a deal?

Mr. President, this is Captain Slifkin speaking.

We'll be cruising at an altitude of 37 ,000 feet and we'll probably be

experiencing some turbulence.

Don't be alarmed, though.

I'll signal you when you and the First Lady may move about the cabin.

Oh, God, I hope it's soon. I mean, I gotta talk to a man about a racehorse.

I told you to take care of that before you left Pennsylvania Avenue.

Hey, how was I supposed to know that we'd be over Arizona before I could go

party?

Mr. President, how do you drink your coffee?

Why, like this.

Wonderful. All we need is another sexual harassment suit.

That Ilse's itchy trigger finger is getting us all into some trouble.

Now we must move to plan B.

I will pilot Air Force 69.

Gunther, you plan to detonate on Terminal D.

You two, you will create the diversion.

Yeah.

Plan B calls for the detonator in Terminal E to go off.

No, that was plan B.

Nine! Nine! Plan C called for Terminal A.

Nine dumb calls!

You weren't listening!

That is the emergency escape portion of Plan F!

Get into the van!

Hello, Mr. President. This is Captain Slifkin again. It looks like we'll be

holding a fairly steady course from here on out.

You and the First Lady are now free to debuckle.

God, it's about time.

Debuckle? Did he say debuckle?

Oh, get me out of here!

I've never even heard of debuckle.

Yeah, Williams.

Have you heard any further developments on the murder investigation?

Nothing turned up, huh?

All right, then. Well, I'm on my way to the airport, and we'll just proceed as

planned, then.

I see you have debacle.

Cream in your coffee?

Well, not recently.

You look like you can use a hand.

Whoa.

Where were you during those health care reforms?

I think I was in the doggy position.

I see why they call these the Friendly Skies.

Oh.

Yeah.

For Plan B.

I told you.

Not too crazy about this time bomb idea, either.

Yes, and I'm hungry.

Can't we stop for some schnitzel or something?

You wieners!

Terrorists! I suppose one of you needs to use the bathroom.

Okay, what terminal is that? Ma 'am, do you have any jingling items or keys?

Well, this is a fine time to be telling me all of this. Ma 'am, give me that.

No, we don't understand this, Mr. President.

I don't care, and yeah, right, like I'm Cindy Croft or something, but please

walk through again.

Step aside, please.

Wait a minute. Look, you don't understand. I'm Jane Cutter, head of

Hmm.

Feel pretty secure to me.

Can I go now?

No, I'm afraid not.

I need to strip search you.

Strip search me?

Here? Right now? You heard me, blondie. Now drop your drawers.

Are you joking?

Right here?

Don't you have any private dressing rooms or anything?

No, those are booked months in advance, sweetheart.

But let's see what we have over here first.

My bag.

Well, what do we have here?

Just a few things I am bringing to the Bahamas.

Oh.

Well, I do believe that a cavity search is in order here.

Right now?

Right here, in front of all these people?

Yeah. Why don't you go ahead and remove these?

Don't get me.

Well, do you wanna make your plan or not?

Are you sure about the dressing rooms?

Oh, yeah.

They're being occupied right now.

Well...

Thank you.

Thank you.

Make sure they don't have any scope of them.

Yeah, you like the way I fuck you, huh? Mm -hmm.

And this kind of... Mm

-hmm. Mm

-hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Yeah, fuck yourself in the ass.

Yeah. Yeah, fuck yourself in the ass.

Yeah.

give us away.

Dilsa! Shut up.

We have no time for another plan.

I seem to have a problem with my ticket.

More cream, Mr. President?

No, thank you. I don't think I have any left, but thank you for asking.

What was that all about?

You didn't.

Not another bimbo.

Hello, Mr. President. This is the captain.

We'll be making a brief landing en route to our final destination.

You and the First Lady may now pre -buckle.

Pre -buckle, de -buckle.

Hey, that's airplane talk.

Listen, I have frequent flyer miles.

Like a man, I positively need to upgrade to first class.

I would really like to oblige you, asshole, but I have a plan to catch.

What seems to be the problem here?

Trying to explain to this gentleman I would like to be upgraded to first

Well, that sounds reasonable to me. Why don't you let me hold that for you while

you help this customer?

I'll need to see a picture ID.

Thank you.

We have here a tennis club.

Lessons to prepare.

Library card.

I'm sorry, I still need to see something with a picture ID.

Splendid. Year 469.

Right on time.

But where's Gunther? Forget Gunther.

His head's fuzzier than a warm low and brow.

For once, you are right, my little idol wife.

But Ilsa, this time keep the body count to a minimum.

Okay?

Yeah, security cutter here.

Which one of you is Gunther?

That's me.

Hello? Lady, would you please hand me my gun back for a second?

Thank you.

You two are coming with me.

You're going to have to shoot her first.

Dunk off, we are.

Not again.

Oh, shit. The pilot.

Listen to me.

There's been a change of plans.

Bring me the hostages. Go to plan C.

Allow me to introduce myself, Mr. President.

I am Hans Graber of the Brutal Brecht Liberation Army.

Who? What?

What did he say?

I don't know. He's a...

Hand grabber or something.

He's got a gun, honey.

Nice suit.

Coffee, tea, cold beer?

Something to eat, big guy.

You two.

Upstairs. Now!

Come on, honey.

Don't try anything funny.

Lump!

Lump! Put

down

the gunwolf.

Love attack.

Love attack.

Love

attack.

of the moon.

Good night.

Not so.

Bravo, Gunther.

Okay there, grabber.

Is it ransom money?

What's your game?

I will not be gangbanged by a terrorist.

Would you shut up already?

The illustrious Mr. James Baum of Her Majesty's

Secretion Service.

My old arch enemy, Hans Gruber.

Hey, what is this? You want to kiss us?

What kind of mommy was that?

Would you shut up already?

I'm indeed flattered, Mr.

Bomb.

But when did I become arch?

And when did I become your enemy?

When our services learned that your services were servicing terroristic

services. I wouldn't mind a little servicing myself.

Unfortunately, Mr. Bomb, That information will do you no good.

You see, I intend to kill you.

You'll never get away with it, Grapper. You know, when we land, the feds are

going to be all over you.

Like sauerkraut salesman at Oktoberfest.

You forget about my ace in the hole, Mr. Baum.

Take the president.

Lock him in the toilet.

Go. I don't like you.

Ilsa!

That's crazy, bitch.

She'll kill us all.

Gunther, watch Baum and the girls.

James, you're so strong.

Not like my husband.

Mildred is still the president.

Mildred? The two of you are.

Well, I never.

Well, never say never.

One more.

All right.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I love you.

oh oh oh

yeah oh

yeah oh

yeah

It will come back to me.

It's like riding a bicycle, yeah?

You've never ridden a bicycle, Tom.

Let me do it. Let me have it. Let me have it. Let me do it.

Let me do it.

Well, I believe that was the intestinal detonator going off.

The what?

Secret agent Moneypaint who stuck a tiny bomb up Grabber's ass during that

liaison. The flight attendant.

Precisely.

By the way, who's flying this damn plane?