Original subtitles

As you all know, the state hired us

to help decide which of the four Hollywood DMVs

is going to be impacted.

So, for the past seven months, we have been in and out

of each branch, observing day-to-day operations.

I don't remember them being here.

I don't remember throwing my life away

in a series of dead-end jobs, but yet, here we are.

We have watched how you handle pressure...

How's this for distribution?!

Throw something heavier!

[imitating Kshitija]: Try the printer!

KSHITIJA: ...worked together as a team...

Say, "Merry everything!"

Go, go, go.

-Stop touching me. -BARB: Three, two, one.

-[exclaiming] -[camera shutter clicks]

-Oh, we missed it! -KSHITIJA: ...and navigated

daily hardships.

[groans] I hate this chair.

Come on, stop fooling around.

And after extensive analyzing,

interviewing and assessing...

The verdict is in.

KSHITIJA: Our conclusion is...

-Drumroll. -BARB: Here we go.

-Here we go, here we go. -Nails, nails, nails.

People do not typically enjoy coming to the DMV.

-[group murmuring] -We will be back in two days

to make our closure recommendation.

Uh, excuse me. How much did this little analysis

cost the beautiful state of California?

31 million big smackers.

[Gregg chuckling]

Perfect. No notes.

♪ ♪

-COLETTE: Yep. Yep. Yes. -NOA: Oh. Okay.

-COLETTE: Yep. Yep. Whoa. -[engine chugging]

NOA: So, how'd I do?

Did I finally pass my road test?

[Colette clicks tongue]

Noa, Noa, Noa, um... let's talk inside.

[Noa groans]

GROUP: Surprise!

[whooping]

-Wait, did I pass? -You passed.

-Wow. -VIC: All right, Kiwi,

as a reward, we're gonna smash glutes

-and hammies tomorrow. -NOA [laughing]: Sure. Okay.

Thank you.

-"Congarts." -BARB: Typo.

Got it on a discount.

Well, thank you for the party, Colette.

Well, actually, it was my idea.

Tanya's hosting mah-jongg at our house tonight,

so this gave me a reason to not go home.

-Oh. -CECI: Well, we got drinks.

We got karaoke.

Jilloyce was, uh, lobbying for trivia,

but don't worry, I shot it down.

You should invite, uh, Mary if you want to.

Hey, we broke up a couple of weeks ago.

Oh. Oh, oh, oh.

The Barb is open!

-Yes, the Barb! -[cheering]

-Welcome to th... -The Barb.

I see and smell that you have your walking boot off.

We've got a license to party.

I thought you would be more nervous.

In two days, we might find out

if they're closing down this den of agony.

Remember how we got a Honk Out in DMV magazine 10 and 2?

Yes, I do, because you put an inflatable tube man out front

with a sign that says, "We got a Honk Out in

the DMV magazine10 and 2."

Well, after that morning meeting,

director of the DMV Ray Henderson himself

called to congratulate us.

Wow. What kind of Scotch do you have?

-Uh, sure, I'll play the message. -That's not what I...

RAY [recorded]: Barb Berry, Ray Henderson here.

Congratulations on the Honk Out. Well done.

Drive safe.

[laughs] "Drive safe."

The man knows how to finish.

-I guess. -All right.

What am I gonna say when I call him back?

I would say this.

You're not saying anything. [chuckles]

I'll say it again.

["Dancing with Myself" karaoke track playing]

You're not... Oh, come on, Gregg.

♪ There's nothing to prove and I'm dancing with myself♪

♪ Oh, oh, uh-oh♪

♪ If I looked all over the world♪

♪ And there's every type of girl♪

♪ Well, their empty eyes seem to pass me by♪

♪ And I'm dancing with myself♪

♪ So let's sink another drink♪

♪ 'Cause it'll give me time to think♪

♪ If I had my chance, I'd ask the world to dance♪

♪ And I'll be dancing with myself♪

-[feedback squeals, music stops] -♪ Oh, oh, oh.♪

Oh, no, no. Technical issue.

Well, if we cannot sing, we will drink.

-To the Barb. -To the Barb.

Hey. I iso'd the tech ish.

We got a mic out.

Yeah, I was a roadie for a summer.

Yeah, I untangled all the extension cords.

Pretty much the head honch of power.

You should probably add that to your résumé

in case this place closes down.

Nah, I don't need one of those.

Jobs tend to find me.

The unemployment rate is at an all-time high right now.

When's the last time you even applied to get a job?

Eight years ago,

when I came here for my license and never left.

Well, unless you play the drums on TikTok, it's tough out there.

[chuckles]

♪ ♪

How many lice do you reckon are in this?

-All of them. -Ah, yum.

-[chuckling] -Oh.

-It's an ambush. -[laughing]

You just ambushed me.

I'm sorry, cowboy.

♪

VIC: Hey, bro, little help?

-Yeah. -I'm working on my re-zoom.

-Résumé? -How do you spell "experience"?

Uh, lose the "y."

-Ah. -BARB: Gregg.

Which one?

Gregg. Remember when you suggested

that I not call Ray Henderson back?

-What if I told you that I did? -Oh, no. What did you say?

That's where it gets interesting.

-I don't know what I said. -VIC: Barb.

How much you have to drank?

One Barb-garita, and I made sure not to eat all day

so it wouldn't mix with my antibiotics that I'm taking.

How long was the phone call?

Well, my phone says only 47 seconds, so...

Hold on.

For context, that was only two seconds.

Why do you keep teaching me lessons with silence?

[panting]

[grunts in frustration]

"Experience" means sexual, right?

Correct.

♪

[sighs]: All right.

-Hi. [chuckles] -Hey.

-Uh-uh. -Hey.

You two kissed.

What? How'd you know that?

Because, Colette, I am a gifted reader of people.

Plus, the photo of you two kissing

-showed up on my computer. -Oh, yeah.

-So, how was it? -Good.

Good, good, good.

-So, bad. -Hmm?

Bad, bad, bad.

It wasn't bad. It wasn't terrible.

It wasn't the worst kiss I've ever had.

Better or worse than that time

you had to give mouth-to-mouth to Jilloyce?

Um...

Oh, my God, you have to think about it?

It's-it's not that big of a deal.

Uh, it's the only deal, Colette.

You obviously didn't feel anything in your downstairs.

And if it didn't hit, you must a-quit... him.

You need to listen to your body, Colette.

-I know. -And it's saying, "Colette,

"you know, we thought we liked Noa,

-but we actually don't." -Who's "we"?

It's also saying, "Please stop dressing me like

-an American Girl doll." -But I do like him.

One not-so-amazing kiss doesn't change that.

Ah, it should. Your downstairs never lies.

And if your downstairs is fighting with your upstairs,

do you want to know who wins that fight?

-Apple. [chuckles] -Hey.

-[chuckles] -[Colette chuckles]

-Um, hey, Colette. -Hmm?

You and me, dinner tonight?

Yes, please.

Okay. Sweet.

[whispers]: No one wins.

Nobody wins that fight.

-I'm gonna win. -Mm. Mm, mm.

I can't believe I drunk-dialed Ray Henderson.

-What? -Good God, Barb.

I can hear you moaning from the waiting room.

All my hard work to save the branch,

a complete waste of time because of one stupid phone call!

Oh, Barb, your hard work has always been

a complete waste of time.

You're just saying that.

Look, they are gonna choose what branch to close

based on something you will never see coming.

-[cell phone chimes] -[sighs]

Text from Ray Henderson.

"Got your message.

Not happy."

-Ray Henderson's not happy. -[cell phone chimes]

"What do I need to do to make all this go away?"

What? I don't even know what I said.

I'll send him an emoji that's like, "Hmm."

-No, no. -Okay, fine. I'll send him

an emoji that's like... [groans]

No, Barb. He must have done something bad, and...

whatever you said in that phone call

makes him think that you know.

-I don't know. -Doesn't matter.

At the DMV, the less you know, the more power you have.

I think we may have stumbled onto some leverage here.

Greggory, are you suggesting that we blackmail Ray Henderson,

director of the California DMV?

-Mm-mm-mm. -I would never.

For what?

As a bargaining chip

for the survival of our branch.

I ought to send you one of these emojis.

I know why the kiss wasn't good.

'Cause you and Noa have less chemistry

than the sexless crash test dummies in the supply closet?

No, because we were here.

I mean, is there anything less sexy than the DMV?

Mm. This.

COLETTE: Yes, look. I mean, the lighting was bad,

the music was bad, and it smelled like the DMV.

Fix all of that, and my downstairs is on fuego.

I'm gonna call you at the end of the night,

tell you all about it.

Ooh, ooh, ooh. Or wait till morning

and don't tell me anything about it.

Okay.

Hey, you look like a boring adult.

I'm workshopping my re-zoom.

What sounds more impressive?

Analyst or consultant?

It's for when I was a bouncer at Big Tatas Gentlemen's Club...

and Buffet.

Beatboxing. Yay or nay?

I took a class on it, so slap it under educaish?

[beatboxing]: Freakin' fresh. R-R-Rewind.

If there was a little exaggeraish on my re-zoom,

would there be any way a Fortune 500 company

could fact-check that?

Like if I said I was the president of Advil?

[snaps fingers]

You're right. Vice president...

of pills.

Okay, Ray should be calling any second.

Are you sure this is the right thing to do?

Yes. We've been given a gift, and we're gonna use it.

I wonder what he did that was so bad.

Did he, like, sleep with a subordinate,

or-- oh!-- maybe he exposed himself on Zoom.

Hot tip: Even if your camera's off,

a Zoom mic can pick up a toot from ten feet away.

I am so glad you're my boss.

[fanfare ringtone playing]

Sir, may I say, I respect you greatly.

RAY: Don't play games with me.

I've got your message right here.

BARB [recorded]: Ray Henderson, what's up?

It's Barb Berry from East Ho.

I can't believe what you did.

I'm gonna tell everybody, and I'm never gonna forget it.

What were you talking about?

Him calling to congratulate us on our Honk Out in 10 and 2.

RAY: Before you ask for the moon, here's where I'm at:

I'm willing to make sure your branch stays open.

-Yes! -And in exchange,

you tell nobody that I've been dipping into

the employee pension fund.

That tracks.

A political appointee turns out to be corrupt.

Gasp.

Take a second to think about it.

Do I take the deal and save our branch?

Or side with the man that's screwing over

thousands of DMV employees

who put up with disrespect, low wages,

broken office chairs,

all for the promise of a stable retirement?

-Still there? -I know what you'd do,

Beau Young.

You'd take the deal.

So, do we have a deal?

No deal!

Hello, Barb,

-you still there? -Oh.

Do it again.

-No deal. -You're making a big--

[sighs] Sounded better the first time.

-Should I call him back? -No.

-Just gonna put some music on. -Yeah.

AUDIOBOOK NARRATOR: Do you have trouble setting boundaries?

-Oh. -In this chapter, we will...

Someone with adult-onset codependency issues

-must have snuck in here. -[both laughing]

[romantic music playing softly]

-Yeah. -Hmm.

This is... this is nice.

Yeah.

Oh, y-you went forehead.

-Yeah. -Okay.

Do you feel safe?

Ew. I mean, oh, what?

Because you are.

You are... you're safe.

-Yes. -Boop.

Yeah.

-Yes, let's just... -[stammers] Yeah.

Hmm? [stammers]

-Don't. -Shh.

-Okay. -[both giggling]

-Mm-hmm. Mm. -Okay.

Hello, you.

Oh. I can't. I-I can't do this.

That's a relief, 'cause I-I don't... Me, neither.

Oh. Why-why... why can't you?

It's a lot of pressure to, like... to be your first,

-so I'm just... yeah. -Hold on.

Do you think I'm a virgin?

-You... Aren't you? -No.

-Oh, my God. -Oh.

What made you think that?

I think I read it on the bathroom wall originally,

but it just... it made sense,

given you've always been so awkward around me.

And last night, after we kissed, you just left so quickly.

'Cause the kiss sucked.

Oh.

-Oh. -NARRATOR: Chapter three.

-Oh, my God. -From pleasing people

to pleasuring yourself.

That's...

-Just... Yeah. -Yeah, I'll... Yeah.

♪ ♪

How could you?

♪ ♪

What's up with the big cheese?

She lost her hero and found out

that everything she believed in is a lie.

Mm. Well, speaking of lies, finished up my résumé.

And I learned it's pronounced "résumé."

Why did you list your height, wingspan and mile time on here?

Oh, that's a six-minute mile

with my neighbor's chunky kid Yoda-ing on my back.

Hmm. What about putting your last name

or the year you graduated

or a way for them to contact you?

If they want me bad enough, they'll know how to find me.

Plus, I didn't graduate high school.

You didn't?

You were in high school longer than anybody.

[chuckles] What, you think that matters I didn't graduate?

Only to employers.

So you're saying I can't lie and I need education?

This is not the America I voted for.

♪ ♪

Noa thought I was a virgin.

I could see that.

The whole night was awful.

I cannot believe I wasted

all this time and energy on him, and now what?

That's it. There's just...

There is nothing there.

It's kind of like how Barb invested

so much into saving this branch,

and now it just... it could all be gone.

That's right, I forgot. I might be out of a job, too.

-It's just one guy. -No, it's not.

It's everything.

When I took this job six years ago,

it was supposed to be temporary, and I'm still here.

I thought that Noa might be the one for me,

and he's just not.

I just don't feel like I'm making any progress.

That's not true.

Mira.

-Okay. -[typing]

COLETTE: Why?

Relax, okay?

-'Cause then you become... her. -Yeah.

Is this supposed to make me feel better?

And now you are...

COLETTE: Oh, I lost those earrings.

Colette, you're not going around in circles, okay?

You're... you're changing without even noticing it.

Realizing what you don't want

is exactly how you figure out what you do.

I mean, that's... that's progress.

♪ ♪

Um, over to the side...

Yeah.

Yeah, it is.

Thank you, Ceci. You're a good friend.

I know, I know, we're not "friends."

I mean, we're, like, work friends. [groans]

The consultants are back.

Okay.

DAN: All right, folks.

We've already narrowed it down from four to two.

It's going to be either you or North Hollywood.

-Wait. What? -What about South Hollywood?

SoHo. They blow-Ho.

Don't disagree, but an employee there

is suing us for workman's comp, so...

Can't shut down a branch in the middle of a legal battle.

Red tape city.

KSHITIJA: Before we head into final deliberations,

is there anything the manager would like for us to note?

No. I-I got nothing.

[murmuring]

Okay. Class dismissed.

Want to hit up The Grove, see if we can spot Mario Lopez?

Again.

♪ ♪

You-you got nothing?

That's it, Barb?

I'm sorry, guys. I blew it.

If I hadn't shut down Gregg's chair lawsuit,

we'd be safe.

I'm a freaking idiot.

You're not an idiot, Barb.

And you didn't shut it down. I did.

-Wh-What? -I withdrew the lawsuit.

They were gonna give me a bunch of money,

but they wanted to fire you.

So I told them to shove it.

You-you did that for me?

Nobody loves this job like you.

Yeah. Come on.

Now it's time to do your job.

-Which means looking after us. -COLETTE: Mm-hmm.

I'm not qualified for anything else.

Big Tatas closed because of a health code violation.

I need the DMV, Barb.

Those consultants, they're right out there.

-It's not too late. -Yeah, come on, boss.

Sometimes it's good to let a thing go, but not this, Barb.

You're Barb.

You're Barb of the East Hollywood DMV.

-NOA: Yeah. -CECI: Mm-hmm.

No, no.

We're all...

Barb of the East Hollywood DMV.

Fetch my vest.

♪ ♪

[whip cracks]

♪

[tires squealing]

-[music stops] -[all groaning]

[muffled chatter]

Is this heaven?

Sure looks like it.

DAN: I'm so sorry. I didn't see you

till you went flying off my hood.

I was caught up staring at that awesome blowy guy.

He was all doing this.

BARB: Wait. Wait.

Barb, you have to go to the hospital.

I got something to say.

Turn me to the weasel and the pretty one.

No, the other ones.

Listen up.

North Hollywood might be faster

and more polished, but what we got is more heart.

-Mm-hmm. -Yeah, we're a motley crew.

We got a grump, high school dropout,

rich kid, princess,

and a virgin, but we're family.

-I'm not a virgin. -And families stick together.

Upon careful reconsideration,

I think North Hollywood is going to be the impacted branch.

Your branch is safe.

Oh, my God.

-Yes. -Oh, my God.

We're safe.

My speech, it won you over?

Yes, along with the understanding

that you are not going to press charges

against my superior for reckless driving.

BARB: Deal.

[group groaning]

CECI: It's okay, Barb.

They'll sew a toe onto it.

Trust me, good as new.

My cousin's a mortician.

If you'll excuse us, uh, we have some bad news

for Beau Young over at North Hollywood.

-Yeah, you do. -Yeah.

COLETTE: Give him our best.

Should I meet you at the hospital?

Absolutely not.

Not till after your shift, little lady.

Don't worry, Barb, I will

hold this place down while you're gone, okay?

Do you want my vest?

No.

'Cause there's blood smeared all over it?

It's because it's a vest.

All right, people, let's go.

You heard the boss.

-We got a DMV to run. -Okay.

God. I hate this place.

Hey. It's the only place that'll hire me.

Hey, you know, I can help you get your GED.

I thought you were done teaching.

I think I got room for one more student.

Who, me?

Hey.

-Hi. -Hi.

I just want to say I'm... I'm so sorry about last night.

Like, like, booping you on the nose

and just thinking you were a virgin.

I'm-I'm sorry.

-All good. Yeah. -[chuckles] Okay.

-All right. -Yeah.

-Okay. -Sweet. [chuckles]

-[chuckling] -All right.

♪ ♪

-[music stops] -Mm.

Just had to be sure.

BOTH: Mm-hmm.

COLETTE: Yeah.

Definitely not a virgin.

♪ ♪

-Progress. -Mm-hmm.

Mm.

Well, you did it, Barbie, and you look damn good.

Feel great, too.

See you never, Ray.

Already have a successor, I see.

Oh, no.

Beau Young.

Mother Nature!

God!

Captioning sponsored by CBS

and TOYOTA.

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org