Original subtitles

Manure.

What? Add manure to your grocery list.

Why?

So you won't forget it.

I mean, why do you want manure?

To spread on my carrots.

You stutter like everybody else.

No, it's for my garden.

My crops aren't doing very well.

I forgot to prime the soil with manure.

Before I plant it.

Oh, isn't it too late for that?

It's never too late for manure.

That would make a nice bumper sticker.

If this works out, I may expand.

Maybe plant some cotton.

Or in the winter, wool.

Expand? You've already torn up the whole backyard.

I can't help it.

I mean, I'm really into this gardening thing.

I love spending time in the sun, feeling the earth, nurturing new life from the

soil. Well, I'm glad you enjoy it.

I also like eating the bugs.

Hola, yo deber, oh, wait a minute. Yo deber localizar un hombre nombrar Fredo

Mancia.

What? You speak English?

No,

I don't think that's funny.

Never mind.

I'm with the social service department of Los Angeles County.

I'm trying to find a man named Fredo Mancia.

He's a farmer. He lives in San Felipe.

I've got his son here.

Yes, I'll hold.

Those are my kids.

Ninos.

Brian and Lynn.

Lynn.

Can I go home now? No.

Lynn is 17.

Brian is 17.

Good night,

Scott. Why can't I go home? Everybody else is going home. Mrs. Wine, I'm sorry

this is taking so long, but we're trying to help this boy.

He's alone.

He's frightened. He doesn't speak any English.

And if I'm going to put him alone on the bus back to Mexico, I'm going to be

sure there's going to be somebody there to meet him. In other words, you don't

care what traffic's like this time of night.

Listen, why don't you go downstairs and see if you can get him a soda?

Sure, then why don't I take him to the basketball game? Well, why don't you

him to the roller derby? He could watch you play.

The pot machine takes two quarters.

You know, this job is not my whole life. In case you care, my life starts when I

walk out that door.

Mine perks up at exactly the same moment.

Yes, I'm here.

I'm here. I'm still holding.

Oh, why is that funny?

Never mind. Just hurry. Please, please.

Tanner, unless that boy is now in our employ, I want to know why he's still

here. Warren, I'm on the phone with San Felipe. I'm just about to contact...

Just call the youth authority and have them picked up.

They'll put him on the 6 o 'clock bus for home.

I'm going to have this whole thing straightened out in exactly...

One minute. Just wrap it up now and move on.

Yes, I'm still here. Have you found anyone who knows anything about Freda

Mancia? You have? Great.

He's gone. Gone where?

Well, somebody must... I'm... I'm sorry, too.

It's a deal.

Good news, Kate.

I just saved us five bucks.

How? I ordered the manure by the truckload.

That's exactly how you'll send it back.

I have to go back for the ending.

Wait, wait.

Is this all we've got?

We should have used more manure.

Great. Dust Bowl 87.

What's wrong?

There are not many of them, but they're perfectly fine yam.

Mom, that's eggplant.

It's corn.

Oh, it's really weird.

None of the other plants will grow, but we have enough zucchini to fill a

warehouse. It's weirder than you think.

I didn't plant zucchini.

Oh, I'm sure things will get better, Alf. Gardening's tougher than it looks.

Yeah? Well, it'd be a heck of a lot easier if it weren't for Bob Barker.

Bob Barker?

Yeah! He comes into my garden at night and digs up the plants.

The game show host?

Mom, Bob Barker's the acmonic's dog.

Oh, the chihuahua.

Are chihuahuas fast?

Al, put that claw down.

Fine. I'll use quicksand.

I'll get it.

Hello?

I'll put Kate on.

Hey, Kate, I'm the king of France.

Never mind.

I'm going to be a little late.

Fine.

Who was that?

Sounded like Willie.

What did he say?

He said he was going to be late.

Did he say why?

What am I, the desk clerk?

Hotel Tanner.

Oh, hey, we were just talking about you.

Don't hang up.

I have to talk to Kate.

It's something I have to tell her.

Hey, is this about why you can't come home?

Are you hiding something?

You got a little chippy on the side?

I'm taking a Mexican boy to catch his bus.

Oh, that's original. Kate, you gotta hear this. Pick up.

Honey, what's the problem?

There's a boy here who's got to get back to Mexico.

I can't reach his family. I don't want to just abandon him, so I'm going to

him down and put him on the bus myself.

Well, I understand, honey. Kate, you're buying that?

Why are you still on the phone?

Hang up. In a second.

I want to hear the joke about the kid with no family.

It's not a joke.

The boy has a family. He has a father. I just, I can't find him. That's why I'm

talking to you. I don't know. You call.

Kate, be home a little later, okay?

Bye -bye.

Goodbye, honey.

Hey, hey, Willie. There's one thing I'm still not clear about.

Are you or are you not getting some action on the side?

Oh.

Hello.

He's probably not.

Whoa! Don't give him those!

I'm telling you, Brian, the three -point shot is ruining this game.

Dad, want to watch the game with us? No, Alf, go in the kitchen.

I can't. I've got money on this game. You can read about the game tomorrow.

bet on basketball games?

Just college.

Only a fool bets on the pros.

Hey, Kate, you owe me for the Celtics game.

Kate.

I thought the Celtics were a lock.

Bird was out. McHale had a strained ankle.

Could you set another plate for supper?

Well, of course. Alex, go.

How come you're home so soon?

Well, it appears that somebody missed his bus.

Hola.

Everybody.

This is Luis Mancia.

Luis, this is everybody.

This is Kate. This is Senora Tanner.

This is... Man.

Have we met?

Here's your picture.

Your school picture on my desk. Oh, Dad, you know I hate that picture. I wish

you wouldn't show it to people.

Well, what's the matter with it? I look like the village idiot.

Honey, you don't look anything like the village idiot. People, people.

This is Brian.

Hi. Luis, it's very good to have you here. Luis doesn't speak any English,

Mi casa su casa.

Gracias. Luis is going to stay over here tonight.

Great, he can have my room and I'll sleep in the laundry room with him.

A -L -F.

I think the couch will be fine. I think A -L -F can sleep in my garage.

Brian, why don't you show Luis where he can wash up for dinner?

Okay.

Come on, Luis.

Will, something tells me that nobody knows he's here, do they? Not exactly.

stole a kid?

I borrowed one, just for 24 hours, just until I can find his dad.

Honey, what happened?

I honestly don't know, Kate. I was at the last stop, like right before the bus

station, and instead of turning right, I turned left on the third, and I sort of

got on the freeway, and then I sort of came home.

I thought you couldn't turn left on third.

It's one way. Well, not after four o 'clock. Al, why, what difference does it

make to you?

What difference does it make? Ha!

I'm not driving with you anymore.

I'll get the rest of that later.

Bob Barker.

Die, scurvy dog!

What are you doing here?

I'm into real horror.

Keep it down, will ya?

Por favor, no me lastimes.

Beth.

Amigos.

¿Tú hablas español?

Yo soy Alf.

Yo vengo del espacio.

Espacio? Melmac.

Kaboom.

Never mind.

I knew I heard something. Look, he's gone. Oh, no. I hope he didn't run away.

Listen. Do you hear voices?

Extraterrestre?

Si.

Un ser extraterrestre?

¿Por qué me asustaste?

Yo pensé eres Bob Barker.

So Price is right?

Oh, no.

¿Qué estabas haciendo con esto?

Perdón.

Los estaba regando en las plantas.

La tierra es serenosa.

Aquí.

Enséñame. I didn't even know he knew Spanish.

Well, very close to French.

¿Qué piensas de mi jardín?

Are you sure?

Well, I'll keep trying.

Thank you. Thank you for your help.

Gracias.

I've tried every agency in Mexico that might be able to find... Freedom and

peace. You sure you don't want to waste any more time? I mean, so far I've only

missed my break and my lunch. I bought you your lunch.

Oh, many thanks for the hot dog. Remind me to have a kid so I can name him after

you. Don't reproduce on my account.

Maybe I should never leave.

Maybe I should sleep here at night, too. That's a good idea. We wouldn't need

the Doberman Pinschers.

I don't know why I'm helping you.

Just watch. We'll get caught and I'll take the fall.

Ms. Wine.

I truly hate the compromise of your high moral position.

But if you think this boy doesn't deserve our help, then go.

Tanner!

I just heard a funny story.

Seems your Mexican kid missed his bus yesterday.

That's the kind of thing that can cost somebody his job.

That is a funny story.

Hey, I'm a fair man, right, Tanner?

Well, I used to.

Well, I can be.

For now, I'll assume this is a clerical error.

Told you I'd take the rap.

You know, it's 5 .30.

If your kid misses today's bus, I promise you an investigation.

Thank you. Hold, please.

Unless I need a note from my mother, I'm going to the ladies' room.

Pick up line one. I can't take any calls. You're not taking. You're

An old boyfriend of mine, whom I now hate, lives in Cuernavaca, and he sells

equipment to all the farmers around there. If anybody will know about this

Mancia guy, he will.

I don't know how to thank you.

Just try not to embarrass the whole country.

And tell him I want my albums back.

Uh, hello.

You don't know me. My name is Willie Tanner. I'm in Los Angeles.

I'm trying to locate a farmer named Fredo Mancia.

They told me he moved.

He what?

Hey, guys, how about a little break?

Brian, get out the slip and slide.

Not yet.

We're not done.

I've been thinking.

Isn't there some government program that pays you not to grow crops?

Hey,

hey, hold it, hold it.

These aren't weeds.

I think it's my spinach.

Weeds. I better tell your mom to hold off on that

salad.

Mom, be honest, okay?

How much longer do we have to eat zucchini?

Well, assuming you take some when you go away to college.

Hi, honey. Hi.

Well... What happened with Luis's father? We've been waiting to hear.

I know. Lynn, go get Luis, will you?

Sure. He's in Elf's garden.

Oh, you didn't find him, did you?

Yes, I did.

Well, that's wonderful.

How? Miss Wine contacted an old boyfriend she had in Mexico, and he

I'm amazed.

No, she helps me sometimes.

No, I'm amazed she had a boyfriend.

Dad, what happened?

Your dad found Luis's father.

Where'd you find him, Dad?

I think we should let Luis answer that question.

What? You better tell him.

No, no.

No comprendo. No comprendo. You comprende. Come on.

It's time to come clean.

Luis.

My dad is in Riverside.

He has a job in a carpet factory.

You speak English?

It's hard to fake words like carpet factory.

Luis's father had a farm in Mexico.

And when it went under, he got a work permit and he moved to Riverside.

Luis, I've spoken to your father. He's so happy to hear that you're safe.

He's on his way over here now to pick you up.

No!

He'll make me stay.

You ruined it. I almost got to go home in a bus, but you ruined everything.

Louise, you want to go back?

Yes. My friends are there. I can work. I have a place to live.

I don't want to stay here.

But, Louise, your father wants you here. You can't make me stay.

Louise.

If I may interject here. I think that I'm capable.

Of handling this. This is my job, you know.

Come on, Willie.

He's not going to listen to you. You're the one who found his father.

Do you think you can handle this any better?

Well, maybe.

Luis and I have become very close.

We've tilled together.

All right.

We've mulched. I know.

We've hoed. All right.

We've sprinkled. All right.

Talk. Talk.

In private, please.

Well, shall we all go and sit out on the front porch?

Well, it is a nice day.

Al, maybe you and Luis could go into the kitchen.

Come on, Luis.

Let's go for a little... How do you say confab in Spanish?

Confab.

So, otherwise, how was your day?

Oh, you have to help me. I've got to get out of here.

Calm down.

Take a seat. Let's talk.

I don't want to sit down.

I want to get out. I want to get away.

Louise, let me ask you something.

You came here when?

November?

November 28th.

Well, I've been here a lot longer than that.

And I'm still getting used to it.

You have to give the place a chance.

But I don't know anybody here.

You know me.

We became friends right away.

You tried to hit me with a hoe.

All right. It was a rocky start.

But we tilled together.

We mulched.

We hoed.

We sprinkled. All right.

But...

I don't know how to figure things out.

Ah, you pick it up here and there.

What you don't know, you guess at.

I still haven't figured out the words to Louie Louie. Have you?

Yes. Well, see?

You're one up on me already.

Ah!

If I stay in Riverside, will you come and visit?

Probably not.

But hey, there's no reason why you can't drop by here once in a while and visit

me.

Although call first.

I may be in the shower.

Luis, your father's here.

Well, you coming over next Sunday or not, you can help me harvest the jicama.

I hate jicama.

So don't eat.

I like hamburgers.

Then bring the mustard.

No problem.

And don't forget our little secret.

I don't exist.

Believe me.

Thanks.

Hasta la vista.

I'm sorry, Mr. Tanner.

Thank you. No problem.

Oh, please.

Before you go, could I ask you a big, big favor?

Sure. Will you take some zucchini?

Please. I didn't plant zucchini.

Go. Yes.

Al, we have to talk.

Just a second.

Easy shot.

Ha! That's exactly why the Martians are extinct.

What is this?

Space invaders.

What do they do? Crash into your garage, eat all your food, dig up your yard?

You're in a mood.

Yes, I am.

Because I found my good hole.

In this condition.

Oh, yeah.

Sorry. I was plowing up my garden and I hit a water main.

Don't worry.

It wasn't yours.

So you're giving up gardening?

Not giving it up.

Just switching crops.

Oh, to what?

Willie!

Earthworms.

Hey, I think I know that job.