Original subtitles

[yelling]

♪ I got ya with my winning smile ♪

♪ I'm a living lesson in flair and style ♪

♪ You just can't help but stare at my savoir-faire ♪

♪ I'm Nouveau, Deco, Roman-Greco ♪

♪ Rococo, Barroco ♪

♪ Be-bop, hip-hop, flip-flop ♪

Somebody stop me!

♪ Pretty viridian faces like mine ♪

Don't come a dime a dozen, I stand out of the crowd!

♪ Babe, when they made me Yeah, they broke the mold! ♪

Wholesome and kind, staid and refined. Totally out of my mind!

♪ Arch-villains and ne'er-do-wells ♪

♪ Had better learn to decorate prison cells ♪

Green goes with anything if they ask, see?

♪ Well, there's one last thing I gotta sing about ♪

Open up wide and really shout!

Whoa, look out!

♪ This is the Mask! ♪♪

Smokin'!

[ringing]

[barking]

Oh, would you look at that, I am so late.

- [ringing] - I'm never going to make it.

I'll let the machine get that.

[whimpers]

Next time.

Thank you, Milo.

[whimpers]

[sighs] Hello.

Peggy! My favorite cub reporter.

Well, well, well. How are things in the tabloid world?

Any recent bat boy sightings?

Stanley, I think I have a job for the Mask.

Yeah, well, I'm sorry, Peggy,

but Stanley's running a little late for his job now,

so the Mask can't come out and play, all right?

Where are you anyway?

Shouldn't you be home in bed nursing your cold?

Stanley, Pretorius is about to cure my cold.

Permanently.

Cold.

Pretorius!

Peggy, there are safer places to snoop for a story

than Edge City's resident mad scientist laboratory.

- Stanley! - Peggy! Oh, no.

- What do I do? - [grunting]

- [hangs up] - Thank you, Milo.

Smokin'.

[coughing]

The Mask is on his way to foil your evil plan.

By the way, what is your evil plan and speak slowly.

[sniffing]

- No! - How fortuitous.

A naughty reporter with a fresh cold.

[sneezing]

- Got a tissue? - Even better.

Oh!

Help me, Mask!

There is no time to lose. Peggy is in danger.

[sniffing]

Mmm, hey. That a fresh pot?

Fill her up with 10-40,

chocolate sprinkles, extra foam, the works.

Got blueberry muffins coming hot out of the oven in five minutes.

Um... OK, I'll wait.

Exquisite. Just the ingredient I need

for my most diabolical scheme yet.

You need phlegm? [sniffing]

Thank you for your... contribution.

[screaming]

Hey, no cut-offs in the pool!

You know what I always say, nothing like a good Jacuzzi.

Leaves your skin feeling all tingly and...

[screaming] I'm indecent!

So let's rumble!

Since you enjoyed the spa,

you must try the mud bath.

[screams]

Mask!

There's your exclusive, Ms. Brandt.

The Mask gets terminated.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I must get to work

on what no doubt will be tomorrow's top story.

Mental note: Refill sealing canister with fresh lava.

Mask? Can you hear me?

Mud baths. Great for the pores,

really bad for the threads.

Mask, you're alive!

[laughing] I could kiss you.

Pleasure's all mine, sugar.

[sneezing]

Eww! Gross.

Sorry. It's just a cold.

Shouldn't bother an indestructible

crime-fighting dynamo like you.

Should it? [blowing]

Sorry about yesterday, Stanley.

I didn't mean to give you my cold.

[sneezing]

You never mean to cause me trouble, Peggy.

It's a gift you have.

[whimpers, sneezes]

Oh, you see? Milo's caught your cold from me.

Well, no matter. I didn't get a Mask story yesterday.

But today is another day.

- Oh, no. Oh, no, Peggy. - [growling]

Don't go there. Don't even think about

getting me to put the Mask on again. No way.

Let's please keep the prison tour group together, people.

[coughing]

Pretorius is planning to take over Edge City

and I'm stuck doing a puff piece on prison decoration.

Huh?

Gotta make it happen, yeah!

Oops.

Warden! I dropped my purse.

[ringing]

[snuffling] Hello.

Peggy, not again!

I got a whole new problem.

[sniffing] What?

Oh, no rest for the wounded.

[sneezing]

[coughing]

[panting]

By the ghost of Oilcan Harry,

I think I need a tune-up.

All right, Tiny.

Drop the lass, or I'll shiver your timbers.

[coughing]

[wheezing]

Argh! Who replaced my cannonball with a hairball?

[grumbling]

Hmm, funny bit, but I didn't plan that.

[sneezing]

Do I hear a gesundheit?

Foul ball!

Say, what gives?

Is the kid's head cold mussing up my style?

Better check the PC.

Boot up.

[beeping]

[squeaking]

Um, I'll take medical history for 1,000, Alex.

[clears throat]

"The Mask is the picture of health

and is absolutely indestructible."

Yup, that's me.

"Except when exposed to the common cold virus.

In the event wearer wears Mask while infected with a cold,

the Mask and the aforementioned wearer

will meet with their demise."

Hmm, "demean", "demotorize"...

Ah, "demise." [gasping]

That means... I'm history.

The Mask and its wearer will meet with their demise?

[laughing]

Oh, that's rich. Oh, that's a gasser.

Catch my death of cold. How absurd.

Uh, Mask, Walter's going thatta way.

Sorry, no time.

I gotta write my will.

And send out funeral invitations.

And get a cake for the Grim Reaper.

[laughing]

What are you talking about?

Look, I'm supposed to go through seven symptoms

before I leave this world.

First, I sneeze my head off.

And next, get this, loss of bladder control.

[laughing]

Ooh. Pardon.

[toilet flushing]

[screaming]

Oh, it's true! My days are numbered.

The next symptom is a head cold!

Only if the wearer actually wears the Mask.

Time to nurse yourself back to health, Stan boy.

Yep. Head cold.

Stanley, could you please explain what's going on?

It's simple, Peggy. I can't wear the Mask

until I recover from my cold.

My life depends on it.

I will now add proto-nuclear fluid

to Miss Brandt's cold germs, creating a genetic mutation

as indestructible as the common cold.

And every bit as contagious.

[growling]

[all screaming]

[sneezing]

[roaring]

[screaming]

[sneezing]

[all coughing, sneezing]

[sneezing]

[growling]

[siren wailing]

[all screaming]

[Peggy] Another bat boy sighting.

[coughing] Boring.

[TV]: We interrupt this program

to take you to a live, on the scene report...

[sneezing]

Citizens of Edge City, my super cold virus

ensures that you will remain in a permanent state of infection.

Any attempt to fight the virus

in your weakened and miserable states,

would be foolhardy.

- Witness. - [sirens wailing]

[all coughing]

[sneezing]

Hold it right there, sly bucket.

[sneezing]

Oh! I'm so sorry, Lieutenant.

Doyle. Cover your mouth.

[sneezing]

As you can see, you may now bow to me

as your ruler.

So... so... [sneezing]

That was his plan.

He's turned my nose goblins into a lethal weapon!

I don't believe it.

I could have had the exclusive.

I could have made the jump into real news!

I was so close.

[glass shattering]

[growling]

Soap, talk show, infomercial, psychic hotline.

Oh, come on, where's the cartoons?

Well, that's downtown.

[reporter] That's right, we're reporting live from downtown

where we're all powerless against this rampaging monster.

- [panting] - Huh?

No. No, it is not my responsibility.

[whimpering]

They can call in the military.

Even the National Guard cannot help us.

- [growling] - Milo, I can't risk my life.

I can't.

[barking]

- [growling] - [Stanley] Oh, no.

Peggy!

[stammering]

All right, this is it Stanley.

Time to put up or shut up.

Peggy's in trouble.

[sniffing] I gotta chance it.

- [barking] - [thundering]

Time to kick the snot out of Pretorius!

But first... Let me rest.

I don't feel so well.

[sneezing]

[Peggy screaming] Oh, no!

[sirens wailing]

[tires screeching]

[growling]

I didn't realize my creation

would turn out to be such a mama's boy.

You helped make him what he is today, you know.

[sneezing]

You're a very sick man, Pretorius.

No.

It is you who are sick.

My germ-free micro-environment

keeps me the picture of health.

[inhaling]

[laughing]

[Mask approaching]

Sneezin'.

[sneezing]

I can't have you abusing the president of my fan club.

Let go of the girl, Pretorius.

Mask. I thought my hot lava surprise finished you.

Pshaw!

It barely singed my nose hairs.

[coughing]

Hmm.

As I was saying... [coughing]

Mask?

What's happening to you?

That would be symptom number four, Peggy.

Hacking cough.

Kind of literal with the hacking part, huh?

Curiouser and curiouser.

[roaring]

Say, that snot's got attitude.

You might say, a snotty attitude.

[rim shot]

Prepare for slice and dice.

[yelling]

[coughing]

No, Mask, it's no ordinary blob.

It's a cold germ blob.

Stay away. You know how cold germs could kill you.

[chuckles] Very ironic,

that the indestructible Mask

could so fully surrender to a mere common cold.

Hey, loose lips!

Are you a reporter or a gossip columnist?

Oops. Sorry.

Equally ironic is how your reporter friend

should help create the thing

that is about to destroy you.

Now just a nose-pickin' minute.

Peg, did this big booger pudding

start at the back end of your nasal cavity?

Well, how was I supposed to know

that my phlegm was dangerous?

Now you know it ain't polite

to go a'pokin' around up a lady's nose.

[sniffing]

So I'm gonna have to whup you good, Lyle.

Oh, no. Symptom number five.

Fever. Dance fever.

[groaning]

Let's finish this.

[monster growling]

Fight a cold with cold remedies.

I got your minimum daily requirement right here, soldier.

Keepin' lard on that griddle, man.

It's time to feed that cold.

Now wait just a minute right here.

Is that starve a cold, feed a fever?

Uh, yes, we have a splashdown.

Nothing stops a cold dead better

than Mama's chicken soup recipe.

[clucking]

Not bad. Needs a little salt.

[grunts]

Now then.

That oughta fix his wagon.

Don't be so sure.

Didn't even slow it down.

That must be a really bad cold.

And speaking of bad colds...

symptom number six.

[muttering]

I'm getting stuffed up.

See? Stuffed up.

I'm not gonna get stuffed up anything. Don't turn your back on me.

You only have one symptom left.

I'm thinking maybe you should remove the Mask.

It won't come off.

Too weak.

Here.

[straining] Oh, come on!

[Peggy gasping]

Isn't there a cure or something?

[tsking] For the common cold?

You know, I never thought to check.

[beeping]

Hey! It says there is a cure.

[stammering] What's the cure?

Don't know. Computer's broke.

[groans]

But the printer ain't.

It says a Mask cold can only be cured...

Ooh. By ingesting a Bavarian wood mite.

Bavarian wood mite?

Peggy, I need your help.

Will you help me find the remedy?

Of course, anything.

But where am I gonna find a Bavarian wood mite?

No. Uh-uh.

No, no, no, no!

No!

This time the payback is good for your soul.

If I'm going down, I'm taking a piece of you with me.

Come on, you snot-slinging pantywaist!

I think I've got a cold sore.

[grunting]

Oh, no. I can feel it coming on.

Symptom number seven!

The last symptom.

Post-nasal...

drip.

[coughing]

Oh, the end is near.

Oh, how I wish I could live to see one more green sunrise.

Just one more walk to see the mayor.

Give Lieutenant Kellaway just one more atomic wedgie.

[hacking]

But I'm done for.

It's curtains. The end of the road.

The big sleep!

The long goodbye.

[Milo panting]

[groaning]

Cough syrup, ibuprofen, menthol inhaler.

Thank you, Milo. Good boy.

But your master's beyond that kind of help now.

[whimpering]

Dead, or symptom number eight?

Over-acting.

[stammering] I've got the wood mite.

Mask? Mask!

Too late. Symptom seven came and went.

Looks like you have that front page story you always wanted.

And an obituary too.

[wheezing]

Somebody stopped... me.

Mask!

[sobbing]

Psych!

Confidentially,

those bugs would have gone down easier with a little mustard.

But they did the trick!

You!

You cheated death. Again!

Not only that...

got my flex back.

- No! - [glass shattering]

Be clean jelly, poindexter girlie man.

No!

[groaning]

[wheezing]

[sneezing]

Mental note: stop by pharmacy,

purchase antihistamines.

Hey, plenty more Bavarian wood mites to go around.

[growling]

Pooga!

The hills are alive!

[Mask] With the sound of mucus.