Original subtitles

[yelling]

♪ I got ya with my winning smile ♪

♪ I'm a living lesson in flair and style ♪

♪ You just can't help but stare at my savoir-faire ♪

♪ I'm Nouveau, Deco, Roman-Greco ♪

♪ Rococo, Barroco ♪

♪ Be-bop, hip-hop, flip-flop ♪

Somebody stop me!

♪ Pretty viridian faces like mine ♪

Don't come a dime a dozen, I stand out of the crowd!

♪ Babe when they made me Yeah they broke the mold! ♪

Wholesome and kind, staid and refined, totally out of my mind!

♪ Arch-villains and ne'er-do-wells ♪

♪ Had better learn to decorate prison cells ♪

Green goes with anything if they ask, see?

♪ Well there's one last thing I gotta sing about ♪

Open up wide and really shout!

Whoa, look out!

♪ This is the Mask! ♪♪

Smokin'!

[tires screech]

This must be the place.

How very receptive of you, Pete.

[engine revving]

[Pretorius] Ah, a few more late arrivals.

Lonnie the Shark and Pete.

Meet, Gorgonzola, evil Goddess of cheese.

Cheese to meet you. [laughing]

Hey!

The Tempest, master of the weather.

[slurping sound]

[Pretorius] And this little, busy bee is the Stinger.

[loud slurping]

[burps]

Charming.

And I believe you know the rest of the local riff-raff.

- How ya doin'? - Hey, what's up?

We may have more late arrivals but let's begin, shall we?

First, let me say how pleased I am

that the weather has cleared.

You're welcome. [chuckles]

What, you think that storm just disappeared by itself?

It's come to my attention that what this town needs

is a consolidation of power.

A criminal cartel, if you will.

All of us working together for the common evil.

[inhales] Imagine the possibilities of such a venture.

- What's the rub? - Oh, fabulous.

I somehow detect something less than

total enthusiasm for my little idea.

There's just one little problem, Pretorius.

Just one little fly in the ointment.

I ask, the Mask?

He's got you all running scared, hasn't he?

Scared? Who are you callin' scared?

It's just that he's always bitten us. It's depressing.

[man] Depression is really nothing more than a form of avoidance.

Who is this pencil neck cretin, Pretorius?

His name is Neuman.

I invited him here because there is a

serious morale problem corrupting our ranks.

So what's he, some kind of a cheerleader?

Actually, I'm a psychologist.

Buzz off, creep.

We don't want no stinking shrink here. Beat it!

[talking over each other]

Yeah, they're always talking about how your parents screwed you up.

How you've got all this repressed hostility.

Well I don't have any repressed hostility!

Yes, I can see that.

You're all harboring a classic case of what I call, "Maskophobia".

Fear of a certain green-faced no-goodnik.

My latest book, available in fine bookstores everywhere,

deals with just such a phenomenon.

What I'd like you all to do is to share your experiences vis-à-vis the Mask,

to speak through the pain in order to become liberated

from the shackles of limiting beliefs.

He wants you to talk about your run-ins with the Mask.

Oh, now I get it.

[all talking over each other]

Now, who'd like to go first?

How about you?

Oh, I would, but the thing of it is I got

this terribly inflamed larynx and... [coughs]

Shut up, Pete! And start talking.

[gulps] Uh... sure, boss, sure.

Uh... a few months back, me and Lonnie and the boys had a

sweet, little robbery situation going on at the new mega mall.

Get that bloke! He'll ruin everything!

Guten tag. Lovely day for a skate, ya?

[yelling] [grunting]

Young fella, you need to be taught a lesson.

But first...

Martian Kung Fu Kickboxer Part II.

You know, part I was like my fave flick of all time.

Lonnie, there's this green-faced bloke out to get me!

Just like that monster dog you saw earlier?

Now gather the men, our chopper is landing.

What's all that racket?

It's not nice to mess with Mr. Mask's movie going experience.

[elevator dings]

Going down?

[gasps]

[screaming]

[crashing]

Ground floor: Laundry World, Hall of Cheese and the International House of Velcro.

Speaking of which...

[yelling]

[grunting]

A very traumatic experience indeed, but thank you for sharing, Pete.

That wasn't so bad, was it?

Oh, not at all, no.

Matter of fact, I feel strangely unburdened.

Now who would like to share next?

Oh, since they're all such wimps, I'll go.

[clears throat]

I had just been set free from my tomb,

and I decided to give Edge City a cheesing they'd never forget.

[chuckles]

Let every mortal shudder at the power of Gorgonzola.

I shall destroy your world.

[laser sound]

[tires screeching]

We are live at the Edge City bridge,

which has just been turned to cheese by the creature who calls herself Gorgonzola.

What we're witnessing is the most powerful,

destructive force that Edge City has ever...

Hey... I thought I was the big cheese in town.

Not anymore, Gorgonzola is far more powerful than you.

This cheese woman stinks, methinks.

Now, let me to my task, while nobody upstages the Mask.

Whoo! Careful.

[chuckles] Must be a van. Ow!

This mold-faced meddler shall get a taste of my extra sharp cheddar.

Somebody popped me!

[laughing]

Now, that should take care of...

No, no, no, no. You have to lie down please, or else the therapy won't work.

So, how long have you had this obsession of turning stuff into... cheese?

You dare mock me?

- Stop it! - Stop it!

Annoying, aren't I?

But you know what's really annoying?

[yelling]

[screaming]

But wait, there's more.

[scratching sound]

The noise!

Big smile now! Say "cheese"!

Cheese wedgie!

Nobody wedgies Gorgonzola!

[Pete] Pardon the interruption, old girl,

but is it hot in here, or is it just me?

Don't look at me.

Yes, it's like an oven.

[screaming]

[coughing]

What's everybody staring at?

So I'm late, sue me.

[Pretorius] But, had to travel rather long way to get here.

Oh, yeah, so where you from?

Some place where your heart... down south a ways.

[gulps] F... Florida?

Hotter.

I could take you there.

All you have to do is sign this contract.

Oh, no thanks.

[all laughing]

[clears throat]

As I was saying... [people laughing]

[groans]

Yah! Mosh pit!

Kickin'!

[grunting]

Now I ask, could I be anymore hip?

[groans]

These horrible sounds.

All that talk about dancing

reminds me of my little run-in with that masked character.

Thank you, thank you. You're too kind.

Thank you so... [explosion]

Hit it!

[dance music plays]

[crowd cheering]

[laughing]

Top that, wise guy.

No problemo. But first...

Let's say we make that little boombox of yours go boom.

[crowd cheering]

I see a lot of gimmicks, kiddo.

But I don't see any dancing.

[Russian accent] Then please to watch carefully my capitalist friend.

Hey!

I don't need your help.

Watch this.

I catch you, I promise.

Oops. Had my fingers crossed.

[crowd cheering]

[chanting]

Pineapple?

Oh, did I say pineapple?

I meant hand grenade!

- Eight, nine, ten. - [bell rings]

It's all over!

And the winner!

[shudders] That neanderthal ninny!

But you know what?

He got away that time, but I'll get him someday!

I venture to say we'll all wind up with Bub someday.

[all gulp]

You have that right.

I don't exactly see angel wings and harps in any of your futures.

[slurps] I'm next, but with a honey of a story to tell.

- It all started... - Wait. It's my turn, bee boy.

Bee boy? Nobody calls me "bee boy".

What's the matter? Does the truth have a nasty sting to it?

No, but my little friends here do.

[buzzing sound]

Oh, goody, goody, goody. This is healthy, assertive behavior.

You're really getting in touch with your anger.

Oh, yeah? Well, get in touch with this.

[screaming]

[screaming continues]

Enough!

Congratulations, Mr. Tempest, you've really gotten in touch with your inner child.

Have a lolly.

Now, why don't you share your experience of the Mask.

[all talking over each other]

That all right with you, bee boy?

Sure, hey, go ahead, no problem.

Oh, it was a beautiful day in the neighborhood.

And I had to do something about that.

Break out the life rafts, Edge City.

'Cause it's gonna rain like it's never rained before.

Hmm. This pizza seems a tad on the soggy side.

OK, who's the doofus who forgot to jiggle the handle on the toilet?!

[seal barking]

It's that weather weirdo again! He's ruining my city!

Only I get to do that.

Finally, the city trembles before

the terrible power of the Tempest.

Just wait until they hear tomorrow's forecast.

It's going to be unseasonably deadly.

[Mask] Say there.

You wouldn't have a spare towel on you, would you?

No?

Well then, I'm just gonna have to dry off doggy style.

[shivering sound]

Oh, do let me help.

A little heat lightning can do wonders.

But I chafe rather easily...

on account of my dainty, girlish complexion.

[giggles]

[snickers]

Such disrespect.

Time for you to hail to the chief.

You call that a pitch?

[grunts]

Time for you to hit the showers.

Now, where is that weather weenie?

The Tempest is no weenie you green monstrosity.

I command the elements, behold!

[thunder rumbles]

Hmm. Not good.

[screams]

Oh, I am sorry.

What you need is a little soothing water

to wipe away those salty tears.

[gargling]

[muffled] That's it! I can't take any more!

Like a green rat trying to escape a sinking ship.

[muffled] No, more like a plumber trying to unclog a stinky drain.

[laughing] Flushed you down the drain!

[choking]

Ever had a lightning bolt shoved up your nose?

I think it's time we heard from you, Mr. Bee.

The name is the Stinger!

You got that? Not bee boy, not Mr. B. The Stinger!

I just constructed the world's largest beehive.

My dear drones, how truly fortunate I am,

how honored, that you're building the world's largest honeycomb just for me.

Now I shall be able to manufacture all the honey I need

to keep my hunger satiated.

And if I need to enslave all of humanity to do it,

well, tough tamales.

Oh, honey, I'm home!

Where did you get all this stuff?

How about a wax attack to wipe that smirk off his face?

[scoffs] You call that wax?

Now this is wax!

[grunts]

Hey, man. I heard they were, like, having a bee-in around here.

[grunting]

[both screaming]

[phone ringing]

I was just getting to the good part!

Sorry, I told my service to hold all calls.

Hello.

- [honking] - Dr. Neuman here.

Traffic's just awful, but I'll be there as soon as I can.

Ah-ha!

You are an imposter!

Well, it's about time you figured it out, genius.

It was getting mighty stinky in there.

[sniffs] Whoo! BO city!

- You wanna whiff? - It's him.

- Let's sting him good! - This outta fix his wagon.

You know what your problem is, my foul weather friend?

You're wedgie retentive.

- [screams] - There now! All better, ya?

Und, you boys suffer from too much repressed neurosis.

What you need is an ink blot test.

Oh... [snickers]

You, my friend, suffer from cheesy delusions.

As though the weight of the world is on your shoulders.

Am I right? Well, now it is!

[screams]

You boys are starting to bug me.

[grunts]

You belong to me!

And you can go to... you know where.

[screams]

Sic him!

Missed me. Whoo! Not even close. You're so pre-prosperous.

Behind ya, pal.

[yelling]

Stay away from me, Mask. I'm warning you.

You know, I'm no shrink...

though I do play one on TV...

but you are one guy who really needs to get his head shrunk!

No, stop!

[high-pitched voice] What a cool little head!

Perfect for playing a game with.

Ow! No! Stop!

I don't think so!

I'm having a ball!

And I'm really getting in touch with my inner child.

Somebody stop me!

[laughing]