Original subtitles

♪ I GOT YOU WITH MY WINNING SMILE ♪

♪ I'M A LIVING LESSON IN FLAIR AND STYLE ♪

♪ JUST CAN'T HELP BUT STARE AT MY SAVOIR FAIRE ♪

♪ I'M NOUVEAU, DECO, ROMAN-GRECO ♪

♪ ROCOCO, BAROCCO, BEBOP, HIP-HOP, FLIP-FLOP ♪

♪ SOMEBODY STOP ME ♪

♪ PRETTY VIRIDIAN FACES LIKE MINE ♪

♪ DON'T COME A DIME A DOZEN I STAND OUT IN A CROWD ♪

♪ BABE, WHEN THEY MADE ME, YEAH, THEY BROKE THE MOLD ♪

♪ WHOLESOME AND KIND, STAID AND REFINED ♪

♪ TOTALLY OUT OF MY MIND ♪

♪ ARCH-VILLAINS AND NE'ER-DO-WELLS ♪

♪ HAD BETTER LEARN TO DECORATE PRISON CELLS ♪

♪ GREEN GOES WITH ANYTHING IF THEY ASK, SEE ♪

♪ WELL, THERE'S ONE LAST THING I GOTTA SING ABOUT ♪

♪ OPEN UP WIDE AND REALLY SHOUT ♪

♪ OHH, LOOK OUT ♪

♪ THIS IS THE MASK ♪

♪ SMOKIN' ♪♪

AND NOW THE PRO WILL ATTEMPT THE EXTREMELY DIFFICULT

SINK THE BALL IN THE OCTOPUS SHOT.

ARRIVAL IN 20TH CENTURY SECURE.

HEY, NOBODY TOLD ME ABOUT THE FIRE-BREATHING ROBOT!

THIS DEFINITELY OUGHT TO BE A PAR FIVE.

TARGET ACQUIRED.

BALL, PLEASE.

AH!

LISTEN, GUY, IF YOU WANTED TO PLAY THROUGH,

ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS ASK.

PREPARING TO REMOVE THE MASK.

WRONG CLUB.

YOU'RE CLEARLY UNFAMILIAR WITH THE GAME.

TRY A THREE-IRON.

TIME FOR YOUR 20,000-MILE CHECKUP, SON.

HMM, IT POSSESSES A CERTAIN NEW EXPRESSION OF ZEITGEIST

AND I LOVE IT.

DANG, THERE'S ALWAYS ONE PIECE LEFT OVER

YOU JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH.

THIS IS NOT GOOD.

♪

YOU THE MAN!

THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

IT'S NOTHING REALLY, I... AH!

HE RIPPED MY PANTS!

NO ONE TRASHES THE TROU AND GETS AWAY WITH IT.

ALL RIGHT, MILLER, ME AND YOU, HAND TO HAND COMBAT.

BEST TWO AND... HELLO, WHAT HAVE WE HERE?

I'M THERE.

SURE, BUT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET THERE?

QUITE SIMPLE.

BY USING THIS PEPPY LITTLE FORMULA, TIME TRAVEL

IS POSSIBLE, YA?

OF COURSE, YOU NEED A TIME MACHINE.

SO!

REVENGE WILL BE MINE.

NOT TO MENTION A WHOLE LOT OF FREQUENT FLYER MILES.

♪

TAKE A RELAXING VACATION ON MERCURY.

TAN IN FIVE SECONDS.

YEE-HEE-HEE-HOW!

SMOOTH RIDE, HANDLES WELL, BUT PARKING'S A PROBLEM.

FAST-BREAKING NEWS, MAN FALLS FROM SKY, LANDS ON MAIN STREET.

WHERE YOU FROM, FLYBOY?

AH, JUST A LITTLE BACKWATER CALLED THE 20TH CENTURY.

FOLKS, AN EXCLUSIVE WITH THE MAN FROM THE PAST.

TELL US ABOUT YOURSELF.

AH, WHERE TO BEGIN?

FIRST MAN ON THE MOON, ME.

FIRST MAN TO PITCH A NO-HITTER, ME.

INVENTOR OF ROAST BEEF, ME.

SPEAKING OF ROAST BEEF.

STEP ASIDE, CHUCKLES.

I GO 300 YEARS BETWEEN MEALS, I GET A LITTLE CRANKY.

WHAT, ALREADY?

OKAY, GIVE ME SIX STEAKS, 17 WIENERS, A DOZEN CURLY FRIES,

SIX HOT FUDGE SUNDAES,

AND A DIET COLA BECAUSE I'M WATCHING MY WEIGHT.

ENJOY.

HMM.

♪

NOT BAD, BUT A TOUCH ON THE DRY SIDE.

YOU EVER HEAR OF MUSTARD?

YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT A TIP, BUDDY.

HI THERE, WHAT'S SHAKING, FUTURE DUDE?

SO, WHERE'S THE PARTY AT?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE, UNDERWEAR TOO TIGHT?

YOU NEED TO LOOSEN UP, HAVE A COUPLE OF LAUGHS.

I'll TELL YOU FOLKS, I JUST FLEW IN FROM THE PAST AND BOY,

ARE MY ARMS HISTORY.

HELLO, IS THIS THING ON?

EVERYBODY'S A CRITIC.

WELCOME TO EDGE CITY, GREEN HEAD MAN.

WHOA!

YOU CALL THAT A WELCOME?

OH BOY, I JUST LOVE VIDEO GAMES, DON'T YOU?

YA!

TRAPPED.

THOSE DANG ROBOTS HAD ME TRAPPED.

HEY, BUT YOU SAVED ME.

SON, I'M JUST A GOVERNMENT GUY.

A LOWLY CIVIL SERVANT, IF YOU WILL.

BUT LET ME SAY THIS, AND I'M BEING CANDID HERE.

YOU ARE JUST THE KIND OF HERO THIS TOWN NEEDS.

WHY, SIR, YOU FLATTER ME.

REBELS ARE TERRORIZING US, MY FRIEND.

REBELS?

YOU DON'T SAY?

I DO SAY!

REAL TROUBLEMAKERS, TOO.

LOOK, THEY'RE THE ONES BEHIND ALL THEM ROBOT ATTACKS.

OH REALLY.

YOU KNOW, SON, I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE THE FACT

THAT YOUR BRITCHES IS TORN.

YEAH, AND IT'S ALL THE REBELS FAULT.

ALL RIGHT, YOU PUNKS, YOU WANT TO DANCE WITH ME,

I'M CALLING THE TUNE.

♪

THERE'S THEIR HIDEOUT, SON.

AH!

THIS IS TOO HORRIBLE.

SEE HOW THEY MASSACRED MY COCO BONGO.

DELIVERY, AND NONE OF THAT SLIDE IT UNDER THE DOOR STUFF EITHER

BECAUSE I NEED A SIGNATURE.

I'll BET IT'S THE DESIGNER FATIGUES I ORDERED.

MAYBE IT'S THE NEW WEAPONS CATALOG.

♪

THIS OUGHT TO STOP 'EM.

IT'S NOT HARD TO GET YOUR MAN WITH MUCUS IN A CAN, EH.

EW!

WELL, SPIT IN MY EYE AND CALL IT CHRISTMAS,

YOU DID IT, SON.

WE MAKE A SWELL TEAM, YOU AND I.

WHY, TOGETHER, WE COULD FORGE A NEW FUTURE FOR EDGE CITY...

PUT A SOCK IN IT, JETHRO.

I'VE STILL GOT TO FIND THAT ROBOT THAT TRASHED MY TROUSERS.

BUT FIRST,

I'M GOING TO FIND ME SOME FUTURE BABES TO CHA-CHA WITH.

YOU HAVE YOURSELF A SLAM BANG GOOD TIME, SON.

YOU EARNED IT.

WELL, PULL OFF MY OVERALLS AND SEND ME HOME NAKED,

THIS IS WORKING OUT PERFECTLY, AIN'T IT, BOYS?

THE REBELS ARE OUT OF MY HAIR

AND I'M ABOUT TO GET ME THE ONE THING I'VE WANTED ALL ALONG.

MATCHING HANDKERCHIEFS?

NO.

THE WOODEN MASK.

ONCE I'VE GOT THAT, I'VE GOT COMPLETE AND TOTAL POWER.

NOW, GO AND FETCH IT FOR ME, BOYS.

AND I WANT YOU TO DESTROY THAT LOW LIFE CRITTER

THAT'S WEARING IT.

♪

SOMEBODY STOP ME!

HO HO HO, COME TO ME, MY LITTLE BRAN MUFFIN.

AH!

I AM NOT REAL, MERELY AN ARTIFICIALLY PROGRAMMED

THREE-DIMENSIONAL HOLOGRAM.

AND YOU ARE ONE FRESH GUY!

FEISTY!

PREPARE TO BE VAPORIZED.

WHY DON'T YOU RUST BUCKETS GET A LIFE?

AND SPEAKING OF RUST.

OXIDATION OF EXTREMITIES HAS OCCURRED.

RUST MALFUNCTION COMMENCING.

OH, MAYBE THE CREAKY OLD ROBOTS WANT SOME OIL.

YOU'RE TOO KIND.

I'M SEEING DOUBLE.

I HAVE GOT TO GET THESE BABIES CHECKED OUT WHEN I GET HOME.

WE ARE REPLICANT ROBOTS.

STRIKE US DOWN AND TWO TAKE OUR PLACE.

KIND OF LIKE THE ROACHES IN STANLEY'S APARTMENT, HMM?

THE TIME HAS COME TO... YES, YOU'RE RIGHT.

TO DO THE HIPPY DIPPY SHAKE.

COME ON, EVERYBODY.

LET'S GET NUTS!

HIPPY DIPPY SHAKE DOES NOT COMPUTE.

IT IS A DANCE OFTEN PERFORMED BY INTOXICATED HUMANS

AT WEDDING RITUALS.

♪ WELL, YOU RUB-A YOUR TUMMY LIKE IT'S GOT A BIG ACHE ♪

♪ GOT A BIG ACHE AND IT'S GOT A BIG ACHE ♪

ARRIBA, HA-HA-HA

♪ RUB-A YOUR TUMMY LIKE IT'S GOT A BIG ACHE ♪

♪ THEN SHAKE-A YOUR HIPS AND DO THE HIPPY DIPPY SHAKE ♪♪

HEY!

CUT OUT ALL THAT HIPPYING AND DIPPYING AND LET HIM HAVE IT.

LET ME HAVE WHAT?

OH, SOME OF KIND OF MEDAL FOR BRAVERY, I SUPPOSE, HMM?

HEY, WATCH IT.

HOT FOOT!

AND HOW DO YOU KNOW I WASN'T ENJOYING THAT?

IF YOU HAVEN'T FIGURED IT OUT ALREADY,

THAT GOVERNMENT GUY IS EVIL.

YOU BACKED THE WRONG SIDE.

I FEEL SO USED, SO TERRIBLY USED.

THANKS, I NEEDED THAT.

THAT, I DIDN'T NEED.

LOOK, THE GOVERNMENT GUY CONTROLS ALL THE ELECTRIC

AND NUCLEAR POWER IN EDGE CITY.

THE PEOPLE HAVE TO OBEY HIM OR THEY DON'T GET POWER.

AND WITHOUT POWER, THEY... HUH!

HUBBA HUBBA.

CHECK IT OUT.

THIS IS THE WALL OF HISTORY WHERE WE RECORDED THE PAST,

RIGHT?

MM-HMM.

ANYTHING ABOUT MY PANTS ON THERE?

THE CITIZENS LOST THEIR POWER

DURING THE GREAT THERMONUCLEAR SLIP-UP EONS AGO.

BUT THEN CHECK IT.

IT WAS MYSTERIOUSLY RESTORED

WHEN THE GOVERNMENT GUY GOT CONTROL, RIGHT?

BUT HE OUTLAWED EVERYTHING THAT WAS FUN,

LIKE PIZZA, DANCING, AND ACCESSORIZING.

WE WANT TO GET RID OF HIM SO WE CAN BE FREE AGAIN.

BUT WE NEEDED A HERO TO HELP US AND THEN YOU SHOWED UP.

YES, I DID.

YOU'RE GETTING SOFT.

DO IT AGAIN.

OW.

GO ON, HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT,

YOU MALODOROUS MOUNTAINS OF TIN.

YOU CAN'T HARM... ME.

NO WONDER THAT GOVERNMENT GUY WANTS US REBELS OUT OF HERE.

LOOK!

EDGE CITY'S POWER SOURCE

IS RIGHT HERE UNDER THE COCO BONGO'S DANCE FLOOR.

IT'S MY MASK.

BUT I'M WEARING MY MASK.

THAT IS NOT MY MASK.

CAN I BE SURE?

I'M LIKE HAVING A TOTAL IDENTITY CRISIS, OKAY?

THIS MASK WILL GIVE US REBELS

THE POWER WE NEED TO SET EDGE CITY FREE.

HOLD THE PHONE, LITTLE MISSY.

I WOULDN'T DO THAT IF I WERE YOU.

THAT LITTLE NIPPER'S RADIOACTIVE

FROM THE THERMONUCLEAR INCIDENT A WAYS BACK.

IT'S BEEN POWERING THE CITY JUST FINE.

BUT NOBODY CAN WEAR IT.

THAT'S WHY I WANT YOUR MASK, FELLA.

WHEN I GET IT, I'll HAVE THE ONE THING MISSING FROM MY LIFE...

A DECORATIVE OBJET D'ART?

NO, YOU TELEPHONE POLE, I'll HAVE REAL STRENGTH.

I'VE ALWAYS BEEN KIND OF FRAIL.

YA, YOU'RE A REAL GIRLY MAN, ALL RIGHT.

YOUR ARMS ARE LIKE WET NOODLES, SO SOFT AND SKINNY.

WHOA THERE.

NOW, THOSE ARE SOME NASTY-LOOKING CHOPPERS

YOU'VE GOT THERE, JUNIOR.

GOOD THINK YOU CAME TO SEE ME.

OKAY, RINSE AND SPIT.

REAL CUTE, GREEN BOY.

BUT I RECKON IT'S ABOUT TIME FOR YOU

TO RENEW AN OLD ACQUAINTANCE.

WELL, IF IT ISN'T THE TROUSER TRASHER HIMSELF.

HEY, GUESS WHAT, SPARKY?

I'VE GOT A KNUCKLE SANDWICH WITH YOUR NAME ON IT.

HEE-HA-HA-HA.

THIS HERE'S THE NEW IMPROVED MODEL PULVERIZER.

HE CAN UNSCREW YOUR HEAD LIKE A JAR OF BLACKBERRY JAM.

LID'S TOO TIGHT.

WELL, POKE ME IN THE NOSE AND CROSS MY EYES,

I'VE FINALLY GOT MY PRIZE.

OH GOODY, I'VE GOT HIS HEAD.

AND I'VE GOT YOUR NOSE.

PSYCH.

AH YES, THE OLD BALLOON HEAD SWITCHEROO TRICK.

HA-HA-HA-HA-HA.

PREPARE TO BE TERMINATED.

♪

OH, JUST GREAT.

YOU'VE DISCONNECTED THE CITY'S WHOLE DANG POWER SUPPLY.

YOU SLIPPERY LITTLE GUTTERSNIPE!

SWITCH TO INFRARED AND BLAST THE STUFFING OUT OF THIS RASCAL.

OKIE DOKIE.

HERE YOU GO, VERY BECOMING.

ON YOU IT WORKS, BABE.

OH, YOU'RE A GLAMOR-DO.

FABULOUS.

OH, CHECK IT OUT.

SPINACH IN YOUR TEETH.

NO, GET AWAY.

IT'S RADIOACTIVE.

HOLD ON A MINUTE NOW.

HEY, IT'S MOLD.

JUST PLAIN OLD MOLD.

ICKY, BUT IT'S NOT RADIOACTIVE.

MUST'VE BEEN ALL THOSE YEARS IN THIS DAMP BASEMENT.

THE MASK IS MINE, IT'S MINE.

AND I'M GOING TO WEAR IT.

PLEASE, THINK, MAN.

YOU CAN'T USE TWO MASKS AT ONCE.

THE UNIVERSE WILL IMPLODE.

DIMENSIONAL RIFTS WILL OPEN.

BESIDES, I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONLY MASK.

IT'S NOT FAIR.

IT'S NOT, IT'S NOT, IT'S NOT.

TOUGH TURKEY.

LOOK AT ME, I'M A BIG BRUISER AND I'M STRONGER THAN YOU.

I'M A NEW MAN WITH NEW POWER.

YES, BUT THAT NEW MAN HAS HIS NEEDS TOO.

AND FOR HIM WE HAVE A COMPLIMENTARY MAKEOVER.

HEY.

GOING UP, YOU SAY?

WHY, CERTAINLY.

GIVE THAT MAN A STUFFED GIRAFFE.

YOU THINK YOU'RE STRONG, HOW'S THIS FOR STRONG?

♪

I BELIEVE YOU USED TO CALL THIS A DISCUS.

UH-HUH.

AND THIS IS WHAT WE USED TO CALL A BOOMERANG.

I'M GOING TO FINISH THIS GUY OFF ONCE AND FOR ALL.

BUT FIRST, CHOWTIME.

NO POWER, NO PROBLEM.

LUCKILY, I ALWAYS CARRY JUMPER CABLES

FOR JUST SUCH AN EMERGENCY.

YOU THINK EATING A LITTLE SNACK IS GOING TO MAKE

YOU STRONGER THAN ME?

GOOD POINT.

YOU SHOULD HAVE A LITTLE SNACKAGE, TOO.

LET'S HAVE SOME MUSTARD, NATE.

AND LOTS OF IT!

WOO HOO, MUSTARD BOY!

I'M ABOUT TO KETCHUP WITH YOU.

OKAY, THAT'S IT.

I'M NOT WASTING ANY MORE TIME ON THIS JERK.

YOU KNOW, YOU MIGHT HAVE A LOT OF FANCY GIZMOS IN THE FUTURE,

BUT I'll TAKE 20TH-CENTURY TECHNOLOGY ANY DAY.

NO, NOT THAT.

NO!

OH, NO!

METHINKS THERE'S ONLY ROOM FOR ONE OF US

IN THIS TIME PERIOD OR ANY OTHER.

♪

WAY TO GO, 20TH-CENTURY MAN.

YOU'RE OUR HERO, DUDE.

BUT, HOW WILL THE CITY RUN

WITHOUT THE WOODEN MASK TO PROVIDE POWER?

HMM.

WELL, LOOKY HERE.

YOU GUYS HAD THE POWER ALL ALONG.

NOW, JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES AND REPEAT.

THERE'S NOBODY LIKE THE MASK.

COME ON ALREADY, I DON'T HAVE ALL NIGHT.

HEY, NICE HEM WORK, BETSY ROSS.

I'VE GOT MY PANTS, NOW I'M READY TO DANCE.

SO, HIT IT!

♪

OKAY, PICK IT UP IN THE BACK, PEOPLE.

HIPS OUT, KNEES LEFT, CHIN UP.

WE'RE GOING TO DO THIS ALL NIGHT 'TIL YOU GET IT RIGHT.

♪

SMOKIN'!

♪