Original subtitles

[yelling]

♪ I got ya with my winning smile ♪

♪ I'm a living lesson in flair and style ♪

♪ You just can't help but stare at my savoir-faire ♪

♪ I'm Nouveau, Deco, Roman-Greco ♪

♪ Rococo, Barroco ♪

♪ Be-bop, hip-hop, flip-flop ♪

Somebody stop me!

♪ Pretty viridian faces like mine ♪

Don't come a dime a dozen, I stand out of the crowd!

♪ Babe, when they made me Yeah, they broke the mold! ♪

Wholesome and kind, staid and refined. Totally out of my mind!

♪ Arch-villains and ne'er-do-wells ♪

♪ Had better learn to decorate prison cells ♪

Green goes with anything if they ask, see?

♪ Well, there's one last thing I gotta sing about ♪

Open up wide and really shout!

Whoa, look out!

♪ This is the Mask! ♪♪

Smokin'!

My fellow citizens, this is a historic day.

Not only are we opening up the newly renovated section

of downtown Edge City, but arriving any second now

will be our most honored and very special guest...

[stammering]

Yes, yes, it's him!

I give you, the President of the United States!

[crowd cheering]

Thank you, thank you very much.

Mr. President, welcome to Edge City.

A true flash to the bluffin' it.

I mean, a true bastion of fluffiness.

[laughing] Well, I'm as pleased as a peach

to be here, Tilton. Now, let's see

this new downtown of yours. I've got a schedule to keep.

Tax dollars paid for the renovation, Mr. President.

But now we're painfully short on funds, you know...

[President]: Well, I'm sure we can work something out,

provided I can count on your support come Election Day, huh?

Avast, ye maties! We sail with the tide.

[chuckling]

Be free, me barnacle-loving boyos.

Back to the briny deep with you.

[man]: Nobody liberates lobsters in my town

and gets away with it.

[grunting] I got one, Lieutenant.

Quick, get some butter.

- [clicking] - [shouting]

[muffled] Get it off of me, Doyle!

Come here, buddy.

[both struggling]

[laughing] Aye!

A hard night of lobster saving

always gives me a hankering...

for a crab taco from Murray's Taco Hutch.

[President]: So, with a sizable contribution

to my campaign fund, I'm sure I can arrange

some more government dollars for your renovation work.

[rumbling]

It's gonna hit my Taco Hutch!

[both gasping]

OK, buddy, don't move.

Hold on there, Greenfield.

Let this young man go.

But, sir, this guy could be some sort of wacko.

[Lieutenant]: Yeah, he's worse than that.

He's a menace!

I beg to differ.

This young man saved my life.

He's a national hero.

I'm a hero, you're a zero. Hey, Murray!

One triple crab taco, por favor.

Son, I'd like to award you this Congressional Medal of Honor

in recognition of your act of bravery.

[female voice] Oh, I'll treasure this for the rest of my life.

Here you go, Murray. Keep the change.

Young man, I want you to come to work for me

as a Secret Service agent.

[clears throat] Sorry, Prezo pal,

but work isn't part of my vocabulary.

See, I'm what you call a member of the leisure class.

Member of the criminal class is more like it.

Don't sell yourself short, son.

You're the type of brash young upstart

this country needs. You owe it to the nation

to give them your best.

[Mask] My fellow members of Congress,

today's first order of business is...

everybody conga!

♪ Democrats, you go right here ♪

♪ Republicans, you go right here ♪

♪ Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh ♪

How'd you like to be my First Lady?

And you can be my second, and you can be my third.

Yeah, I can hang with that.

I mean, since the country needs me and all.

Thatta boy!

[cheering]

That guy's got troublemaker written all over him.

You got that right.

But don't worry, I'll help you get rid of...

- [creaking] - [all shouting]

Lieutenant, did you want mild or hot?

Lieutenant?

[grunts]

Mmm.

I've been ordered to give you your first Secret Service assignment.

[Scottish accent] Doubtless I'll be going after

that notorious criminal, Goldpinkie.

Remember, G, I like my sodas shaken, not stirred.

Tonight, you're on parking detail.

What? No political intrigue?

No super villains?

Bummer, man.

[engine starting]

[tires screech]

Well, that was easy enough.

Now, to crash the bash!

[man] So I told them I wouldn't put up with that.

[indistinct chatter]

[man] I couldn't believe what he said.

Good evening, everyone.

Now that we've gotten the formalities out of the way,

let's chow down!

Excuse me there, bunkie,

do you mind if I cut in?

Do you no know who I am?

Presidente Sammy de Coca,

dictator of the Plantain Republic.

No one but no one cuts in on me.

Fine. Then I'll just take this last deviled egg.

No! I had dibs.

Give it back at once.

You want it? You got it.

Oh, you capitalistic cow!

[sputtering]

So much for diplomacy.

- Oh! - [man] Vanderbilt!

Oh, I never! Oh!

[chatting]

- [all gasping] - [man 2] My eye!

[indistinct chatter]

I knew that green-headed punk was trouble.

It's the end of the buffet line for you, pal.

Ho, ho! Not so fast, knave.

My rapier drumstick shall hold you at bay.

I see London, I see France,

I see stinky underpants.

- [ripping] - [all laughing]

What's that, you say? Pass the dip?

Certainly.

And here's a little punch to wash it all down.

Feels so good to look so bad.

Young man, your days with the Secret Service are over.

[panting] Yeah.

I'm glad you've finally come to your senses, Mr. President.

You made my party a smashing success.

I don't know when I've had so much fun.

I want you to be my personal aide from now on.

[Mask] Capital idea, old boy.

[laughing]

I just loved it when you threw that torte at Mrs. Beavish.

I laughed so hard, yogurt came out my nose.

[Mask laughing] Oh, Greenfield,

bring the white limo around, won't you? Me and the Prez

are going out for some chili fries and pork rinds.

[grumbling]

[gasping]

And what a gorgeous day it's turned out to be

for the opening game of the football season.

And of course, the President is on hand

to throw out the first ball.

Son, how'd you like to throw out the first ball for me?

Why, hoppin' howdy hamcakes.

Would I ever!

[grunting]

Well, golly, I guess I don't know my own strength.

[Greenfield] That's it.

I've had it up to here with that green-faced freak.

But Chief, the President loves the guy.

Which is why I'm putting him on 24 hour surveillance.

I know he's up to no good,

and I'm gonna catch him red-handed.

- [phone ringing] - Ye-llo?

This is Presidente Sammy de Coca,

of the Plantain Republic.

Porky! How you doing, buddy?

Porky? Do not call me Porky!

I am demanding an apology for the culinary insults

I endured the other night!

[radio announcer] And the first lucky listener to call in

will get free concert tickets to see Sam Luis Obispo

and his fabulous Irish Jawtaw Band.

Sorry, pudge buddy, but something big's come up.

[dial tone]

[dialing buttons]

Yes, indeed.

A little phone tap on Mr. Mask

should give me the evidence I need.

[announcer] Congratulations, music fan,

you've just won yourself some free tickets!

Oh, yes!

Daddy's steppin' out tonight!

Rats! I think I've got a loose wire.

So, I guess you'll be wanting my address.

- OK, it's a big white house on Pennsly... - [phone clicks]

Sorry, I'm having some trouble hearing you.

Oh, looks like we got disconnected.

Guess we'll just have to go on to another lucky caller.

[screaming] No!

[panting]

Messing with my wires?

That gets me... moderately peeved.

Bet you thought I was gonna say "steamed", didn't you?

[yelling]

[grunts]

- [straining] - [President] Ah, my favorite assistant.

Thanks for sitting in and taking my calls today.

No-no problemo, Big P.

Now, if you don't mind I need to order

some more doggie biscuits for little Poopsie here.

[grunts]

[screaming]

Greenfield! It's the patrol for you.

Oh, no. Please, sir.

Not that.

Puppy patrol is so humiliating.

[barking]

Cut it out, you dumb dog, it's only a...

[shouts]

[groaning]

The Washington Monument.

It's majestic. It's noble.

It's gotta go.

He's up to something, all right.

[Mask] Stand back, everyone.

Progress on the move.

[screaming]

[indistinct chatter]

You destroyed the Washington Monument!

Had to, kids.

It was blocking the view of my new floating nightclub.

[all cheering]

[reporter] Mr. President, how would you characterize

the first three years of your administration?

[whispering] I think you should say it was smokin'.

Smokin'!

- [applause] - Good answer.

He's got total confidence in his agenda.

What do you say to the other politicians

who are trying to run you out of office?

[whispering] Definitely you should be doing this.

Somebody stop me.

Somebody stop me!

[reporter] Very good. Excellent.

[reporter 2] He's really standing up for his beliefs.

[reporter 3] He won't be bullied, and good sound bite.

I can't take it, Doyle.

That psycho has got to be stopped.

Oh, gee, Lieutenant, I thought you voted for him.

I'm talking about the Mask, you idiot!

[shouting]

Mr. President,

why was the Washington Monument demolished?

Uh, well, uh, I... [whispering]

It was blocking my view.

[chatter]

That was brilliant.

He's saying out with the old and in with the new.

Finally, a true visionary.

[all chattering]

[all chanting] Four more years!

Four more years! Four more years!

Mr. President, I just received this fax

from Lieutenant Kellaway in Edge City.

All previous offenses that the Mask has committed.

Hundreds of unlicensed wedgies,

felonious transport of hamsters across state lines.

Sir, you have to do something.

Greenfield, you're absolutely right.

In fact, I've already taken action.

I've appointed the Mask my new Secretary of State.

According to a recent poll, my popularity has soared

- since he's been at my side. - [gasping]

Now I can take a much needed vacation

and leave him in charge.

But first...

my buddy and I are gonna play a round of golf.

[both] Smokin'!

[growling]

Yeah, here you go there, Greenfield.

Duty calls.

And make sure you use the pooper-scooper this time.

[shaking]

[growling]

- [biting] - [Greenfield screams]

Hmm, my first day as acting President.

What should I do first?

Balance the budget, develop alternate fuel sources,

go to the theater.

No! Scratch that idea.

Sammy de Coca waits for no one!

El muchacho muy grande. How've you been?

Now you simply must tell me

every little thing that's been going on.

I am demanding an apology for the humiliation you gave me

at the White House ball.

An apology? [sniffing]

You don't write. You don't call.

And now you want an apology?!

[sobbing]

I might as well not go on.

No, don't. Don't cry.

Don't cry for me. I am sorry.

I'll do better in the future.

[sniffs] Hold me.

Promise to visit more often?

Every Sunday.

[sobbing]

That's my little Porky.

I am not Porky!

I'm... big-boned!

Howdy, partner. Miss me?

Something stinks in here. Ta-da!

Just your typical head of state.

In honor of this momentous occasion,

I'd now like to present you with the Presidential Seal.

[shouting]

This means... war!

Closet.

Do you hear me? War!

War? Huh!

What could his puny little country

possibly do to hurt me?

[people screaming]

That's it.

No more Mr. Nicey-Nice.

[grunting]

Sink my nightclub, will he?

I'll show him swift American vengeance.

Ha, ha! Take that.

Nobody defaces my face.

Fire!

[Greenfield] Well, well, well.

So he started his own little war.

This news ought to end his career with a bang.

[boinging]

Whoa!

Oh!

Do not let him get away!

[shouting]

Ooh, that hurt!

[groaning]

You got me.

Ha! You are my prisoner.

Now you will have to apologize.

[coughing]

No, no. I can't.

You see, I feel... I feel...

I feel like dancing!

[grunting]

To the planes, men!

[panting]

Oh, these guys are fun and all,

but they are really...

starting to bug me!

[gasping]

I will take care of him myself!

Oh, sure, he's got a big tank.

But I've got something he doesn't.

But first, our adventure.

[slurping]

OK.

That's it. I'm for giving up.

[groaning]

[woman]: And due to the Plantain Republic's

recent military defeat, dictator Sammy de Coca

has just signed a long-awaited peace agreement.

Nice doing business with you, Porky.

I am not... Oh, never mind.

Son, I had to come back when I heard the news.

You're an international hero for getting that treaty signed.

I think it's about time I appointed you

to be my Vice President.

[Greenfield] Wait! I have irrefutable proof

that the Mask is no good.

So, if I give you this 10 million dollars,

you promise to support the truss and girdle lobby?

Well, I don't ordinarily, but, uh...

you bet your lederhosen, baby.

There it is. The Mask taking a bribe.

But I thought that's how you politicians got paid.

Well, it is, son, but we don't like to talk about it.

And getting caught is a huge no-no!

If this scandalous information gets out,

- your popularity will plummet. - You're right, Greenfield.

I'm afraid you'll have to resign immediately.

My fellow Americans,

as I say farewell, I do so with a heavy heart.

[groaning]

Ah. Well, that's a little better.

And I want you all to know one thing,

I am not a crook.

Well, OK, maybe a little bit of a crook.

So, without any fanfare, I'll take my leave.

- [all sobbing] - I'll be going now.

But first...

Somebody stop me!

[laughing]