Original subtitles

[yelling]

♪ I got ya with my winning smile ♪

♪ I'm a living lesson in flair and style ♪

♪ You just can't help but stare at my savoir-faire ♪

♪ I'm Nouveau, Deco, Roman-Greco ♪

♪ Rococo, Barroco ♪

♪ Be-bop, hip-hop, flip-flop ♪

Somebody stop me!

♪ Pretty viridian faces like mine ♪

Don't come a dime a dozen, I stand out of the crowd!

♪ Babe when they made me Yeah they broke the mold! ♪

Wholesome and kind, staid and refined, totally out of my mind!

♪ Arch-villains and ne'er-do-wells ♪

♪ Had better learn to decorate prison cells ♪

Green goes with anything if they ask, see?

♪ Well there's one last thing I gotta sing about ♪

Open up wide and really shout!

Whoa, look out!

♪ This is the Mask! ♪♪

Smokin'!

[men arguing]

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

[laughing]

Speaking of dough, time to rise and shine!

With Chef Mask's fast-rising yeast!

- Ooh! - [both] Ooh!

Now that's what I call "fluffy buns."

[laughs]

Oh, honey, I'm home!

Fear not, my petites,

you are now safe with me.

Liberated from those oppressive, snooty bakers.

[knocking]

[Mrs. Peenman] Ipkiss! I want a word with you!

[gasps] Sacre bleu! We have been discovered!

We should hide! We should run!

We should... Let Stanley deal with this.

[grunting]

Huh?

Not again!

Ugh, only a pig'll be able to eat all this.

[belches]

[Stanley sighs]

[Mrs. Peenman] Ipkiss! Open up! I know you're in there!

[mumbling indistinctly]

Hello, Mrs. Peenman.

Ipkiss, we have strict rules

against harboring illegal immigrants here.

Illegal immigrants?

Don't you play dumb with me!

I heard French being spoken in there.

French? Oh, yes! Oh, yes! That was the TV!

You see, there's a Marcel Marseau movie marathon on and,

[chuckles] sue me, I had the volume up too loud.

[chuckles]

Then what about all these French pastries!

[stammering] I'm having a bake sale. Yeah, see?

Here, have a pie. [yells]

Ugh!

That's it! I'm calling the immigration cops!

Whew! That should do it.

As we go downtown, where Mayor Tilton

is ready to cut the ribbon at the opening of.

Edge City's new mega mall.

Yes, the new mega mall has it all!

It has 15 ice rinks, 167 theaters,

21 opera houses and 1,230...

Boy, Milo, I tell you, buddy,

I would hate to be at that mall today.

I mean fighting that sweaty, shoving opening-day crowd. Ugh!

Not this boy.

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Stanley, my man. Charlie here.

Listen, buddy, I need you to run downtown.

Our new branch over at the mega mall

is having trouble opening its vault.

But... you're the bank manager.

I mean, that's your job.

Right, right, and normally I'd do it,

but, well, I've got a big date tonight, and, well...

I'm getting my back waxed.

- [tearing] - [screams]

[crowd chattering]

[man] I can't wait to shop.

Oh, yeah, this place is something, all right.

Ooh.

[man] I can't wait to shop.

[chattering]

How am I gonna find the bank?

[announcer] Attention, shoppers.

Shoelace City is now having a two-for-one sale.

[yelling]

[grunts]

You, my friend, are way out of shape.

Time to get you into one of these babies.

Our new combination treadmill, muscle massager

and cappuccino maker.

But look, I really don't have the...

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Now let's lube those tired, achy muscles with a little massage.

Hey, ow! Ow! It doesn't bend that way!

Wow, the cappuccino's ready.

[breathing heavily] Thanks. I could really...

Uh, uh, uh.

This is for me.

You're in no shape to drink cappuccino, dude.

[beeping]

Hey! Sorry, but you can't park here!

This is a loading zone!

[engines revving]

[yelling]

[panting]

OK, I'm here to open the...

- We want our money! - [shouting]

Well, well, look at all the happy shoppers.

Clear out the place, mates!

I'd do it myself,

but my trick knee's acting up again.

OK, let's see.

Left 36, right 27... no 28.

Carry the four, add two...

[whooping]

[screaming]

Turn both handles counterclockwise

and press the keypad with your elbow

while holding down the pound key and...

Voila! It's...

not opening.

You stupid vault!

[chattering]

Play your cards right and nobody gets hurt.

Huh?

[beeping]

OK, boss,

we're in and everything is going according to plan.

Excellent, Pete, I'm on my way.

Eh, eh, eh. Naughty, naughty.

We don't want to alarm nobody, now do we, mate?

[laughs]

The watches, too!

And don't forget any spare change you might have.

Come on, I gotta stall these guys until the police get here.

Say, fellas! Hi!

Have you guys heard about our Christmas club?

It is never too early to start saving, you know.

Here, now, what's all this about?

They wants us to join the Christmas club.

Oh, he does, does he?

[laughs]

[all laughing]

I don't think so!

[gulps]

You'll get a free toaster if you do.

[laughing]

Blimey! Sign me up!

Fill out six of these, this one in triplicate,

I'll need a co-signer on this one,

and two forms of ID plus... copies.

Nice try, little man.

Distract my men again, and I'll rip out your spleen.

Into the vault, you imbeciles.

[chattering]

You'll never get away with this, you know.

Let me tell you something, buster,

this mall has the tightest security in town.

Oh, yeah, security's tight all right.

Tied up real tight.

[guard grunting]

[alarm beeping]

Boss, the whole place has been shut down.

Nobody's getting in or out!

So, you were saying about security?

Well, since no one's getting in or out,

that makes you all my hostages.

And if my demands aren't met,

the hostages get wasted.

[gulps]

You know, a hostage is a terrible thing to waste.

Move them out into the atrium where it's nice and cozy.

I've got special plans for you.

[siren wailing]

The whole place is locked up tight as a drum.

We got a situation here, Doyle.

So how come we're the only ones here, lieutenant?

All of the units are on a city-wide manhunt

for whoever ransacked the Bastille Bakery this morning.

Boy, I sure hope they catch that guy.

That's the department's favorite doughnut shop.

I tell you, Doyle, there's a lot of sick puppies in this town.

Now? Am I on? OK.

People of Edge City,

I and several others are being held hostage

in the new mega mall.

[whines]

Our captors demand that a helicopter be delivered

on the roof within the hour

so they can make their getaway.

If these demands aren't met,

they're going to start...

w-w-wasting the hostages.

Ipkiss, I shoulda known this was an inside job.

So at a time like this,

there is no reason to mask our fears, hmm?

Oh.

I hope we can bring this mask-querade to an end soon.

[growling]

[panting]

With this money, I'll be able to finance our next big crime.

Here's your share, boys.

Spend it well.

Now I can get my moped repainted!

Oh, I'm getting myself a lovely spiked helmet!

I'm going to get a new tattoo.

Yeah, I'm gonna open up me a Victorian bed and breakfast

in the country, I am.

And plant me some wild flowers along the road,

and take the used petals and make potpourri and...

Eh, why is everyone looking at me?

[shouting]

[whining]

[panting]

[whines]

[growling]

[growls]

[groaning]

Come on, I gotta be able to get the police on this stuff.

Uh, hello?

Can anybody hear me?

Hmm, June? May! Mayday! Mayday!

[static]

Help, police! Uh, 10-4, good buddy!

Is anybody there?

Ipkiss, what are you up to?

Kellaway, listen, listen...

Lonnie the Shark has just taken over the mall.

You don't fool me, Ipkiss.

I saw that statement you read on TV.

You're in cahoots with the crooks.

No! They made me read that.

The hostages are being held in the atrium, OK?

Lonnie the Shark and his thugs are responsible.

Get him now!

They're big and they're ugly,

and they smell bad, kinda like stinky old sweatsocks

filled with day-old salami.

It is the worst smell...

[chuckles nervously]

Uh, you know,

sweatsocks and salami are two of the most beloved smells in the world.

You know, honest.

Uh, you know, I already had my workout today,

so it's not really a thing...

Come, come, you really must learn to push yourself harder, my boy.

[laughing]

[panting] Milo, where are you?

[growling]

Oh!

[panting]

[panting heavily]

[laughing]

[chattering]

Oh!

OK, you lowlifes,

we're agreeing to your demands.

The chopper will be on the roof in 20 minutes.

Excellent, lieutenant. Excellent.

They're gonna get their chopper all right,

but we'll be on the rooftop to bust them when they do.

Ugh, I'm feeling kinda nauseous, lieutenant.

[belches] I think I may have had too many doughnuts.

[stammers, yells]

- [grunts] - Ow!

You see that green face, Doyle?

First Ipkiss, now the Mask.

They're both in on it.

Gee, lieutenant,

I don't remember the Mask having a tail.

[belches]

You don't have a barf bag on you, do you?

[retches]

Doyle!

[panting]

Milo! Oh, good boy!

Oh, this could be bad.

Oh, come on, boy. Here, Milo!

Now, aren't you the mangiest mutts I've ever seen.

[laughs]

[growling]

[barking]

You smelly little fleabags!

[laughs]

Ow! Keep away from me, you scary dog.

[yells]

Blimey!

[grunt]

[stammering] There's a monster dog after me.

[panting]

You're in for some severe discipline

when this caper is over, Pete.

Give Poppa some ointment,

'cause he can really feel the burn today!

Gets that bloke!

He'll ruin everything!

I'd do it myself, but this bloomin' psoriasis

has chapped me hand something awful.

Guten Tag, lovely day for a skate, ya!

[yells, grunts]

Young fella, you need to be taught a lesson.

But first!

Martian Kung-fu Kickboxer Part Two?

You know, part one was like my favorite flick of all time.

Donnie!

There's this green-faced bloke out to get me.

Just like that monster dog you saw earlier?

Now, gather the men, our chopper has landed.

Hurry it up, Doyle!

[grunting]

[screaming]

What's all that racket!

It's not nice to mess with Mr. Mask's movie-going experience.

- [bell dings] - Going down?

Going down?

[all yelling]

Ground floor: Laundry World, Hall of Cheese,

and the International House of Velcro.

Speaking of which... [yelling]

[grunt]

[laughing] Why don't you boys hang out a little, huh?

I'll be back in a jiff.

[crying]

I just love a happy ending.

I wish my buddies were here.

Hey, they were supposed to stick around.

[engine revving]

Ram him good, maties!

Thanks for the lift.

Drop me off at the big-screen TV store, will ya?

[tires screech]

[Pete] OK, tough guy!

Now you're gonna get electri-fried.

[crackling]

[dogs barking]

Hey, hey! Get back, you rotten mongrels!

[screams]

Make guacamole out of that green-faced punk.

All right, Biff, Muffy and Brad,

hot tub time!

What you fellas need is a helping of...

Grandpa Mask's Instant Ice Flakes.

Cold and icy makes it twice as nicey.

[shivering]

[Kellaway] All right, freeze!

Um, I think they're already froze, lieutenant.

[dispatcher] Attention, all units!

Hey, guess what?

Our guys are closing in on the bakery thief from this morning.

Uh-oh, better go hide the evidence.

I may have caught Loni the Shark,

but the real mastermind, the Mask, got away.

Not to mention that wimp... Stanley Ipkiss!

I tell ya, he's harboring illegal Frenchmen in his apartment,

and I want him busted!

Hold on a minute.

A croissant? Well, who lives here anyway?

I do, but Ipkiss lives over... [screams]

So you're the one that burgled the Bastille Bakery.

No, I tell you, it's Ipkiss!

Will you just wait a second?

Read my lips!

Don't you... Don't you touch me!

[French accent] Somebody stop me!

No?