Original subtitles

[theme music]

♪ I got ya with my winnin' smile ♪

♪ I'm a livin' lesson in flair and style ♪

♪ You just can't help but stare at my savoir-faire! ♪

♪ And I'm Nouveau Deco Roman-Greco Rococo Barroco ♪

♪ Be-bop, hip-hop, flip-flop! ♪

♪ Somebody stop me! ♪

♪ Pretty Viridian faces like mine ♪

♪ Don't come a dime a dozen ♪

♪ I stand out of the crowd ♪

♪ Babe when they made me yeah, they broke the mold ♪

♪ Wholesome and kind, staid and refined ♪

♪ Totally out of my mind ♪

♪ Arch-Villains and ne'er do wells ♪

♪ Had better learn to decorate prison cells ♪

♪ Green goes with anything if they ask, see ♪

♪ Well there's one last thing I gotta sing about ♪

♪ Open up wide and really shout ♪

♪ Oh look out ♪

♪ This is The Mask ♪

♪ Smo-okin' ♪♪

[theme music]

[engines revving]

[tires screeching]

Smokin-n'.

Screech You see him, Doyle?

[grunting]

I can't see anything through this here wedgie, lieutenant.

Welcome to the club.

He's got me going through three new pair a week.

Underwear is not cheap.

[police siren blaring]

Where's the fire, pal?

If this continues I'm gonna pull your underwear over your head.

[laughing]

[grunting]

[tires screeching]

Ah, he's mine!

Hmm, unseasonable weather we're having, eh?

Boing Yes, much better.

[engine revving]

Thud

[lieutenant] You are in violation of the law.

Pull your vehicle over now.

[tires screeching]

Our deflector shields are down, captain.

I do not think she'll hold.

Prepare for warp drive.

Zap

[whooshing]

Poof

[grunting]

We lost him, lieutenant.

He's gotta come down sometime.

And when he does I think we know where to find him.

[beeping]

Agent X, sir.

Our bases in the gulf, frozen tundra and Andromeda strain

have picked up a signal of an unidentified flying object.

Snap Crosby, get me close contact

high resolution photos of the object.

'Done, sir.'

[beeping]

[Agent X] 'Object has green skin.'

'Imagine, just like in the funny papers.'

[Crosby] 'It must be of extra terrestrial origin, sir.'

This could be a matter of cosmic significance.

Not to mention national security.

Crosby, initiate level A surveillance.

We'll cling to that ET tighter

than a wood tick clings to your face.

Done sir.

[beeping]

[whooshing]

Ejector seat, engage.

Thud

thud Deluxe features, gotta love 'em.

Thud.

Ahoy.

Hey, hey, home sweet home.

[Crosby] 'Enhanced graphics engaged, Agent X.'

[beeping]

I need data on its co-ordinates?

[beeping]

Edge City.

Edge City?

But has it come to save us?

Or destroy us?

Hmm, the Mask had another field day

with the authorities last night.

And I gotta tell ya, I'm worried, Milo.

They could be onto us.

Agent X sir, I have the subject under surveillance

in the designated location.

'But he seems entirely human.'

[Agent X] 'Don't let his appearance deceive you.'

The alien is obviously capable

of assuming alternative likenesses.

[yawning]

[instrumental music]

Hmm, you are right, Milo.

I've got to chill out.

[dramatic music]

Whoosh.

Agent X, my receivers are picking up audio transmissions.

'I'll dial you in.'

[music continues]

Buzz buzz buzz.

Phase one of my mission is complete.

I have assumed humanoid form.

'I will now annihilate the earth creatures'

'and pave the way for a total conquest of the planet.'

[Lizard Man laughing on TV]

Red alert, men.

We're going in for a pre-emptive strike.

Thud It's the next floor!

[instrumental music]

Oh!

- You some kind of a nut? - Federal agent, this is a raid.

ECPD, this is a stake out.

I'm with the government and I've got carte blanche.

Not in Edge City, this is my jurisdiction.

You're outta your league, flat foot.

In there is an alien bent on world domination.

Alien? He's a common criminal.

Where'd you get your training? The twilight zone.

You're interfering with a government operation brick head.

You're trying to steal my collar, glory guy.

[grunting]

Back off, or I'll tear you apart faster

than a rabid monkey in a banana tree.

Calm down, G-man. Or I'll chew you up

like a piranha and spit you out like an unwanted hair.

Hey, sharp suit.

Hey, how does that work when you have to go..

You know?

Chomp chomp chomp I couldn't let them..

Hurt you, Loris.

[Loris screaming on TV]

[newscaster on TV] 'WEDG TV news, with an urgent flash.'

A mutant with putty like super powers escaped

from the state pen last night.

[chuckling]

Oh, yeah, he's also accompanied by a big fish.

[laughing]

Milo, that's no ordinary big fish, that's Fish Guy.

And, and Putty Thing.

The terrible two.

Oh, man, I gotta do something.

[whimpering]

Right, right, Milo.

Good boy. Chill out, chill out.

[newscaster on TV] 'In other news, police are still seeking the Mask'

'for another and a series of public humiliations.'

On second thought, a little do-good-ing might..

You know kind of offset some bad perhaps.

[thundering]

Let's do it, team.

Woo, woo, woo, woo.

[both howling]

Wah wah wah wah wah Break!

Moron, you watch it.

- Freeze! - Freeze.

You freeze.

[whimpering]

He's, gone.

Nice work, Agent Skywalker.

Canines, clean.

You took the sting out of my sting.

No you took the guts outta my operation.

[indistinct arguing]

Ha, check it out, dude.

Cheese pork rinds.

Hey, grab me some deodorant man.

Spray only.

Dude, how are we gonna pay for this?

I mean, we don't have any, you know, money.

[man on radio] This's just in.

'The prison escapee with putty like super powers'

was last seen in the desert.

'He's considered extremely dangerous.'

'Oh, yeah, ha, ha, ha.'

'A big fish also escaped but has no powers'

'and is considered harmless.'

Uh, that's right.

We're criminals on the run, dude.

We'll just scarf the stuff and you know

knock over the place.

We're desperate criminals, so give us your dough.

Hey, you're them two fellas

escaped from penitentiary, ain't ya?

Can I have your autograph?

I already got Thelma and Louis Walter too.

Okay, right, okay.

To um.. Nowhere Mart guy..

Best wishes, um, Putty Thing.

Hey, how about me?

I don't want yours.

You got no powers and you smell like my feet.

That was a low munch, man.

Let's trash the place.

[clattering]

[explosions]

Ain't my place.

I just fill in for Zed on Tuesdays.

Generally I fish on weekends.

Thud.

Our work here is done, my partner in crime.

It's time to jam.

♪ We are Putty Thing and Fish Guy ♪

♪ We are the terrible two ♪

♪ Blip blip blip ah ♪

♪ Yeow ♪♪

[engine revving]

- Dak. - 'Eddie.'

Why'd you take that air freshener from the store?

[sniffing]

Ah, no reason.

You just keep dreamin' about the beach, oh, bud of mine.

'Cause you know what, when we get there

'it's gonna be tasty waves and babes galore.'

And no one, no one will ever make fun of you again.

[Fish Guy] Oh, rapturous.

Yeah, 'cause know what?

You'll be right there where you belong.

'And you can make friends with all the hermit crabs.'

You know what, it will be fun in the sun.

[tires screeching]

Slurp

boink ptooey You!

You're busted, dudes.

Well, if it isn't that bad news, greenhead guy

who put us in jail in the first place.

Let's mash him.

Dak, you're hurting me.

Oh, sorry, dude.

Sniff [alarm ringing]

You ever think of using a deodorant?

Yeah.

Try industrial strength.

[coughing]

Dak, he's making fun of me.

Strong enough for a fish but..

Slurp slurp.

No, no. No. This can't be happening.

Not to me. I'm the Mas..

[grunting]

Splat [Fish guy laughing]

That was awesome.

I didn't know I had such gnarly powers.

[laughing]

[screaming]

Psych. Psych.

[rumbling]

Thud thud thud thud.

Been under lot of stress, have we?

We'll have some more.

I see the whale.

No-o-o!

[helicopters whirring]

We must be real important.

We'll be slabs back in the pen.

[blowing whistle]

You can take it from here boys.

I softened them up for ya.

Zap zap [mumbling]

Ha, they busted the wrong guy.

[tires screeching]

[dramatic music]

[sizzling]

Clang.

Now we transport the alien to our underground installation

for laboratory experiments.

[talking gibberish]

Haven't tried a romance language.

[clears throat]

[speaking Spanish]

[speaking in Pig Latin]

It's no use trying to communicate.

The only language these aliens understand is fear.

Proceed with the experiments.

[engine whirring]

And now, I will do the box.

He's good but, what is he, some kind of clown?

Speed it up.

Its a new look, but I like it.

Does this thing get cable?

Bombarding him with gamma rays, X-rays, micro waves

and high intensity radiation

should produce interesting results.

[buzzing]

You know, this always happens

during the best part of the movie.

[male #2] 'Do not attempt to adjust your set.'

'We control everything you see and hear.'

He thinks this is a joke.

His alien body may be composed of electromagnetic particles.

Perhaps we should try altering his brain waves.

I like it. Do it.

Break him, break him.

Will the doctor see me now?

[buzzing]

My brain.

What are you doing to my brain?

[buzzing continues]

Groovy party, man. Got any doors?

Oh, you want to party? I'll give you a party

Mr. Annihilate- the-earth-creatures-

total-conquest-of-the-planet.

Where's the pulverizing switch?

I'm gonna vaporize this clown.

Thud I'm taking this clown into custody.

You're a federal dirt bag, polisher.

Save the smart remarks for your retired

astronaut's poker parties.

'Cause I got a warrant, Jackson.

Doyle, arrest this man.

Okey-doke..

Thud Seize him.

[grunting]

[indistinct arguing]

[grunting]

Take it up, take it outside here.

No brawling in the secret installation.

How'd you get out of the containment unit?

Oh, p-I-I-I-ease.

That old thing?

I only stuck around because you're as amusing

as old Lieutenant Kellaway here.

In fact you remind me of him.

No you remind me of him. No you remind me of him.

I don't think you'd ever rescue me.

I didn't come to rescue you.

I came to arrest you.

[laughing]

Now, you knuckle heads are so much fun.

Let's catch a movie or go bowling.

[grunting]

[indistinct arguing]

But first..

[instrumental music]

Oh, I'm cold.

- Dak. - Eddie.

Tell me about the hermit crabs again.

Stay with me, bud.

We're almost there.

Tasty waves remember?

Babes.

Hermit crabs.

[Putty Thing] 'Yeah, all you can eat.'

Dak.

Eddie.

[crying]

Your buds.

Hey, hey, that's okay.

Oh, lookie, see the bunny on the road?

[laughing]

Five points if you bag him good.

Oh, I don't know, he's pretty cute.

Okay, ten points.

Excellent. Let's rage.

[both laughing]

Hey, hey, hey, don't get upset folks.

We threw in the cute bunny for the cliffhanger effect.

I'm gonna save him.

But first..

[instrumental music]

Zip Didn't I tell you, I'd save it?

Did I?

That was a fast bunny.

Hmm, must have been some kind of a super bunny.

Dak.

That bunny has better powers than me.

Yo, Dexter, you wanna play chicken?

Bak bak bakak.

Oh, it's that green guy again.

Or may be the only driving game you guys know is.

Ah, Fish? Dak.

Oh, I'm gonna juke 'em.

Thud ting ting ting

buzz buzz buzz.

Congratulations.

You've just won your very own brand new.

Fish Wizard.

"It cuts, scales and flays everything you ever wanted

to do to a fish and more."

[sobbing]

[horn blaring]

[tires screeching]

Thud.

- Bummer. - Bummer.

Boys, if there's one thing I learnt in driving school

it's keep your eyes on the road.

[whistling]

Look, comics.

Cool. What's it about?

[laughing]

[Fish Guy laughing] Mondo-humorous.

Thud Somebody stop me.

[laughing]

Vroom.

You take the wheel, Eddie.

Oh, I'm gonna give him somethin' to laugh about.

Hey.

Oh, Dak.

I can't drive.

[tires screeching]

[whirring]

Sploosh.

Please, hold still.

[tires screeching]

[speaking in Japanese]

One moment, please.

Whoosh

[laughing]

Where'd you get your license, pal?

A box of gold fish food.

No, no, no more.

- We're there. - We're where?

Screech screech phat No!

[grunting]

[whirring]

I've gotta funny feeling about this.

Splash.

The eagle had landed.

[gurgling] Oh, Eddie.

Dak.

Something's happening to me.

You're in your element.

Get the green guy.

Dak, I can't swim.

[gurgling]

You're not only a lame mutant, you're a lame fish.

And you Mr. Amorphous.

You're polluting the environment.

Thud [coughing]

Oh, the salt water trashed my super putty powers.

Maybe, the beach wasn't such a rad idea after all.

Now, you're putty at my hands.

Had to say it.

[inhaling]

Nah. Might get warts.

[siren blaring]

- He's a common criminal. - He's an alien.

- Criminal. - Alien.

I however don't describe to either theory.

I think he's just misunderstood and what not.

According to the computer analysis of his tests

he's just some guy in a weird mask.

- Hmm, nah. - Hmm, nah.

- Criminal. - Alien.

Whoosh

whoosh.

Greetings, Earth creatures..

Give me a break.

I am an intergalactic security agent.

'Not unlike yourself.'

My true mission was to apprehend the villainous Earth mutants

and deliver them into your custody.

Only you could comprehend

the cosmic threat they posed.

And ensure their permanent captivity.

Ah, I'm, ah, sorry about the test-ing.

I did not know.

Ouch!

That is "no" in my quadrant eyes.

The twister.

Galactically speaking we are now even, Steven.

Farewell, my earth friends

and watch the skies.

Whoosh

[sobbing]

There is other life in the universe.

I told you, he was an alien.

He's a common..

Ah, forget it.

Alien, shmaliens.

Whoosh [screaming]

pat.

I told you to watch the skies.

Earth creature.

[laughing]

Whoosh [Agent X] I'll get you..

Mask!

[theme music]

[music continues]