Original subtitles

[theme music]

♪ I've got ya with my winnin' smile ♪

♪ I'm a livin' lesson in flair and style ♪

♪ You just can't help but stare at my savoir-faire ♪

♪ And I'm Nouveau Deco Roman Greco Rococo Boroco ♪

♪ Be Bop hip-hop flip-flop ♪

♪ Somebody stop me ♪

♪ Pretty viridian faces like mine ♪

♪ Don't come a dime a dozen ♪

♪ I stand out in the crowd ♪

♪ Babe when they made me ♪

♪ Yeah they broke the mold ♪

♪ Wholesome and kind staid and refined ♪

♪ Totally out of my mind ♪

♪ Arch villians and ne'er do wells ♪

♪ Had better learn to decorate prison cells ♪

♪ Green goes with anything if they ask see ♪

♪ Well there's one last thing I gotta sing about ♪

♪ Open up wide and really shout ♪

♪ Ohh look out ♪

♪ This is The Mask ♪

♪ Smo-okin' ♪♪

[thinking] You can do it, Stanley Ipkiss.

You can get your own dates.

- Care to.. - Dance?

Uh, delighted.

Pretorius.

Health and genetic makeup..

Excellent.

Are you some kind of doctor?

Beep beep Brain stem, larger than average.

You'll do.

Ah!

Oh, no.

Must use The Mask for good, after all.

Tush

whoosh whoosh Ah, do you come here often?

I have never been here.

But then, I've never sought a bride before.

His head. It's gone!

Woink.

Much better.

Bam thud

crack crack thud

[crowd screaming]

We'll be safe at my place.

I calculated the probability that you might be here tonight.

To interfere with my plan.

So, I came prepared to remove your mask.

Defense.

Trr grr grr.

Ha ha ha.

Ugh.

Mental note.

I'm not a crook.

[dramatic music]

Oh, my gosh.

Psych. Ha ha ha.

Oh, somebody stop me.

O-oh, ha ha ha.

Trr

pop

boom Smokin'.

Mental note.

Construct new robot body.

[Instrumental music]

Mask, your powers are bizarre, unpredictable

and beyond the realm of science.

And if you were a woman, I would marry you.

Vroom Yaah! Agh!

[Stanley] 'Another night at the Coco-Bongo without meeting anyone.'

Haven't been on a date in three years?

Your only companion a dog?

Call Desperate Loners Video Dating Service.

No, no, I'm not that desperate.

The comet Sebo will pass within 50,000 miles of the earth

becoming visible to star gazers everywhere.

Let's take a look, Milo.

This is a once in a life time experience.

I wish I had someone special to watch it with.

[whimpering]

[Pretorius] 'It approaches.'

And with it the realization of my scheme.

But first there is a detail yet to be worked out.

I'm still in search of..

The perfect bride.

[automated voice]

[female #1] 'Haven't been on a date for three years?'

Call The Desperate Loners Video Dating service.

[Stanley] 'Well, I'm picky, Charlie.'

I won't go out with just anyone, like you.

Excuse me, I'm very picky.

I only go out with good-looking blondes.

Well, my perfect woman is someone soft spoken.

'You know, someone who doesn't need to dress fancy.'

'Who likes to stay home and read.'

If she's socially inept or awkward

hey, that's okay.

[screaming]

Ha ha ha. Gave me a little jolt, there.

Umm, agh.

Is this new accounts?

I'm sorry, I didn't quite hear you.

[clears throat]

Is this new accounts?

Cause I would like to open an account for my dog.

For your... dog?

Uh-huh.

Esmeralda.

Oh, oh, she is cute.

Well, she is very, very shy.

Ha ha ha, I see.

Oh, you like comets?

Ha, 'cause I like comets too. Ow!

Ha ha ha, oh, she's wild about you, my man.

Really? How can you tell, Charlie?

I can't make out a word.

[Charlie] 'Oh, come on, I got a sixth sense about these things.'

She's a caged animal waiting to escape.

She'll eat you alive.

[indistinct chattering]

Hi.

Listen, uh, wou-wou-would you be interested in watching

the co-co-comets, you know.

'Cause I've got this great telescope and I..

[mumbling]

Uh, I'm, was that a yes?

[man on TV] 'We now return to Friday night co-ed mud wrestling.'

Milo, Milo, Milo, my little buddy.

Could you make yourself scarce tonight?

Because I have got a date.

Evelyn.

Get down, get down, get down.

Swish swish swish brrh brrh

[instrumental music]

Nah!

I almost got it.

Thump thump Gotta be her.

Sniff sniff.

- Hi. - Hi.

Come on in.

This is nice.

Oh, you've brought your dog.

- Mm-hmm. - Have a seat.

I'll be right back.

Milo, do it for me. Just for a while?

I promise. I'll buy you a steak, please?

Here we go. Look, Milo. It's Esmeralda.

Grr

[whimpering]

Slurp slurp

[instrumental music]

Ha! Dogs.

Nature's little clowns.

Pork rinds?

[instrumental music]

Right. Entertain her.

Ha ha ha. You know what really cracks me up?

This.

Aah! Ha ha ha.

[dramatic music]

I don't get it, Milo. The face always gets a laugh.

I just can't tell if she likes me.

Hey, maybe I should talk about her dog more.

[whimpering]

Sorry, I didn't mean to rub it in.

Enough dilly-dallying.

I asked her here for one reason.

A moment like this comes once in a life time.

It would be foolish to just let it pass by.

Umm!

Oh, no. I meant the comet.

Please. Yup. Comets.

You know, Evelyn, they are so far away.

- And yet.. - So close.

Well... yeah.

Um, Oh, God.

Um, uh, I have to go.

[Stanley] 'No, wait, Evelyn, that's the closet.'

crash thud

[instrumental music]

[Evelyn] 'I can't see. without my glasses.'

Evelyn, no!

Whoosh whoosh

whoosh whoosh.

Hi there, sugar.

[howling]

[whistling]

[whimpering]

Arf woof

[panting]

Arf woof.

- Evelyn. - Call me, Eve.

It's more how you say, je ne sais quoi.

Oh, Stanley, when I look at you

I see vital organs and my head aches.

In a good way.

We were meant for each other.

You love pork rinds. I love pork rinds.

Slurp slurp.

Oh, those faces you make.

Aah! He he he.

She thinks I'm screw ball rabbit.

Screw ball rabbit?

[screaming]

You're hurtin' my back.

Ha ha, and you're makin' me sweat.

Kiss me.

Mwah mwah [whimpering]

I guess she likes me after all.

And then he dumped me.

And that's why I became..

A cow girl.

[Pretorius] 'The comet Seba nears its closest proximity to the Earth.'

I am running out of time.

Well, I've been talkin' about myself all night.

I wanna know more about you.

Well, I have developed a new tissue rejuvenation serum.

Swish

[dramatic music]

Help me.

What do you think?

Ugh!

He's... kinda cute.

Then you'll do.

Vroom screech

[instrumental music]

What's with this crown in your pretzels

achy-breaky cowboy clammer?

Let's swing!

Female mask. She's perfect.

[instrumental music]

Thud

[music continues]

Where ya goin'?

I was just gonna go to the men's..

Oh, yeah. Ha, cha cha cha.

Thud.

Oh.

They are really good, aren't they, darlin'?

Darlin'?

[instrumental music]

[Evelyn] Aw, you shiverin', slender thing.

Ah, uh, I-I-I'm frozen in fear.

I'll heat you up.

Oh, should I remove The Mask?

Eve, really loves me. But what if Evelyn doesn't?

But the mask must be used for good.

It's good that she loves me.

But she's got a big green head.

What would our children look like?

Mask has got to go!

How about that? The stars are far away.

Yet so very, very close.

Yeah, so close.

Say it in French.

[screaming]

Get off my spleen.

S'il vous plait.

Huh?

[dramatic music]

Eve, behind you.

Mwah mwah mwah Oh, feisty rabbit.

[whirring]

At last. My perfect bride.

The future belongs to me.

Stanley-y-y!

Yes, siree, space not it's gonna be one cosmic spectacle.

The moment I saw you doing that new-fangled jitterbug dance

I knew we were destined to spend eternity together.

Forgive me for encasing you in the titanium based cylinder.

But it was necessary to contain your mask super powers.

He thinks I'm Eve.

Ha, I hope he likes surprises.

Click whirr swish whirr.

[Pretorius] 'This laser cannon will divert the Comet Seba from its course'

to a direct collision with Edge City.

'When the comet strikes earth..'

'...it will destroy all human life.'

'Just like the dinosaurs.'

That is except for you and me, when we retreat to my

underground stronghold.

Ironic name, Eve.

Considering we shall be the Adam and Eve

of a new super-human race.

Born of my brilliant intellect and your mask powers.

Sure.

Except I don't have any mask powers at the moment.

And you are psychotic.

Ow!

But first, I must remove your head.

'So we're more physically compatible.

Let me out of here. Let me out of here.

Boom.

Get away from my screw ball rabbit.

You're not Eve.

Eve, be mine and we shall rule the Earth together.

Dream on, zippy.

I love Stanley Ipkiss.

Eve, uh, Eve, those things never work.

Bang [Eve] 'Bulls eye.'

bang

[singing]

♪ Clinch the bad guys ♪

♪ Slice the bad guy ♪

♪ Chop the bad guy ♪

♪ Dice them all ♪♪

Ah!

Clank

Eve, will you watch it with that thing?

P-taff

zap zap zap.

It's not just a laser. It's mortar cannon.

Bang boom Eve.

[dramatic music]

Soing [grunting]

I shall be forced to use more drastic methods of persuasion.

Eve, will you marry me?

You can't.

Clank clank.

Miss me?

We will continue this spat, momentarily.

It's time to put the next big bang into motion.

[Eve] 'Alone, at last.'

No, stop him!

Thud bam beep beep zap

zap

[female news reporter] 'We interrupt this broadcast for a special news bulletin'

The comet Seba has just gone off course

and it's due to destroy earth in five minutes.

[news reporter] 'We now return to part one of War and Peace.'

Eve, you've got to use your super powers to stop that comet.

Say it in French.

[grunting]

[dramatic music]

Oh, ah, ah.

Goodbye, Eve.

It's up to you, now.

Swoosh [indisting singing]

Halt!

Good thing I'm inperious to pain.

Hmm, how to stop a speeding comet from destroying the Earth?

I'm stumped. Might as well go home and prepare the inevitable.

[instrumental music]

Woof woof

woof woof

whoosh whoosh.

Ah, I always wanted to read these.

That was good. That was good. That was good.

My last meal.

Gulp [burping]

Charlie, you can keep your lousy promotion.

I always wanted to say that.

One minute left.

I gotta go out lookin' sharp.

Swish swish click click [humming]

You know, I've been meaning to get that fixed.

That's it.

Thump clank

whoosh whoosh screech whoosh whoosh

crash clank clatter clatter.

Yep, that ought to do it.

Oops.

[dramatic music]

Boom.

Solid.

Oh, you again.

I constructed a new improved robot body.

Equipped with lard bucket.

Glug glug glug

trr.

And now, I shall destroy you, Mr. Ipkiss.

For foiling my brilliant plan.

[Evelyn] 'Freeze, low life.'

I'm sorry, what was that?

[clears throat]

I said... freeze, low life!

You just get away from the man that I love!

Aren't we the bold one?

Evelyn, you said, you love me.

That's right! I guess I did.

Now you can say... farewell.

Zap zap

boom

clank clank.

[Pretorius] 'Mental note, don't make threats'

'with a mortar launcher trained on you.'

clank clank.

Oh, Stanley. How did we get here?

Gee, I don't know.

[Stanley] 'Ha ha ha, you know, Eve, Eve, Eve, Eve.'

We have everything in common. I mean, comets and pork rinds.

And making funny faces.

He he he.

- Too bad I wanna kill your dog. - Hey, likewise.

What?

Excuse the heck out of me but at least Milo knows

not to do his doody on my comic book collection.

Well, maybe Esmeralda wouldn't have had to doody

if your dog didn't make her so nervous.

There is only one thing to do.

We don't have much choice.

I'm glad I have someone special to watch the comet with.

Woof woof