Original subtitles

You know how they admit you.

Okay, Brooklyn, I'm rolling.

And action.

Hi, it's Annika and Aaliyah, and today we're going to fix somebody's bathtub.

Yes, we are going to use a special caulk called Orleos.

You don't need a caulk.

Cut, cut, cut, cut.

Cut.

You are such idiots. Oh, my God.

Could you fuck up the lines any more than you just did?

We've got them. right here. Seriously?

Are you listening to me?

Maybe if you two whores wouldn't stay out all night posting bloody ass

of random girls on our blog, you could memorize your lines.

I don't think you could fuck this up more if you tried.

Before they take my job.

But I can't. Their names are the fucking title.

Oh my god. I just want to get rid of them so bad.

Abigail, I'm so stressed.

Would you please?

You can just...

The girls. Why?

Uh, okay. When is that happening?

In an hour.

Um, you know, you can't talk to them right now.

Annika and Aaliyah are busy studying their scripts. You know, they're so

dedicated to the show.

We have to go live in an hour.

Okay. Where the fuck are the girls?

I don't know where they are.

Oh, my God.

We got to find them.

We have an hour. We got to find them.

I'm so sick of these girls.

All they do is post pictures of their tits and their tits aren't even real.

I know.

Her nipples point in two opposite directions. I know. Did you notice?

And get this. They post pictures of their tits online every day, but we

have more followers.

Mm -hmm.

Keep trying to be us. Well, I mean, look at this.

Okay. These are real. And amazing.

And amazing. You have perfect tits. I mean, I was thinking about getting a

job, but I don't know. I like being better than them.

We're so much better than them, and your boobs are perfect. Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

They are so ugly and old. I know.

They wear too much makeup, too.

Everything they do, they just try to copy us.

I know. We still have more Twitter followers than them. Yeah.

You know what? Our show has been number one since it got on the air.

They're never going to pass us. They can try all they want. They keep trying.

Did you see the shirt she wore on Friday?

No. It was the exact same. same shirt you wore a few weeks ago.

Get up. Really? Yeah. That pink button -down one?

What a ho. Yeah.

They're, like, totally trying to beat us. They're trying to beat us. Yeah.

It's fucking pathetic.

They probably don't even know how to use the power tool.

I know. Have you noticed it always cuts to something else when it comes time for

them to do it? Yeah.

It's like, oh, magically done.

I bet that bitch has never even picked up a hammer.

I bet not, too.

They never even took any classes.

Hey, we took a class.

Yeah. We were the best.

We're talking.

Wow, what a slut.

Fucking lame.

They'll never be us.

So we have one hour until we go live with those fucking idiots.

And we don't even know where they are.

Abigail, I'm super stressed.

Would you mind?

Really? Please?

How about this right here?

Let me see.

Oh, my God. My cleavage looks awesome.

Yeah. Totally post that.

Okay, wait. Take one of my butts, too. Okay. Post them together.

Oh, God.

Nice buzzer shot.

Like that.

Am I popping it out enough?

Post it on Twitter right now.

Tag me.

Tag me and tag our show.

Okay, wait. Let me take one of your tits, too. Let's post them all at the

time. You know those girls are going to be watching.

This is what real tits look like, bitches.

Oh, my God. You look so hot.

Wait, let me take one more. Okay.

I drop to my knees, and I help relieve your stress.

And you never return the favor.

You know, I'm getting sick of it. I don't care if you fire me right now. I'm

helping you until you make me come.

You listen to me. I don't have time for this shit, you little pervert.

If you ruin me over this petty bullshit you're ranting about, I will spend my

life making sure that you never work in this or any other town again.

Do you understand?

squeeze them clean for your camera, or you and I will be sharing a very bitter

pickle indeed, my friend.

A very bitter pickle.

Fucking bitch.

What was that?

Thank you.

Okay.

You're a liar. And guess what?

I'm your boss.

You're fired now.

There's no way that's what he said.

Yeah, that's exactly what he said.

So now since I'm your boss, you have to do what I say.

I don't think so.

I don't think so.

Back up and strip now.

You can't be kidding.

Do it, bitch.

Are you serious?

Dude, you want me to get him on the phone again?

You know exactly what he said.

I'm waiting.

You're going to pay for that.

Oh, yeah? Act like you like it.

You owe me.

I don't owe you shit.

Yeah. I go down on you all the time.

Now it's time for you to return the favor.

Turn around. Let me see everything.

Shake it.

You heard me. Shake it. Shake that ass for me.

Mm -hmm.

Bend over, you dirty little slut.

Keep going.

You're putting in a show for me.

I'm your boss now.

Skirt off. Slow.

I can't believe you're doing this.

You love it.

Bend over for me.

There you go. Just like that.

Turn around.

I have to see the whole package.

I've only seen your pussy before.

Keep going.

Naked.

You're going to pay for this, bitch.

Remember, you work for me.

Turn around.

Panties off.

It's not like I haven't seen it before.

There you go.

Get it, bitch.

Get my pussy.

It's your turn to get me off.

um

What's stupid about it? What's stupid about making a living for us from

something stupid? Because you're not making shit. That's the point. I wish I

made more, but what am I going to do? Just demand?

So you're just going to drive a few hours and then cut one person's hair.

Drive home, you're basically coming home with nothing. We still don't even have

hot water.

We don't have hot water because you're spending all of our income that we would

normally... Hey guys, it's Eleanor.

You know what we're going to do, what we do every week. Visit another struggling

couple and do something crazy.

And fix up a room in their house.

This week, we're in Pacoima, California at the home of crazy and...

A struggling lesbian couple who just hasn't been able to finish their family

room.

Let's see if locking them up in their bedroom for 24 hours while we pound

hammers and saucers will brighten their spirits.

You ready, sister?

Yeah, let's go, girlfriend.

I'm trying.

Can you just, like, be nicer to me here?

Well, I mean, if you could try harder, maybe, like, get a job closer.

I've been trying.

Is there a chicken out there?

Now that they've been properly terrorized, they have no idea what we're

do. No, but they think we're here to kill them.

And that's exactly what we want them to think.

You ready, sister?

You know it.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you? Yeah.

What's that supposed to mean? This situation right here. Like, if you could

just locked the gate or maybe locked the back door. I mean, we live in a house,

like, out here for security, for a reason, and you never lock shit. Are you

really going to just do it? I'll tell you a million times, and you never lock

shit. And now look.

Look, it's perfect. How could this possibly be my fault? You're saying I

like, I let them in. At least I don't let whores into my email inbox.

Okay. I've seen it.

Okay, that's cool. Yeah, bring up the past, because that's really going to

us from dying right now. Is it really the past? Because I'm pretty sure you

spend, like, three hours masturbating and cyber -sexing with random girls

every single night. But, hey, maybe I'm just imagining it.

Okay, well, that's great. Now we're going to fight about this being stuck in

room together.

I love the smell of sawdust in the morning.

You know that I do. You ate a pound of it out of my pussy last night.

I drilled you all night long, you asshole.

Oh yeah, and you hammered my fucking foot.

You gonna get that drill out again?

Uh -huh. Drill your fucking pussy.

Oh yeah?

While there's some stuff in there.

I think I stuck this all the way up here and I licked it all up.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah?

Oh,

I love these in the morning.

Oh, yeah? I thought you loved them all the time. I do.

Do you want to look at mommy?

Mommy, hi. I want to look at mommy.

I think that's it.

um um

I don't know what time it is right now.

I don't see where to go now.

I know exactly what you meant to be on.

Yeah.

I've been nodding.

Yeah, you said it was bad.

You didn't put that caution tape up right yesterday.

I know I did.

You can feel how warm your pussy is through your jeans.

Oh, I'm so horny for you.

Do you think I should take this off?

Yeah, I think you should.

You have pretty candy buns, too.

um um

Hello?

That should have kind of helped me talk to you with your hands on.

Yeah.

Mwah!

Yeah, you like me drilling your fucking hole?

Yeah.

I'm so good at it.

Oh, yeah, I love how flexible you are.

You can get friendly.

Oh, yeah.

Fuck.

Oh, yeah.

Stop, please.

Yeah.

about someone there? Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh my god.

It's driving me fucking crazy.

God, this whole thing is just so scary.

It's going to be some crazy story that we laugh about later.

You think so?

Yeah. I'm sure.

I'll have to dive in front of some crazy cut and save you.

I would like that. Yeah.

Sacrifice myself.

Keep the creative one around.

I miss you.

I won't stay up masturbating for three hours at a time anymore.

I love you.

I love you.

you guys dreamed of?

What is it?

We did it!

Yay! We're getting it done with Al and Nat is all about.

You know it, girlfriend!

What the hell is getting her done with Al and Nat?

Our TV show, silly!

The one you guys are on right now!

TV show? Are you fucking kidding?

You terrified us? You didn't think we were gonna die for a TV show?

Duh!

This worked out perfectly I mean fix my relationship with theory and we have two

fireplaces

I really want to thank the Al and Nat show for not only fixing my

but also fixing my entire family room because it looks really great now.

Yeah, I was very glad to be picked to be on the show. I mean, I would prefer not

to have come so close to having a heart attack, but in the end, I'm still really

glad that we were picked.

Definitely worth it.

It's Al and Nat saying goodbye.

See you next week.