Original subtitles

(dramatic music)

? You're banging boys on the street at night ?

? Can't stop, but it's kryptonite ?

? Dirty girls won't listen to their ticking clock ?

? Oh no ?

? I'm thinking of you ?

? But I'm no good, you're superhuman ?

? So super clear, you make me feel so superhuman ?

? When we meet, you're superhuman ?

? So super clear ?

? You make me feel so good and make my body tight ?

Fuck!

According to my calculations, if we hurry,

we can still get you there in time.

My dad's car needs to come back in one piece.

I can't hurry, he will kill me.

We don't need to speed.

I've let them know I might be late.

Well, the good thing is they

can't really start without you so.

That's true, but if I fuck this up,

well, I'm fucked,

and not in a good way.

(upbeat music)

I'm here, I'm here!

I'm sorry, let's do this.

Where's Cole?

He canceled like two minutes ago.

Are you fucking kidding me?

I wish I were.

See, see?

I knew he was dodgy.

I asked for his contract like seven times,

and he kept making excuses.

This is not happening.

I can't fucking believe this shit.

My big break is a big joke!

I need to go find a quiet space so I can cry now.

Can everyone please excuse me for a minute?

Adam, sorry to interrupt your meltdown,

but maybe we can help?

Huh?

You did say you wanted to shoot me.

I did?

I did.

Yeah, what do you want us to do?

Yeah.

What size are you both?

(ethereal music)

What to do with you, what to do with you...

Okay, no,

I like that stance, stay there and,

ooh, the innocent.

I like that, okay.

Alright, can I get you two a bit closer together?

How close?

As close as you can.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's better.

Hold that.

Yeah, great!

Little more on this side, Colin.

A little more...

Rigor.

Something strong, you know?

You're a rock!

Oh, there's the rock.

(camera clicking)

Perfect, okay.

Yeah, that's better.

Hold that.

I have an idea, but it might not be good.

Let's hear it.

I was thinking we could make this

a little sexier with a kiss?

Oh, okay!

Yeah, that could work.

How do you feel about that, Colin?

Yeah, it's fine by me.

Yeah.

Great.

Well, why don't you just,

you know, whenever you're ready and I'll shoot away.

(emotional music)

(camera clicking)

Yeah, terrific!

Oh, what is this?

Hold that, don't you dare change.

[Colin] Okay.

No, don't move!

Yes!

(camera clicking)

I think we got it.

(group laughing)

And then his pants ripped, and I'm

pretty sure one of his balls came out.

(group laughing)

Oh!

I knew we would pull it off, guys.

Congrats.

Well, if you knew it,

why didn't you get champers ready?

We don't have an allocated champagne budget, Adam.

Right.

Make it happen.

Well, thank sweet baby Betty Ford that we made it work.

Cheers to that.

Cheers.

(indistinct chatting)

They look so sweet together.

[Anthony] They really do.

I had no idea we went out to do this-

You did that.

That was my intention.

Was it?

Devilish.

But you did a good job, they're a good match.

Yeah, 'cause I'm thinking you're gonna make it big.

Oh, really?

Yeah, I think you can really make it big.

Yeah.

(indistinct chatting)

(emotional music)

That was cool, that was fun.

I liked it.

Yeah, well,

I mean, you're naturals.

But seriously, I can't thank you enough.

You both saved me today and I'm forever grateful.

Honestly, this is one experience

we should be thanking you for.

Why is that?

You know, modeling's been on my bucket list for years.

You know, I haven't seen this much chemistry

since Gabe and I did a shoot together.

You sure it's not just your special lenses?

Trust me, it's not that.

Can you get us a copy of them when they're done?

For sure, I'll send 'em over soon.

We should go.

Well, get home safe.

You too.

[Colin] Give you a hug.

Oh, there's the three.

Thank you so much.

See you soon, bye.

Bye!

How would you feel about a possible movie night?

Like in the old days?

What, like in our PJ's?

Yeah, would you be up for it?

As long as we get to watch a horror movie, I'm in.

Like what?

I was thinking like early Kevin Williamson,

you know, like "Faculty,"

"Scream," "I Know What You Did,"

"Mrs. Tingle," "Cursed."

What's "Cursed" again?

It's that Christina Ricci werewolf movie.

It's probably the worst film ever made, you'll love it.

Alright, sounds good.

You know, I've been thinking a lot about the baby.

It's not here yet.

Yeah, I know.

But it's got me thinking about myself

and some of the things that I've done.

Go on.

Look, now that I'm gonna be a granddad,

you know, it's making me reflect on being your dad.

And look, I know I screwed up,

but I want to be so much better this time.

That means I don't wanna miss out on anything,

no birthdays, school play,

footy.

Yeah.

I wanna be the best granddad in the world.

Okay.

Don't over commit just yet.

Let's just have the baby first.

Yeah, I know.

But I'm a serious, Cly.

Alright, thanks Dad.

Yeah.

I appreciate it.

Alright, let's go eat.

I'm starving.

Absolutely, me too.

Can you do the thingy?

I'll show you this later.

Easy.

Let's go.

Hey, am I alright to come in?

Yeah, yeah.

No, I'm decent.

I got some PJ's for the sleepover.

Do you like them?

Reminds me of year seven.

Today was,

well, it was an experience to say the least.

Do you regret it?

No.

No, I just hope I looked good.

Well, one thing I know for sure,

it will definitely show off your behind, so...

Are you talking about my bum?

Yeah, your not flat bum.

Flat bum?

You don't remember?

No, remind me.

Okay, well,

it was like a year ago,

and you touched my bum to evaluate it for me.

I did?

I can't believe I did that.

I can't believe you don't remember it.

How did I do it?

Oh, well.

Well, you kind of came up to me like this,

and then you squeezed my arse like this.

Colin, this doesn't ring any bells.

You're fucking with me.

Oh, you mean like this?

Yes.

Did you like it?

Yes.

Do you like it now?

Of course I do.

Good.

(upbeat music)

Oh, who's that hottie?

He's that famous actor, Blaze.

He was in that slutty film we saw at MQFF.

"He's Inside Me"?

Yes, that one.

I loved that film.

It looks like he's let himself go a little bit since then.

Hmm.

That said, he can put himself inside me any day.

Oh, please don't!

Wait, are you casting him in your next film?

I mean, I want to,

but I don't think I can afford him.

Mm.

Let me see if I can pull some strings.

I still know some people in the biz.

Well, if you could,

that would be amazing.

But no stress either way.

Yeah, I'll let you know.

God, he's hot when he's angry.

I know.

Well, that just happened.

It did.

What now?

We might want to thank your cousin.

Why would we do that?

Because I'm not sure I would've

found a better way to make a move.

You're saying the kiss was premeditated?

You can use a more romantic word, but yes.

Were you okay with it?

To be honest,

I wanted to kiss you for so long that I think

I kind of just blacked out the whole thing.

Then you know it's a good thing we have

photographic evidence to remember it by.

(lighthearted music)

The Canadian team loved the photos

and they're hoping to use them worldwide as well,

if you're okay with that.

I would love that.

Yes, a thousand times yes.

Fantastic!

I'll let the team know.

It's truly been a great experience.

Now that I know you're a two for one,

it's been all the more worth it.

A two for whaty?

Modeling as well, you're a natural.

You're quite cheeky, literally.

Do you mind if I take a look at the ones they picked?

Yeah, absolutely.

Go.

Mm.

Looks great.

It looks so good!

Yep.

Posters, billboards,

sides of trams.

Like, you've got your face.

You're gonna be the huge face of trams.

Pump cheeked up.

Uh...

It's almost like my worst nightmare.

My best dream! (laughs)

Best dream, love it.

Pump, baby.

Just think of it now.

Pump, your cheeks are the vision,

the face.

Yep.

You name it, you'll see your cheeks everywhere.

(Adam laughing)

Yeah, you're cheeked up.

You're cheeked up well.

Oh...

I'm so happy.

You look happy.

Yeah.

Have you got of those kompuchas?

You know, the karfuchas.

I haven't got,

water, there you go.

Is that okay?

That's fine, man.

I'm so happy.

[Agent] You're happy, you're okay?

Yep.

You're gonna be a star.

Really chugging on that thing.

What can I say, man,

this is just the best day of my life.

[Agent] I'm so stoked for you, you must be over the moon.

Mom's gonna be so proud.

[Agent] I bet she is.

Her son getting cheeked up.

(Adam gagging)

(Adam coughing)

Oh, is it hot in here or is it just me?

It's a lot of emotions.

It's quite overwhelming, I know.

I can turn the air con on?

Let's go for a walk.

[Agent] Yeah?

Okay.

(phone buzzing)

Adam, is everything groovy?

Groovy?

"Is everything groovy?" he says.

(Adam laughing)

No, they're not.

Why the hell is my ass part of this campaign,

and why didn't you say anything?

To avoid a conversation like this?

Anthony, I'm gonna find you

and cause pain like you can't even imagine.

I feel like I can already feel it through the phone.

You're not holding a voodoo doll of me, are you?

Can you please just explain?

Well, I might have mislabeled the files

and sent yours along as well by accident, but,

but they loved them.

That's crazy.

They really loved them.

I mean, they said it was current,

raw, real,

sexy even.

And you know, they're paying us a lot of money,

so I figured give the people what they want.

So does this mean I'm a model now?

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, I mean,

if it helps you to hurt me less, yes!

Mhm.

Okay, I still need time to process all this,

but I guess it's not all bad.

Did they really go off?

Big time.

I guess it's not all bad.

Alright!

Get some beauty rest, model.

(laughs) Okay.

(Anthony sighing)

Okay.

(chilled music)

Wow, look at this place.

It's so empty.

Yeah, it's kind of spooky in here.

How sure are we that Theo isn't

gonna jump out and scare us?

(laughs) Yeah, that does sound like something he would do.

Yeah.

Ooh, that must be the box.

I wonder what's inside.

Sex toys he got for 25% off?

There's a note.

What does it say?

Says, "Call the landlord."

What?

Call Wayne?

But why?

Well, Theo can be so annoying.

Do you have his number

Only on Chatty.

Okay.

(phone ringing)

[Wayne] Hello?

Hi Wayne.

Sorry to bother you.

It's Gabe from the rental?

[Wayne] Gabe, my friend.

It's been a while.

Are you calling to stay longer at the house?

No, no,

no, no.

Nothing like that.

No, I was just picking up a box for Theo,

and there's a note here that says to call you.

[Wayne] Oh, yes.

Theo did mention this.

Did you look inside?

No, we didn't.

[Wayne] We?

I am here with Adam, my husband.

Hi.

[Wayne] Husband?

Oh, congrats!

About the box.

So Wayne, what do you actually

want me to do with this box?

[Wayne] Are you sure you didn't look inside?

I'm sure, I'm sure.

Gimme a sec.

What?

I think we should open it.

Do you really think that's a good idea?

Yes!

Come on.

So Wayne, what is actually in this box?

[Wayne] Why don't you just open it up and see.

Okay?

Tug.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

What is it, what is it,

what is it, what is it?

What the...

Wait.

That's my key, the spare one I use for this house.

What's it doing in this box?

Hey Wayne, what's all this about?

[Wayne] Well, you see,

actually, I can't do this anymore.

Guys, it's me!

Theo?

Yes.

I've been Wayne this whole time.

This whole time?

Yes.

And I've also discovered how good I am with impressions.

Theo, can you please tell us why?

I'm very concerned for your wellbeing.

Oh, absolutely nothing to be worried about,

young Adam.

The why is quite simple,

but I made it a little complicated.

Please indulge us.

Well, about four and a bit years ago,

I finally figured out the password to my Bitcoin account,

and as it just so happens, I made a little bit of money.

So I decided to start investing in different things,

more so real estate, and that's when I came up

with the idea to buy the house that I was renting.

Wait, so we've been paying you rent this whole time?

Yep.

And have you noticed it hasn't gone up?

Not even once.

I knew that was weird!

Didn't I flag that a few times?

Yeah.

Yeah, you flagged it.

Yeah, I sure did.

Okay, so you're rich and we didn't know.

That is, that's great-

That's surprising.

What's with all the theatrics with the key?

Well, remember how I said I was going to get you

a gift before I got back from overseas?

Well, this is it.

I'm giving you the house.

(Adam laughing)

No, no.

Tell me.

This is a joke, right?

Tell me you're joking.

I'm full serious.

No, no,

we can't accept this, this is way too generous.

Well, I think you can.

I know you've been struggling to find a place,

and I just figured that this is somewhere you guys

can create some beautiful memories together.

Seriously, I can't thank you enough

for accepting me for who I am,

and always being there for me.

That's a good friend, and an even better cousin.

Um, I can't believe this.

Theo, are you sure sure?

I'm 100% sure.

Please accept it.

This is so kind, Theo.

How can we ever repay you?

Well, there was one small favor I wanted to ask,

if that's alright?

Sure, what is it?

When I get back from overseas in a few months,

I'm gonna need a couch to crash on for a few weeks.

Is that okay?

Let's talk about that closer to the date.

Yeah.

Thanks guys, I love you so much it hurts.

Well, we're hurting with love too.

Alright, I have to catch a bus into town.

I have a hot date.

Good luck with that!

And we cannot thank you enough, Theo,

for this most wonderful gift.

No worries.

I second that.

Thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Later!

Oh my God!

This is our house.

(Adam laughing)

Oh my God.

This is our house.

Oh my gosh.

I love you so much.

Oh my gosh.

I love you, Gabe.

This is our house!

Best box ever!

(upbeat music)

It's like I'm still in shock.

It's like we're dreaming and none of this is real.

I think this is actually happening,

as crazy as that might be.

We have a house.

We have a house.

What now?

Can we just chill for a little longer?

No, no.

I mean like, what are we gonna do with this place?

Well, we just fill it up slowly and make it a home.

Yeah, that is gonna take some time.

Yeah, that's why I use the word slowly,

and besides, what's the rush?

We have the rest of our lives to make it beautiful.

I love you, Adam.

And I love you, Gabe.

I love you more with every day I spend with you.

When did you become the romantic?

Since the man of my dreams said "I do."

I would love some wallpaper in here.

I was literally just thinking that.

Yeah.

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