Original subtitles

(upbeat music)

(camera shutter clicks)

(Adam breathing heavily)

- (knock on door) - (Adam gasps)

- Ah, one sec. - (laptop lid thuds shut)

Yeah. Come in.

What are you doing?

Not much.

But hey, can I remind you again

not to piss on the toilet seat?

Mate, the seat doesn't stay up.

Then hold it up. It's not that hard.

I don't want a wet arse

every time I need to take a shit.

Alright? Now what do you want?

Are you eating with us?

Who's us?

I made pizza.

Josh is crashing here tonight.

Uh, does Mum know?

Yeah. I told her.

Really, Clayton?

I swear on Mum's grave.

Mm. Mum's not dead, so you can't swear on her grave.

Well, Mum's staying at Jeff's place tonight anyway.

Oh, again?

It'll be ready in five.

Thanks Josh.

I'll be down in a minute.

Two max.

(door clicks shut)

(upbeat music resumes)

♪ Ooh, they think they know you ♪

♪ But I know better, you're superhuman ♪

♪ Ooh, so super queer ♪

♪ You make me feel so superhuman ♪

(music fades suddenly)

(heavy breathing echoes)

- Oh, what the fuck? - (heavy breathing quickens)

(laptop lid slams)

(gentle music)

(fly zips)

Oh, smells so good.

- Help yourself. - Sit down.

Ooh. Mushrooms?

Yeah, I put extra on 'cause Clay said you love them.

If you don't want it, don't eat it.

I won't be offended.

Oh no. Yum, my favorite.

Thanks Josh.

- (pizza crunches) - Mm.

Let me know what you think.

(crunching) It's really good.

Did you make the base too?

Yeah, I made the dough at work the other day.

I think I'm getting pretty good at it.

Yeah, (crunches) it's really, really nice.

Yeah. You should come by the cafe sometime.

Hey, Adam. Remember when you were little,

you thought melted cheese was like monster boogers

and you threw up in the middle of Pizza Hut?

No, I don't remember that Clay.

Oh, and you were so paranoid about your own boogers,

you used to carry around a little pocket mirror

to check your nostrils every five seconds.

No, I... Not really.

I do though remember the time

you shit your pants at footy training

and had to wear jocks from the lost property.

I do remember that.

That was really funny.

Any other childhood memories

you want to share over dinner?

No, I think, I think that er,

I think that does it for now.

Oh wait, uh, you're a fucking idiot.

(they laugh sarcastically)

I'm learning to cook in case my dreams

of being a famous football star fail.

Well that's cool.

I don't really have any backup plans as yet.

No, but Clay showed me some of your art.

Yeah, I really like it.

I think it's different.

Thanks Josh.

No, I, yeah, I've wanted to be an artist for so long

that I don't really have any interest

in doing anything else.

Oi, Josh, you should model for Adam's exhibition,

so I don't have to.

- Ah... - Oh no. Yeah, yeah.

I'd love to.

When would you need me?

I, I don't need...

Well, I mean... You would?

Well I, yeah, sure.

I mean, you know if you want.

No, don't worry. Josh loves being the center of attention.

How is RMIT by the way?

Well, the kids are either hipster or nerds

and I don't really feel like I fit in

with either of those crowds.

Where do you think you fit in?

I'm gonna start a movie.

Erm...

Thanks for the pizza, Josh.

- (relaxed music) - (water splashing)

(relaxed music continues)

(phone pings)

- (music stutters to halt) - What the fuck?

(Adam stutters)

(bright music)

(phone vibrating)

- (dial tone ringing) - (Adam clicking impatiently)

(phone beeps)

Hey Marco.

Marco speaking.

Marco. You know it's me.

And you know that this is my "Grey's Anatomy" night,

so this better be quick.

Something just happened and I'm not sure what to do.

Are you still there?

- [Marco] (sighs) Hurry up. - Wait.

Anyway, my brother's hot friend who's sleeping here tonight

just messaged me from the lounge room.

What did he say?

"Anytime."

Anytime what?

It doesn't matter. I think he might like me.

Maybe he was just being friendly.

So, I can respond?

Do you like him?

- Yes. - Then no.

Why?

Because your very hetero brother

would probably fuck you up

for hooking up with his best mate.

(stutters) What...

What if he's the guy I'm supposed to

spend the rest of my life with?

(sighs) I'm going now.

Okay. Er, er...

Sorry, one more thing.

Hurry up!

Are we still on for the movie tomorrow?

Yes.

Oh, okay, bye.

- (slapping phone) - (Adam flaps lips)

(phone pings)

(keyboard clicking)

(soft reflective music)

(Adam exhales)

(emoji pings)

(Adam chuckles softly)

(Adam squeals)

(upbeat music)

♪ Don't keep me waiting ♪

♪ When you know it's not the right time ♪

♪ Don't leave me hanging ♪

♪ When you're screaming my name at night time ♪

♪ Don't get me high just keep me down ♪

♪ Don't fall in love just to leave me alone ♪

- (Josh yells) - Jeez!

Oh My God. (breathing heavily)

I didn't realize I was that scary.

(exhales) Is my brother home?

No, he's at a booty call with some random.

He's always got something gross going on.

What about you?

He's got the looks, I got the personality.

People don't hook up with personalities.

Oh, don't know about that.

You think people swipe right for personality?

No, I don't think your brother got all the good looks.

Thanks.

So, where's my dessert?

- Oh. - (lid pops)

- (cream hisses) - Oh whoa.

- (Adam laughs) - That's disgusting.

I'm, I'm sorry, I thought you wanted me to do that.

- The whipped cream. - Oh. (chuckles)

Are you always this tightly wound?

Oh. Is that how you see me?

A little.

How do you see me?

Hmm. Yeah, you're cool.

You seem to know what you want.

Now I remember when you used to go to my school

and all the girls wanted you.

Yeah. And some of the boys.

(Adam sighs awkwardly)

Did your brother ever mention that I'm pansexual?

No. What's that?

It means I'm attracted to the person, not the gender.

Well as in...

Well as in who do you like?

Um...

Boys kind of.

I mean like men, not boys. (chuckles)

Gays, guys. Sorry.

I am gay who likes guys.

(chuckles) Does your brother know?

Oh, we don't really talk about that kind of stuff.

Well, do you mind keeping this a secret?

What, our chat?

Yeah, sure.

No, this.

♪ Don't keep me waiting on you ♪

♪ 'Cause I can't wait forever ♪

I don't want my brother knowing about this.

I swear on my mum's grave.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't know she passed.

She's not. I'm fucking with you.

(they laugh)

(heavy breathing)

So, wait, wait, wait, are you about to, you know,

like, sexy time?

(chuckles) Sexy time. Really?

Well, you know, like,

I mean are we about to, you know, do it?

Do you want to?

Yeah. I've never done it before.

But yeah, I want to.

Me too.

You to me or me to you?

Me to you.

I can't believe this is happening.

- Adam. - Yeah?

- Shut up. - Oh, sorry.

- (smooching) - (heavy breathing)

Oh. Er, should we do it here?

No, let's go to the bedroom.

(upbeat music continues)

(song fades)

(bright music)

(bright music continues)

(bright music fades)

Morning, gentleman.

So how did everybody sleep?

Looks like the sun is out.

I might go for a walk later.

Maybe even buy some fresh fruit.

Hey, does anyone want anything from the shops?

Someone's filling chipper this morning.

Mate, don't you work on the weekends?

Work. That's right, I have work today.

Completely forgot my mind there for a sec.

I mean, it slipped my mind. (laughs)

I'm gonna take a leak.

Alright, I'll see you in a sec.

I didn't mention anything by the way.

Thanks.

Can we catch up again?

I'd love to. I mean it was fun.

But the whole sneaking around thing,

it's very nineties,

so maybe once you're out?

Yeah, I was gonna, but... (sucks teeth)

Oh, I don't know.

I can never find the right time to tell everyone.

Is there ever a right time?

(sighs) Okay, I'll see you later.

(bright music resumes)

[Marco] Get to it, get to it, get to it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then,

and then he starts making out with me on the couch.

Oh, you slut bag.

I told you there was something up with him.

Your bro is not gonna like that you fucked his friend.

Well, technically he fucked me.

Ah ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, slut much?

Hey guys.

Do either one of you want to

ride on my bike at the next Pride match?

Are you talking about Dykes on Bikes?

Yeah, I do it every year.

Don't you have to be a dyke to ride in that?

I don't think anyone'd notice,

especially with that haircut.

Sally, Adam and I were having an important discussion

before you rudely interrupted.

So maybe you and your new girlfriend of two weeks

can go and cosign a lease agreement together

and get some matching dogs.

We've been together for six weeks now,

- thank you very much, Marco. - Ooh.

And we signed our rental lease last week.

FYI.

Are you, are you feeling all right?

I mean, you waited a whole five weeks?

Maybe you should take the day off and get some rest.

If you're gonna pay me, I'm happy to.

Remind me again why I hired her.

Because she's like the hardest working person we have.

Gabe.

Yes?

Do you have something that you want to say?

Um, yes.

Let it out.

I was just wondering if we had any more sponges.

Erm, check the office.

He looks different.

Gorgeous different?

More handsome different.

Ah, Scorsese, Scorsese.

- What's the difference? - Okay.

He looks good, alright.

He's been listening to Gwyneth Paltrow podcasts,

but I think it's really helped his aura.

Oh, I guess.

It's done wonders for his skin too.

Mm. Okay. (chuckles)

So, what's the go with Josh?

I think he wants me to come out or something,

so we can just be honest with everyone.

Okay, so just come out already.

I mean, look at me. It's the best thing I did.

Granted my family don't look at me anymore

but still, it's great.

Are you serious?

No. Of course they look at me,

to tell me that my clothes are too tight

or that I need a better haircut.

But hey, your mum's cool.

I'm sure she has some idea about you anyway.

Yeah, well maybe after her birthday.

She's having a dinner for it.

We're meeting a new boyfriend for the first time.

It's kind of making a big thing out of it.

How is it that your mum has a boyfriend and we don't?

Yeah, well even more so,

how is it that the only thing I have in common

with Kim Kardashian is psoriasis?

(laughs) Yeah.

I'm not gonna lie, that's pretty bad.

(Adam laughs)

(upbeat music)

(upbeat music continues)

Mum, that's my chair.

It's okay, Adam.

There's other chairs.

Exactly.

Exactly.

(gentle music)

Nice of everyone to wait for me.

Jeff. This is my youngest, Adam.

Nice to meet you, Adam.

Likewise, Jeff.

You'd better eat before it gets cold.

Clay has helped his footy team win two grand finals

since he started at Yarraville.

[Jeff] Oh, yeah?

It was nothing.

I wouldn't say that.

He kicked the winning goal.

Don't play it down.

I'll have to come and watch you one day.

(clears throat) The season's over.

There's always next year.

Mm. Best not to make future plans just yet.

And why is that?

No, I don't know.

Adam, give it a rest.

Can we not just enjoy my birthday dinner

without your wise cracks?

Yeah, Mum. Sorry.

So Jeff, what team do you go for?

Not really big into sports.

Adam's doing an arts degree at RMIT.

He's actually very good.

"Actually".

So you're gonna be home

till you're 30, huh? I guess. (chuckles)

He's always working on his little drawings.

Lucky I have my job washing cars as a fallback.

That's great.

I actually need someone to wash my car.

Mum's last boyfriend, don't remember his name.

Roy or Rory?

Ah, it's in the police report.

Anyway, so he actually stole my car.

So now I don't have the trouble

of having to wash one anymore.

If you paid your insurance

you would've got the money back for a new one.

Yeah, ma. Sorry, my bad.

You know, bro, you can always just borrow my car.

Thanks.

Clayton was just made assistant manager

at JB Hi-Fi at the Altoona store

and is learning to be a sports physio.

I love a good knot, you know.

Yeah. So one way or another he's gonna be all right.

Unlike the artist with his little drawings.

That's not what I said.

Look, she probably just meant

that his career path's a bit more stable

and an artist is a bit unpredictable.

Oh, well thanks for that clarity, Jeff.

(scoffs) Wow.

I am just letting Jeff get to know us.

- (air pressure builds up) - I have a stamp collection.

Oh yeah, you should see how many he has.

- (air pressure builds) - I'm gay.

♪ Oh no ♪

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