Original subtitles

[growling]

[yelling]

Wyatt and I will hold his attention,

Dante, you sneak around behind him.

- Hey! - Hey!

[whooping]

Too bad you don't have weird eyes

in the back of your head.

[all cheering]

Man, we're getting good at barding leaks.

Yeah. Well, we better get to school.

My new girlfriend Heather doesn't like

walking down the hall alone.

Because people shove her in the lockers

and give her massive wedgies?

- No. - Can we jimmy-jam?

I haven't eaten since second breakfast

and I'm getting hungry.

All right.

Hold up.

What is it?

These are kind of cool.

A little more than kind of cool.

[mimicking robot whirring]

Okay. Read me. Read me, read me.

All I see are a kabillion words

and charts mashed together.

They're status bars. IRL.

It's like a living video game.

Just like a real video game,

I'll ignore all that jazz and let you guys handle it.

Oh, no way. Why would I want to hide this face

behind those goofy glasses?

Sweet. So you guys don't care if I wear them, right?

I mean, I'll put them in the booty box right after school.

That's your rule. We don't care.

Yeah, we break rules like all the time.

Every day.

Wow.

Don't forget to vote for class superlatives.

The results are pouring in.

[exclaims]

You okay?

Yeah, just thinking about how much I love socks.

Thanks for sharing. What's up with the glasses?

Temporary retinitis.

Okay, I just wanted to give you all a heads-up.

I have the early results for the superlative votes.

And, Lyle, you are in the lead for both

most popular and best-looking, surprise.

And the most best streak continues.

- And, Dante? - Yep.

You're the only one in the running

for most likely to be abducted by an alien.

Are you serious?

Yes, finally my ticket off

this hunk of rock you call Earth.

So long, Gramps, there is no reading in space.

Whoo!

Okay.

So what do you have me down for?

Uh... Well, you know, not all the votes are in, but--

Oh, you're an absolute sure win for best computer buddy.

- Congrats. - Best computer buddy?

That doesn't even sound like a real superlative.

It isn't. I made it up.

Pays to be friends with the yearbook editor, huh?

So you and the rest of the school

just see me as the guy

who knows all the commandsey shortcuts?

I don't even know what that means,

which exactly proves my point.

Come on, who doesn't want to be best computer buddy?

Me!

High school goes by in a flash, Angie.

I want to be known for something other than my tech skills.

Lyle's got his face,

and Dante's got his Danteness.

- Yeah. - Look.

Even Reggie's got a cool thing.

This week on Party Time with Reggie,

I'm going to show you the latest dance moves.

Check it. The spin cycle.

See, nobody would watch a morning announcement show

called LAN Party Time with Wyatt.

I just want people to see me in a cool way.

Wyatt, I'm just trying to help.

I don't need your help or your pity.

I'm not an unformatted hard drive, Angie.

My personality has many different partitions.

It's about time people around here

started transferring that data to their brains.

You're not really helping your case.

Dude, can I have half of your face?

I'm kind of behind.

No! Get your hands off of me.

I'm so borked.

I just tried to ask Mr. McGee for an extension,

but he flipped out on me.

If I don't get some more time, I'm going to fail.

Seriously?

It's an art project. How far behind can you be?

All the way behind.

Hey, Lyle.

Hey, baby.

I made a sculpture of your favorite person.

So my fencing competition is this weekend.

It's totally not a big deal.

I mean, my mom and her boyfriend are going.

My grandma is flying in.

There's talk of a camera crew

from the local news coming.

But really, no biggie, you can skip it.

Seriously?

You rock.

I love how you always just know what I want.

Ah, thanks.

Yeah, you're welcome.

Dude, did I or did I not just give her a compliment?

All I know is that it looks like

her bug wants to smash your skull.

I'd watch out if I were you.

So here's the deal.

I am going to say "Slama jama,"

and then you're going to go "Classic Wyatt, everyone,"

then, you know, everybody will know

that's my cool Wyatt-y thing.

It's my nap time,

and you're sitting in my nap time spot.

You're going to get big Joe-d.

Please don't hurt me!

Classic Wyatt, everyone.

No, no. Don't spread that around.

You don't need a nap,

what you need is a little sustenance.

Suste-- What?

Lemon poppy seed, my favorite.

You know, you're all right, kid.

I wish I could take back my crampy behavior.

You know, if you're a computer,

you could just command Z, then you go right--

[screams] I cannot escape my destiny.

Classic Wyatt, everyone.

No, that is still not it!

Hey, Natalie, this will help you

with your belly button discomfort.

Thank you, Wyatt.

I'm never getting pierced at a flea market again.

It's like you read my mind.

I guess you could say

my intuitive abilities have leveled up.

I could say that, but I am not going to.

You seem to know just what everyone needs.

It's like you're the guru of D-Hills High.

That's right. I am a guru. Yes!

Oh, I have escaped my destiny! Whoo!

Are you kidding me? We got a leak at school.

That's a huge exposure risk

and all you could think about is the yearbook?

Okay, it is not just about the superlatives,

it's about the whole new me.

Focus up, guys.

Why does this leak keep respawning?

Maybe we should have vote on class superlaxatives, huh?

[growling]

Okay.

Let's just bart him. Whose turn is it this time?

That would be Lyle. Huzzah.

Do the honors.

For real this time.

Oh, bicyclops. We barely knew ye.

Don't even worry about that test.

You're going to ace it.

Peruvian flute music? Lavender candle?

How did he know I needed pampering?

Because he's all-seeing and all-knowing.

Total guru.

Hey, Wyatt.

I'm co-producing the morning announcements,

and I want you to have your own show.

- Yes! - Reggie, you're canceled.

What?

Angie, where have you been?

I've been looking all over for you.

Guess who's got a new superlative.

What's wrong? You look--

Betrayed.

I don't want to talk about it.

Oh, no, I think you do.

Yeah, it will make you feel better.

My brother Joaquin, he read my diary.

Okay, and he found out something really personal

that I would never tell anybody.

Your email password.

No. Who I'm crushing on.

I mean, can you imagine anything more intrusive

and vile and just unforgivable

than reading someone's most private inner thoughts?

No. Reading your private inner thoughts, no.

You would never do that to me.

Never ever, ever.

Ugh, you're right. That is horrible

that anyone would ever invade your privacy

and read your inner thoughts.

So your brother read your diary.

Why don't you get back at him by writing a fake entry?

Send him on a wild goose chase, huh?

Wow, that's a really good idea.

You know, a lot of people

have been saying how helpful you've been.

It's like those glasses of yours

have some sort of freaky power.

You're like a reverse Clark Kent.

Oh, ha, because I'm like Superman

when I wear the glasses, not the other way around.

Yeah!

Seriously? This guy is like one of those

trick birthday candles that you blow out

and it relights, and you blow it out and it relights,

and you blow it out and it relights!

I messed up big time, guys.

Don't worry. I got extra briefs in my backpack.

I used the glasses on Angie--

- Seriously, briefs? - Yeah.

She's gonna find out, because Angie finds out everything.

And then she's never going to talk to me again.

I'm going to try and track her down

in 20 years and send her an email.

There's not going to be email in 20 years, but-- Oh.

[laughing]

Hey, we all just lost our retainers in the trash can.

So you want to help us find them?

[growling]

All right, Dante, will you hurry up

before people find out there's a monster on the loose.

Bicyclops in the corner pocket.

It's like he didn't see me coming.

Maybe we should get him a pair of glasses like you, Wyatt.

I think I know why our friend keeps respawning all over town.

He's looking for these.

You're nuts if you're suggesting

that those belong to Sir Elevator Eyes.

I mean, how would he even wear--

- Boom. Bingo. - Yeah.

I bet if we give that dude his glasses,

- he'll stop respawning. - Yeah.

Hey, what was that thing you were saying about Angie?

What, that she's got a crush on Philbert?

She has a crush on Philbert?

Oh, man! I should not have told you guys that.

I'm not even supposed to know that.

We got to get rid of these glasses immediately.

Whoa, hold on, man, maybe we could--

Maybe we could use them a little big longer, right?

Why would we want to do that?

So you know when to ask for that extension

on your art project.

Oh, yeah. I have that thing I haven't done.

Right, and besides you could use them

to stay on Angie's good side.

And I could use an assist with Heather.

What's that?

I can't figure out my new girlfriend, guys, okay?

There, you happy now?

Pretty happy. Thank you very much for asking.

One thing, though.

We cannot let Angie know what those glasses do.

What glasses?

Why are you wearing glasses?

Better to see you with.

Let's say you and me go catch a movie this weekend.

I can't.

I have my fencing tournament

that you're not going to,

which is totally cool.

Yeah, baby, I don't care if you say it's cool I don't go.

I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Best loot ever.

Principal Storms,

you're not eating doughnuts because you're hungry.

You are eating doughnuts because you miss your father.

How did I not see it? My father ran a doughnut shop.

It makes perfect sense.

What would really make sense

is if you paid your father a visit.

Maybe bring him a dozen

of hugs.

[bell ringing]

Running morning announcements in the afternoon,

you must be pretty popular.

I don't know if you'd say popular, maybe famous.

Hey, do you want to hang out?

Maybe get some frozen yogurt?

Man, I've totally been craving fro-yo, yes.

And thanks for the idea with the diary.

So I totally wrote that I buried these little mechanical monkeys

outside and what do you know, the little cramp dug

a bazillion holes in the backyard.

Grounded for a month.

Oh, okay.

- Angie. - Hi.

If you wanted to hook up with Philter-the-bert

all you had to do is say the word.

Wyatt told us you were totally crushing on him

and he's totally into you.

Dude, what is wrong with you?

Oh, yeah, we weren't supposed to talk about the glasses.

O...M...G.

What the--

Angie, this is not what you think.

Okay, it's exactly what you think.

I knew that something was up.

Guru of D-Hills High, so you've been using

these little magical thingies to read people's minds,

to read my mind?

Too bad the glasses are broken.

Could have used them to figure out why Angie's so mad.

Shall I tell my parents about my belly button piercing now

or wait till I graduate from college?

Yeah, sure, whatever, tell them now.

No more sage advice today, people.

Guru's got to meditate.

Lyle, everything is borked.

Angie knows about the glasses and then she broke them.

The bicyclops is going to keep respawning

and we can't stop him because his glasses are broken.

Also, our show is totaling going to tank.

The glasses are broken, Lyle! Everything is broken!

Snap out of it! It'll be okay.

Go talk to Max about the bicyclops.

Dante and I will take a crack at the glasses.

I can fix cars.

Glasses can't be that different.

Well, if this doesn't work,

at least I can use it for my art project.

No, man, look, this time we got it,

all right, it's going to work.

You said that four tries ago,

but I'm going to trust you

mostly because I stopped paying attention

three tries ago.

Let's do it.

How did the glasses break?

- Angie. - Angie?

This sounds like a human problem.

I don't do those.

I'm a billionaire.

I have more important things to do.

What important thing are you doing right now?

Enjoying my multi-environment room

and perfecting my electrified robe,

which will keep carbon-based life forms

from getting too close to me.

Why would you want that?

If you get too close to people,

sooner or later you will have a friend

and once you have a friend,

pretty good chance you'll end up with a best friend.

Yeah.

And that's when all the trouble starts.

I mean, that's why you're here, isn't it?

Problem with your best friend?

Yes, in the back.

Angie's my friend but she's not my best friend, or is she?

I never really thought about that.

Maybe you're right.

Human problem!

My nervous system has reached its limit on personal chit chat.

The glasses, you can't physically fix them.

They are a code. You can only fix them by rewriting the code.

Oh, cool, I mean I hack your game all the time.

Thanks, Max.

Aah!

That thing really works.

Not quite, you're still standing.

Touch me again. Come on.

Arts and crafts is over. I know how to fix the glasses.

Done.

Wyatt, only you are the best computer buddy.

You're right,

and there is nothing wrong with that.

♪♪ [vocalizing]

[screaming]

I got this.

Careful.

Here you go, buddy.

Great.

Okay, all right.

Oh, he just wanted to read.

What's that reading there, buddy?

"How to mutilate humans!"

Aah!

Tulta Munille!

Is now an okay time to talk?

What, you can't tell without your glasses?

Angie, I'm sorry I read your mind.

I got carried away.

I don't want to be the class guru.

I just want be your friend.

It was super wrong of you to read my thoughts.

Okay, and super, super wrong to tell Dante and Lyle about it.

It's almost unforgivable.

Almost?

You owe some serious future favors.

Well, I notice you have what somewhat resembles a gift.

It's a diary. Designed it myself. Unhackable.

Wow, that's--that's really thoughtful, thank you.

Well.

Good best friend.

Wait. You knew we were best friends?

Yeah, don't get your boxers in a bunch.

We're not going to go out

and get matching BFF bracelets or anything.

- Hey, computer buddy. - Hi.

I did what you said.

I told my parents about my belly button ring,

and now I can't go to prom or get my driver's license!

Well, at least you can sleep well at night

knowing you told the truth.

You can go scrank it, Wyatt!

And another thing, you show stinks.

You're cancelled!

- Okay. - Yeah.

Classic Wyatt, everyone. Classic Wyatt.

Thanks.