Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,020 --> 00:00:03,859
2
00:00:03,860 --> 00:00:06,570
What, too soon?
3
00:00:25,140 --> 00:00:26,380
Aah!
4
00:00:38,740 --> 00:00:39,920
D'oh!
5
00:00:45,441 --> 00:00:46,449
Avast there.
6
00:00:46,450 --> 00:00:48,940
It be too late to alter course, matey.
7
00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:51,950
And there be pirates
lurking in every cove.
8
00:00:51,952 --> 00:00:53,000
Get to the ride.
9
00:00:56,432 --> 00:00:58,621
Did they get a picture?
10
00:01:05,295 --> 00:01:09,010
Welcome to our first-ever
night of dramatic scenes
11
00:01:09,019 --> 00:01:11,133
written by our students.
12
00:01:11,134 --> 00:01:14,386
Should we silence our
cell phones and pagers?
13
00:01:14,387 --> 00:01:15,979
No, no, no, please,
I beg you, leave them on.
14
00:01:15,980 --> 00:01:18,139
An-And here-here's some candy to unwrap.
15
00:01:20,270 --> 00:01:24,059
And now, an new scene
from the CW's Riverdale.
16
00:01:25,810 --> 00:01:29,039
Jughead, there's been a murder
at Pop's Chock'lit Shoppe
17
00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:31,339
and it's up to us kids to solve it.
18
00:01:31,340 --> 00:01:33,479
I can't deal with that right now.
19
00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:36,242
My dad's in jail and the
only way to get him out
20
00:01:36,243 --> 00:01:37,739
is to try drugs.
21
00:01:37,740 --> 00:01:40,910
We're both pregnant
with Big Moose's babies.
22
00:01:43,540 --> 00:01:47,179
Wait. So this is a play
based on a YouTube
23
00:01:47,180 --> 00:01:49,519
of kids playing a video game?
24
00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:51,879
- That's right.
- It's about time.
25
00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:53,639
Okay, to get their chug jugs,
26
00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:55,919
I could snipe these guys out one by one,
27
00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:58,019
but the smarter move
is to plant a charge
28
00:01:58,020 --> 00:01:59,779
at the base of their attack platform
29
00:01:59,780 --> 00:02:01,599
and skull-splat 'em when they land.
30
00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:03,989
Hey, guys, if you want
more game hacks like this,
31
00:02:03,990 --> 00:02:05,619
be sure to smash our like button
32
00:02:05,620 --> 00:02:07,740
and subscribe to our channel.
33
00:02:07,744 --> 00:02:10,399
Up next, night vision fails.
34
00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:11,799
How is this a play?
35
00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:13,459
Well, sir, video game walk-throughs
36
00:02:13,460 --> 00:02:15,340
are the only narrative
most of these kids
37
00:02:15,350 --> 00:02:16,360
have been exposed to.
38
00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:18,826
- This is their Becket.
- Who?
39
00:02:18,827 --> 00:02:20,989
Are you Terry Bradshaw?
40
00:02:20,990 --> 00:02:23,919
No. It's, uh, Donny Osmond.
41
00:02:23,920 --> 00:02:26,333
Boner. Boner from Growing Pains.
42
00:02:26,334 --> 00:02:29,189
You're all wrong. My real identity is...
43
00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:31,039
Flavor Flav!
44
00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:33,539
Flavor Flav? I've heard of you.
45
00:02:33,540 --> 00:02:35,419
I've heard of you so much.
46
00:02:35,420 --> 00:02:38,849
I am such a huge fan of your
movies, books, or music.
47
00:02:38,850 --> 00:02:41,279
I can also pretend to be impressed.
48
00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:42,519
The end.
49
00:02:43,727 --> 00:02:46,319
Wake up. Lisa's next.
50
00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:49,659
Oh, no, please. I'm
having the best dream.
51
00:02:49,660 --> 00:02:52,439
I was in my warm, cozy grave.
52
00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:55,919
Well, I'm gonna dream about
me in a soft, cuddly crypt.
53
00:02:55,920 --> 00:02:59,449
- Yeah...
- Ah...
54
00:02:59,450 --> 00:03:02,419
Amazingly, this next piece
is not based on something
55
00:03:02,420 --> 00:03:04,179
you watch on your phone or a gas pump,
56
00:03:04,180 --> 00:03:06,239
but is actually an
honest-to-goodness play,
57
00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:08,879
by Lisa "Thank God You're
a Throwback" Simpson.
58
00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:10,419
And so I give you
59
00:03:10,420 --> 00:03:13,299
Long Day's Journey Into Light Beer.
60
00:03:13,300 --> 00:03:15,619
Where's my beer, Marjorie?
61
00:03:15,620 --> 00:03:19,959
I spent all day making
sure this beer was cold.
62
00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:23,339
Aah! I make bad choices.
63
00:03:23,340 --> 00:03:25,579
Lisa's really nailed the Hibberts.
64
00:03:26,602 --> 00:03:29,219
Uh, yo, dude, my catchphrases
65
00:03:29,220 --> 00:03:32,060
are as outdated as my slingshot.
66
00:03:32,066 --> 00:03:33,483
Ay, caramba!
67
00:03:33,484 --> 00:03:36,739
Oh, Mom, it's so hard being
a straight-A student
68
00:03:36,740 --> 00:03:40,139
with a social conscience
who writes amazing plays.
69
00:03:40,140 --> 00:03:42,599
The only stable thing
in this house is you,
70
00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:45,039
making every day the same as the last.
71
00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:46,919
Exactly the same.
72
00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:48,959
Like the coffee maker says,
73
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:50,739
things will perk up.
74
00:03:50,740 --> 00:03:53,079
I thought you were the coffee maker.
75
00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:55,299
You can learn a lot from percolators.
76
00:03:55,300 --> 00:03:58,091
Make the most of the daily grind.
77
00:03:58,092 --> 00:04:01,039
The mother character is such a snooze.
78
00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:03,220
Ralph has nothing to play against.
79
00:04:03,222 --> 00:04:05,307
They think I'm boring.
80
00:04:05,308 --> 00:04:07,350
This play is about us!
81
00:04:07,351 --> 00:04:10,519
Today I decided to be a race car driver,
82
00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:12,559
so I was, then I quit.
83
00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:14,790
I also have exciting news.
84
00:04:14,797 --> 00:04:17,399
I converted four soap slivers
85
00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:19,360
into practically a new bar.
86
00:04:19,363 --> 00:04:22,319
Is this how the world sees me... as a...
87
00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:24,640
How do the kids say lame-o these days?
88
00:04:24,650 --> 00:04:26,709
We say lame-o, you lame-o.
89
00:04:26,710 --> 00:04:29,879
Suck, suck. And I felt like the ghost
90
00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:31,460
belonging to the fog.
91
00:04:31,463 --> 00:04:33,980
And the fog was the ghost of the sea.
92
00:04:33,983 --> 00:04:35,649
Suck, suck.
93
00:04:41,490 --> 00:04:43,640
You really think I'm that boring?
94
00:04:43,650 --> 00:04:45,970
Lisa, you made someone feel sad,
95
00:04:45,977 --> 00:04:49,350
which is not what a drama about
a family is supposed to do.
96
00:04:49,356 --> 00:04:51,119
Marge, could we get a picture?
97
00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:52,900
Okay.
98
00:04:55,060 --> 00:04:57,442
_
99
00:04:57,443 --> 00:04:58,840
So all the generations...
100
00:04:58,841 --> 00:05:01,112
Boring. They think I'm boring.
101
00:05:01,113 --> 00:05:02,822
I'll show them who's boring.
102
00:05:02,823 --> 00:05:06,299
Now, this morning, Marge Simpson
has insistently volunteered
103
00:05:06,300 --> 00:05:07,650
to read a passage.
104
00:05:07,660 --> 00:05:10,789
She says she's gonna
bring her own spin to it.
105
00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:14,830
Now, a reading from John, 18:38,
106
00:05:14,839 --> 00:05:17,462
between Pontius Pilate and Jesus.
107
00:05:17,463 --> 00:05:18,964
Marge! Marge! Marge!
108
00:05:18,965 --> 00:05:20,879
Hey-a Jesus,
109
00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:22,119
what's a matter for you?
110
00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:23,819
You saying youse a king?
111
00:05:23,820 --> 00:05:25,060
He was Roman,
112
00:05:25,070 --> 00:05:27,180
that's why I'm doing the accent.
113
00:05:29,016 --> 00:05:32,959
Anyhoo, Jesus answered,
and I think it might have gone
114
00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:34,439
something like this.
115
00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:36,780
I'm not a king, I'm a carpenter.
116
00:05:36,787 --> 00:05:38,299
A Jewish carpenter.
117
00:05:38,300 --> 00:05:40,879
The only thing I nail are my SATs.
118
00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:43,560
So then, Pontius says to the elders,
119
00:05:43,570 --> 00:05:47,117
"This-a Jesus, he-a
look like a nice-a guy."
120
00:05:47,118 --> 00:05:48,759
Nobody talk-a like-a that.
121
00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:50,259
I make a nice-a sentence.
122
00:05:50,260 --> 00:05:52,619
Just like-a Mama used to construct.
123
00:05:52,620 --> 00:05:54,599
- Oh...
- Can we just hear
124
00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:56,119
Lovejoy's sermon, please?
125
00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:57,544
Yeah, Marge, read the room.
126
00:05:57,545 --> 00:05:59,213
Mm...
127
00:06:00,730 --> 00:06:03,260
You need this more than we do, lady.
128
00:06:13,978 --> 00:06:17,119
Boring. That's what this
straight-A Girl Scout
129
00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:18,980
has become... boring.
130
00:06:23,660 --> 00:06:26,099
You just had a near-death experience.
131
00:06:26,100 --> 00:06:27,319
That's exciting.
132
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:30,280
Whoo! What a rich life you lead, Mom.
133
00:06:31,266 --> 00:06:33,079
I'm going to bed.
134
00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:36,579
That will really turn around
your boring reputation.
135
00:06:36,580 --> 00:06:38,579
Shh.
136
00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:02,460
Don't worry, Homer, I'll chop the wood.
137
00:07:02,470 --> 00:07:03,526
Like always.
138
00:07:03,527 --> 00:07:05,780
I have to do everything.
139
00:07:05,783 --> 00:07:07,197
Even chop the trees.
140
00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:11,299
- Hyah!
- Whoa!
141
00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:12,710
Hyah!
142
00:07:12,716 --> 00:07:14,579
Hyah!
143
00:07:14,580 --> 00:07:18,439
Mmm. I know where she can put
that chopping to good use.
144
00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:20,319
- Homer's neck?
- No.
145
00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:22,713
He doesn't have one. Something better.
146
00:07:24,540 --> 00:07:27,300
Lower your right hand.
Gives you more power.
147
00:07:27,305 --> 00:07:29,649
Hmm.
148
00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:31,319
Thanks, um...
149
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:33,139
Paula. Friend of Patty's.
150
00:07:33,140 --> 00:07:34,739
We met at Burning Woman.
151
00:07:34,740 --> 00:07:36,179
Nice job on that wood.
152
00:07:36,180 --> 00:07:38,039
I helped.
153
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,579
Yeah, you helped, all right.
154
00:07:39,580 --> 00:07:41,669
You helped that hammock kiss the ground.
155
00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:43,316
D'oh.
156
00:07:43,317 --> 00:07:44,980
Marge, I don't know if you know this,
157
00:07:44,989 --> 00:07:47,655
but I'm a top-level
contender at Timbersports.
158
00:07:47,656 --> 00:07:49,219
That's so interesting.
159
00:07:49,220 --> 00:07:51,658
How does it feel to be magnificent?
160
00:07:51,659 --> 00:07:52,742
I'll show you.
161
00:07:52,743 --> 00:07:55,829
♪ The only card I need
is the ace of spades ♪
162
00:07:55,830 --> 00:07:58,081
♪ The ace of spades. ♪
163
00:08:00,835 --> 00:08:03,079
That is a fascinating hobby.
164
00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:05,699
Timbersports is more than a hobby.
165
00:08:05,700 --> 00:08:08,430
It's an unpaid passion that
you do in your spare time.
166
00:08:08,438 --> 00:08:10,678
Now, we're going to the woods.
167
00:08:12,596 --> 00:08:14,439
Ah.
168
00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:16,299
- What are you doing?
- Breathing.
169
00:08:16,300 --> 00:08:18,602
Breathing for the first time in my life.
170
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,310
Ah.
171
00:08:22,420 --> 00:08:24,400
Can I do one thing
172
00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:26,029
for the knots in your shoulders?
173
00:08:26,030 --> 00:08:27,030
Sure.
174
00:08:27,031 --> 00:08:29,379
Aah... Ooh, ooh! Ooh!
175
00:08:29,380 --> 00:08:32,449
Not so... Oh.
176
00:08:32,450 --> 00:08:35,119
Now, to motivate your chopping,
177
00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:38,449
think of things that make you mad.
178
00:08:38,450 --> 00:08:41,159
Oh, nothing really makes me mad.
179
00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:44,519
Mom, Lisa won't stay on her
side of the thought bubble.
180
00:08:46,710 --> 00:08:49,640
You have five seconds to live.
181
00:08:49,650 --> 00:08:52,560
So do you, idiot. We're
in the same bubble.
182
00:08:52,570 --> 00:08:54,387
My final words are Lisa sucks!
183
00:08:56,140 --> 00:08:59,229
She's a natural.
184
00:09:02,897 --> 00:09:05,270
♪ I walked into the forest ♪
185
00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:07,779
♪ So beautiful and green ♪
186
00:09:07,780 --> 00:09:09,990
♪ And there I saw a woman ♪
187
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:12,879
♪ Who was chopping down a tree ♪
188
00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:15,099
♪ The sawdust was flyin' ♪
189
00:09:15,100 --> 00:09:17,580
♪ She was spinnin' on a log ♪
190
00:09:17,582 --> 00:09:20,319
♪ On her waist was
strapped a tool belt ♪
191
00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:23,169
♪ With a Black & Decker saw ♪
192
00:09:23,170 --> 00:09:25,940
♪ Vroom, vroom, pull the cord ♪
193
00:09:25,950 --> 00:09:28,510
♪ Buzz, buzz, just one more ♪
194
00:09:28,518 --> 00:09:31,159
♪ Roar, roar, what a thrill ♪
195
00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:33,469
♪ With Lumberjill ♪
196
00:09:33,470 --> 00:09:36,199
♪ Vroom, vroom, pull the cord ♪
197
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:38,619
♪ Buzz, buzz, just one more ♪
198
00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:41,310
♪ Roar, roar, what a thrill ♪
199
00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:45,270
♪ With Lumberjill. ♪
200
00:09:47,108 --> 00:09:49,530
Ooh, ooh...
201
00:09:49,550 --> 00:09:52,529
Ooh, ooh...
202
00:09:52,530 --> 00:09:55,060
_
203
00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:00,079
I'm Chip Bunyan, eh, and welcome
204
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:02,509
to the Springfield Timbersports Pro-Am.
205
00:10:02,510 --> 00:10:05,999
I'm here with former NBA
analyst Anger Watkins.
206
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:09,499
Timbersports. Timber sports?
207
00:10:09,500 --> 00:10:13,259
I snap one P.A.'s bra strap,
and this is where I land?
208
00:10:13,260 --> 00:10:16,099
Who is the Lebron of this
thing? No one will tell me.
209
00:10:16,100 --> 00:10:17,779
His name is Matt Cogar.
210
00:10:17,780 --> 00:10:19,579
Is his nickname The Cougar?
211
00:10:19,580 --> 00:10:21,540
No, his nickname is Matt.
212
00:10:21,550 --> 00:10:23,279
Matt isn't a nickname.
213
00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:24,699
It's a name name.
214
00:10:24,700 --> 00:10:26,759
I'd storm out of here right now
215
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:28,939
if I weren't so terrified of squirrels.
216
00:10:28,940 --> 00:10:30,520
Take my money! Take it!
217
00:10:30,526 --> 00:10:32,939
I'm glad Mom's found a passion,
218
00:10:32,940 --> 00:10:35,620
but I wish she didn't have
to kill all those trees.
219
00:10:35,630 --> 00:10:38,719
I read that trees are the
cause of global warming.
220
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:39,989
Where'd you read that?
221
00:10:39,990 --> 00:10:41,639
My new fourth grade science book.
222
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:52,719
And they're off, displaying
lots of forest gumption, eh?
223
00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:54,479
First we have Nelson Muntz.
224
00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:57,679
He's ten years old, but,
man, is it a hard ten.
225
00:11:01,680 --> 00:11:04,239
Hey. That's my boy.
226
00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:07,271
He gets his pole skills from his mama.
227
00:11:11,817 --> 00:11:15,419
Oh! Marge Simpson takes the lead!
228
00:11:15,420 --> 00:11:17,258
No one saw this coming,
229
00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:19,320
because no one was watching.
230
00:11:19,325 --> 00:11:22,953
What could possibly be her motivation?
231
00:11:24,083 --> 00:11:26,498
I'm not boring!
232
00:11:30,377 --> 00:11:32,129
- Woo-hoo!
- Yay!
233
00:11:33,030 --> 00:11:36,699
You magnificent she-beast.
234
00:11:36,700 --> 00:11:38,840
All our sweaty passion
235
00:11:38,850 --> 00:11:40,929
and grunting paid off.
236
00:11:40,930 --> 00:11:42,439
Now's the time I should tell you.
237
00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:44,139
Paula is gay.
238
00:11:44,140 --> 00:11:46,601
Aw. She made a friend.
239
00:11:46,602 --> 00:11:49,020
You've made me a new woman.
240
00:11:49,021 --> 00:11:51,219
Oh. Should I be concerned?
241
00:11:51,220 --> 00:11:54,840
It's no weirder than that time
our knees touched under the bar.
242
00:11:54,850 --> 00:11:56,499
You still think about that?
243
00:11:56,500 --> 00:11:58,363
Every day.
244
00:11:59,698 --> 00:12:03,579
Aw. I haven't been this
happy in a long time.
245
00:12:03,580 --> 00:12:07,019
You were great, but I have a question.
246
00:12:07,020 --> 00:12:08,819
Do you want to take
it to the next level?
247
00:12:08,820 --> 00:12:09,879
What do you mean?
248
00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:11,919
Will you ride the blade with me?
249
00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:15,119
You know, help me bow
the jagged-toothed fiddle?
250
00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:16,539
I don't understand.
251
00:12:16,540 --> 00:12:18,549
Draw and drag the sequoia widow-maker.
252
00:12:18,550 --> 00:12:20,969
You're gonna have to tell me
what you're talking about.
253
00:12:20,970 --> 00:12:24,555
Will you be my partner on
the double-ended bucksaw?
254
00:12:24,556 --> 00:12:27,226
You really think that
I have what it takes?
255
00:12:27,227 --> 00:12:28,619
I know you do.
256
00:12:28,620 --> 00:12:30,699
But if we do this,
257
00:12:30,700 --> 00:12:33,679
you'll have to train with me
for a month, in Portland.
258
00:12:33,680 --> 00:12:37,068
A month? Oh, no, I can't
leave Homer that long.
259
00:12:48,900 --> 00:12:50,650
_
260
00:12:54,336 --> 00:12:57,329
Oh. Fantasies can be good?
261
00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:02,139
Good to have you back.
262
00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:07,439
Boy, am I beat.
263
00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:08,999
Homie, I feel like
264
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,959
I'm my very best self
in these competitions.
265
00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:13,219
You are, honey.
266
00:13:13,220 --> 00:13:17,059
In a way I could never make
you feel or comprehend.
267
00:13:17,060 --> 00:13:18,639
Paula wants me to train with her.
268
00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:20,199
If I do, I'll be gone for a month.
269
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,903
A month? We've never
been apart that long.
270
00:13:22,904 --> 00:13:25,659
I miss you when we're
separated in a revolving door.
271
00:13:25,660 --> 00:13:27,979
I miss you when I'm putting
a sweater over my head.
272
00:13:27,980 --> 00:13:30,560
I miss you when I close
my eyes during a sneeze.
273
00:13:30,570 --> 00:13:33,199
I miss you when the clock
springs ahead an hour.
274
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:35,000
We'll never get that time back.
275
00:13:35,002 --> 00:13:37,739
Homer, do you really want me to stay,
276
00:13:37,740 --> 00:13:39,959
knowing how much I need this
277
00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:41,919
to feel good about myself?
278
00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:43,479
Yes, I do.
279
00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:45,379
What? What?
280
00:13:45,380 --> 00:13:46,559
Where you going?
281
00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:48,479
She might leave and never come back.
282
00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:50,419
Just like the McRib.
283
00:13:53,130 --> 00:13:56,880
_
284
00:13:59,550 --> 00:14:02,070
_
285
00:14:04,740 --> 00:14:05,749
_
286
00:14:05,750 --> 00:14:07,242
_
287
00:14:07,243 --> 00:14:09,730
_
288
00:14:09,745 --> 00:14:10,749
_
289
00:14:10,750 --> 00:14:13,059
Oh. I forgot to unlock the door.
290
00:14:13,060 --> 00:14:15,079
God, how insulting to people.
291
00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:17,399
So nervous about seeing your mother.
292
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:19,019
Let's just enjoy Portland.
293
00:14:19,020 --> 00:14:21,329
I mean, I can't believe we've
never been here before.
294
00:14:21,330 --> 00:14:24,019
Indigenous artworks, craft breweries,
295
00:14:24,020 --> 00:14:25,519
independent movie theaters...
296
00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:27,679
and that's just in one coffee shop.
297
00:14:31,010 --> 00:14:33,039
Comic Book Guy?
298
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,999
Yes, I often come here to recharge.
299
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,850
In Portland I'm quirky,
rather than objectionable.
300
00:14:37,856 --> 00:14:39,274
Do you sell comic books here?
301
00:14:39,275 --> 00:14:42,039
No. Marijuana. And artisanal salami.
302
00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:44,109
Laced with marijuana.
303
00:14:54,790 --> 00:14:57,289
Stupid Flanders Street.
304
00:14:57,290 --> 00:15:00,120
Okay, this is where your mom is.
305
00:15:00,129 --> 00:15:01,399
Help me get her back.
306
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,200
Please help me get her back.
307
00:15:04,940 --> 00:15:07,679
Ooh. Hello, Nicolas Cage.
308
00:15:08,850 --> 00:15:11,699
Dad, she's gonna know
that's not your real hair.
309
00:15:11,700 --> 00:15:14,779
You've got to have a modicum
of faith in who you are.
310
00:15:14,780 --> 00:15:16,180
It's a snap.
311
00:15:17,441 --> 00:15:19,649
Cool.
312
00:15:19,650 --> 00:15:22,179
Welcome, new friend,
313
00:15:22,180 --> 00:15:23,359
whoever you are.
314
00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:25,419
Homie!
315
00:15:25,420 --> 00:15:27,071
You're here a day early.
316
00:15:27,072 --> 00:15:29,099
Mom!
317
00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:32,699
Mm. Oh, I've missed you all so much.
318
00:15:32,700 --> 00:15:34,179
How are you guys?
319
00:15:34,180 --> 00:15:36,989
Oh! We were, of course, unraveling.
320
00:15:36,990 --> 00:15:40,399
Bart, Lisa, your grampa is
taking good care of you.
321
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:41,880
Now where's the baby?
322
00:15:43,318 --> 00:15:45,840
Aw. Good girl.
323
00:15:45,841 --> 00:15:48,426
Um, I like what you're wearing.
324
00:15:48,427 --> 00:15:51,239
Thank you. These are
locally-sourced dungarees
325
00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:52,619
and Pendleton flannel.
326
00:15:52,620 --> 00:15:54,119
It's what Jill Sobule wore
327
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:55,979
when she played the Crystal Ballroom.
328
00:15:55,980 --> 00:15:57,919
Jill Sobule?
329
00:15:57,920 --> 00:16:01,419
Like every other place
we go, I love Portland.
330
00:16:01,420 --> 00:16:03,659
So much, I want to leave Springfield
331
00:16:03,660 --> 00:16:06,559
until I find out something
bad that makes me realize
332
00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:08,199
that there's no place like home.
333
00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:11,359
Now, now, your mother
has not settled in here.
334
00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:12,439
Welcome.
335
00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:15,453
These are our pugs: Nike and Swoosh.
336
00:16:15,454 --> 00:16:16,790
Mwah.
337
00:16:17,873 --> 00:16:19,541
_
338
00:16:20,190 --> 00:16:21,877
_
339
00:16:31,220 --> 00:16:34,889
Marjorie, could you and I
have a word in the backyard?
340
00:16:34,890 --> 00:16:36,807
Don't you see what's happening here?
341
00:16:36,808 --> 00:16:39,699
- You're married.
- Yes, I know.
342
00:16:39,700 --> 00:16:42,779
- To you.
- No, to her. Look around.
343
00:16:42,780 --> 00:16:45,619
You're married in the two most
important ways there are:
344
00:16:45,620 --> 00:16:48,059
emotionally and cooking.
345
00:16:48,060 --> 00:16:50,479
Oh. That's ridiculous.
346
00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:52,999
You're fostering pugs.
347
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,034
- They remind me of you.
- Aw.
348
00:16:55,035 --> 00:16:58,039
But I am upset. I'm
finally good at something
349
00:16:58,040 --> 00:16:59,789
and you have to be jealous.
350
00:16:59,790 --> 00:17:02,219
Marge, sweetie, I'm really proud of you.
351
00:17:02,220 --> 00:17:03,760
I'm not jealous or mad.
352
00:17:03,770 --> 00:17:06,499
It's just... when are you coming home?
353
00:17:06,500 --> 00:17:08,900
Tomorrow, after the competition.
354
00:17:08,903 --> 00:17:10,900
Woo-hoo! I win.
355
00:17:10,905 --> 00:17:13,220
Not that I was nervous.
356
00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:17,549
_
357
00:17:17,550 --> 00:17:20,199
Unless we win, in which case,
358
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:22,699
I might stay and prep for the finals.
359
00:17:22,700 --> 00:17:25,419
Marge, I've backed you
in this from day one.
360
00:17:25,420 --> 00:17:27,099
No, you haven't. Not a bit.
361
00:17:27,100 --> 00:17:29,480
Then it's too late to start now.
362
00:17:34,825 --> 00:17:36,879
Oh, I'm sitting in a bar
363
00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:39,699
and my wife's in love
with a female lumberjack.
364
00:17:39,700 --> 00:17:41,699
Classic Portland. Where are you from?
365
00:17:41,700 --> 00:17:42,859
Springfield.
366
00:17:42,860 --> 00:17:45,569
- Which one? Oregon?
- I don't know.
367
00:17:45,570 --> 00:17:47,739
Welcome back to the Grizzly Timbersports
368
00:17:47,740 --> 00:17:49,879
Northwest Championship Finals,
369
00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:51,899
brought to you by no one.
370
00:17:51,900 --> 00:17:53,093
Still looking.
371
00:17:54,428 --> 00:17:56,929
Marge and Paula are in control.
372
00:17:56,930 --> 00:17:59,307
I am falling in love with this sport.
373
00:17:59,308 --> 00:18:01,769
And when I fall, I fall hard.
374
00:18:01,770 --> 00:18:03,819
I'm taking you home with me.
375
00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:07,769
Hold the Stella, fella.
376
00:18:07,770 --> 00:18:11,319
Carol "Oak" Connor and
Rachel "The Pine" Cohen
377
00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:12,862
have taken command.
378
00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:17,959
I can't be silent anymore.
Let me through.
379
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:19,449
- Eh.
- There's plenty of room.
380
00:18:19,450 --> 00:18:21,839
Marge, I was a lumber-jerk.
381
00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:23,799
I'm only happy if you're happy.
382
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:25,799
Our love is like an old tree.
383
00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:29,369
If you cut it down,
it grows back stronger.
384
00:18:29,370 --> 00:18:31,199
Um, that's not how trees work.
385
00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:33,119
Well, according to my book, it is.
386
00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:34,470
_
387
00:18:37,429 --> 00:18:40,179
Yay! All right.
388
00:18:40,180 --> 00:18:42,159
I love this sport!
389
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:45,859
And maybe now I can
love my lumberjack son.
390
00:18:47,690 --> 00:18:50,179
Ladies and gentlemen, our grand champion
391
00:18:50,180 --> 00:18:53,899
and winner of a Bass Pro
Shops $50 gift card,
392
00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:55,159
Marge Simpson.
393
00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:57,820
All right, champ!
394
00:18:58,620 --> 00:19:00,199
See you in the showers.
395
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:02,199
Congratulations, Paula.
396
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:05,529
You won. Enjoy the hell out of her.
397
00:19:05,530 --> 00:19:08,539
Homer, what is it you
think that I've won?
398
00:19:08,540 --> 00:19:10,479
With me, Marge is a good woman.
399
00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:12,499
With you, Marge is a great woman
400
00:19:12,500 --> 00:19:13,882
with two awesome dogs.
401
00:19:13,883 --> 00:19:15,919
I'm not interested in Marge.
402
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,799
- I have a wife and a kid.
- You have a wife?
403
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:20,939
She's in Tokyo,
training for the Olympics.
404
00:19:20,940 --> 00:19:24,499
She dances... with the ribbons?
405
00:19:24,500 --> 00:19:25,579
I don't know what it's called.
406
00:19:25,580 --> 00:19:27,719
So you're not breaking us up?
407
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:30,799
No. I mean, I'll miss her on
the other end of the bucksaw,
408
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:34,179
and I'll really miss that
$80 grand prize money,
409
00:19:34,180 --> 00:19:37,071
but she's welcome to come
up here and train any time.
410
00:19:37,072 --> 00:19:40,099
I am so grateful. I want
to do something for you.
411
00:19:40,100 --> 00:19:41,359
If you'd like another kid,
412
00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:44,039
I am more than happy
to offer up my sperm.
413
00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:46,079
That's very kind, but...
414
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,279
No really, I've always
wanted to have a kid
415
00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:50,079
with no responsibilities.
416
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:51,919
All right. You're in the top three.
417
00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:54,756
It's you, the track star
or the Harvard professor.
418
00:19:54,757 --> 00:19:56,139
Oh, I get it.
419
00:19:56,140 --> 00:19:58,199
Instead of sperm, would you like semen?
420
00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:01,139
- They're the same thing.
- They are? Uh-oh.
421
00:20:01,140 --> 00:20:03,499
Oh, it still feels weird.
422
00:20:03,500 --> 00:20:04,959
I don't know what to say to her.
423
00:20:06,420 --> 00:20:09,059
I never would've thought of that.
424
00:20:09,060 --> 00:20:11,399
Honey, would you like to come home?
425
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:13,700
Aw. Okay.
426
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:18,519
Your daddy loves you, sweetie.
427
00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:19,739
He wants to make sure
428
00:20:19,740 --> 00:20:22,616
you're always a strong,
confident little lady.
429
00:20:22,617 --> 00:20:25,030
So I went out and got you this.
430
00:20:26,070 --> 00:20:27,860
Mwah.
431
00:20:30,750 --> 00:20:33,899
Aw, her baby head fell out.
432
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:37,100
You'll be getting a visit
from the Head Fairy.
30142
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
