Original subtitles

(steady electronic music)

- What's up, man?

- I know you're the investigator and everything,

but I couldn't help notice ...

How do I put this?

You know I'm gay, right?

- No, actually, I didn't.

- Okay, well, I'm gay.

- Okay, great.

- And being a gay man and single and shit,

I occasionally go on Said's List.

Yeah, you sent me your picture.

- Okay, look.

I would never send my picture online, ever, okay?

I only did it this one time.

- Yeah, and I was interested,

but you should know being new here,

it's probably not a good idea

to send real photos of yourself.

- Look, I would only send my picture

if I was planning on actually meeting up with somebody.

- Yeah, and it was me.

But you just started working with Jen,

and I really, really need this job, so I ...

- You blew me off.

- Yeah.

Look, there's more.

I was in State Park Kalakaua the other day.

I couldn't figure out what you were doing with Swell,

I figured Jen must've introduced you,

and I should've left it there,

but I being a nosy fucking fag, I just decided to--

- You followed us?

- Yeah.

- I'm officially freaked out.

- Hey, no, listen.

I promise you I won't say anything to anyone ever.

Honestly, I'm pretty jealous at how lucky you are.

I mean, Swell.

Making out and everything, that's just crazy.

- Look, nobody knows about us, okay?

And he would be pissed if anybody found out, okay?

So, look, this whole thing is just getting out of control.

- Has this been going on for a while?

- No.

Well, yeah. - Wow.

Swell.

Oh my God, if Jen ever found out she would shit bricks

and then pound our skulls in with them.

- Jen's not gonna find out.

- No, but trust me.

You can trust me, okay?

So this is not just a one-time thing, then?

- No.

- Wow.

Shit.

- Okay, I'm freaking out.

- About what?

- This whole thing.

This is all pretty new to me.

- Oh, the guy thing.

- The guy thing, all of it.

- I remember your initial emails, you did seem pretty green.

- Okay.

- Look, I promise you I won't ask any more questions, okay?

Even though I'm really dying to know.

- Yeah, well I appreciate that.

- Does Swell have a big dick?

- You know what? - Sorry.

- Seriously, I'm about to lose it.

I don't even know what to do, please!

- Okay.

I'm sorry.

It's a small town, I just happen to know you

and I think you're really attractive,

and I just don't, I don't want you to think

that I will go and tell anyone, okay?

And seriously, if you ever need to talk to someone,

I can be a good friend too.

- Thanks.

(steady electronic music)