All language subtitles for Silicon Valley - 06x03 - Hooli Smokes!.TBS.English.C.updated.Addic7ed.com

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,927 At this point I could stand to be a little perverted. 2 00:00:01,928 --> 00:00:03,878 Yeah, I wanna be a lot perverted. 3 00:00:03,879 --> 00:00:07,381 We'll be profitable and up 5X inside three years. 4 00:00:07,382 --> 00:00:09,551 You've got three months. 5 00:00:10,982 --> 00:00:13,133 - What is this? - My resignation letter. 6 00:00:13,134 --> 00:00:14,468 Laurie, what are you doing here? 7 00:00:14,469 --> 00:00:16,845 I've made myself the CEO of the OwlNet. 8 00:00:16,846 --> 00:00:18,271 This is who you're walking away for? 9 00:00:18,272 --> 00:00:20,349 - This... George R. R.... - No, no, no. No! 10 00:00:20,350 --> 00:00:22,686 - Oh my god! - You did this, Richard! 11 00:00:23,728 --> 00:00:25,854 Cheers to our future endeavors together. 12 00:00:25,855 --> 00:00:29,942 We will not mine user data. 13 00:00:29,943 --> 00:00:31,193 I was very clear about that. 14 00:00:31,194 --> 00:00:33,195 If you do not take my money, Richard... 15 00:00:33,196 --> 00:00:36,282 it will be very bad for you. 16 00:00:37,126 --> 00:00:42,126 - Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com - 17 00:00:51,756 --> 00:00:54,133 - A billion dollars? - Yes. 18 00:00:54,134 --> 00:00:59,471 A man offered us a billion dollars, 19 00:00:59,472 --> 00:01:01,682 and you said no? 20 00:01:01,683 --> 00:01:03,717 A very bad man, and he would've turned us 21 00:01:03,718 --> 00:01:05,552 into the worst possible version of ourselves. 22 00:01:05,553 --> 00:01:07,271 I mean, you can't put a price on ethics. 23 00:01:07,272 --> 00:01:09,356 But it seems you just did. 24 00:01:09,357 --> 00:01:11,442 One billion dollars. 25 00:01:11,443 --> 00:01:14,571 Monica... you were okay with this? 26 00:01:15,655 --> 00:01:16,781 Y-Yes? 27 00:01:17,740 --> 00:01:19,366 Richard, 28 00:01:19,367 --> 00:01:20,947 do you remember when you turned down 29 00:01:20,948 --> 00:01:22,686 $10 million from Gavin Belson? 30 00:01:22,687 --> 00:01:26,331 Did that start some sick addiction to turning down money? 31 00:01:26,332 --> 00:01:30,586 Are you just chasing that dragon, you sick junkie fuck?! 32 00:01:30,587 --> 00:01:33,638 Now, Dinesh, look, if I'd taken that 10 million, 33 00:01:33,639 --> 00:01:35,317 you wouldn't own two and a half percent 34 00:01:35,318 --> 00:01:36,500 of everything we've built here! 35 00:01:36,501 --> 00:01:39,997 Two and a half percent of a billion dollars is $25 million! 36 00:01:39,998 --> 00:01:42,661 Yes, but, actually, the billion dollars 37 00:01:42,662 --> 00:01:44,663 was to own ten percent of the company. 38 00:01:44,664 --> 00:01:47,458 So, not to split hairs, you would, uh, technically, 39 00:01:47,459 --> 00:01:49,585 be worth... 250 million. 40 00:01:49,586 --> 00:01:51,031 - Fuck! - Huh. 41 00:01:51,032 --> 00:01:53,422 At an interest rate of 3.65 percent, 42 00:01:53,423 --> 00:01:55,799 leaving a billion dollars in the bank would get you 43 00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:57,676 $36.5 million a year. 44 00:01:57,677 --> 00:01:59,970 That's a hundred grand a day. That's... 45 00:01:59,971 --> 00:02:02,932 - Sixty-nine dollars a minute. - Sixty-nine dollars a minute! 46 00:02:02,933 --> 00:02:05,059 Think about all the gold chain 47 00:02:05,060 --> 00:02:06,644 you could've bought with that money. 48 00:02:06,645 --> 00:02:08,145 I actually don't think... 49 00:02:08,146 --> 00:02:10,898 that interest rate is accurate because... 50 00:02:10,899 --> 00:02:13,651 - even a 30-year T-bill is only... - Two-point-nine percent. 51 00:02:13,652 --> 00:02:15,277 - Two-point-nine. - All your blathering 52 00:02:15,278 --> 00:02:17,404 just now would've made us $2.32. 53 00:02:17,405 --> 00:02:19,365 Again, I-I don't think that's right because, 54 00:02:19,366 --> 00:02:22,910 assuming an APR of three, I cost us well under two dollars, 55 00:02:22,911 --> 00:02:26,205 so it's not even... 56 00:02:26,206 --> 00:02:28,333 Um, sorry, uh... 57 00:02:30,710 --> 00:02:32,461 - Hello? - Richard! 58 00:02:32,462 --> 00:02:34,004 It's Maximo. 59 00:02:34,005 --> 00:02:35,965 We are on the phone. How are you? 60 00:02:35,966 --> 00:02:37,800 Yeah, I know. I'm fine. 61 00:02:37,801 --> 00:02:40,219 We were just talking about you, myself and Colin. 62 00:02:40,220 --> 00:02:41,762 - Colin? - Oh, yes. 63 00:02:41,763 --> 00:02:43,597 Colin is here. 64 00:02:43,598 --> 00:02:45,516 He is making the peace sign to you. 65 00:02:45,517 --> 00:02:47,976 Now, you remember how you refused to take my money? 66 00:02:47,977 --> 00:02:50,896 Well, Colin, he did take my money. So, 67 00:02:50,897 --> 00:02:52,356 now he is leaving your network. 68 00:02:52,357 --> 00:02:53,774 Wait, to go where? 69 00:02:53,775 --> 00:02:56,110 Oh, to the network run by new friend, Laurie Bream. 70 00:02:56,111 --> 00:02:58,696 Now, you remember when I said if you did not take my money, 71 00:02:58,697 --> 00:03:00,823 it would be very bad for you? 72 00:03:00,824 --> 00:03:04,076 Well, let me tell you what is going to happen to you next. 73 00:03:04,077 --> 00:03:06,203 Which was too, too, too much for her, 74 00:03:06,204 --> 00:03:09,206 so she went down 51st Street to see Dr. X, 75 00:03:09,207 --> 00:03:11,542 who gave her eight pills, which left her... 76 00:03:11,543 --> 00:03:13,085 Boobless. 77 00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:23,073 ♪ Silicon Valley 6x03 ♪ Hooli Smokes! 78 00:03:26,850 --> 00:03:29,727 - So, Colin's out. - Yes. 79 00:03:29,728 --> 00:03:32,004 So, our profits are... zero. 80 00:03:32,005 --> 00:03:33,114 It's worse than that. 81 00:03:33,115 --> 00:03:35,816 Maximo has bought all of Laurie's Pied Piper shares, 82 00:03:35,817 --> 00:03:38,444 as well as all the shares of Big Head's dad. 83 00:03:38,445 --> 00:03:40,320 He now owns 30 percent of the company. 84 00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:42,406 So, the only way we can raise money to stay alive 85 00:03:42,407 --> 00:03:44,533 is by selling shares, but the second we do that... 86 00:03:44,534 --> 00:03:45,743 Maximo buys them. 87 00:03:45,744 --> 00:03:47,745 Yeah, and when he gets a majority stake, 88 00:03:47,746 --> 00:03:50,080 he can do whatever he wants. 89 00:03:50,081 --> 00:03:52,249 Shut us down, fire all of us, 90 00:03:52,250 --> 00:03:54,315 take our IP to Laurie to use on her network. 91 00:03:54,316 --> 00:03:55,394 He's starving us out. 92 00:03:55,395 --> 00:03:58,005 - How long can we survive? - Well, 93 00:03:58,006 --> 00:04:02,138 the Siege of Candia lasted 21 years. 94 00:04:02,139 --> 00:04:04,599 Oh. Well, that's something. 95 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:06,685 It ended in 1669, 96 00:04:06,686 --> 00:04:08,979 when the Ottoman soldiers were infected with plague 97 00:04:08,980 --> 00:04:10,730 after being attacked with the liquid 98 00:04:10,731 --> 00:04:13,233 from the spleens and buboes of the dead. 99 00:04:13,234 --> 00:04:14,401 What's a bubo? 100 00:04:14,402 --> 00:04:16,778 Plague-infested lymph nodes. 101 00:04:16,779 --> 00:04:19,489 So, they would, like, scoop them out and throw them at people? 102 00:04:19,490 --> 00:04:22,534 Fuck! Fuck. 103 00:04:22,535 --> 00:04:26,413 Richard, did you just try to punch the wall and miss? 104 00:04:26,414 --> 00:04:28,581 Nope. I clipped it. I got it. 105 00:04:28,582 --> 00:04:30,458 Sort of like that. 106 00:04:30,459 --> 00:04:31,751 I see. So, 107 00:04:31,752 --> 00:04:34,045 until a Richard Hendricks reports an assault, 108 00:04:34,046 --> 00:04:36,047 I-I technically can't turn myself in for it? 109 00:04:36,048 --> 00:04:37,465 That is correct. 110 00:04:37,466 --> 00:04:39,050 And what about a restraining order? 111 00:04:39,051 --> 00:04:41,886 Can I-I take one out against myself on his behalf? 112 00:04:41,887 --> 00:04:43,346 No. 113 00:04:43,347 --> 00:04:46,392 What if I threaten you guys? Just hear me out... 114 00:04:48,019 --> 00:04:51,229 Fucking pigs. I-I hope that you get cheated out of your overtime. 115 00:04:51,230 --> 00:04:53,064 How about that, dickless? 116 00:04:53,065 --> 00:04:55,026 Maybe you could just try calling the guy? 117 00:04:56,902 --> 00:04:58,903 Why were you talking to the police? 118 00:04:58,904 --> 00:05:01,073 Oh, it was just a personal issue. 119 00:05:01,574 --> 00:05:03,242 You should not bring them here. 120 00:05:04,410 --> 00:05:06,245 Fuck the police. 121 00:05:06,746 --> 00:05:10,249 Jian-Yang, you're not doing anything illegal here, are you? 122 00:05:11,500 --> 00:05:12,585 Yes. 123 00:05:15,337 --> 00:05:16,963 Where is everyone? 124 00:05:27,099 --> 00:05:30,101 Jared is bringing chaos to the house, 125 00:05:30,102 --> 00:05:32,479 and chaos is bad for our business. 126 00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:35,316 Yeah. What is our business? 127 00:05:35,983 --> 00:05:40,278 I told you, it's a better for both of us if you do not know. 128 00:05:40,279 --> 00:05:41,781 Oh, right. Yeah. 129 00:05:42,406 --> 00:05:44,199 We need to get rid of Gwart. 130 00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:46,576 It's the only way to get rid of Jared. 131 00:05:46,577 --> 00:05:48,453 Gwart. 132 00:05:48,454 --> 00:05:49,662 Yes. 133 00:05:54,001 --> 00:05:55,294 Richard? 134 00:05:57,004 --> 00:05:59,255 - Gavin. - You look like shit. 135 00:05:59,256 --> 00:06:00,965 So do you. 136 00:06:00,966 --> 00:06:02,927 What happened to your hand? 137 00:06:03,552 --> 00:06:04,970 I punched a wall. 138 00:06:05,721 --> 00:06:07,180 Cool. 139 00:06:07,181 --> 00:06:08,807 Want a drink? 140 00:06:08,808 --> 00:06:10,725 Don't you think it's a little early... 141 00:06:10,726 --> 00:06:13,478 It's kombucha with ginseng and lemongrass, Richard. 142 00:06:13,479 --> 00:06:15,147 I'm not a fucking hobo. 143 00:06:15,940 --> 00:06:18,608 All I wanted to do was be a golden millionaire. 144 00:06:18,609 --> 00:06:19,818 Is that too much to ask? 145 00:06:19,819 --> 00:06:22,779 A millionaire that gets peed on? 146 00:06:22,780 --> 00:06:24,572 I could see you making half that happen. 147 00:06:24,573 --> 00:06:27,617 No, you have as many millions as your age. 148 00:06:27,618 --> 00:06:31,162 I mean, everyone in the Valley is swimming in money. 149 00:06:31,163 --> 00:06:32,705 Why not me? 150 00:06:32,706 --> 00:06:35,500 I believe your people have a concept for it. 151 00:06:35,501 --> 00:06:37,085 - Karma. - Firstly, 152 00:06:37,086 --> 00:06:39,462 I am Muslim from Pakistan, you fucking racist. 153 00:06:39,463 --> 00:06:41,631 Secondly, karma does not exist. 154 00:06:41,632 --> 00:06:43,174 Otherwise, it would mean that bad things 155 00:06:43,175 --> 00:06:44,843 happen to me because I'm a bad person. 156 00:06:44,844 --> 00:06:47,303 Check... and check. 157 00:06:47,304 --> 00:06:49,180 Oh, I'm a bad person? 158 00:06:49,181 --> 00:06:51,683 Says the guy who literally worships Satan. 159 00:06:51,684 --> 00:06:53,142 I am a great guy. 160 00:06:53,143 --> 00:06:55,520 In my youth, I would've argued that life is just 161 00:06:55,521 --> 00:06:59,065 a series of random events, devoid of any meaning. 162 00:06:59,066 --> 00:07:02,485 But as a data scientist, I have to recognize 163 00:07:02,486 --> 00:07:06,407 that sometimes, patterns emerge. 164 00:07:07,324 --> 00:07:09,159 Undeniable patterns. 165 00:07:11,579 --> 00:07:13,329 Get right with the universe. 166 00:07:13,330 --> 00:07:15,164 Dinesh? 167 00:07:15,165 --> 00:07:16,666 - Yo! - Hey. 168 00:07:16,667 --> 00:07:19,294 What is up, my cousin? 169 00:07:19,295 --> 00:07:20,837 - Oh! - Hey, uh, Gilfoyle, 170 00:07:20,838 --> 00:07:23,381 - you remember my cousin, Wajeed? - Yes. 171 00:07:23,382 --> 00:07:25,842 Coz, I have been meaning to call you. 172 00:07:25,843 --> 00:07:27,468 Remember last year when you wanted to sell 173 00:07:27,469 --> 00:07:29,888 all those shares of Bro that I gave you? 174 00:07:29,889 --> 00:07:31,890 And I was like, don't sell those shares! 175 00:07:31,891 --> 00:07:33,850 And you were like, "I need the money 176 00:07:33,851 --> 00:07:36,356 to buy floor mats for my Tesla, so I can make a guy 177 00:07:36,357 --> 00:07:38,112 named Danny in the office feel bad". 178 00:07:38,113 --> 00:07:39,355 Good memory. Um, 179 00:07:39,356 --> 00:07:42,233 but, you know, Bro was basically out of business. 180 00:07:42,234 --> 00:07:43,735 It was. 181 00:07:43,736 --> 00:07:46,112 But so wild! 182 00:07:46,113 --> 00:07:49,032 After you sold those shares, I sold Bro to MoveShack 183 00:07:49,033 --> 00:07:53,202 for basically nothing, and yesterday, 184 00:07:53,203 --> 00:07:55,121 MoveShack got "acquired" 185 00:07:55,122 --> 00:07:59,752 by Snapchat, and, uh... we crushed it! 186 00:08:00,669 --> 00:08:03,755 - How much did you make? - Oh, you won't believe this... 187 00:08:03,756 --> 00:08:07,725 _ 188 00:08:09,261 --> 00:08:11,211 Sixty million dollars? 189 00:08:11,212 --> 00:08:13,097 Yes, 60 million dollars! 190 00:08:13,098 --> 00:08:15,850 I'm a golden millionaire! 191 00:08:15,851 --> 00:08:17,435 Times two! 192 00:08:17,436 --> 00:08:20,271 So, Dinesh sold his shares, 193 00:08:20,272 --> 00:08:24,525 and then your fortunes turned around. Is that right? 194 00:08:24,526 --> 00:08:27,862 Huh. Weird. It's just like that time. 195 00:08:27,863 --> 00:08:31,032 Remember, you, me, and Ali, we went down to play by the river... 196 00:08:31,033 --> 00:08:33,993 - Oh... Boring story. - ... and then, and then Dinesh, 197 00:08:33,994 --> 00:08:36,704 you snuck home so that you could get Ali's jump rope 198 00:08:36,705 --> 00:08:38,176 and play with it by yourself, 199 00:08:38,177 --> 00:08:40,124 without telling him, 200 00:08:40,125 --> 00:08:43,419 and then Ali and I found a giant... 201 00:08:43,420 --> 00:08:46,130 giant box of British candy. 202 00:08:46,131 --> 00:08:47,173 You love candy. 203 00:08:47,174 --> 00:08:48,800 Oh, it was the best. 204 00:08:48,801 --> 00:08:51,135 Anyway, I'm a golden millionaire. 205 00:08:51,136 --> 00:08:53,305 How about I buy drinks, yeah? 206 00:08:54,682 --> 00:08:56,683 - Karma's a... - You're a bitch. 207 00:08:56,684 --> 00:08:58,518 Anyway, the fucking US government 208 00:08:58,519 --> 00:09:00,436 blocked the entire thing. Can you believe that? 209 00:09:00,437 --> 00:09:02,022 I pay taxes. 210 00:09:02,982 --> 00:09:04,817 - I mean, I don't, but... - Yeah. 211 00:09:05,401 --> 00:09:07,026 But look, I mean, I think 212 00:09:07,027 --> 00:09:08,653 we're even more fucked than you are. 213 00:09:08,654 --> 00:09:10,613 We're quite a pair, aren't we? 214 00:09:10,614 --> 00:09:13,783 To us. To the men in the arena, 215 00:09:13,784 --> 00:09:17,328 living or dying under the watchful gaze of Caesar. 216 00:09:17,329 --> 00:09:19,497 Are you not entertained? 217 00:09:22,224 --> 00:09:25,224 _ 218 00:09:26,171 --> 00:09:29,674 It's, uh, from Jared Dunn. Do you remember him? 219 00:09:29,675 --> 00:09:31,551 Of course. How's he doing? 220 00:09:31,552 --> 00:09:33,553 Actually, uh, funny enough, 221 00:09:33,554 --> 00:09:37,056 he just bailed on me to go work for some... 222 00:09:37,057 --> 00:09:39,225 sexy new startup back at my old hacker hostel. 223 00:09:39,226 --> 00:09:43,271 Ironic. Exactly the same way he left me, for you. 224 00:09:43,272 --> 00:09:45,357 Jared always had an eye for talent. 225 00:09:47,276 --> 00:09:49,110 Thanks, I guess. 226 00:09:49,111 --> 00:09:51,362 So, what was the munition 227 00:09:51,363 --> 00:09:53,406 that CIFIUS got on your case for? 228 00:09:53,407 --> 00:09:55,074 Some kind of... 229 00:09:55,075 --> 00:09:57,452 - illegal hacking tool? - You wanna hear the worst part? 230 00:09:57,453 --> 00:10:00,580 It's a fucking dating app called Foxhole. 231 00:10:00,581 --> 00:10:02,206 - An app? - Yep! 232 00:10:02,207 --> 00:10:04,667 I can't shut it down because my investors will lose their shit, 233 00:10:04,668 --> 00:10:06,586 and I can't sell it because who the fuck wants something 234 00:10:06,587 --> 00:10:09,339 - with all those restrictions on it? - Right. 235 00:10:09,340 --> 00:10:10,841 Anyway... 236 00:10:12,885 --> 00:10:14,469 Here's to us, 237 00:10:14,470 --> 00:10:15,803 the Shackletons, 238 00:10:15,804 --> 00:10:18,890 - betrayed by nature's cruelest whims... - Wait. 239 00:10:18,891 --> 00:10:20,957 - ... her wants... - Sorry, just... 240 00:10:20,958 --> 00:10:23,269 If I owned Foxhole, 241 00:10:23,270 --> 00:10:24,896 wouldn't that prevent this Chilean guy 242 00:10:24,897 --> 00:10:27,106 from buying more of my shares? 243 00:10:27,107 --> 00:10:28,649 Actually, it would go even further. 244 00:10:28,650 --> 00:10:30,902 He'd have to sell all the shares he already owns. 245 00:10:30,903 --> 00:10:32,320 Okay, so, um, 246 00:10:32,321 --> 00:10:34,989 if you sell me Foxhole, I mean, that would 247 00:10:34,990 --> 00:10:36,949 certainly save my ass, obviously, 248 00:10:36,950 --> 00:10:39,660 but it would also save yours 249 00:10:39,661 --> 00:10:42,872 because then you could move your operations wherever you wanted. 250 00:10:42,873 --> 00:10:44,916 I mean, it's kind of perfect, right? 251 00:10:44,917 --> 00:10:47,877 It would benefit us both, equally. 252 00:10:47,878 --> 00:10:49,462 - Holy shit. - Yeah. 253 00:10:49,463 --> 00:10:53,257 Um, look, Gavin, I know we always haven't seen eye-to-eye, 254 00:10:53,258 --> 00:10:55,760 we're not the best of friends, but... 255 00:10:55,761 --> 00:10:58,471 this may be a chance to actually 256 00:10:58,472 --> 00:11:01,099 help each other out, right? 257 00:11:01,100 --> 00:11:02,934 What do you say? 258 00:11:02,935 --> 00:11:05,729 I mean... isn't it obvious? 259 00:11:06,355 --> 00:11:09,149 I say... no! 260 00:11:10,359 --> 00:11:12,026 - What? - No! 261 00:11:12,027 --> 00:11:13,778 Fuck no, Richard! 262 00:11:13,779 --> 00:11:16,030 I can't make a move that would benefit you. 263 00:11:16,031 --> 00:11:17,865 You're my competition. Help no rival. 264 00:11:17,866 --> 00:11:20,034 It's one of the basic principles of business. 265 00:11:20,035 --> 00:11:22,595 We just spent the last hour bonding about how 266 00:11:22,596 --> 00:11:25,021 this business is comprised of backstabbers and cutthroats. 267 00:11:25,022 --> 00:11:27,542 Yes, exactly! That's what this is. 268 00:11:28,627 --> 00:11:30,336 It's a little weird you don't get it. 269 00:11:30,337 --> 00:11:31,796 I could help you, Gavin. 270 00:11:31,797 --> 00:11:33,589 You already have, Richard! 271 00:11:33,590 --> 00:11:35,466 I mean, I was sitting up here feeling 272 00:11:35,467 --> 00:11:38,177 totally just impotent, and then you came along 273 00:11:38,178 --> 00:11:41,013 and exposed your underbelly, and practically begged me 274 00:11:41,014 --> 00:11:43,641 to plunge the knife in! I mean, I still have a deep hole 275 00:11:43,642 --> 00:11:46,770 to crawl out of, but this is a fucking great start. 276 00:11:47,813 --> 00:11:49,147 Look at that. 277 00:11:49,148 --> 00:11:51,482 It barely hurts anymore. 278 00:11:51,483 --> 00:11:52,984 Well, if you'll excuse me, 279 00:11:52,985 --> 00:11:54,527 I have a triathlon to train for, 280 00:11:54,528 --> 00:11:57,156 and I'm suddenly feeling a wellspring of energy. 281 00:11:58,240 --> 00:11:59,992 Look, Richie, 282 00:12:00,617 --> 00:12:02,452 you're basically outta options. 283 00:12:02,453 --> 00:12:04,495 So, what are you saying? That... 284 00:12:04,496 --> 00:12:06,373 I just lay down and die? 285 00:12:07,583 --> 00:12:10,710 I take issue with your definition of die, my dude. 286 00:12:10,711 --> 00:12:13,588 I can get that Chilean cat on the phone right now and get you paid. 287 00:12:13,589 --> 00:12:15,107 There's no shame in it. 288 00:12:15,108 --> 00:12:19,255 Musk built PayPal and sold. Hoffman built LinkedIn and sold. 289 00:12:19,256 --> 00:12:20,636 You seen those guys lately? 290 00:12:20,637 --> 00:12:24,348 I don't care about the money, that's not why I got into this. 291 00:12:24,349 --> 00:12:27,435 Richie, can I be honest with you for once? 292 00:12:27,436 --> 00:12:30,189 For once? You're my attorney. 293 00:12:32,983 --> 00:12:37,320 You remember the end of Thelma and Louise? 294 00:12:37,321 --> 00:12:39,489 How they drove that car off the cliff? 295 00:12:39,490 --> 00:12:43,951 Why? That was a mint '66 T-Bird. 296 00:12:43,952 --> 00:12:46,140 They didn't need that car to get over the cliff. 297 00:12:46,141 --> 00:12:47,360 Why'd that car have to die? 298 00:12:47,361 --> 00:12:49,832 I-I think it had something to do with, um, 299 00:12:49,833 --> 00:12:52,001 - women's rights or something? - Important stuff. 300 00:12:52,002 --> 00:12:54,253 But... sorry, what's your point? 301 00:12:54,254 --> 00:12:55,922 My point, Richie, 302 00:12:55,923 --> 00:12:58,841 is you wanna go over the cliff, Thelma, that's fine. 303 00:12:58,842 --> 00:13:00,384 All right? You do you. 304 00:13:00,385 --> 00:13:03,554 But you gotta remember there are 500 other people 305 00:13:03,555 --> 00:13:07,433 in the trunk that are gonna burst into flames with you. 306 00:13:07,434 --> 00:13:09,310 And for what? 307 00:13:09,311 --> 00:13:11,187 Computers? 308 00:13:11,188 --> 00:13:13,481 That's Jared. He's been calling me all day. 309 00:13:13,482 --> 00:13:16,067 Uh, hey, can I call you back? I'm in the middle of something. 310 00:13:16,068 --> 00:13:18,444 Did you talk to Gavin Belson about Gwart's company, 311 00:13:18,445 --> 00:13:19,946 and call her sexy? 312 00:13:19,947 --> 00:13:21,572 Uh, what? No. 313 00:13:21,573 --> 00:13:23,908 I mean, yes, but I barely mentioned it. 314 00:13:23,909 --> 00:13:27,119 Did you call her sexy? Yes or no? 315 00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:29,830 I think I was more talking about her tech. 316 00:13:29,831 --> 00:13:31,374 So, you told Gavin Belson, 317 00:13:31,375 --> 00:13:34,043 a lion in repose, 318 00:13:34,044 --> 00:13:36,212 that Gwart was a potential threat, 319 00:13:36,213 --> 00:13:38,923 and now Jian-Yang is selling us to him for pocket change. 320 00:13:38,924 --> 00:13:40,591 - Jian-Yang can do that? - Yeah. 321 00:13:40,592 --> 00:13:43,678 He owns 60 percent of the company. He can do whatever he wants. 322 00:13:43,679 --> 00:13:45,888 Gavin is shutting us down, Richard. 323 00:13:45,889 --> 00:13:48,226 Gwart is so mad, she won't even look at me. 324 00:13:48,227 --> 00:13:50,434 - Aah, fuck. - You know, if you want revenge 325 00:13:50,435 --> 00:13:52,228 on me, that's fine. 326 00:13:52,229 --> 00:13:53,729 But to go after Gwart? 327 00:13:53,730 --> 00:13:55,273 She doesn't have 328 00:13:55,274 --> 00:13:57,942 your savvy or your ruthlessness, Richard. 329 00:13:57,943 --> 00:13:59,902 Hell, she has to wear earplugs on hikes 330 00:13:59,903 --> 00:14:01,487 because the forest is too loud. 331 00:14:01,488 --> 00:14:04,073 Look, I was only talking to Gavin to save Pied Piper. 332 00:14:04,074 --> 00:14:05,199 I-I had no idea he was... 333 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:06,659 A monster? Of course you did! 334 00:14:06,660 --> 00:14:09,120 That's all you talked about for years! 335 00:14:09,121 --> 00:14:10,288 "Gavin is a monster. 336 00:14:10,289 --> 00:14:12,790 Poor Pied Piper. I'm Richard Hendricks". 337 00:14:12,791 --> 00:14:14,083 I don't think my voice is that deep. 338 00:14:14,084 --> 00:14:16,210 I mean, who is the buddy-fucker now? 339 00:14:16,211 --> 00:14:18,838 You are the buddy-fucker. 340 00:14:20,590 --> 00:14:22,248 So, we gonna save that T-Bird, 341 00:14:22,249 --> 00:14:24,493 or are we gonna take her right over the cliff? 342 00:14:27,472 --> 00:14:28,807 So, uh, 343 00:14:29,308 --> 00:14:31,892 look, I-I know it's not a billion dollars, 344 00:14:31,893 --> 00:14:34,604 but, um, given the situation... 345 00:14:35,564 --> 00:14:37,273 it's actually a very good deal. 346 00:14:37,274 --> 00:14:39,108 Do you want to sell the company? 347 00:14:39,109 --> 00:14:40,415 No, I don't. 348 00:14:40,416 --> 00:14:42,653 Dinesh, I don't, but... 349 00:14:42,654 --> 00:14:44,947 Ron is right. 350 00:14:44,948 --> 00:14:46,867 Maximo is getting it no matter what. 351 00:14:47,951 --> 00:14:49,660 Why just give it away? 352 00:14:49,661 --> 00:14:51,746 Right. Yeah. 353 00:14:51,747 --> 00:14:54,790 Look, anyway, you guys have done... 354 00:14:54,791 --> 00:14:58,336 everything I've asked for, so, uh, you all deserve this. 355 00:14:58,337 --> 00:15:00,671 Well, we can take the money and still be good people, right? 356 00:15:00,672 --> 00:15:02,423 Plus, Richard is the CEO, 357 00:15:02,424 --> 00:15:03,674 so I have to follow his orders. 358 00:15:03,675 --> 00:15:05,051 I mean, no one's ever been a bad person 359 00:15:05,052 --> 00:15:07,053 'cause they followed orders, right? 360 00:15:07,054 --> 00:15:08,846 You guys, there's really no other option. 361 00:15:08,847 --> 00:15:10,848 - Yes, there is. - What? No. 362 00:15:10,849 --> 00:15:14,061 Okay, if Hooli won't sell us Foxhole... 363 00:15:14,686 --> 00:15:16,812 we could just buy Hooli. 364 00:15:16,813 --> 00:15:18,314 Right. Yeah. 365 00:15:18,315 --> 00:15:20,858 The-the same way we can buy America and everything in it. 366 00:15:20,859 --> 00:15:23,736 No, I-I'm serious. We just found out how much Hooli's worth, 367 00:15:23,737 --> 00:15:25,395 and it's not that much. 368 00:15:25,396 --> 00:15:27,699 Sorry, how do we know how much Hooli's worth? 369 00:15:34,539 --> 00:15:37,416 Gavin bought Gwart's company using Hooli stock? 370 00:15:37,417 --> 00:15:41,045 Mm-hmm. And when he did, he tipped his hand. 371 00:15:41,046 --> 00:15:42,963 He really ran it into the ground. 372 00:15:42,964 --> 00:15:44,882 Yeah, and Maximo's offer's so strong 373 00:15:44,883 --> 00:15:46,635 that our price just shot up. 374 00:15:47,219 --> 00:15:49,888 Holy shit. We're worth more than Hooli. 375 00:15:52,140 --> 00:15:53,891 Uh, hey Jared, uh, 376 00:15:53,892 --> 00:15:56,435 - thank you for... - Save it. 377 00:15:56,436 --> 00:15:59,438 I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it for Gwart. 378 00:15:59,439 --> 00:16:01,399 The second you own Hooli, you release us 379 00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:03,735 to become independent, non-negotiable. 380 00:16:05,070 --> 00:16:06,738 Of course. Sure, yeah. 381 00:16:07,322 --> 00:16:09,241 If that's what you want. Cool. 382 00:16:09,908 --> 00:16:11,742 So, guys... 383 00:16:11,743 --> 00:16:13,787 are we really doing this? 384 00:16:16,297 --> 00:16:18,207 Fuck it. Yeah. 385 00:16:18,208 --> 00:16:19,583 I think we have to. 386 00:16:19,584 --> 00:16:21,585 We have to sleep on it. 387 00:16:21,586 --> 00:16:22,754 Okay. 388 00:16:23,380 --> 00:16:25,840 We're gonna buy Hooli. 389 00:16:25,841 --> 00:16:27,508 Big question, 390 00:16:27,509 --> 00:16:29,260 - how do we buy Hooli? - Well, 391 00:16:29,261 --> 00:16:32,096 in order to get the cash, we have to sell a chunk 392 00:16:32,097 --> 00:16:34,557 of our shares to someone other than Maximo, 393 00:16:34,558 --> 00:16:36,267 and, I mean, 394 00:16:36,268 --> 00:16:38,477 whoever we rope into that is gonna lose a fortune. 395 00:16:38,478 --> 00:16:40,563 - Because... ? - Well, we'd be selling to them 396 00:16:40,564 --> 00:16:42,064 at our current high price. 397 00:16:42,065 --> 00:16:44,233 And when we acquire Hooli and Foxhole, 398 00:16:44,234 --> 00:16:46,777 CIFIUS will force Maximo to dump all his shares, 399 00:16:46,778 --> 00:16:48,404 and our valuation will plummet. 400 00:16:48,405 --> 00:16:50,197 And I couldn't do that to anyone. 401 00:16:50,198 --> 00:16:52,492 Oh? Couldn't you? 402 00:16:53,660 --> 00:16:55,619 Yeah, I-I'm not sure I could do it either. 403 00:16:55,620 --> 00:16:56,996 Okay! Deal breaker then, right? 404 00:16:56,997 --> 00:16:58,831 'Cause there's no one I could do that to either. 405 00:16:58,832 --> 00:17:00,959 Oh, isn't there... 406 00:17:01,793 --> 00:17:03,128 bro? 407 00:17:03,795 --> 00:17:05,337 Oh, God damn it. 408 00:17:05,338 --> 00:17:08,507 You want me to be an investor in your company? 409 00:17:08,508 --> 00:17:09,800 - I do. - Wow, 410 00:17:09,801 --> 00:17:11,635 that-that is so cool. 411 00:17:11,636 --> 00:17:13,929 But I don't know why I'm surprised because 412 00:17:13,930 --> 00:17:17,142 you're literally the greatest guy that I know. 413 00:17:17,726 --> 00:17:19,602 - What? - Yeah! I mean, 414 00:17:19,603 --> 00:17:22,104 literally last week, Farooq was calling me, and he was like, 415 00:17:22,105 --> 00:17:23,898 "Hey, you know who's a good guy?" 416 00:17:23,899 --> 00:17:25,649 And I was like, "My cousin Dinesh!" 417 00:17:25,650 --> 00:17:28,861 And he was like, "Yes. Yes, your cousin, 418 00:17:28,862 --> 00:17:30,488 - Dinesh". - That's me. 419 00:17:30,489 --> 00:17:31,680 It's hard for me to say, 420 00:17:31,681 --> 00:17:33,949 but I-I think we should hang out more, okay? 421 00:17:33,950 --> 00:17:36,577 And that's my fault, and I promise that I will call you 422 00:17:36,578 --> 00:17:38,496 as soon as me and my friends get back. 423 00:17:38,497 --> 00:17:39,789 Where you guys going? 424 00:17:39,790 --> 00:17:41,832 Oh, we're just gonna go down to the North Shore 425 00:17:41,833 --> 00:17:43,209 because... 426 00:17:43,210 --> 00:17:46,962 ... I bought 80 acres in Hawaii, bro! 427 00:17:46,963 --> 00:17:49,590 And the beach is, like, pretty private or whatever, 428 00:17:49,591 --> 00:17:51,675 but there's, like, fashion shoots and supermodels... 429 00:17:51,676 --> 00:17:54,011 Just sign it. 430 00:17:54,012 --> 00:17:55,930 Thank you, triathletes, for being here today 431 00:17:55,931 --> 00:17:59,683 to support a wonderful cause, HooliCares. 432 00:17:59,684 --> 00:18:02,478 Hooli cares. 433 00:18:02,479 --> 00:18:03,938 Do you? 434 00:18:05,899 --> 00:18:07,359 Take your marks. 435 00:18:30,048 --> 00:18:31,382 He's in the water. 436 00:18:31,383 --> 00:18:32,842 You sure? 437 00:18:32,843 --> 00:18:35,010 I cracked into Gavin's HooliWatch. 438 00:18:35,011 --> 00:18:36,303 Don't ask me how I did it. 439 00:18:36,304 --> 00:18:38,305 I've got real-time GPS location, 440 00:18:38,306 --> 00:18:40,808 blood pressure, body temperature, heart rate. 441 00:18:40,809 --> 00:18:42,935 I can even see where he is in his menstrual cycle. 442 00:18:42,936 --> 00:18:44,770 Looks like a good day to fuck him. 443 00:18:46,473 --> 00:18:48,399 So, I guess we're gonna talk all damn day? 444 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:51,069 - That the play? - Uh, no. No. 445 00:18:51,611 --> 00:18:54,405 We're calling him, okay? So... 446 00:18:54,406 --> 00:18:57,408 - let's do this. - Okay. 'Cause it just seemed like... 447 00:18:57,409 --> 00:19:01,120 Lex Skelton. Hey, uh, it's, um, Richard Hendricks. 448 00:19:01,121 --> 00:19:04,331 I'd like to ask for you to call 449 00:19:04,332 --> 00:19:07,126 an emergency meeting of the Hooli board of directors. 450 00:19:13,258 --> 00:19:16,051 Flank that little fucker in the black cap! 451 00:19:16,052 --> 00:19:17,970 Uh, we've tried to, uh, 452 00:19:17,971 --> 00:19:20,097 contact Gavin Belson, 453 00:19:20,098 --> 00:19:23,017 but, uh, he hasn't responded. 454 00:19:23,018 --> 00:19:25,978 We do, however, have a quorum. 455 00:19:25,979 --> 00:19:27,104 Let's proceed. 456 00:19:27,105 --> 00:19:29,678 Great. Well, I would like to present you 457 00:19:29,679 --> 00:19:32,651 with an offer, and, uh, judging by the current state of Hooli, 458 00:19:32,652 --> 00:19:35,571 I think you'll find it very interesting. 459 00:19:43,496 --> 00:19:45,723 All right, according to the company charter, 460 00:19:45,724 --> 00:19:49,335 Gavin Belson does have two hours to formally object. 461 00:19:49,336 --> 00:19:52,421 Right. Yeah, two hours, 462 00:19:52,422 --> 00:19:54,048 so... 463 00:19:54,049 --> 00:19:55,758 That's no problem at all. 464 00:19:55,759 --> 00:19:57,551 You've seen my offer, 465 00:19:57,552 --> 00:20:00,346 but unless everyone agrees to sell, 466 00:20:00,347 --> 00:20:02,681 there's no deal because I need 467 00:20:02,682 --> 00:20:04,350 total control of the company. 468 00:20:04,351 --> 00:20:06,894 - So, who's in? - Richard, 469 00:20:06,895 --> 00:20:10,314 I expect a lot of us are on the fence here. 470 00:20:10,315 --> 00:20:13,442 Personally, I've been with Gavin for a lot of years, 471 00:20:13,443 --> 00:20:15,277 and believe... 472 00:20:15,278 --> 00:20:17,071 Oh. 473 00:20:17,072 --> 00:20:18,656 Everyone? 474 00:20:18,657 --> 00:20:21,993 All right. I suppose I won't stand in the way then. 475 00:20:23,370 --> 00:20:24,662 Okay! 476 00:20:24,663 --> 00:20:26,872 Good, yeah. I'll just email you 477 00:20:26,873 --> 00:20:29,038 the long form, and you can just eSign... 478 00:20:29,039 --> 00:20:31,835 eSign? No! 479 00:20:31,836 --> 00:20:34,004 We don't do that. 480 00:20:34,005 --> 00:20:36,131 - What? - Never have, never will. 481 00:20:36,132 --> 00:20:37,591 You want this deal to close, 482 00:20:37,592 --> 00:20:41,443 you bring us the forms, get everyone's hard signature, 483 00:20:41,444 --> 00:20:45,015 and then bring them to me to countersign. 484 00:20:45,016 --> 00:20:46,393 Is that a problem? 485 00:20:47,018 --> 00:20:48,352 No. 486 00:20:48,353 --> 00:20:50,479 More push, more push, more push! 487 00:21:00,073 --> 00:21:01,532 Whoa, he just sped up! 488 00:21:01,533 --> 00:21:03,826 There's been some lag, but I think he's on the bike. 489 00:21:03,827 --> 00:21:05,870 - Okay, we gotta hustle, guys. - I'm aware. 490 00:21:07,372 --> 00:21:09,623 All right, everybody know where they're going? 491 00:21:09,624 --> 00:21:11,125 You go, you get the signatures, 492 00:21:11,126 --> 00:21:12,910 - we meet at Lex's offices, yeah? - Yeah. 493 00:21:12,911 --> 00:21:14,086 Okay. Quick, quick. 494 00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:17,006 Come on, come on, come on! 495 00:21:26,349 --> 00:21:27,641 Go, go, go! 496 00:21:27,642 --> 00:21:28,809 One down. 497 00:21:28,810 --> 00:21:30,394 The next one's up on Market. 498 00:21:30,395 --> 00:21:32,479 Just up this block and take a right. 499 00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:35,399 Is that what the GPS says? 500 00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:38,152 - N-no, I... - Okay, do you wanna drive? 501 00:21:38,153 --> 00:21:40,576 - No, Jared. Look... - I'm Terry Gross. 502 00:21:40,577 --> 00:21:41,905 - Look, should we maybe talk about... - My guest is 503 00:21:41,906 --> 00:21:43,985 a medical bioethicist who learned about 504 00:21:43,986 --> 00:21:47,411 opioid dependence the hard way. 505 00:21:47,412 --> 00:21:50,330 You know, I really ought to consult with my wife 506 00:21:50,331 --> 00:21:53,084 before I make such a big financial decision. 507 00:21:54,419 --> 00:21:57,756 You're really gonna let a woman tell you what to do? 508 00:22:01,634 --> 00:22:03,177 Over here! 509 00:22:06,097 --> 00:22:09,141 Oh, thank you. 510 00:22:09,142 --> 00:22:11,643 Almost done here. 511 00:22:11,644 --> 00:22:13,037 Gavin's just starting the run. 512 00:22:13,038 --> 00:22:15,188 His blood O2 is dog shit. 513 00:22:20,195 --> 00:22:22,279 - Plan J, sir? - Plan J! 514 00:22:25,605 --> 00:22:27,439 Jay! 515 00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:29,900 You are my spitting image. 516 00:22:29,901 --> 00:22:32,194 I'll meet you a quarter mile from the finish line. 517 00:22:32,195 --> 00:22:33,737 Go, go, go, go, go! 518 00:22:39,244 --> 00:22:41,328 I still got it, Hoover. 519 00:22:41,329 --> 00:22:42,538 I know you do, sir. 520 00:22:42,539 --> 00:22:44,623 As long as Jay doesn't fuck up, 521 00:22:44,624 --> 00:22:46,333 I'm gonna beat my personal record. 522 00:22:46,334 --> 00:22:48,544 Let's see, we started at 10:00, 523 00:22:48,545 --> 00:22:50,213 and now it's... 524 00:22:52,007 --> 00:22:54,550 I gave Jay my watch. 525 00:22:57,721 --> 00:22:59,930 The fuck?! 526 00:22:59,931 --> 00:23:02,391 Turn around! Turn around, Hoover! 527 00:23:02,392 --> 00:23:03,600 Yes, sir. 528 00:23:03,601 --> 00:23:05,310 Mother fuck! 529 00:23:05,311 --> 00:23:08,689 - So, you've got them all signed, have you? - Yeah. 530 00:23:08,690 --> 00:23:11,233 And you can just, uh, countersign all that, and-and, 531 00:23:11,234 --> 00:23:13,068 your form to sign is at the end there. 532 00:23:13,069 --> 00:23:14,653 Do that, and we'll be out of your way. 533 00:23:23,413 --> 00:23:25,081 Fresca. 534 00:23:34,424 --> 00:23:36,259 Ah. 535 00:23:39,846 --> 00:23:41,931 Let's have a look-see, huh? 536 00:23:44,559 --> 00:23:47,228 "To whom it may... 537 00:23:48,605 --> 00:23:49,938 concern". 538 00:23:49,939 --> 00:23:52,441 Okay, and actually, the signature page... 539 00:23:52,442 --> 00:23:55,152 - I've done these things before! - Yep. 540 00:23:55,153 --> 00:23:56,945 No, I know. I know. 541 00:23:56,946 --> 00:23:59,114 What do you mean not to be disturbed? 542 00:23:59,115 --> 00:24:00,948 I just got a million texts that he's about 543 00:24:00,949 --> 00:24:03,285 to sign away my whole fucking company! 544 00:24:03,286 --> 00:24:06,581 It's Gavin fucking Belson, you clattering magpie! 545 00:24:08,333 --> 00:24:09,333 Hello? 546 00:24:09,334 --> 00:24:10,793 Fuck! 547 00:24:10,794 --> 00:24:12,753 We need to get to Lex's. Now! 548 00:24:12,754 --> 00:24:14,713 All right. Seven down, 549 00:24:14,714 --> 00:24:16,465 one to go! 550 00:24:16,466 --> 00:24:18,050 Yep. Yeah, just finish signing 551 00:24:18,051 --> 00:24:19,384 that form there, and we will... 552 00:24:19,385 --> 00:24:21,470 Stop! Lex, stop! 553 00:24:21,471 --> 00:24:22,639 Gavin? 554 00:24:24,307 --> 00:24:26,433 - Huh? - I thought he was in the race. 555 00:24:26,434 --> 00:24:28,060 - Gavin. - Yeah, he is. 556 00:24:28,061 --> 00:24:30,479 Looks like he's waiting about a mile from the finish line. 557 00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:32,731 Oh. 558 00:24:32,732 --> 00:24:35,984 You are a sneaky little gladiator, aren't you, Richard? 559 00:24:35,985 --> 00:24:38,237 But the Hooli charter, which I wrote, 560 00:24:38,238 --> 00:24:40,572 gives me the right to block this transaction. 561 00:24:40,573 --> 00:24:42,794 Uh, no. It doesn't. 562 00:24:42,795 --> 00:24:44,423 Yeah, that's right. You, uh, 563 00:24:44,424 --> 00:24:46,954 you had two hours, which lapsed... 564 00:24:46,955 --> 00:24:48,331 Seven minutes ago. 565 00:24:50,667 --> 00:24:52,751 I'm afraid they're right. 566 00:24:52,752 --> 00:24:54,002 Shit. 567 00:24:54,003 --> 00:24:56,171 Okay, fine! I can't block it! 568 00:24:56,172 --> 00:24:59,341 But come on, Lex! We have a history together! 569 00:24:59,342 --> 00:25:01,677 You wrote the very first check to Hooli. 570 00:25:01,678 --> 00:25:04,012 You're not gonna turn your back on 30 years 571 00:25:04,013 --> 00:25:05,802 of making money together, are you? 572 00:25:05,803 --> 00:25:08,445 I know we're not in the strongest position right now, 573 00:25:08,446 --> 00:25:11,103 but I will fight my way back, that's what I do. 574 00:25:11,104 --> 00:25:14,391 I-I kick and I scrap and I-I play dirty. 575 00:25:14,392 --> 00:25:16,400 Anything to win! I-I-I could've 576 00:25:16,401 --> 00:25:19,361 bailed Richard out, but I didn't! I fucked him! 577 00:25:19,362 --> 00:25:21,238 And then, I fucked over... 578 00:25:21,239 --> 00:25:22,698 "world poker tour" there! 579 00:25:22,699 --> 00:25:24,783 Just for the spite of it, just because I could! 580 00:25:24,784 --> 00:25:27,035 Look, forget all the bullshit about 581 00:25:27,036 --> 00:25:28,537 making the world a better place. 582 00:25:28,538 --> 00:25:31,415 The most valuable companies in this valley 583 00:25:31,416 --> 00:25:34,751 were built and run by-by savages, 584 00:25:34,752 --> 00:25:37,921 who cheat to win. Zuckerberg, and Jobs, 585 00:25:37,922 --> 00:25:40,924 and me, Gavin Belson. 586 00:25:40,925 --> 00:25:45,220 So please, Lex, put the pen down. 587 00:25:45,221 --> 00:25:46,889 Leave your money where it is. 588 00:25:46,890 --> 00:25:48,473 If this is a competition 589 00:25:48,474 --> 00:25:51,560 to find out who the shittier person is, 590 00:25:51,561 --> 00:25:54,230 I'm not sure it's something that I can add to. 591 00:25:54,981 --> 00:25:56,608 I can. 592 00:25:57,901 --> 00:26:00,069 - Dinesh? - This must be said. 593 00:26:01,070 --> 00:26:03,405 Gavin, you think you're the most spiteful guy in town, 594 00:26:03,406 --> 00:26:06,325 but you're not even the most spiteful guy in this room. 595 00:26:06,326 --> 00:26:08,493 The truth is... 596 00:26:08,494 --> 00:26:10,245 I'm a bad person. 597 00:26:10,246 --> 00:26:12,831 How do you think we got the money for this deal? 598 00:26:12,832 --> 00:26:15,584 I lied to my cousin's face. 599 00:26:15,585 --> 00:26:19,421 He is going to lose $40 million, give or take, 600 00:26:19,422 --> 00:26:22,341 plus his estate in Hawaii... I hope. 601 00:26:22,342 --> 00:26:25,220 See?! I suck! 602 00:26:25,221 --> 00:26:27,455 Did you know that instead of breaking up with a girl 603 00:26:27,456 --> 00:26:30,265 that scared me, I called the FBI and sent her to prison? 604 00:26:30,266 --> 00:26:32,560 - The Teslas. - Right. 605 00:26:33,102 --> 00:26:34,603 I pressured my direct reports 606 00:26:34,604 --> 00:26:36,278 to buy Teslas that they could not afford 607 00:26:36,279 --> 00:26:38,907 because I wanted better wheels than a guy named Danny. 608 00:26:39,484 --> 00:26:41,360 And I was eight years old, 609 00:26:41,361 --> 00:26:43,195 I stole my friend Ali's jump rope 610 00:26:43,196 --> 00:26:46,573 and tied it to the back of a truck that drove away, 611 00:26:46,574 --> 00:26:49,242 and then I told him I had no idea what happened to it. 612 00:26:49,243 --> 00:26:50,953 And when he cried himself to sleep, 613 00:26:50,954 --> 00:26:53,080 I ate his British candy and told him 614 00:26:53,081 --> 00:26:54,831 God took it because he hated him. 615 00:26:54,832 --> 00:26:56,750 - Jesus! - So, 616 00:26:56,751 --> 00:26:58,405 if this decision is going to come down 617 00:26:58,406 --> 00:27:00,921 to who is the most spiteful, then, respectfully, sir... 618 00:27:00,922 --> 00:27:02,923 - Stop! Stop! - ... I would argue... 619 00:27:02,924 --> 00:27:05,092 Just stop talking! 620 00:27:05,093 --> 00:27:07,963 I don't wanna be in business with any of you people. 621 00:27:07,964 --> 00:27:10,597 I don't even wanna be in the same room with you! 622 00:27:10,598 --> 00:27:13,642 I'm gonna sign this and take my money out. 623 00:27:13,643 --> 00:27:16,144 Oop! Gonna miss my bus. 624 00:27:16,145 --> 00:27:17,854 Ugh... 625 00:27:17,855 --> 00:27:21,149 Excuse me. Excuse me. 626 00:27:21,150 --> 00:27:22,694 Excuse me. 627 00:27:23,653 --> 00:27:25,487 Think you won? 628 00:27:25,488 --> 00:27:27,364 Fuck you, Richard Hendricks. 629 00:27:27,365 --> 00:27:29,866 The Valley is small and the road is long. 630 00:27:29,867 --> 00:27:32,328 Just keep looking over your shoulder. 631 00:27:33,287 --> 00:27:34,998 Gentlemen. 632 00:27:35,665 --> 00:27:37,833 And lady... Ow! 633 00:27:37,834 --> 00:27:40,502 Hoover! Help! 634 00:27:43,339 --> 00:27:45,007 Guys... 635 00:27:45,008 --> 00:27:46,883 Did we... 636 00:27:46,884 --> 00:27:49,012 Just buy Hooli? 637 00:27:49,554 --> 00:27:51,138 Yeah, we did. 638 00:27:51,139 --> 00:27:53,016 Holy shit. 639 00:27:53,766 --> 00:27:55,727 Feels pretty good! 640 00:27:57,186 --> 00:27:58,855 Wajeed is gonna be so pissed at me. 641 00:27:59,647 --> 00:28:01,274 And mom's gonna kill me. 642 00:28:01,941 --> 00:28:05,069 So, I guess, uh, everyone got what they want. 643 00:28:05,570 --> 00:28:07,655 Well, actually, uh, Jared. 644 00:28:08,698 --> 00:28:09,948 Hey, uh... 645 00:28:09,949 --> 00:28:12,325 I just wanna say, like... 646 00:28:12,326 --> 00:28:15,454 I'm really sorry about everything, 647 00:28:15,455 --> 00:28:18,623 and, uh, well, 648 00:28:18,624 --> 00:28:21,084 of course, I'd be happy 649 00:28:21,085 --> 00:28:23,837 to give you and Gwart your company back. 650 00:28:23,838 --> 00:28:26,673 That's obvious. And also, if you... 651 00:28:26,674 --> 00:28:28,925 needed office space, 652 00:28:28,926 --> 00:28:32,429 we'd be happy to have you. Um... 653 00:28:32,430 --> 00:28:35,558 I guess, I don't know, I just... I miss you, man. 654 00:28:36,684 --> 00:28:38,519 Whatever, I don't care. 655 00:28:41,731 --> 00:28:43,565 Jesus. 656 00:28:43,566 --> 00:28:45,777 Yeah, it's sort of his thing. 657 00:28:46,444 --> 00:28:47,903 All right, 658 00:28:47,904 --> 00:28:49,995 well, everybody's gathered out there, 659 00:28:49,996 --> 00:28:52,699 - so you should probably say something. - Okay. 660 00:28:52,700 --> 00:28:55,160 Be gracious and don't expect too much. 661 00:28:55,161 --> 00:28:56,995 What are you talking about? I mean, 662 00:28:56,996 --> 00:28:59,790 won't they be happy? I freed them from Gavin. 663 00:28:59,791 --> 00:29:02,459 I mean, that's one way of looking at it. 664 00:29:02,460 --> 00:29:04,503 Or, your company just swallowed theirs, 665 00:29:04,504 --> 00:29:07,089 and you fired their founder and CEO. 666 00:29:07,090 --> 00:29:09,328 They're probably a little freaked out. They wanna know 667 00:29:09,329 --> 00:29:11,259 that they're gonna keep their jobs. 668 00:29:11,260 --> 00:29:14,262 But we don't know if they will. 669 00:29:14,263 --> 00:29:16,098 - Right. - Yeah. 670 00:29:16,099 --> 00:29:18,893 Well, you'll think of something. Just be yours... 671 00:29:19,977 --> 00:29:22,437 - Keep it short. Keep it short. - Yeah. 672 00:29:22,438 --> 00:29:26,191 Okay... Okay. 673 00:30:38,345 --> 00:30:42,017 This is a video called Maximizing Alphaness. 674 00:30:42,018 --> 00:30:44,352 You just gotta subconsciously absorb it. 675 00:30:44,353 --> 00:30:46,688 This is the dumbest thing I've ever seen. 676 00:30:46,689 --> 00:30:47,856 Fuck yeah. 677 00:30:47,857 --> 00:30:50,358 It turns out my real parents are alive. 678 00:30:50,359 --> 00:30:53,028 So you gave me up to simplify your first class air travel? 679 00:30:53,029 --> 00:30:56,656 That's a clear row across. A, B, C, and D. 680 00:30:56,657 --> 00:30:59,534 Do we think this photo of Richard is funny? 681 00:30:59,535 --> 00:31:02,954 He was acting like your boss. You need to assert dominance. 682 00:31:02,955 --> 00:31:05,332 Ah! 683 00:31:05,333 --> 00:31:09,211 It's complicated. You're the only one who got hurt. 49660

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