All language subtitles for Scarborough.S01E01.The.Unfavourable.Death.Of.Mrs.Bookham.HDTV.x264-MTB.en

MUFFLED SPEECH ON TV

TELEVISION: ...are nowhere near
retirement age,

and are certainly not
looking to spend their days

indoors watching television. Home
comforts are important to them,

as well as the obligatory
pool and barbecue area.

And, although they initially
both gave... Mother?

You've left this
back door open again!

..still lacking the all-important
internet and British television.

Did you hear me, Mam? You've left
that back door open again.

Civil partners Gary and Aslam
are looking for a cosy bolthole

in the old town of Ibiza.

Aye, I bet they are.

It means an 'oliday home.
Yes, I know what it means.

I've got your soups.
Do you want one?

They don't look very civil to me.
They've both got beards.

I'm doing you a soup.

There's nothing on!

It's one o'clock in the afternoon,

and there's absolutely nothing
on television.

It's a disgrace.

Ooh -

Cash In The Attic.
"Nerys wants to raise money

"to buy a new wardrobe
after losing six stones in weight."

She might've lost six stones,
but she's still called Nerys.

San Agustin is one of the best
preserved villages...

SHE SIGHS

Oh, are you having soup?

I've opened it for YOU.
Well, I never asked for soup.

Well, if you're making it,
I may as well have some.

Hey, what are you doing?
I'm doing your soup.

Well, if I'm having soup, I'll have
it done properly in a pan.

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Now, listen, you have got to start
shutting that back door.

Anybody could walk in.

Mr Ferris had a cat wander into
his back kitchen yesterday.

Right, well, there you go. Exactly.

He'd only gone to answer
the front door.

The scabby thing walked
into his house, bold as brass.

He was in the middle of making
a beef and onion pie.

He used to work at Jackson's,
didn't he? Mm.

Ah, that's nice that he still bakes.

The cat shat on the mincemeat.

Oh, for goodness' sake.

I know! A pound and a half of
best steak mince. He was devastated.

He had to throw half of it away.

So, are you out tonight?

Yeah, going to The Ship for karaoke.
Do you fancy it?

Me?! Oh, no fear!
Once was enough, thank you.

Well, I'm going.
Could do with a good night out.

Well, I hope for your sake
they have different singers

from that time I went.
Some of them were shocking.

Mother, it's just karaoke.
Folks just get up and have a go.

Aye, well, some folk should realise
they're annoying when they talk,

never mind having a crack
at Shirley Bassey.

SHE CHUCKLES

Darren's a good singer.
I'll give him that.

You mean Mike. You've got to stop
calling him Darren.

No, not Darren -
that's the other one. Yes, I know.

It's Mike who's the singer,
and Darren moved to Finland.

Florida. Close.

Have you sorted things out since
your set-to with him last week?

With Mike? No, not really.

So, if Darren lives in Florida,

where does Mike live?

Scarborough.

Darren moved to Florida
when we got divorced.

Mike lives in Scarborough.

Well, you can see
why I get confused.

Yeah, well...to add to the
confusion, it's...

..I think we might've split up

Oh, when did all this happen?

Last week in The Ship.

Oh, you're better off without him,
love.

I mean, Darren and Karen -

you couldn't have gone through life
like that.

Right, you give us that soup.

You're stirring all the flavour
out of it.

But it's not hot yet.
Ah, that's all right.

I generally finish it off
in the microwave anyway.

FAIRGROUND MUSIC

Oi! Go easy on that, will ya?

What did I just tell you?
This machine's rigged.

YOU'LL be rigged in a minute
if you don't pack that in.

THUDDING

Oi!

Hey, do you recognise him?
Cos he's barred.

Yolanda?

Hello?

Mork calling Orson. You with us?

It's no good asking me. What do you
mean it's no good asking you?

I was knee-deep in Terry Pratchett.

You know there's only supposed to be
one of you in there, don't you?

Anyway, they all look the same
to me.

Who? Humans?

Men.
What, all men look the same to you?

All men, do they?

You couldn't tell the difference
between, like, Brad Pitt

and...Tommy Cooper?

Who's Tommy Cooper? He's the fella
with the red...

"Who's Tommy Cooper?"
You're taking the piss.

All right, then.
Who's Ponder Stibbons?

What? Who's Fred Colon?

Who's Nobby Nobbs?

Fred Colon, Nobby Nobb...
You're making these up.

Yeah, we just come
from very different worlds.

Yeah, you literally.
I beg your pardon?

Is this all from your, er,
Dungeons & Dragons and that?

SHE SCOFFS
Dungeons & Dragons.

Sorry, what year are we in, 1982?

Mike!

Cafe, quick. Where've YOU been?

Cafe - now!

Right, I'll be back in 10 minutes.
Nanu, nanu.

# Got myself a crying, talking

♪ Sleeping, walking,
living doll... ♪

Shall we get you under the dryers,
Mrs Bookham?

PHONE RINGS

Hello, Geraldine's -
Geraldine speaking.

How can I help?

Oh, no, love, I'm sorry,
we don't touch feet.

Yeah, there used to be a man in the
indoor market with a tank of fish

you could stick your feet in,
but I think he got arrested.

No bother at all.

You're welcome.

Best of luck.

He DID get arrested.

Who did?
The fella in the indoor market

with the fish that ate the
dead skin off your feet.

Oh, yes, I heard that.
Do you know what happened?

Well, when the fish died,
he gave them to his brother

who deep-fried them and sold them
in his pub as whitebait.

Never! Right,
I'm off to powder me nose,

and I hope you've got plenty of
paper in, not like last time.

It were like being up shit creek
without a canoe,

never mind a paddle.

And something to read.
I don't like to be rushed.

I'm very particular
about my ablutions.

Do you want an Echo?

How do you do that?

Leave the door open?

No, a Northern Echo.

Oh, right. Thank you.

And don't come looking for me,

I'll be a good while.
Dr Sidhari told me not to strain.

Oh, no, don't strain.
We've just decorated.

Sorry I'm late, Gerry. There were
a massive queue in Jackson's.

They've started doing curry pies.
People are going mad for 'em.

They're doing curry in a pie?
Apparently. What sort of curry?

I've no idea. Here, do you want
to put the cakes in the back?

Are they big?

They're the same ones
we get every Friday.

Not the cream cakes, the curry pies.
No idea, I didn't see 'em.

Right, pop the kettle on.

Lovely.

Are you going to The Ship tonight?
Yeah, definitely.

Are you and Mike going?

Yeah.

Well, I'M going.
I don't know about Mike.

I haven't spoke to him
for a few days.

Well, a week.

Oh, you've just got back together,
haven't you? Yeah.

Look, I ain't told anybody this,
but, um...

..you know last week
when we were in The Ship,

and they were calling for us
to sing Everlasting Love,

but Mike weren't there? Yeah.

Well, I went to go find him.
I mean, you know what Jack's like

if you miss your song, you're
straight to the back of the queue.

Anyway, he weren't in the pub,
so I've gone outside,

and as I have stepped outside,
I've seen him disappear

behind the, um...you know
the crab stall opposite?

Yeah.

So I've crossed over, and I've gone
behind the back of the crab stall...

..and he were there...

..with Hayley Cox...

..and they were kissing.

He didn't even notice me.

I just turned round
and went back in the pub.

A few minutes later,
he came back in, and he said,

"I'm sorry I went outside,
I felt a bit sick."

I said "Oh, right, did ya?
Who were you with?"

He said, "Nobody, why?"

So I said,
"You weren't with Hayley Cox?"

He said, "I don't know
what you're talking about,"

so I said, "I saw you together
behind the back of the crab stall."

He couldn't say anything.

It's like he were frozen...

..and I just walked out.

I ain't answered any of his calls
or his texts since then.

And I just...

..I just feel so betrayed.

When you say curry pies,
do you mean just, like, spicy,

or pies with actual curry in them?

MUSIC: Somewhere In My Heart
by Aztec Camera

Cheers, love.

There you go.

What's going on, then?
Have you not seen outside?

The place is swarming with Old Bill.

Oh, you not paid the TV licence
again?

Mike, I am a marked man,
and you know it.

I can't go back inside.

That month in solitary in Wakefield
almost destroyed me.

Bigsy, you've never been to
Wakefield, never mind prison.

You weren't there, mate.
You weren't there.

No, neither were you.
Short memory, you.

How do you think me and you met?

We met on a speed awareness course
in Bridlington.

Oh, whatever.

Where've you been
the last few days anyway?

Out of town. I had a little bit of
business to attend to, you know.

Oh, aye. You stay with
your Auntie June? Yeah, says hello.

Here's a little idea.
Why don't you move in with her,

and then I can get myself a flatmate
who actually pays rent?

Ooh, that's hot.

How's Karen?

I don't know. Haven't spoken to her
since Friday.

Pff, I don't know.
Bitches.

I beg your pardon?

No, I'm just saying that
she's still got the hump with ya.

Yeah. Well, I mean,
she's not returning me calls.

Jimmy Savile had the right idea.

I'm sorry? About women.

He used to call them brain damage.

Wow.

Ju... Wow. What?

Of all the people that you could
quote on relationship advice,

you're giving me Jimmy Savile?

I mean, even for you,
that's off the grid. Yeah, sorry.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

It was a cracking theme tune,
though, weren't it? Jim'll Fix It.

Right, stop it now. Stop.

So what...what you going to do
about Karen?

Not sure.

I told you we had that massive
argument at The Ship,

but I didn't tell you what it was
about, did I? I'm listening.

She caught me getting off with
someone else. Who? No, I can't say.

Was it Hayley Cox? Yeah, it was,
yeah.

Well, you know what they say
about Hayley.

"Cox by name..." Yes,
I know what they say, thank you.

"..cox by nature."
What is wrong with you?

What was she like? Well,
she asked me to go back to hers.

And did you? No, of course not!
I'm with Karen.

I mean, I know what you're like
when you've had five pints.

Oh, shut up. I didn't, though,
did I?

You know she's back
with Tony Peroni.

What? Yeah. Got released
from Doncaster nick this morning.

Oh, my God, I'm a dead man.

Hang on,
I thought he got three years?

His brief got it down to a year.
He did six months.

That's what you get when you're
the head of the ice-cream mafia.

And you know what they say
about Tony Peroni.

"If he puts a contract out on you,
you end up a raspberry ripple."

Shut up, knobhead.
It was only a kiss. Yeah, no, sure.

I mean, he'll probably
only break one of your legs.

Anyway, I'm off down The Ship
tonight. Karaoke on. Fancy it?

Maybe. I...I'll see you back
at the flat if you go back there.

Right. I'm going to make a move.

IN JAMAICAN ACCENT: If me can steer
clear of the dirty Babylon.

Oh, and hey, hey, Mike.
Don't worry about Karen.

Single life ain't all that bad.

Look at me!
CUTLERY CLATTERS

That looks lovely, Mrs Bell.
See you next week.

I've got you booked in for
Thursday next week, Mrs Bell.

I'm assuming that's on account
of Mrs Swithenbank's funeral?

That's right.

Did you hear how she died?
I couldn't believe it.

Oh, isn't it terrible?

Well, I've always said there should
be an upper age limit

on them roller coasters.

Right, see you Thursday, then.
Thanks, Gerry.

Is it all right if I go now?

Have you put the towels
in the washing machine?

No, I haven't.
I'll do the towels.

Aw, thanks, Kaz. I'll see
you at The Ship.

See you tomorrow, Gerry. Geraldine.

Oh, I don't know...

Oh, best go steady tonight.
Busy day tomorrow.

Oh, that's funny. Mrs Bookham
not come in today?

Mrs Bookham! What about her?

She never came back from the toilet.

How long's she been in there?

Four hours.

Mrs Bookham?

It's Geraldine.

Would you like the moist tissues?

They're usually only for staff, but
if you're having a bit of trouble...

Have we got a hammer?

Well, she'd be better
with the moist tissues.

No, to break the door down.

Oh, we don't need to do that.

KAREN GASPS

Oh, Mrs Bookham.

Dr Sidhari told her not to strain.

MUSIC: Kingston Town
by UB40

The night seems to fade

But the moonlight lingers on

There are wonders for everyone

Yeah

The stars shine so bright

But they're fading after dawn

♪ There is magic
in Scarborough town... ♪

Thank you, love.

Thank you.

What's that say?
"All These Things I Hate."

Who's that by?
Bullet For My Valentine.

Charming. No, we ain't got it.
You didn't even look.

I don't need to look. I know my
song list like the back of me hand.

You know, not everyone wants to sing
old songs by Elvis Presley.

Well, he ain't got many new ones.

You all right, Mike?
You going to give us a song?

Oh, not tonight, Jack.

I've just been given the entire
Phil Collins back catalogue.

My condolences.
You Can't Hurry Love.

Well, you can say that again. Go on.

No. Look, not tonight, mate.

I'm just sick of listening
to these tone-deaf arseholes.

Um...

Oh, sorry, Mike.
Bigsy's a mate of yours, ain't he?

Yeah, but, you know, you put up a
good argument. Hey, I tell you what.

Why don't you do the one that you
were going to do last week

before you disappeared? Not
You Can't Hurry Love. Oh...

Everlasting Love.
I'll put you down for that.

No, Jack.
No, I don't fancy it toni...

Did you want a drink, Mike?
Nah, I'm just stood here,

trying to get rid of cramp.
Oh, OK. No, that was a joke.

I'm going to start bringing my own.

Right, let's see what all the fuss
is about. Amazing.

Well? Ooh, that's quite spicy.

You all right? QUITE spicy?

QUITE spicy?!
Jesus Christ, that's vindaloo!

Oi! What are you doing?
I need a drink.

That's mine.
Lisa Marie, me gob's on fire.

I don't want vindaloo round me rim.
For God's sake!

Sorry, Mike, did you want serving?
Yes, I was just joking before.

Pint of tap water, please.
Hey, there's a queue here.

For God's sake!

Finally. Right, OK, er, two... Two
pints of Ellison's, please, Jess.

This is a joke.

Lisa, ain't it?

Lisa Marie. Yeah.

How's Karen?

What do you mean?

Like...she been all right?
You know, this week?

Looks all right to me.

It's your mate, ain't it?

Yeah. Yeah, he's quite fit.

Oh, I thought you meant
the fella singing.

I do.

Mm-hm.

Nice one, Bigsy. And we'll be back
with more singers after this.

Smashed it, obvs. Thanks, Jess.

Right, I'd better go and see
if Mandy's OK.

You all right?

Jesus.

Who's that?
Oh, she works with Karen. Oof.

Yeah, terrible taste in men
as well. No, I bet.

Right, the drinks are on me.

After losing a fiver at your place
on Only Fools And Horses,

I put a quid into Ronnie O'Sullivan,
and he paid out

70 sheets.

Any of that going on rent?

Ah, it's all accounted for, really.
Soz.

Right, sit down. You're in shock.
I'll get you a brandy. A brandy?!

Absolutely not.
You know I don't drink, Karen.

Well, do you want me to get Jess
to do you a coffee?

I'll have a whisky.

Er, I think they've got Bell's.
Is that OK?

Oh, no, nothing blended.
I'll have a single malt.

Something like a Glenfiddich.

Or maybe an American bourbon
if they've got it

you know, like a Jim Beam.

Or even a Wild Turkey.
I'm not really bothered.

Um. They've got Jack Daniel's?

Oh, no, that's not a bourbon,
it's a sour mash.

Oh.

Is it true somebody died
in your salon tonight?

How the heck do you know that?

It's all over Facebook.
How is it all over Facebook?

There were only me
and Geraldine there.

Bernard's brother Ozzy's on a tag,
so he just sits at home all day,

listening to the police
on a scanner.

Cor, she's here. Yeah, I know,
I've seen her.

I don't mean Karen,
I mean...Hayley Cox.

Oh, shit.

Well, you getting these drinks in
or not?

Aww, this is cosy.

Staff night out, is it?

Karen, I was wondering,

can you fit me nana in
for a shampoo and set tomorrow?

She died in 2006,

but I know you're not that picky
about your customers being alive.

Have you no respect?

I'm sorry about last week.

I suppose you were bound to catch
me and your Mike together

at SOME point.

All right, Karen? You took your
time. Hiya, Geraldine.

You all right?
You look like you've seen a ghost.

I'll get the drinks in.

Whatever.

I'll have a Pernod and black...

Some people have got no manners.
Yeah.

I've been ringing you all week.

Why did you deny it? What?

I saw you outside with her.

I'm so sorry.

So?

Why deny it?

Because I was mortified.
YOU were mortified?

She literally ambushed me.
I was hammered.

She's just tried to say
it weren't the first time.

For God's sake.

That woman is pure evil.

Yeah, I know she is.

That's why I'm so upset.

I mean, of all people.

I knew we shouldn't have
got back together.

Oh, don't say that.
Please don't say that.

I'm sorry. I...I'm so sorry.

Please don't hate me.

Of course I don't hate you.

I just...
OK, kids, it's karaoke time again.

I've got to get Geraldine a drink.

First up this session,
let's hear it for Mike.

MUSIC: Everlasting Love

Hearts gone astray

Leaving hurt when they go

I went away

Just when you, you needed me so

You won't regret

I come back, begging you

Won't you forget?

Welcome love we once knew

Open up your eyes

Then you'll realise

Here I stand with my
everlasting love...

Mrs Bookham, dead.
I can't believe it.

God rest her soul.

Would it be disrespectful
to change the bog seat?

Open up your heart

Be the lasting part
of everlasting love...

Don't be so uptight, Karen.

Most of the men in Scarborough
are shagging someone

behind their partner's backs.

It's only sex.

You wish.

She must've left a corpse
under the dryer.

Where life's river flows

No-one really knows

Till someone's there to show
the way to lasting love

Like the sun that shines

Endlessly, it shines

You always will be mine
It's eternal love

Whenever love went wrong
Ours will still be strong

We'll have our very own
everlasting love.

Oh, Marion, is everything OK?

Mother, what are you doing?

Well, Mr Ferris called in
to ask if you were all right.

He said his nephew told him that
someone had died at Geraldine's.

Oh, for goodness' sake. Well,
you weren't answering your phone.

I'm sorry, but I was really worried
about you.

No, it's OK. Come on, let's get
you... Everything all right, Marion?

Yeah, she's fine. What's going on?

No, she's fine.
I'll text you later. Karen!

I'll go with 'em.

My throat will seize up
if I wait any longer for that drink.

Open up your eyes

Then you'll realise

Here I stand with my
everlasting...

You don't remember me, do you?

Isn't your name Pigsy or summat?

I'm Barry Dixon.

You shagged both me brothers,
Martin and Brian.

Well, at least I knew
where to draw the line.

I think the only reason you've not
shagged me is cos I'm single.

I don't think
that's the only reason.

You are a slag and a home-wrecker.

That might be true, Pigsy,

but what you fail to mention is

I'm very good at being both.

Is this the one?
What are YOU doing here?

Is this the one?

Him? You've got to be joking!
Your name is Mike, yes?

She just said no. Are you stupid?
What did you just say?

Sorry, it was a rhetorical question.

What does that mean? Well, it's
a rhetorical question.

A question that doesn't require
an answer.

JACK:Thanks, Mike.
Great track there by Love Affair.

OK, next up, we have Scampy Andy
with Bohemian Rhapsody.

As you know, I don't drink,

but I've found a drop
of Raymond's favourite

a lovely 12-year-old Triple Cask.

God rest his soul.

Marion!

You're supposed to sip it...
I believe.

Bugger that. I'm in shock.
Is it in the kitchen? I'll get it.

No, you sit down. I'm not dead yet.

Unlike poor Mrs Bookham.

What a day.

Karen, you know Mrs Bookham?

Yeah?

Well, I've got something
to tell you. What?

I did something wrong.

Something I should've told
the police about.

Something I'll have to live with
for the rest of me life.

You didn't kill her, did you?
No, of course I didn't kill her.

What a thing to say!

When I went to get her bag,

when the police arrived... Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I looked in it.

And? There was some money in it.

A lot of money. How much?

And you know how Mrs Bookham
hasn't got any children,

and Mr Bookham died not long
after my Raymond, and, well...

..I was worried...
it would just go missing...

..the money.

And, well, Mrs Bookham,
she wouldn't have wanted that.

You didn't...?

SHE GASPS

What's going on?

I need love, love

Ooh, to ease my mind

And I need to find time
someone to call mine

My mama said you can't hurry love

No, you just have to wait

Love don't come easy

It's a game of give and take

You can't hurry love

No, you just have to wait

Just trust in the good times

No matter how long it takes...

PHIL COLLINS:
How many heartaches must I stand

Before I find a love
to let me live again?

Right now, the only thing
that keeps me hanging on

When I feel my strength,
ooh, it's almost gone

And remember Mama said

You can't hurry love

No, you just have to wait

She said love don't come easy

It's a game of give and take

You can't hurry love

No, you just have to wait

She said love don't come easy

It's a game of give and take.