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1
00:00:01,601 --> 00:00:03,468
Morty's on Jessica's
Instagram again.
2
00:00:03,470 --> 00:00:04,603
Get out of here,
jerk!
3
00:00:04,605 --> 00:00:05,870
What's so embarrassing,
Morty?
4
00:00:05,872 --> 00:00:07,272
Sharing it with your family
might help.
5
00:00:07,274 --> 00:00:08,941
Summer, stop shaming
your brother.
6
00:00:08,943 --> 00:00:11,410
Morty, stop being a creepy,
perverted cyberstalker.
7
00:00:11,412 --> 00:00:13,077
I'm not cyberstalking!
8
00:00:13,079 --> 00:00:15,948
I-I-I just wanted to know where
she got this necklace from.
9
00:00:15,950 --> 00:00:17,149
And now I know.
10
00:00:17,151 --> 00:00:19,217
Her... Her... Her grandma
left it to her.
11
00:00:19,219 --> 00:00:20,485
You're quiet, Rick.
12
00:00:20,487 --> 00:00:22,755
Shouldn't you be revealing
grandmas aren't real?
13
00:00:22,757 --> 00:00:25,890
Hi. I've placed an auto-response
chip in my brain
14
00:00:25,892 --> 00:00:28,026
so I can spend time
with my family.
15
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:30,629
But you are spending time
with your family.
16
00:00:30,631 --> 00:00:31,830
Thank you
for talking to Rick.
17
00:00:32,967 --> 00:00:34,299
Alright, I'm finished
with my breakfast
18
00:00:34,301 --> 00:00:36,100
and my Amazon wish list.
Let's go, Morty.
19
00:00:36,102 --> 00:00:38,436
I need death crystals
from Forbodulon Prime.
20
00:00:38,438 --> 00:00:39,704
Uh...
21
00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:42,975
Dad?
There's a way we do this now.
22
00:00:42,977 --> 00:00:46,311
Morty, would you please
accompany me
23
00:00:46,313 --> 00:00:49,114
to Forbodulon Prime
for death crystals?
24
00:00:49,116 --> 00:00:54,319
Well, thank you for asking.
Yes, I will do that.
25
00:00:54,321 --> 00:00:55,788
It is a hot photo.
26
00:00:55,790 --> 00:00:58,190
I think grief
flushes your cheeks.
27
00:00:58,192 --> 00:01:00,192
Dad, you hardly put
any syrup on.
28
00:01:00,194 --> 00:01:01,926
Honey, stop raising
your father's cholesterol
29
00:01:01,928 --> 00:01:03,595
so you can take
a hot funeral selfie.
30
00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:05,397
I never get to do
anything.
31
00:01:38,833 --> 00:01:40,165
Uh, Rick,
maybe if we go a little...
32
00:01:40,167 --> 00:01:41,566
Faster?
Good idea, Morty.
33
00:01:41,568 --> 00:01:44,302
It'll get us through these
asteroids sooner.
34
00:01:51,178 --> 00:01:53,645
Geez, you're really this pissed
about my mom making sure
35
00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:55,047
I'm okay
with our adventures?
36
00:01:55,049 --> 00:01:56,715
What's next, Morty?
What if I want you to jump off
37
00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:59,117
the Empire State Building?
I have to ask? Yes?
38
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,586
And you seriously don't see how
that's a slippery slope?
39
00:02:01,588 --> 00:02:03,988
Just shut up and help me
with these, please.
40
00:02:03,990 --> 00:02:05,457
Why are they called
death crystals?
41
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:06,725
D-Do they kill you?
42
00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:08,193
You're thinking of bullets,
Morty.
43
00:02:08,195 --> 00:02:11,063
Death crystals show you
how you're gonna die.
44
00:02:14,334 --> 00:02:17,202
Jesus Christ!
I-I die a million times?
45
00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:19,137
Your future stems from
your present,
46
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:21,339
which, if you're living right,
keeps changing.
47
00:02:21,341 --> 00:02:23,542
Truth is, anyone that knows how
they're definitely gonna die
48
00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:25,744
is either boring as hell
or about to get shot.
49
00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:27,880
Duck!
50
00:02:27,882 --> 00:02:29,081
Who are those guys?!
51
00:02:29,083 --> 00:02:30,615
Rick:
Crystal poachers.
52
00:02:30,617 --> 00:02:32,084
There's no lower form
of life.
53
00:02:32,086 --> 00:02:34,687
They think the galaxy's
their own personal piggy bank.
54
00:02:34,689 --> 00:02:36,421
Wait, then what are we?
55
00:02:36,423 --> 00:02:37,690
We're Rick and Morty.
56
00:02:37,692 --> 00:02:40,492
You're about to witness the only
real use for these crystals.
57
00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:42,561
They show you when
the other guy's reloading.
58
00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:46,565
Certain death, certain death,
certain death, uncertain death.
59
00:02:49,103 --> 00:02:51,904
And certain death,
certain death, certain death.
60
00:02:51,906 --> 00:02:53,438
Definitely gonna get shot
by this guy;
61
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:56,040
this is totally my fate;
nothing I could possibly do;
62
00:02:56,042 --> 00:02:58,110
okay, now,
not so much.
63
00:02:58,112 --> 00:03:01,113
Help me gather these up.
64
00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:08,787
You just use these to win fights?
I don't use them.
65
00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:11,323
People that spend their life
avoiding death are already dead.
66
00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:14,726
They're also rich, and I like to
spend my life with their money.
67
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:16,061
Oh, my God.
Morty!
68
00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:18,663
Jessica!
Oh!
69
00:03:18,665 --> 00:03:19,998
I love you.
70
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:21,866
Oh! Whoa! Whoa!
71
00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,936
Morty.
Oh! Oh! Oh!
72
00:03:23,938 --> 00:03:25,270
I love you.
73
00:03:25,272 --> 00:03:30,142
Jessica.
I want to die with Jessica.
74
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:37,749
Ahh!
What are you doing?
75
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:40,152
Oh, um, c-can I drive?
Why?
76
00:03:40,154 --> 00:03:42,755
The... feel of the open road?
77
00:03:42,757 --> 00:03:44,623
Alright!
Who's this grandson?
78
00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:46,959
I like his style.
79
00:03:46,961 --> 00:03:49,428
Morty, you know outer space is up, right?
Yeah, yeah.
80
00:03:49,430 --> 00:03:52,831
I'm just, uh,
following... my... instincts.
81
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:54,499
Will you just go up?
Stop!
82
00:03:54,501 --> 00:03:56,568
You're gonna make me die wrong!
Wait a minute, what?
83
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,370
Morty, do you have
a death crystal in your pocket?
84
00:03:58,372 --> 00:03:59,904
No! Maybe!
You little monster!
85
00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:01,106
I thought you were
masturbating!
86
00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:02,174
And you took that
in stride?!
87
00:04:02,176 --> 00:04:03,175
You'd rather
I address it?!
88
00:04:03,177 --> 00:04:04,576
Why would I be doing it?!
89
00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:05,778
Why would you steal
a death crystal?!
90
00:04:05,780 --> 00:04:06,779
I want to die old!
91
00:04:06,781 --> 00:04:07,912
Then stop driving!
92
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:08,913
No!
You son of a bitch!
93
00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:10,382
Give me the wheel, Morty.
94
00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:11,916
Goddamn it.
95
00:04:21,127 --> 00:04:23,328
Ohhh, shit.
96
00:04:23,330 --> 00:04:25,597
Oh, , oh, ,
oh, , oh,.
97
00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:28,200
I love you, Morty.
98
00:04:28,202 --> 00:04:30,803
I will avenge my death.
99
00:04:30,805 --> 00:04:32,471
Holy!
Just kidding.
100
00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:34,606
I'm a crisis detection
and correction hologram
101
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:37,942
generated by a chip that
"real" Rick put in your spine.
102
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:41,079
"Real" in quotes because calling
density-privileged entities
103
00:04:41,081 --> 00:04:42,547
"real"
is incredibly holo-phobic.
104
00:04:42,549 --> 00:04:45,150
Morty, do me a solid...
problematic wordplay aside...
105
00:04:45,152 --> 00:04:47,085
grab the gun with the blue
handle from the trunk
106
00:04:47,087 --> 00:04:50,823
and get a tissue sample
from the corpse.
107
00:04:52,026 --> 00:04:53,425
Alright, now
take that to the trunk
108
00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:57,229
and insert it
into the clone compiler.
109
00:04:57,231 --> 00:04:59,498
I see you appear to be holding
a death crystal
110
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:01,633
that's guiding your decisions
more than I am.
111
00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:03,368
That's your right.
112
00:05:03,370 --> 00:05:05,704
I just want to remind you that
some people can't hold anything
113
00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:08,907
and can never die, so that's
a little offensive to...
114
00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:12,377
Oh, okay.
115
00:05:12,379 --> 00:05:14,779
Listen, I'm programmed
for tolerance, Morty.
116
00:05:14,781 --> 00:05:16,581
So I'm willing to accept
that you're doing this
117
00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:19,084
if you're willing to accept
that you need to stop.
118
00:05:23,257 --> 00:05:25,323
Accepting.
Rerouted.
119
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:29,928
Backup. Data.
Operation. Phoenix. Initiated.
120
00:05:31,398 --> 00:05:35,534
What the hell?
I axed this protocol.
121
00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:37,135
What are you doing
with my clone?
122
00:05:37,137 --> 00:05:38,603
It's okay. I'm you.
123
00:05:38,605 --> 00:05:41,139
I took my own clone vat offline
a couple seasons ago,
124
00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:43,808
so I think my backup got
rerouted to your universe.
125
00:05:43,810 --> 00:05:46,078
I'm sorry. All good.
Happy to help.
126
00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:48,280
By the way, annoying
that I even have to ask,
127
00:05:48,282 --> 00:05:52,350
but you are down with
fascist dystopias, right?
128
00:05:55,690 --> 00:05:57,956
YYYYYes.
129
00:05:57,958 --> 00:05:59,491
That "yes" was pretty...
130
00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:01,760
Liberal
with the letter "Y."
131
00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:03,828
Well, isn't this strange.
132
00:06:03,830 --> 00:06:06,164
I trust, the kind of strange
that makes Rick and Morty...
133
00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:07,499
stronger.
134
00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:09,634
Morty, I caught this socialist
in my bathrobe.
135
00:06:09,636 --> 00:06:11,236
He wants to give
all of our martinis
136
00:06:11,238 --> 00:06:12,437
to a family
of immigrants.
137
00:06:12,439 --> 00:06:13,972
Obviously,
the most likely imposter
138
00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:16,174
is the wet, naked clone.
It is obvious.
139
00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:17,976
But it won't be
to the police.
140
00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:19,844
Ohh!
'Kay.
141
00:06:19,846 --> 00:06:22,114
He was an inferior Rick.
He was too political.
142
00:06:22,116 --> 00:06:24,449
I want to have fun, classic
Rick-and-Morty adventures
143
00:06:24,451 --> 00:06:25,584
like in the old days.
144
00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:27,719
Then we'll get along fine,
Fascist Morty.
145
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:30,122
For starters, I just need to get
to Forbodulon Prime...
146
00:06:30,124 --> 00:06:32,257
You will go
where I want you to go!!
147
00:06:34,729 --> 00:06:36,528
Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
148
00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:38,863
Not cloning your grandpa
has got to go!
149
00:06:38,865 --> 00:06:40,332
Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
150
00:06:40,334 --> 00:06:42,267
Not cloning your grandpa
has got to go!
151
00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:44,603
You don't get out of my face,
I'm gonna flush Rick's DNA.
152
00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:47,672
Alright.
Okay, regroup, everybody.
153
00:06:47,674 --> 00:06:49,274
You, too, Berkeley!
154
00:06:49,276 --> 00:06:50,342
Snap out of it.
155
00:06:50,344 --> 00:06:52,144
At least tell me
what this death is
156
00:06:52,146 --> 00:06:53,946
that you're
so determined to...
157
00:06:53,948 --> 00:06:58,150
Oh. Jessica.
158
00:06:58,152 --> 00:07:00,552
Morty, I love...
159
00:07:00,554 --> 00:07:04,689
What?! No, no!
No, no, no!
160
00:07:04,691 --> 00:07:06,891
I love you.
161
00:07:06,893 --> 00:07:08,493
Damn it!
162
00:07:08,495 --> 00:07:10,228
How am I gonna die with her
if I can't even talk to her?
163
00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:11,896
Here's an idea, Morty.
Throw that thing in the garbage,
164
00:07:11,898 --> 00:07:14,032
stop planning your own death,
and talk to whoever you want.
165
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:15,367
Now you just sound
like Real Rick.
166
00:07:15,369 --> 00:07:16,701
You're better than
that language, Morty.
167
00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:18,771
I ain't better than shit,
Jack.
168
00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:23,508
So, uh,
w-what are we doing?
169
00:07:23,510 --> 00:07:26,244
Stop asking questions.
Stop doing meta-commentary.
170
00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:27,512
Just have fun.
171
00:07:27,514 --> 00:07:29,648
We're going on a simple,
fun, classic adventure.
172
00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:31,249
Okay, you know what?
It would really help
173
00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:34,919
if you could just say anything
other than what you don't want.
174
00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:36,321
I like Mr. Meeseeks.
175
00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:38,056
Okay, now we're talking.
You know what?
176
00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:40,325
I usually keep a Meeseeks box
in my glove compartment,
177
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:42,727
so maybe Fascist Rick
does, too.
178
00:07:42,729 --> 00:07:44,329
Ah!
Well, look at that.
179
00:07:44,331 --> 00:07:46,865
Now we're doing something
we've done before.
180
00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:48,400
I'm Mr. Meeseeks!
181
00:07:48,402 --> 00:07:49,802
Kill this Nazi prick!
182
00:07:49,804 --> 00:07:51,269
Can do!
183
00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:53,271
- Come here, you son of a bitch!
- No! Stop!
184
00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:03,148
Accepting. Rerouted.
185
00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:08,020
Backup. Data.
Operation. Phoenix. Initiated.
186
00:08:09,890 --> 00:08:12,424
Aw, come on, man.
187
00:08:12,426 --> 00:08:13,958
Whoa, are you okay?
188
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,160
Yeah, sorry.
189
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:16,561
I'm a Rick
from another reality.
190
00:08:16,563 --> 00:08:18,430
I-I got uploaded
to your clone vat.
191
00:08:18,432 --> 00:08:20,565
Hey, don't worry about it, man.
I have a dozen.
192
00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:21,900
W-W-What the heck,
Rick?
193
00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:23,502
Are you making clones
down here?
194
00:08:23,504 --> 00:08:24,703
Get outta here, Morty!
195
00:08:24,705 --> 00:08:26,238
Stop asking
stupid questions, Morty!
196
00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:27,305
You sound like a piece of.
197
00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:28,773
Aw, geez.
198
00:08:28,775 --> 00:08:30,575
So, tell the truth, man.
No shame.
199
00:08:30,577 --> 00:08:32,644
You're looking at
your shrimp body like "What?!"
200
00:08:32,646 --> 00:08:34,579
Ah, is it that obvious?
I'm sorry.
201
00:08:34,581 --> 00:08:37,782
Yeah, my original body is more
bipedal... uh, ape-descended.
202
00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:38,917
Really! Weird.
203
00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:40,318
Does your house look
like a tree, or...
204
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:41,653
No, it looks like this.
205
00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:44,056
It's, like, identical
to this, actually.
206
00:08:44,058 --> 00:08:45,257
That is such
a mind.
207
00:08:45,259 --> 00:08:46,658
It's all good, man.
I'm fine with it.
208
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,593
Honestly, you're doing me
a huge favor
209
00:08:48,595 --> 00:08:51,263
by being shrimp
instead of fascists.
210
00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:53,465
What?
211
00:08:53,467 --> 00:08:54,666
Goddamn it!
212
00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:56,935
When did this shit become
the default?!
213
00:08:58,673 --> 00:09:01,606
Who wants to come up
to the board
214
00:09:01,608 --> 00:09:03,208
and show me
some basic-ass integers?
215
00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:04,676
- I love you, Morty.
- Aah!
216
00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:10,082
Morty?
Yeah, right.
217
00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:14,819
That's not an integer!
218
00:09:14,821 --> 00:09:16,488
Apparently,
it doesn't matter.
219
00:09:16,490 --> 00:09:17,890
Damn, Morty,
you're bad at math,
220
00:09:17,892 --> 00:09:20,092
but I'm giving you
an A-plus in confidence.
221
00:09:20,094 --> 00:09:21,293
Just doin'
what I gotta do.
222
00:09:21,295 --> 00:09:23,295
Extra credit!
223
00:09:23,297 --> 00:09:28,166
I love you, Morty.
I love you, Morty.
224
00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:29,301
What's with the strut?
225
00:09:29,303 --> 00:09:30,769
You think you own this school?
- Nope!
226
00:09:30,771 --> 00:09:33,105
What if I killed you?
Would you be strutting then?
227
00:09:33,107 --> 00:09:36,241
Only if the events of the Pixar
movie "Coco" are to be believed,
228
00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:37,242
which I doubt.
229
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:38,577
I have it on good authority
230
00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:40,378
that you're probably
not gonna kill me.
231
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:41,846
So why don't you do
what I do
232
00:09:41,848 --> 00:09:47,051
and just go with the flow,
nice and Zen, baby.
233
00:09:47,053 --> 00:09:50,255
Aah! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!
234
00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:52,056
Ugh! Impotence!
235
00:09:52,058 --> 00:09:57,329
Aah! Impotent rage!
236
00:09:57,331 --> 00:09:59,331
Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!
237
00:09:59,333 --> 00:10:02,667
You die tomorrow,
no matter what.
238
00:10:02,669 --> 00:10:06,605
It's what bullies call
a "fait accompli."
239
00:10:06,607 --> 00:10:09,207
Oh, man! Oh,!
Well, well, well. Mm.
240
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:12,010
Looks like you got yourself in
a lick of trouble, huh, Morty?
241
00:10:12,012 --> 00:10:13,746
Okay, okay, look,
if you help me not die,
242
00:10:13,748 --> 00:10:15,680
I'll bring Rick
back to life.
243
00:10:15,682 --> 00:10:17,816
Why are you pretending
to eat chicken?
244
00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:18,883
Excuse me?
245
00:10:18,885 --> 00:10:20,285
This chicken is
quite real to me.
246
00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:21,420
Yeah, okay,
but it doesn't have...
247
00:10:21,422 --> 00:10:22,621
Nutrients?
Yeah.
248
00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:23,956
What's the last thing
you ate?
249
00:10:23,958 --> 00:10:24,756
Baloney and an orange.
250
00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:26,291
So, no holographic foods?
251
00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:28,026
So, to me, you never ate?
252
00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:29,694
Or we could try
respecting each other.
253
00:10:29,696 --> 00:10:31,764
Will you just show me
how to stay alive?
254
00:10:31,766 --> 00:10:33,298
Hologram Rick:
Alright, Morty, a deal's a deal.
255
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:34,899
Once we bring your Rick
back to life,
256
00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:36,769
then I'll help you
with the bully.
257
00:10:36,771 --> 00:10:38,971
Go ahead and open the hatch
to the subterranean lab.
258
00:10:38,973 --> 00:10:40,705
That's where all
the cloning equipment is.
259
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:44,977
Please tell me you're not
hitting that crystal again.
260
00:10:44,979 --> 00:10:48,447
Look, Rick might be the epitome
of bloated flesh privilege,
261
00:10:48,449 --> 00:10:50,115
but he's right
about one thing.
262
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:52,517
You're gonna be a lot happier
if you focus on the moment,
263
00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:53,986
rather than on
how you're gonna die.
264
00:10:53,988 --> 00:10:55,720
I mean, w-who's worried
about that, huh?
265
00:10:55,722 --> 00:10:57,255
Sorry, Hologram Rick.
266
00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:59,658
I'm going with the crystal
on this one.
267
00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:01,460
Morty.
268
00:11:01,462 --> 00:11:03,128
Oh, alright, okay.
269
00:11:03,130 --> 00:11:05,464
Just because I can't interact
with solid matter
270
00:11:05,466 --> 00:11:07,733
means you can just
walk all over me?
271
00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:11,203
Dear God.
272
00:11:15,142 --> 00:11:17,876
Bist du faschistisch?
273
00:11:17,878 --> 00:11:19,011
Nope.
274
00:11:23,017 --> 00:11:23,948
Finally.
275
00:11:23,950 --> 00:11:26,284
I thought maybe you were
pussying out.
276
00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:27,419
Hyah!
277
00:11:27,421 --> 00:11:28,553
What the?
278
00:11:28,555 --> 00:11:29,888
Oh, the air's getting thin!
279
00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:32,757
Well, well, well, looks like
there's a new bully in town!
280
00:11:32,759 --> 00:11:36,160
Lucky for us, he just made
bully-bullying the new bullying!
281
00:11:36,162 --> 00:11:39,031
Bully him!
282
00:11:39,033 --> 00:11:40,765
Aah!
283
00:11:40,767 --> 00:11:43,568
Cop: We've got
an Akira-type situation going on
284
00:11:43,570 --> 00:11:46,304
behind the mall.
Over.
285
00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:48,240
Dying with Jessica...
286
00:11:48,242 --> 00:11:50,108
Hey!
287
00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:52,911
What the hell?
288
00:11:52,913 --> 00:11:55,247
Aah! Aah!
289
00:11:58,252 --> 00:12:00,652
I'm Mr. Meeseeks!
Look at me!
290
00:12:00,654 --> 00:12:02,521
Shield me from the law!
291
00:12:02,523 --> 00:12:04,789
- Yes, sir! Can do!
- Stand down!
292
00:12:04,791 --> 00:12:07,125
Look at me!
293
00:12:21,475 --> 00:12:24,209
I... will... die... old!
294
00:12:24,211 --> 00:12:26,611
Up next, an unstoppable
science-fiction boy
295
00:12:26,613 --> 00:12:29,013
is attacking our nation's
final line of defense.
296
00:12:29,015 --> 00:12:30,683
Will we all fall
to his deadly touch?
297
00:12:30,685 --> 00:12:32,484
But first, something silly?
298
00:12:32,486 --> 00:12:34,018
What do you mean,
"but first"?
299
00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:36,088
I already said "up next."
You always do this.
300
00:12:36,090 --> 00:12:38,623
I don't always do shit.
Don't gaslight me.
301
00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:39,824
Gaslighting doesn't exist.
302
00:12:39,826 --> 00:12:41,694
You made it up
'cause you're crazy.
303
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:01,713
Why are you letting me
do this?
304
00:13:01,715 --> 00:13:04,783
I do as the crystal guides.
305
00:13:06,186 --> 00:13:08,587
Your Honor, my client was acting
in self-defense.
306
00:13:08,589 --> 00:13:10,855
He turned 13 men
into piles of ash.
307
00:13:10,857 --> 00:13:13,125
Sit down!
Before I sentence you,
308
00:13:13,127 --> 00:13:16,328
is there anything
you have to say for yourself?
309
00:13:16,330 --> 00:13:23,335
I... w-w-will a-al-sways...
310
00:13:23,337 --> 00:13:30,943
always r-r-remember
o-our...
311
00:13:30,945 --> 00:13:36,615
our... our... v-v-t-time...
time...
312
00:13:36,617 --> 00:13:41,686
I-in... f-g-g-g-P-P-Peru.
313
00:13:41,688 --> 00:13:44,489
I will always remember our time
in Peru, Your Honor.
314
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:45,824
Your Honor,
315
00:13:45,826 --> 00:13:48,627
as you can see, my client
is speaking nonsense.
316
00:13:48,629 --> 00:13:49,894
Stop.
317
00:13:49,896 --> 00:13:52,631
Those were my husband's
last words.
318
00:13:52,633 --> 00:13:56,635
He says that he... l-loves you...
319
00:13:56,637 --> 00:14:01,506
ttt-llll-lit-lit-little...
little
320
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:07,780
ff-gg-sp-spa-ffggarrow...
321
00:14:07,782 --> 00:14:08,781
sparrow!
322
00:14:08,783 --> 00:14:10,649
He loves you,
little sparrow.
323
00:14:11,986 --> 00:14:14,252
He's innocent.
Case dismissed.
324
00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:17,055
I'm coming for you, Condor!
325
00:14:17,057 --> 00:14:20,258
Well, I, for one, will not be
accepting this verdict.
326
00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:23,328
And this little monster may
think he's gotten away,
327
00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:25,664
but there is something called
the court of public opinion
328
00:14:25,666 --> 00:14:27,532
that still has final say
in this country.
329
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,201
Oh, I guess he's coming out
of the courthouse now.
330
00:14:29,203 --> 00:14:30,402
Let's go live to that.
331
00:14:44,618 --> 00:14:46,751
People, I gotta tell you
something.
332
00:14:46,753 --> 00:14:48,086
That little boy...
333
00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:50,088
I thought I knew everything
about everything.
334
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:53,225
But something about the tones
and frequencies
335
00:14:53,227 --> 00:14:55,227
that just came out of his mouth
have made me...
336
00:14:55,229 --> 00:14:57,830
I mean, I think we're just about
ready to forgive him
337
00:14:57,832 --> 00:15:00,298
and move past this whole thing.
He's a free young man.
338
00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:04,503
And as far as continuity goes,
the reset button's been hit.
339
00:15:04,505 --> 00:15:07,372
Morty!
That was a fast trial.
340
00:15:07,374 --> 00:15:09,842
Jess-i-ca?
341
00:15:09,844 --> 00:15:11,776
A bunch of us girls were gonna
go skinny-dipping later,
342
00:15:11,778 --> 00:15:13,245
if you wanted to join.
343
00:15:13,247 --> 00:15:15,447
Actually, now, really.
We're gonna do it right now.
344
00:15:15,449 --> 00:15:17,582
This is the last conversation
I'm having about it
345
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:18,783
fully clothed.
346
00:15:18,785 --> 00:15:20,118
No, thanks.
347
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:23,055
I'm... assuming...
we... maybe...
348
00:15:23,057 --> 00:15:26,324
get together...
in our 40s?
349
00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:27,992
Uh, cool.
350
00:15:27,994 --> 00:15:30,529
Sounds... hot.
351
00:15:30,531 --> 00:15:31,596
Bye.
352
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:34,332
Must... continue...
moving...
353
00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:38,871
in ways... that lead...
to dying... with you.
354
00:15:42,943 --> 00:15:44,609
Whoa!
Way to use up a clone!
355
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:46,411
What the , man?
356
00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:48,547
What's the matter with you?
Y-Y-You don't talk?
357
00:15:48,549 --> 00:15:49,882
Tarantula
got your tongue?
358
00:15:49,884 --> 00:15:54,152
Uh...
Heil, Wasp Hitler?
359
00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:55,554
- What?
- What the?
360
00:15:55,556 --> 00:15:56,955
Where's that
coming from?
361
00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:59,357
Look, I'm a primate.
I-I'm having a hard time.
362
00:15:59,359 --> 00:16:01,093
I'll think or say
whatever gets me home.
363
00:16:01,095 --> 00:16:03,228
Well, here's how it works
with wasps.
364
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:05,163
We eat our prey alive,
and when we don't,
365
00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:06,765
we lay our eggs
in their eyeballs
366
00:16:06,767 --> 00:16:08,633
so that our young can feast
on their brains
367
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:09,968
when they hatch.
368
00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:11,436
When you're born
that big an asshole,
369
00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:13,906
the least you can do is
have a little empathy.
370
00:16:13,908 --> 00:16:16,775
Now, come have dinner
with my beautiful family.
371
00:16:16,777 --> 00:16:18,310
And drop the Hitler stuff.
372
00:16:18,312 --> 00:16:21,113
Wasp Morty's been on
some crazy message boards.
373
00:16:21,115 --> 00:16:22,781
Aah! Aah!
374
00:16:22,783 --> 00:16:24,849
Oh! Aah! Ow!
375
00:16:24,851 --> 00:16:26,118
Me and my friends
want to fly around
376
00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:27,720
and look for something
to sting tonight.
377
00:16:27,722 --> 00:16:29,854
You be careful not to waste
all your venom.
378
00:16:29,856 --> 00:16:31,924
I'm not a bee, Dad.
379
00:16:31,926 --> 00:16:35,059
Oh, God! Kill me!
Please kill me!
380
00:16:35,061 --> 00:16:37,796
Uh, Beth, uh, after dinner,
could I maybe borrow Morty
381
00:16:37,798 --> 00:16:41,066
to help the lost Rick get back
to his primate-based reality?
382
00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:42,935
Morty, are you done
with your homework?
383
00:16:42,937 --> 00:16:45,470
Not all of it.
Sorry, Dad.
384
00:16:45,472 --> 00:16:48,072
Oh, don't be sorry, sweetie.
We're all in this together.
385
00:16:48,074 --> 00:16:50,008
We're wasps, not monsters.
386
00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:51,209
Aah!
387
00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:53,812
Huh, guess I don't have it
as bad as I thought.
388
00:16:53,814 --> 00:16:56,415
Can you pass the acid?
389
00:16:56,417 --> 00:16:59,217
Aah! No!
Run! Run, my babies!
390
00:16:59,219 --> 00:17:00,485
Bonus!
391
00:17:04,358 --> 00:17:05,758
Morty?
Morty?
392
00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:07,626
Where is that little?
Morty!
393
00:17:07,628 --> 00:17:08,827
Whoa, garage foul.
394
00:17:08,829 --> 00:17:10,362
Who said you could
go through my stuff?
395
00:17:10,364 --> 00:17:11,896
W-Where's my Boglin?
396
00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:14,032
There you are.
Don't worry, Pop-pop's back.
397
00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:15,700
I'll keep you safe.
What the...
398
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:18,436
He took my Meeseeks boxes!
All that's left are these
399
00:17:18,438 --> 00:17:21,306
Kirkland brand
Meeseeks boxes.
400
00:17:22,376 --> 00:17:23,442
What do you want?
401
00:17:23,444 --> 00:17:25,844
Damn,
your Morty sucks.
402
00:17:25,846 --> 00:17:26,845
Aah, wasps!
403
00:17:26,847 --> 00:17:28,180
Why the hell
didn't you show Morty
404
00:17:28,182 --> 00:17:29,714
how to bring my body
back to life?
405
00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,049
Don't tell me
you gained sentience
406
00:17:31,051 --> 00:17:32,517
and tried to take over.
What?
407
00:17:32,519 --> 00:17:34,319
That is some A.I.,
racist, accusatory,
408
00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:36,120
Isaac Asimov bull
right there.
409
00:17:36,122 --> 00:17:37,790
Then what happened?
Where's my body?
410
00:17:37,792 --> 00:17:40,092
Oh, you're gonna
love this.
411
00:18:05,419 --> 00:18:09,221
- I love you, Morty.
- This is my life.
412
00:18:09,223 --> 00:18:11,623
This is good.
413
00:18:14,561 --> 00:18:15,760
What do ya know?
414
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:16,895
Our little Morty knows
how to scream.
415
00:18:16,897 --> 00:18:18,763
Oh, you're now!
I told you!
416
00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:22,434
Get him, Rick!
417
00:18:28,375 --> 00:18:30,108
Aaaah!
418
00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:32,377
Aah!
I-I can't see my own death.
419
00:18:32,379 --> 00:18:33,712
H-How am I gonna die?!
420
00:18:33,714 --> 00:18:35,514
Shh, quiet, idiot.
Quiet.
421
00:18:35,516 --> 00:18:36,849
It's gonna be alright.
422
00:18:36,851 --> 00:18:38,583
You don't get to know
how you're gonna die.
423
00:18:38,585 --> 00:18:40,318
It's over.
Oh, hey.
424
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:43,188
This ferrofluid's
wrapping around my legs.
425
00:18:43,190 --> 00:18:46,859
I can feel! I have mass!
426
00:18:46,861 --> 00:18:49,461
- I'm a god now!
- You're!
427
00:18:49,463 --> 00:18:50,863
What the?
428
00:18:50,865 --> 00:18:52,997
I-I thought you were proud
to be a hologram!
429
00:18:52,999 --> 00:18:55,333
That's 'cause I had to
be one!
430
00:18:59,740 --> 00:19:02,274
Shit! Aaah!
431
00:19:02,276 --> 00:19:05,610
Ugh! Aaah!
432
00:19:11,017 --> 00:19:12,551
There's a lesson here,
433
00:19:12,553 --> 00:19:15,287
and I'm not the one
that's gonna figure it out.
434
00:19:15,289 --> 00:19:17,756
Hey, uh, sorry
I didn't listen to you
435
00:19:17,758 --> 00:19:19,758
and tried to kill
the whole world and stuff.
436
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:21,025
I guess I got to learn
437
00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:22,360
how to live in the moment
a little more.
438
00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:24,629
Oh, boy, so, you actually
learned something today?
439
00:19:24,631 --> 00:19:26,030
What is this,
"Full House"?
440
00:19:26,032 --> 00:19:27,432
I was living in the moment
all day,
441
00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:29,234
and it kept getting me
killed by Nazis.
442
00:19:29,236 --> 00:19:31,436
I think you have to think ahead
and live in the moment.
443
00:19:31,438 --> 00:19:33,638
Morty, we saw you on the news.
Are you okay?
444
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:36,909
Oh, real nice, Rick.
Turning our son into an Akira?
445
00:19:36,911 --> 00:19:38,911
Real nice.
- Eat my , Jerry.
446
00:19:38,913 --> 00:19:40,379
He turned himself
into Akira.
447
00:19:40,381 --> 00:19:43,181
Oh, I'll eat it,
because this is my house, Rick.
448
00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:44,849
I'll eat any I want.
- Gross.
449
00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:46,851
You said the crystals wouldn't
hurt anyone, Dad.
450
00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:48,320
This family has
a clean start.
451
00:19:48,322 --> 00:19:50,722
I don't know if adventures
fit into my son's life.
452
00:19:50,724 --> 00:19:52,524
I'm fine.
Get off Rick's back.
453
00:19:52,526 --> 00:19:55,260
Rick wasn't even here
when I was doing all that stuff.
454
00:19:55,262 --> 00:19:56,661
That was all on me.
455
00:19:56,663 --> 00:19:58,330
Well, alright, Morty.
456
00:19:58,332 --> 00:20:01,533
I guess, as long as you're okay,
that's all we care about.
457
00:20:01,535 --> 00:20:03,936
I don't want to see
any more anime stuff
458
00:20:03,938 --> 00:20:05,604
happening to my son,
buster.
459
00:20:05,606 --> 00:20:07,406
That finger has AIDs now.
Not my fault.
460
00:20:07,408 --> 00:20:09,141
You skipped HIV?
461
00:20:09,143 --> 00:20:11,276
- He's messing with you, sweetie.
- But it's tingling!
462
00:20:11,278 --> 00:20:13,612
So, I guess what we learned
is to split the diff.
463
00:20:13,614 --> 00:20:16,281
From now on, Rick and Morty doing a
little of this and a little of that.
464
00:20:16,283 --> 00:20:18,016
Yeah, sometimes
we'll do classic stuff.
465
00:20:18,018 --> 00:20:19,217
You know, other times,
we'll do whatever!
466
00:20:19,219 --> 00:20:20,552
Sometimes we won't even
do anything!
467
00:20:20,554 --> 00:20:22,087
Rick and Morty do...
not doing anything!
468
00:20:22,089 --> 00:20:23,422
A hundred years!
Pushing it to the limit.
469
00:20:23,424 --> 00:20:24,957
Rick and Morty,
not sticking to one path.
470
00:20:24,959 --> 00:20:26,224
Trying different things,
471
00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:28,093
Making sure to keep out
of a rut.
472
00:20:28,095 --> 00:20:29,628
Doing stuff.
Sometimes not doing stuff.
473
00:20:29,630 --> 00:20:31,430
Not even pushing a little bit
towards the limit.
474
00:20:31,432 --> 00:20:33,031
Doing it alone or together.
Making sure to keep our eyes
475
00:20:33,033 --> 00:20:34,699
on the prize.
Sometimes just relaxing.
476
00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:36,635
Or not. And you can do whatever
the you want, Morty.
477
00:20:36,637 --> 00:20:38,637
- That's the end.
- Wait, wait, what the?
478
00:20:38,639 --> 00:20:40,839
H-Hold on. What the
did you just say?
479
00:20:40,841 --> 00:20:42,240
Nothing.
I didn't say anything.
480
00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:44,042
I was just playing along
with you guys.
481
00:20:44,044 --> 00:20:45,644
You know I record everything,
right?
482
00:20:45,646 --> 00:20:48,513
Garage, isolate Summer's voice
and play back.
483
00:20:48,515 --> 00:20:50,048
Oh, and then you guys
can get married,
484
00:20:50,050 --> 00:20:51,583
and, like,
each other off
485
00:20:51,585 --> 00:20:53,251
in a testosterone-addled
third-grade-boy.
486
00:20:53,253 --> 00:20:55,119
What, the hell, Summer?!
That's disgusting.
487
00:20:55,121 --> 00:20:56,921
Gross, Summer!
Jesus Christ!
488
00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:58,857
I was just joking around,
you...
489
00:20:58,859 --> 00:21:01,459
just seeing if you guys
pay any attention to me.
490
00:21:01,461 --> 00:21:02,861
Just want to be
a part of the fun.
491
00:21:02,863 --> 00:21:03,862
Get the
out of here!
492
00:21:03,864 --> 00:21:05,130
Get out of here, Summer!
493
00:21:05,132 --> 00:21:06,264
disgusting!
- Get out of here!
494
00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:07,866
You ruined
the Season 4 premiere!
495
00:21:07,868 --> 00:21:10,669
The Season 4 premiere,
you ruined it!
496
00:21:41,836 --> 00:21:43,435
God,
tomorrow's career day.
497
00:21:43,437 --> 00:21:46,038
I don't want to think about what
I do when I get out of school.
498
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:48,240
I know exactly
what I want to do.
499
00:21:48,242 --> 00:21:49,842
I want to work
in hospice.
500
00:21:49,844 --> 00:21:52,310
I want to comfort
the people who are dying,
501
00:21:52,312 --> 00:21:54,646
who have no one else
in their lives...
502
00:21:54,648 --> 00:21:56,314
the real lonely people.
503
00:21:56,316 --> 00:21:58,717
I'm gonna look at their name
tags, and I'm gonna say,
504
00:21:58,719 --> 00:22:00,452
"I love you,"
505
00:22:00,454 --> 00:22:02,721
followed by whatever it says
on their name tag,
506
00:22:02,723 --> 00:22:04,723
over and over.
507
00:22:04,725 --> 00:22:06,191
What the?
508
00:22:07,661 --> 00:22:08,727
Hey, Morty, quick favor.
509
00:22:08,729 --> 00:22:10,328
What, cover me
in gasoline and spiders?
510
00:22:10,330 --> 00:22:11,730
Fine, yeah, I'm in.
511
00:22:11,732 --> 00:22:13,131
Wasn't my first pitch,
512
00:22:13,133 --> 00:22:16,268
but, hey, not gonna waste
this opportunity.
513
00:22:23,143 --> 00:22:24,676
Did you get any of that?
35475
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