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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,720 --> 00:00:02,770 Morty's on Jessica's Instagram again. 2 00:00:02,780 --> 00:00:03,990 Get out of here, jerk! 3 00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:05,370 What's so embarrassing, Morty? 4 00:00:05,380 --> 00:00:07,290 Sharing it with your family might help. 5 00:00:07,300 --> 00:00:08,810 Summer, stop shaming your brother. 6 00:00:08,820 --> 00:00:11,030 Morty, stop being a creepy, perverted cyberstalker. 7 00:00:11,040 --> 00:00:12,590 I'm not cyberstalking! 8 00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:15,620 I-I-I just wanted to know where she got this necklace from. 9 00:00:15,630 --> 00:00:16,820 And now I know. 10 00:00:16,830 --> 00:00:19,139 Her... Her... Her grandma left it to her. 11 00:00:19,140 --> 00:00:20,149 You're quiet, Rick. 12 00:00:20,150 --> 00:00:22,630 Shouldn't you be revealing grandmas aren't real? 13 00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:25,550 Hi. I've placed an auto-response chip in my brain 14 00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:27,690 so I can spend time with my family. 15 00:00:27,700 --> 00:00:30,090 But you are spending time with your family. 16 00:00:30,100 --> 00:00:31,950 Thank you for talking to Rick. 17 00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:33,810 Alright, I'm finished with my breakfast 18 00:00:33,820 --> 00:00:35,730 and my Amazon wish list. Let's go, Morty. 19 00:00:35,740 --> 00:00:38,030 I need death crystals from Forbodulon Prime. 20 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:39,250 Uh... 21 00:00:39,260 --> 00:00:41,370 Dad? There's a way we do this now. 22 00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:46,090 Morty, would you please accompany me 23 00:00:46,100 --> 00:00:48,890 to Forbodulon Prime for death crystals? 24 00:00:48,900 --> 00:00:53,120 Well, thank you for asking. Yes, I will do that. 25 00:00:53,130 --> 00:00:55,530 It is a hot photo. 26 00:00:55,540 --> 00:00:58,160 I think grief flushes your cheeks. 27 00:00:58,170 --> 00:01:00,010 Dad, you hardly put any syrup on. 28 00:01:00,020 --> 00:01:01,670 Honey, stop raising your father's cholesterol 29 00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:03,230 so you can take a hot funeral selfie. 30 00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:04,979 I never get to do anything. 31 00:01:32,580 --> 00:01:36,790 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 32 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:40,030 Uh, Rick, maybe if we go a little... 33 00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:41,310 Faster? Good idea, Morty. 34 00:01:41,320 --> 00:01:43,599 It'll get us through these asteroids sooner. 35 00:01:50,700 --> 00:01:53,370 Geez, you're really this pissed about my mom making sure 36 00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:54,690 I'm okay with our adventures? 37 00:01:54,700 --> 00:01:56,510 What's next, Morty? What if I want you to jump off 38 00:01:56,520 --> 00:01:57,520 the Empire State Building? 39 00:01:57,530 --> 00:01:58,740 - I have to ask? - Yes? 40 00:01:58,750 --> 00:02:01,329 And you seriously don't see how that's a slippery slope? 41 00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:03,579 Just shut up and help me with these, please. 42 00:02:03,580 --> 00:02:05,350 Why are they called death crystals? 43 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:06,440 D-Do they kill you? 44 00:02:06,450 --> 00:02:07,540 You're thinking of bullets, Morty. 45 00:02:07,550 --> 00:02:10,080 Death crystals show you how you're gonna die. 46 00:02:14,180 --> 00:02:16,830 Jesus Christ! I-I die a million times? 47 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:18,930 Your future stems from your present, 48 00:02:18,940 --> 00:02:21,050 which, if you're living right, keeps changing. 49 00:02:21,060 --> 00:02:23,519 Truth is, anyone that knows how they're definitely gonna die 50 00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:24,679 is either boring as hell 51 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:25,719 or about to get shot. 52 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:27,650 Duck! 53 00:02:27,660 --> 00:02:28,689 Who are those guys?! 54 00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:30,220 Crystal poachers. 55 00:02:30,230 --> 00:02:31,830 There's no lower form of life. 56 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:34,270 They think the galaxy's their own personal piggy bank. 57 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:35,870 Wait, then what are we? 58 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:37,370 We're Rick and Morty. 59 00:02:37,380 --> 00:02:40,190 You're about to witness the only real use for these crystals. 60 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:42,070 They show you when the other guy's reloading. 61 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:45,530 Certain death, certain death, certain death, uncertain death. 62 00:02:49,250 --> 00:02:51,360 And certain death, certain death, certain death. 63 00:02:51,370 --> 00:02:53,270 Definitely gonna get shot by this guy; 64 00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:55,570 this is totally my fate; nothing I could possibly do; 65 00:02:55,580 --> 00:02:57,950 okay, now, not so much. 66 00:02:57,960 --> 00:02:59,630 Help me gather these up. 67 00:03:05,650 --> 00:03:08,640 - You just use these to win fights? - I don't use them. 68 00:03:08,650 --> 00:03:11,120 People that spend their life avoiding death are already dead. 69 00:03:11,130 --> 00:03:14,360 They're also rich, and I like to spend my life with their money. 70 00:03:14,370 --> 00:03:15,700 - Oh, my God. - Morty! 71 00:03:15,710 --> 00:03:16,780 Jessica! 72 00:03:16,790 --> 00:03:18,280 Oh! 73 00:03:18,290 --> 00:03:19,500 I love you. 74 00:03:19,510 --> 00:03:21,150 Oh! Whoa! Whoa! 75 00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:23,800 - Morty. - Oh! Oh! Oh! 76 00:03:23,810 --> 00:03:24,910 I love you. 77 00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:27,670 Jessica. I want to die with Jessica. 78 00:03:35,910 --> 00:03:37,380 - Ahh! - What are you doing? 79 00:03:37,390 --> 00:03:39,900 - Oh, um, c-can I drive? - Why? 80 00:03:39,910 --> 00:03:42,250 The... feel of the open road? 81 00:03:42,260 --> 00:03:44,360 Alright! Who's this grandson? 82 00:03:44,370 --> 00:03:46,840 I like his style. 83 00:03:46,850 --> 00:03:48,939 Morty, you know outer space is up, right? 84 00:03:48,940 --> 00:03:52,680 Yeah, yeah. I'm just, uh, following... my... instincts. 85 00:03:52,690 --> 00:03:54,440 - Will you just go up? - Stop! 86 00:03:54,450 --> 00:03:56,400 - You're gonna make me die wrong! - Wait a minute, what? 87 00:03:56,410 --> 00:03:57,609 Morty, do you have a death crystal 88 00:03:57,610 --> 00:03:58,829 - in your pocket? - No! Maybe! 89 00:03:58,830 --> 00:04:00,840 You little monster! I thought you were masturbating! 90 00:04:00,850 --> 00:04:01,999 And you took that in stride?! 91 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:03,169 You'd rather I address it?! 92 00:04:03,170 --> 00:04:04,170 Why would I be doing it?! 93 00:04:04,180 --> 00:04:05,320 Why would you steal a death crystal?! 94 00:04:05,330 --> 00:04:07,340 - I want to die old! - Then stop driving! 95 00:04:07,350 --> 00:04:08,460 - No! - You son of a bitch! 96 00:04:08,470 --> 00:04:09,700 Give me the wheel, Morty. 97 00:04:09,710 --> 00:04:11,520 - No. - Goddamn it. 98 00:04:20,730 --> 00:04:22,470 Ohhh, shit. 99 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:25,000 Oh, , oh, , oh, , oh,. 100 00:04:25,010 --> 00:04:27,500 I love you, Morty. 101 00:04:27,510 --> 00:04:30,789 I will avenge my death. 102 00:04:30,790 --> 00:04:32,149 - Holy! - Just kidding. 103 00:04:32,150 --> 00:04:34,420 I'm a crisis detection and correction hologram 104 00:04:34,430 --> 00:04:37,920 generated by a chip that "real" Rick put in your spine. 105 00:04:37,930 --> 00:04:40,620 "Real" in quotes because calling density-privileged entities 106 00:04:40,630 --> 00:04:42,380 "real" is incredibly holo-phobic. 107 00:04:42,390 --> 00:04:44,880 Morty, do me a solid... problematic wordplay aside... 108 00:04:44,890 --> 00:04:46,660 grab the gun with the blue handle from the trunk 109 00:04:46,670 --> 00:04:48,840 and get a tissue sample from the corpse. 110 00:04:51,590 --> 00:04:53,280 Alright, now take that to the trunk 111 00:04:53,290 --> 00:04:55,530 and insert it into the clone compiler. 112 00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:59,200 I see you appear to be holding a death crystal 113 00:04:59,210 --> 00:05:01,660 that's guiding your decisions more than I am. 114 00:05:01,670 --> 00:05:02,680 That's your right. 115 00:05:02,690 --> 00:05:05,630 I just want to remind you that some people can't hold anything 116 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:08,720 and can never die, so that's a little offensive to... 117 00:05:08,730 --> 00:05:11,010 Oh, okay. 118 00:05:12,010 --> 00:05:14,630 Listen, I'm programmed for tolerance, Morty. 119 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:16,460 So I'm willing to accept that you're doing this 120 00:05:16,470 --> 00:05:18,700 if you're willing to accept that you need to stop. 121 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,950 Accepting. Rerouted. 122 00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:27,300 Backup. Data. Operation. 123 00:05:27,310 --> 00:05:29,530 Phoenix. Initiated. 124 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:33,790 What the hell? I axed this protocol. 125 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:37,020 What are you doing with my clone? 126 00:05:37,030 --> 00:05:38,240 It's okay. I'm you. 127 00:05:38,250 --> 00:05:40,840 I took my own clone vat offline a couple seasons ago, 128 00:05:40,850 --> 00:05:43,540 so I think my backup got rerouted to your universe. 129 00:05:43,550 --> 00:05:45,780 - I'm sorry. - All good. Happy to help. 130 00:05:45,790 --> 00:05:48,020 By the way, annoying that I even have to ask, 131 00:05:48,030 --> 00:05:52,060 but you are down with fascist dystopias, right? 132 00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:55,069 _ 133 00:05:55,070 --> 00:05:57,770 YYYYYes. 134 00:05:57,780 --> 00:05:59,380 That "yes" was pretty... 135 00:05:59,390 --> 00:06:01,220 ... liberal with the letter "Y." 136 00:06:01,230 --> 00:06:03,660 Well, isn't this strange. 137 00:06:03,670 --> 00:06:06,149 I trust, the kind of strange that makes Rick and Morty... 138 00:06:06,150 --> 00:06:07,410 ... stronger. 139 00:06:07,420 --> 00:06:09,220 Morty, I caught this socialist in my bathrobe. 140 00:06:09,230 --> 00:06:10,960 He wants to give all of our martinis 141 00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:11,970 to a family of immigrants. 142 00:06:11,980 --> 00:06:13,640 Obviously, the most likely imposter 143 00:06:13,650 --> 00:06:15,940 - is the wet, naked clone. - It is obvious. 144 00:06:15,950 --> 00:06:17,460 But it won't be to the police. 145 00:06:17,470 --> 00:06:18,530 Ohh! 146 00:06:18,540 --> 00:06:19,670 'Kay. 147 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,940 He was an inferior Rick. He was too political. 148 00:06:21,950 --> 00:06:24,340 I want to have fun, classic Rick-and-Morty adventures 149 00:06:24,350 --> 00:06:25,360 like in the old days. 150 00:06:25,370 --> 00:06:27,460 Then we'll get along fine, Fascist Morty. 151 00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:29,740 For starters, I just need to get to Forbodulon Prime... 152 00:06:29,750 --> 00:06:32,080 You will go where I want you to go!! 153 00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:36,320 Hey, hey! Ho, ho! 154 00:06:36,330 --> 00:06:38,380 Not cloning your grandpa has got to go! 155 00:06:38,390 --> 00:06:40,120 Hey, hey! Ho, ho! 156 00:06:40,130 --> 00:06:42,120 Not cloning your grandpa has got to go! 157 00:06:42,130 --> 00:06:44,480 You don't get out of my face, I'm gonna flush Rick's DNA. 158 00:06:44,490 --> 00:06:47,460 Alright. Okay, regroup, everybody. 159 00:06:47,470 --> 00:06:48,930 You, too, Berkeley! 160 00:06:48,940 --> 00:06:50,240 Snap out of it. 161 00:06:50,250 --> 00:06:51,780 At least tell me what this death is 162 00:06:51,790 --> 00:06:53,580 that you're so determined to... 163 00:06:53,590 --> 00:06:55,590 Oh. Jessica. 164 00:06:58,010 --> 00:07:00,539 Morty, I love... 165 00:07:00,540 --> 00:07:04,550 What?! No, no! No, no, no! 166 00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:06,710 I love you. 167 00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:08,610 Damn it! How am I gonna die with her 168 00:07:08,620 --> 00:07:09,760 if I can't even talk to her? 169 00:07:09,770 --> 00:07:11,630 Here's an idea, Morty. Throw that thing in the garbage, 170 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,730 stop planning your own death, and talk to whoever you want. 171 00:07:13,740 --> 00:07:15,080 Now you just sound like Real Rick. 172 00:07:15,090 --> 00:07:16,520 You're better than that language, Morty. 173 00:07:16,530 --> 00:07:18,490 I ain't better than shit, Jack. 174 00:07:21,830 --> 00:07:23,260 So, uh, w-what are we doing? 175 00:07:23,270 --> 00:07:26,080 Stop asking questions. Stop doing meta-commentary. 176 00:07:26,090 --> 00:07:27,240 Just have fun. 177 00:07:27,250 --> 00:07:29,630 We're going on a simple, fun, classic adventure. 178 00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:30,959 Okay, you know what? It would really help 179 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:34,039 if you could just say anything other than what you don't want. 180 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:36,080 I like Mr. Meeseeks. 181 00:07:36,090 --> 00:07:37,830 Okay, now we're talking. You know what? 182 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:39,930 I usually keep a Meeseeks box in my glove compartment, 183 00:07:39,940 --> 00:07:41,870 so maybe Fascist Rick does, too. 184 00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:43,170 Ah! 185 00:07:43,180 --> 00:07:44,200 Well, look at that. 186 00:07:44,210 --> 00:07:46,750 Now we're doing something we've done before. 187 00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:48,100 I'm Mr. Meeseeks! 188 00:07:48,110 --> 00:07:49,550 Kill this Nazi prick! 189 00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:50,930 Can do! 190 00:07:50,940 --> 00:07:53,559 - Come here, you son of a bitch! - No! Stop! 191 00:08:01,390 --> 00:08:03,060 Accepting. Rerouted. 192 00:08:03,070 --> 00:08:05,400 Backup. Data. Operation. 193 00:08:05,410 --> 00:08:08,030 Phoenix. Initiated. 194 00:08:09,110 --> 00:08:11,040 Aw, come on, man. 195 00:08:12,620 --> 00:08:13,640 Whoa, are you okay? 196 00:08:13,650 --> 00:08:14,730 Yeah, sorry. 197 00:08:14,740 --> 00:08:16,100 I'm a Rick from another reality. 198 00:08:16,110 --> 00:08:18,150 I-I got uploaded to your clone vat. 199 00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:20,080 Hey, don't worry about it, man. I have a dozen. 200 00:08:20,090 --> 00:08:21,720 W-W-What the heck, Rick? 201 00:08:21,730 --> 00:08:23,380 Are you making clones down here? 202 00:08:23,390 --> 00:08:25,560 - Get outta here, Morty! - Stop asking stupid questions, Morty! 203 00:08:25,570 --> 00:08:26,929 You sound like a piece of. 204 00:08:26,930 --> 00:08:28,360 Aw, geez. 205 00:08:28,370 --> 00:08:30,180 So, tell the truth, man. No shame. 206 00:08:30,190 --> 00:08:32,420 You're looking at your shrimp body like "What?!" 207 00:08:32,430 --> 00:08:34,360 Ah, is it that obvious? I'm sorry. 208 00:08:34,370 --> 00:08:37,689 Yeah, my original body is more bipedal... uh, ape-descended. 209 00:08:37,690 --> 00:08:38,690 Really! Weird. 210 00:08:38,700 --> 00:08:40,120 Does your house look like a tree, or... 211 00:08:40,130 --> 00:08:41,420 No, it looks like this. 212 00:08:41,430 --> 00:08:43,750 It's, like, identical to this, actually. 213 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:44,780 That is such a mind. 214 00:08:44,790 --> 00:08:46,529 It's all good, man. I'm fine with it. 215 00:08:46,530 --> 00:08:48,180 Honestly, you're doing me a huge favor 216 00:08:48,190 --> 00:08:50,410 by being shrimp instead of fascists. 217 00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:52,990 What? 218 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,340 Goddamn it! 219 00:08:54,350 --> 00:08:56,910 When did this shit become the default?! 220 00:08:59,510 --> 00:09:01,000 Who wants to come up to the board 221 00:09:01,010 --> 00:09:02,750 and show me some basic-ass integers? 222 00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:04,460 - I love you, Morty. - Aah! 223 00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:07,430 Morty? Yeah, right. 224 00:09:12,650 --> 00:09:14,580 That's not an integer! 225 00:09:14,590 --> 00:09:16,090 Apparently, it doesn't matter. 226 00:09:16,100 --> 00:09:17,590 Damn, Morty, you're bad at math, 227 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,600 but I'm giving you an A-plus in confidence. 228 00:09:19,610 --> 00:09:20,960 Just doin' what I gotta do. 229 00:09:20,970 --> 00:09:22,430 Extra credit! 230 00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:28,020 I love you, Morty. I love you, Morty. 231 00:09:28,030 --> 00:09:30,020 What's with the strut? You think you own this school? 232 00:09:30,030 --> 00:09:31,480 - Nope! - What if I killed you? 233 00:09:31,490 --> 00:09:33,080 Would you be strutting then? 234 00:09:33,090 --> 00:09:35,860 Only if the events of the Pixar movie "Coco" are to be believed, 235 00:09:35,870 --> 00:09:36,960 which I doubt. 236 00:09:36,970 --> 00:09:38,380 I have it on good authority 237 00:09:38,390 --> 00:09:40,040 that you're probably not gonna kill me. 238 00:09:40,050 --> 00:09:41,660 So why don't you do what I do 239 00:09:41,670 --> 00:09:43,320 and just go with the flow, 240 00:09:43,330 --> 00:09:44,840 nice and Zen, baby. 241 00:09:46,390 --> 00:09:50,239 Aah! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! 242 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:51,969 Ugh! Impotence! 243 00:09:51,970 --> 00:09:56,720 Aah! Impotent rage! 244 00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:59,160 Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! 245 00:09:59,170 --> 00:10:02,310 You die tomorrow, no matter what. 246 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:06,440 It's what bullies call a "fait accompli." 247 00:10:06,450 --> 00:10:08,860 - Oh, man! Oh,! - Well, well, well. Mm. 248 00:10:08,870 --> 00:10:11,720 Looks like you got yourself in a lick of trouble, huh, Morty? 249 00:10:11,730 --> 00:10:13,720 Okay, okay, look, if you help me not die, 250 00:10:13,730 --> 00:10:15,220 I'll bring Rick back to life. 251 00:10:15,230 --> 00:10:17,220 Why are you pretending to eat chicken? 252 00:10:17,230 --> 00:10:18,340 Excuse me? 253 00:10:18,350 --> 00:10:20,120 This chicken is quite real to me. 254 00:10:20,130 --> 00:10:21,860 - Yeah, okay, but it doesn't have... - Nutrients? 255 00:10:21,870 --> 00:10:23,419 - Yeah. - What's the last thing you ate? 256 00:10:23,420 --> 00:10:26,150 - Baloney and an orange. - So, no holographic foods? 257 00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:27,750 So, to me, you never ate? 258 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:29,380 Or we could try respecting each other. 259 00:10:29,390 --> 00:10:31,500 Will you just show me how to stay alive? 260 00:10:31,510 --> 00:10:32,960 Alright, Morty, a deal's a deal. 261 00:10:32,970 --> 00:10:34,880 Once we bring your Rick back to life, 262 00:10:34,890 --> 00:10:36,500 then I'll help you with the bully. 263 00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:38,780 Go ahead and open the hatch to the subterranean lab. 264 00:10:38,790 --> 00:10:40,680 That's where all the cloning equipment is. 265 00:10:42,030 --> 00:10:44,580 Please tell me you're not hitting that crystal again. 266 00:10:44,590 --> 00:10:48,220 Look, Rick might be the epitome of bloated flesh privilege, 267 00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:49,930 but he's right about one thing. 268 00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:52,199 You're gonna be a lot happier if you focus on the moment, 269 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:53,760 rather than on how you're gonna die. 270 00:10:53,770 --> 00:10:55,520 I mean, w-who's worried about that, huh? 271 00:10:55,530 --> 00:10:56,840 Sorry, Hologram Rick. 272 00:10:56,850 --> 00:10:59,340 I'm going with the crystal on this one. 273 00:10:59,350 --> 00:11:01,150 Morty. 274 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,830 Oh, alright, okay. 275 00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:05,060 Just because I can't interact with solid matter 276 00:11:05,070 --> 00:11:06,960 means you can just walk all over me? 277 00:11:08,890 --> 00:11:10,540 Dear God. 278 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:17,550 Bist du faschistisch? 279 00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:20,130 Nope. 280 00:11:21,610 --> 00:11:22,670 Finally. 281 00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:24,779 I thought maybe you were pussying out. 282 00:11:24,780 --> 00:11:26,090 Hyah! 283 00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:27,110 What the? 284 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:28,129 Oh, the air's getting thin! 285 00:11:28,130 --> 00:11:31,660 Well, well, well, looks like there's a new bully in town! 286 00:11:31,670 --> 00:11:33,680 Lucky for us, he just made bully-bullying 287 00:11:33,690 --> 00:11:35,500 the new bullying! Bully him! 288 00:11:38,070 --> 00:11:40,160 Aah! 289 00:11:40,170 --> 00:11:41,850 We've got an Akira-type situation 290 00:11:41,860 --> 00:11:43,620 going on behind the mall. Over. 291 00:11:44,980 --> 00:11:46,440 Dying with Jessica... 292 00:11:47,030 --> 00:11:49,040 Hey! 293 00:11:49,050 --> 00:11:51,420 What the hell? 294 00:11:51,430 --> 00:11:53,699 Aah! Aah! 295 00:11:57,070 --> 00:11:59,690 I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me! 296 00:11:59,700 --> 00:12:00,999 Shield me from the law! 297 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,910 - Yes, sir! Can do! - Stand down! 298 00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:05,579 Look at me! 299 00:12:20,140 --> 00:12:23,020 I... will... die... old! 300 00:12:23,030 --> 00:12:25,310 Up next, an unstoppable science-fiction boy 301 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:27,760 is attacking our nation's final line of defense. 302 00:12:27,770 --> 00:12:29,660 Will we all fall to his deadly touch? 303 00:12:29,670 --> 00:12:31,420 But first, something silly? 304 00:12:31,430 --> 00:12:32,720 What do you mean, "but first"? 305 00:12:32,730 --> 00:12:35,130 I already said "up next." You always do this. 306 00:12:35,140 --> 00:12:37,340 I don't always do shit. Don't gaslight me. 307 00:12:37,350 --> 00:12:38,560 Gaslighting doesn't exist. 308 00:12:38,570 --> 00:12:40,579 You made it up 'cause you're crazy. 309 00:12:58,490 --> 00:13:00,360 Why are you letting me do this? 310 00:13:00,370 --> 00:13:03,420 I do as the crystal guides. 311 00:13:04,810 --> 00:13:07,320 Your Honor, my client was acting in self-defense. 312 00:13:07,330 --> 00:13:09,560 He turned 13 men into piles of ash. 313 00:13:09,570 --> 00:13:12,020 Sit down! Before I sentence you, 314 00:13:12,030 --> 00:13:14,399 is there anything you have to say for yourself? 315 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:21,860 I... w-w-will a-al-sways... 316 00:13:21,870 --> 00:13:29,540 always r-r-remember o-our... 317 00:13:29,550 --> 00:13:35,160 our... our... v-v-t-time... time... 318 00:13:35,170 --> 00:13:40,340 i-in... f-g-g-g-P-P-Peru. 319 00:13:40,350 --> 00:13:43,080 I will always remember our time in Peru, Your Honor. 320 00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:44,340 Your Honor, 321 00:13:44,350 --> 00:13:47,349 as you can see, my client is speaking nonsense. 322 00:13:47,350 --> 00:13:48,519 Stop. 323 00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:51,430 Those were my husband's last words. 324 00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:55,280 He says that he... l-loves you... 325 00:13:55,290 --> 00:14:00,190 ttt-llll-lit-lit-little... little 326 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:06,560 ff-gg-sp-spa-ffggarrow... 327 00:14:06,570 --> 00:14:07,590 sparrow! 328 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:09,190 He loves you, little sparrow. 329 00:14:10,770 --> 00:14:13,100 He's innocent. Case dismissed. 330 00:14:13,110 --> 00:14:15,660 I'm coming for you, Condor! 331 00:14:15,670 --> 00:14:19,120 Well, I, for one, will not be accepting this verdict. 332 00:14:19,130 --> 00:14:22,040 And this little monster may think he's gotten away, 333 00:14:22,050 --> 00:14:24,390 but there is something called the court of public opinion 334 00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:26,370 that still has final say in this country. 335 00:14:26,380 --> 00:14:28,160 Oh, I guess he's coming out of the courthouse now. 336 00:14:28,170 --> 00:14:29,179 Let's go live to that. 337 00:14:43,370 --> 00:14:45,620 People, I gotta tell you something. 338 00:14:45,630 --> 00:14:46,670 That little boy... 339 00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:49,000 I thought I knew everything about everything. 340 00:14:49,010 --> 00:14:52,060 But something about the tones and frequencies 341 00:14:52,070 --> 00:14:54,180 that just came out of his mouth have made me... 342 00:14:54,190 --> 00:14:56,690 I mean, I think we're just about ready to forgive him 343 00:14:56,700 --> 00:14:59,340 and move past this whole thing. He's a free young man. 344 00:14:59,350 --> 00:15:02,430 And as far as continuity goes, the reset button's been hit. 345 00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:05,940 Morty! That was a fast trial. 346 00:15:05,950 --> 00:15:08,590 Jess-i-ca? 347 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:10,720 A bunch of us girls were gonna go skinny-dipping later, 348 00:15:10,730 --> 00:15:11,740 if you wanted to join. 349 00:15:11,750 --> 00:15:14,480 Actually, now, really. We're gonna do it right now. 350 00:15:14,490 --> 00:15:16,280 This is the last conversation I'm having about it 351 00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:17,569 fully clothed. 352 00:15:17,570 --> 00:15:18,720 No, thanks. 353 00:15:18,730 --> 00:15:22,099 I'm... assuming... we... maybe... 354 00:15:22,100 --> 00:15:25,060 get together... in our 40s? 355 00:15:25,070 --> 00:15:26,960 Uh, cool. 356 00:15:26,970 --> 00:15:29,100 Sounds... hot. 357 00:15:29,110 --> 00:15:30,110 Bye. 358 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:33,150 Must... continue... moving... 359 00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:38,070 in ways... that lead... to dying... with you. 360 00:15:41,850 --> 00:15:43,400 Whoa! Way to use up a clone! 361 00:15:43,410 --> 00:15:45,450 What the , man? 362 00:15:45,460 --> 00:15:47,160 What's the matter with you? Y-Y-You don't talk? 363 00:15:47,170 --> 00:15:48,719 Tarantula got your tongue? 364 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:52,900 Uh... Heil, Wasp Hitler? 365 00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:54,210 What? What the? 366 00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:55,729 Where's that coming from? 367 00:15:55,730 --> 00:15:58,160 Look, I'm a primate. I-I'm having a hard time. 368 00:15:58,170 --> 00:15:59,979 I'll think or say whatever gets me home. 369 00:15:59,980 --> 00:16:02,120 Well, here's how it works with wasps. 370 00:16:02,130 --> 00:16:04,020 We eat our prey alive, and when we don't, 371 00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:05,690 we lay our eggs in their eyeballs 372 00:16:05,700 --> 00:16:07,440 so that our young can feast on their brains 373 00:16:07,450 --> 00:16:08,700 when they hatch. 374 00:16:08,710 --> 00:16:10,409 When you're born that big an asshole, 375 00:16:10,410 --> 00:16:12,499 the least you can do is have a little empathy. 376 00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:15,820 Now, come have dinner with my beautiful family. 377 00:16:15,830 --> 00:16:17,129 And drop the Hitler stuff. 378 00:16:17,130 --> 00:16:19,750 Wasp Morty's been on some crazy message boards. 379 00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:22,580 Aah! Aah! Oh! 380 00:16:22,590 --> 00:16:23,899 Aah! Ow! 381 00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:25,160 Me and my friends want to fly around 382 00:16:25,170 --> 00:16:26,690 and look for something to sting tonight. 383 00:16:26,700 --> 00:16:28,550 You be careful not to waste all your venom. 384 00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:30,310 I'm not a bee, Dad. 385 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:33,840 Oh, God! Kill me! Please kill me! 386 00:16:33,850 --> 00:16:36,740 Uh, Beth, uh, after dinner, could I maybe borrow Morty 387 00:16:36,750 --> 00:16:40,100 to help the lost Rick get back to his primate-based reality? 388 00:16:40,110 --> 00:16:41,810 Morty, are you done with your homework? 389 00:16:41,820 --> 00:16:44,270 - Not all of it. - Sorry, Dad. 390 00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:46,810 Oh, don't be sorry, sweetie. We're all in this together. 391 00:16:46,820 --> 00:16:49,050 We're wasps, not monsters. 392 00:16:49,060 --> 00:16:50,060 Aah! 393 00:16:50,070 --> 00:16:52,659 Huh, guess I don't have it as bad as I thought. 394 00:16:52,660 --> 00:16:54,100 Can you pass the acid? 395 00:16:54,110 --> 00:16:57,620 Aah! No! Run! Run, my babies! 396 00:16:57,630 --> 00:16:59,330 Bonus! 397 00:17:02,380 --> 00:17:04,700 Morty? Morty? 398 00:17:04,710 --> 00:17:06,320 Where is that little ? Morty! 399 00:17:06,330 --> 00:17:07,560 Whoa, garage foul. 400 00:17:07,570 --> 00:17:09,220 Who said you could go through my stuff? 401 00:17:09,230 --> 00:17:10,969 W-Where's my Boglin? There you are. 402 00:17:10,970 --> 00:17:12,900 Don't worry, Pop-pop's back. 403 00:17:12,910 --> 00:17:14,560 I'll keep you safe. What the... 404 00:17:14,570 --> 00:17:16,460 He took my Meeseeks boxes! 405 00:17:16,470 --> 00:17:19,840 All that's left are these Kirkland brand Meeseeks boxes. 406 00:17:21,070 --> 00:17:22,380 What do you want? 407 00:17:22,390 --> 00:17:24,860 Damn, your Morty sucks. 408 00:17:24,870 --> 00:17:26,960 Aah, wasps! Why the hell didn't you show Morty 409 00:17:26,970 --> 00:17:28,520 how to bring my body back to life? 410 00:17:28,530 --> 00:17:29,820 Don't tell me you gained sentience 411 00:17:29,830 --> 00:17:31,300 - and tried to take over. - What? 412 00:17:31,310 --> 00:17:33,120 That is some A.I., racist, accusatory, 413 00:17:33,130 --> 00:17:34,999 Isaac Asimov bull right there. 414 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:36,670 Then what happened? Where's my body? 415 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:38,750 Oh, you're gonna love this. 416 00:18:04,120 --> 00:18:08,030 - I love you, Morty. - This is my life. 417 00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:09,579 This is good. 418 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:14,290 What do ya know? 419 00:18:14,300 --> 00:18:15,630 Our little Morty knows how to scream. 420 00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:17,460 Oh, you're now! I told you! 421 00:18:17,470 --> 00:18:18,970 Get him, Rick! 422 00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:27,720 Aaaah! 423 00:18:29,270 --> 00:18:31,220 Aah! I-I can't see my own death. 424 00:18:31,230 --> 00:18:32,490 H-How am I gonna die?! 425 00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:34,260 Shh, quiet, idiot. Quiet. 426 00:18:34,270 --> 00:18:35,450 It's gonna be alright. 427 00:18:35,460 --> 00:18:37,220 You don't get to know how you're gonna die. 428 00:18:37,230 --> 00:18:39,620 It's over. Oh, hey. 429 00:18:39,630 --> 00:18:42,069 This ferrofluid's wrapping around my legs. 430 00:18:42,070 --> 00:18:45,780 I can feel! I have mass! 431 00:18:45,790 --> 00:18:48,610 I'm a god now! You're! 432 00:18:48,620 --> 00:18:49,630 What the? 433 00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:51,709 I-I thought you were proud to be a hologram! 434 00:18:51,710 --> 00:18:53,633 That's 'cause I had to be one! 435 00:18:58,400 --> 00:18:59,750 Shit! 436 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:01,120 Aaah! 437 00:19:01,130 --> 00:19:03,970 Ugh! Aaah! 438 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:11,230 There's a lesson here, 439 00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:13,486 and I'm not the one that's gonna figure it out. 440 00:19:13,487 --> 00:19:16,650 Hey, uh, sorry I didn't listen to you 441 00:19:16,660 --> 00:19:18,700 and tried to kill the whole world and stuff. 442 00:19:18,710 --> 00:19:20,690 I guess I got to learn how to live in the moment a little more. 443 00:19:20,700 --> 00:19:23,380 Oh, boy, so, you actually learned something today? 444 00:19:23,390 --> 00:19:24,670 What is this, "Full House"? 445 00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:26,110 I was living in the moment all day, 446 00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:27,790 and it kept getting me killed by Nazis. 447 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,199 I think you have to think ahead and live in the moment. 448 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,630 Morty, we saw you on the news. Are you okay? 449 00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:33,860 Oh, real nice, Rick. 450 00:19:33,870 --> 00:19:36,330 Turning our son into an Akira? Real nice. 451 00:19:36,340 --> 00:19:37,830 Eat my , Jerry. 452 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:39,230 He turned himself into Akira. 453 00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:42,070 Oh, I'll eat it, because this is my house, Rick. 454 00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:43,680 - I'll eat any I want. - Gross. 455 00:19:43,690 --> 00:19:45,509 You said the crystals wouldn't hurt anyone, Dad. 456 00:19:45,510 --> 00:19:47,070 This family has a clean start. 457 00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:49,520 I don't know if adventures fit into my son's life. 458 00:19:49,530 --> 00:19:51,830 I'm fine. Get off Rick's back. 459 00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:53,970 Rick wasn't even here when I was doing all that stuff. 460 00:19:53,980 --> 00:19:55,390 That was all on me. 461 00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:57,120 Well, alright, Morty. 462 00:19:57,130 --> 00:20:00,439 I guess, as long as you're okay, that's all we care about. 463 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,850 I don't want to see any more anime stuff 464 00:20:02,860 --> 00:20:04,810 happening to my son, buster. 465 00:20:04,820 --> 00:20:06,550 That finger has AIDs now. Not my fault. 466 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:07,820 You skipped HIV? 467 00:20:07,830 --> 00:20:08,900 He's messing with you, sweetie. 468 00:20:08,910 --> 00:20:10,130 But it's tingling! 469 00:20:10,140 --> 00:20:12,660 So, I guess what we learned is to split the diff. 470 00:20:12,670 --> 00:20:14,490 From now on, Rick and Morty doing a little of this 471 00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:16,770 - and a little of that. - Yeah, sometimes we'll do classic stuff. 472 00:20:16,780 --> 00:20:18,040 You know, other times, we'll do whatever! 473 00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:19,490 Sometimes we won't even do anything! 474 00:20:19,500 --> 00:20:21,200 Rick and Morty do... not doing anything! 475 00:20:21,210 --> 00:20:22,410 - A hundred years! - Pushing it to the limit. 476 00:20:22,420 --> 00:20:23,940 - Rick and Morty, not sticking to one path. - Rick and Morty, pushing it to the limit. 477 00:20:23,950 --> 00:20:27,120 Trying different things, making sure to keep out of a rut. 478 00:20:27,130 --> 00:20:28,130 Doing stuff. 479 00:20:28,140 --> 00:20:29,770 - Sometimes not doing stuff. - Not even pushing a little bit 480 00:20:29,780 --> 00:20:31,330 - towards the limit. - Doing it alone or together. 481 00:20:31,340 --> 00:20:33,370 Making sure to keep our eyes on the prize. 482 00:20:33,380 --> 00:20:34,570 Or not. And you can do 483 00:20:34,580 --> 00:20:35,970 - whatever the you want, Morty. - Sometimes just relaxing. 484 00:20:35,980 --> 00:20:37,680 - That's the end. - Wait, wait, what the? 485 00:20:37,690 --> 00:20:39,730 H-Hold on. What the did you just say? 486 00:20:39,740 --> 00:20:41,110 Nothing. I didn't say anything. 487 00:20:41,120 --> 00:20:42,710 I was just playing along with you guys. 488 00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:44,690 You know I record everything, right? 489 00:20:44,700 --> 00:20:47,110 Garage, isolate Summer's voice and play back. 490 00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:48,980 Oh, and then you guys can get married, 491 00:20:48,990 --> 00:20:50,230 and, like, each other off 492 00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:52,070 in a testosterone-addled third-grade-boy. 493 00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:53,730 What, the hell, Summer?! That's disgusting. 494 00:20:53,740 --> 00:20:55,490 Gross, Summer! Jesus Christ! 495 00:20:55,500 --> 00:20:57,770 I was just joking around, you... 496 00:20:57,780 --> 00:21:00,510 just seeing if you guys pay any attention to me. 497 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:02,730 - Just want to be a part of the fun. - Get the out of here! 498 00:21:02,740 --> 00:21:03,750 Get out of here, Summer! 499 00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:05,050 - disgusting! - Get out of here! 500 00:21:05,060 --> 00:21:06,910 You ruined the Season 4 premiere! 501 00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:09,310 The Season 4 premiere, you ruined it! 502 00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:14,260 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 503 00:21:40,500 --> 00:21:42,370 God, tomorrow's career day. 504 00:21:42,380 --> 00:21:44,820 I don't want to think about what I do when I get out of school. 505 00:21:44,830 --> 00:21:47,110 I know exactly what I want to do. 506 00:21:47,120 --> 00:21:48,890 I want to work in hospice. 507 00:21:48,900 --> 00:21:51,110 I want to comfort the people who are dying, 508 00:21:51,120 --> 00:21:53,350 who have no one else in their lives... 509 00:21:53,360 --> 00:21:55,160 the real lonely people. 510 00:21:55,170 --> 00:21:57,760 I'm gonna look at their name tags, and I'm gonna say, 511 00:21:57,770 --> 00:21:59,400 "I love you," 512 00:21:59,410 --> 00:22:01,350 followed by whatever it says on their name tag, 513 00:22:01,360 --> 00:22:03,410 over and over. 514 00:22:03,420 --> 00:22:05,240 What the? 515 00:22:06,420 --> 00:22:07,430 Hey, Morty, quick favor. 516 00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:09,070 What, cover me in gasoline and spiders? 517 00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:10,780 Fine, yeah, I'm in. 518 00:22:10,790 --> 00:22:11,970 Wasn't my first pitch, 519 00:22:11,980 --> 00:22:15,320 but, hey, not gonna waste this opportunity. 520 00:22:15,330 --> 00:22:20,330 _ 521 00:22:21,790 --> 00:22:23,430 Did you get any of that? 38219

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