All language subtitles for Rick.And_.Morty_.S04E02.720p.WEBRip.x264-TBS

We're out of syrup.

Huh. You know what?

Maybe I'll use my intern.

- Glootie?
- Good?

- Thanks, Glootie.
- Anything else?

Do you want to develop an app?

- No thanks, Glootie.
- Hey, what's up, Glootie?

Hi, Morty. Do you want
to develop an app?

- No thanks.
- Rick, why does it say,

"Do not develop my app,"
on your intern's forehead?

Why, you want to develop one?

Ah, I'm glad you asked that, Jerry.

It's so you don't develop his app.

Glootie, go make some photocopies

- of something.
- Cool.

Well, if anyone wants to develop
an app with me, I'm down.

He seems to really want
to develop an app.

He really does, sweetie,
but nobody's gonna do that.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I've got a quick solo
adventure to go on,

and this one will not be directed

- by Ron Howard.
- He's gonna go poop.

When Grandpa Rick
pats his belly like that

and leaves without Morty, it
means he's going to go poop.

He's a shy pooper. He has
a secret pooping place.

Man, [BLEEP] you, Summer.

Honey, why can't you get
this excited about your SATs?

Well, I'm man enough to simply
say, "I'm going to poop,"

and I'd be honored to have

- Ron Howard involved.
- Good job, hon.

- Way to go, Dad.
- We're rooting for ya.

He's really putting you to work, huh?

Did you want to develop an app?

- I'll pass, Glootie.
- Hmm, your loss.

Oh, yeah? Why's that?

Eh, it's an app you'd want to develop.

- Can I ask what it is?
- Of course you can.

That's always the first
step in app development.

Ah.

50/50! Final offer!

- Synced & corrected by MementMori -

_

Reverse digestion extrapolation.

Time to meet your maker.

What are you guys doing?

Did you develop an app?

Rule number one in app
development, son...

never follow the rules.

Except when the rule is tattooed
on an alien's forehead, Dad.

Why do you think Rick
would have that rule?

'Cause he's a disrupt-o-phobe.

No, Dad, no.

To keep something
horrible from happening,

something he's too lazy to explain.

Guys, we're getting our first users.

Whoa, this new app just matched me

with a guy that is su my ty.

Super my type. Learn to abbre.

Hey!

Your su ty works at Jersey Mike's

and sees 25 Phish shows a year.

- That is so Danny.
- Summer!

- Danny?
- Summer Smith?

Danny Publits from Lovefinderrz

with two "R's" and a "Z"?

I ran all the way here while
staring at your profile.

I tripped on a fire
hydrant and fell down,

so I'm covered in gravel
that stuck to my sweat.

And even after a shower,

I'll still be into a jam
band for old junkies,

but I think this world
cares too much about bands

and too little about love.

- And I think I love you.
- Me, too.

Hi, I'm my underage daughter's mother.

Nice to... whoa!

Come on. Just met.

Uh, this isn't working.

Wait. What are you...

Never mind.

I quit, I'm gay, and I love Xander.

Stupid phones are destroying us.

Hey, sweetie.

Honey, our daughter ran
off with a Frisbee golfer

because of some app with a really dumb,

really forgettable name.

Like a really dumb, uncreative,
super sweaty name.

- _
- Anyway, I'll be late. I love you.

Got it. I love you, too.

Okay, Glootie, take the app down.

Can't take it down. I'm just an intern.

Uh, that's not how apps work.

Then make it how it works.

This isn't how making things work works.

Get... get it off the server.

Y-You think we're stupid, but we're not.

We know apps have something
to do with servers.

The server's on the mother ship.

Where's the mother ship?

- It's coming.
- Take us to it.

- No.
- Yes. Shake him more, Morty.

- That was working.
- Take us to the mother ship.

Okay, don't hurt me. Don't hurt me.

An ominous beeping app.

You can't stay made at a
guy with this kind of talent.

Dad, you can, and you have to.

_

- Ribbit, ribbit.
- Ribbit, ribbit.

- Hey, ribbit, ribbit, ribbit!
- Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit!

Look at this guy. He
wants to eat me so bad.

You want to eat me, don't you?

- Ribbit.
- Just kidding. Have some drugs.

- Are you Vermigurber?
- What does this guy want?

- Who is this monkey?
- I'm here about a sandwich.

Oh, well you came to the right place...

... 'cause you're about
to get a bullet sandwich

on two slices of whole... gun.

You might want to get that.

Hello?

Dad, give the human whatever he wants.

He knows where I live. He's crazy!

You [BLEEP] idiot.

I have 800,000 kids.

Don't forget your voicemail.

You have 470,000 messages.

Oh, ah, that's half of them.

Okay, w-w-what do you
want? What do you want?

Wait, this is seriously
about sandwiches?

I thought this was about drugs or guns

or the fact that I'm a fly
that runs a frog restaurant.

There's a million things that
are interesting about me,

and none of them are sandwiches.

- Who ordered it?
- Talk to our delivery drone.

He... he run off to fight
in the robot wars.

Hey, ape man, I hope this was worth

making a whole swarm of enemies.

It will be when I find
whoever shit in my toilet.

Is that code for something?
Someone look that up.

If that's drug slang, I need to know it.

Ah!

- Mom, you can't stop true love.
- Oh, yes, I can.

- You're assaulting me!
- Keep your voice down.

- I'm being assaulted!
- Oh, yeah? Okay.

- Statutory rape!
- Whoa.

My daughter's about to be raped!

No, I'm not! I'm being assaulted!

- Rape!
- Assault!

- Rape!
- Nobody cares. It's a motel.

Nobody's here because
their life's going so great

they can afford to get
mixed up in yours.

Deal with this [BLEEP] on your own.

You can't stop us from
getting a motel room.

Fine. I'll get one, too.

I'm getting the one next door,

and I'm putting a glass to
the wall, and I'm listening.

- Fine. Enjoy.
- I will.

- I'm Danny, by the way.
- You had your chance, dick.

- Take your app down.
- T-Take... take it down.

- What?
- I'm their hostage.

- Do they have weapons?
- Nope, but neither do I.

Do... do you have a weapon?

No.

- Take the app down.
- Take the app down.

I can't. I'm an intern.

Okay, well who tells interns what to do?

Not you, that's for sure.

Take us to whoever does,

or w-w-we'll... we'll punch you.

Okay.

Not bad, Morty.

Yeah, I don't know when the
other shoe's gonna drop,

but this is working pretty good so far.

Greetings.

We are the Monogatrons.

While your species was
still toying with fire,

ours mastered the
science of functioning,

committed relationships.

As the latest planet to develop our app,

you will now witness the true
power of superior intimacy.

Take the app down.

Take it down, or... we'll...
we'll... we'll punch you.

Is there someone with a gun or...

It's on its way.

The app remains up.

So what's the evil plan?

Does there have to be an evil plan?

- Oh, uh, uh...
- Uh, someone wanted a gun?

I'll take it. Thanks.

Here's the evil plan.

- [BLEEP]
- Goddamn it.

As a preapp civilization,

your love's value is
defined by scarcity.

You are highly trained to seek it,

and you have no idea how to maintain it.

Had you bothered to master love,

you would've learned by now,
it is as abundant as water.

You know what isn't? Water.

That [BLEEP] runs out.

So we'll be taking yours.

While your planet continues
to dick around with a, uh...

what is their version of it called?

Lovefinderrz, with two "R's" and a "Z."

- Oof.
- Yeah, not my idea.

- Goddamn.
- Am I interrupting?

- Impossible. Here she is.
- Mwah.

Your prisoners are getting away.

Prisoners are just things.

Connect with me. Tell me about your day.

I had an incredible meeting.

Did you know humans are 80% water?

And I found a new podcast
we can listen to tonight.

Love it. Okay, back to work.

Find and kill those earthlings.

We're outnumbered. There's no hope.

Then we go out in glory.

Flesh intruder, prepare to die.

Oh, hold on.

My apologies, Lieutenant Commander.

No problem. At ease, Soldier.

Initiate Employee Evaluation Mode.

- Accessing delivery archive.
- Okay, listen.

You delivered an avian
protein club sandwich

with no lettu... Goddamn it.

Oy, scoping for this bit, then?

Alright, a-a-alright.
I know you want to have

the big guy/little guy fight, but...

Aw, are you [BLEEP] kidding me?

Here at the Midland Quasar,

where, in a complete upset,

the Robolution has
overturned the lizards.

- It's totally unexpected.
- Uh, I understand, Mr. Phillips.

Yes.

I believe this is yours.

You, uh... you dropped that.

I'll have to call you back.

Where do you want to die?

Susan, is conference
room three available?

Can I look at a photo of
my wife while you kill me?

Sure, but I'm doing her a favor.

She either has terrible taste,

or she's trapped in a
marriage to a toilet thief.

She's dead.

And I don't mind joining her.

Life has been hollow since I lost her.

Using your toilet was nice, though.

I'm a bit of a shy pooper.

I'm ready when you are.

Stay there.

Tell him what you told me.

What is this? What's happening?

Tell him what you told me.

My wife's still alive.

Sh... sh... she went into
remission 10 years ago.

And what did you do today?

Oh, I, uh, pooped

on a really awesome toilet I found...

oh, ow, ow, ow, ow, oh!

Don't use your dead wife as an excuse.

You [BLEEP] on my toilet because
you don't know your place,

and your place is nothing.

So next time you stumble onto a toilet

that feels too good for
your ass, trust me, it is.

You're not gonna kill me?

Don't tell me what to do!

♪ Now every time they play this song ♪

♪ She say "This is my shit my shit" ♪

♪ See the flick of my
wrist, of my wrist ♪

- _
- ♪ And I know she know what's up ♪

♪ Baby, this is my shit my shit ♪

♪ See the flick of my wrist, my wrist ♪

Are you [BLEEP] kidding me?

♪ When you in my section,
fill it up when my cup empty ♪

♪ I can't [BLEEP] with rats ♪

♪ That's a fact, that's a dub [BLEEP] ♪

Oh, so you like being alive?

So why the [BLEEP] are you back here?

After you left, I thought
about what you said

and how much I needed to hear it,

but then I thought about
why you were saying it,

who you were really saying it to.

You need the same thing I needed, Rick.

You need someone to give
you, permission to live.

What the... ?

I thought you were a shy pooper.

You know what shy pooping is, Rick?

It's a pointless bid for control.

You want to take the one part of life

that you truly think is yours,
and you want to protect it

from a universe that
takes whatever it wants.

It took my wife.

It clearly took something from you.

We can spend our lives fighting that,

or we can choose to be free.

You're right, Tony. I'm done fighting.

Time to be free.

Oh, wait, you're actually
gonna... Oh, God! Oh, God!

- Where am I?
- Hi, little mouse.

Baby bee? I missed you so much.

I never really left you.

Then you know that a few years ago

- I started getting into...
- Strap-on porn?

Yes. I thought it was hot.

- Now, come on.
- Where are you going?

- To poop.
- Where?

Wherever you want, forever.

My God.

You rang?

I'm pooping, too.

Come, Tony. Come on.

Come poop with me. Poop with me, Tony.

Poop with me.

What are you waiting for?

Aren't you gonna join us, Tony?

Aren't you gonna join us in the pooping?

Where are we? What is this?

That's it. Get out.

You can make a perfectly-realized,

toilet-filled simulation of heaven,

but you can't share a toilet?

Don't insult my craft.

The chemical is Globaflyn.

It connects the
whatever-you-want section

of your brain to the
whatever-you-have section.

If your heaven is
toilets, that's on you.

All of these people...

Are living their wildest,
meaningless dreams

and leaving me out of them.

People you refuse to kill and
refuse to let into your life.

An offer you rejected, so
here's your last chance.

Goodbye forever. If you
touch my toilet again,

- you die.
- You need a friend.

I have a million cooler
friends than you.

- I'll be seeing you.
- You'll be dying.

- We're gonna be friends.
- You're gonna be dead.

So, we fight our way to the gas line,

we cut it, and then we set a fire.

Okay. Alright.

Morty, "Adventures of
Jerry and Morty," huh?

- Put her there.
- Dad, look, y-you know,

w-we don't need to high-five.

It's... it's kind of your fault that
we're in this situation at all.

I know, but, you know, come on.

- "Adventures of Jerry and Morty."
- Okay.

Mwah.

Jeff, I can explain everything.

You don't have to.

Can you just marry us instead?

Jeff, don't do it!

Richard.

Maggie.

- Running Bird.
- Let's get out of here.

- Priest Witherspoon.
- Josiah?

Let's get the [BLEEP] out of here.

Summer Smith, let's get
the hell out of here.

You had me at my own name.

Oh, yeah, no. Why would I... ?

Summer! [BLEEP] thing.

Come on. I can't steer this.

What in the hell are you doing?

- Parenting.
- That's not how I did it.

Yeah, where's your daughter?

Ah, you're right.

She joined ISIS.

It's Glootie, and he's
had a change of heart.

And he's going to set us free.

Actually, he's been blamed
for bringing you aboard

and assigned to execute you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay.

What would your girlfriend
think of you murdering?

I happen to be between
relationships right now.

Really? I thought your species
had perfected relationships.

- Here.
- We're not allowed

- to use those apps.
- I wonder why.

Yeah, that's what I thought, Glootie.

Looks like you and I...

... are all we've got.

I'm not helping you any more than that,

but if you can find the hangar,

grab a ship and get
the hell out of here.

Where you going, Glootie?

I've got a date with
dumping a dating app.

Glootie-ootie-ooh!

- Was that ever his thing?
- No.

- He never exited that way.
- No, first time.

Dad, I want to say something.

I started today disgusted and
embarrassed to be your son,

and then later I thought
we were gonna die

because you're a loser.

- There's no more, is there?
- Nope.

Now quit [BLEEP] up, and let's go.

Is Tony here? I br...
I brought him some, uh,

Vegan Fiber Chili,
delicious family recipe,

and a box of these, uh,
chocolates, sugar free.

He can eat as many of these as he wants.

Anyways, uh, just wanted
to drop these off,

and you tell him, uh,
the toilet's all his.

H-He... he'll know what I mean.

Tony died.

- Excuse me?
- He quit his job,

starting living life to the fullest.

He crashed into a tree

space-skiing down Mount Space Everest.

[BLEEP]

There's a Mount Space Everest?

Okay. Uh, Jesus.
I-I got to process this.

Oh, no, no. You... you
don't want to eat that.

Y-y-you'll... you'll... you'll become

the opening of "The
Beverly Hillbillies."

You know what I'm saying?
A little bubbling crude?

- Texas tea?
- I don't know these references.

Yeah, but you have a Space Everest?

Watch "Space Beverly Hillbillies"

so my jokes can land,
you [BLEEP] [BLEEP].

Now what?

Happily ever after.

And after that?

We'll find out together.

Summer how many soul mates
is that in the last week?

Four. You can't stop me from
loving who I love, Mom.

Oh, the [BLEEP] I can't.

I'm gonna mother you
until your 18th birthday,

even if I get thrown in prison
for non-consensual mothering.

And even then, I will break out,

come to your house, kick down your door,

and mother your [BLEEP] face
out of your stupid asshole.

I'm gonna daughter your
brains out, bitch.

Mother [BLEEP].

That's my name. Don't wear it out.

Gimme dat new soul mate.

Ad wall?

[BLEEP] this.

- Ad wall?
- What, they want us to pay for it now?

Ugh, ad wall?

Come on, Mom. Let's go home.

Great. We lost Earth.

We aren't defined by what we do,

and we only need each other.

Each other... and water.

There's no water?

Honey, the whole point
of conquering Earth...

I know the point of conquering Earth.

- Don't talk to me like...
- Like I'm thirsty?

Like I'm your mother,
you childish prick.

How much water are you sucking

through these stupid [BLEEP]
tubes on your back?

These tubes are cool,
and I want a divorce.

You can have one for a
glass of Goddamn water.

Look, uh, on the off-chance
that you used the app

and there's someone out there
waiting for you, I, uh...

Jerry, I didn't use it. Did you?

Me? No. God, of course not.

Well, then, we're all good, dawg.

Hey, uh... Hey, uh, Tony's dad,

uh, th-this is, um, $8 billion
in your local currency,

and, uh, this is a kit you
can use to clone a new son.

He... he won't have the same brain.

He'll kind of be an animal man,
but you can teach him stuff.

I-I-I also wanted to let you know

I did explore infinite universes,

and there is a version of
Tony that was completely evil

and ended up causing a lot of genocide

because of how fulfilled he was.

So, really, a lot of
ways of looking at this

as not much of a loss.

I understand.

It's, uh, hard losing a friend.

- [BLEEP] you.
- What?

He's not my friend.

There he is. There's our guy.

Congrats, Tony.

Have fun with your stupid toilet

that you get to use all by yourself now.

Enjoy using it all by
yourself while you sit there

and think about how nobody
wants to be around you

and how you ruined it for yourself

because you're a huge piece of [BLEEP].

Look at you sitting there,

King Shit on his throne of loneliness.

Enjoy this toilet with a thousand of me

screaming every time you take a [BLEEP].

All hail his majesty,

the sa-a-ddest piece of
garbage in the entire cosmos.

Long live the big, bad, doo-doo daddy.

May his reign last 1,000 years.

- Synced & corrected by MementMori -

Rick, did you take the Tapatío?

Hmm, Globaflyn?

Thanks.

- I could never lift it up.
- No problem.

I'll be able to drink water
for weeks because of you.

It's just part of my job, ma'am.

Breaker one nine, this is Jerry Smith.

Uh, just finished my first
delivery of the day.

900 more to go.