Original subtitles

(metal rolling)

(metal crashing)

(gentle tinkling)

(cow mooing)

(gentle inspirational music)

(dramatic music)

- [Alfie] What are you doing Louis?

- [Louis] It's impossible to get this rubbish to work.

This remote doesn't work.

- [Alife] There, there Louis, don't get all excited.

Now coffee lads.

- Yes please Alfie.

You know me, I love me coffee.

- I've updated the coffee machine with microprocessors

and Java, so now it's the quickest in the whole country.

(coffee machine clanging)

(Alfie laughs)

I hope you're good and thirsty Luca.

(bright jazzy music)

- I love coffee.

Steady on.

- That's that then, anything else I need to have a look at?

(television static whirring)

- This has gone completely pear shaped.

- Nonsense, I'll fix it in no time.

(owl hooting)

- Shouldn't we er, maybe take the plug out?

- No need for a little job like this.

(electricity jolting) (Louis groans)

- I need to go to the loo.

- Can't you just manage by yourself for once?

- But it's so dark outside.

- Well you should have thought about that

before drinking all the coffee in Brazil.

- It's all right lads, don't worry,

nature's turned the lights on.

- Here is the news that I feel is the most important today.

- Look it's easy as pie.

(electricity jolting) (Louis yells)

- Thank you Moon.

- Which also includes the provision that no one

in the government is permitted to ride a cow,

ever again.

And we're going to the Moon.

- Oh yeah, do you remember when you tried

to fool the newspaper about going to the Moon?

- Yes, it would have worked too if Luca's head

hadn't got in the picture.

- And it's been 50 years since the UN

adopted the resolution that no country

can own the Moon.

The resolution has passed it's statute of limitations.

- Statute of what?

- It means it's past it's expiry date,

like that sour milk you had for breakfast this morning.

- Oh don't remind me, that tasted awful.

- Three months for a new resolution to go into effect,

and in the meantime it's up for grabs.

Whichever country manages to build a rocket,

fly up there and plant a flag first,

that country will be the sole owner of the entire Moon.

- The entire Moon.

- Hmm, we could try building a rocket.

- But how could anybody own the Moon?

- And it appears Norway is interested.

Welcome to my show, isn't that so,

head of Norway's newly founded, Government Space Program,

Vigfus Skonken.

- Oh yes, Norwegians have always explored

and even conquered land, like the South Pole for instance

by Hansen, Nansen and Alensen.

- I'm the only one who's allowed to look

directly into the camera.

But Norway has no time to lose,

other countries are also in the race.

We've obtained exclusive secret images

smuggled from a rocket base in Russia

displaying a promising trial run

for the so called Matryoshka Rocket.

(upbeat Russian music)

- [Male] Niet!

- We have also been informed that even

the United States of America has resumed

it's space program after many years.

- [Male] Houston we've got a problem, a really big one.

Don't move.

- [Male] Sorry.

- All they need is for their astronauts

to lose some weight.

But honestly Skonken there really isn't any hope

that Norway will stand a chance in this

highly technological space race.

- I'd have to disagree, don't forget that it's typically

Norwegian to be um Norwegian.

And do you know Norwegians do astoundingly well,

some of the sharpest brains in the world are in Norway.

And the government thinks that the Moon landing

can become Norway's new

Moon landing.

- Don't look into my camera.

And now over to the weather.

(goat bleating)

- Why can't they leave the Moon alone?

- Well it won't be the first time people were up there.

- No it won't be, and it hasn't been the same since.

- Oh I've been dreaming about Moon rockets

since I was knee high to a grasshopper.

How would you fancy a trip to the Moon Louis hey?

Louis?

(door closing)

- [Luca] Is that a goldfish bowl?

- Shh.

I need to study the surface, and remember

where there are lunar craters so as not to fall into them.

- You're really going up there?

- The first magpie on the Moon.

For real this time, not just in the newspaper.

Everyone thought I was a wally and called it fake news.

But now I'll show them.

- I think a little trip to the workshop might be in order

you know.

- Now what I need to do is go and find some seed money.

- But Louis, what about all the things

that could go wrong?

- That can be your job.

- Well I suppose that is my specialty.

Right, where's the goldfish by the way?

- It's safe. - Right.

- Just er, don't use the potty tonight.

(inspirational music)

(birds chirping)

- Louis, Alfie!

(distant banging)

Hmm, I wonder what's going on in there?

(Alfie mumbling)

(electricity jolting) - No, no, no, no

that does not go there.

- What you doing? - Wait a second Luca.

I'm in the process of doing some precision work

that requires full concen--

(Louis yells) (metal clattering)

- [Mayor] Oh no sorry.

- [Louis] Don't worry I was gonna buy a new one anyway.

- [Mayor] Where am I going?

- [Louis] It's this way,

it's important to record the process

and the visiting celebrities.

This is the stuff documentaries and film awards are made of.

- Good day, good day, my name is Widow Stengen Von Glad,

Lord Mayor of Flaklypa for the Centurist Social,

Labour and Conservative Party.

Yes, the space program is so important

that the Lord Mayor herself is here for a visit.

- And the city council has already pledged their support.

Don't be shy now Alfie, let's see this rocket.

(dramatic music)

- Well it's not quite finished yet you know,

but here you have before you the La Pollo 0,

hand polished profiles,

optimized for low air resistance.

High RPM and medium fire hazard.

- Isn't your rocket a tad tiny?

- Uh no, the first tests are small scale.

When we've completed those we launch it

into the stratosphere and then it will be time

to build the actual Moon rocket.

- Stratosphere?

Sounds like a scary place.

- So do we have a party pooper here.

Oh it's wise to be careful at the start

but don't let the naysayers run the show.

It's all about perspective!

- Oh be careful.

- There are times when we need to forget about

what might go wrong and say yes we can.

- [Alfie] No!

(dramatic music) (rocket whirring)

- What on Earth is wrong with it?

- It's not finished yet.

- Run for cover everyone.

Watch out Luca!

- Give me that.

- (laughs) Look at it go.

- Well it's impossible to control.

- Oh no!

- I'm not an expert but aren't rockets

supposed to go up?

- Where did it go?

- I don't know.

(rocket whirring)

- I think I'll just nip in here for a minute.

- Sounds like it's okay.

(rocket explodes) (Alfie groans)

- [Luca] Is it safe to come out now?

(Luca gasps)

(wood creaking)

- Now then when are you going to start working

on the actual rocket?

- Never, it's over, this is the end of everything.

Everything we've worked for,

the entire space race project.

- But why Alfie?

- The test was a complete catastrophe,

we can't even afford to continue.

- Well that's why the Lord mayor is here hey.

We'll be back on track in no time

thanks to the council and the regional funding.

- Oh well, er, the council has gone through

an expensive restructuring.

Executive salaries have never been higher.

- But you said we could count on your support.

- But yes of course, you have all of our moral support.

- Your moral support?

- Oh yes, there's no shortage of that.

Just let us know if you need anymore,

more morals I mean.

- Aye, well it was fun while it lasted.

But you're never going to do a Moon walk are you Louis?

Not now anyway.

- It's probably just as well Louis,

you can walk around all you like down here on Earth.

- We can't give up now.

- Yes, we have too,

because our little space program

has been a total and utter fiasco.

- [Luca] Been one of them.

- Fiasco, that word doesn't exist

in Louis Gunderson's dictionary.

I'm going to the Moon, even if it's the last thing I do.

(gentle music)

(coffee machine creaking)

- We don't need the worlds quickest coffee machine,

seeing as how slow it is round here.

- Aren't you gonna watch the news Alfie,

we should maybe check up on the space race?

- Nah.

- Well I'm gonna watch it.

(gentle tinkling music)

- Here is the latest on the race to the Moon.

- Weird all they keep talking about on the news

is the Moon. - Shh.

- Rockets are being built all over the world.

According to our sources most of them have problems.

The EUs attempt has been a terrible failure.

They put the Italians in charge of organization,

the Germans of ornamentation, the Greeks of finance,

and the British Brexited before they even started.

And finally we've been told in breaking news,

the French have taken it upon themselves

to completely revamp the launch pad for no apparent reason.

This is why there were great hopes placed

on another contender in the space race.

An individual called Alfie Clarke,

an initial test launch took place earlier this week.

- How did they hear about that?

- I don't know.

- [Reporter] According to astronaut Bluka Gunderson,

in a somewhat unreadable press release.

- No such thing as bad PR.

- It's a good thing they don't have any pictures

of the disaster.

- Bluka Gunderson has also provided us with footage

of the test launch.

- Louis?

- Unlike the others happened to be surprisingly successful.

- Hey?

- [Reporter] The commentary here is by Gunderson himself.

- [Louis] As we can see La Pollo 0 is a model with positive

entry points, and explosive exit points.

This being said, it can be maneuvered indoors.

This tiny model quickly reaches impressive heights

and controlled landings on the launchpad

have been executed without any problems whatsoever.

- And joining us by phone is Vigfus Skonken

Head of Norway's governmental space program.

We hear you already have more funding in place

for Alfie Clarke.

- That's right, hello, hello, are you there?

Oh there you are, yes okay,

the government is about to announce

this great news to Alfie Clarke.

- Come on, in here hey.

- It looks as though it's coming together nicely.

And now we'll go over to the Lottery.

- I am Vigfus Skonken.

- Right my name is--

- The man that will get us to the Moon.

And the government will pay.

- But the test launch didn't go quite as well--

- Don't be bothering Vigfus with this.

I can smell the Moon already.

- Er, I think that might have been me.

- But it isn't that easy.

I mean we don't even have a launchpad.

- We're working on that presently.

- What about the materials needed to build the rocket?

- This is just perfect.

- And the workshop needs to be rebuilt.

- Ready when you are.

- What about fuel, I doubt that Flaklypa service stations

have 14,000 liters of double distilled high octane.

- No, but we have hundreds of oil rigs

that can help out.

We will do everything in our power

to launch this rocket as soon as possible,

with me onboard.

- Huh, you?

You're going to be an astronaut?

- Aren't you just an administrator?

- Just?

Look here, since Norway's going to own the Moon

a government official needs to set foot on the ground.

- Looks like it's you and me then.

- Yes.

- Seems like the government has it all under control.

- Seems like we're off to the Moon.

- Yeah, looks that way.

- This is an Insta moment Luca.

- Just a minute.

Go on get in Louis, right say cheers.

- I Think this calls for a celebration.

- I thought the council was broke.

- Huh, really, what ever made you think such a thing?

You're paying for this right?

- Uh huh.

- Bubbles all round, now let's celebrate.

I'll just put it on your bill.

(upbeat music)

(machine whirring)

(Luca groans)

(rocket firing)

(dramatic music)

- Come on it's starting.

- Oh yes.

- I'm not interested in watching space travel.

- Come here, Flaklypa's on the television.

- What a load of poppycock,

Alfie Clarke's Moon rocket.

Huh, what's that compared to

Oliver Clifford's cheese fountain

for birthday parties, and conferences.

(mumbling)

- None of the seats are reserved.

(screams)

(gentle tinkling music)

- This is so exciting.

(snoring)

- And so my avid viewers tomorrow is the rocket launch

at Cape Flaklypa.

And for the latest breaking news on the event

we go live to our reporter on the ground,

Frederick Hansen.

- Hello, and welcome, News Editor Frederick Hansen here

to report directly from Cape Flaklypa

- What?

I'm the only one supposed to have a desk.

Reporters aren't supposed to have desks.

- Well I can't hear you properly,

the connection is bad, but I'm sure you asked me

what it's like for an experienced news editor

such as me to host this program.

- No, I most certainly did not.

- A program such as this provides us with excitement,

tension, explosions, astronauts flying as fire balls

through the atmosphere on their way toward

a certain death.

- Oy!

- And here is the man responsible for it all,

Alfie Clarke, welcome. - Er.

- And the charming Madam Mayor of Flaklypa,

Stengelfohn-Glad

- Er it's Lord Mayor, but I'll let it pass.

(romantic music) (giggles)

- Quite, so how is it possible to have a rocket launch

in little Flaklypa.

- Well it's quite simple--

- Everything is possible in Flaklypa.

You wouldn't believe what we have accomplished here.

- Yes well, indeed, why don't we start here

in the control center.

This we would call mission control.

Most everything here is standard space equipment

according to the tamburg model,

closely tested using the on a whim method.

The rocket is controlled from the ground

to ensure resting regulations,

and in case they become car sick.

I mean rocket sick.

- How clever.

- We'll be communicating on this system

via analog frequencies.

We have it all to ourselves now that

everything's gone digital,

and naturally there is a designated area for relaxation

and contemplation, complete with dispensers

for red and white grape juice,

and assorted tins with various refreshments.

Naturally recycled materials,

all very environmentally friendly.

(Mayor yells)

Well it looks as if the Lord Mayor has a fancy

for that particular detail.

- Well you have to practice what you preach I say.

(Frederick mumbles)

- And here we have a machine that beeps

as long as everything is doing well.

These gauges are for measuring fuel and oxygen levels,

as well as weather conditions, stability,

and excess weight.

- Hmm, and what type of cargo are you bringing to the Moon?

- That's the governments business,

I'm merely in charge of transportation.

- Transportation, (laughs maniacally)

Emanuel, fetch the largest cheese in the storage room.

(Emanuel mumbles)

Can you imagine how much people would be willing to pay

for cheese that's been to the Moon.

- Yeah, I mean who are they to disabrie?

(laughs)

Get it, disabrie.

- Well that would be a bit cheesy (laughs).

Hey, I said go fetch that cheese.

- Um, as you can see the mood for the day before take off

is rather cheery.

- Oh yes, we're all very cheerful here.

Rose.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

- Well you'll be off tomorrow?

- Yeah but we'll keep in touch by radio the entire time.

And we'll be back before you know it.

- Promise you'll come back though?

- Of course, I'm not leaving you Luca.

We're gonna be mates for the rest of our lives.

- Well how can you be so sure about it?

- See this glass jar, I'll fill it up with Moon dust

and then bring it home just for you.

- Yeah.

- And in order to keep my promise of giving you Moon dust

I have to return don't I?

- Okay, but just be careful Louis all right.

- Look Alfie built the rocket yeah,

I'm at the controls, I mean what could possibly go wrong?

(tense dramatic music)

(gentle bright music)

- Oh yeah, it's starting soon, yeah.

(snoring)

(groans)

(bright tinkling music)

- The day has finally arrived.

A Norwegian rocket will be sent to the Moon,

Norway is in the lead of the space race now,

the Moon could actually be Norwegian.

This is--

- I have to interrupt that boring introduction

that didn't even mention me.

Here come the astronauts.

(dramatic inspirational music)

- Whoops, well if you insist.

- Hey up, Louis, the jar!

- Today my friends, today they aren't just two men who,

well yes they actually aren't in fact two men.

We have one man and one magpie.

Today it isn't just a man and a magpie

who are going to the Moon,

because they represent all of us.

La Pollo has a little bit of all of us on that journey.

- Never mind that, is it time for lunch hey?

(dramatic suspenseful music)

- Louis to Alfie, we are now in the control module.

- Great, prepare for systems checks before take off.

- Roger, I mean Alfie.

- Check the gyrostabilizer to counteract gravity

and vomiting.

- Check. - Check.

- [Alfie] Check rocket brake system.

- Check. - Check.

- [Alfie] Check payment method in case of crash landing

in a foreign country.

- Travelers check. - Check.

- [Alfie] Check fuel level.

- Full, as a bloke on Christmas day.

- Check, check.

- Run procedure for checking the aluminum hull.

(metal banging)

- Check.

- Check. - Check.

- Hang about, Louis you forgot the jar for the Moon dust.

- [Alfie] Check machine that goes beep to ensure that all

systems are go.

- Check. - Check.

- [Alfie] Oxygen.

- Enough to the Moon and back again.

- [Alfie] Seal the hatch.

- Sealing the hatch now.

- Hello?

- All systems are go.

- [Alfie] Then sit back and start the engines,

and we'll commence countdown.

(engine chugging)

- There, can you feel it Melvin?

The magnitude of space, the yearning for the unknown?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah I'm feeling it.

Oh I need the loo.

- Can't you hold it in?

- [Louis] All systems are a go as they say across the pond.

- Commence automatic start sequence.

Take off in T-minus two minutes.

- Oh yes, tea would be lovely.

- No that means that the rocket will launch

in two minutes.

- Yes, yes, it's all very, very exciting.

- Perhaps you and Luca could step out.

- Luca?

Last time I saw him he was hitching a ride on the rocket.

- What?

- Is that a problem?

- [Alfie] Louis check the lifeform detector.

(radar beeping) - What?

(Luca breathing heavily)

There is something moving in the cargo hold.

- Just as I suspected, okay we'll have to abort the mission.

- Are we on the Moon already?

- Ah, now we're ready Vigfus

- Will this jeopardize the Moon landing?

- Oh no, Luca brought me something very important.

Alfie we're ready now.

- Right, we'll try that again.

Let's pick up where we left off.

T-minus one minute and 26 seconds.

- Is it tea time?

- No it means that's the length of time left

until the rocket is launched.

Urgh, don't you know anything.

- Louis, disconnect the fuel intake.

- [Mayor] T-minus one minute and 11 seconds.

- 11.

- [Alfie] Maximize the fuel pressure.

- Maximizing pressure.

- [Mayor] One minute to lift off.

- In one minute Norway will be making history,

Frederick Hansen?

- I'm in the middle of blogging.

Can't a reporter even write an emotional blog

about space exploration now.

Let's see, how do you spell death trap?

- [Alfie] Transfer from external to internal power.

- Terminating external power.

(bright inspirational music)

Transfer to internal power complete.

- Splendid, sit back and relax,

and I will take over from here.

- T-minus 30 seconds.

- We're going to be rich.

- Count down from 20, 19, 18,

17, where are you off to now?

- The loo.

- 13, you'll miss the--

- 12. - Rocket launch.

- I've had enough of rockets.

- Lift off in 10.

Nine.

(engine rumbling) Eight,

Seven.

- It's happening, it's happening.

- So we're getting in reports from onsite

that it is actually happening.

- Three,

two,

one.

- Zero.

(engine blasting)

(dramatic music)

- Can you describe what it feels like

to be so close to the rocket?

- Of course, yes, it's absolutely indescribable.

- We have lift off.

Some bubbly perhaps.

- No, thank you

I'm the designated driver of this rocket.

(cork popping)

oh no.

The cork is stuck.

I can't control it.

- Oh goodness.

- What's going on?

- Oh we have to do something,

I should take a selfie.

- My cheese.

- They'll be dust and debris, de-brie, (laughs).

- Louis you have to take over,

I need to disconnect the external control system.

- Oh that sounds like a delicate operation.

(Alfie yells)

- 30% keel over and increasing.

Connect gyrostabilizer flaps.

Peddle.

- This is appalling, someone could get badly hurt here.

Why aren't we filming people who could get hurt?

- Because er, we could get hurt.

- Rocket injuries are covered by the natural disaster fund.

- Listen to me Louis, you need to level out the rocket.

Reverse the gyrostabilizer and give extra thrust

when you reach the safety zone.

- I am trying.

- This was not part of my job description.

(engines blasting)

- Fantastic, have you ever seen anything so beautiful?

- Get out of the way.

- Yeah!

- Huh?

- Can I go to the loo now?

- What, yes you can go now.

- Thank you.

- Oh wasn't there a loo here a moment ago.

(tense dramatic music)

- Must be the cabbage I had yesterday.

(alarm blaring)

- Alfie, did we build the rocket with an external bathroom?

- [Alfie] What do you mean?

- The loo is stuck to the rocket.

- Oh no, that's where Luca was going.

- We have to get Luca in here before he falls out.

Here you take over.

(knocking on door)

- It's occupied do you mind.

What's going on?

(Luca screams)

Me hat!

- You have to stop doing this Luca, you could get hurt.

- Louis I'm never ever going to the loo again.

- This is not going according to plan.

- Oh don't worry, the more people we have from Flaklypa

the better, it simply confirms that Flaklypa

is the space capital of the world.

- Yeah, how is the loo, I mean Luca.

- He has his liquorice and he's sitting up in bed.

- Will he be okay?

- Everything under control, he likes the outdoors,

couldn't be further out then this, isn't that right Luca?

We're doing great.

- [Alfie] You're about to exit the atmosphere,

extinguish the booster rockets

and set your course for the Moon.

- Aye aye, I'm setting course for the Moon.

- Our heroes are on their way--

- Our heroes are on their way to the Moon.

- We'll return as soon as something interesting happens.

- We'll return as soon as something interesting happens.

Thanks so much for tuning in to--

- That's my line, not yours Hansen.

- We'll return as soon as something happens here in--

- As soon as something happens here in Flaklypa

- Good evening, and good night.

- Good evening and thank you for watching, cut.

- Thank you for watching.

(bright bouncy music)

- In less then a week we'll be selling Moon cheese.

(gentle classical music)

- Louis!

- Not now Luca.

- Sausage.

- [Alfie] Remember to engage artificial gravitation

so you don't float about and hurt yourselves.

- Artificial gravitation on.

(Luca groans)

Next stop, the Moon.

(snoring)

- Space it's so, it's really big,

and dark, and empty.

- There's also the occasional planet I've been told.

And stars with light that travels for thousands of years

before we can see it.

- Is light usually so slow in space?

- No but the stars are very far away from where we are

so they could actually be long extinguished

before we even see their light.

- [Luca] That's very far away.

- And the universe is even greater then that.

Even a blood pimped Delorean time machine

with triple boost turbo could drive for thousands

of years and never reach the end.

Think about that Luca.

- [Luca] You'd probably hit a wall or something

sooner or later.

- [Louis] Luca, when you run into that wall in outer space,

you have to ask yourself, what is on the other side

of that wall?

(loud banging)

- The wall.

- No space rubbish.

The universe will be the dumping ground of the future.

People think that they can chuck anything out here.

- Oh such a shame to throw out all that stuff.

Things that could have been used again,

bits and bobs, this and that.

You can make loads of stuff out of other stuff.

- Look I think the Russians have been here.

- And the Americans an all.

(dramatic music)

(fabric tearing) (air hissing)

(alarms blaring)

- The government never sleeps.

- What?

- Louis you're leaking oxygen, you need to go outside

and repair it.

- Out, go out of the rocket?

- Don't worry yourself he has six jet packs.

- Do you mean jet packs, or do you mean six packs.

- I mean both.

The six jet pack has a built in micro brewery

which generates the power.

100 Newton meters of pressure are produced

by the brewing process which can be adjusted

to make stronger ale for extra thrust is required.

(suspenseful music)

(jet pack whooshing)

(air hissing)

(Louis screaming)

- No!

Oh no, Louis!

- Can he fix the hole?

- Looks like it.

- Oh I think this calls for a small celebration.

- Well the hole is fixed but they've lost

a lot of oxygen in the meantime, this could mean trouble.

- We have just received word from the control center

that things could go wrong.

- How on Earth did they know that?

- This according to the sources very close

to the inventor, and everyone is asking

whether or not the Moon landing could be compromised.

(farting)

- Just pretend I'm not here, but is the landing compromised,

everyone's been asking.

- No, no, the landing is not compromised.

- Viewers we've just received conformation

that the landing is not compromised.

- No it's not compromised, but anymore unexpected problems

like that one and we'll have to turn around.

- Yes.

- Yes.

- Yes.

- [Alfie] Start descent and landing procedures.

- Commence descent and landing procedures.

Louis, where are you?

- I'm just fixing the six jet pack.

Never know when it will come in handy.

(Louis burps)

- But Louis you're the first in command, the captain.

- Er,

why is that green dot blinking?

- It's just the motion sensors,

Louis is down below in the cargo hold.

- But are there supposed to be two dots there?

Oh dear, that's more then there should be.

- Take it easy Luca I'm on it.

(suspenseful music)

(radar pinging)

Is somebody here?

- Don't take another step Louis,

there's something right in front of yah.

- Huh?

- Louis stop.

- Nothing here.

What in the name?

(growling)

Flaklypa we have a problem.

- He says he's here to keep an eye on some cheese,

a chap called Oliver Clifford smuggled onboard.

- Oh for heavens sake, I can't believe that Oliver Clifford.

This is the final straw.

- One more person shouldn't matter should it?

- Yeah but that person is Emanuel Desperado,

lungs like a tuba.

He'll use a lot of oxygen, and after that leak it's--

- But there's some oxygen surely it will be enough.

- The most important thing now is that we get them

back home, the oxygen level is far too low

to sustain four astronauts, you must abort the mission.

(growls)

Hello, I repeat the oxygen level is too low,

abort mission, hello, abort.

Hello can you hear me?

- This will make Flaklypa no better then any other town.

- Oh no, that is not the problem.

- Not a problem, that's the greatest load of rubbish

I've ever heard.

(alarm blaring) - Oh no.

I need peace and quiet so I can work.

- You will be remembered as a complete failure.

- Calling La Pollo One, I repeat abort mission, hello.

- Hello.

- What's Alfie say?

- I don't know, it's a very poor connection.

(dial tone)

- What do we do now?

- We land, Alfie said it was very important

that we land it, that was all I could make out.

Come on then Captain Louis.

- The first Norwegian to set foot on the Moon.

(engine rumbling)

- So gentlemen the Moon will soon be Norwegian.

- But why can't the Moon just be Moonian?

- What, Moonian, listen here, there's no doubt

that Norway is the right nation to manage

the Moons resources.

- Resources?

- The remote control is ruined, I need to get in contact

with them or it'll be a disaster.

- Citizens of Norway at this very moment,

La Pollo One is going in for landing.

- My cheese'll land on the Moon any minute.

- I am sitting here with Lord Mayor Stengelfohn-Glad.

- Space Exploration Lord Mayor Stengelfohn-Glad.

- Yes, there seemed to be an issue regarding

the oxygen, is it fixed?

- Oh yes, nothing can stop the people of Flaklypa.

When we've got our eye on something.

- Oh.

(inspirational music)

(engine roaring)

- Oh no, La Pollo One, you are nearly out of air,

take off again.

Oh I need to regain contact with them now.

- Easy peasy.

Yes!

- Yes my friends the eagle has landed.

Well perhaps it's a pheasant.

- It could be anything from here.

- No, no, I think it's a pheasant.

But that's beside the point, the main thing is

the rocket has now landed on the Moon.

And the moment we've all been waiting for is almost here.

- The buffet?

- No, a Norwegian on the Moon.

- Oh yes, that too.

- [Frederick] Is that Louis Gunderson?

- Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis!

Oh, Vigfus, Vigfus, Vigfus, Vigfus, Vigfus!

(gasps)

- In the future everyone will remember

what they were doing at this very moment.

- Boogers.

- I think everyone in the country must be watching

their screens right now.

And we will shortly be hearing from the brave

patriot himself.

- One small step for man,

but one huge step for Norwegian bureaucracy.

- Yeah, yes, that's beautiful.

- Hey, you said you'd wait for me so I could go first.

(laughs)

- The government doesn't pay millions

so a non-government official like you

can go first, buzz off.

(inspirational music)

I hereby declare the Moon to be Norwegian.

May you provide our nation with joy and wealth.

(cheering)

- In your face rest of the world.

- Wonderful!

- The previous owner did a poor job of tidying up.

I'm sure there's a return deposit on this.

- Yes, time to start the robot.

- The robot?

(alarm blaring)

What in the world, Alfie didn't make that.

- No this is too high tech for Alfie.

It is the Gov Vacuum C-type.

A very complex robot, it will vacuum the Moon.

- But why?

- You see Moon dust contains a very rare metal

that isn't found on Earth.

Vigfusium.

- Vigfusium, named after you?

- Vigfusium is a very valuable substance

with countless uses, we'll start it now

so it can gather dust for several years

and we'll return to fetch it later.

And then we'll sell the dust for billions.

- But what'll happen to the Moon if we take

all the Moon dust off it?

- Nothing at all.

Well almost nothing.

The reflections will be weaker that's all.

- Weaker reflections he says,

what does he mean by that?

- He means Luca that the Moon won't shine no more.

- No more Moon lantern.

(dramatic music)

- But you can't do that.

- We can buy a million electric lights

with all the money we'll earn.

- That doesn't matter, you are not going to drive

this robot out Vigfus.

- That's not your decision, it is the Norwegian people

represented by the Norwegian government,

represented by me.

- I'm people too, I pay my tax.

Or at least I've paid a lot of parking fines

over the years.

- Fine, let's do this the democratic way.

We'll vote on it, those in favor of exploiting the Moons

resources so that Norway can get rich

and we can create a banana fund,

and buy all the bananas in the world,

apprehend the other two now.

(dramatic music)

- I thought we were a team Vigfus.

- I'm sorry Louis but I am the government,

that's the only team I need.

(Louis groaning)

¶ Norway is the best ¶

¶ It always stands the test ¶

¶ Norway can vacuum the ¶

¶ Entire planet ¶

- Cooey don't you want to celebrate Alfie?

- Why don't you go celebrate on your own

somewhere very far away, I need to get my lads home

before they run out of air.

- Are they in danger?

- If I can recalibrate this to the machine

that goes beep when everything works as it should--

- Yes.

- I could do with another power lead.

- I am a born leader, I can help.

- No, something with metal.

Oh I don't have the time for this.

- Like this?

- That might actually work, thanks.

- Don't mention it, we must get those boys back.

- Yes.

- Oh there will be consternation in the press otherwise.

(tense dramatic music)

¶ Hooray for Norway independence day ¶

¶ And the Moon and all that stuff ¶

- You're gonna regret this Emanuel.

(Emanuel mumbles)

- I hope someone up there knows Morse code

'cause we don't have much time.

¶ The Moon is dark, very very dark and gray ¶

- Well time to go home.

- You need me to fly the rocket, so let me go.

- So you can sabotage my robot on the Moon, never.

I can manage just fine with my new pilot,

Captain Emanuel.

(Emanuel gasps)

Just give it a little bit of time, we'll be fine.

- Here Louis, why's that machine beeping like that?

- It's supposed to beep so we know

everything's in order.

- Oh good thing too 'cause that wouldn't be

a very good message if that was actually Morse code.

- Do you know Morse code?

- Oh yeah, it's the emergency code used as sea.

You know like if you get into difficulties

out on the ocean.

- And what would that beeping mean if it were Morse code?

- Come back now, not much air left.

But this isn't Morse code though, is it?

- Vigfus, what have you done!

- We can discuss that later but for now

you are reinstated as captain so we can hurry

back home again.

(Emanuel grumbles)

- Calling Flaklypa, La Pollo calling Flaklypa.

I can't get through.

- Oh dear, this must be the source of the failure.

- Calling Flaklypa, Alfie are you there, Alfie.

- [Alfie] Is everyone okay up there?

- We just found out about the oxygen Alfie,

is there still hope for us?

- Of course, but you need to take one thing at a time.

It's difficult but if the rocket comes up

to it's full speed.

- Good, commence departure procedure.

(rocket engine roaring)

Are you ready Luca?

Luca?

- He's probably hiding in the cargo hold.

- Oh no Luca.

- Stop!

In the name of the Moon.

Stop!

(Luca groans)

- Luca what are you doing?

We're going home, we have to leave now.

- But the robot it's gonna destroy the Moon.

- We need to leave now or we'll run out of oxygen.

If that isn't dangerous I don't know what is,

come on Luca.

- Er, no!

- No?

- Remember those stars you told me about,

the ones that died a very long time ago

but they still shine?

- Yeah.

- If we leave now the Moon will go all dark

and that's how it'll stay for the rest of our lifetimes.

- Yeah I know but Luca look--

- But if we save the Moon it'll keep on shining

long after we're gone, maybe even longer.

And not a lot of people get to save the Moon Louis, do they?

- Luca, I rarely say this,

but you know what you're right.

- No, no, no, those idiots are going to ruin everything,

I must stop them, I'll be back soon.

(Emanuel mumbles)

Don't breath too much.

(machine whirring)

- We'll never be able to stop it.

- It's just a machine, and machine's can be switched off.

- Hello, hello.

Can someone tell me what's going on up there?

(Emanuel mumbles)

What, I don't understand, can you repeat that?

(dramatic music)

(machine beeping)

(Luca yells)

- There's the control panel Luca.

You're gonna have to disable the robot.

- How am I supposed to get onto it?

- Good Luca.

Pull out the cable.

It's been fun Mr Robot but it's time to say night night.

Huh?

- You might as well give up.

- Vigfus!

- The government is always two steps ahead.

I apologize, but I can't allow you to stop

the robot, this is what we will all live off

when the oil is gone.

I just have Norway's best interests in mind.

This isn't personal.

- That's a relief.

- Let go, that is government property.

(Luca yells)

Get off.

- Out of my way.

- The remote control!

- I'm stuck, help!

- I'm coming Luca.

- Vacuum Type-C has gone bonkers.

- Help!

- I can't.

- Help!

(machine groaning)

Emanuel?

- Oh he saved us.

- He's got a good pair of lungs on him.

- Looks like he lifts weights too doesn't he?

- Lifts them, he eats them for breakfast.

Vigfus you dimwit what are you doing?

- I didn't mean too,

I just, well the government and,

it was all so clear.

- You could have actually killed us.

- I have killed us, a long time ago.

We don't have enough oxygen to get back.

- No.

Sorry I let you down lads.

- Look for a pessimist I'm really impressed

that you're taking this so well Luca.

And you know if this really, really is the end

for Louis Gunderson at least we go out with a bang,

on the Moon.

I can honestly say I've had an interesting life,

with good friends, not everyone has been so blessed.

- I thought the government was my friend,

it's been the only friend I've ever had.

- It's never too late to make friends.

We could be your friends, for whatever little time's left.

- So ladies and gentlemen all hope is lost,

and now we're going over to--

- La Pollo One has no more oxygen left,

it's probably all over.

- Imagine we'll never taste another cup

of freshly brewed coffee again.

- And I'll never smell a beautiful flower again.

- And I'm never going to have another day at the office.

Well, that's actually not so bad.

- And I'll never again get to take my rage out

on random objects like this one.

- Oh I thought it would be heavier.

- Oh Vigfusium it really is an amazing substance.

Can also be used as fuel, it makes any engine

go five times faster.

It's too bad we're not out of fuel.

- Five times the speed you say.

- Flaklypa we have a solution.

The Moon dust is a very efficient fuel,

we can modify the engine so that we can go

five times the speed.

- If you go five times faster the tiny little bit

of oxygen you have left might just last long enough

to get you back into our atmosphere.

- Well we have to try.

- Only problem is the rocket isn't made

to go at that speed.

- But the rocket is made by the best,

no one knows how much it can take,

not until it's pushed to it's limit.

Vigfus are you coming?

- Yes, I'm coming.

(engine roaring)

- Let's give it our best shot.

- Let's go home.

- La Pollo has taken off from the Moon,

but will they return home?

They'll have to fly faster then anyone

has ever flown before.

(groaning)

- They're on their way at least.

- It's a long road, a very long road.

- But they are heroes regardless of how it ends.

Yes it would be great fun if they returned home alive,

especially for them.

(alarm blaring)

- Oh this is not going to end well.

- Is it just me or is it getting

a bit hot in here?

- I'm sorry but at the speed you're traveling at now

through the atmosphere it's bound to heat up.

- Heat up, by how much?

- It'll be hot enough to take a sauna Luca.

(glass breaking)

- Now I know how freshly baked bread feels.

- And now I'm here with our aluminum expert,

can the hull of La Pollo One withstand the heat?

- Oh yes, no problem.

- That's good.

- But the passengers might not.

- Oh, well, will they return home,

or will they fry like sausages in their own grease?

- Well that's it, they're out of air.

- This is it, hold your breath.

- They should be here shortly.

- Is that it?

(crowd gasps)

(triumphant music) (crowd cheers)

- Oh Luca.

- I'm never going to leave you again.

- Alfie!

- Thank goodness.

(Emanuel grunts)

- Moon cheese.

(yells)

- We managed to return safely because well,

we worked as a team.

- But the big question is, is the Moon Norwegian?

- We did plant the Norwegian flag on the Moon

so the Moon was really Norwegian,

but we had to bring the flag back down again.

- Can you tell us why?

- I'm afraid that's a classified secret,

desperate situations require desperate measures.

- Did we really have to take the flag back down?

- No, but no one owns the Moon.

- So the Moon isn't Norwegian?

- The Moon is, as a wise man once said, Moonian.

- A wise man, I thought I said that?

- Right, will there be more Moon expeditions Alfie?

- Well I don't think so.

- But isn't Norway's future out there?

- When a bicycle repair man inventor,

a tough magpie, and a nervous hedgehog,

and a strong gorilla and a boring administrator,

when a gang--

- And a charming Lord Mayor.

- When a gang like this manages to cooperate

to get a rocket to the Moon and back,

I'm convinced that the future lies down here.

- And this concludes our program.

Frederick Hansen would you like to sign off?

- No, no, you do it.

- No you.

- No really you.

- No you.

- No, no you take it.

- No you, you deserve the honor.

- I'll take it.

Say goodnight.

(smooth jazz music)

- Imagine we was all the way up there.

- And imagine we came back home again.

- Yes imagine that.

I will never be sending you away that far again.

- You know it's not that far to Mars.

- I know but we'd need a larger rocket for that,

that would mean drafting new plans.

- [Louis] Read 'em and weep, three jacks.

- Are you cheating Louis?

- Me, I'm as honest as the day is long.

'specially during the short days of winter.

- But I have two jacks too you see,

that can't be right.

- Oh there seems to be an unusual amount of jacks

in this deck.

- Well I've got four of these, queens, look.

- Ah that's where they are, I was wondering

where they'd got too.

- Ah Luca, you always have such good luck.

- [Luca] Yeah but what if all my luck runs out one day?

- [Alfie] Nothing to worry about Luca,

nothing to worry about.

(upbeat triumphant music)