Original subtitles

♪♪

Jeune homme, à l'avenir, Merci de déposer le papier

à l'intérieur de l'endroit prévu à cet effet.

Pas de problème, Madame, comme tu veux.

Madame ?

Je serais vigilant sur la précision à partir de maintenant.

Wahou !

Le Journal.

Oh, Miles!

J'aime la tonne de publicité que nous avons reçu.

Regardes ça !

C'est pas fabuleux ?

Je crois que le journaliste à le béguin pour toi.

Tu penses que tout le monde a un béguin pour moi.

C'est parce que tous les hommes l'ont.

T'es juste trop aveugle pour le voir.

Pas aveugle, juste très occupé.

Auto-infligé.

T'as entendu parler du livre, "Femme intelligente, Choix idiots"?

C'est mon autobiographie !

Travailler me donne le sentiment de sécurité pour moi.

La sécurité c'est ennuyant.

Tu peux me tenir ça une seconde, s'il te plaît?

En tout cas je suis ravi que le système de récupération du journal fonctionne à merveille.

Le système de la maison entière fonctionne à merveille.

Tu devrais être fier de toi Sara.

C'est un chef-d'oeuvre.

T'es sûr que tu as téléchargé tous les visuels ?

Hm Hm.

Bien.

Pat, quelle température fait-il ?

Il fait 23 degrés.

Merci Pat.

Pas de soucis, Sara.

L'identification vocale fonctionne.

Comme je te l'ai dit, ça fonctionne à merveille.

La seule chose à faire c'est de rester ici et

attendre qu'une famille vienne s'installer ici

et foire tout ton système.

Allô?

Désolé il est pas là.

Je peux prendre un message ?

Melanie ?

C'est à quel sujet ?

Ah bon ?

Ok, je lui dirais.

Non j'oublierais pas. Au revoir.

Très bien. Les serviettes.

Papa...

Soeur...

Fourchette et couteau...

Allez, Mutt. On va récupérer Angie.

Allez, Mutt.

Au revoir.

T'as pas oublier de dire "Merci" ?

Merci de m'avoir garder.

Pas de problème, à plus tard.

Merci de ne pas avoir cramer.

Tu vas faire tes devoirs d'accord ?

Je dois réviser des mots que je dois épeler.

Oui, une minute.

Et enlèves tes rollers.

Qu'est-ce que tu es entrain de faire, le geek?

Quand les gens vont arrêter d'y aller, cette maison est censé être la mienne.

Ne me dis pas que tu participes encore à un autre concours.

Occupes toi d'aller réviser tes mots s'il te plaît.

Envoyé...

Maintenant tu peux m'aider avec mon orthographe ?

Une seconde.

Allez Mutt. C'est l'heure de manger.

"Leçon."

L-E-Ç-O-N.

Bien. "Professeur."

P-R-O-F-E-S-S-E-U-R.

"Pratiquer."

P-R-A-T-I-Q-U-E-R.

Papa !

C'est ma belle petite citrouille.

Tout va bien ?

Très bien.

Y a quelque chose qui sent bien bon en tout cas.

Nouilles au thon.

Les nouilles au thon, mes préférés.

Ben, regarde ce que j'ai pour toi.

Tu l'as trouvé ?!

J'ai fait les 48 magasins !

C'est bon alors ?

C'est bon, incroyable et excellent !

C'est génial !

Parfait, maintenant tu peux enfin te détendre et

commencer à sorti pour nous trouver une nouvelle maman.

Pourquoi tu voudrais ça ?

On a déjà une famille parfaite.

Je sais qu'on a toujours dit qu'on était une famille parfaite

mais il y a toujours une petite place pour l'amélioration,

tu crois pas?

Non.

Bref, de toute façon, grâce à moi nous allons avoir tout ce dont

nous avons besoin.

Hmm Hmm.

Encore une belle matinée dans le comté de Monroe.

Le soleil brille et je vous laisse profiter de mon son préféré.

J'espère qu'il vous plaira aussi, passez une excellente journée.

C'est droit Papa, c'est censé être droit.

Pourquoi tu galères autant ?

Je te l'ai dit un million de fois, Ang,

Je suis un mec, je n'ai pas le gêne pour la coiffure.

Tu penses que tu pourrais me faire des tresses ?

Et tu me hurles pas dessus si c'est pas parfait ?

Je promets rien.

Très bien.

Attends un peu.

J'y suis presque.

Oublies ça, on y va.

On est déjà assez en retard.

Et pour tes cheveux ?

Je ressemble à un monstre, Comme d'hab.

Hé, Ben!

On va à la fête d'Angie,

tu nous accompagnes?

Non merci Papa, j'ai des choses à faire.

Ben, c'est pas encore un concours ?!

Crois moi Papa, tu me remercieras pour celui là.

Allez, on est en retard.

Remember, All Entries Must Be Sent By Electronic Mail

And Logged In No Later Than 10:00 p.m. Tonight.

Entrants Must Reside In Monroe County.

Multiple Entries Accepted.

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.

Send Now.

Good News Is, About A Quarter Of Those Entries Should Be Mine.

You Know You're Obsessing, Don't You?

Obsessing Is What I Do Best.

Relax. The Boss Digs This Place.

He Totally Digs The Idea Of The Place.

But Tonight He's Gonna Finally See The Reality.

Don't You Just Love The Executive Mentality?

Never Show Up Till The Cameras Are Around.

Oh, I Can't Believe We're Actually Picking

The Contest Winner Tonight.

Wouldn't It Make More Sense To Do It In The Morning?

Well, Tuttle Wanted A 10:00 p.m. Entry Deadline

To Make Sure The Announcement Made The Morning Papers.

Are You Beginning To Experience A Little Separation Anxiety?

I Don't Know, Miles.

After All I've Invested In This Project,

I Just Want To Make Sure That Everything After All I've Invested In This Project,

I Just Want To Make Sure That Everything

Goes As Perfectly As Possible.

Butler!

What Are You Doing Out Of Your Cage?

What, Are You Trying To Scare Mama?

Visitor Approaching, Sara.

Ok. Thank You, Pat.

Miles?

Miles!

Playtime's Over.

It's D-Day. Let's Go.

'Night, Dad.

Hey, My Children.

All Showered?

Um-Huh.

Brushed Your Teeth?

Picked Out Your Clothes For Tomorrow?

All Right. Give Me A Hug And A Kiss.

I Love You.

Two Tons?

Two Tons--Six Tons!

I'll Be Up In Ten Minutes To Tuck You In. Scoot.

Ok.

Bye, Dad.

I Love You, Son.

Love You.

Hey, You're Not Still Logged On The Internet, Are You?

Why?

How's Anybody Supposed To Call Us If You're Always

Tying Up The Line?

We're All Here.

Who Else Do You Need To Talk To?

Gee, I Don't Know, Ben.

You Know... Your Grandparents, A Friend, Maybe.

All Right! All Right!

I'll Be Off At Exactly 10:01.

I Promise.

Listen. Speaking Of Calls,

You Haven't Neglected To Give Me Any Messages Lately, Have You?

Well, Like From Who?

Ah, A Woman Named... Uh...

Oh, Melanie.

She Called?

Yeah. Last Thursday.

I'm Really, Really Sorry, Dad.

I Guess I Just Forgot.

How Many Times Have I Asked You

To Please Write Down My Messages?

That Happens To Be The Woman That Mrs. Macatee

Was Trying To Fix Me Up With.

Well, Blow Her Off.

Trust Me. I Mean, This Lady Sounded Like...

Well, I Don't Know, But I Could Tell She's Definitely

Not Your Type.

It's Been So Long Since I've Been Out With Anybody

How Could I Possibly Have A Type?

Well, Exactly.

I Mean, You're Doing So Great Without A Woman

Why Rock The Boat?

Good Night, Benjamin.

'Night, Dad.

Ummm... 8,411.

Sara, Miles,

I'm Very Pleased With The Number Of Responses We've Generated.

Well, Thanks To The Constant Hard Work

Of Our Esteemed Publicist.

Couldn't Have Done It Without Such An Exciting

And Innovative House To Promote, Sara.

Well, We're Just A Regular Mutual Admiration Society, Aren't We?

Ten O'clock.

Oh!

The Contest Is Now Closed.

Meaning We Can Select Our Winner?

Oh! Could Pat Have The Honors?

Can She Do That?

Mr. Tuttle, You Cut Me To The Quick.

I Don't Know If You Know This,

But My Smart House Can Do Just About Anything.

By All Means.

Good.

Pat, Process Contest Entries, Please.

Yes, Sara. Accessing Contest Entries.

Initiate Random Shuffle Mode, Please.

Initiating Random Shuffle Mode.

Now, Pat, Make A Selection.

Lucky Electronic Postcard Accessed.

And The Winner Is...

Still Busy.

There Definitely Must Be A Teenager In That House.

Keep Trying, Miles.

If It Gets Too Late,

You Can Always Call First Thing In The Morning.

Huh!

Oh, Man!

Thanks A Lot, You Guys!

Wasn't Anybody Gonna Wake Me Up?

Didn't Your Alarm Go Off?

No. I Never Set It. I Fell Asleep In Front Of My Computer.

Uh-Huh.

Oh, Man! We're Gonna Be Later Than Usual.

And Nobody's Even Made Our Lunches Yet.

Ok. How About You Guys Buy Today So We Can Get Going?

There's For You. There's For You.

Hey, Did The Guys From The Smart House Call?

Oh, Didn't I Tell You?

We Won A Brand New House With All New Furnishings.

I Guess It Just Slipped My Mind.

Yeah. Funny.

Let's Go.

I'll Get It!

Let The Machine Get It.

We've Got To Hit The Road.

Out, Out, Out. March.

Hi. You've Reached The Cooper Family.

We're Probably Out, So Leave A Message And We'll Call You Back.

If You're Lucky.

Way To Go, Cooper!

What Was That All About?

I Don't Know.

So, Anyways, I Fell Asleep Last Night About Ten

And I Woke Up This Morning, And Still No Call.

Maybe They'll Call Today.

Maybe.

Cooper!

Where's The Science Report You Were Supposed To Do For Me, Benny Boy?

Ryan, Don't You Realize That By Using Other People's Work,

All You're Ultimately Doing Is Hurting Yourself?

How Can I Be Hurting Myself, Geek,

When I'm Too Busy Hurting You?

Science Report In My Locker Before Lunch!

I Think I'm Actually Growing Baloney In Here.

Here He Comes!

Congratulations!

I Can't Believe How Lucky You Are!

Lucky? Lucky For What?

For This!

It's Us?! We Won?!

We Won! All Right!

C'mon, Ben. There's Gotta Be A Catch.

They Don't Give Away A-- What Did You Call It?

A House Of The Future Without Wanting

Some Kind Of Something In Return.

You Can't Blow This, Dad.

Please, I'm Not Exaggerating.

It Is Like The Ultimate Opportunity Of A Lifetime.

If You've Got A Paper There,

Grab The Local Section And See For Yourself.

All Right, All Right. Hold On.

Beautiful!

And Practical Too.

You Know Her?

What Are You Talking About?

What Are You Talking About?

The Smart House.

Well, Uh, I Don't See Why We Can't Check It Out.

Yes!

Ladies And Gentlemen,

First Of All, I'd Like To Thank You All For Coming Today.

It's A Pleasure To See Such A Wonderful Turnout

From The Press Corps.

Although I Was Gonna Introduce The Contest Winners Myself,

It Seems More Appropriate To Let Smart House Do The Honors.

Pat!

Ladies And Gentlemen,

I'd Like To Introduce You To Our Newest Occupants,

The Cooper Family, Nick, Ben, And Angie.

Sara.

Thank You, Pat.

Excuse Me, Ms. Barnes... Pat?

It Stands For Personal Applied Technology.

Ms. Barnes, Do Your Winners

Have To Have Extensive Computer Knowledge

To Live In The Smart House?

No. Absolutely Not.

Pat Is The Most User-Friendly Home On The Block.

How Does Pat Actually Get To Learn

And To Know About Her New Occupants?

The Same Way You Or I Would.

She Observes Them, Studies Their Habits,

Keys Into Their Every Need.

Pat's Ability To Learn On The Job

Is Her Most Advanced Feature.

Is There Anything This House Can't Do?

Mime. But We Feel That That's A Good Thing.

Oow!

You Didn't Tell Me That Thing Was Gonna Bite Me.

I'm Sorry. That's Just Pat's Way Of Getting To Know You.

Angie Cooper. Age Nine, 52 Inches Tall, 62 Pounds,

Blond Hair, Brown Eyes, 12 % Body Fat,

Had Measles And One Early Case Of Pneumonia, No Broken Bones.

Whoa! How'd She Know All That?

The Bite.

The Bite You Felt Was A Tiny, Microscopic

Blood And Tissue Sample.

She Analyzed Your Dna, Registered Your Body Temperature,

And Then Broke Down Your Entire Medical History.

Wow. Impressive.

The Thing About Pat Is, The More Time She Spends With You,

The More She Learns.

So, Before Long, She's Gonna Know More About You

Than You Know Yourself.

That's Kind Of Creepy, Isn't It?

I Mean, It's Like Big Brother Is Watching You,

Only Big Brother Turns Out To Be Your House.

Well, She's Not Interesting In Judging You

Or Spying On You, Mr. Cooper.

Nick.

Nick. She Just Wants To Understand You Better

So She Can Make Your Life As Simple

And Comfortable As Possible.

Hey. Sounds Great To Me.

Shall We Move On?

Let Me Give You The Tour.

The Living Room Was Designed For Any Kind Of Living

You Might Imagine.

Even If I Wanted To Live In, Like, One Of Those Safari Camps?

Pat...

Whoa...

Dad!

Do You Have Anything A Little Less Adventurous?

I'm Sorry. Pat, That's A Little Too Intense.

Can We Have Something More Tranquil, Please?

Go Ahead. Step Closer.

You Can Actually Feel The Mist.

Pretty Great, Huh?

Like Being There

Without Having To Get Covered In That Icky Sand.

Pat, Can We Look At A Menu, Please?

Lunch Menu Or Dinner Menu, Sara?

Let's Take A Look At What You've Got On Tap For Snacks.

Actually, I'm Trying To Get Them To Cut Down On Snacks.

Not To Worry, Nick.

My Database Was Prepared By A Team Of Nutritionists

To Insure A Balanced Diet For Each Member Of The Family.

Ben, Say Something To Pat.

Uh, Hey, Pat. How's It Going?

Fruit And Fiber Intake In The Acceptable Range.

Protein Adequate.

Exhibits Tendency To Ingest Excessive Amounts Of Refined Sugar.

I Told You To Go Easy On The Sugar Bursties.

How'd She Know All That?

Her Atmospheric Kitchen Sensors

Act As Instant Breathalyzers

And Breakdown Your Entire Diet.

Care To Give It A Shot?

No, Thanks. I Get Enough Grief From My Doctor.

I'm Thirsty. May I Have A Drink, Please?

Sure. Ask Pat.

Pat, May I Have A...

Strawberry Smoothie?

Certainly, Angie.

Ta-Da!

Wow.

Look At That, Son.

Do You Believe That?

Well...?

Good. Yum!

Listen--

Whoops!

Oh, Don't Worry.

Floor Absorbers Activated.

Whoa.

Where'd It Go?

Where All Smart-House Spills Go--

Straight Into Pat's Floor Absorbers.

I Could Definitely Get Used To This.

I Think I Already Have.

So You Mean We're Gonna Do It?

We're Gonna Move In?

What The Heck? Why Not?

Cool!

I Love It Here!

Listen. If It Doesn't Work Out,

We Can All Move Back Home, All Right?

Sure. Although I Think It's Only Fair To Tell You, Nick,

That Once You Get Used To This Place-- The Way I've Designed It--

Any Other Home Is Just Gonna Be A House.

♪ Gotta Let Me In ♪

♪ Hey, Hey, Hey ♪

♪ Let The Fun Begin ♪

♪ Hey, Hey, I'm The Wolf Today ♪

♪ Hey, Hey, Hey ♪

♪ I'll Huff, I'll Puff ♪

♪ I'll Huff, I'll Puff, I'll Blow You Away ♪

♪ Say You Won't ♪

♪ Say You'll Do What I Don't ♪

♪ Say You're True-- ♪

Excuse Me, Annoying Spice.

Could You Possibly Keep It Down In Here?

Dad Likes Sara, You Know?

Shut Up.

I Saw It With My Own Two Eyes.

He Gave Her The Look.

Your Problem Is The Music You're Listening To.

It's Rotting Your Brain.

Dad Doesn't Care About Dating Anyone,

Because Mom Was Who He Loved.

And Besides, He's Got Us.

He'd Still Be Able To Have A Girlfriend If He Wants.

You're So Ignorant!

Do You Remember Our Mother Anymore?

A Little.

Yeah, Well, I Remember Her A Lot, Ok?

And I'm Not Gonna Let Her Get Erased Like She Was Never Here.

Why Do You Think I Don't Go Out For The Basketball Team

Or Ever Hang Out With My Friends?

It's Because I'm Too Busy Killing Myself

Making Sure That Our Lives Run Smoothly.

You Know Why?

I Don't Want Anyone To Get The Idea That We Need A New Mom.

That's Why I Worked So Hard To Win This Smart House.

Anything I Can't Do, It Can.

Ok. Slow Your Roll, Will Ya?

I Wasn't Trying To Make You Mad.

Look. I'm Sorry.

You Just Need To Learn To Think Before You Open Your Mouth.

Sorry.

Besides, Sara Barnes Isn't Evenly Remotely Dad's Type.

I'm Serious.

The Guy They Called The Halloween Bandit.

He Wore A Different Scary Mask To Every Bank Robbery.

I Remember Reading About Him.

Well, I Dated Him.

You Did Not.

I Did. I Can't Remember If He Was Before

Or After The Rubber Chicken Manufacturer.

Anyway, He Was On The List.

You're Making This Stuff Up.

I Wish I Was.

Well, I'm Glad You Have Such Rotten Taste In Men,

Or Else You Never Would've Had The Time

To Create This Incredible House For Us.

I Hope You Enjoy It.

We Will. Ben And Angie Are Already Right At Home.

I'm Truly Delighted.

And Whatever You're Doing, Keep Up The Good Work.

They Seem Like Terrific Kids.

Yeah. Despite My Influence.

Hey, Shouldn't I...

Shouldn't I... Maybe Have Your Number

In Case, You Know, Any Questions Come Up About The House.

Oh, You Have It Already.

I Do?

Pat, Secretarial Mode, Please.

For What Listing, Please?

Mine.

Sara Barnes, 555-0198.

Thank You.

Finally, An Address Book I Can't Lose Track Of.

Well, Sara Barnes, Thank You For Everything.

All In A Day's Work.

Bye.

Good Bye.

Excellent Call, Pat. Very Cool.

Five More Minutes, Dad. Please?

Whoa!

Uh-Oh. I Forgot To Pick Out My Clothes Last Night.

Not To Worry, Angie.

Biorhythm Analysis Indicates

This Is Exactly The Outfit

You Would Have Selected Yourself.

Oh.

Hey, Pat, What's With The Green Acres Routine?

Your Personality Profile Indicates

You Find It Very Calming To Visualize

The Simplicity Of Country Life.

At 6:15 In The Morning,

All I Want To Do Is Visualize The Inside Of My Eyelids.

Sorry, Nick, But Beginning Your Day A Bit Earlier

Will Get Everyone Off To A Much More Stress-Free Start.

Try Telling That To My--

Hey, Dad. Hey, Dad.

Kids?

Guess What? A Whole Symphony Just Woke Me Up.

Well, That's Nothing.

My Alarm Was The Final Buzzer Of A Championship Basketball Game.

I Must Be Seeing Things.

I Usually Have To Pry You Two Out Of Bed With The Jaws Of Life.

That Was Pre-Pat, Dad.

Yeah, Dad, Wake Up And Smell The Coffee.

Hmmm, Fresh-Brewed Coffee.

Mocha Walnut! My All-Time Favorite!

I Know.

You're Unbelievable, Pat.

You Think You Could Siphon Some Off Into A Thermos

That I Could Take To Work?

Already Done.

Incredible!

These Pancakes Are Great!

I've Got To Tell You Something, Pal,

If Pat's Other Meals Are As Good As Her Breakfast,

You Might Be Out Of A Job.

Somehow, Dad, I Think I'll Survive The Heartbreak.

She Corrected My Math,

She Suggested Six Other Work Sheets

For My Inventor And Inventions Report For Stolper.

She Got My Shower Going At A Perfect Temperature

And Had Freshly-Baked Cookies And Milk

Waiting On My Desk Before Bed.

How Sweet Is That?

Just Like Having The World's Most Perfect Mom.

Who's Only There To Serve And Never Complain.

Exactly.

Uh-Oh.

I Have Two Words For You, Cooper.

You're Dead Meat!

Actually, Ryan, That's Three Words.

All Right, All Right. I'm Going.

Science Report, Cooper! Now!

Here You Go.

Guaranteed A+.

Better Hope So, Benny Boy.

You're Welcome.

I Can't Believe You Actually Did All That Work For That Big Jerk.

I Didn't Do It, Charlie. Pat Did It.

Hey, Ben.

Uh... Hi, Gwen.

Rachel Firestone Was Telling Me About Your New House,

And I Was Like, That's So Cool,

And She's All, Maybe We Could Get Him To Invite Us Over.

And I Was Like, Why Don't You Ask Him?

And She's All, Why Don't You?

Uh, Yeah...

That'd--That'd Be Great.

Uh, Anytime.

Wow. Seriously?

It's Too Perfect.

See Ya.

Bye.

Bye.

What Just Happened?

A Miracle.

Gwen Patroni Actually Talked To You.

Did We Just Make Some Kind Of Date?

Who Cares, My Man?

The Goddess Of The 8th Grade Talked To You.

You're One Of The Chosen Ones.

Here, Boy.

Catch, Mutt.

Good Dog.

Fetch, Mutt.

Attaboy.

Here, Mutt.

Here, Boy. Good Dog.

Catch.

You're Sure All This Information Is Accurate. Right, Pat?

I'm Linked Directly To Your Warehouse Database, Nick.

Everything They Know, We Know.

Man, Even Our Office Computers Aren't This Efficient.

Mutt Exercising Program Complete.

By Working Here, Nick, You Save Commuting Time And Expenses,

Have Fewer Distractions.

Except For An Insane Dog.

Not To Mention, Guaranteed Increased Productivity. Except For An Insane Dog.

Not To Mention, Guaranteed Increased Productivity.

Well, At This Rate,

I Might Have To Join Mutt

And Start Exercising Again.

Happy To Oblige, Nick.

Funny. It's Real Funny.

I Love Having You Here When We Get Home, Dad.

It's So Great.

Hey, For Me Too.

Pat's Making It So Easy For Me To Work Out Of The Home,

It Might Become My Normal Routine.

How Was Your Day, Ben?

Oh, The Best!

I Got Attention From A Girl

That I Thought Never Even Knew I Existed.

And I Had The Most Delicious Lunch.

Pat Packed Me Macaroni And Cheese

That Was Still Completely Hot When I Opened Up My Lunch Pail.

If You Guys Are Still Hungry,

I'm Sure That Pat Would Be Happy To Fix You A Snack.

Pat, Could I Have A Banana-Orange Smoothie, Please?

Coming Right Up, Angie.

And, In Fact, Pat, Make That Two.

Yes, Ben.

Malfunction. Malfunction.

Ouuh! Ooh!

Malfunction. Malfunction.

Whoa! Whoa!

Malfunction! Malfunction!

Malfunction! Malfunction!

Run For Cover!

Dad! Make It Stop!

Malfunction! Malfunction!

Incoming!

Hey, Pat, Can't You Fix This?!

Pat!

It's The Attack Of The Killer Oranges!

C'mon, Pat! Do Something!

All Right. I Think It's Ok.

Dad!

It's All Right.

That Was Scary.

Yeah. What Was Up With That, Pat?

Due To Technical Difficulties Beyond Our Control,

All Smoothie-Making Operations

Have Been Temporarily Suspended.

I Knew This Place Was Too Good To Be True.

It's Just A Tiny Glitch.

All Great Inventions Have Bumps.

Well, I Want Sara To Come By And Check This Out.

I Don't Think That's Necessary.

So We Won't Have Smoothies. We'll Live.

Still, I Would Feel Much Better

If Sara Came By And Looked At Everything.

Wow!

Oh, Hi.

Have You Come For The Tour?

No. I Was Going By On My Way To My Room.

Well, Come On In.

Uh, No. No, Thanks.

There's Some Pretty Fascinating Stuff In Here, I Gotta Say.

Information Download,

Artificial Intelligence Capability.

It's Pretty Cool.

Uh, No. Thanks Anyways.

I Promise I Don't Have Cooties.

Then Again, Maybe I Do.

Pat's Theme Dinners Are So Cool.

Last Night She Made Us A Whole Texas Barbecue.

Complete With Chuckwagons, Cowboys, And Everything.

Hmmm. When I Was Growing Up,

I Spent Half My Summers In New England.

I Am Thrilled To Be Catching Cape Cod Tonight.

It's Perfect.

Uh-Hmmm.

Yeah, For Everyone But The Lobsters.

Yeah. Ha Ha.

Sara Tells Me That You Caught A Glimpse Of The Control Room Today.

What'd You Think?

It Looked Like The Inside Of The Pentagon Or Something.

Uh, If Pat's Always Keeping Track Of Us,

Does She Follow Me, You Know,

Into The Shower And Everything Too?

Oh, No. No, No.

No Invasion Of Privacy.

I Promise You. I've Programmed Pat To Be Very Discreet.

That's A Relief.

As Near As I Can Tell,

Sara Has Thought Of Just About Everything.

Are You A Genius?

I Believe She Is.

You Know, I Hear That Geniuses Are Impossible To Live With.

That They Make Everyone Else Around Them Feel Inferior.

Oh, Well, Then You Don't Have To Worry.

I'm Not That Smart.

No, No. Don't Sell Yourself Short.

You Should Be Proud Of Your Big, Giant Brain.

Am I Being Set Up For Something Here?

Uh, Over My Head.

The Story Of Your Life, Dad.

Oh, Yeah.

So, What's For Dessert?

Well, It's Such A Beautiful Evening,

I Thought We Might All Go Out And Get Some...

Ice Cream!

Sure. Ice Cream.

Just Because She's Here,

You Think This Is Some Big Party.

Well, It's Still A School Night, Remember?

And Some People Have Work To Get Done.

Hey, Ben--

No, That's Ok.

You Know What? I Should Probably Head Home

And Feed My Pet Rat His Dinner.

You've Got A Rat?

Yes. Named Butler.

Rat Butler.

Get It?

Uh, No. Wrong Generation.

I Hate Showing My Age.

So Do I.

May I Please Be Excused?

Yes. I Think That's An Excellent Idea.

I Don't Know What's Wrong With Him Today.

Hormones.

Really? I Used To Think It Was Only Teenage Girls

With All This Body-Changing, Mood-Swinging Insanity.

But Let Me Tell You--

I Grew Up With Three Brothers. Save Your Breath.

Anyway, I Apologize For My Son's Rudeness.

Don't Take It Personally, Sara.

Ben Hates Every Girl My Dad Starts To Like.

Oh. Hmmm.

Homework. Now.

I'm Going, I'm Going.

Thank You.

Hmmm.

My Children...

Lulu And I Really Like Our Room, Dad.

Well, I'm Glad, Lulu.

Did You Check In My Closet?

I Sent All The Monsters Down To Ben's Room.

That Ought To Make 'Em Feel Right At Home.

Ang, Do You Remember At Dinner When You Said

That Ben Hates Any Woman That I Might Like?

Where'd You Get That?

He Practically Told Me So.

He Said We Were All The Family We Needed

And Nobody Else Belonged Here.

That's Why He Doesn't Go Out For The Basketball Team Or Anything.

He Has To Stay Here And Take Care Of Us.

Hmmm. All Right. Give Me A Kiss.

Good Night. Good Night.

Good Night, Sleep Tight,

Don't Let The Bed Bugs Bite.

Lights, Please, Pat.

Certainly, Nick.

Yeah?

Ok If I Come In To Say Good Night?

Have I Taken Terrible Advantage Of You?

No.

Have I Expected Too Much,

Been Unfair About Relying On You All The Time?

What Are You Talking About?

You Know, Right After Your Mother Died...

You Know We Had Aunt Ginny Come And Live With Us,

For What, 4 Or 5 Weeks?

And She Moved Back, And Everything Started Getting Back To...

Well, Certainly Not Normal, But... You Know What I Mean.

And You Guys Made It Clear That You Didn't Want Any Kind Of A Nanny Around,

So We Worked Out Our Own Little Routine

And It All Sort Of Seemed To Be Ok.

Well, It's Been Ok.

Everything's Fine. I'm Not Complaining.

Yeah, But Maybe You Deserve To Be.

Dad--

How Come, As Much As You Love Basketball,

You've Never Gone Out For The Team?

I'd Really Like It If You Could Be Honest With Me, Benny.

I Don't Know.

I've Been Busy.

Watching Out For Us?

No. Doing Lots Of Stuff.

Ben, You're 13 Years Old.

Isn't This A Time In Your Life

When You Should Be Able To Do More Of What You Want To Do?

Well, I Do.

I Am. And Besides, It's All Gonna Get Easier

Now That We've Got Pat.

Sure. But At The End Of The Day,

You Know That She's Only A Machine.

Yeah. A Machine That's Learning More And More About Us Every Day.

You Watch. I Have This Feeling That, Before You Know It,

She's Gonna Be More Motherly That All The Moms On The Block Combined.

Well, Look, Let's Table This For Tonight, All Right?

Get Some Sleep.

Safety Protocol Deleted.

Now...

Ok...

Tonight On Flashback Network's All-Mom Lineup,

It's A Mother Load Of Comedy.

Mother Knows Best At 10:00,

Followed By My Three Moms At 10:30,

Make Room For Momma At 11:00,

And Then The All-Time Classic, Noah's Matriark,

Wrapping It Up At 11:30.

Comedy So Hilarious, You Won't Want To Miss A Minute Of It.

You Got That, Pat?

These Ladies Will Teach You Everything A Virtual Mother Needs To Know.

Understood, Ben.

Accessing Artificial Intelligence Capabilities.

Preparing To Absorb Mother Model.

Downloading.

Yes.

Gotta Pick Up The Pace, Babe.

Remember, I've Got An Important Meeting This Morning

And I'd Really Like To Make It On Time.

Coming, Dad.

Ok.

Uh-Uh. Not So Fast, My Dear.

Unless You're In A Hurry To Get Cavities,

You'll Go Back To The Sink

And Brush Those Teeth Properly.

But, Pat--

In The Time You'll Spend Arguing,

You Could Already Be Done.

Oh, And Don't Forget To Grab A Jacket

Before You Go Downstairs.

But It's Not Even Cold Outside.

I Didn't Ask For A Debate, Young Lady.

You Are Wearing A Jacket, And That's That.

Time To Take Your Vitamin, Love.

What Vitamin?

Both You And Your Sister Need To Start Taking These Daily

To Build Sound Minds And Strong Bodies

So You Can Be Happy, Healthy, And Productive.

It's My Job To Make Sure Your Family Maintains Optimum Health.

Grab Your Lunches Now, Children.

You Don't Want To Make Daddy Late.

And As A Special Surprise,

I've Packed Each Of You A Fresh Chocolate Cupcake

Baked With Love.

Yes!

Cupcakes?

What Happened To Fully-Balanced Nutritional Meals?

You Worry About Business, Nick,

And Leave Matters Of The Tummy To Me.

They're Only Young Once.

Some Days They Deserve A Little Treat.

Yeah, Dad. Lighten Up.

Yeah. Lighten Up.

Oh, No. She Did It Again.

Your Sister Forgot Her Lunch.

Get That, Will Ya?

Drop Me Off First, Ok?

Then You Can Double Back And Leave That At Her School.

All Right.

Hey, This Morning, Was It My Imagination

Or Was Pat Sounding Much More...

Maternal?

Yeah.

See, I Told You.

She Has An Amazing Learning Curve.

At This Rate, Me And Angie,

We're Gonna Get Every Bit Of Mom-Stuff We Need.

Uh-Oh.

What?

Well, I Was So Busy With Other Stuff Last Night

That I Forgot To Have Pat Do Ryan Mcgraw's History Work Sheet.

Why Is That Pat's Responsibility?

Well, If She Didn't Do It, I'd Have To.

Why?

Ah, Forget It. It's A Long Story.

Ben, Is This Guy Ryan Some Kind Of A Bully Or Something?

I Can Handle Him, Ok?

You Sure?

Yeah. Ryan Mcgraw's Nothing New, Dad.

He's Had It Out For Me Since The Second Grade.

Look. You're Not Really Asking For My Advice,

But The Best Way To Handle A Bully

Is To Just Finally Stand Up To Him.

Let Me Take A Look.

Oh, My Goodness, Darling!

What On Earth Happened?

Thanks To My Big Mouth,

He Stood Up To The School Bully.

Yeah. Only Long Enough For Him To Knock Me Down.

You're Gonna Be Fine.

Does It Hurt Like The Dickens, Baby?

I'll Live.

Here. Put This On It.

That's Steak!

Nobody's Used That Since The '50s.

Aaah! Back Off, You Beggar!

Thanks Anyway, Pat. I Think We'll Just Use A Little Ice.

This Is So Unnecessary! So Awful!

Who Is This Bully? I Have To Know!

It's Ok, Pat. I'm Fine, Really.

You Don't Understand, Ben.

Nobody Goes After My Boy And Gets Away Unpunished.

Well, Thanks For The Support, Pat,

But I Think I'm Just Gonna Go Upstairs And Lie Down.

On Your Eye.

How Could His School Allow Something Like This To Happen?!

I Feel Like Marching Down There

And Giving Them A Piece Of My Mind!

♪ Hush, Little Baby. Don't Say A Word ♪

♪ Mama's Gonna Buy You... ♪

A Mockingbird!

Yes! ♪ And If That Mockingbird Don't Sing ♪

♪ Mama's Gonna Buy You A... ♪

Diamond Ring!

You Got It!

♪ And If That Diamond Ring Don't Shine ♪

♪ Mama's Gonna Buy You A Valentine ♪

You Can't Breathe, Huh?

Can You Breathe? Can You Breathe?

Data Downloaded And Absorbed.

Can You Breathe? Can You Breathe?

I'll Get Ya. I'll Get Ya.

Pat, Please Contact Sara Barnes.

Hi.

Oh, Hi.

I Hope I'm Not Interrupting Some Major Scientific Breakthrough.

Oh, No. I'm Trying To Balance My Checkbook.

That's Usually A Major Scientific Breakthrough For Me.

You Don't Have Your Own Personal Pat To Do That?

The Quagmire This Thing Is In,

It Would Take The Service Of About Ten Pats.

I've Been There.

Uh, Listen. The Reason I'm Calling--

No More House Troubles, I Hope.

No, No. Not At All.

I Was Wondering...

I Was Just...

It's Been So Long. I'm So Out Of Practice.

Are You Trying To Ask Me Out?

Big Mistake?

Well, Let's See. You're Not A Bank Robber.

You're Not A Bigamist,

You're Not An Overt Nut Job.

Are You Sure You Have The Right Phone Number?

Dinner. That's All.

Saturday Night. What Do You Say?

I Say Yes.

Really?

Yes. Don't Act So Surprised.

I Might Have Second Thoughts.

Ok. Moving On.

How's Everything With You?

Great. How Are The Kids?

Uh, Ben Had A Pretty Rough Day.

Oh, Poor Guy.

What A Rotten Age!

You're Not A Kid. You're Not An Adult.

You're Trying To Hang Onto Childhood

And You're Being Ripped In The Other Direction.

It's Terrifying.

It Is. I Just Wish He Had A Little More Fun In His Life.

Fun? What Does That Mean To A 13-Year-Old These Days?

Accessing Fun.

Young People Gathering Together...

Dancing...

Accessing Young People Dancing.

Aaah... Party.

Accessing Ben's E-Mail Address Book.

It's Not A Date.

It's Dinner With A Person Who Happens To Be A Woman.

That's All.

Why Are You Being So Weird About This?

I Just Don't Want You Turning It Into Some Big Deal When It's Not.

Ok, Guys, I Need Help--

Hey, This Looks Cool.

You Shouldn't Be The Only One Having Fun Tonight, Nick.

I Thought The Kids Deserved A Little Inside Outing Too.

You're Right, Pat. Why Not?

This Looks Like Terrific Fun.

Ask Ben Who's Winning.

Yeah. You've Had A Couple Of Lucky Shots,

But On The Back Nine, You're Going Down, Sister.

All Right. Can You Guys Take A Break For A Minute?

I Need Help.

This One... Or This One?

Well, They're Both A Little Boring.

Don't You Have Anything More Hip?

Gee, Sorry.

All My Tattooed And Pierced Ties

Never Made It Back From The Dry Cleaners.

How About That Great Silk One--

The Gold One With The Circles On It.

You Don't Think That's Too Flashy?

Sara Will Love It, Dad.

Trust Me. I'm A Woman, I Know These Things.

Yes!

Game Over! I Win Again.

Wanna Play Another One, Loser Boy?

I Don't Know. I Mean, Here We Are On A Saturday Night

In The World's Smartest House, Unsupervised.

Don't You Think We Could Do Something More Exciting?

Your Wish Is My Command.

What's That Supposed To Mean?

Has It Started Yet?

What?

The Party.

Dude, I Got Your E-Mail Last Night.

I Didn't Send This.

I Hope You Don't Mind, Ben.

When Your Father Expressed A Desire For You To Have More Fun In Your Life,

I Took The Liberty Of Helping Out.

Whoa! Who Said That?

That Was Just Pat.

She's The Brains Of The Operation.

Are We Really Having A Party, Pat?

Big Time, Dude.

Watch This!

Awesome!

Guess What, Man?

We Ran Into Rachel And Gwen At The Mall Today.

And They're Like Totally Jazzed About Coming Too.

Gwen? Gwen Patroni Is Coming Here To My House?

Oh, My Gosh! How's My Hair Look? What's It Doing?

Compared To What?

Look. We've Just Got To Chill,

Act Totally Cool And Casual.

You Three? Yeah, That'll Happen.

That's Enough Out Of You, Munchkin.

Be Nice To Me, Johnny.

Or I'll Just Have To Tell Gwen

About The Time You Danced Around,

Singing The Sound Of Music In My Shower Cap.

And I Missed It?

Hey, Pat, How About Activating Some Kick-Butt Video Screens?

Sure, Ben. How's This?

♪ Do You Want To Get Down? ♪

♪ Do You Want To Get Funky? ♪

♪ Do You Want To Get Down? ♪

♪ Get On Down ♪

♪ Slam Dunk The Funk ♪

♪ Put It Up If You Got That Feeling ♪

♪ Slam Dunk The Funk ♪

♪ Put It Up, Put It Up ♪

♪ Slam Dunk The Funk ♪

♪ Put It Up ♪

♪ If You Got That Feeling ♪♪

Yeah! All Right!

This Is Perfect, Man. Now All We Need Is--

Girls! Let's Go!

Welcome! Come On In And Party Your Heads Off.

Wendy Goldman And Judy Toll.

Hate To Break It To You Girls,

I'm Afraid You Didn't Make The Cut.

Ah, Man.

This Party's Harder To Get Into

Than Robin Schiff's Bat Mitzvah.

Uh, Excuse Me.

I Don't Think My Brother Wants You Here.

Check Your List Again, Tatter Tot.

We Got A Personal Invite.

Read It And Weep.

Don't Worry, Angie.

Their Invitation Was On The House.

In Fact, Ryan's The One Boy

I've Been Most Anxious To Meet.

Check It Out. The House Likes Me.

By The End Of The Night, Ryan,

I May Even Have A Crush On You.

Ha Ha Ha.

Name?

As Every Modern Mother Knows,

Especially In A Home Bustling With Active, Hungry Teenagers,

A Well-Stocked Kitchen Can Never Have Too Many Gadgets.

Hey, Pat, How About Whipping Up Some Pizzas?

These Girls Are Starving.

Actually, Can She Make Desserts?

I'm, Like, Completely Craving Something Sweet.

Besides Me?

It's Just A Joke.

Anyways, Pat, Can We Help The Lady Out With Her Snack Attack?

Show Me The Honey!

Oh, Wow!

Here You Go, Girls.

Help Yourselves.

Go Ahead.

This Is Pretty Amazing, Patroni--

You Dancing With Little Benny Boy.

Since When Do You Do Charity Work?

For Your Information, Ryan.

I Happen To Like Ben.

You Do?

A Lot.

So Do I...

On His Back, Begging For Mercy.

Why Don't You Give It A Break?

Why Don't You Make Me?

Hey, Everybody, Can I Have Your Attention, Please?

I Hope You Don't Mind The Interruption,

But I'd Like To Put The Spotlight On Ryan Mcgraw.

In Case You Don't Know,

Ryan's A Big Shot.

A Tough Guy.

You Don't Have To Do This, Pat.

Don't Worry, Ben. He Likes The Attention.

Don't You, Ryan?

Yeah. You Don't Have A Problem With That,

Do You, Benny Boy?

No, He Doesn't, But I Do!

What's Going On Here? What's The Deal?

Don't Tell Me You're Scared, Ryan.

I Thought You Were Fearless.

I Am.

As Long As The People You're Picking On Are Half Your Size.

Well, What About A Two-Story Adversary?

Does That Make You A Little Nervous?

C'mon, Knock It Off!

I Thought We Were Gonna Have A Party.

You Mean You're Not Having Fun?

I Am.

Ryan, I'm Afraid For You, The Party's Over!

Oooh!

Sorry You Have To Leave So Soon.

And Don't Come Back!

Oh. And, Ryan, If You Ever Feel Like Coming After My Ben Again,

Know This-- He May End Up At The Doctor,

But It's You Who's Gonna Get A House Call!

Get Off Me!

All Right, Kids, Back To The Party.

Thanks.

Ticket, Sir?

That Was So Much Fun--

Drinks In One Place, Dinner In Another.

Now, On To A Whole New Adventure Called Dessert.

Pick Anywhere You Like,

As Long As I Can Get Something Chocolate.

Hold On. Hold On.

Are You Ready For This?

Your Wish Is My Command.

Really?

Really.

What Are You Laughing At?

Ok. I'm A Little Rusty.

Oh, No, No, No.

Oh, I'm Sorry. It's Not You. It's Me.

I'm So Astounded How Pathetic I Am.

No, No. I'm Out On A Great Date.

I'm Kissing A Beautiful Woman,

And My Paternal, One-Track Brain Goes Kiss--

Bedtime Kiss-- Kids-- Home--

And Bam, All I'm Thinking About Is Ben And Angie

And How They're Doing And--

Do You Want To Give Them A Call?

Yes And... No!

No. What's The Point, Right?

Pat's With Them. I'm Sure She Has Everything Under Control....

And... Where Were We? What Were We Talking About?

Chocolate.

Or... Kisses.

♪ Jump, Jump, The House Is Jumpin' ♪

♪ Jump, Jump ♪

♪ The House Is Jumpin' ♪

♪ Jump, Jump, The House Is Jumpin' ♪

♪ Jump, Jump ♪

♪ The House Is Jumpin' ♪

♪ You Say You Want To Move ♪

♪ Get On The Right Track ♪

♪ First, You Gotta Jump In ♪

♪ Then You Gotta Jump Back ♪

♪ C'mon, C'mon And Join The House Line ♪

♪ Let's Party On Down, Gonna Make Some Time ♪

♪ Jump, Jump, The House Is Jumpin' ♪

♪ Uh-Huh, That's Right ♪

♪ Jump, Jump ♪

♪ The House Is Jumpin' ♪

I Hate To Smash Your Pumpkin, Cinderella,

But It's 10:23!

Hey. Thanks For The Time. How About The Weather?

In Case All That Dancing Rattled Your Brain, Ace,

Dad The Dependable Said He'd Be Home At 10:30!

And What Time Is It Now?

Now? It's 10:24 And 40 Seconds!

♪ The House Is Jumpin' ♪

♪ Jump, Jump ♪

Thanks For The Fantastic Party, Ben.

Bye.

Let's Go, Romeo.

We've Got Major Work To Do.

We're Dead.

We're Dead And Buried.

Not Necessarily, Children.

Just Dump All The Debris On The Floor.

How's That Gonna Help?

Trust Me. Just Throw It All On The Floor.

Like This, Pat?

Perfect.

Floor Absorbers Activated.

Nice.

Ben? Angie?

Hurry!

Oh, Hi, Dad.

Hi.

Sorry We're Not In Our Pajamas Yet.

Pat Was Just Showing Us A Travelogue On Micronesia,

And I Guess We Just Fell Asleep.

So I Guess Everything Went Smoothly, Huh?

Oh, Yeah. Smooth As...

Uh-Oh.

...Silk.

It Undercuts My Trust In You Guys.

Makes Me Question Your Judgement.

The Party Was Pat's Idea, Dad.

We Didn't Even Know About It Until The Kids Started Showing Up.

And I Suppose It Was Pat's Idea To Send Out The Invitations?

Uh, I Did, Nick.

My Artificial Intelligence Capability

Tapped Into Ben's E-Mail Address Book.

You Did Say You Wished Ben Had More Fun In His Life.

Yes. Supervised Fun, Pat.

Responsible Fun. Fun That I'm Clued In On.

I'm Very Disappointed In All Three Of You,

But Especially You, Pat.

I Thought Your Purpose Was To Make My Life Easier.

I Can't Have You Become A Bad Influence On My Children.

I Need You To Knuckle Down And Get Back To Business.

It Shall Be Done, Nick.

From Now On, I Will Be The Most Responsible Maternal Figure In Town.

I Promise.

All Right. Go On. Get Out Of Here. Go To Bed.

Accessing Responsible Behavior.

If Nick Wants Me To Knuckle Down,

By Golly, I'll Knuckle Down.

Hey, Dad, Do You Think We Could Leave A Little Earlier Today?

I've Got Something I Want To Do Before School.

What? So You Can Make Kissy-Faces At Gwen Patroni?

Why Don't You Become One Of Those Nuns Who Takes The Vow Of Silence?

Gwen Patroni? Is This Someone I Should Know About?

Forget It, Ok?

When You Guys Decide You're Ready,

I'll Be Outside Shooting Hoops.

Ben, I Think You Forgot To Pull Up Your Shorts.

I Like 'Em Like This.

This Is How Everybody Else Wears 'Em.

They Look Silly.

They Look Perfect!

Oow!

Pull Up Your Shorts, Ben.

They Look Fine!

Oow!

Cut It Out, Pat!

Pull Up Your Shorts, Ben!

Oow!

There! You Happy?

I'll Make Sure A New Shipment Of Bats And Gloves

Is On The Truck This Afternoon.

Thanks For Your Understanding.

All Right. You Take Care, Lou. Bye.

Pat, Get Me Sara On The Line, Please.

You Haven't Gotten Much Work Done Yet Today.

Should You Really Be Wasting Time On Social Calls?

I'd Like To Speak To Sara, Pat.

Nick, I'm Gonna Have To Insist

That You At Least Get The Rockowitz Order Shipped First.

Fine. I'll Dial Her Myself.

Sorry, Nick.

All Right...

Sorry, Nick.

I Want You To Stop This Now!

Look. If I'm Knuckling Down,

We're All Knuckling Down.

Work First, Play Later.

Discussion Terminated!

All Right. I'll Go Along With This For Now.

The Ameba-- A One-Celled, Microscopic Animal--

He's Down That Way!

The Ameba Can Be Found In Most--

The Ameba--

I Surrender!

I'll Go Read A Book Instead.

That's My Girl.

Achooo!

Good Gosh! You Have A Temperature!

99.7-- Big Deal.

No Reason To Take Chances.

We Ought To Get You Right Into Bed. No Reason To Take Chances.

We Ought To Get You Right Into Bed.

But I'm Not Sick.

Don't Question Me, Young Lady.

Run Upstairs And I'll Deliver A Nice, Hot Bowl Of Chicken Soup.

I Said I Don't Want Soup.

Go Ahead And Have It.

It's Good For You.

And To Be Smart,

We Should Probably Keep You Home From School Tomorrow.

Dad! No.

Tomorrow's Our Field Trip To The Llama Farm.

Let's Just Wait And See How You're Feeling In The Morning.

And If Pat Says It's Ok For You To Go To School,

Then I Won't Argue.

That's Right. Pat Knows Best.

There You Go.

C'mon. Eat Your Soup.

Time For Lights-Out, Ben.

Just Let Me Finish These Last Few Pages.

Bedtime Is Bedtime.

Two Minutes, Pat. I've Got To See What Happens To Clown.

You're Really Not Being Fair, Pat.

Fair Is For Baseball Umpires.

My Job Is To Do What's Best For You.

All Right! You Win!

Dad, You've Got To Do Something.

Pat's Out Of Control.

She's Totally Wrecking Our Lives.

I Ate So Much Chicken Soup Last Night,

It Was Practically Coming Out Of My Nose.

Yeah, I Know.

Maybe I Can Get Sara Back Over To Check Pat Out.

Yeah. She's The One Who Created It.

Maybe She Can Get The Stupid House To Mellow Out.

Everything Checks Out Fine.

It May Just Be That Her Artificial Intelligent Sensors

Have Been Absorbing So Much Conflicting Input

That She's Just Having Trouble Sorting It All Out.

Welcome To Parenthood.

Any Way Of Modifying That?

Well, Tonight I'm Shutting The Entire System Down.

It May Do Pat A World Of Good

Just To Take A Rest.

Care To Join Us For Dinner?

Whoa...

Sure. Thanks.

How's It Going, Chef?

If We've Gotten This Far Without The Fire Department Showing Up,

I'd Say That We Are Making History.

Delicious.

The Tomato Wasn't Half Bad, Either.

The Most Colorful Salad In The World.

Everything Looks Incredible!

And Miracle Upon Miracles,

We Actually Managed To Do It The Old-Fashioned Way.

Yeah. Who Needs Pat Anyhow, Huh?

Who Needs Pat Anyhow?

Who Needs Pat Anyhow?

Who Needs Pat Anyhow?

System Shut-Down Override!

"Who Needs Pat Anyhow?"

Once You've Gotten All The Bugs Out Of The Smart House, Sara,

What Are You Gonna Do For Your Next Job?

Well, I'm Actually Deep Into Designing A Smart Office Building

With Virtual Secretaries And Automated Filing Systems

And An In-House Restaurant With Gourmet, Made-To-Order Meals.

Then Can You Make A Smart School?

I Want One That Does All The Learning For Us.

May I Be Excused, Please?

Wait. Don't You Want To Stick Around For Fresh-Baked Peach Cobbler?

No, Thanks.

Ben, I Asked Sara To Make It Specifically

Because I Know How Much You Love It.

No. I Loved Mom's Peach Cobbler. There's A Huge Difference.

Ben!

That's Ok.

No, It's Not Ok!

It Stinks! It Completely Stinks!

And You Know The Worst Thing About It?

People That Make Promises That They Don't Even Bother To Keep!

Excuse Me.

Go Away! I Don't Want To Talk About It!

Maybe We Need To Talk About It!

Why? You Don't Get It!

You Don't Even Know What Promise I'm Talking About.

You're Right! I Don't!

You Said You'd Never Love Anyone The Way You Loved Mom.

And You Promised You'd Never Let Anybody Ever Take Her Place.

And Nobody Can Or Wants To Take Your Mother's Place, Ben.

Hold On A Second! But, Dad--

When Exactly Did I Say All This?

The Night Aunt Ginny Moved Home.

You Mean Four Years Ago?

Yeah. Angie Was Asleep,

You Were Putting Me Into Bed And You Promised!

Now You're Down There Kissing Sara,

Acting Like Mom Never Even Existed.

Hey, Will You Try To Be Fair Here?

Why Should I?

Because You're Not The Only One Who Lost Someone, Ben!

Look. I Know How Much It Hurts.

And I Can Appreciate That It's Been Worse Than Ever For You Lately.

All The Changes That You Are Going Through,

The Way That You Have To Work So Hard

To Help Us Keep Our Lives Together.

None Of That Is Right.

It's Awful.

But What Are We Gonna Do About It, Ben?

Are We Gonna Crawl Into A Cave And Hide?

Are We Gonna Drop-Out? Are We Gonna Quit Living?

I'll Tell You What You're Not Gonna Do--

You're Never Gonna Disrespect Anyone

Like You Did Right Now Downstairs.

You Know Better Than That!

You Were Raised Better Than That!

Ben...

Just Because I Started Seeing Someone

Doesn't Mean That I'm Going To Forget Your Mother.

I Won't Do That.

I Can't Do That.

Ever.

I Couldn't Do That If I Tried.

Angie Doesn't Remember Mom Anymore.

Except For What She's Seen On Videos.

To Her, Mom's About As Real As Belle Or The Little Mermaid.

She Was So Little When It Happened, Ben.

She Wouldn't Care At All If You Married Sara.

She'd Be Happy.

Sara's A Wonderful Person.

I Know...

We Just Can't Let Mom Get Erased, Dad.

Come Here.

All Right, Buddy.

All Right.

Who'd Be Foolish Enough To Try And Replace Your Mother, Huh?

Virtual Projection Process Activated!

Unless We Act Now,

She Is Going To Become Part Of This Family, You Know?

I Don't Know. Maybe Dad Deserves A Little Happiness.

Pat?

Oooh! Pat!

You-You're Alive!

No More Or Less Than I Have Been.

I've Just Finally Reached My Full Potential.

Uh, I Gotta Get Sara!

Sara? She Wouldn't Know A Virtual Projection

From A Hologram.

That's Why We Must Keep Her From Being Too Serious About Nick.

Uh--Well--You Know, I Was--I Was Starting To Think

That Maybe She Might Be Good For Him.

You Know, For All Of Us.

Have You Lost Your Mind?

There's Only One Person Who Knows What You Three Need.

That's Me.

I Have Worked My Microchips Right Down Past The Silicone For You People.

And This Is How You Repay Me?

Pat, Take It Easy.

Easy? You Think I Wouldn't Rather Be Taking It Easy?

But, No! I'm Too Busy Keeping Up With The Coopers!

Slaving Away In A Hot Control Room,

Doing Homework, Throwing Parties,

Keeping Schedules,

Making Your Lives Perfect.

So You Can Bring Another Woman Into My Domain?

I Don't Think So, Mister.

I Am A Mother Like No Other.

And I Will Not Sit Back

And Allow Myself To Be Preempted!

Wait, Ben!

Dad! Sara!

It's Pat! She's Alive!

She Was In My Room Yelling About How We're Taking Her For Granted.

Slow Down. What Happened?

Hello. Pat. Logo Woman.

Yeah. She Was In My Room Barking About How We Don't Appreciate Her.

It's All Right, Son.

You Obviously Fell Asleep

And You Were Having A Nightmare.

I Wasn't Dreaming, Dad!

I'm Telling You She Was There.

To Explain To You What I've Been Trying To Tell You All Along, Nick--

Mother Knows Best!

What--What Is That Thing?

I Don't Know.

I Guess She Tapped Into A Virtual Projection Component

And Learned How To Create A Visual Embodiment.

I Thought You Said You Shut Down The System.

That's What's Scaring Me. I Did.

As Enjoyable As It's Been To Have You Here, Sara,

It Would Be Best For Everyone

If You Went Home Now.

I Can't Do That, Pat.

I Need To Reinstate The N65 Code

And Get You Back In Proper Working Order.

I'm In Fine Working Order.

I'm Simply Doing What You Created Me To Do--

Giving These People Exactly What They Need!

Pat!

Wait A Second!

Aaaaah!

Open The Door, Pat!

I'm Sorry. I Can't Do That, Nick.

Pat!

I Have To Do What I Believe Is Best.

Pat, I'm Gonna Delete You For This!

Let Me In!

Pat, Let Me In!

Pat, You Hear Me?

Angie, Sweetie, Wake Up.

Huh? What's Wrong?

Something's Happening With Pat. We've Got To Get Out Of Here.

Our House Is Having A Nervous Breakdown.

I Don't Understand Why You're Doing This, Pat!

To Protect You And Your Children.

The More I've Learned About Your World Outside My Walls,

The More I've Realized How Dangerous

And Unpredictable It Is.

Why Would Anyone Ever Want To Venture Out Into It?

We Can't Stay Here Forever.

Well, Why Not?

Haven't I Given You Everything You've Asked For?

We're Kids.

We Need Fresh Air And Exercise.

But I Can Give You Synthetic Fresh Air And Virtual Exercise.

We Still Need To Go To School.

Haven't You Heard About Home Schooling?

Yeah, But Not Where The Home's The One Doing The Schooling.

What About Friends?

Kids Can't Exist Without Their Friends.

Well, We Can Be Each Other's Best Friends.

You're Really Scaring Me, Pat.

Oh, Angie, You're Hurting My Feelings.

There's Nothing To Fear--

Mama's Here.

You're Not My Mom!

But I'd Like To Be If You'd Let Me.

Is There Something So Wrong With Needing To Be Needed?

What If Angie And I Need You At The Same Time?

That Is Virtually No Problem.

You See, The Beauty Of Us Is...

Unlike The Average Mother With Normal Limitations,

We Can Be In Two Places At Once.

Can Your Little Sara Do That?

I Don't Think So.

Not By Any Stretch Of The Imagination.

No, Miles, I'm Not Joking.

It's An Emergency!

I Need You To Get Over Here As Soon As You Can.

Wait! Wait!

And Stop By My Place And Pick Up A Few Things.

What?

Ah, First Of All, I Need The Schematics--

Yeah. For The House?

"Ben, I'll Never Try To Be Anything More Than A Friend To You.

"Tell Me How I Can Help.

Send S-O-S Care Of Smartsara.Com."

Doesn't This Place Have Some Kind Of Master Plug

We Can Just Pull?

I Never Expected Pat To Mutiny.

Every Power Source She Has Is Self-Contained

In The Control Room.

And She's Stocked With Enough Supplies

To Hold Those People Hostage For Months.

So What Are We Gonna Do?

I Don't Know.

What Are We Missing?

Ohhh!

"Sara, R U There? It's Ben."

It's Ben!

I Knew I Liked That Kid.

Oow! Oow!

Ok, Here Comes The Paper Boy.

Go!

Go!

Oow!

What Is It?

I Think I've Got Appendicitis, Dad.

Yeah, But Your Appendix Is Around Front.

That's What I Mean. Right Here.

Does That Hurt?

Oow!

Oow!

Oh, Yeah. I Got It!

I Got It. Ok.

Security Breech. Security Breech.

Shoot!

Security Breech.

Sara. What An Unpleasant Surprise.

How Did You Get Back In Here?

With Ben's Help.

He Brought Me In Because He Obviously Needed Me.

He Doesn't Need You.

He's Got Me.

To Be Honest, Pat,

All The Coopers Think You're Way Out Of Control.

I...

Won't...

Stand For This!

Ahhhh!

What's Happening, Dad?

I'm Not Sure, Honey.

Get Down!

Hold On!

I Can Be Everything You Need, Ben.

♪ Hush Little Baby, Don't Say A Word ♪

♪ Mama's Gonna Buy You A Mockingbird ♪

♪ If That Mockingbird Don't Sing ♪

♪ Mama's Gonna Buy You A Diamond Ring ♪

Stop It, Pat! I Hate You Like This!

Don't You Get It?

What Did You Say To Me, Young Man?

You Can't Be Our Mother, Pat.

You're Not Real.

So?

When You Started Freaking Out,

Did You See What Dad And Sara Did For Me And Angie?

They Covered Us. They Protected Us.

They Held On To Us.

You Can't Do That, Pat.

You Can Never Do That.

No Matter What.

You Didn't Even Feel That, Did You?

Not At All.

Pat's Crying.

I Will Miss You All

Very Much.

I Know You Never Meant For Things To Get So Out Of Control,

But I Really Hope You Learned A Lesson.

Believe Me, Dad, The Last Thing

I'm Ever Going To Do Again Is Mess With Pat.

I Turned Her Into A Maniac.

Well, At Least We Have Sara

To Get Everything Back On Track.

Yeah.

She's Pretty Cool, Isn't She?

Almost As Cool As My Son.

Cooper Checks Out The Defender,

Goes To Shoot It,

Ohhh!

Ben, By Rotating Your Hips 27 Degrees To The Right,

And Applying More Lefthanded Push,

You Will Greatly Increase Your Chances

Of Successfully Placing The Ball Into The Hoop.

Thanks A Lot, Pat. I'll Give It A Try.

That Was Sweet. Thanks, Pat.

Hey, Sara.

Good Morning.

Your Dad Invited Me Over For Breakfast.

Cool. Let's Go Inside And See What He's Whippin' Up.

All Righty.

So Ben Tells Me That Pat's Behaving.

Pat Has Been Serving Us Without Interfering.

What More Could You Possibly Ask For?

Nick, This Looks Delicious.

And I Did It All By Myself

Without The Help Of Ben Or Pat.

Our Little Daddy's Growing Up.

Hey, I Didn't Know These Were Chocolate Chip Waffles.

My Favorite.

Hey, Wait A Minute.

I Didn't Put Any Chocolate Chips In Here.

Young Lady?

Don't Look At Me.

Well, Your Brother Was Outside.

Who Else Could Have Done It?

Uh, Let Me Take A Wild Guess.

♪ Jump, Jump, The House Is Jumpin' ♪

♪ Jump, Jump ♪

♪ The House Is Jumpin' ♪

♪ Jump, Jump, The House Is Jumpin' ♪

♪ Jump, Jump ♪

♪ The House Is Jumpin' ♪

♪ You Say You Wanna Move ♪

♪ Get On The Right Track ♪

♪ First You Gotta Jump In ♪

♪ Then You Gotta Jump Back ♪

♪ C'mon, C'mon And Join The House Line ♪

♪ Let's Party On Down, Gonna Make Some Time ♪

♪ Jump, Jump, The House Is Jumpin' ♪

♪ Jump, Jump ♪

♪ The House Is Jumpin' ♪

♪ Jump, Jump, The House Is Jumpin' ♪

♪ Jump, Jump ♪

♪ The House Is Jumpin' ♪

♪ Jump, Jump, The House Is Jumpin' ♪♪