Original subtitles

Darphus gave them your demands -

just enough crops to feed our men, only the buildings needed to quarter them.

- Their answer? - They've decided to defend themselves.

Stupid. We'll give them the night to reconsider.

Give them nothing. I say we attack now, wipe them all out.

Let the gods sort out the women and children.

We are warriors, not barbarians.

Cretus, you made it clear that anyone who raises a sword against us will die.

They've rather die defending the fruits of their labour than give it to renegades.

Then tomorrow they'll get their wish.

Oh.

Wonderful, Ipicles. Absolutely wonderful.

It's a four-star meal for sure.

Why four stars?

That's just a manner of speaking.

It's something I picked up from an epicurean friend of mine.

Well, why not five stars? Or a constellation of stars?

A constellation it is.

Hercules?

- Iloran! - Hello, cousin. It's been too long.

It must be five years.

Come. Sit down.

- How have you been? - Good.

Look, we got big problems in the Parthian province.

- What sort of problems? - Marauders. And they're merciless.

Last week they attacked a village near us. Killed every last man.

Look here.

On my way here I found out that six more villages

have been destroyed in the last month.

They're intent on overrunning the peninsula.

And Parthus, my mother's village, will be right in their path.

Then we don't have any time to waste.

No word?

- Their activity has been to fortify. - We should've attacked yesterday.

It won't affect the outcome. Only make it more interesting.

- Let's go! - WARRIORS: Yah!

Yah!

( War Cry )

- XENA: Surrender or die! - Never!

No! Have mercy!

There she is! Kill her!

- Destroy the witch! - Destroy her!

This is the story of a time long ago.

A time of myth and legend,

when the ancient gods were petty and cruel,

and they plagued mankind with suffering.

Only one man dared to challenge their power-Hercules.

Hercules possessed a strength the world had never seen,

a strength surpassed only by the power of his heart.

He journeyed the earth, battling the minions of wicked stepmother, Hera,

the all-powerful queen of the gods.

But wherever there was evil, wherever an innocent would suffer,

there would be Hercules.

A fine attack!

Victory!

Long live Xena!

I'm a modest woman. Please don't touch me there.

Look at what we found hiding in the feed bin.

Ow! Ow!

- Well, what have we got here? - No, no.

I work in the circus.

Please don't kill me! Please! I beg you!

Give me one good reason.

It would be very unpleasant for me.

We haven't even been introduced.

- My mother will cry? - Take him away.

Wait a minute! I'm not even supposed to be here!

I'm a salesman! I can get you a great deal on clay dinnerware.

- I got this walnut utensil... - Kill him!

You're very quick with the "kill him". Wait!

I know people in high places!

- I know Hercules! - What do you know about Hercules?

- He knows nothing! - I do too! I... We...

I'm his best friend.

We're like this.

Well, not like that. Kinda like...

- It's platonic. We're like that. - Come here, little man.

- You amuse me. - Amusing? You like amusing?

Guy goes into a bar with a duck. Owner says "What are you doing with that pig?"

Cease! I'll let you know when I wanna be amused again.

Bring him along.

Leave it. It becomes you.

Right! Certainly. You've got excellent taste.

I can't believe it's been five years since I've seen you.

Why does it have to take bad news to bring us together?

You're not the easiest person to get hold of.

Yeah, I guess you're... right.

GIRL: Mommy? Where's Daddy?

Who did this?

Marauders. Renegades.

Did you see their leader?

She was like a demon from Hades.

A woman.

- Do you know who did this? - I've got an idea.

That meat is for warriors.

Um... uh...

There's more than one way to wage a war.

XENA: Oh?

Tell me about it.

Well...

An army such as yours, with such a beautiful leader like you,

you need publicity, public relations.

Ha!

I prefer my relations to be private.

You need to trumpet your victories.

But you don't wanna seem overbearing of merciless.

You need a theme song. Wait a second.

# Xena, coming to your town #

# Xena, don't you wear a frown #

Don't talk about destruction. Talk about collateral damage.

Be like a tax collector. Tell people you're doing it for their own good.

You know, for such a wretched little man, you are mildly entertaining.

Tell me more.

OK. Can I just...? Yeah. Always address your troops from your right side.

It's your best side. You've got beautiful eyes. You've got great cheek structure.

Smile more. Show off your cheeks. Ah.

Uh-huh.

- Don't stop amusing me. - No, your Highness, your Worship...

What is your titular? How do you like to be undressed? Addresses? Hm?

- Any sign of trouble? - Not that I can see.

We're making good time. I can see the hills of Parthian province.

Also, I think we're being followed.

I know. I saw him by the river.

- DARPHUS: I say we go here. - The western villages?

Lightly defended, we wipe them from the map. An easy victory.

- Easy victories make for weak soldiers. - As long as the men get what they want.

I don't want soldiers following me out of greed. I demand loyalty.

Loyalty, greed, fear. What does to matter? As long as they obey orders.

It matters to me.

Maybe one day we'll find out whose strategy is best, yours or mine.

I'll go north with my scouts. I'll see for myself.

And when I return, we attack.

Still no sign of Xena and the scouts?

The men are ready for a night attack. I don't wanna lose the element of surprise.

- I won't wait any longer. - Excuse me.

Wouldn't Xena be upset if you don't wait?

You know, little man, you don't amuse me at all.

( Chuckles )

We go now. I don't wanna see a living thing when you're through.

- Not a man, woman or child. - Don't you think Xena...?

Forget Xena! I want that village destroyed!

The men can take what they want.

Yes, sir.

WARRIOR: Attack!

( Yelling )

( Woman Screams )

( Warrior Laughs )

- What have you done? - A message to those who defy us.

You killed women and children?

If this doesn't strike fear into the hearts of the northern villages, nothing will.

You're a butcher. Your disobedience will not go unpunished!

- I expected as much. - ( Baby Crying )

- I thought I killed them both. - Kill it!

Stop! You kill this baby, you die next.

Contrary to what some might think, I still lead this army.

( Iloran Whistling )

Looking for me?

We can do this the easy way,

or we can go back to that village you destroyed,

let the orphans and widows decide what to do with you.

- Women and children don't scare me. - Don't they?

Who commands you barbarians? A woman, isn't it?

- We're not barbarians. We're soldiers. - Soldiers.

Killing unarmed people. That qualifies you as a soldier, doesn't it?

So where is your leader - Xena?

When she finds out I'm missing, she'll have you for breakfast.

Where is she?

It doesn't matter. You're too late, anyway.

( Yells )

Get out of my sight.

I wouldn't.

( Whispers ) Murderers.

No one's alive. Not even a child.

- They killed children? - They killed everyone.

Women, children, babies.

I swear by my mother... this won't happen again.

What are you doing here?

You need help taking care of the baby. I found this shepherdess.

I've got no intention of taking care of him. I merely saved him.

No, of course not. If you had any maternal instinct, you wouldn't...

Not that you don't have maternal instinct, but with all the fighting...

I have some milk for the baby.

( Baby Whimpers )

Oh, proud warrioress?

- Can I talk to you for a moment? - About what?

It's Darphus.

He scares me.

Everyone scares you.

Very observant. But in this case I don't think he's exactly in your corner either.

His insubordination.

That, and he's been stirring up the men about saving the baby.

I've got no reason to doubt my soldiers' loyalty.

- And I'll deal with Darphus. - I'm sure.

But the best course of action, given that you and Darphus are at odds...

I don't run from my problems. I confront them!

And I'll deal with Darphus!

Excellent choice. It was just a thought. Thank you.

You defied me.

You wanted the village destroyed, we destroyed it.

I didn't order you to burn it or to slaughter every living thing.

- I gave you my reasons. - I'm relieving you of your command.

My men won't allow that.

Yes, my men.

You're the one who's stepping down.

And you'll leave the only way a warrior can.

The gauntlet?

There's not a man here who'll raise a hand against me.

Take off her armour.

( Chuckles )

I'll bury you and your new leader.

Can she really make it through that?

No one ever has.

Begin!

( War Cry )

Go, Xena, go!

( Chuckles )

She survived.

Kill her!

- But she made it through. - Good for her. Now finish it!

She fought be the rules.

I won't cross that line.

Enjoy your exile.

- How about a break? - We'll rest when we find them.

We won't be in any shape to fight if we don't stop.

When we find 'em.

Come on.

You'll be all right.

Stay here.

Who are you?

Who are you? Why are you attacking us?

( Yells )

Go on, kill me. I have nothing to live for any more.

- Who are you? - Spiros. You killed my wife and son.

I'm Hercules, and I didn't kill anyone.

Hercules? But I saw you looting the bodies in the village.

We were burying them.

They were already dead when we got there.

My wife and child were in that village.

You have my sympathy.

Come on. Let's see how much damage you've done to my cousin.

You'll live.

Thanks.

SPIROS: I should never have left.

I should never have left.

Why did you?

No one wanted to leave their families.

But we knew someone had to go for help, so we drew straws.

I drew the short one.

You shouldn't feel guilty. You did what you could.

But everyone I loved, they're gone now. Dead.

I once lost my family, too.

Then you'll know there's nothing you can say that'll make me feel better.

Yeah.

We will find Xena and her army. I promise you.

I can be your scout.

I know this countryside well.

Done.

All right. All right, you're safe, You found some armour.

You don't know where you're going, but you're making really good time.

Let's hear it for me! Hip, hip, hooray!

( Baby Crying )

I can take care of myself!

One of your men came here looking for you today.

- I have no men. - He was a scout named Deros.

What did he want?

He said he needed to warn you that Hercules was on your trail.

Hercules?

MAN: Please, somebody help me if you can hear me! Help me!

Please, somebody help me!

- Salmoneus? - Hercules?

It's nothing, just someone hanging upside down. Come on.

- You can't leave me like this! - I know, I know.

- You know him? - Unfortunately.

Does he know me? I fought a Cyclops with this guy! And a lunatic centaur.

What about the 50 randy daughters?

- Can we reminisce some other time? - I had to help the big guy out.

Yeah. I should know better than to ask, but how did you get up there?

I have no idea. I was escaping this band of murderous thugs,

led bu this fierce, beautiful woman with...

- You were with Xena? - You know her?

Yes, I do.

They humiliated me. They starved me. They took my kitchenware.

- Salmoneus... - Got this great utensil, cracks a walnut.

- Salmoneus. - Protects the nut.

- Salmoneus! - Yes.

- Just tell me where they are. - On their way to Parthus.

And if it's anything like the last time, there won't be any Parthus left!

- Let's go. - What about my cookware?

- So, the great Hercules is on our trail. - Maybe it's time to change our plans.

- No! - But Hercules...

Can be defeated like any other man!

He doesn't know we know he's on our track. That gives us an edge.

Here. Outside Parthus where the road splits. That's where we spring out trap.

- Suppose he's waiting... - We'll crush him like a bug!

Can we take a break? I'm hungry. I don't know how I get myself in these messes.

- Try staying away from killers like Xena. - I wasn't with her by choice!

- She's not as evil as you think. - She only kills people for sport.

She allows them to surrender before massacring 'em.

- She's all heart. - She's got some heart.

She's not into that scorched earth policy like Darphus.

You're serious, that she's not a cold-hearted, evil bitch?

Compared with Darphus, she looks like the goddess of love and light.

Who is Darphus?

ILORAN: Hercules!

Looks like we'll get the chance to see which one of us is right.

- Hello, Xena. - Hello, Hercules.

Looks like you're losing your touch!

Your scout would never make it in my army.

You're right. He's not a baby-killer.

Don't spoil it by bringing your friends into it.

No, Xena. I think I can handle this one on my own.

We've been down this road before.

Last time you almost cost me a friendship.

This time it'll cost you a life!

Xena, why are you doing this?

If I bring the head of Hercules, I can get back my army!

To murder more women and children?

That was not my idea! I never murdered women and children!

You shouldn't be fighting each other! Darphus is the enemy!

You should be on the same side fighting him!

On second thought, maybe you should work it out between you.

( War Cry )

( War Cry )

- XENA: I've got you now, Hercules! - SAL: Xena!

( Chuckles )

Come on, come on. Let's go.

Go on, finish it. Prove you're the greatest warrior.

Killing isn't the only way of proving you're a warrior, Xena.

- I think you know that. - What do you intend to do?

We're going after your army. Why don't you join us?

No.

Coward! You can make war on a defenceless village,

kill women and children but you can't fight a worthy opponent.

Let her go. She has a fight of her own to deal with.

Over here!

- SPIROS: More tracks. - They tried to cover them up.

Looks like a larger body of troops went that way.

Let's go.

Let's wipe 'em out. We can handle them.

No. That's what they expect us to do.

- That's their surprise. - ILORAN: An ambush for us.

So what do we do?

We even the odds. And we get to Parthus before they do.

Even the odds?

ILORAN: This way, goat-breath!

- We've been ambushed. - But how? Hercules was never here.

He was here, all right! Fools! He's long gone now.

But where?

Parthus.

- Women and children evacuated. - And old men and boys.

- We should have kept some. - They're no match for that army.

- And we are? Four of us? - The villagers cooked up some surprises.

What happends when the surprises run out?

Looks like we'll find out soon enough. You better get to your post.

WARRIOR: Ready! Attack!

( Yelling )

( War Cry )

I can't believe it. She's come back.

That bracelet belonged to my wife!

- Let's get out of here! - DARPHUS: Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight!

I'm glad you came back.

I had to. They weren't true warriors. They had to be stopped.

Is it over now? All of it?

Yes, it is.

SAL: Well, I'm not making any promises.

What is it?

Salmoneus told me that Xena saved a baby boy at my village.

Is that true?

Was he...?

Did he have a birthmark on his left leg?

That's my son.

Oh, gods above, thank you. I don't know how to...

- Suppose I don't wanna give him up. - What do you mean?

I put my life on the line for him. Would you?

Yes, and I'll fight you if I have to.

- You'd lose. - It doesn't matter. He's my blood.

Xena, why are you doing this?

You've shown me all I need to know. Just raise your son to be as brave as you.

Salmoneus will take you to him.

You sure you don't wanna join us?

For old times' sake? I just don't want to fall into any more traps.

I'm not sure how many people could stand the sight of you upside down.

( Sal Clears Throat )

- I happen to think I have nice legs. - Salmoneus, Spiros will keep you safe.

Thank you, cousin.

You're welcome. Let's not wait five years to see each other again.

Not a chance.

Take care.

So... what now?

What do you say we go find out together?

Yeah.

- Feeling better? - Who are you?

Call me an emissary of Ares.

Ares, the god of war.

What does he want with me?

He wants to give you your revenge against Xena.

But first you must do something for him.

You must kill Hercules.

Hercules? How? He destroyed my army.

You'll need help. More help than any army can give you.

This beast can give you that help.

Under your control, it can destroy Hercules once and for all.