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All language subtitles for Breaking.Barbi.2019.720p.WEBRip.800MB.x264-GalaxyRG-HI

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,756 --> 00:00:03,755 (shining music) 2 00:00:09,297 --> 00:00:12,198 (sonic whooshing) 3 00:00:13,201 --> 00:00:15,000 (zapping) 4 00:00:18,739 --> 00:00:22,574 ("Dirty Pitch" by Shadowkey) 5 00:01:01,415 --> 00:01:06,486 (crashing) (camera clicking) 6 00:01:14,129 --> 00:01:16,662 (woman screams) 7 00:01:22,804 --> 00:01:25,603 (bear roaring) 8 00:01:27,442 --> 00:01:29,319 - [Barbi Voiceover] In case you were wondering 9 00:01:29,418 --> 00:01:31,135 how I wound up in this farcical situation, 10 00:01:32,447 --> 00:01:33,563 let me catch you up. 11 00:01:33,664 --> 00:01:37,584 ("Fashion Models" by Antracto) 12 00:01:40,889 --> 00:01:43,640 My name is Barbra Dolly Brennan. 13 00:01:43,740 --> 00:01:47,444 My parents named me after Barbra Streisand and Dolly Parton, 14 00:01:47,545 --> 00:01:50,347 their favorite singers. 15 00:01:50,447 --> 00:01:53,250 I'm a cosplayer, model, blogger, and fitness goddess. 16 00:01:53,349 --> 00:01:54,585 What is that, you ask? 17 00:01:54,685 --> 00:01:56,520 What are you, a hermit? 18 00:01:56,620 --> 00:01:59,622 It means I spend my days doing selfies, posing, 19 00:01:59,722 --> 00:02:04,260 and doing endless videos of my ass doing squats. 20 00:02:04,361 --> 00:02:05,361 Endless squats. 21 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:06,563 Hundreds of squats. 22 00:02:06,664 --> 00:02:08,431 Thousands of squats. 23 00:02:08,532 --> 00:02:11,102 You can find me at Breaking underscore Barbi. 24 00:02:11,201 --> 00:02:15,739 Sounds easy but it's actually really hard. 25 00:02:15,838 --> 00:02:17,441 It means that anything I do 26 00:02:17,540 --> 00:02:20,478 suddenly turns into a photo shoot, a video opp, 27 00:02:20,578 --> 00:02:22,545 or an opportunity for a collab. 28 00:02:22,646 --> 00:02:26,650 This type of work comes with a major downside, 29 00:02:26,750 --> 00:02:27,750 meeting a nice guy. 30 00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:30,153 You have to be choosy, you know. 31 00:02:30,253 --> 00:02:32,889 I mean, like, what if I'm seen with a guy 32 00:02:32,990 --> 00:02:36,593 that doesn't even have at least 10,000 followers? 33 00:02:36,694 --> 00:02:38,662 That would be unthinkable. 34 00:02:38,762 --> 00:02:40,396 I have my reputation. 35 00:02:40,497 --> 00:02:42,800 And then I met Jake. 36 00:02:42,900 --> 00:02:45,585 250,000 followers. 37 00:02:46,621 --> 00:02:47,638 - Plenty of water. 38 00:02:47,737 --> 00:02:48,906 (Barbi moans) 39 00:02:49,006 --> 00:02:51,641 Got the first aid kit in case of any emergency. 40 00:02:51,741 --> 00:02:53,175 Got bandages. - OMG, he is 41 00:02:53,276 --> 00:02:54,711 so fire. - Ointment, wet wipes. 42 00:02:54,811 --> 00:02:56,567 Food rations. - I wonder how many hash tags 43 00:02:56,668 --> 00:02:57,829 I can fit into this post. 44 00:02:59,533 --> 00:03:00,884 - Sunscreen. 45 00:03:00,985 --> 00:03:02,385 Lip ointment. 46 00:03:02,485 --> 00:03:03,920 Antibacterial gel. 47 00:03:04,020 --> 00:03:05,622 Flashlight. 48 00:03:05,723 --> 00:03:07,878 - [Barbi Voiceover] He asked me to go hiking with him 49 00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:08,978 on our first date. 50 00:03:09,078 --> 00:03:12,611 ("Dirty Pitch" by Shadowkey) 51 00:03:13,514 --> 00:03:14,514 I just can't even. 52 00:03:42,811 --> 00:03:44,461 - Antibacterial gel. 53 00:03:44,561 --> 00:03:45,596 Flashlight. 54 00:03:45,695 --> 00:03:46,695 Compass. 55 00:03:51,418 --> 00:03:52,451 Extra battery. 56 00:03:53,555 --> 00:03:54,771 Security blanket. 57 00:03:54,872 --> 00:03:56,674 - He's so into this! - Rope and tackle. 58 00:03:56,774 --> 00:03:58,292 - [Barbi Voiceover] Look at all those 59 00:03:58,391 --> 00:03:59,391 cute things he brought. 60 00:03:59,490 --> 00:04:02,246 - And most importantly, a radio and GPS tracker 61 00:04:02,346 --> 00:04:03,514 so we can't get lost 62 00:04:03,614 --> 00:04:05,611 and we can call for help in case of an emergency. 63 00:04:05,711 --> 00:04:07,429 - [Barbi Voiceover] I totes need a selfie. 64 00:04:07,528 --> 00:04:08,528 Oh, like right now. 65 00:04:08,627 --> 00:04:09,627 - Selfie. 66 00:04:11,372 --> 00:04:12,590 - My turn. - Jessica will be 67 00:04:12,689 --> 00:04:14,530 totally jelly when she sees me with this guy. 68 00:04:16,411 --> 00:04:18,007 - All right, I think that's everything. 69 00:04:18,108 --> 00:04:19,108 You ready? 70 00:04:19,206 --> 00:04:20,925 - [Barbi Voiceover] You better believe it. 71 00:04:21,024 --> 00:04:22,024 - Yep. 72 00:04:22,124 --> 00:04:23,242 - You wanna do a last check? 73 00:04:23,341 --> 00:04:24,819 We're gonna be up there for a while. 74 00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:26,716 - [Barbi Voiceover] I have everything I need 75 00:04:26,817 --> 00:04:27,817 right here, baby. 76 00:04:27,915 --> 00:04:28,915 Don't need this. 77 00:04:29,014 --> 00:04:31,324 Lip gloss, headset, mud mask. 78 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:34,761 And a little something for the hot tub. 79 00:04:40,334 --> 00:04:41,334 - I'm good. 80 00:04:41,433 --> 00:04:43,536 - All right, let's do this. 81 00:04:45,874 --> 00:04:50,326 ("Upbeat Summer Pop" by Borksford) 82 00:04:50,427 --> 00:04:52,879 - [Jake Voiceover] Did I tell her how cute she looks? 83 00:04:54,415 --> 00:04:57,668 - Hey, can I, can I put my keys on you? 84 00:04:57,768 --> 00:04:58,918 - Yeah, sure. 85 00:05:01,990 --> 00:05:05,341 (key chain squeaks) 86 00:05:05,442 --> 00:05:07,841 (Jake sighs) 87 00:05:16,771 --> 00:05:19,872 (camera clicking) 88 00:05:28,350 --> 00:05:29,867 I'm glad you swiped right. 89 00:05:29,966 --> 00:05:33,569 It's really hard to find girls that like to free-climb. 90 00:05:33,670 --> 00:05:35,865 - [Barbi Voiceover] What the hell is he talking about? 91 00:05:35,966 --> 00:05:38,742 Oh, my profile. 92 00:05:38,841 --> 00:05:41,745 I thought free-climbing was some sort of sex thing. 93 00:05:41,845 --> 00:05:43,781 Well, when the app asked for what level, 94 00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:46,016 I obviously wrote expert. 95 00:05:46,115 --> 00:05:47,115 Gosh. 96 00:05:53,375 --> 00:05:54,375 - Oh. 97 00:05:55,543 --> 00:05:57,761 This is pretty hardcore, even for me. 98 00:05:57,860 --> 00:05:59,629 - [Barbi Voiceover] Wait, is he serious? 99 00:05:59,730 --> 00:06:01,607 I thought we were gonna take some cute selfies 100 00:06:01,706 --> 00:06:02,749 and go back to his place. 101 00:06:03,951 --> 00:06:05,918 - We could've started with something simpler, 102 00:06:06,019 --> 00:06:08,418 but I mean, I'm sure at your level this is a piece of cake. 103 00:06:08,990 --> 00:06:10,507 - [Barbi Voiceover] Way to go, Barbs. 104 00:06:10,606 --> 00:06:11,964 You're gonna get yourself killed. 105 00:06:13,127 --> 00:06:15,446 (bird screeches) 106 00:06:15,545 --> 00:06:16,862 Was that a pterodactyl? 107 00:06:17,865 --> 00:06:19,850 OMG, I'm so gonna die. 108 00:06:19,949 --> 00:06:22,052 I mean, anything can happen out there. 109 00:06:22,151 --> 00:06:23,870 I can be eaten by a bear, fall of a cliff, 110 00:06:23,970 --> 00:06:27,072 butt-raped by aliens, dragged away by wolves, anything! 111 00:06:27,908 --> 00:06:29,125 - Let's go. 112 00:06:29,225 --> 00:06:31,146 - [Barbi Voiceover] And I just got these shoes. 113 00:06:32,646 --> 00:06:34,579 Ugh, just look at that butt. 114 00:06:35,716 --> 00:06:38,016 He definitely doesn't skip leg day. 115 00:06:41,622 --> 00:06:42,889 Totally worth it. 116 00:06:43,792 --> 00:06:44,792 - No sweat. 117 00:06:44,891 --> 00:06:47,810 - [Barbi Voiceover] I hope he eats pineapple. 118 00:06:47,911 --> 00:06:52,932 ("Energetic Tropical Pop" by KakaduCreation) 119 00:07:12,687 --> 00:07:16,572 - [Jake Voiceover] Aw, that's so sweet. 120 00:07:16,673 --> 00:07:18,658 She's going slow and waiting for me. 121 00:07:20,461 --> 00:07:22,127 - [Barbi Voiceover] Aw, he's so sweet. 122 00:07:29,637 --> 00:07:31,521 OMG, it is pineapple! 123 00:07:31,622 --> 00:07:32,622 Mm! 124 00:07:44,084 --> 00:07:45,922 - [Jake Voiceover] I can't wait to invite her 125 00:07:46,021 --> 00:07:47,021 to my mansion in Hawaii. 126 00:07:47,588 --> 00:07:49,146 - [Barbi Voiceover] This isn't so bad, 127 00:07:49,245 --> 00:07:51,975 but I could totally go for a latte right now. 128 00:07:52,074 --> 00:07:54,031 - [Jake Voiceover] You know, I'm gonna slow down 129 00:07:54,132 --> 00:07:55,512 and let her get ahead of me, 130 00:07:55,612 --> 00:07:57,230 so if she falls I can catch her. 131 00:08:01,769 --> 00:08:04,170 Everything about her is perfect. 132 00:08:05,740 --> 00:08:07,976 - [Barbi Voiceover] I hope there's a Starbucks up there 133 00:08:08,076 --> 00:08:09,076 or something. 134 00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:14,476 - [Jake Voiceover] I can see myself spending 135 00:08:14,576 --> 00:08:16,682 the rest of my life with this girl. 136 00:08:24,858 --> 00:08:26,709 (thudding) 137 00:08:26,810 --> 00:08:30,062 - [Barbi Voiceover] Phew, almost at the top. (body thuds) 138 00:08:34,034 --> 00:08:36,067 Sure hope we're not going down that way. 139 00:08:37,938 --> 00:08:38,938 - Whew! 140 00:08:42,976 --> 00:08:45,878 (camera clicking) 141 00:08:54,822 --> 00:08:55,822 Jake? 142 00:08:56,990 --> 00:08:59,009 There's no signal up here. 143 00:08:59,109 --> 00:09:00,109 Jake? 144 00:09:02,864 --> 00:09:03,864 Jake? 145 00:09:08,135 --> 00:09:09,135 Jake? 146 00:09:09,235 --> 00:09:10,434 What are you doing down there? 147 00:09:17,812 --> 00:09:20,178 (Jake laughs) 148 00:09:25,052 --> 00:09:27,919 Ugh, there's no signal up here! 149 00:09:29,157 --> 00:09:30,157 Ugh. 150 00:09:32,293 --> 00:09:34,544 - [Barbi Voiceover] Maybe there's some signal, 151 00:09:34,644 --> 00:09:37,129 mm, over here. 152 00:09:37,966 --> 00:09:40,265 (Barbi hums) 153 00:09:47,709 --> 00:09:51,061 (rock rumbling) - Whoa! 154 00:09:51,161 --> 00:09:54,965 (squishy crashing) (Jake screams) 155 00:09:55,065 --> 00:09:56,065 Jake? 156 00:09:59,354 --> 00:10:00,354 Are you okay? 157 00:10:01,623 --> 00:10:04,190 (Jake groans) 158 00:10:17,337 --> 00:10:18,721 - [Barbi Voiceover] O! 159 00:10:18,822 --> 00:10:19,822 O! 160 00:10:20,157 --> 00:10:21,157 M! 161 00:10:21,857 --> 00:10:22,857 M! 162 00:10:23,259 --> 00:10:24,259 G! 163 00:10:24,794 --> 00:10:25,794 G! 164 00:10:25,961 --> 00:10:28,648 (voice echoing) 165 00:10:33,888 --> 00:10:36,873 Did I just kill the hottest guy ever? 166 00:10:36,972 --> 00:10:38,130 I didn't know about the rock. 167 00:10:38,230 --> 00:10:39,709 I mean, I didn't put the rock there. 168 00:10:39,808 --> 00:10:41,167 The rock, who put the rock there? 169 00:10:41,267 --> 00:10:42,465 Like, Mother Nature and stuff. 170 00:10:42,565 --> 00:10:43,565 It's not my fault. 171 00:10:43,663 --> 00:10:44,663 I didn't do it. 172 00:10:44,763 --> 00:10:45,763 It's not me. 173 00:10:45,861 --> 00:10:46,861 I would never do that. 174 00:10:46,961 --> 00:10:48,701 (airplane whooshing) 175 00:10:49,971 --> 00:10:52,672 (laser zapping) 176 00:10:54,075 --> 00:10:55,192 (explosion booming) 177 00:10:55,292 --> 00:10:59,278 ("Heroic Blockbuster" by WolfSound) 178 00:11:03,250 --> 00:11:05,001 Now I'm totally lost. 179 00:11:05,101 --> 00:11:08,205 No signal, no date, no food, no water. 180 00:11:08,304 --> 00:11:11,724 Didn't see this bag of dicks coming straight at my face. 181 00:11:13,226 --> 00:11:15,011 This is insane! 182 00:11:15,111 --> 00:11:18,014 I can't believe I'm out here. 183 00:11:18,114 --> 00:11:21,066 And the worst part is I can't upload these amazing selfies. 184 00:11:22,403 --> 00:11:26,023 Why don't they put cell towers out here or something? 185 00:11:26,123 --> 00:11:29,058 Ugh, ugh, like, no signal anywhere. 186 00:11:29,158 --> 00:11:32,294 ("Summer Party" by MrRevant) 187 00:11:32,394 --> 00:11:34,364 I mean, if you're gonna be banished up here, 188 00:11:34,463 --> 00:11:37,167 you're gonna wind up dead anyway soon, right? 189 00:11:37,267 --> 00:11:38,267 Figures. 190 00:11:42,490 --> 00:11:45,290 I bet all my friends are worried sick about me. 191 00:11:48,196 --> 00:11:49,196 It's not bad. 192 00:11:49,294 --> 00:11:51,114 It could be worse, right? 193 00:11:51,213 --> 00:11:53,432 I mean, like, I'm getting back to nature. 194 00:11:55,102 --> 00:11:57,336 I'm becoming like zen and stuff. 195 00:11:58,505 --> 00:12:02,307 Ugh, my feet are killing me. 196 00:12:04,111 --> 00:12:06,163 Wow, this is a great location for squat videos. 197 00:12:06,263 --> 00:12:07,697 I mean, look at this place. 198 00:12:07,798 --> 00:12:10,249 I can totally make so much content here. 199 00:12:16,224 --> 00:12:19,024 (Barbi groans) 200 00:12:23,297 --> 00:12:24,297 Oh, oh no. 201 00:12:24,395 --> 00:12:25,395 Oh no, oh no, oh no. 202 00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:27,283 Oh god. 203 00:12:27,384 --> 00:12:29,152 I hope there's like some, 204 00:12:29,251 --> 00:12:30,886 some signal up here. 205 00:12:30,986 --> 00:12:32,121 There's no way, oh, no way. 206 00:12:32,221 --> 00:12:35,192 This is, this is not happening to me. 207 00:12:35,292 --> 00:12:37,894 No, this is not happening to me right now. 208 00:12:37,994 --> 00:12:40,429 Come on, signal, come on, come on! 209 00:12:40,529 --> 00:12:42,999 God, oh god, this can't be! 210 00:12:43,099 --> 00:12:45,518 Oh, oh, I'm not, no! 211 00:12:47,020 --> 00:12:48,020 Oh! 212 00:12:48,304 --> 00:12:50,173 Body, you can't do this to me right now! 213 00:12:50,273 --> 00:12:53,076 Oh goodness, oh, oh, oh! 214 00:12:53,176 --> 00:12:54,510 How did the savages do it? 215 00:12:54,610 --> 00:12:55,610 Oh! 216 00:12:56,078 --> 00:12:57,476 I'm not gonna be like a barbarian, 217 00:12:57,576 --> 00:13:00,049 but I don't think I have any choice. 218 00:13:00,149 --> 00:13:01,418 Oh, what am I gonna do? 219 00:13:01,518 --> 00:13:03,385 Toilet paper, mm! 220 00:13:03,485 --> 00:13:04,485 Leaves. 221 00:13:07,107 --> 00:13:10,059 Okay, okay, maybe I could use some of these. 222 00:13:10,159 --> 00:13:11,160 Right here, okay. 223 00:13:11,260 --> 00:13:12,962 Now, now I need to find a spot. 224 00:13:13,062 --> 00:13:14,062 Oh! 225 00:13:14,297 --> 00:13:15,365 I can't wait any longer! 226 00:13:15,465 --> 00:13:17,333 Oh, I need a spot, oh! 227 00:13:17,433 --> 00:13:18,433 What about right here? 228 00:13:18,533 --> 00:13:19,533 Yes, this looks fine. 229 00:13:19,631 --> 00:13:20,631 Okay, all right. 230 00:13:20,730 --> 00:13:21,730 Pants down. 231 00:13:21,830 --> 00:13:22,830 Okay. 232 00:13:23,423 --> 00:13:28,494 (excrement splattering) (Barbi groaning) 233 00:13:35,369 --> 00:13:37,101 Oh, that's so good. 234 00:13:38,438 --> 00:13:39,438 Woo! 235 00:13:39,623 --> 00:13:40,623 Yes. 236 00:13:41,258 --> 00:13:42,258 Woo! 237 00:13:42,356 --> 00:13:44,260 My pants feel looser now! 238 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:46,477 Oh, I feel so cleansed. 239 00:13:49,283 --> 00:13:51,433 I guess it's not such a bad day after all. 240 00:13:51,533 --> 00:13:53,003 Feel so fresh. 241 00:13:53,102 --> 00:13:55,354 (Barbi hums) 242 00:13:57,057 --> 00:14:01,393 ("Heroic Blockbuster" by WolfSound) 243 00:14:05,966 --> 00:14:08,884 I once saw some TV show about this guy in the woods and junk 244 00:14:08,985 --> 00:14:11,537 and he would just find stuff that would help him survive. 245 00:14:13,474 --> 00:14:15,292 I wish I paid attention to it, 246 00:14:15,392 --> 00:14:17,193 but he was like so hot 247 00:14:17,293 --> 00:14:19,411 and I really didn't understand a word he said. 248 00:14:20,447 --> 00:14:23,115 Hm, I wonder if I could find him out here. 249 00:14:24,150 --> 00:14:25,368 Maybe I could get a ride. 250 00:14:25,467 --> 00:14:28,437 He's always got like a helicopter or something. 251 00:14:28,538 --> 00:14:31,041 Ew, is that a spider? 252 00:14:31,140 --> 00:14:32,274 I hate spiders! 253 00:14:32,375 --> 00:14:35,278 Ugh, this place so needs a cleaning! 254 00:14:35,378 --> 00:14:38,347 Where are the park maids? 255 00:14:38,447 --> 00:14:39,447 Ew! 256 00:14:40,334 --> 00:14:41,384 I hate this place! 257 00:14:41,484 --> 00:14:42,634 I hate nature! 258 00:14:45,538 --> 00:14:47,289 I wonder if this place has bears in it. 259 00:14:47,389 --> 00:14:49,625 I mean, it looks like a bear place, 260 00:14:49,725 --> 00:14:52,528 and if I was a bear, I'd totally hang out here. 261 00:14:52,629 --> 00:14:56,265 Hey, is this where the WeHo Bear Club hangs out? 262 00:14:56,365 --> 00:14:57,533 What the! 263 00:14:57,634 --> 00:14:59,903 - You're gonna burn in hell for what you did! 264 00:15:00,003 --> 00:15:01,571 (grunting) (thudding) 265 00:15:01,671 --> 00:15:04,139 - Three years cardio kickboxing! 266 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,375 - Whoa, cool your jets, turbo. 267 00:15:06,475 --> 00:15:09,613 I, uh, was looking for someone else. 268 00:15:09,712 --> 00:15:11,230 Gonna need this for later. 269 00:15:15,568 --> 00:15:18,421 - You gonna kill some peanut butter sandwiches with that? 270 00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:19,520 - I lost my weapon. 271 00:15:19,620 --> 00:15:20,940 I woke up and it was gone, okay? 272 00:15:22,176 --> 00:15:23,442 I'm looking for someone. 273 00:15:24,477 --> 00:15:26,062 - Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, 274 00:15:26,162 --> 00:15:28,038 whoa whoa whoa, I totally found him like that. 275 00:15:28,139 --> 00:15:29,417 He was at the bottom of the hill 276 00:15:29,517 --> 00:15:31,634 and the blood and the rock was already on top of him 277 00:15:31,734 --> 00:15:33,970 and I was totally gonna go down there and help him out, 278 00:15:34,070 --> 00:15:35,866 but you know, I'm wearing high-heel sneakers 279 00:15:35,966 --> 00:15:37,605 and I can't go down there-- - Found who? 280 00:15:37,959 --> 00:15:38,959 - Nobody. 281 00:15:40,094 --> 00:15:42,412 Are you the police? 282 00:15:42,511 --> 00:15:44,380 - (laughs) Police. 283 00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:45,480 No. 284 00:15:45,581 --> 00:15:48,451 I'm Homeland Security. 285 00:15:48,551 --> 00:15:50,352 (eagle screeches) 286 00:15:50,452 --> 00:15:51,452 - Oh. 287 00:15:52,572 --> 00:15:53,572 Whew. 288 00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:02,264 What happened to your head? 289 00:16:02,365 --> 00:16:03,365 - It's nothing. 290 00:16:05,686 --> 00:16:07,152 I'm looking for someone. 291 00:16:11,024 --> 00:16:12,323 Have you seen this woman? 292 00:16:14,061 --> 00:16:17,713 - That is the worst selfie I have ever seen. 293 00:16:17,813 --> 00:16:19,416 You need to learn better angles. 294 00:16:19,515 --> 00:16:22,485 You can make yourself look about 10 pounds lighter. 295 00:16:22,585 --> 00:16:23,586 And you need a 296 00:16:23,686 --> 00:16:28,072 (electronic beeping and whirring) 297 00:16:32,312 --> 00:16:34,965 filter too because I could totally see pores. 298 00:16:35,065 --> 00:16:36,381 - So you haven't seen her? 299 00:16:42,556 --> 00:16:43,654 - OMG! 300 00:16:46,427 --> 00:16:48,211 You get cellphone service out here? 301 00:16:48,311 --> 00:16:49,794 Who is your carrier? 302 00:16:50,697 --> 00:16:52,898 (man sighs) 303 00:16:54,335 --> 00:16:55,418 - Nassau. 304 00:16:55,518 --> 00:16:57,086 - Are they good? 305 00:16:57,187 --> 00:16:58,187 - Stellar. 306 00:16:58,639 --> 00:17:00,356 Interstellar. 307 00:17:00,456 --> 00:17:03,426 - Because I can't get a single bar out here. 308 00:17:03,525 --> 00:17:05,494 Are their roaming rates okay? 309 00:17:05,595 --> 00:17:08,212 - Astronomical, but we're subsidized. 310 00:17:09,583 --> 00:17:10,648 - Wow. 311 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:13,720 - Excuse me. 312 00:17:16,423 --> 00:17:19,157 (phone ringing) 313 00:17:19,759 --> 00:17:21,344 - Hm? - Sir. 314 00:17:21,443 --> 00:17:23,280 (grunting on phone) My sit rep is as follows. 315 00:17:23,381 --> 00:17:24,381 (babbling on phone) 316 00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:26,082 Agent Vicky is still MIA. 317 00:17:26,182 --> 00:17:27,182 (babbling on phone) 318 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:28,484 The package is recovered. 319 00:17:28,585 --> 00:17:29,585 - [Man On Phone] Mm-hm. 320 00:17:29,683 --> 00:17:31,086 - I'm wounded but able. 321 00:17:31,186 --> 00:17:33,056 The situation-- (babbling on phone) 322 00:17:33,155 --> 00:17:34,423 Is FUBAR. 323 00:17:34,523 --> 00:17:36,492 (babbling on phone) 324 00:17:36,593 --> 00:17:38,461 No, no no no no no no. 325 00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:40,563 No, Bogley shot down the transport. 326 00:17:40,663 --> 00:17:43,365 Requesting recovery team. 327 00:17:43,465 --> 00:17:45,268 They are everywhere! 328 00:17:45,367 --> 00:17:47,569 (camera clicking) (babbling on phone) 329 00:17:47,670 --> 00:17:48,738 Send in Agent Radcliff. 330 00:17:48,837 --> 00:17:51,508 (babbling on phone) 331 00:17:51,607 --> 00:17:52,790 Roger that, sir. 332 00:17:56,430 --> 00:17:58,815 - So I'm not in trouble? 333 00:17:58,914 --> 00:18:00,465 - Are you an illegal alien? 334 00:18:01,367 --> 00:18:03,619 Six eyes, tentacles? 335 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:04,720 - I'm from Texas. 336 00:18:05,673 --> 00:18:06,673 - Close enough. 337 00:18:10,478 --> 00:18:12,644 - I can't believe you get signal out here. 338 00:18:15,648 --> 00:18:17,816 I've been looking for signal for like an hour. 339 00:18:19,252 --> 00:18:21,853 (man choking) 340 00:18:22,204 --> 00:18:23,922 God, I wish I had some water or something. 341 00:18:24,021 --> 00:18:25,642 You sound like you're totally choking. 342 00:18:25,741 --> 00:18:28,243 (man coughing and choking) 343 00:18:28,344 --> 00:18:31,647 Oh, do you think if I get higher up the mountain, 344 00:18:31,748 --> 00:18:33,565 like I could get a signal there? 345 00:18:34,434 --> 00:18:36,452 (man coughing and choking) 346 00:18:36,552 --> 00:18:41,356 ("Heroic Blockbuster" by WolfSound) 347 00:18:41,457 --> 00:18:42,592 You know what? 348 00:18:42,692 --> 00:18:44,051 Can I borrow your cellphone to... 349 00:18:47,314 --> 00:18:48,513 Hello? 350 00:18:49,717 --> 00:18:50,883 - So you haven't seen her? 351 00:18:51,719 --> 00:18:52,719 - No! 352 00:18:53,502 --> 00:18:54,685 Creepy much? 353 00:18:56,457 --> 00:18:57,574 Just like I need a, 354 00:18:57,673 --> 00:18:59,541 I need a new phone or something. 355 00:18:59,642 --> 00:19:00,692 This one's terrible. 356 00:19:15,643 --> 00:19:18,193 Hey, do you know how to 357 00:19:18,294 --> 00:19:19,294 get 358 00:19:19,695 --> 00:19:20,711 out of here? 359 00:19:30,257 --> 00:19:33,858 ("Summer Party" by MrRevant) 360 00:19:42,368 --> 00:19:44,721 - [Barbi Voiceover] I have like 3.4 million followers. 361 00:19:44,820 --> 00:19:47,557 I have millions of likes, collaborations, sponsorships. 362 00:19:47,656 --> 00:19:49,625 I spend all my time showing people 363 00:19:49,726 --> 00:19:51,676 what a perfect and sexy life I have. 364 00:19:54,414 --> 00:19:57,599 And I have no real friends. 365 00:19:57,700 --> 00:19:59,917 I don't have any real friends. 366 00:20:01,555 --> 00:20:03,573 I don't spend time with anyone. 367 00:20:03,673 --> 00:20:06,325 All my friends are social media friends. 368 00:20:07,894 --> 00:20:10,212 There is literally no one out there 369 00:20:10,313 --> 00:20:11,730 that gives a damn about me. 370 00:20:13,233 --> 00:20:14,884 If I don't upload for a few days, 371 00:20:14,983 --> 00:20:16,685 everyone will forget I even exist, 372 00:20:16,786 --> 00:20:19,756 and there is a new face already poised to take my place. 373 00:20:19,855 --> 00:20:20,855 Uh-huh. 374 00:20:20,954 --> 00:20:21,954 I hate Jessica! 375 00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:23,741 Her makeup is always so on point! 376 00:20:24,912 --> 00:20:27,596 Well, sure she looks like ass in real life 377 00:20:27,696 --> 00:20:29,464 without all her filters. 378 00:20:29,565 --> 00:20:30,933 Totally met her at a meetup, 379 00:20:31,034 --> 00:20:33,670 and I laughed so hard when I saw her. 380 00:20:33,769 --> 00:20:34,885 What a dumb hoe. 381 00:20:36,257 --> 00:20:37,773 She shouldn't show her face in public 382 00:20:37,874 --> 00:20:40,509 when she uses all those tricks to make her skin all flawless 383 00:20:40,609 --> 00:20:43,779 and all those camera angles to make herself look all skinny. 384 00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:46,281 She is a walking lie, 385 00:20:46,382 --> 00:20:49,352 and I can't even post that pic of me and Jake. 386 00:20:49,451 --> 00:20:50,653 R.I.P. 387 00:20:50,752 --> 00:20:51,836 He was so lit. 388 00:20:53,574 --> 00:20:56,392 I am so hungry. 389 00:20:56,491 --> 00:20:58,493 If I don't eat something like soon, 390 00:20:58,594 --> 00:21:00,829 I'll start losing all my booty gains. 391 00:21:00,930 --> 00:21:01,980 Bag of dicks. 392 00:21:04,718 --> 00:21:06,736 Oh, mushrooms. 393 00:21:06,836 --> 00:21:10,405 Non-GMO, gluten-free, and totally organic, right? 394 00:21:10,506 --> 00:21:12,275 I mean, you can't get much fresher 395 00:21:12,375 --> 00:21:14,326 than straight out of the forest, right? 396 00:21:15,496 --> 00:21:17,313 Smells like shiitake. 397 00:21:17,413 --> 00:21:19,449 I, I wish I could look it up. 398 00:21:19,548 --> 00:21:20,548 Dammit! 399 00:21:22,769 --> 00:21:24,653 Well, what if I just try one? 400 00:21:24,753 --> 00:21:27,423 I can always make myself throw up, right? 401 00:21:27,522 --> 00:21:28,924 I'm like great at vomit. 402 00:21:29,025 --> 00:21:30,593 I practiced in high school. 403 00:21:30,692 --> 00:21:32,894 No way Suzie Baker was gonna be thinner than me. 404 00:21:32,994 --> 00:21:34,512 That bitch. 405 00:21:40,621 --> 00:21:43,272 Hm, tastes pretty good. 406 00:21:43,373 --> 00:21:46,041 I'm like so paleo right now. 407 00:21:46,142 --> 00:21:48,826 Just like that raw vegan place I tried last month. 408 00:21:50,564 --> 00:21:53,898 Ugh, I'm like a total savage barbarian right now. 409 00:21:58,806 --> 00:22:02,840 ("Uplifting Trance" by SunriseREC) 410 00:22:07,513 --> 00:22:10,414 (rapid whooshing) 411 00:22:17,857 --> 00:22:20,057 (squishing) 412 00:22:28,035 --> 00:22:30,836 (crowd cheering) 413 00:23:58,991 --> 00:23:59,991 - Oh! 414 00:24:02,628 --> 00:24:03,628 A unicorn. 415 00:24:07,067 --> 00:24:09,134 Take me to that rainbow. 416 00:24:12,873 --> 00:24:15,773 (hooves clopping) 417 00:24:24,050 --> 00:24:26,884 (crowd cheering) 418 00:24:53,012 --> 00:24:55,565 (laser blasting) 419 00:24:55,664 --> 00:24:56,664 Whoa! 420 00:24:57,183 --> 00:24:58,616 Pretty colors! 421 00:25:00,287 --> 00:25:01,804 (crowd cheering) 422 00:25:01,903 --> 00:25:03,472 (laser blasting) - Get out of the way! 423 00:25:03,573 --> 00:25:04,640 (laser guns blasting) 424 00:25:04,740 --> 00:25:06,097 You're gonna get yourself killed! 425 00:25:06,198 --> 00:25:09,059 (laser guns blasting) 426 00:25:11,198 --> 00:25:14,483 Do you know how to get to grandma's house? 427 00:25:14,584 --> 00:25:17,053 - I don't know where your grandma is. 428 00:25:17,153 --> 00:25:20,690 (laser gun blasts) 429 00:25:20,789 --> 00:25:21,789 What's wrong with you? 430 00:25:21,888 --> 00:25:23,173 Did you eat something out here? 431 00:25:26,046 --> 00:25:27,046 Are you hungry? 432 00:25:27,144 --> 00:25:28,813 I have muffins and cookies. 433 00:25:31,919 --> 00:25:32,919 - Uh, 434 00:25:34,086 --> 00:25:35,287 I only 435 00:25:37,990 --> 00:25:39,942 eat gluten-free cookies. 436 00:25:40,041 --> 00:25:42,027 Give those to your grandma. 437 00:25:43,029 --> 00:25:46,064 (laser guns blasting) 438 00:25:53,073 --> 00:25:54,172 - Um... 439 00:25:59,112 --> 00:26:02,198 - Hey Mister Wolf, did you see what I just saw? 440 00:26:02,298 --> 00:26:04,000 Was that Little Red Riding Hood? 441 00:26:04,099 --> 00:26:05,968 - [Mister Wolf] It sure was, Barbi. 442 00:26:06,067 --> 00:26:08,570 - I think that was Little Red Riding Hood. 443 00:26:08,671 --> 00:26:10,006 What do you think? 444 00:26:10,105 --> 00:26:12,974 - [Mister Wolf] You're far more delicious though. (laughs) 445 00:26:13,075 --> 00:26:15,111 (Barbi laughs) 446 00:26:15,211 --> 00:26:16,945 (laser guns firing) 447 00:26:17,046 --> 00:26:21,199 ("Heroic Blockbuster" by WolfSound) 448 00:26:29,108 --> 00:26:32,728 ("Uplifting Trance" by SunriseREC) 449 00:26:32,827 --> 00:26:37,848 ("Heroic Blockbuster" by WolfSound) 450 00:26:38,884 --> 00:26:42,252 ("Uplifting Trance" by SunriseREC) 451 00:26:44,057 --> 00:26:47,710 ("Heroic Blockbuster" by WolfSound) 452 00:26:47,809 --> 00:26:50,127 - Have you seen Agent Mahoney? 453 00:26:51,798 --> 00:26:53,816 Tall, bald, glasses. 454 00:26:53,915 --> 00:26:56,267 - The better to see me with! 455 00:26:57,037 --> 00:27:00,056 (laser guns blasting) 456 00:27:00,155 --> 00:27:04,142 ("Uplifting Trance" by SunriseREC) 457 00:27:12,419 --> 00:27:15,220 (dramatic music) 458 00:27:21,361 --> 00:27:24,028 - They must have no vision in the pink spectrum! 459 00:27:24,830 --> 00:27:27,148 ("Striptease" by MUZik) 460 00:27:27,249 --> 00:27:30,035 (woman laughs) 461 00:28:02,102 --> 00:28:04,469 (low buzzing) 462 00:28:23,222 --> 00:28:24,355 They can't see pink. 463 00:28:26,326 --> 00:28:29,326 (sonic whirring) 464 00:28:35,801 --> 00:28:37,252 (phone ringing) 465 00:28:37,353 --> 00:28:39,430 Sir, I have discovered a fault in their technology. 466 00:28:39,529 --> 00:28:43,092 (electronic beeping and whirring) 467 00:28:43,192 --> 00:28:47,345 ("Heroic Blockbuster" by WolfSound) 468 00:28:53,019 --> 00:28:55,037 It can change the course of our whole battle. 469 00:28:55,136 --> 00:28:56,488 (babbling on phone) 470 00:28:56,587 --> 00:28:58,743 Alert Agent Radcliff that the aliens cannot see pink. 471 00:28:58,844 --> 00:29:00,791 (laser blasting) 472 00:29:03,363 --> 00:29:04,762 - Oh, pretty! 473 00:29:07,834 --> 00:29:10,367 (Barbi squeals) 474 00:29:11,538 --> 00:29:15,458 ("Uplifting Trance" by SunriseREC) 475 00:29:15,557 --> 00:29:18,157 (eerie music) 476 00:29:23,016 --> 00:29:25,134 - [Barbi Voiceover] Okay, I'm starting to suspect 477 00:29:25,233 --> 00:29:26,969 that those were not gluten-free mushrooms, 478 00:29:27,068 --> 00:29:29,003 because I haven't tripped balls like this 479 00:29:29,104 --> 00:29:31,272 since that weekend freshman year in the Hamptons 480 00:29:31,373 --> 00:29:34,025 when Jessica stole my first serious boyfriend. 481 00:29:35,494 --> 00:29:37,813 What was his name again? 482 00:29:37,913 --> 00:29:41,483 I mean, we were like totally destined to be together. 483 00:29:41,584 --> 00:29:43,885 He was so rough and tough, 484 00:29:43,986 --> 00:29:46,371 just like a hot barbarian. 485 00:29:47,374 --> 00:29:50,125 I would've given him so many followers, 486 00:29:50,226 --> 00:29:53,377 but he chose Jessica and all he got was herpes. 487 00:29:55,015 --> 00:29:57,199 OMG, is that him, 488 00:29:57,298 --> 00:29:58,415 what's-his-nuts? 489 00:29:59,586 --> 00:30:02,203 He looks so much better in a loincloth. 490 00:30:02,304 --> 00:30:05,340 ("Days of High Adventure" by Cinematique) 491 00:30:05,441 --> 00:30:07,325 Antibiotics do wonders. 492 00:30:11,364 --> 00:30:13,015 Check out this cute outfit. 493 00:30:13,115 --> 00:30:15,785 I have a sword, armored boobs! 494 00:30:15,884 --> 00:30:17,219 Looking good, Barbi. 495 00:30:17,318 --> 00:30:20,055 (horse neighs) 496 00:30:20,154 --> 00:30:21,154 Hm. 497 00:30:22,541 --> 00:30:24,259 This looks sharp. 498 00:30:24,359 --> 00:30:26,845 This hallucination is like so lit. 499 00:30:29,048 --> 00:30:30,365 That's right. 500 00:30:30,465 --> 00:30:32,066 Sploosh. 501 00:30:32,384 --> 00:30:34,660 You're gonna need a lot more water to put out this fire. 502 00:30:34,759 --> 00:30:35,759 Mm-hm. 503 00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:38,317 - [Barbarian Voiceover] Man, my abs look amazing. 504 00:30:38,417 --> 00:30:40,295 - [Barbi Voiceover] Why did we break up again? 505 00:30:40,394 --> 00:30:41,394 I totally can't remember. 506 00:30:43,363 --> 00:30:45,181 - [Barbarian Voiceover] I bet she wants me. 507 00:30:45,280 --> 00:30:47,077 - [Barbi Voiceover] If this gets any hotter, 508 00:30:47,177 --> 00:30:48,349 I'm gonna need a boat. 509 00:30:48,450 --> 00:30:50,586 (hooves clopping) 510 00:30:50,685 --> 00:30:52,363 - [Barbarian Voiceover] Check it, uh-huh. 511 00:30:52,462 --> 00:30:54,455 Call that a sword? 512 00:30:54,556 --> 00:30:57,241 - [Barbi Voiceover] I'll call it anything you want. 513 00:31:00,079 --> 00:31:01,945 Wait, what just happened? 514 00:31:03,549 --> 00:31:04,933 - [Barbarian Voiceover] Mm, baby! 515 00:31:05,034 --> 00:31:06,271 - [Barbi Voiceover] Wait, what? 516 00:31:06,372 --> 00:31:08,103 (horse neighs) 517 00:31:08,202 --> 00:31:09,883 - [Barbarian Voiceover] Hail to the king. 518 00:31:11,090 --> 00:31:13,391 - [Barbi Voiceover] Well this escalated quickly. 519 00:31:14,594 --> 00:31:16,059 Oh, he's serious. 520 00:31:18,230 --> 00:31:20,316 Maybe he means somebody back there. 521 00:31:20,415 --> 00:31:22,218 Nope, just me. 522 00:31:22,317 --> 00:31:24,619 Well, I didn't get all fantasy dressed up 523 00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:26,888 for nothing, I guess. 524 00:31:26,989 --> 00:31:28,390 And I have this sword, 525 00:31:28,490 --> 00:31:31,276 so my brain must've known something like this would happen. 526 00:31:32,979 --> 00:31:35,230 - [Barbarian Voiceover] Gonna make her work for it. 527 00:31:35,330 --> 00:31:36,330 (barbarian growls) 528 00:31:36,430 --> 00:31:37,915 This chick's gonna ruin my pump! 529 00:31:39,251 --> 00:31:41,403 - [Barbi Voiceover] Your pump looks just fine to me. 530 00:31:41,502 --> 00:31:42,503 I could totally take him. 531 00:31:42,604 --> 00:31:44,373 (squeaks) I know what he likes. 532 00:31:44,472 --> 00:31:45,607 (Barbi giggles) 533 00:31:45,708 --> 00:31:47,468 - [Barbarian Voiceover] She slapped my ass. 534 00:31:48,961 --> 00:31:50,211 I kinda like it. 535 00:31:50,311 --> 00:31:52,314 - [Barbi Voiceover] Oh, we're still doing this. 536 00:31:52,413 --> 00:31:54,650 (barbarian growls) (swords clinking) 537 00:31:54,750 --> 00:31:57,286 When did foreplay become so hard? 538 00:31:57,385 --> 00:32:00,655 (barbarian growls) (Barbi growls) 539 00:32:00,756 --> 00:32:02,913 - [Barbarian Voiceover] I knew I shouldn't have taken 540 00:32:03,012 --> 00:32:04,050 my pre-workout pill early. 541 00:32:04,151 --> 00:32:05,661 (swords clinking and whooshing) 542 00:32:05,760 --> 00:32:06,999 - [Barbi Voiceover] I'm so glad 543 00:32:07,098 --> 00:32:08,257 I've been doing yoga classes. 544 00:32:08,356 --> 00:32:10,398 They really keep me nice and loose. 545 00:32:10,499 --> 00:32:11,901 I can totally hold my own. 546 00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:13,134 I always could. 547 00:32:13,234 --> 00:32:16,305 Not to mention I look amazing with this hand. 548 00:32:16,404 --> 00:32:18,561 - [Barbarian Voiceover] I wonder if she saw that lion 549 00:32:18,662 --> 00:32:19,662 that I killed last week. 550 00:32:19,760 --> 00:32:20,760 Oh, yeah. 551 00:32:20,859 --> 00:32:22,243 (swords clinking) 552 00:32:22,344 --> 00:32:24,700 - [Barbi Voiceover] What I love about this fantasy is that 553 00:32:24,799 --> 00:32:27,048 Jessica would never look as good as I do in this. 554 00:32:27,148 --> 00:32:30,184 I mean, have you seen this hotness? 555 00:32:30,285 --> 00:32:32,441 - [Barbarian Voiceover] Man, that's a nice loincloth. 556 00:32:32,540 --> 00:32:34,019 I wonder if she's wearing underwear. 557 00:32:34,118 --> 00:32:35,118 Wait, am I? 558 00:32:36,476 --> 00:32:38,193 - [Barbi Voiceover] This barbarian fantasy 559 00:32:38,294 --> 00:32:41,130 is so much better than the light show. 560 00:32:41,230 --> 00:32:42,463 (swords clinking) 561 00:32:42,564 --> 00:32:43,565 Ha, gotcha! 562 00:32:43,664 --> 00:32:48,369 - [Barbarian Voiceover] But that was my favorite sword. 563 00:32:48,470 --> 00:32:49,470 Aw. 564 00:32:50,423 --> 00:32:51,489 I'm sad. 565 00:32:52,325 --> 00:32:54,375 (barbarian muttering) 566 00:32:54,476 --> 00:32:56,010 - [Barbi Voiceover] Oh come on! 567 00:32:56,111 --> 00:32:57,445 You're finished already? 568 00:32:57,546 --> 00:32:59,147 But I'm not done yet! 569 00:32:59,248 --> 00:33:01,484 - [Barbarian Voiceover] I don't wanna fight you anyway. 570 00:33:01,585 --> 00:33:03,261 - [Barbi Voiceover] I can get your sword. 571 00:33:03,362 --> 00:33:04,878 It's like right there. - Stupid girl. 572 00:33:04,979 --> 00:33:07,255 - [Barbi Voiceover] I'll give you a hand and everything. 573 00:33:07,355 --> 00:33:08,355 I'll go get it for you. 574 00:33:08,453 --> 00:33:09,453 (barbarian muttering) 575 00:33:09,553 --> 00:33:10,553 Wait, come back! 576 00:33:10,652 --> 00:33:13,095 Ugh, it's like high school prom all over again 577 00:33:13,194 --> 00:33:15,497 except I'm not fat anymore. 578 00:33:15,596 --> 00:33:19,416 Ugh, things get rough and he goes crying to his mother. 579 00:33:21,354 --> 00:33:23,972 And now it's just me left behind with a rabbit 580 00:33:24,073 --> 00:33:25,323 and no batteries. 581 00:33:27,460 --> 00:33:29,411 Ugh, now I remember the problem. 582 00:33:29,510 --> 00:33:31,145 He's too into himself, 583 00:33:31,246 --> 00:33:33,048 all pump and no go. 584 00:33:33,147 --> 00:33:35,532 Jessica can totally keep him, blech. 585 00:33:36,702 --> 00:33:39,488 All those muscles spending hours at the gym, for what? 586 00:33:39,587 --> 00:33:40,622 And then he dumps me. 587 00:33:40,721 --> 00:33:41,721 Me! 588 00:33:42,156 --> 00:33:44,492 I mean, have you seen how hot I look now? 589 00:33:44,593 --> 00:33:47,061 Most people would hallucinate being a superhero 590 00:33:47,162 --> 00:33:48,297 or a ballerina. 591 00:33:48,396 --> 00:33:50,065 Me, oh no. 592 00:33:50,164 --> 00:33:53,335 What is my subconscious trying to tell me? 593 00:33:53,434 --> 00:33:54,434 Worst 594 00:33:54,603 --> 00:33:56,002 fantasy 595 00:33:56,371 --> 00:33:57,371 ever. 596 00:34:01,361 --> 00:34:06,064 ("Suspenseful Music Box" by AlexVombat) 597 00:34:41,534 --> 00:34:45,869 ("Scary Lullaby" by CreativeTunes) 598 00:35:15,300 --> 00:35:16,300 - Pretty. 599 00:35:25,512 --> 00:35:28,411 (balloon popping) 600 00:35:37,590 --> 00:35:41,324 (Barbi squeals and giggles) 601 00:35:44,197 --> 00:35:47,331 (eerie man laughing) 602 00:37:14,820 --> 00:37:17,021 - Why'd you pop my balloons? 603 00:37:18,490 --> 00:37:20,358 I'm gonna kill you, bitch! 604 00:37:21,327 --> 00:37:22,327 - Oh my god! 605 00:37:22,425 --> 00:37:23,811 Oh my god, oh my god! 606 00:37:23,911 --> 00:37:24,980 (Barbi squeals) 607 00:37:25,079 --> 00:37:26,882 This cannot be my life! 608 00:37:26,981 --> 00:37:27,981 A monster, really? 609 00:37:28,081 --> 00:37:29,081 - Slow down, bitch! 610 00:37:29,179 --> 00:37:30,652 (Barbi squeals) 611 00:37:30,751 --> 00:37:31,751 I'm tired! 612 00:37:31,851 --> 00:37:33,422 - Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! 613 00:37:33,521 --> 00:37:38,309 ("New Indie Rock Action" by Suslikk1980) 614 00:37:38,945 --> 00:37:41,862 (clown mutters) 615 00:37:41,963 --> 00:37:43,532 It's all right. 616 00:37:43,632 --> 00:37:44,865 You good? - Mm-hm. 617 00:37:44,965 --> 00:37:46,268 - We're good. 618 00:37:46,367 --> 00:37:47,367 We're good. 619 00:37:47,467 --> 00:37:48,467 Okay. 620 00:37:48,769 --> 00:37:51,454 Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! 621 00:37:54,827 --> 00:37:57,646 Oh my god, he's swinging an ax at me! 622 00:37:57,746 --> 00:38:00,630 (Barbi squeals) 623 00:38:03,902 --> 00:38:06,503 - I'm gonna kill you, bitch! 624 00:38:07,706 --> 00:38:09,590 You're such a dead little bitch! 625 00:38:09,690 --> 00:38:11,626 (Barbi screams) 626 00:38:11,726 --> 00:38:12,760 (clown laughing) 627 00:38:12,860 --> 00:38:14,262 You're such a dead little bitch! 628 00:38:14,362 --> 00:38:15,864 (ax whooshing) 629 00:38:15,963 --> 00:38:20,985 (Barbi screams) (clown laughs) 630 00:38:21,853 --> 00:38:24,088 I'm gonna kill you, bitch! 631 00:38:28,795 --> 00:38:29,860 - Oh my god! 632 00:38:30,762 --> 00:38:32,380 Oh my god! 633 00:38:32,481 --> 00:38:36,351 - Where am I gonna get another balloon out here? 634 00:38:36,451 --> 00:38:37,619 (Barbi screams) 635 00:38:37,719 --> 00:38:38,719 - No! 636 00:38:38,818 --> 00:38:39,836 Leave me alone! 637 00:38:43,976 --> 00:38:47,829 - Where am I gonna get another balloon out here? 638 00:38:47,929 --> 00:38:50,880 - Party supply stores for clowns! 639 00:39:00,693 --> 00:39:03,427 (clown laughing) 640 00:39:20,579 --> 00:39:23,581 (liquid trickling) 641 00:40:08,894 --> 00:40:10,193 - That was crazy. 642 00:40:12,498 --> 00:40:13,936 - [Electronic Voice] Say a command. 643 00:40:14,036 --> 00:40:15,483 - Call home. 644 00:40:15,583 --> 00:40:17,786 - [Woman On Phone] Hi, honey. - Honey, yeah. 645 00:40:17,885 --> 00:40:20,737 Hey so, I just pulled over to take a quick leak. 646 00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:22,840 Unbelievable. 647 00:40:22,940 --> 00:40:23,940 You wouldn't believe. 648 00:40:24,039 --> 00:40:25,893 There was a chick, a blonde chick, 649 00:40:25,994 --> 00:40:27,795 tripping balls out in the forest, 650 00:40:27,896 --> 00:40:29,998 like losing her freaking mind. 651 00:40:30,097 --> 00:40:32,701 - Drugs? - Yeah yeah, I know, right? 652 00:40:32,800 --> 00:40:33,800 Kids today. 653 00:40:33,900 --> 00:40:35,786 I mean, ugh, kids. 654 00:40:38,990 --> 00:40:40,809 - Oh no, why is he chasing me! 655 00:40:40,909 --> 00:40:43,760 (Barbi screams) 656 00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:49,800 (bonking) 657 00:40:52,003 --> 00:40:54,603 (low humming) 658 00:41:04,951 --> 00:41:07,851 (aliens babbling) 659 00:41:17,230 --> 00:41:18,679 (aliens clicking) 660 00:41:18,780 --> 00:41:19,780 - Shh! 661 00:41:21,967 --> 00:41:24,869 (aliens babbling) 662 00:41:44,724 --> 00:41:45,724 - Ow. 663 00:42:17,657 --> 00:42:18,657 What? 664 00:42:26,731 --> 00:42:29,117 (creature squeaking) 665 00:42:29,217 --> 00:42:30,217 Oh my god! 666 00:42:32,672 --> 00:42:35,204 (Barbi screams) 667 00:42:55,161 --> 00:42:57,760 (Barbi gasps) 668 00:42:58,646 --> 00:42:59,646 Yes! 669 00:42:59,746 --> 00:43:01,750 (Barbi laughs) 670 00:43:01,849 --> 00:43:02,849 Oh, yes! 671 00:43:04,003 --> 00:43:05,003 Oh! 672 00:43:05,101 --> 00:43:08,672 ("Dirty Pitch" by Shadowkey) 673 00:44:20,713 --> 00:44:23,414 (camera clicking) 674 00:44:51,242 --> 00:44:54,443 (phone whirring) 675 00:44:54,829 --> 00:44:56,380 No no no no no no no! 676 00:44:57,949 --> 00:44:58,949 No! 677 00:45:01,219 --> 00:45:02,219 No! 678 00:45:04,456 --> 00:45:05,889 No, don't die! 679 00:45:09,427 --> 00:45:11,012 - [Barbi Voiceover] Fresh and clean. 680 00:45:11,112 --> 00:45:14,181 Nothing like a morning shower in natural springwater. 681 00:45:14,282 --> 00:45:16,150 Is this what my parents were talking about 682 00:45:16,251 --> 00:45:18,987 when they lived in that hippie commune back in the '80s? 683 00:45:19,086 --> 00:45:21,922 I think they wore like jogging suits or something. 684 00:45:22,023 --> 00:45:24,159 Hm, something feels weird. 685 00:45:24,259 --> 00:45:26,994 Were there way too many minerals in the water? 686 00:45:27,094 --> 00:45:28,963 Maybe I need some lotion or something. 687 00:45:29,063 --> 00:45:30,364 My neck is feeling kinda itchy. 688 00:45:30,465 --> 00:45:34,101 ("Upbeat Summer Pop" by Borksford) 689 00:45:34,202 --> 00:45:35,436 Focus, Barbi. 690 00:45:35,536 --> 00:45:37,353 It's just all in your head. 691 00:45:38,490 --> 00:45:39,940 Maybe I didn't sleep off 692 00:45:40,041 --> 00:45:42,010 all the effects from those mushrooms. 693 00:45:42,110 --> 00:45:44,813 No, I'm definitely feeling something back there. 694 00:45:44,913 --> 00:45:46,114 Where's my mirror? 695 00:45:46,213 --> 00:45:47,264 Let's see. 696 00:45:49,335 --> 00:45:51,286 Are those my pores? 697 00:45:51,385 --> 00:45:52,385 Ugh! 698 00:45:52,887 --> 00:45:54,324 I totally need some new foundation. 699 00:45:54,425 --> 00:45:56,405 Maybe a waterproof one or something. 700 00:45:57,342 --> 00:46:00,143 Better, I mean, not bad for the savage wild. 701 00:46:00,880 --> 00:46:02,097 I wonder where I am. 702 00:46:02,197 --> 00:46:04,733 I've been walking nonstop for hours. 703 00:46:04,833 --> 00:46:06,231 I wish I was tracking my calories. 704 00:46:06,331 --> 00:46:09,318 My calorie burn must be off the charts. 705 00:46:11,356 --> 00:46:13,389 Ugh, what is this freaking itching! 706 00:46:15,226 --> 00:46:17,360 Did I touch some poison ivy or something? 707 00:46:18,297 --> 00:46:19,880 I have a photo shoot next week, 708 00:46:19,981 --> 00:46:21,315 and if I'm still alive, 709 00:46:21,416 --> 00:46:24,152 I can't have a rash I can't cover up with makeup. 710 00:46:24,251 --> 00:46:25,369 Wait, what the hell is this? 711 00:46:25,469 --> 00:46:28,137 Fuzzy, pointy, it's moving. 712 00:46:31,342 --> 00:46:34,077 (Barbi screams) 713 00:46:50,362 --> 00:46:53,563 (pterodactyl screeches) 714 00:46:56,568 --> 00:46:57,568 Spider. 715 00:47:01,974 --> 00:47:06,210 ("Street Racing" by Sound Forces) 716 00:47:56,295 --> 00:47:59,329 (heavy thudding) 717 00:48:29,460 --> 00:48:31,295 - Oh, you're awake. 718 00:48:33,065 --> 00:48:34,065 - Yeah. 719 00:48:35,501 --> 00:48:37,452 What happened? 720 00:48:37,552 --> 00:48:38,552 - You slipped and fell. 721 00:48:38,650 --> 00:48:40,036 Lucky I was there to catch you. 722 00:48:41,507 --> 00:48:42,623 - Wow. 723 00:48:42,724 --> 00:48:44,391 I could've died. 724 00:48:44,492 --> 00:48:45,960 - Yeah, I know. 725 00:48:46,059 --> 00:48:48,445 Pretty amazing, right? (laughs) 726 00:48:54,485 --> 00:48:55,485 Kenny Radcliff, ma'am. 727 00:48:55,585 --> 00:48:56,585 - Barbi Radcliff. 728 00:48:56,684 --> 00:48:57,684 I mean, Brennan. 729 00:48:58,523 --> 00:49:00,173 (Barbi and Kenny laughing) 730 00:49:00,273 --> 00:49:02,291 - Oh, sorry, I went through your bag. 731 00:49:04,163 --> 00:49:05,380 You were out of water 732 00:49:05,480 --> 00:49:07,414 so I gave you a refill and some food rations. 733 00:49:07,514 --> 00:49:08,753 - [Barbi Voiceover] And a ring. 734 00:49:08,853 --> 00:49:10,050 You mean a ring. 735 00:49:10,150 --> 00:49:13,221 OMG, OMG, OMG, it's really happening! 736 00:49:13,320 --> 00:49:17,358 I'm gonna be the next Mrs. Barbi Kenny Radcliff! 737 00:49:17,458 --> 00:49:20,360 I'm not gonna die alone in my house with 10 cats 738 00:49:20,460 --> 00:49:24,398 who will eat my eyes after I'm dead like my mom said! 739 00:49:24,498 --> 00:49:28,099 It's so beautiful! 740 00:49:28,235 --> 00:49:30,338 I'm gonna get this appraised right away. 741 00:49:30,438 --> 00:49:32,340 What is this, like 100 carats? 742 00:49:32,440 --> 00:49:34,891 I'm so worth it. 743 00:49:34,992 --> 00:49:37,445 ("Energetic Tropical Pop" by KakaduCreation) 744 00:49:37,545 --> 00:49:38,561 My precious! 745 00:49:40,032 --> 00:49:41,597 Take that, Jessica! 746 00:49:42,668 --> 00:49:45,135 - Thank you very much. 747 00:49:47,539 --> 00:49:49,257 - You should probably stick to the trails. 748 00:49:49,356 --> 00:49:50,356 - Trails? 749 00:49:50,456 --> 00:49:51,456 What trails? 750 00:49:51,554 --> 00:49:53,427 I'm totally lost. 751 00:49:53,527 --> 00:49:54,996 - In more ways than one. 752 00:49:55,096 --> 00:49:56,230 - Huh? - Oh, nothing. 753 00:49:56,329 --> 00:49:57,481 Are you out here alone? 754 00:50:00,351 --> 00:50:01,351 - Sort of. 755 00:50:03,554 --> 00:50:05,831 - Well if you hike that way for about a mile and a half, 756 00:50:05,931 --> 00:50:10,327 ("Energetic Tropical Pop" by KakaduCreation) 757 00:50:30,181 --> 00:50:31,414 you'll come across the road. 758 00:50:31,514 --> 00:50:33,791 Sooner or later the ranger will come by and pick you up, 759 00:50:33,891 --> 00:50:34,891 get you home. 760 00:50:36,054 --> 00:50:37,353 - Are you coming? 761 00:50:38,489 --> 00:50:39,489 - No. 762 00:50:40,626 --> 00:50:42,110 I've got unfinished business. 763 00:50:42,210 --> 00:50:44,211 (eagle screeches) 764 00:50:44,311 --> 00:50:46,596 - Oh, so you go that way? 765 00:50:52,438 --> 00:50:53,637 Hello? 766 00:50:53,764 --> 00:50:56,161 - [Barbi Voiceover] I really need to start paying attention 767 00:50:56,262 --> 00:50:57,262 when people talk to me. 768 00:50:57,360 --> 00:50:59,358 It's just so rare that I actually talk to someone 769 00:50:59,458 --> 00:51:00,458 face to face, you know? 770 00:51:00,556 --> 00:51:02,063 It's so much easier to text them. 771 00:51:02,163 --> 00:51:06,367 Hm, maybe my people skills are somehow lacking. 772 00:51:06,467 --> 00:51:08,184 Like, if I listened to Kenny's directions, 773 00:51:08,284 --> 00:51:10,086 maybe I'd already be home by now. 774 00:51:11,489 --> 00:51:14,275 Wait, is that someone there? 775 00:51:14,375 --> 00:51:16,411 Maybe they know where I am. 776 00:51:16,510 --> 00:51:17,677 She looks familiar. 777 00:51:17,777 --> 00:51:19,746 Where have I seen her before? 778 00:51:19,847 --> 00:51:21,681 Does she do hair tutorials? 779 00:51:21,782 --> 00:51:24,634 (woman cries out) 780 00:51:27,172 --> 00:51:28,588 - Help me! 781 00:51:28,688 --> 00:51:30,965 - [Barbi Voiceover] Maybe she knows where to get signals 782 00:51:31,065 --> 00:51:32,545 so I can find Kenny and swipe right. 783 00:51:33,878 --> 00:51:36,396 - Excuse me, excuse me. 784 00:51:36,496 --> 00:51:38,365 Do you know how to get out of here? 785 00:51:38,465 --> 00:51:39,465 (woman cries out) 786 00:51:39,565 --> 00:51:42,570 (flatulence rumbling) 787 00:51:42,670 --> 00:51:45,755 Oh my god, what is that smell? 788 00:51:48,327 --> 00:51:49,610 - Oh, thank god! 789 00:51:49,710 --> 00:51:50,710 Help me! 790 00:51:50,809 --> 00:51:51,846 My arm is crushed! 791 00:51:51,945 --> 00:51:53,563 - Hey, are you okay? 792 00:51:54,398 --> 00:51:56,184 - Help me, I'm stuck! 793 00:51:56,284 --> 00:52:00,153 (electronic beeping and whirring) 794 00:52:00,253 --> 00:52:04,592 ("Heroic Blockbuster" by WolfSound) 795 00:52:04,692 --> 00:52:06,126 - What happened? 796 00:52:06,226 --> 00:52:07,527 (woman groans) 797 00:52:07,628 --> 00:52:09,425 - [Woman] My arm's crushed, I can't move it! 798 00:52:09,525 --> 00:52:10,525 - Oh that looks bad. 799 00:52:10,623 --> 00:52:12,740 Your dry-cleaner is never gonna get that out, honey. 800 00:52:12,840 --> 00:52:14,367 - I know, right? (laughs) 801 00:52:14,467 --> 00:52:15,585 Now can you help me? 802 00:52:16,521 --> 00:52:18,806 (flatulence rumbling) 803 00:52:18,905 --> 00:52:21,391 - What is that stench? 804 00:52:23,628 --> 00:52:26,847 - The effervescent scent of the great outdoors. 805 00:52:26,947 --> 00:52:29,583 - Hey, were you gonna cut your arm off? 806 00:52:29,684 --> 00:52:31,385 - Yeah, duh. 807 00:52:31,485 --> 00:52:32,702 I can't take it anymore! 808 00:52:33,804 --> 00:52:35,422 - I know, right? 809 00:52:35,523 --> 00:52:37,606 I would totally kill myself if I had to smell this. 810 00:52:39,443 --> 00:52:40,510 What happened? 811 00:52:41,813 --> 00:52:43,164 - I was in a plane crash. 812 00:52:43,264 --> 00:52:44,264 Didn't you see? 813 00:52:44,362 --> 00:52:45,362 - What plane crash? 814 00:52:45,461 --> 00:52:46,634 - Oh never mind. 815 00:52:46,733 --> 00:52:47,733 A little help here? 816 00:52:47,833 --> 00:52:49,170 - Oh, sorry. 817 00:52:49,269 --> 00:52:52,621 (flatulence sputtering) 818 00:52:54,592 --> 00:52:55,659 What's that? 819 00:52:56,728 --> 00:52:58,246 - Uh, nothing. 820 00:52:58,346 --> 00:52:59,346 Don't worry about it. 821 00:52:59,445 --> 00:53:00,445 Get me outta here! 822 00:53:00,543 --> 00:53:01,543 - Uh, hold on. 823 00:53:01,643 --> 00:53:02,643 Wait, wait. 824 00:53:02,742 --> 00:53:04,851 (electronic beeping and whirring) 825 00:53:04,952 --> 00:53:06,554 Is that a dead body? 826 00:53:06,653 --> 00:53:10,157 (electronic beeping and whirring) 827 00:53:10,257 --> 00:53:11,775 - [Woman] You gotta be kidding me. 828 00:53:13,445 --> 00:53:14,494 (woman groans) 829 00:53:14,594 --> 00:53:17,465 (flatulence rumbling) 830 00:53:17,565 --> 00:53:18,565 - Ew! 831 00:53:18,766 --> 00:53:20,568 It is a dead body! 832 00:53:20,668 --> 00:53:23,704 Oh, and it looks like someone beat the crap out of it. 833 00:53:23,804 --> 00:53:25,789 What happened to him? 834 00:53:27,291 --> 00:53:28,849 - The same thing that'll happen to you 835 00:53:28,949 --> 00:53:31,811 if you don't get me out of here. 836 00:53:31,911 --> 00:53:34,630 - You're totally freaking me out right now. 837 00:53:35,766 --> 00:53:38,235 - Haven't you ever seen a dead body before? 838 00:53:40,739 --> 00:53:42,539 - Recently? 839 00:53:43,608 --> 00:53:44,824 - Uh-huh. 840 00:53:44,925 --> 00:53:45,925 - Who is this? 841 00:53:46,878 --> 00:53:48,628 - I'm gonna die here. 842 00:53:48,728 --> 00:53:49,728 (flatulence sputtering) 843 00:53:49,827 --> 00:53:50,827 - The dead body. 844 00:53:52,650 --> 00:53:53,934 - My boss. 845 00:53:54,034 --> 00:53:56,436 Might've had a slight disagreement 846 00:53:56,536 --> 00:53:58,954 over a small financial sum. 847 00:54:00,592 --> 00:54:04,277 - [Ralph] Hey, you can't take that, those are state secrets! 848 00:54:04,378 --> 00:54:05,713 (woman grunts) 849 00:54:05,813 --> 00:54:06,981 (fists thudding) 850 00:54:07,081 --> 00:54:11,351 ("Game Time" by Kloudization) 851 00:54:11,452 --> 00:54:13,469 - No, you can't stop me! 852 00:54:14,438 --> 00:54:15,655 - Cut you. 853 00:54:15,755 --> 00:54:16,755 Give me it back. 854 00:54:16,855 --> 00:54:17,855 I'm gonna cut you! 855 00:54:17,954 --> 00:54:18,954 Give me it back! 856 00:54:19,052 --> 00:54:21,896 ("Heroic Blockbuster" by WolfSound) 857 00:54:21,996 --> 00:54:23,297 (rock rumbling) 858 00:54:23,396 --> 00:54:24,998 (woman screams) 859 00:54:25,099 --> 00:54:28,001 - There was a rock slide, but that came after, 860 00:54:28,101 --> 00:54:29,585 and now I'm here! 861 00:54:31,722 --> 00:54:32,722 - Oh. 862 00:54:33,306 --> 00:54:35,184 Okay. Well do you know how to get out of here? 863 00:54:35,284 --> 00:54:36,643 - Can you please help me already? 864 00:54:36,744 --> 00:54:38,612 - All right already, gosh! 865 00:54:38,713 --> 00:54:40,981 It's all about you, isn't it? 866 00:54:41,081 --> 00:54:43,867 (woman groans) 867 00:54:45,704 --> 00:54:47,688 Oh, there's no way I'm gonna move this. 868 00:54:47,788 --> 00:54:49,590 And honey, I'm not cutting your arm off. 869 00:54:49,690 --> 00:54:50,925 That would be way too messy, 870 00:54:51,025 --> 00:54:53,610 and have you seen this outfit that I'm wearing? 871 00:54:54,445 --> 00:54:56,664 - Just get that stick over there 872 00:54:56,764 --> 00:54:59,949 and use it like a lever to move the rocks. 873 00:55:01,920 --> 00:55:02,920 - Oh! 874 00:55:08,760 --> 00:55:09,760 Will this do? 875 00:55:12,030 --> 00:55:13,697 That's too heavy. 876 00:55:14,900 --> 00:55:17,967 - Can you please hurry it up! 877 00:55:19,036 --> 00:55:21,036 - All right, all right already, gosh! 878 00:55:24,009 --> 00:55:25,393 (woman cries out) 879 00:55:25,492 --> 00:55:26,559 (Barbi sighs) 880 00:55:26,659 --> 00:55:30,713 (electronic beeping and whirring) 881 00:55:33,351 --> 00:55:34,583 - That's good. 882 00:55:37,822 --> 00:55:38,822 What the? 883 00:55:43,027 --> 00:55:44,527 Where'd she go? 884 00:55:48,500 --> 00:55:49,949 (flatulence squeaking) 885 00:55:50,050 --> 00:55:53,054 (electronic whooshing) 886 00:55:53,153 --> 00:55:54,487 (Barbi squeals) 887 00:55:54,588 --> 00:55:57,391 Why does this keep happening to me? 888 00:55:57,490 --> 00:55:58,858 (Barbi whimpers) 889 00:55:58,958 --> 00:56:00,009 Oh god. 890 00:56:00,911 --> 00:56:02,945 Why is this always so... 891 00:56:03,849 --> 00:56:06,449 (Barbi yelps) 892 00:56:07,134 --> 00:56:08,936 What was that about? 893 00:56:09,036 --> 00:56:11,920 (Barbi squeals) 894 00:56:13,724 --> 00:56:15,659 - [Barbi Voiceover] Okay, that was weird. 895 00:56:15,759 --> 00:56:17,715 Hair tutorial girl just vanished into the forest 896 00:56:17,815 --> 00:56:20,780 and now I'm left with a dead farting body. 897 00:56:20,880 --> 00:56:22,782 It looks so familiar. 898 00:56:22,882 --> 00:56:25,552 Meh, probably just my imagination. 899 00:56:25,652 --> 00:56:29,090 What I need to do is center, regroup my thoughts. 900 00:56:29,190 --> 00:56:30,757 I might be seeing things again. 901 00:56:30,858 --> 00:56:35,628 Man, those mushrooms have some gnarly acid flashbacks. 902 00:56:35,728 --> 00:56:37,898 Okay, I need to calm my mind. 903 00:56:37,998 --> 00:56:39,467 I need a zen moment. 904 00:56:39,567 --> 00:56:40,768 I am a woman, 905 00:56:40,867 --> 00:56:41,902 hear me roar. 906 00:56:42,001 --> 00:56:44,788 (animal roars) 907 00:56:45,824 --> 00:56:48,141 Okay, that was in my head, right? 908 00:56:48,242 --> 00:56:49,242 Okay. 909 00:56:53,030 --> 00:56:54,547 I am a woman, 910 00:56:54,648 --> 00:56:55,849 hear me roar. 911 00:56:55,949 --> 00:56:58,568 (animal roars) 912 00:57:08,880 --> 00:57:10,965 So much for tranquility. 913 00:57:11,065 --> 00:57:13,467 And here I was thinking I could reach nirvana, 914 00:57:13,567 --> 00:57:16,186 like that one time in that hot yoga class I tried. 915 00:57:16,987 --> 00:57:19,672 (animal roars) 916 00:57:19,773 --> 00:57:22,559 (Barbi whimpers) 917 00:57:25,764 --> 00:57:28,498 (Barbi screams) 918 00:57:31,702 --> 00:57:34,170 (animal roars) 919 00:57:39,043 --> 00:57:40,777 And now we're all caught up. 920 00:57:43,882 --> 00:57:46,000 I'm getting pretty good at this survival thing. 921 00:57:46,099 --> 00:57:48,501 I just wish I had some pre-workout with me. 922 00:57:48,601 --> 00:57:51,086 Ugh, I miss my Wow Force protein. 923 00:57:53,123 --> 00:57:54,742 But look at me! 924 00:57:54,842 --> 00:57:56,844 I'm getting better at this free-climbing thing. 925 00:57:56,943 --> 00:57:59,012 I'm even starting to enjoy it. 926 00:57:59,112 --> 00:58:00,447 I just wish I brought something 927 00:58:00,547 --> 00:58:02,105 other than high heel sneakers with me, 928 00:58:02,204 --> 00:58:04,985 but then this outfit would not look this cute. 929 00:58:05,085 --> 00:58:06,719 I have this funny feeling 930 00:58:06,820 --> 00:58:09,038 that I might've taken the long way up this mountain. 931 00:58:11,076 --> 00:58:12,942 But maybe there's a signal up there! 932 00:58:14,913 --> 00:58:17,597 There has got to be some signal somewhere 933 00:58:17,697 --> 00:58:19,782 in this nature's bag of dicks. 934 00:58:21,987 --> 00:58:25,840 This fast at cardio is the bomb! 935 00:58:25,940 --> 00:58:29,175 Damn, that was the ultimate burn! 936 00:58:29,275 --> 00:58:31,911 Leg day, smashed! 937 00:58:32,012 --> 00:58:36,266 ("Upbeat Summer Pop" by Borksford) 938 00:58:39,971 --> 00:58:41,655 Oh my god, I can't breathe. 939 00:58:41,755 --> 00:58:43,112 I can't breathe, I can't breathe! 940 00:58:43,213 --> 00:58:44,572 I can't breathe, I can't breathe! 941 00:58:49,914 --> 00:58:52,266 (metallic clattering) (Barbi grunts) 942 00:58:52,365 --> 00:58:53,701 - Whew. 943 00:58:53,800 --> 00:58:56,135 - [Barbi Voiceover] Ugh, much better. 944 00:58:56,235 --> 00:58:58,672 I think I've set some of record for wearing a waist trainer. 945 00:58:58,771 --> 00:59:00,039 I need a break. 946 00:59:00,139 --> 00:59:02,858 That mountain was a little rough for my complexion. 947 00:59:04,061 --> 00:59:05,827 I'm either gonna be glowing or 948 00:59:07,097 --> 00:59:09,048 I'm gonna need some industrial strength facials 949 00:59:09,148 --> 00:59:10,885 when I get out of here. 950 00:59:10,985 --> 00:59:11,985 I mean, 951 00:59:15,106 --> 00:59:17,141 I don't think there's any dirt left on the ground. 952 00:59:17,242 --> 00:59:19,592 It's like all in my pores! 953 00:59:19,693 --> 00:59:22,028 Luckily I'm prepared for this. 954 00:59:22,128 --> 00:59:25,833 My Super Mega Pore Suck mud mask should do the trick. 955 00:59:25,932 --> 00:59:27,090 Just need a place to sit down 956 00:59:27,190 --> 00:59:28,768 and do a little spa treatment. 957 00:59:28,869 --> 00:59:31,920 You know, it's all about personal care and hygiene. 958 00:59:44,034 --> 00:59:46,135 Good thing I'm all alone out here. 959 00:59:46,235 --> 00:59:48,353 I mean, if someone sees me like this, I would just-- 960 00:59:48,452 --> 00:59:50,257 - Die, you faceless form of a space alien! 961 00:59:50,356 --> 00:59:52,077 - Whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, it's me! 962 00:59:54,179 --> 00:59:55,228 - Shit. 963 00:59:55,329 --> 00:59:56,931 Didn't recognize you. 964 00:59:57,030 --> 00:59:58,331 Almost blew your face off. 965 00:59:58,431 --> 01:00:00,182 - I'm doing a little spa treatment. 966 01:00:01,286 --> 01:00:03,103 - Yeah. Maybe I should blow your face off. 967 01:00:03,202 --> 01:00:05,001 Your pores were looking horrible back there. 968 01:00:05,101 --> 01:00:06,155 - I know, right? 969 01:00:07,826 --> 01:00:09,958 - It's all about personal care and hygiene. 970 01:00:11,096 --> 01:00:13,280 What the hell are you still doing here anyway? 971 01:00:13,380 --> 01:00:16,215 (electronic beeping and whirring) 972 01:00:16,315 --> 01:00:18,318 I told you how to get out of here. 973 01:00:18,418 --> 01:00:20,353 - I followed all your directions to the letter 974 01:00:20,454 --> 01:00:23,072 and here I am. 975 01:00:26,077 --> 01:00:27,860 - We need to get out of here, now. 976 01:00:27,960 --> 01:00:30,130 - What are you thinking, cocktails, dancing? 977 01:00:30,230 --> 01:00:32,032 - No, we need ex-fill ASAP. 978 01:00:32,132 --> 01:00:33,701 - Are they a band, they new? 979 01:00:33,800 --> 01:00:34,867 Never heard of them. 980 01:00:34,967 --> 01:00:38,338 (electronic beeping and whirring) 981 01:00:38,438 --> 01:00:42,958 ("Heroic Blockbuster" by WolfSound) 982 01:00:44,228 --> 01:00:45,228 - Oh Jesus. 983 01:00:47,898 --> 01:00:49,650 (sonic whirring) 984 01:00:49,750 --> 01:00:53,202 - That's not exactly a hunting rifle you got there. 985 01:00:54,706 --> 01:00:55,938 - No, it's not. 986 01:00:57,275 --> 01:01:00,143 - You mean you're not hiking or hunting? 987 01:01:01,045 --> 01:01:02,362 - Oh, I'm hunting. 988 01:01:02,463 --> 01:01:04,998 I just hope I get it before it gets me. 989 01:01:05,099 --> 01:01:07,967 (electronic beeping and whirring) 990 01:01:08,068 --> 01:01:10,737 (Barbi screams) 991 01:01:10,838 --> 01:01:12,905 (fist thudding) 992 01:01:13,005 --> 01:01:15,692 (alien roaring) 993 01:01:16,827 --> 01:01:18,824 - [Barbi Voiceover] What the hell, what the hell, 994 01:01:18,925 --> 01:01:20,083 what the hell, what the hell! 995 01:01:20,182 --> 01:01:21,182 I gotta get outta here! 996 01:01:21,282 --> 01:01:22,282 I hate the outdoors! 997 01:01:22,380 --> 01:01:23,884 (alien roaring) 998 01:01:23,983 --> 01:01:25,351 (Kenny grunts) 999 01:01:25,452 --> 01:01:27,820 (electronic beeping and whirring) 1000 01:01:27,920 --> 01:01:30,157 OMG, what should I do? What do I do, what do I do, 1001 01:01:30,257 --> 01:01:31,659 what do I do, what do I do! 1002 01:01:31,759 --> 01:01:33,293 He's like an outdoorsy guy. 1003 01:01:33,393 --> 01:01:34,695 Wait, should I help him? 1004 01:01:34,795 --> 01:01:36,311 Nah, he's fine, he's fine, he's fine. 1005 01:01:36,411 --> 01:01:37,969 I think I'm just gonna get in the way. 1006 01:01:38,068 --> 01:01:39,298 Yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah. 1007 01:01:39,398 --> 01:01:41,101 I'll just text him later. 1008 01:01:41,201 --> 01:01:42,201 He got this. 1009 01:01:42,987 --> 01:01:44,204 What was that? 1010 01:01:44,304 --> 01:01:46,873 That had to be some mutant bear lion octopus. 1011 01:01:46,974 --> 01:01:48,409 Six eyes, tentacles. 1012 01:01:48,509 --> 01:01:50,376 The water must be totally contaminated 1013 01:01:50,476 --> 01:01:51,878 out here or something. 1014 01:01:51,978 --> 01:01:53,246 My mother was right, 1015 01:01:53,347 --> 01:01:57,217 I am gonna die a lonely spinster! 1016 01:01:57,317 --> 01:01:59,318 Well at least my pores are glowing now. 1017 01:01:59,418 --> 01:02:00,420 Not that it matters. 1018 01:02:00,521 --> 01:02:03,791 ("Affective Piano" by EdRecords) 1019 01:02:03,891 --> 01:02:06,092 Oh look, a cave! 1020 01:02:06,193 --> 01:02:10,045 What possible dangers can lurk inside here? 1021 01:02:11,148 --> 01:02:13,900 Ugh, it doesn't matter anymore anyway, does it? 1022 01:02:14,001 --> 01:02:16,335 I'm alone, again! 1023 01:02:16,436 --> 01:02:18,706 Just like my whole life! 1024 01:02:18,806 --> 01:02:20,007 I miss my phone! 1025 01:02:20,106 --> 01:02:23,242 Just holding it makes me feel better! 1026 01:02:23,342 --> 01:02:25,961 I'm severed from the collective! 1027 01:02:27,065 --> 01:02:29,115 I'm never gonna find my way out of here, am I? 1028 01:02:29,215 --> 01:02:33,186 There will be stories of the lonely crazy lady 1029 01:02:33,286 --> 01:02:35,822 who lives up in the cave in the mountains. 1030 01:02:35,922 --> 01:02:38,407 It'll be used to scare children at night. 1031 01:02:39,476 --> 01:02:41,094 I'll just stop shaving, plucking, 1032 01:02:41,195 --> 01:02:43,230 and just let everything go. 1033 01:02:43,329 --> 01:02:45,032 I'll eat pasta, doughnuts, pizza, 1034 01:02:45,132 --> 01:02:48,001 stop doing squats and let my abs get all flabby. 1035 01:02:48,101 --> 01:02:51,003 I mean, who do I need to look good for? 1036 01:02:51,103 --> 01:02:54,875 My whole love life has just been a mess. 1037 01:02:54,974 --> 01:02:57,376 All I wanted was to find a nice guy, 1038 01:02:57,476 --> 01:02:59,746 someone who will love me. 1039 01:02:59,847 --> 01:03:01,981 But who is the real me? 1040 01:03:02,081 --> 01:03:04,184 I'm not exactly a good person. 1041 01:03:04,284 --> 01:03:07,353 I mean, I just left that guy to die. 1042 01:03:07,454 --> 01:03:09,088 He was out there screaming, 1043 01:03:09,188 --> 01:03:11,958 and I just kinda ran away, 1044 01:03:12,059 --> 01:03:13,427 not to mention poor Jake. 1045 01:03:13,527 --> 01:03:17,898 I have like the worst luck ever. 1046 01:03:17,998 --> 01:03:20,382 Now that I've seen more of the world, 1047 01:03:20,483 --> 01:03:22,869 I guess it's not so important to have a million followers. 1048 01:03:22,969 --> 01:03:26,373 Kenny's probably some special forces black ops guy 1049 01:03:26,472 --> 01:03:29,943 who doesn't even have a real identity, like my dad. 1050 01:03:30,043 --> 01:03:33,347 He's not even online and he's still hot. 1051 01:03:33,447 --> 01:03:36,250 Hot guys without social media? 1052 01:03:36,349 --> 01:03:38,217 Is that even possible? 1053 01:03:38,318 --> 01:03:39,887 Poor Kenny and Jake. 1054 01:03:39,987 --> 01:03:45,007 OMG, does this make me like a black widow? 1055 01:03:45,309 --> 01:03:46,309 R.I.P. 1056 01:03:46,409 --> 01:03:48,077 They were so lit. 1057 01:03:54,152 --> 01:03:55,302 (Barbi gasps) 1058 01:03:55,402 --> 01:03:58,472 ("Energetic Tropical Pop" by KakaduCreation) 1059 01:03:58,572 --> 01:03:59,572 Huh? 1060 01:04:00,673 --> 01:04:03,358 Ah, it was a dream. 1061 01:04:04,494 --> 01:04:05,494 Ugh. 1062 01:04:05,594 --> 01:04:07,262 Oh, thank goodness. 1063 01:04:08,867 --> 01:04:10,117 (Barbi sighs) 1064 01:04:10,217 --> 01:04:12,617 (Barbi hums) 1065 01:04:13,253 --> 01:04:16,271 Oh, hello room, I've missed you. 1066 01:04:17,407 --> 01:04:20,007 (Barbi purrs) 1067 01:04:24,282 --> 01:04:25,282 Still got it. 1068 01:04:28,152 --> 01:04:29,152 Mm! 1069 01:04:30,221 --> 01:04:32,588 (Barbi gasps) 1070 01:04:33,992 --> 01:04:37,626 ("Dirty Pitch" by Shadowkey) 1071 01:05:09,193 --> 01:05:11,661 (man chanting) 1072 01:05:41,259 --> 01:05:42,259 - Hello? 1073 01:05:43,628 --> 01:05:46,461 - Hello, daughter of the universe. 1074 01:05:48,398 --> 01:05:50,416 - My mom's name is Diane. 1075 01:05:50,516 --> 01:05:53,320 - We are all children of the universe. 1076 01:05:53,420 --> 01:05:55,289 No need to worry. 1077 01:05:55,389 --> 01:05:57,356 Nothing happens randomly. 1078 01:05:57,456 --> 01:06:00,543 There is a divine path to everything. 1079 01:06:01,346 --> 01:06:03,346 We are all but stardust. 1080 01:06:04,414 --> 01:06:05,498 - Uh-huh. 1081 01:06:05,599 --> 01:06:07,367 - The paths you have chosen 1082 01:06:07,467 --> 01:06:10,619 and the decisions you've made led you here. 1083 01:06:12,623 --> 01:06:14,141 - Uh-huh. 1084 01:06:14,240 --> 01:06:15,639 - And what have you learned so far 1085 01:06:15,739 --> 01:06:17,360 from your journey, my child? 1086 01:06:18,496 --> 01:06:21,148 - Not to wear high-heeled sneakers while hiking. 1087 01:06:21,248 --> 01:06:23,416 - Well, that's a start. 1088 01:06:23,516 --> 01:06:25,634 But what have you learned with your heart? 1089 01:06:27,038 --> 01:06:29,188 - Not to lie on my dating profile. 1090 01:06:29,289 --> 01:06:30,690 - Closer. 1091 01:06:30,791 --> 01:06:33,393 Think beyond here. 1092 01:06:33,492 --> 01:06:34,594 - I don't know. 1093 01:06:34,693 --> 01:06:37,063 I've seen some ratchet shit out there. 1094 01:06:37,164 --> 01:06:38,965 - You have questions. 1095 01:06:39,065 --> 01:06:40,701 - Yeah, how do I get out of here? 1096 01:06:40,800 --> 01:06:42,969 - Excellent question. 1097 01:06:43,070 --> 01:06:44,972 The body is just a mortal coil 1098 01:06:45,072 --> 01:06:46,572 that we're all trapped in. 1099 01:06:46,672 --> 01:06:48,240 But if you free your mind, 1100 01:06:48,340 --> 01:06:52,144 it will flow with the energy of the universe. 1101 01:06:52,244 --> 01:06:54,280 I can teach you ancient techniques. 1102 01:06:54,380 --> 01:06:57,583 - No, no, I mean how do I get out of here? 1103 01:06:57,684 --> 01:07:00,987 Oh, oh, do you get bars in here? 1104 01:07:01,088 --> 01:07:02,088 - No. 1105 01:07:02,222 --> 01:07:04,657 Ask yourself deeper questions. 1106 01:07:04,757 --> 01:07:08,461 - Oh, you mean like meaningful questions. 1107 01:07:08,561 --> 01:07:10,230 - Yes, exactly. 1108 01:07:10,329 --> 01:07:11,465 Ask, my child. 1109 01:07:11,565 --> 01:07:15,784 ("Indian Meditation" by Honey Lemon) 1110 01:07:17,255 --> 01:07:19,012 - How is Jessica getting all her followers? 1111 01:07:19,112 --> 01:07:20,623 She's buying her likes, isn't she? 1112 01:07:21,391 --> 01:07:22,458 - Oh my god. 1113 01:07:23,260 --> 01:07:24,260 Is she real? 1114 01:07:29,534 --> 01:07:30,666 Let me tell you a secret. 1115 01:07:31,802 --> 01:07:34,286 The ultimate answer you're looking for, 1116 01:07:34,387 --> 01:07:36,023 it will end your search 1117 01:07:36,123 --> 01:07:38,692 and will take you to a new level of consciousness. 1118 01:07:38,791 --> 01:07:41,628 Space time will come together, and your 1119 01:07:41,728 --> 01:07:43,530 questions will be answered. - Huh? 1120 01:07:43,630 --> 01:07:46,565 - For example, when the ancient gods came down 1121 01:07:46,666 --> 01:07:48,101 in their flying chariots 1122 01:07:48,201 --> 01:07:50,585 and seeded mankind with their DNA, 1123 01:07:51,422 --> 01:07:53,373 the aliens never left. 1124 01:07:53,472 --> 01:07:55,391 They're still here. 1125 01:07:55,490 --> 01:07:57,487 Touchy-feely Chuck, Bob, and Steve tried to help, 1126 01:07:57,588 --> 01:07:59,478 but accidentally caused the disco era 1127 01:07:59,579 --> 01:08:01,213 and the porn industry. 1128 01:08:01,313 --> 01:08:02,672 Then there are the lizard people. 1129 01:08:02,771 --> 01:08:04,351 Total assholes! 1130 01:08:04,451 --> 01:08:07,420 Homeland Security was founded to keep them in check. 1131 01:08:07,521 --> 01:08:08,755 They created the internet 1132 01:08:08,855 --> 01:08:11,525 to distract the people from what's really going on. 1133 01:08:11,625 --> 01:08:12,826 And that is the secret wisdom 1134 01:08:12,925 --> 01:08:16,063 that only a few chosen have ever been given. 1135 01:08:16,162 --> 01:08:19,666 The knowledge will alter the very fabric of the universe 1136 01:08:19,765 --> 01:08:22,685 and free your mind of enslavement. 1137 01:08:24,555 --> 01:08:27,389 - Yeah, I'm gonna go now. 1138 01:08:29,594 --> 01:08:31,377 What a weirdo. 1139 01:08:31,478 --> 01:08:32,528 - What, really? 1140 01:08:34,698 --> 01:08:37,699 Looks like I picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue. 1141 01:08:39,737 --> 01:08:42,088 (sharp inhaling) 1142 01:08:42,189 --> 01:08:45,207 (zen master groans) 1143 01:08:50,847 --> 01:08:53,600 - [Barbi Voiceover] Oh my god, what is wrong with me? 1144 01:08:53,699 --> 01:08:55,702 Why am I such a perv? 1145 01:08:55,801 --> 01:08:58,505 That guy had super important junk to say. 1146 01:08:58,604 --> 01:08:59,840 Do I need help? 1147 01:08:59,939 --> 01:09:03,626 ("Summer Party" by MrRevant) 1148 01:09:23,881 --> 01:09:26,666 (record scratches) 1149 01:09:26,765 --> 01:09:28,917 - [Jessica and Barbi] O.M.G. 1150 01:09:29,819 --> 01:09:32,538 - Barbi? - Jessica? 1151 01:09:32,639 --> 01:09:34,515 - [Jessica and Barbi] What are you doing here? 1152 01:09:34,615 --> 01:09:36,492 - I didn't know you hiked these trails. 1153 01:09:39,663 --> 01:09:41,262 Are you totally copying me? 1154 01:09:42,199 --> 01:09:43,798 - Wait a minute, what trails? 1155 01:09:44,868 --> 01:09:47,670 - The trail that's like 10 feet that way. 1156 01:09:53,677 --> 01:09:54,677 - What? 1157 01:09:56,613 --> 01:09:58,198 - I come here every day. 1158 01:09:58,297 --> 01:10:00,815 How do you think I get those inspirational selfies? 1159 01:10:01,719 --> 01:10:02,868 - You get those here? 1160 01:10:02,969 --> 01:10:04,368 - Yeah. 1161 01:10:05,404 --> 01:10:06,404 - Bag of dicks. 1162 01:10:11,529 --> 01:10:12,529 - Wow. 1163 01:10:14,465 --> 01:10:15,663 You're wearing that? 1164 01:10:17,635 --> 01:10:18,867 Brave choice. 1165 01:10:21,538 --> 01:10:23,523 So, where have you been? 1166 01:10:23,622 --> 01:10:25,658 You haven't like uploaded in like two days. 1167 01:10:25,759 --> 01:10:27,243 People think you're dead. 1168 01:10:27,912 --> 01:10:28,912 Yeah. 1169 01:10:29,662 --> 01:10:32,298 There's like Where's Barbi memes all over the web. 1170 01:10:32,399 --> 01:10:33,399 - Really? 1171 01:10:34,518 --> 01:10:35,551 I was here. 1172 01:10:36,621 --> 01:10:37,621 - Here? 1173 01:10:37,720 --> 01:10:39,372 Like here? 1174 01:10:39,471 --> 01:10:40,573 For two days? 1175 01:10:40,673 --> 01:10:42,742 - Yeah, I was totally lost. 1176 01:10:42,841 --> 01:10:44,578 - No way! 1177 01:10:44,677 --> 01:10:46,512 Shut up, shut up! 1178 01:10:46,613 --> 01:10:47,980 (Jessica gasps) 1179 01:10:48,081 --> 01:10:49,998 You were here, lost for two days? 1180 01:10:51,601 --> 01:10:52,900 What about the internets? 1181 01:10:54,771 --> 01:10:56,722 - Well, I had no signal, 1182 01:10:56,823 --> 01:10:58,806 and then naturally, my cellphone died. 1183 01:11:02,479 --> 01:11:03,878 - You poor thing. 1184 01:11:05,349 --> 01:11:06,632 (laughs) But thanks. 1185 01:11:06,733 --> 01:11:07,733 Now that you're gone, 1186 01:11:07,832 --> 01:11:09,069 everyone has dropped your feed, 1187 01:11:09,170 --> 01:11:12,338 and I'm the number one new selfie queen. 1188 01:11:12,439 --> 01:11:13,588 You snooze you lose. 1189 01:11:15,292 --> 01:11:16,743 - Bitch! (laughs) 1190 01:11:16,842 --> 01:11:19,613 I totally knew that you were stealing my followers 1191 01:11:19,712 --> 01:11:21,363 and paying for subscribers. 1192 01:11:21,998 --> 01:11:22,998 - Whatever. 1193 01:11:24,502 --> 01:11:27,069 I just have so many companies wanting to do collabs with me. 1194 01:11:28,672 --> 01:11:31,358 I'm making so much money. 1195 01:11:31,457 --> 01:11:34,510 (laughs) Good luck making a comeback. 1196 01:11:35,546 --> 01:11:36,944 - At least my followers were real. 1197 01:11:37,043 --> 01:11:40,082 - Aw, you're just a sore loser. 1198 01:11:41,819 --> 01:11:42,917 And by the way, 1199 01:11:44,587 --> 01:11:46,921 you look like you haven't been doing your squats. 1200 01:11:47,992 --> 01:11:49,591 Your ass is looking flat. 1201 01:11:57,568 --> 01:11:59,100 Jesus, Barbi. 1202 01:12:00,438 --> 01:12:02,537 You get lost in the woods for two days 1203 01:12:03,541 --> 01:12:05,974 and you just let everything go. 1204 01:12:06,810 --> 01:12:07,810 Ugh! 1205 01:12:08,427 --> 01:12:10,497 ("Days of High Adventure" by Cinematique) 1206 01:12:10,596 --> 01:12:11,596 Burn! 1207 01:12:11,695 --> 01:12:13,430 (blasting) 1208 01:12:13,867 --> 01:12:14,967 (Barbi screams) 1209 01:12:15,068 --> 01:12:16,068 - It burns! 1210 01:12:17,854 --> 01:12:18,854 Burn. 1211 01:12:19,890 --> 01:12:20,890 - Yeah, burn. 1212 01:12:21,759 --> 01:12:22,759 Tss! 1213 01:12:22,908 --> 01:12:25,878 Too bad you didn't have that burn to keep you warm 1214 01:12:25,979 --> 01:12:28,029 when you slept here for the past two nights. 1215 01:12:28,865 --> 01:12:31,751 - Throwing some bad shade, girl. 1216 01:12:31,850 --> 01:12:33,435 - (laughs) Here's more. 1217 01:12:35,439 --> 01:12:37,038 Are you wearing your waist trainer? 1218 01:12:39,944 --> 01:12:41,476 - Mm, no. 1219 01:12:42,380 --> 01:12:43,612 - You should be. 1220 01:12:44,614 --> 01:12:46,832 You're looking a little soft. 1221 01:12:46,932 --> 01:12:48,835 Have you been skipping ab day too? 1222 01:12:48,935 --> 01:12:50,737 - I was-- - Oh well. 1223 01:12:50,837 --> 01:12:51,871 Good luck. 1224 01:12:51,970 --> 01:12:55,809 I still can't believe you got lost out here for two days. 1225 01:12:55,908 --> 01:13:00,863 There are like trails everywhere. (laughs) 1226 01:13:01,865 --> 01:13:03,416 You're such a basic, Barbi. 1227 01:13:03,515 --> 01:13:05,885 Laters! (laughs) 1228 01:13:05,984 --> 01:13:07,854 Oh my god, guys, guess what? 1229 01:13:07,953 --> 01:13:09,988 I totally just ran into this homeless girl. 1230 01:13:10,088 --> 01:13:11,573 Look at her, right there. 1231 01:13:12,443 --> 01:13:14,060 (Jessica laughs) 1232 01:13:14,159 --> 01:13:16,695 She tried to mug me! 1233 01:13:16,796 --> 01:13:18,113 Like what the eff? 1234 01:13:18,916 --> 01:13:20,667 Hash tag real life. 1235 01:13:20,766 --> 01:13:21,900 I'm not kidding, people. 1236 01:13:22,001 --> 01:13:25,604 Like this happened, right here, right now. 1237 01:13:25,704 --> 01:13:29,975 (Jessica squeals and laughs) 1238 01:13:30,076 --> 01:13:31,426 What the heck? 1239 01:13:32,829 --> 01:13:35,648 I don't even have like a, a knife on me or anything, 1240 01:13:35,747 --> 01:13:36,783 I don't. (Jessica gasps) 1241 01:13:36,882 --> 01:13:38,952 Oh my god, she's looking frantic. 1242 01:13:39,051 --> 01:13:40,850 I mean, look at her, she's in a pink jacket. 1243 01:13:40,949 --> 01:13:42,985 Like, I don't even know what she's doing out here. 1244 01:13:43,086 --> 01:13:44,922 - Bag of dicks! - She tried to steal from me. 1245 01:13:45,023 --> 01:13:46,301 - [Jessica] (laughs) Like, what? 1246 01:13:46,400 --> 01:13:47,400 - [Barbi Voiceover] Wait. 1247 01:13:47,500 --> 01:13:48,500 Where's that trail? 1248 01:13:48,599 --> 01:13:49,599 It was right there. 1249 01:13:49,698 --> 01:13:51,055 She pointed to it and everything. 1250 01:13:51,155 --> 01:13:52,155 Where did it go? 1251 01:13:52,255 --> 01:13:53,653 - I'm gonna die out here, I swear. 1252 01:13:53,752 --> 01:13:55,068 I'm totally gonna die out here. 1253 01:13:55,167 --> 01:13:57,019 How is this possible? 1254 01:13:58,154 --> 01:13:59,154 What? 1255 01:13:59,639 --> 01:14:01,807 - [Barbi Voiceover] Well, that's it, 1256 01:14:01,908 --> 01:14:03,810 I'm officially a has-been. 1257 01:14:03,909 --> 01:14:04,909 Dead to the world. 1258 01:14:05,009 --> 01:14:06,011 She's won. 1259 01:14:06,112 --> 01:14:07,747 I'm done, it's over. 1260 01:14:07,846 --> 01:14:10,966 Jessica has finally got what she wanted and replaced me. 1261 01:14:12,069 --> 01:14:13,853 I might as well go back to the cave 1262 01:14:13,953 --> 01:14:17,724 and party with Red Riding Hood and hair tutorial girl. 1263 01:14:17,823 --> 01:14:19,024 I'll marry butter knife guy 1264 01:14:19,125 --> 01:14:22,561 and we'll have little cave-dwelling monks together. 1265 01:14:22,662 --> 01:14:25,931 Maybe we'll get a reality show! 1266 01:14:26,032 --> 01:14:27,114 The Brennans! 1267 01:14:29,686 --> 01:14:32,005 Hey, is that Kenny? 1268 01:14:32,104 --> 01:14:33,840 He's still alive? 1269 01:14:33,939 --> 01:14:36,692 Does that mean I'm not a black widow? 1270 01:14:38,828 --> 01:14:40,729 - Oh hey, you again. 1271 01:14:41,698 --> 01:14:43,149 Are you okay? 1272 01:14:43,248 --> 01:14:44,248 - It's dangerous. 1273 01:14:44,347 --> 01:14:46,019 You need to leave, now! 1274 01:14:46,118 --> 01:14:47,118 - Obviously. 1275 01:14:47,217 --> 01:14:49,055 What the hell is going on? 1276 01:14:49,154 --> 01:14:52,039 Every time I see you it's some new shit. 1277 01:14:53,143 --> 01:14:54,927 That looks disgusting. 1278 01:14:55,028 --> 01:14:56,729 What happened to your leg! 1279 01:14:56,828 --> 01:14:58,131 - It's classified. 1280 01:14:58,230 --> 01:15:01,149 I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you. 1281 01:15:02,152 --> 01:15:04,819 Which at this point might not be a bad idea. 1282 01:15:05,890 --> 01:15:08,122 - Ugh, doesn't matter, I'm already dead. 1283 01:15:10,927 --> 01:15:12,961 (Kenny groans) 1284 01:15:16,934 --> 01:15:17,934 - Fine. 1285 01:15:18,033 --> 01:15:19,230 I work for a government agency 1286 01:15:19,770 --> 01:15:21,820 that deals with extraterrestrial allies. 1287 01:15:21,921 --> 01:15:24,923 - Oh, you mean those three little gray guys in the forest? 1288 01:15:25,024 --> 01:15:27,175 I thought I was totally tripping balls. 1289 01:15:28,011 --> 01:15:29,877 - You met Chuck, Bob, and Steve? 1290 01:15:30,814 --> 01:15:32,146 - I think so, maybe. 1291 01:15:34,018 --> 01:15:35,583 - Does it hurt when you sit? 1292 01:15:38,588 --> 01:15:39,905 - A little. 1293 01:15:40,006 --> 01:15:41,405 - Yeah. 1294 01:15:41,707 --> 01:15:43,976 I think back on their planet that means you're married. 1295 01:15:44,077 --> 01:15:45,077 - Oh, ew! 1296 01:15:45,176 --> 01:15:46,176 No way! 1297 01:15:47,096 --> 01:15:48,096 Ugh! 1298 01:15:48,195 --> 01:15:49,648 Wait, hold on a second, 1299 01:15:49,747 --> 01:15:51,667 if they're friendly, why are you fighting them? 1300 01:15:52,136 --> 01:15:54,336 - No, I'm not fighting them. 1301 01:15:55,573 --> 01:15:57,090 Chuck, Bob, and Steve are great guys. 1302 01:15:57,189 --> 01:15:59,740 A little touchy-feely, but still great guys. 1303 01:16:01,011 --> 01:16:02,295 I'm fighting the other guys. 1304 01:16:02,395 --> 01:16:03,796 - What other guys? 1305 01:16:03,895 --> 01:16:06,131 - The eat your face off acid for blood 1306 01:16:06,231 --> 01:16:08,667 world domination ones. 1307 01:16:08,768 --> 01:16:11,304 Look, there's a lot of shit going on here, 1308 01:16:11,404 --> 01:16:13,706 but I don't have time to tell you all that right now. 1309 01:16:13,805 --> 01:16:14,805 - Uh, yeah. 1310 01:16:16,126 --> 01:16:18,859 (deep rumbling) 1311 01:16:21,265 --> 01:16:22,622 (electronic beeping and whirring) 1312 01:16:22,722 --> 01:16:24,850 (alien babbling) 1313 01:16:24,951 --> 01:16:29,104 ("Heroic Blockbuster" by WolfSound) 1314 01:17:42,078 --> 01:17:43,363 - [Barbi Voiceover] Wait! 1315 01:17:43,462 --> 01:17:45,832 What am I doing? 1316 01:17:45,931 --> 01:17:48,001 I can't just leave him again! 1317 01:17:48,100 --> 01:17:50,002 He's saved my ass like three times already! 1318 01:17:50,103 --> 01:17:52,671 This might be the perfect opportunity 1319 01:17:52,771 --> 01:17:55,408 for me to actually do something good! 1320 01:17:55,507 --> 01:17:58,144 It's not like I have anything else to live for. 1321 01:17:58,243 --> 01:18:01,680 I have to change my goals from taking the best selfies 1322 01:18:01,780 --> 01:18:05,217 to making the world a better place! 1323 01:18:05,318 --> 01:18:07,770 From this day forth, 1324 01:18:07,869 --> 01:18:10,323 I'll never again take a box of doughnuts to Weight Watchers! 1325 01:18:10,422 --> 01:18:14,761 I'll never watch another house full of kittens burn down! 1326 01:18:14,860 --> 01:18:18,698 I will never again sell Ziploc bags full of corn syrup 1327 01:18:18,797 --> 01:18:21,701 as breast implants to cancer survivors on the Dark Web. 1328 01:18:21,801 --> 01:18:25,238 I will never again donate my parents' used sex toys 1329 01:18:25,337 --> 01:18:27,655 to children's charity. 1330 01:18:27,756 --> 01:18:30,074 I will never again sell orphans into slavery! 1331 01:18:30,175 --> 01:18:34,846 I will never again set the homeless on fire just for lulz! 1332 01:18:34,947 --> 01:18:37,315 I will not sit by and watch another old lady 1333 01:18:37,416 --> 01:18:40,052 get dragged off by coyotes. 1334 01:18:40,153 --> 01:18:42,470 Never again! 1335 01:18:42,570 --> 01:18:44,890 And I will never, ever eat anything 1336 01:18:44,989 --> 01:18:48,009 that doesn't say gluten-free! 1337 01:18:49,313 --> 01:18:51,313 If only I had my eyes open. 1338 01:18:53,082 --> 01:18:55,467 Not always staring at my phone! 1339 01:18:55,568 --> 01:18:57,319 Paid more attention! 1340 01:18:59,256 --> 01:19:00,788 What am I missing? 1341 01:19:01,958 --> 01:19:06,862 ("Heroic and Powerful Epic" by vmv_music) 1342 01:19:28,085 --> 01:19:30,985 (lasers blasting) 1343 01:20:16,233 --> 01:20:18,083 There is so much more to this world 1344 01:20:18,184 --> 01:20:20,353 than what I see on that tiny screen. 1345 01:20:20,453 --> 01:20:24,489 I'm gonna make amends for all the things I did wrong. 1346 01:20:24,590 --> 01:20:29,427 Somehow, I will take responsibility for my actions. 1347 01:20:29,528 --> 01:20:33,431 I will make the world a better place. 1348 01:20:33,532 --> 01:20:35,902 It's time for me 1349 01:20:36,002 --> 01:20:40,454 to finally grab that bag of dicks by the balls. 1350 01:20:42,592 --> 01:20:45,792 And I start now! 1351 01:20:51,568 --> 01:20:56,604 (lasers blasting) (bear roaring) 1352 01:21:03,479 --> 01:21:06,514 (sonic whirring) 1353 01:21:08,284 --> 01:21:12,003 (electronic beeping) 1354 01:21:12,104 --> 01:21:14,956 (Kenny cries out) 1355 01:21:21,899 --> 01:21:24,365 (gun whirring) 1356 01:21:25,903 --> 01:21:27,903 (blasting) 1357 01:21:31,574 --> 01:21:35,461 (electricity buzzing) 1358 01:21:35,560 --> 01:21:40,582 (electronic beeping) (alien babbling) 1359 01:21:42,118 --> 01:21:43,536 (explosion booming) 1360 01:21:43,636 --> 01:21:45,238 (Kenny grunts) 1361 01:21:45,337 --> 01:21:49,524 (electronic beeping and whirring) 1362 01:21:51,328 --> 01:21:53,328 (blasting) 1363 01:22:40,176 --> 01:22:41,877 - [Barbi] Are you okay? 1364 01:22:41,976 --> 01:22:43,974 - My leg's pointed in three different directions. 1365 01:22:44,073 --> 01:22:47,033 I wish that beam put me together a little bit straighter. 1366 01:22:47,132 --> 01:22:48,600 (Kenny groans) 1367 01:22:48,701 --> 01:22:49,701 Ow! 1368 01:22:49,800 --> 01:22:51,436 Oh, easy kid. 1369 01:22:51,537 --> 01:22:53,055 Where'd you learn to shoot like that? 1370 01:22:53,154 --> 01:22:54,539 - I'm from Texas. 1371 01:22:54,640 --> 01:22:56,007 My dad was a Marine, 1372 01:22:56,108 --> 01:22:58,426 and my granny has a bigger gun than yours. 1373 01:22:59,395 --> 01:23:01,279 (Kenny laughs and groans) 1374 01:23:01,380 --> 01:23:02,380 This is gonna hurt. 1375 01:23:02,479 --> 01:23:04,532 - Are you sure you know what you're doing? 1376 01:23:05,402 --> 01:23:06,402 - Um, nah. 1377 01:23:07,104 --> 01:23:09,154 (cracking) (Kenny screams) 1378 01:23:09,255 --> 01:23:11,457 (Kenny grunts) 1379 01:23:11,556 --> 01:23:12,606 - Thanks. 1380 01:23:13,577 --> 01:23:14,577 Looks ratchet. 1381 01:23:20,016 --> 01:23:21,399 What the hell are you doing? 1382 01:23:21,500 --> 01:23:22,751 - Taking off a waist trainer. 1383 01:23:24,121 --> 01:23:25,877 - What the hell are you gonna do with that? 1384 01:23:25,978 --> 01:23:26,978 Won't fit my waist. 1385 01:23:27,077 --> 01:23:29,175 (Kenny and Barbi laughing) 1386 01:23:29,274 --> 01:23:30,676 - It's steel-boned. 1387 01:23:30,775 --> 01:23:32,594 - Oh you've gotta be kidding me. 1388 01:23:33,529 --> 01:23:35,347 (Kenny groans) 1389 01:23:35,448 --> 01:23:36,530 - I am not kidding you. 1390 01:23:38,268 --> 01:23:39,600 - Pink is not my color. 1391 01:23:40,503 --> 01:23:42,170 - It's gonna have to work for now. 1392 01:23:43,305 --> 01:23:45,224 There was a girl in a suit in the forest 1393 01:23:45,323 --> 01:23:46,391 stuck under a rock. 1394 01:23:46,492 --> 01:23:48,394 Do you know what happened to her? 1395 01:23:48,493 --> 01:23:50,997 - Um, yeah, it's kinda messy. 1396 01:23:51,096 --> 01:23:54,500 Um, rogue double agent, Homeland Security, 1397 01:23:54,600 --> 01:23:56,350 stole something very valuable. 1398 01:23:57,453 --> 01:23:59,554 You haven't seen a briefcase around here, have you? 1399 01:24:08,230 --> 01:24:09,715 - You mean this? 1400 01:24:09,814 --> 01:24:14,414 - Um, yeah, that's, uh, 1401 01:24:14,587 --> 01:24:16,070 that's definitely it. 1402 01:24:19,242 --> 01:24:20,242 Thanks. 1403 01:24:20,341 --> 01:24:22,676 - Um, this looks pretty good. 1404 01:24:24,146 --> 01:24:25,146 Can you move? 1405 01:24:25,246 --> 01:24:26,564 - Yeah, I can move. 1406 01:24:26,664 --> 01:24:28,483 I can't dance, but I can move. 1407 01:24:34,157 --> 01:24:37,208 You know, you're pretty good at this. 1408 01:24:37,309 --> 01:24:39,627 You ever considered a career in government work? 1409 01:24:40,564 --> 01:24:42,002 Could use someone with your skills, 1410 01:24:42,101 --> 01:24:44,115 but you'd have to leave your old life behind. 1411 01:24:44,216 --> 01:24:47,286 - Well, I've been offline for two days, 1412 01:24:47,386 --> 01:24:49,488 so everybody already thinks I'm dead. 1413 01:24:49,587 --> 01:24:53,373 - (laughs) We can give you a cool code name like, uh, 1414 01:24:54,344 --> 01:24:55,344 Ronan. 1415 01:24:56,445 --> 01:24:58,764 - Oh, samurai with no master. 1416 01:24:58,863 --> 01:24:59,863 I like it. 1417 01:25:00,750 --> 01:25:02,167 - Oh that's actually just the name 1418 01:25:02,268 --> 01:25:03,904 of my favorite sushi joint down in Soho, 1419 01:25:04,005 --> 01:25:05,171 but I like what you said too. 1420 01:25:05,270 --> 01:25:07,439 - Hey, Chuck, Bob, and Steve, 1421 01:25:07,539 --> 01:25:10,275 why aren't they helping you fight the bad guys? 1422 01:25:10,376 --> 01:25:12,610 - (laughs) No, those guys are lovers, not fighters, 1423 01:25:12,711 --> 01:25:14,579 but they make great tech. 1424 01:25:14,680 --> 01:25:15,680 Here, hold this. 1425 01:25:22,372 --> 01:25:25,356 Yeah, need immediate extraction. 1426 01:25:25,457 --> 01:25:27,259 - You talk to your MP3 player? 1427 01:25:27,359 --> 01:25:28,359 (Kenny laughs) 1428 01:25:28,457 --> 01:25:31,279 (sonic whooshing) 1429 01:25:39,355 --> 01:25:42,422 You know, you're, you're kinda cute. 1430 01:25:43,726 --> 01:25:45,225 Welcome to your new life. 1431 01:25:46,896 --> 01:25:47,896 Take us up. 1432 01:25:49,565 --> 01:25:51,365 (zapping) 1433 01:25:52,251 --> 01:25:54,903 (sonic whooshing) 1434 01:26:02,511 --> 01:26:05,712 (pterodactyl screeches) 1435 01:26:08,717 --> 01:26:10,301 ♪ Always taking ♪ 1436 01:26:10,402 --> 01:26:12,171 ♪ Never making ♪ 1437 01:26:12,270 --> 01:26:16,442 ♪ Be careful what you choose ♪ 1438 01:26:16,542 --> 01:26:21,563 ♪ One day the users bill will come too ♪ 1439 01:26:25,835 --> 01:26:28,453 ♪ Breaking Barbi ♪ 1440 01:26:28,554 --> 01:26:30,305 - [Barbi] Hey, hey, there's my car! 1441 01:26:30,974 --> 01:26:32,390 (aliens babbling) 1442 01:26:32,490 --> 01:26:34,328 No no no, you guys can just drop me off here. 1443 01:26:34,429 --> 01:26:35,759 (zapping) 1444 01:26:36,694 --> 01:26:38,363 (pterodactyl screeches) 1445 01:26:38,463 --> 01:26:39,863 Thanks! 1446 01:26:40,298 --> 01:26:43,301 - [Barbi Voiceover] Wow, not bad for a long weekend. 1447 01:26:43,402 --> 01:26:45,837 Three husbands, and Kenny's kinda cute. 1448 01:26:45,938 --> 01:26:48,873 I'm sure Chuck, Bob, and Steve are gonna be totally chill 1449 01:26:48,974 --> 01:26:50,676 with me seeing other people. 1450 01:26:50,775 --> 01:26:52,645 If it's outside the solar system, 1451 01:26:52,744 --> 01:26:55,381 it probably doesn't count, right? 1452 01:26:55,480 --> 01:26:57,582 So much for being a spinster. 1453 01:26:57,682 --> 01:27:00,734 I can't wait to go home and take a nice shower. 1454 01:27:01,671 --> 01:27:02,671 Oh, wait. 1455 01:27:02,770 --> 01:27:04,689 I need my keys, duh. 1456 01:27:04,789 --> 01:27:06,257 Where did I put those? 1457 01:27:06,358 --> 01:27:08,327 Gotta be in here somewhere. 1458 01:27:08,426 --> 01:27:09,711 I left them right here. 1459 01:27:11,780 --> 01:27:12,814 I left them right here. 1460 01:27:14,618 --> 01:27:15,701 Oh no. 1461 01:27:15,801 --> 01:27:17,652 Where did I leave them last? 1462 01:27:18,520 --> 01:27:21,756 (electronic whirring) 1463 01:27:23,760 --> 01:27:27,345 - Hey, can I, can I put my keys on you? 1464 01:27:27,445 --> 01:27:28,747 - [Jake] Yeah, sure. 1465 01:27:28,846 --> 01:27:31,716 ("Upbeat Summer Pop" by Borksford) 1466 01:27:31,817 --> 01:27:33,484 (key chain squeaks) 1467 01:27:33,585 --> 01:27:36,788 (electronic whirring) 1468 01:27:36,889 --> 01:27:40,693 - [Barbi Voiceover] OMG, that's right. 1469 01:27:40,792 --> 01:27:41,792 - Bag of dick! 1470 01:27:46,582 --> 01:27:48,701 - [Barbi Voiceover] You're right, after all that. 1471 01:27:48,801 --> 01:27:50,769 I had a spaceship, 1472 01:27:50,868 --> 01:27:52,971 and now I have to take the bus. 1473 01:27:53,072 --> 01:27:54,072 Worst 1474 01:27:54,872 --> 01:27:55,872 weekend 1475 01:27:56,693 --> 01:27:57,693 ever. 1476 01:28:05,534 --> 01:28:07,453 ♪ Breaking Barbi ♪ 1477 01:28:07,552 --> 01:28:09,454 ♪ Breaking Barbi ♪ 1478 01:28:09,555 --> 01:28:11,523 ♪ Breaking Barbi ♪ 1479 01:28:11,622 --> 01:28:15,222 ♪ Breaking Barbi ♪ 1480 01:28:17,346 --> 01:28:18,730 ♪ Always taking ♪ 1481 01:28:18,831 --> 01:28:20,565 ♪ Never making ♪ 1482 01:28:20,666 --> 01:28:24,703 ♪ Be careful what you choose ♪ 1483 01:28:24,802 --> 01:28:29,823 ♪ One day the users bill will come too ♪ 1484 01:28:34,363 --> 01:28:36,347 ♪ Breaking Barbi ♪ 1485 01:28:36,448 --> 01:28:38,449 ♪ Breaking Barbi ♪ 1486 01:28:38,550 --> 01:28:40,519 ♪ Breaking Barbi ♪ 1487 01:28:40,618 --> 01:28:41,619 ♪ Breaking Barbi ♪ 1488 01:28:41,720 --> 01:28:42,720 ♪ Yo yo yo ♪ 1489 01:28:42,819 --> 01:28:44,657 ♪ Breaking Barbi ♪ 1490 01:28:44,756 --> 01:28:45,756 ♪ Breaking Barbi ♪ 1491 01:28:45,855 --> 01:28:46,855 ♪ Yo yo yo ♪ 1492 01:28:46,954 --> 01:28:48,827 ♪ Breaking Barbi ♪ 1493 01:28:48,926 --> 01:28:50,863 ♪ Breaking Barbi ♪ 1494 01:28:50,962 --> 01:28:52,730 ♪ Breaking Barbi ♪ 1495 01:28:52,831 --> 01:28:54,800 ♪ Breaking Barbi ♪ 1496 01:28:54,899 --> 01:28:56,868 ♪ Breaking Barbi ♪ 1497 01:28:56,969 --> 01:28:58,936 ♪ Breaking Barbi ♪ 1498 01:28:59,037 --> 01:29:00,939 ♪ Breaking Barbi ♪ 1499 01:29:01,038 --> 01:29:03,042 ♪ Breaking Barbi ♪ 1500 01:29:03,141 --> 01:29:05,344 ♪ Breaking Barbi ♪ 1501 01:29:05,444 --> 01:29:08,029 ♪ Breaking Barbi ♪ 1502 01:29:11,634 --> 01:29:12,634 - Whoa! 1503 01:29:13,903 --> 01:29:16,822 As if I haven't had enough, I lose my keys too. 1504 01:29:16,921 --> 01:29:19,324 What kind of freaking world is this? 1505 01:29:19,425 --> 01:29:22,609 Haven't I had enough of this world? 1506 01:29:24,646 --> 01:29:25,663 This is terrible. 1507 01:29:25,764 --> 01:29:27,014 What am I gonna do now? 1508 01:29:35,792 --> 01:29:36,809 Oh my god, grandma. 1509 01:29:36,908 --> 01:29:37,908 What are you doing here? 1510 01:29:38,007 --> 01:29:39,744 - [Angelyne] Get in the car. 1511 01:29:39,845 --> 01:29:40,845 - Oh my god! 1512 01:29:40,944 --> 01:29:42,747 Thank you so much! 1513 01:29:42,847 --> 01:29:44,750 You have no idea what I've just been through 1514 01:29:44,850 --> 01:29:46,551 for the last two days! 1515 01:29:46,652 --> 01:29:48,569 - [Angelyne] Well not anymore, you're okay now. 1516 01:29:48,668 --> 01:29:50,588 - [Barbi] Yes, thank you! 1517 01:29:50,689 --> 01:29:51,689 Yay! 102878