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1
00:00:19,033 --> 00:00:21,411
Aw, shit, it's Tookie Ross.
2
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- The pimp?
- Yeah, he only pimps
3
00:00:23,205 --> 00:00:25,183
when he get tired
of killin' motherfuckers
4
00:00:25,207 --> 00:00:28,553
She didn't go to the cops,
but I'm-a tell you, boy...
5
00:00:28,577 --> 00:00:31,622
Hey, why is everybody so quiet?
6
00:00:31,646 --> 00:00:33,057
Oh, man.
7
00:00:33,081 --> 00:00:34,524
Jesus, that's Tookie Ross.
8
00:00:34,548 --> 00:00:37,295
Now, I know you don't expect
me to be impressed, right?
9
00:00:37,319 --> 00:00:40,464
I watched Pops make the sun,
the moon, and the stars.
10
00:00:40,488 --> 00:00:42,866
What this dude make,
some bad decisions?
11
00:00:44,926 --> 00:00:47,271
Yo, my man, everybody else
12
00:00:47,295 --> 00:00:49,372
might be scared
of your ass, but I'm not.
13
00:00:49,396 --> 00:00:51,799
Now, if I catch you
working on my turf,
14
00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:54,445
then your ass gonna have to pay.
15
00:00:54,469 --> 00:00:56,548
Ransom is running shit.
16
00:00:56,572 --> 00:00:59,283
- Who the fuck is Ransom?
- Me, nigga.
17
00:00:59,307 --> 00:01:02,319
You see, I speak in the third person.
18
00:01:03,812 --> 00:01:06,390
Well, let me tell you
some first-person shit,
19
00:01:06,414 --> 00:01:08,959
to tell that third-person punk Ransom.
20
00:01:08,983 --> 00:01:11,295
I work when I want to work,
where I want to work.
21
00:01:11,319 --> 00:01:13,231
You got that, bitch?
22
00:01:17,992 --> 00:01:19,970
Tookie!
23
00:01:21,997 --> 00:01:24,875
I'm gonna get my revenge.
24
00:01:24,899 --> 00:01:28,545
Even if I got to jump my soul
into this fat motherfucker
25
00:01:28,569 --> 00:01:31,315
Hey, hey. This is a new shirt.
26
00:01:31,339 --> 00:01:34,351
My God! I'm... I'm
possessed by Tookie Ross!
27
00:01:34,375 --> 00:01:35,819
No, you're not, dawg.
28
00:01:35,843 --> 00:01:37,521
And I hope nobody expect me
29
00:01:37,545 --> 00:01:40,190
to raise this evil mother
fucker from the dead, either.
30
00:01:40,214 --> 00:01:41,925
Are you the Lord and Savior
Jesus Christ,
31
00:01:41,949 --> 00:01:44,328
king of all kings, lord of all lords?
32
00:01:44,352 --> 00:01:46,330
And you know this, Bill.
What's happening?
33
00:01:46,354 --> 00:01:49,333
Hallelujah! Jesus,
34
00:01:49,357 --> 00:01:51,202
you've been served.
35
00:01:58,866 --> 00:02:00,678
Lloyd's suing me for making him sober?
36
00:02:00,702 --> 00:02:02,679
Man, what kind of bullshit is this?
37
00:02:10,590 --> 00:02:16,740
sync and corrections by awaqededwww.addic7ed.com.
38
00:02:18,249 --> 00:02:20,461
Welcome back to Homey's Court.
39
00:02:20,485 --> 00:02:24,046
This is Lloyd, a former
homeless alcoholic
40
00:02:24,047 --> 00:02:27,358
who manages the New Compton
Gardens apartment building.
41
00:02:27,382 --> 00:02:29,195
He claims Jesus made him sober,
42
00:02:29,219 --> 00:02:33,364
thus depriving him of any
joy in life ever again.
43
00:02:33,388 --> 00:02:36,042
He's suing for $600.
44
00:02:36,226 --> 00:02:39,737
And this is our Lord and Savior,
Jesus Christ.
45
00:02:39,761 --> 00:02:41,040
He died for our sins,
46
00:02:41,064 --> 00:02:42,741
but apparently, that's not good enough
47
00:02:42,765 --> 00:02:45,643
to prevent him
from being sued by Lloyd.
48
00:02:45,667 --> 00:02:49,922
This is the case
of "Less Jews, More Booze."
49
00:02:56,511 --> 00:02:59,023
Raise your right hand.
50
00:02:59,047 --> 00:03:00,892
Your right hand...
51
00:03:00,916 --> 00:03:02,393
Do you swear to tell the truth,
the whole truth,
52
00:03:02,417 --> 00:03:06,265
- and nothing but the truth?
- You damn right I do.
53
00:03:06,289 --> 00:03:08,867
Raise your right hand.
Do you swear to tell the truth,
54
00:03:08,891 --> 00:03:10,236
the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth?
55
00:03:10,260 --> 00:03:12,704
- So help me Pops.
- Man, speaking of that, man,
56
00:03:12,728 --> 00:03:14,072
do you think you can sign my Bible?
57
00:03:14,096 --> 00:03:15,506
Not now, Reggie.
58
00:03:15,530 --> 00:03:17,610
Sorry, Judge. I'm sorry, Jesus.
59
00:03:17,634 --> 00:03:20,011
Hey, Reg. Don't even trip.
60
00:03:20,035 --> 00:03:22,248
Look inside the inside cover.
61
00:03:25,708 --> 00:03:28,286
Case 123 on your calendar,
62
00:03:28,310 --> 00:03:30,856
Lloyd the drunk
versus Christ the Savior.
63
00:03:30,880 --> 00:03:32,291
Before we get started here today,
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00:03:32,315 --> 00:03:34,559
I'd like to say that, uh, well,
65
00:03:34,583 --> 00:03:36,428
I've seen people waste time and money
66
00:03:36,452 --> 00:03:39,364
in many different ways.
67
00:03:39,388 --> 00:03:42,434
Reggie and I saw "Boo" 1
and 2 in the theater.
68
00:03:42,458 --> 00:03:44,970
- We did.
- But this is an even bigger
69
00:03:44,994 --> 00:03:48,040
- waste of time and money.
- Well, Your Honor...
70
00:03:48,064 --> 00:03:50,942
How many cases have we
had like this, Reggie?
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00:03:50,966 --> 00:03:54,245
- None.
- Not a goddamn one.
72
00:03:54,269 --> 00:03:55,880
And why? It's ridiculous
73
00:03:55,904 --> 00:03:59,285
that you are trying to prove
that this man made you sober.
74
00:03:59,309 --> 00:04:03,054
If your ass was a alcoholic,
you should be thanking him.
75
00:04:03,078 --> 00:04:04,922
Your Honor, would you thank a man
76
00:04:04,946 --> 00:04:07,625
who stole your means
of orgasmic bliss?
77
00:04:07,649 --> 00:04:09,661
Kill your ability to bust a nut?
78
00:04:09,685 --> 00:04:13,798
Shut down the flow
of your love hydrant?
79
00:04:13,822 --> 00:04:16,635
I guess I'd be mad if my
love hydrant was shut down.
80
00:04:16,659 --> 00:04:17,902
- You, Reggie?
- Mm-hmm.
81
00:04:17,926 --> 00:04:19,305
Well, that's what Jesus did to me.
82
00:04:19,329 --> 00:04:22,940
Took my ability to get drunk
off my black, crusty ass.
83
00:04:22,964 --> 00:04:25,243
And people always say,
"Well, what would Jesus do?"
84
00:04:25,267 --> 00:04:27,012
I know what he'd do.
He'd fuck up a lot of shit.
85
00:04:27,036 --> 00:04:28,846
All right, look.
86
00:04:28,870 --> 00:04:30,481
Let's start at the beginning.
87
00:04:30,505 --> 00:04:33,685
Okay, Your Honor.
Now, I'm laying down,
88
00:04:33,709 --> 00:04:35,087
minding my own business.
89
00:04:35,111 --> 00:04:37,522
Jesus walked up to me, leaned down,
90
00:04:37,546 --> 00:04:39,157
and he said, "Lloyd, you're sober."
91
00:04:39,181 --> 00:04:40,659
I said, "W-W-W-Wait... Wait a minute.
92
00:04:40,683 --> 00:04:42,127
Hold on. What you mean sober?"
93
00:04:42,151 --> 00:04:44,462
Your Honor, Lloyd was laying there,
94
00:04:44,486 --> 00:04:46,865
incapacitated, lethargic.
95
00:04:46,889 --> 00:04:49,000
I looked in his eyes. He had the sad,
96
00:04:49,024 --> 00:04:51,669
alcoholic, puppy-dog eyes
that was crying for help.
97
00:04:51,693 --> 00:04:53,705
"Please, I don't want
to be like this no more.
98
00:04:53,729 --> 00:04:55,173
Please make me sober."
99
00:04:55,197 --> 00:04:57,008
- And that's what I did.
- I can't believe this.
100
00:04:57,032 --> 00:04:59,544
And when I got down there
to help him out, you know what?
101
00:04:59,568 --> 00:05:00,678
- He didn't fight.
- That's not true.
102
00:05:00,702 --> 00:05:01,846
He didn't resist. He wanted it.
103
00:05:01,870 --> 00:05:03,281
I thought you come there to help me
104
00:05:03,305 --> 00:05:05,551
- with my heartbreak of psoriasis.
- No, you didn't.
105
00:05:05,575 --> 00:05:06,784
- You wanted sobriety.
- Yes, I did.
106
00:05:06,808 --> 00:05:09,221
Order in Homey's Court!
107
00:05:09,245 --> 00:05:11,457
All right.
Now, Lloyd, you are suing him
108
00:05:11,481 --> 00:05:14,159
for an amount of $600.
109
00:05:14,183 --> 00:05:15,894
Now, how did you come up
with that amount?
110
00:05:15,918 --> 00:05:20,498
Well, Your Honor, since I been,
um, sober, your life changes.
111
00:05:20,522 --> 00:05:22,200
You know, I have to eat better.
112
00:05:22,224 --> 00:05:25,137
I take a shower now,
and I use that stuff people use.
113
00:05:25,161 --> 00:05:26,404
You know what they do?
They do like this.
114
00:05:26,428 --> 00:05:27,639
- What they call it?
- Soap?
115
00:05:27,663 --> 00:05:29,541
Soap. So, now I'm clean,
116
00:05:29,565 --> 00:05:30,743
women want to have sex with me.
117
00:05:30,767 --> 00:05:32,644
Now we got another whole problem.
118
00:05:32,668 --> 00:05:34,346
I got to get some condoms
119
00:05:34,370 --> 00:05:37,849
- and, uh, my record bill is high.
- Record bills?
120
00:05:37,873 --> 00:05:39,584
Well, you know you got
to get Luther Vandross
121
00:05:39,608 --> 00:05:42,053
and Teddy Pendergrass, Johnny Mathis.
122
00:05:42,077 --> 00:05:44,656
You can't make love without music.
123
00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:45,724
Whoo-hoo!
124
00:05:51,753 --> 00:05:53,098
I'm gonna get my revenge.
125
00:05:53,122 --> 00:05:55,099
Revenge, revenge.
126
00:05:55,123 --> 00:05:56,734
Tookie!
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00:05:56,758 --> 00:05:59,570
Even if I got to get my soul
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00:05:59,594 --> 00:06:01,740
into this fat mother fuckers body.
129
00:06:07,637 --> 00:06:11,048
I'm possessed by Tookie Ross!
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00:06:11,072 --> 00:06:12,618
For the record, Your Honor,
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00:06:12,642 --> 00:06:15,788
I didn't make Lloyd sober.
It wasn't me. It was Pops.
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00:06:15,812 --> 00:06:18,089
O-Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoever your Pops is,
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00:06:18,113 --> 00:06:21,192
He isn't on trial. You are.
134
00:06:21,216 --> 00:06:24,762
Now, are you or are you not
the one who made him sober?
135
00:06:24,786 --> 00:06:28,099
Not directly. See, Pops i-is God,
136
00:06:28,123 --> 00:06:30,803
who is my Father,
a-and He works through me.
137
00:06:30,827 --> 00:06:32,904
So, you know, I handle
the business on earth.
138
00:06:32,928 --> 00:06:33,971
Wait a minute.
139
00:06:33,995 --> 00:06:37,476
You really think you're Jesus?
140
00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:39,478
Homey, you crazy.
141
00:06:43,805 --> 00:06:46,250
I know them ain't my bitches.
142
00:06:46,274 --> 00:06:48,719
See, you girls need to stay
focused, all right?
143
00:06:48,743 --> 00:06:51,556
You don't need to be seeing
nothin' except blue skies,
144
00:06:51,580 --> 00:06:54,827
dirty asphalt, or fuzzy navels.
145
00:06:54,851 --> 00:06:57,229
Missionary position,
you seein' blue skies.
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00:06:57,253 --> 00:07:00,132
Doggie style,
you seein' dirty asphalt.
147
00:07:00,156 --> 00:07:03,000
- Fuzzy navel speaks for itself.
- That kind of sucks.
148
00:07:03,024 --> 00:07:05,471
Exactly.
149
00:07:05,495 --> 00:07:07,505
W-What's up, brother?
How can I help you?
150
00:07:07,529 --> 00:07:08,974
Is your name Bargain Hunter?
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00:07:08,998 --> 00:07:10,842
That's right. That... That's me.
152
00:07:10,866 --> 00:07:12,344
You don't need no Benz and a Rolls
153
00:07:12,368 --> 00:07:15,121
- to get wit' one of my hoes.
- I don't need nothin'.
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00:07:15,308 --> 00:07:18,149
I'm straight takin' 'em.
Turn the bitches loose or else.
155
00:07:18,173 --> 00:07:20,618
Or else what? You gonna whoop my ass?
156
00:07:21,878 --> 00:07:24,656
He gonna whoop my ass.
157
00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:26,991
No, I'm not gonna whoop your ass.
158
00:07:27,015 --> 00:07:29,161
I'm gonna make you whoop your own ass.
159
00:07:29,185 --> 00:07:30,695
I ain't gonna do that, brother. Hmm?
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00:07:30,719 --> 00:07:32,830
You got one second
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00:07:32,854 --> 00:07:34,933
to whoop your ass,
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00:07:34,957 --> 00:07:36,834
or I'm gonna whoop your ass for ya.
163
00:07:36,858 --> 00:07:38,503
Let me tell you somethin',
brother. At the end of...
164
00:07:38,527 --> 00:07:39,805
- Ooh!
- Oh.
165
00:07:39,829 --> 00:07:40,839
What the hell?
166
00:07:40,863 --> 00:07:42,448
What the...
167
00:07:44,700 --> 00:07:46,678
Why you doin' that, brother? Huh?
168
00:07:51,740 --> 00:07:53,618
Look, brother, you can have the money.
169
00:07:53,642 --> 00:07:56,387
Just take... take it, dawg!
170
00:07:56,411 --> 00:07:59,208
Girl, that's that fat nigga
Tookie said he was gonna possess
171
00:07:59,209 --> 00:08:01,192
- right before he died.
- He must'a,
172
00:08:01,216 --> 00:08:02,861
'cause only Tookie
can mindfuck somebody
173
00:08:02,885 --> 00:08:04,863
into kickin' they own ass.
174
00:08:04,887 --> 00:08:07,031
- Ooh, hey, baby.
- Hey, what's up?
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00:08:07,055 --> 00:08:09,368
You know, that was just like Tookie.
176
00:08:09,392 --> 00:08:11,303
Mm-hmm. Tookie-esque,
177
00:08:11,327 --> 00:08:14,039
for real, Zaddy.
178
00:08:14,063 --> 00:08:15,707
That's what's up.
That ain't the only thing
179
00:08:15,731 --> 00:08:17,543
like Tookie goin' on right now.
180
00:08:17,567 --> 00:08:18,743
Ooh.
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00:08:18,767 --> 00:08:20,344
Duck walk, bitches.
182
00:08:25,207 --> 00:08:29,354
Now, Lloyd, can you actually
prove that you were a drunk?
183
00:08:29,378 --> 00:08:33,658
Yes, Your Honor. And I'd like
to call my first witness,
184
00:08:33,682 --> 00:08:36,194
- Jesus Christ.
- Okay.
185
00:08:36,218 --> 00:08:39,230
Jesus, could you please
describe who and what I was
186
00:08:39,254 --> 00:08:42,166
prior to you making me sober?
187
00:08:42,190 --> 00:08:44,036
Lloyd was a shit-faced
drunk, Your Honor.
188
00:08:44,060 --> 00:08:47,573
And could you tell the court
how I used to smell?
189
00:08:47,597 --> 00:08:48,906
He smelled like 20 pounds
190
00:08:48,930 --> 00:08:50,541
of fresh-kicked
gorilla ass, Your Honor.
191
00:08:50,565 --> 00:08:54,211
Would you say that my
shit-faced, gorilla-smelling ass
192
00:08:54,235 --> 00:08:56,214
- was happy?
- Your Honor, I ain't got no way
193
00:08:56,238 --> 00:08:58,215
of knowing a mother
fucker happiness level.
194
00:08:58,239 --> 00:09:01,920
All right, Lloyd, if you want
to be a drunk again,
195
00:09:01,944 --> 00:09:03,921
why don't you go out
and get drunk again?
196
00:09:03,945 --> 00:09:06,925
Your Honor, I'm sober in perpetuity.
197
00:09:06,949 --> 00:09:10,528
And I'd like to bring
my second witness as proof.
198
00:09:10,552 --> 00:09:12,698
This is a bottle of Darby.
199
00:09:12,722 --> 00:09:14,199
I'm going to consume this.
200
00:09:14,223 --> 00:09:16,301
I should be drunk in 22 minutes.
201
00:09:16,325 --> 00:09:18,402
If you will indulge me, please?
202
00:09:18,426 --> 00:09:19,437
Please.
203
00:09:19,461 --> 00:09:21,046
Thank you.
204
00:09:41,483 --> 00:09:45,129
As you can see, Your Honor, no effect.
205
00:09:45,153 --> 00:09:48,166
As proof, I would like the lady
in the front row
206
00:09:48,190 --> 00:09:49,801
with the big titties to step out.
207
00:09:49,825 --> 00:09:51,478
Big-titty lady?
208
00:09:55,196 --> 00:09:57,275
Bang!
209
00:09:57,299 --> 00:09:58,643
- Your Honor...
- What in the world?
210
00:09:58,667 --> 00:10:00,411
...you see that? Yeah.
211
00:10:00,435 --> 00:10:04,081
If I was toe down,
this wouldn't happen.
212
00:10:04,105 --> 00:10:06,151
Jesus, you see that? Look at it.
213
00:10:06,175 --> 00:10:07,652
God gave me this.
214
00:10:55,056 --> 00:10:56,634
Now, Lloyd, you have proven
215
00:10:56,658 --> 00:11:00,571
that you are a total drunk-ass bastard
216
00:11:00,595 --> 00:11:03,340
with damn near zero chance
of ever being saved.
217
00:11:03,364 --> 00:11:06,878
But you have got to prove
that Jesus is the son of God
218
00:11:06,902 --> 00:11:08,312
and can perform miracles
219
00:11:08,336 --> 00:11:10,514
if you want me to believe
that he cured your ass.
220
00:11:10,538 --> 00:11:13,719
Well, Pops... I mean God is my dad.
221
00:11:13,743 --> 00:11:17,656
The record says here that Joseph
the carpenter is your father.
222
00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:20,358
Your Honor, just because
Joseph married my mom
223
00:11:20,382 --> 00:11:21,859
don't make him my real dad.
224
00:11:21,883 --> 00:11:26,163
So, your mama just stuck
that fool with the payments.
225
00:11:26,187 --> 00:11:27,498
Reggie knows about that.
226
00:11:27,522 --> 00:11:29,901
Damn. Sadly, I do.
227
00:12:00,222 --> 00:12:02,400
- So what you got for me?
- Remember that chubby dude
228
00:12:02,424 --> 00:12:04,435
Tookie grabbed right before he died?
229
00:12:04,459 --> 00:12:06,304
Yeah, I remember the fat mother fucker
230
00:12:06,328 --> 00:12:07,772
His name is Boonie.
231
00:12:07,796 --> 00:12:12,109
If that's Tookie's soul inside
that fat mother fucker
232
00:12:12,133 --> 00:12:14,780
probably wants revenge.
233
00:12:14,804 --> 00:12:17,949
I don't know about
all that possession shit,
234
00:12:17,973 --> 00:12:21,619
but what I do know
is I ain't taking no chances.
235
00:12:21,643 --> 00:12:23,888
I'm gonna put an end to Tookie Ross.
236
00:12:25,815 --> 00:12:29,402
Even if I have to kill
Boonie's fat ass myself.
237
00:12:32,605 --> 00:12:34,950
Oh, I've been drinking
with Lloyd for years.
238
00:12:34,974 --> 00:12:37,418
And I can testify that my friend
Lloyd here can drink
239
00:12:37,442 --> 00:12:39,354
but without any effect whatsoever
240
00:12:39,378 --> 00:12:41,322
on his mental faculties.
241
00:12:41,346 --> 00:12:43,325
Poor man. It's so painful.
242
00:12:43,349 --> 00:12:44,759
Hurt like a bitch.
243
00:12:44,783 --> 00:12:45,693
Just a bitch?
244
00:12:45,717 --> 00:12:48,596
I know a lot of painful bitches.
245
00:12:48,620 --> 00:12:50,005
True dat.
246
00:12:50,253 --> 00:12:53,699
As long as I've known Lloyd,
he's been a drunken fool.
247
00:12:53,723 --> 00:12:55,868
Fool? Ain't nobody
asked you about that.
248
00:12:55,892 --> 00:12:57,235
Well, I volunteered it.
249
00:12:57,259 --> 00:12:59,905
Now, you want me to be honest,
let me be honest.
250
00:12:59,929 --> 00:13:01,239
Well, how you gon' call
a mother fucker a fool?
251
00:13:01,263 --> 00:13:03,374
Because, mother fucker you are a fool.
252
00:13:03,398 --> 00:13:05,009
Enough, you two.
253
00:13:05,033 --> 00:13:07,680
Like I was sayin',
254
00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:10,382
Lloyd got drunk all the time.
255
00:13:10,406 --> 00:13:12,751
And Jesus probably cured him.
256
00:13:12,775 --> 00:13:14,253
Now, I didn't see him do it,
257
00:13:14,277 --> 00:13:17,823
but I have seen him do
a lot of miracles.
258
00:13:17,847 --> 00:13:22,261
Like, for instance,
my son Boonie is still alive.
259
00:13:22,285 --> 00:13:24,495
And that's a dumb-ass nigga,
260
00:13:24,519 --> 00:13:27,239
so that's a miracle in and of itself.
261
00:13:33,028 --> 00:13:35,206
What's your fuckin problem, boy?
262
00:13:35,230 --> 00:13:37,609
You don't barge into
my bedroom like that.
263
00:13:37,633 --> 00:13:40,112
You knock first, Boones.
264
00:13:40,136 --> 00:13:41,113
What you want?
265
00:13:41,137 --> 00:13:42,547
You know what I want, Boo Boo.
266
00:13:42,571 --> 00:13:44,916
I want some of that afternoon sex.
267
00:13:44,940 --> 00:13:47,753
You got some of those
afternoon checks?
268
00:13:47,777 --> 00:13:49,354
You got your child support, Boone?
269
00:13:49,378 --> 00:13:50,623
Nah, but look here, girl.
270
00:13:50,647 --> 00:13:54,225
I got these ass supports.
271
00:13:54,249 --> 00:13:56,027
I mean, right now?
272
00:13:56,051 --> 00:13:59,598
You know I gotta go to court.
I gotta testify for Jesus today.
273
00:13:59,622 --> 00:14:00,799
Well, get the fuck on then.
274
00:14:00,823 --> 00:14:03,402
Nigga, I ain't say no.
275
00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:05,470
I say we gotta do a quickie,
276
00:14:05,494 --> 00:14:08,540
Like you accustomed to.
277
00:14:08,564 --> 00:14:10,609
Why are you dressed like a pimp?
278
00:14:10,633 --> 00:14:11,810
'Cause my hoes like it.
279
00:14:11,834 --> 00:14:14,445
What hoes, Boone?
280
00:14:14,469 --> 00:14:16,648
Come on in here.
281
00:14:16,672 --> 00:14:18,416
Who are these broke-down bitches?
282
00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:19,917
These my girls,
283
00:14:19,941 --> 00:14:22,588
and I think it's about time
we all had that fivesome.
284
00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:24,956
Fivesome? Nigga, we can
barely do a twosome.
285
00:14:24,980 --> 00:14:27,158
- Hell no.
- Hey, suit yourself.
286
00:14:27,182 --> 00:14:28,426
Foursome it is, girls.
287
00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:29,795
Oh, hell no.
288
00:14:29,819 --> 00:14:32,330
I know how to stop
this shit right now.
289
00:14:32,354 --> 00:14:34,499
Give me this goddamn gun, girl.
290
00:14:34,523 --> 00:14:37,335
Ooh, damn.
291
00:14:37,359 --> 00:14:39,838
Boonie, you better be
glad I don't have time
292
00:14:39,862 --> 00:14:42,240
to take care of this shit
because I gotta go to court.
293
00:14:42,264 --> 00:14:45,176
But if I found out y'all been
fuckin in my house, Boonie,
294
00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:47,979
I'm gonna burn this bitch down,
with y'all in it.
295
00:14:48,003 --> 00:14:50,615
You gonna be a crispy pimp
with some cooked-ass hoes.
296
00:14:50,639 --> 00:14:52,517
Bring your ass here with that...
297
00:14:52,541 --> 00:14:53,918
Oh, wait.
298
00:14:53,942 --> 00:14:55,586
- Tired of his shit.
- Hey!
299
00:14:55,610 --> 00:14:57,189
- Getting on my damn nerves.
- Hey!
300
00:14:57,213 --> 00:14:59,490
- Got these hoes up in here.
- I'm not done with you, woman!
301
00:14:59,514 --> 00:15:02,027
Nobody blue-balls Tookie Ross!
302
00:15:05,021 --> 00:15:08,032
Honestly, I don't know much
about Lloyd being an alcoholic,
303
00:15:08,056 --> 00:15:11,704
and I never seen
Jesus perform a miracle,
304
00:15:11,728 --> 00:15:15,273
but I know in my heart
that he is the son of God.
305
00:15:15,297 --> 00:15:17,709
Your Honor, I would
still be an alcoholic
306
00:15:17,733 --> 00:15:20,144
if Jesus had left my black ass alone.
307
00:15:20,168 --> 00:15:23,047
What he should've been doin'
is heal her lopsided titties.
308
00:15:23,071 --> 00:15:25,984
Okay, first of all,
my titties ain't on trial.
309
00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:28,052
Secondly, God made 'em,
310
00:15:28,076 --> 00:15:30,388
so they must be beautiful.
311
00:15:30,412 --> 00:15:32,724
And third, Lloyd, stop,
'cause you wish you had
312
00:15:32,748 --> 00:15:35,893
some of this lopsided deliciousness.
313
00:15:35,917 --> 00:15:38,997
Well, yes, I do. Yes, I do.
314
00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:40,998
What you got for me?
315
00:15:41,022 --> 00:15:43,701
His baby mama headed
down to a TV station.
316
00:15:43,725 --> 00:15:46,037
Look like him and the hoes
gonna be goin' down there, too.
317
00:15:46,061 --> 00:15:47,406
The hoes?
318
00:15:47,430 --> 00:15:48,740
Mm.
319
00:15:48,764 --> 00:15:51,377
Okay. Then that's where we goin'.
320
00:15:51,401 --> 00:15:55,214
I'm gonna bust that buster
so everybody can see.
321
00:15:57,205 --> 00:15:59,852
I would say Jesus is beyond nice.
322
00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:02,653
I mean, if he had something,
you have something.
323
00:16:02,677 --> 00:16:04,757
I wish my kids shared like that.
324
00:16:04,781 --> 00:16:07,059
It's just too bad
they take after Boonie.
325
00:16:07,083 --> 00:16:09,994
- Boonie?
- That's they trifling-ass daddy.
326
00:16:10,018 --> 00:16:13,065
He hang out with Jesus, but
Jesus won't set him straight.
327
00:16:13,089 --> 00:16:16,334
Link, I can't make that man act right
328
00:16:16,358 --> 00:16:19,070
like he a robot or something.
It got to come from his heart.
329
00:16:19,094 --> 00:16:21,440
Why can't you?
You're Jesus, aren't you?
330
00:16:21,464 --> 00:16:24,942
But right now, all you're
doing is looking like Jesus.
331
00:16:24,966 --> 00:16:27,079
You're not even acting like Jesus.
332
00:16:27,103 --> 00:16:30,282
Because you are not Jesus.
333
00:16:30,306 --> 00:16:32,283
You're...
334
00:16:32,307 --> 00:16:33,752
Jeez-ish.
335
00:16:33,776 --> 00:16:34,953
I need some proof, man.
336
00:16:34,977 --> 00:16:36,622
Kick me a miracle or something.
337
00:16:36,646 --> 00:16:38,223
It don't work like that, Your Honor.
338
00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:40,725
I can't do a miracle
unless Pops says so.
339
00:16:40,749 --> 00:16:42,460
It has to be His will.
340
00:16:42,484 --> 00:16:43,796
Besides, according to you,
341
00:16:43,820 --> 00:16:45,196
the only way I can lose this case
342
00:16:45,220 --> 00:16:46,898
is if I can prove I'm Jesus Christ
343
00:16:46,922 --> 00:16:48,466
and actually do a miracle, right?
344
00:16:48,490 --> 00:16:51,235
That's true, but if you
don't perform a miracle,
345
00:16:51,259 --> 00:16:52,970
I might have to have
your ass locked up
346
00:16:52,994 --> 00:16:54,772
for psychiatric evaluation.
347
00:16:54,796 --> 00:16:57,642
That's right, Jesus.
Either you perform a miracle
348
00:16:57,666 --> 00:16:59,878
to prove that you are the Son of God,
349
00:16:59,902 --> 00:17:02,414
and I can make my $600,
350
00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:05,984
or, uh, about eight dudes
in them white jackets
351
00:17:06,008 --> 00:17:08,320
will take you to the crazy house.
352
00:17:09,411 --> 00:17:11,557
Where she at?!
353
00:17:11,581 --> 00:17:13,090
Aw, shit.
354
00:17:13,114 --> 00:17:16,160
Hey, don't make me raise up
out myself up in here.
355
00:17:16,184 --> 00:17:18,163
What? Don't you see I'm busy?
356
00:17:18,187 --> 00:17:21,265
Busy? Look, when a pimp
wants a fivesome,
357
00:17:21,289 --> 00:17:23,068
a pimp wants a damn fivesome.
358
00:17:23,092 --> 00:17:24,302
- Boonie...
- You can't just stroll away
359
00:17:24,326 --> 00:17:27,138
from no sex like that.
360
00:17:27,162 --> 00:17:30,007
Order! And who the hell are you?
361
00:17:30,031 --> 00:17:31,510
Who the hell am I?
362
00:17:31,534 --> 00:17:32,845
This here Tookie.
363
00:17:32,869 --> 00:17:35,147
Tookie Ross, and I'm here
to stake my claim.
364
00:17:35,171 --> 00:17:37,849
Oh, so Jesus done made you sober, too?
365
00:17:37,873 --> 00:17:40,018
What? No. Hey,
366
00:17:40,042 --> 00:17:42,654
I'm here to claim
this woman right here.
367
00:17:42,678 --> 00:17:46,023
I'm about to make you Queen
Bee over all these bitches.
368
00:17:46,047 --> 00:17:47,693
Boonie, I know your crazy ass
369
00:17:47,717 --> 00:17:49,695
ain't sayin' what I think you sayin'.
370
00:17:49,719 --> 00:17:51,195
What you think I'm tryin' to say?
371
00:17:51,219 --> 00:17:53,098
You want me out there
doin' somethin' strange
372
00:17:53,122 --> 00:17:54,765
for some damn change?
373
00:17:54,789 --> 00:17:56,368
Bet. That's what I'm sayin'.
374
00:17:56,392 --> 00:17:58,870
That's my boy right there,
375
00:17:58,894 --> 00:18:01,772
- coming up on some game. Yeah.
- Game hell.
376
00:18:01,796 --> 00:18:05,109
That nigga done lost
his damn mind, Ms. Tudi.
377
00:18:05,133 --> 00:18:07,111
- Order in Homey's Court!
- Hey, fool.
378
00:18:07,135 --> 00:18:09,214
Don't you know I'm above the law?
379
00:18:09,238 --> 00:18:11,550
Goddamn it, and after I handle
my bidness with these bitches,
380
00:18:11,574 --> 00:18:13,651
- I might rent one out to you.
- All I know is
381
00:18:13,675 --> 00:18:17,489
I ain't doin' that freaky shit.
Talk to him, Jesus.
382
00:18:17,513 --> 00:18:19,891
Boone, you trippin'.
We in a court of law, man.
383
00:18:19,915 --> 00:18:22,127
Hey, man, I told you,
Tookie possessed my soul.
384
00:18:22,151 --> 00:18:24,463
No, he didn't. You not possessed, man.
385
00:18:24,487 --> 00:18:26,798
He didn't? Well, why I'm doing this?
386
00:18:26,822 --> 00:18:28,399
You goddamn right, God damn it.
387
00:18:28,423 --> 00:18:30,301
When a pimp say
he want somethin' done,
388
00:18:30,325 --> 00:18:32,137
all you fools better recognize.
389
00:18:32,161 --> 00:18:35,541
Reggie, get his ass up out of here!
390
00:18:35,565 --> 00:18:37,708
Okay, Milk Dud. Time to go.
391
00:18:37,732 --> 00:18:39,744
I go where I want, when I want.
392
00:18:39,768 --> 00:18:41,547
I think you're gonna go now.
393
00:18:41,571 --> 00:18:43,749
- Where are we?
- You in Homey's Court.
394
00:18:43,773 --> 00:18:44,750
Let's go.
395
00:18:44,774 --> 00:18:46,885
And where is Homey's Court?
396
00:18:46,909 --> 00:18:48,220
It's on television.
397
00:18:48,244 --> 00:18:51,089
- And is television real or fake?
- It's fake.
398
00:18:51,113 --> 00:18:54,225
Which makes this gun right here...
399
00:18:54,249 --> 00:18:56,494
- Fake-ass bullshit, man.
- God damn it.
400
00:19:01,123 --> 00:19:02,768
God damn it, I will rip your colon out
401
00:19:02,792 --> 00:19:05,603
- and put it up your ass...
- Boonie, what done got into you?
402
00:19:05,627 --> 00:19:06,905
Ooh, you done changed.
403
00:19:06,929 --> 00:19:08,540
- Come on, dawg.
- Jesus, do something.
404
00:19:08,564 --> 00:19:10,007
He done lost his damn mind!
405
00:19:10,031 --> 00:19:12,043
Oh, no, no, no. He ain't lost nothin'.
406
00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:14,111
He gained some swag.
407
00:19:14,135 --> 00:19:16,348
See, I always knew
408
00:19:16,372 --> 00:19:18,916
that you was gonna grow
up and be somebody.
409
00:19:18,940 --> 00:19:21,753
Now you and I, we can run
the family business.
410
00:19:21,777 --> 00:19:24,188
Bitch, this my business!
You work for me!
411
00:19:24,212 --> 00:19:26,224
Jesus, come get
this crazy mother fucker
412
00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:28,726
because he has lost his damn mind.
413
00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:32,731
Boone, I'm telling you, brah,
you are not possessed, dawg.
414
00:19:32,755 --> 00:19:34,099
He is possessed!
415
00:19:34,123 --> 00:19:35,634
Possessed by the soul of Tookie.
416
00:19:35,658 --> 00:19:38,070
I wasn't afraid of him
when he was alive,
417
00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:39,437
and I sure the hell
ain't scared of him
418
00:19:39,461 --> 00:19:42,573
while he in this fat-ass teddy bear.
419
00:19:45,668 --> 00:19:47,812
- That's right. That's right.
- Hold on, whoa, whoa, whoa.
420
00:19:47,836 --> 00:19:49,647
Look. Free cocaine.
421
00:19:49,671 --> 00:19:52,551
- Where?
- In your nads!
422
00:19:52,575 --> 00:19:54,453
Uh-huh. Yeah.
423
00:19:54,477 --> 00:19:56,288
A bullet might not have killed you,
424
00:19:56,312 --> 00:19:57,888
but maybe this blade will.
425
00:20:02,351 --> 00:20:04,061
Ohh!
426
00:20:04,085 --> 00:20:06,798
I knew you had it in you.
Look at you. Gangster.
427
00:20:06,822 --> 00:20:10,167
King Kong ain't got shit on me!
428
00:20:10,191 --> 00:20:14,305
Damn. My baby sound just like Denzel.
429
00:20:14,329 --> 00:20:17,175
Boo, maybe we can start
with a foursome or somethin'.
430
00:20:17,199 --> 00:20:19,176
Maybe later. Right now,
431
00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:21,679
I got to take this nigga's life!
432
00:20:21,703 --> 00:20:23,180
Boonie!
433
00:20:23,204 --> 00:20:25,117
Whoa!
434
00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:26,952
The fuck you doin', dawg?
You trippin'.
435
00:20:26,976 --> 00:20:28,787
You about to take this man's life.
436
00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:30,022
I know.
437
00:20:30,046 --> 00:20:32,290
I told you, Jesus.
438
00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:34,326
Tookie Ross done took over your boy.
439
00:20:34,350 --> 00:20:36,494
Fivesomes? Sixsomes?
440
00:20:36,518 --> 00:20:38,362
Man, you know I'm just down
for a onesome
441
00:20:38,386 --> 00:20:41,532
when I can talk myself into it.
442
00:20:41,556 --> 00:20:43,635
Tried to tell you I'm possessed.
443
00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:46,038
Boonie, you not...
444
00:20:46,062 --> 00:20:48,314
Fuck it. I'm gonna do this.
445
00:20:54,236 --> 00:20:57,381
Evil spirit, demon...
446
00:20:57,405 --> 00:21:00,551
- Trump?
- No, man, this Tookie Ross.
447
00:21:00,575 --> 00:21:02,186
Leave the homey alone!
448
00:21:02,210 --> 00:21:04,388
Cast yourself from this man!
449
00:21:04,412 --> 00:21:05,857
Begone!
450
00:21:18,094 --> 00:21:19,838
Hey. Thanks, Jesus.
451
00:21:19,862 --> 00:21:21,138
Yeah, thank you, Jesus,
452
00:21:21,162 --> 00:21:23,742
for proving you can perform a miracle.
453
00:21:23,766 --> 00:21:25,543
Your Honor, I rest my case.
454
00:21:25,567 --> 00:21:28,580
Well, judging from the miracle
I just witnessed here,
455
00:21:28,604 --> 00:21:30,849
and the fact that
Lloyd was a drunken bastard
456
00:21:30,873 --> 00:21:32,751
and is now sober,
457
00:21:32,775 --> 00:21:36,154
I have no choice but to rule
in favor of the plaintiff.
458
00:21:36,178 --> 00:21:39,390
Hey, hey, hey.
459
00:21:39,414 --> 00:21:42,060
Shut the fuck up! I'm not done.
460
00:21:42,084 --> 00:21:43,595
Mr. Jesus, I sentence you
461
00:21:43,619 --> 00:21:45,864
to 300 hours of community service.
462
00:21:45,888 --> 00:21:47,599
Um, what about my $600?
463
00:21:47,623 --> 00:21:51,102
Sorry, Lloyd.
Community service. That's it.
464
00:21:51,126 --> 00:21:53,105
I've got $600 comin'.
465
00:21:53,129 --> 00:21:55,272
Somebody owe me 600 fuckin dollars.
466
00:21:55,296 --> 00:21:57,708
You know fuck Homey Court.
467
00:21:57,732 --> 00:21:59,343
Fuck and fuck you, Judge.
468
00:21:59,367 --> 00:22:01,279
And your fuckin guard over there,
469
00:22:01,303 --> 00:22:03,548
y'all ain't Shit Fuck all y'all.
470
00:22:03,572 --> 00:22:04,949
Fuck everything, Fuck the carpet,
471
00:22:04,973 --> 00:22:06,283
Fuck the color of this place,
472
00:22:06,307 --> 00:22:08,086
Fuck the lights, Fuck the air in...
473
00:22:08,110 --> 00:22:10,355
The stinking air, fuck y'all.
474
00:22:10,379 --> 00:22:12,523
Fuck that camera. Fuck y'all
475
00:22:12,547 --> 00:22:14,525
I don't give a fuck about this shit
476
00:22:14,549 --> 00:22:17,963
Got my ass out here,
think I'm gonna get my $600.
477
00:22:17,987 --> 00:22:19,598
I gotta buy some soap! My ass stink!
478
00:22:19,622 --> 00:22:23,643
Coming up next,
"Whose baby is it anyway?"
479
00:22:23,976 --> 00:22:30,126
sync and corrections by awaqededwww.addic7ed.com.
35766
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