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- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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♪ ♪
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- _
- Oh, boy,
4
00:00:09,620 --> 00:00:11,659
Lenny is gonna be so surprised.
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00:00:11,660 --> 00:00:13,419
And I got the perfect card.
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- _
- CARL: Uh-huh!
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"Over the hill than under it." Yeah.
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00:00:16,434 --> 00:00:18,020
_
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Having chipped in, you may now sign.
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Nice work.
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No "best wishes," I like the restraint.
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00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:29,809
Yeah, I thought about "regards,"
but Lenny knows how I feel.
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00:00:29,810 --> 00:00:32,269
[PENS SQUEAKING]
14
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Okay, everybody, be quiet.
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Lenny's gonna be here any minute. Shh.
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[CHUCKLES EXCITEDLY]
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ALL: Sur... prise.
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- [ALL GROANING]
- I thought this was
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00:00:44,820 --> 00:00:46,240
my blood transfusion room,
20
00:00:46,260 --> 00:00:48,339
but, uh, there's not a baby in sight.
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00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:51,019
It's a surprise party for Lenny, sir.
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Everybody chipped in five
bucks for a card and a cake
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00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:57,919
and a show by close-up
magician Abraca-Debra.
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00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:01,100
- [ALL GASPING]
- What? Damn!
25
00:01:01,103 --> 00:01:03,720
Well, in that case,
I suppose I should sign, too.
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"With regards, C. Montgomery Burns."
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Mm. Hmm.
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[HUMMING]
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Ah, Lenny, happy birthday.
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[ALL GROAN]
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[GROANS ANGRILY]
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This is the greatest birthday ever!
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And best of all, Mr.
Burns signed my card.
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To everyone who chipped in.
35
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[ECHOING]: Chipped in. Chipped in.
36
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[DISTORTING]: Chipped in.
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00:01:43,370 --> 00:01:46,039
What kind of person
signs a birthday card
38
00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:47,359
and doesn't chip in?
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You sign the card, you got to chip in.
40
00:01:49,390 --> 00:01:52,859
- It's the code of the card.
- How big did he sign?
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00:01:52,860 --> 00:01:54,697
Eddie Bauer big.
42
00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:56,616
[GASPS]
43
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Stupid unpaid signature.
44
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This is the worst thing
that ever happened
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00:02:01,060 --> 00:02:02,789
at a nuclear power plant.
46
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Homie, just let it go.
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Don't let a signature drive you crazy.
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00:02:07,580 --> 00:02:08,829
You're right, honey.
49
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I'll let it go.
50
00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:13,216
I don't know what I'd do without you.
51
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- [SCREAMS]
- [HOMER GASPS]
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BURNS: Happy birthday, Lenny.
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No. No!
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No!
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[GASPING]
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Homie, what is it?
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I had the most horrible nightmare
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where I listened to your advice.
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HOMER: Okay, okay.
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00:02:31,777 --> 00:02:33,229
Okay, Homer, you can do this.
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You can make things right.
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[GRUNTING]
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[IMITATES GUITAR]
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[GOBBLING]
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Mr. Burns, everyone who signed
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00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:47,899
that birthday card chipped
in except for you.
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You owe five dollars.
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00:02:49,750 --> 00:02:52,219
How dare you...
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00:02:52,220 --> 00:02:54,539
give that the slightest worry.
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00:02:54,540 --> 00:02:56,369
Hope you didn't lose any sleep
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00:02:56,370 --> 00:02:58,039
over this little misunderstanding.
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00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:00,179
Here, have a cricket on
a thread for good luck.
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00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,682
[CHIRPS]
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00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:05,589
You monster...
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taking advantage of an old man.
76
00:03:07,060 --> 00:03:08,239
What are you talking about?
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00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:09,799
Mr. Burns is heavily medicated
78
00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:12,067
on a round-the-clock regimen
of skin thickeners.
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[SIGHS]
80
00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:17,529
The side effect of that medication
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is bouts of uncontrollable decency.
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And you exploited that.
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00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:23,949
I'm demoting you to the
worst job in this place:
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supervising the nuclear plant interns.
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♪ ♪
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[GROANS NERVOUSLY]
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[CHIRPS]
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[BIRD CAWS]
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Listen up, millenniums.
I'm Homer Simpson,
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00:03:37,420 --> 00:03:38,789
your new supervisor.
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00:03:38,790 --> 00:03:41,260
So stop Snapchatting, Fortnite-ing
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and swiping right on your Uber Venmos.
93
00:03:44,266 --> 00:03:47,599
We're actually replicating
plant start-up sequences
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00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:50,480
to simulate the effects of
high-demand energy draws.
95
00:03:50,481 --> 00:03:53,469
Contamination versus
irradiation... your thoughts?
96
00:03:53,470 --> 00:03:54,819
Address rate of reaction.
97
00:03:54,820 --> 00:03:57,069
What variables can we assume?
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00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:59,279
Uh...
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Der... Uh... Der-der...
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Der...
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This guy is denser than osmium-188.
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[INTERNS LAUGH]
103
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Are my ears hearing this?
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00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:17,789
Are you seriously busting the clangers
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00:04:17,790 --> 00:04:19,589
of Homer J. Simpsons?
106
00:04:19,590 --> 00:04:23,139
This man is a god and his
clangers are unbustable.
107
00:04:23,140 --> 00:04:25,219
You're looking at the Michael Jordan
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00:04:25,220 --> 00:04:26,719
of Sector 7G.
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00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:30,019
And you humps aren't worthy
to swill his backwash.
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You're sticking up for me?
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Who are you?
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00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:35,299
Mike Wegman, nuclear intern.
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And your number one fan.
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Yeah, well, your hero has a Pop-Tart
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in his cell phone holster.
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- [LAUGHTER]
- [GROANS]
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Are you kidding?
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[GROANS ANGRILY]
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No one disrespects Homer Simpsons.
120
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Not you, Ricky, with your standing desk.
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It's not a workout; it's been disproven.
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00:04:58,120 --> 00:04:59,669
And not you, Gretchen,
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drinking coffee creamer
straight from the bottle.
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00:05:02,140 --> 00:05:04,269
You exude amaretto, you freak.
125
00:05:04,270 --> 00:05:07,189
And, Benjamin, no one ever got trampled
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00:05:07,190 --> 00:05:09,099
at a Michael Bublé concert.
127
00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:12,271
Drop the friggin' lawsuit,
you're clogging up the system.
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This man is a dynamo.
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So you shaved coconuts give
him your full respect.
130
00:05:17,580 --> 00:05:19,839
All right, all right.
Sorry, Mr. Simpson.
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Looking forward to learning
from you, Mr. Simpson.
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People at work usually
yell at me, not for me.
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How do you know who I am?
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[LAUGHS] So modest. What a dynamo.
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- Because of this.
- Hmm?
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- _
- Whenever there's trouble,
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00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,499
you are at the heart of the action.
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00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:38,421
Number six is why all
those horses went bald.
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00:05:38,422 --> 00:05:41,439
Yeah. Well, I-I-I've been
looking up to you for so long
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00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:44,039
from the cheap seats, and now
we're finally face-to-face,
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I can't believe I'm saying
this, but I got to ask,
142
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w-will you be my coach? My sensei?
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00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:52,018
Homer J. Simpsons,
will you be my mentor?
144
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[GASPS]
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♪ ♪
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If you accept, let me know
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by taking this half a PowerBar.
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I rolled up the wrapper really
good so there's no pocket lint.
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00:06:02,740 --> 00:06:06,449
Mike Wegmans, I will be your mentor.
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00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:08,730
[SIGHS]
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Okay, which of these ties is better
152
00:06:20,460 --> 00:06:22,669
for my first day as a mentor?
153
00:06:22,670 --> 00:06:25,169
Purple stripes or this one?
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[SNIFFS] Are you wearing my perfume?
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I like it on you, he'll like it on me.
156
00:06:30,380 --> 00:06:32,659
Dad, it's not often that you...
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00:06:32,660 --> 00:06:33,739
how do I put this?
158
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Care so much about your job?
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Well, now that I'm a mentor,
everything's changed.
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For the first time, another human being
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is dependent on me to
guide them through life.
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00:06:44,488 --> 00:06:46,899
[BART AND LISA GROANING]
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00:06:46,900 --> 00:06:49,559
This guy I'm menting is so cool.
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00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:51,519
He listens with his mouth open.
165
00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:55,069
He's been blocked by so many
celebrities on Twitter.
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And he thinks I'm the
most valuable worker
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00:06:56,980 --> 00:06:58,579
at the entire nuclear plant.
168
00:06:58,580 --> 00:07:00,139
Oh, I get it.
169
00:07:00,140 --> 00:07:02,579
He's super dumb. [LAUGHS]
170
00:07:02,580 --> 00:07:04,519
Mock all you want.
171
00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:07,750
I finally have someone
at work who admires me.
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00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:11,169
[ALL LAUGHING]
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00:07:11,170 --> 00:07:12,640
He's fat.
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00:07:12,641 --> 00:07:14,509
Homer, your pants.
175
00:07:14,510 --> 00:07:16,260
They'll come around again.
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They always do.
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00:07:19,930 --> 00:07:21,599
There's my thoroughbred.
178
00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:23,620
I-I got your coffee just
the way you like it.
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00:07:23,630 --> 00:07:25,640
No coffee, just doughnut holes.
180
00:07:27,489 --> 00:07:30,269
Oh, my God, are you busting my bricks?
181
00:07:30,270 --> 00:07:31,399
I-Is this real?
182
00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:33,069
Sector 7G.
183
00:07:33,070 --> 00:07:36,540
7G, where Olympus fears to tread.
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He sure does.
185
00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:41,119
Okay, you are a category
five hurricane of knowledge,
186
00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:44,079
and I'm like that old idiot who
won't leave his beach house.
187
00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:46,619
Please, drown my in my
attic with what you know.
188
00:07:46,620 --> 00:07:48,134
I thought you might say that.
189
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:51,749
So I've prepared inspirational posters.
190
00:07:51,750 --> 00:07:53,339
- _
- I feel like Amar'e Stoudemire
191
00:07:53,340 --> 00:07:55,679
when he first set foot in Jerusalem.
192
00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:58,139
[CHUCKLING]
193
00:07:58,140 --> 00:07:59,479
W-What else you got?
194
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:00,980
- Uh, let's see...
- Uh-huh.
195
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,819
- Don't forget about the, uh...
- Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Yeah.
196
00:08:02,820 --> 00:08:04,159
- Oh, uh, and, of course...
- Gold.
197
00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:05,939
- ... you got to, you just got to.
- Gold. Okay.
198
00:08:05,940 --> 00:08:07,399
- Because if you don't...
- Soakin' it in. Gold.
199
00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:08,559
- Well, oh.
- Soakin' it in.
200
00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:09,939
- Well, they don't have that anymore.
- I can remember this.
201
00:08:09,940 --> 00:08:11,239
- And you see these?
- Yeah.
202
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:13,744
- I'm gonna tell you that later.
- Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Yeah.
203
00:08:13,745 --> 00:08:15,179
I can't believe this.
204
00:08:15,180 --> 00:08:18,119
I-I'm only 35 and I am
sitting at the feet
205
00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:19,789
of the atomic Baba Booey.
206
00:08:19,790 --> 00:08:22,460
Mm. You're 35?
207
00:08:22,470 --> 00:08:24,409
Then why do you have a
job of a 20-year-old
208
00:08:24,410 --> 00:08:25,969
and talk like a ten-year-old?
209
00:08:25,970 --> 00:08:27,039
Here's how it is.
210
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:28,499
So, my buddy 'Nesto and me
211
00:08:28,500 --> 00:08:29,879
were cleaning gutters for cash,
212
00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:32,279
when that idiot 'Nesto falls off
213
00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:35,219
and lands on a doghouse. Stupid 'Nesto.
214
00:08:35,220 --> 00:08:37,859
Then my parents are on my
case to get a real career,
215
00:08:37,860 --> 00:08:39,499
something "closer to the ground."
216
00:08:39,500 --> 00:08:41,639
So I thought, "Why not follow my hero
217
00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:44,139
"into man's greatest calling?
218
00:08:44,140 --> 00:08:45,799
Nuclear whatever."
219
00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:47,119
So I went down to the plant,
220
00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:48,899
told them I was part Native American...
221
00:08:48,900 --> 00:08:50,939
I could be, I always liked those guys...
222
00:08:50,940 --> 00:08:52,859
and boom! I'm an intern.
223
00:08:52,860 --> 00:08:55,659
Three short years later,
got myself a mentor.
224
00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:58,679
Wow. My posters really worked.
225
00:08:58,680 --> 00:09:00,819
But you don't need me telling
you how great you are,
226
00:09:00,820 --> 00:09:02,583
y-you get enough of that at home.
227
00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:06,499
[DISTORTED LAUGHTER]
228
00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:08,999
BURNS: Happy birthday, Lenny.
229
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,799
Say, Mike,
230
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,719
why don't you come over
to my house for dinner?
231
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,019
I've got some people
I'd like to introduce
232
00:09:16,020 --> 00:09:17,719
to the way you act around me.
233
00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:19,433
Okay. I-I could do that.
234
00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:21,149
I could make that happen.
235
00:09:21,150 --> 00:09:22,849
Huh. I got this.
236
00:09:22,850 --> 00:09:25,019
Hey, Lenny, you duck-faced psycho,
237
00:09:25,020 --> 00:09:27,179
guess who's going to
Homer Simpson's house
238
00:09:27,180 --> 00:09:28,849
for a meal? Me.
239
00:09:28,850 --> 00:09:30,430
CARL: Uh, I'm Carl.
240
00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:33,879
I wish you would give
me more of a heads-up
241
00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:36,279
before inviting a mentee for dinner.
242
00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:37,599
I guess we'll have enough
243
00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:41,159
if I double the chip
layer on the casserole.
244
00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:44,417
Don't worry, you're gonna love this kid.
245
00:09:44,420 --> 00:09:47,002
Kid? He looks 40-plus.
246
00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:49,919
Oh, Homer, she is a beaut.
247
00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:52,419
Now I know why you're
always napping at work.
248
00:09:52,420 --> 00:09:54,159
Mr. Plow, indeed.
249
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:55,969
Hello. I'm Marge.
250
00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:57,759
Mike Wegman. This is Maureen.
251
00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:00,469
And this is Patrick Ewing Wegman.
252
00:10:00,470 --> 00:10:03,320
It's a girl. You can't name her Patrick.
253
00:10:03,330 --> 00:10:06,159
2.4 blocks per game, lifetime.
254
00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:07,560
She's Patrick.
255
00:10:07,566 --> 00:10:09,029
Look at this spread.
256
00:10:09,030 --> 00:10:11,579
I-I was expecting, like, a-a party sub,
257
00:10:11,580 --> 00:10:14,238
but hot carrots? Who thinks of that?
258
00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:16,769
Slow it, you'll burn your mouth again.
259
00:10:16,770 --> 00:10:18,540
All right, all right,
I'm gonna blow on 'em.
260
00:10:18,550 --> 00:10:19,739
[BLOWING]
261
00:10:19,740 --> 00:10:21,489
Thank you for having us.
262
00:10:21,490 --> 00:10:24,289
Mike admires your husband so much.
263
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:26,519
Do you hear that? "So much"!
264
00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:28,409
They don't admire me any much.
265
00:10:28,410 --> 00:10:29,959
[CHUCKLES]
266
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:32,039
You better hold on to this guy, Marge,
267
00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:34,299
'cause if he were single,
he'd be cleaning up.
268
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:36,959
I mean cleaning up, knee-deep.
269
00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:38,379
[CHUCKLES]: Don't worry, honey.
270
00:10:38,380 --> 00:10:40,339
You're the only woman for me.
271
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:41,724
I wasn't worried.
272
00:10:41,725 --> 00:10:45,227
So, Mrs. Wegman, how did you two meet?
273
00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:47,059
Oh, well, you're gonna love this story.
274
00:10:47,060 --> 00:10:49,079
It's so romantic. Tell her, honey.
275
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:50,139
Go ahead, tell her.
276
00:10:50,140 --> 00:10:51,979
He was a waiter at my wedding.
277
00:10:51,980 --> 00:10:54,259
She was so beautiful,
like one of those girls
278
00:10:54,260 --> 00:10:56,559
you see leaving Vinny's
bedroom on Entourage
279
00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:57,899
that don't say nothin'.
280
00:10:57,900 --> 00:10:59,283
[MIKE LAUGHS]
281
00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:00,610
[SLURPS]
282
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:04,939
So, Mike, you seem like a sharp tack.
283
00:11:04,940 --> 00:11:07,259
What exactly is my dad teaching you?
284
00:11:07,260 --> 00:11:09,119
How to eat doughnuts while napping?
285
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:10,779
[SNORTS, LAUGHS]
286
00:11:10,780 --> 00:11:13,539
Did this little hump just
say what I thought I heard?
287
00:11:13,540 --> 00:11:15,099
It's okay, Mike. I don't sweat it.
288
00:11:15,100 --> 00:11:17,659
Yeah, Mike, the only thing
Homer sweats is gravy.
289
00:11:17,660 --> 00:11:18,880
- [LAUGHS]
- [GROANS ANGRILY]
290
00:11:20,130 --> 00:11:23,540
No one disrespects Homer Simpsons!
291
00:11:23,550 --> 00:11:26,859
Especially not an ugly
little punk like you.
292
00:11:26,860 --> 00:11:28,359
That's right, I said "ugly."
293
00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:30,319
Your head looks like a rejected Muppet.
294
00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:32,859
Two golf balls glued to a can of oats.
295
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:36,460
Between that Tommy Lasorda gut
and those toothpick legs,
296
00:11:36,470 --> 00:11:39,908
you are not a kid... you are
a walkin' potato clock.
297
00:11:41,490 --> 00:11:45,279
Ha-ha-ha! Ugly! Ha!
298
00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:46,739
[LAUGHING UNCONTROLLABLY]
299
00:11:46,740 --> 00:11:49,759
Muppet... [CONTINUES LAUGHING]
300
00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:53,549
Ah! Toothpick legs!
301
00:11:53,550 --> 00:11:54,879
Potato clock!
302
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:59,552
[SOBBING]
303
00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:02,709
I'm just bustin' your clangers, kid.
304
00:12:02,710 --> 00:12:03,723
All right, it's okay.
305
00:12:03,724 --> 00:12:06,389
I want you out!
306
00:12:06,390 --> 00:12:11,339
[BART SOBBING]
307
00:12:11,340 --> 00:12:13,929
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
308
00:12:13,930 --> 00:12:16,819
Where's the baby registered?!
309
00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:18,649
MAUREEN: DraftKings!
310
00:12:18,650 --> 00:12:21,759
How many times do I
have to say I'm sorry?
311
00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:23,379
Once would be nice.
312
00:12:23,380 --> 00:12:25,661
Wow, you're really bustin' my clangers.
313
00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:27,121
That guy's a lunatic.
314
00:12:27,122 --> 00:12:28,449
He's not crazy.
315
00:12:28,450 --> 00:12:30,292
He's the only one that respects me!
316
00:12:30,293 --> 00:12:32,459
The kids and I respect you.
317
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:34,499
All you guys ever did was love me.
318
00:12:34,500 --> 00:12:36,879
But look me in the eyes and
tell me you respect me,
319
00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:38,789
as a nuclear guy.
320
00:12:38,790 --> 00:12:40,719
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
321
00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:46,079
I just liked the feeling
322
00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:48,439
that one person thinks
I'm good at something.
323
00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:50,739
Mm, I get it, Homie.
324
00:12:50,740 --> 00:12:52,990
But if you really want to help this guy,
325
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:54,560
help him grow up.
326
00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:56,650
[GROANS SOFTLY]
327
00:12:56,651 --> 00:12:57,985
[BIRD CAWS]
328
00:12:57,986 --> 00:12:59,759
MIKE: Come on, Fordham,
329
00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:01,139
Bucknell's got no rim protection.
330
00:13:01,140 --> 00:13:03,319
They're garbage. Just cover the spread.
331
00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:04,539
[GROANS]
332
00:13:04,540 --> 00:13:06,319
Hey, Homer. How's it clangin'?
333
00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:08,799
I'm, uh, just tunin' in to
a little college hoops.
334
00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:11,419
Yeah, Mike, I was thinking,
335
00:13:11,420 --> 00:13:15,299
if you weren't a
35-year-old unpaid intern
336
00:13:15,300 --> 00:13:18,519
with a baby on the way, do
you have any other dreams?
337
00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:21,299
Ah, man, you are mentoring
me hard right now.
338
00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:22,679
Oh, okay, I'm gonna tell you,
339
00:13:22,680 --> 00:13:24,749
- but don't laugh.
- I won't.
340
00:13:24,750 --> 00:13:26,839
- Slices.
- Uh-huh.
341
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:29,099
Nothing better than getting
a slice of pizza, right?
342
00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:31,769
But it's always been under
the heat lamp all dried out.
343
00:13:31,770 --> 00:13:33,687
Damn heat lamp.
344
00:13:33,688 --> 00:13:36,599
Right. So why not make the
pizza one slice at a time,
345
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:37,679
hot and fresh?
346
00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:40,199
Every slice is Derek Jeter.
347
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:42,319
No Scott Brosius in the bunch.
348
00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:44,640
[GASPS] That's genius!
349
00:13:44,650 --> 00:13:46,559
Oh, my God, I can't believe you like it.
350
00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:49,679
Mike! You know what you
should call your slices?
351
00:13:49,680 --> 00:13:52,259
Mike's Slices.
352
00:13:52,260 --> 00:13:54,079
- I'm Mike!
- Yeah!
353
00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:56,019
Okay, what you need is an investor,
354
00:13:56,020 --> 00:13:58,419
and I know the perfect person.
355
00:13:58,420 --> 00:13:59,870
He gave me five dollars.
356
00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:03,460
Every slice hot and fresh
357
00:14:03,470 --> 00:14:05,379
from the oven into your mouth.
358
00:14:05,380 --> 00:14:07,439
Every slice a Jeter.
359
00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:10,099
No Scott Brosiuses.
360
00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:13,102
Why can't I get a whole
pizza and slice it myself?
361
00:14:13,103 --> 00:14:14,659
There are no whole pizzas.
362
00:14:14,660 --> 00:14:17,479
It's just slices, hot and fresh.
363
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:20,199
And don't worry about investing
with this guy, Mr. Burns,
364
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:22,959
because he's backed by
the full mentorship
365
00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:24,939
of Homer J. Simpsons.
366
00:14:24,940 --> 00:14:27,479
Then it's my pleasure to tell you...
367
00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:31,379
that that is the stupidest
idea I've ever heard.
368
00:14:31,380 --> 00:14:34,331
Get this intern out of my
office, you nincompoop!
369
00:14:34,332 --> 00:14:35,379
[GROANS ANGRILY]
370
00:14:35,380 --> 00:14:37,499
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
371
00:14:37,500 --> 00:14:41,739
Ho! No one disrespects
Homer J. Simpsons.
372
00:14:41,740 --> 00:14:43,089
No, Mike, don't.
373
00:14:43,090 --> 00:14:45,329
Nin... com... poop!
374
00:14:45,330 --> 00:14:48,059
Listen to me, you skunk-bag
full of Centrum Silver
375
00:14:48,060 --> 00:14:49,779
sitting on your peanut brittle ass
376
00:14:49,780 --> 00:14:51,779
with your turn-of-the-century
buzzard face.
377
00:14:51,780 --> 00:14:54,659
You ain't worthy to squeegee
this man's back sweat.
378
00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:56,699
You smell like Chinese
food that someone left
379
00:14:56,700 --> 00:14:57,999
in an old jack-o'-lantern.
380
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:01,459
My mentor is the shiniest
diamond in the whole Zales,
381
00:15:01,460 --> 00:15:04,139
so stuff your organs back in their jars
382
00:15:04,140 --> 00:15:06,079
and crawl in your mummy box,
383
00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:08,740
you sick, fungused-up, hep-C Dracula!
384
00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:11,879
[GASPS]
385
00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:14,230
By the way, he's off his happy pills.
386
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:20,899
You're lucky Mr. Burns's
gun was 200 years old.
387
00:15:20,900 --> 00:15:22,299
Yeah, but now my doctor says
388
00:15:22,300 --> 00:15:24,119
I can't get shot in the face again.
389
00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:26,079
Who's ugly now, pellet-head?
390
00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:27,927
[CHUCKLES MOCKINGLY]
391
00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:31,379
Come on, it's okay. Don't cry.
392
00:15:31,380 --> 00:15:34,239
I'm not. All the BBs in my
head are making it heavy.
393
00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:35,919
Mike, this is all my fault.
394
00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:38,760
I know you think I'm a great
nuclear guy, but I'm not.
395
00:15:38,770 --> 00:15:40,659
I didn't stop those accidents.
396
00:15:40,660 --> 00:15:41,980
I caused them.
397
00:15:41,983 --> 00:15:43,651
- Huh? No. No.
- [BBS CLATTERING]
398
00:15:43,652 --> 00:15:46,139
All my posters... "Bet on Yourself,"
399
00:15:46,140 --> 00:15:47,640
"Go Big or Go Home"...
400
00:15:47,650 --> 00:15:50,879
I was caught shoplifting
those from a poster store.
401
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:54,059
I was trying to go big, and
they wouldn't let me go home.
402
00:15:54,060 --> 00:15:57,329
Mike, face it, I'm a bad mentor.
403
00:15:57,330 --> 00:16:00,489
No one disrespects Homer Simpsons.
404
00:16:00,490 --> 00:16:01,500
Not even you.
405
00:16:01,503 --> 00:16:04,559
You're the best mentor a
lousy bride-banger like me
406
00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:07,139
could ever ask for.
And I'm gonna prove it.
407
00:16:07,140 --> 00:16:08,969
- [DOOR CLOSES]
- Who spilled BBs
408
00:16:08,970 --> 00:16:11,054
- all over the... whoa!
- [BBS CLATTERING]
409
00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:16,219
MIKE: Yo! Mentor!
410
00:16:16,220 --> 00:16:18,859
["THAT'S AMORE" INSTRUMENTAL
PLAYING OVER PA]
411
00:16:18,860 --> 00:16:21,679
- _
- [TIRES SCREECH]
412
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:23,919
Anybody want a slice of pizza
413
00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:26,159
that wasn't sliced from a pizza?
414
00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:27,736
Where'd you get a food truck?
415
00:16:27,737 --> 00:16:31,059
It's all cause of you, mentor,
all cause of you. Deal with it.
416
00:16:31,060 --> 00:16:33,399
The boys and I will take a large pie.
417
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:35,259
Can't you read a truck, Cookie Puss?
418
00:16:35,260 --> 00:16:36,399
Slices only!
419
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,164
All righty, three slices, please.
420
00:16:38,165 --> 00:16:42,059
They'll be ready in 13,
26 and 39 minutes.
421
00:16:42,060 --> 00:16:44,099
And don't block the
window, sizzle chest.
422
00:16:44,100 --> 00:16:46,749
When will my slice be ready?
423
00:16:46,750 --> 00:16:49,719
And by "slice," I mean the first payment
424
00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:52,339
on your outstanding loan.
425
00:16:52,340 --> 00:16:54,680
You borrowed money from the mob?!
426
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:56,669
No, no, no, no, no, no. It's all good.
427
00:16:56,670 --> 00:17:00,539
I took a one-week loan from
Fat Tony for a hundred grand.
428
00:17:00,540 --> 00:17:02,439
I put $50k into the truck
429
00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:05,104
and then bet the other 50
on tonight's Lehigh game,
430
00:17:05,105 --> 00:17:07,079
which is a lock. So when I win the bet,
431
00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:08,309
I pay back the mob,
432
00:17:08,310 --> 00:17:10,529
and I own the truck free and clear.
433
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,019
Oh, no.
434
00:17:12,020 --> 00:17:14,199
You bet on yourself!
435
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,439
Go big or go home, baby.
436
00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:18,539
ANNOUNCER: And Lehigh's in trouble
437
00:17:18,540 --> 00:17:21,379
as Holy Cross goes on an
unanswered 20-point run.
438
00:17:21,380 --> 00:17:24,379
[SHOUTS] No, no, no, Lehigh is a lock!
439
00:17:24,380 --> 00:17:27,040
They're undefeated on floors
with hockey ice beneath them.
440
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:31,219
Yet again, a man's life hangs
by the gossamer thread
441
00:17:31,220 --> 00:17:33,559
of Patriot League basketball.
442
00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:34,879
Guns up.
443
00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:36,130
[COCKING GUNS]
444
00:17:36,139 --> 00:17:38,339
ANNOUNCER: But Lehigh takes
the lead with a three
445
00:17:38,340 --> 00:17:40,299
from way behind the arc.
446
00:17:40,300 --> 00:17:42,299
- BOTH: Yes!
- Guns down.
447
00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:43,599
[UNCOCKING GUNS]
448
00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:44,699
ANNOUNCER: But the Crusaders answer
449
00:17:44,700 --> 00:17:46,839
- with a floater in the key!
- [COCKING GUNS]
450
00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:49,699
And Lehigh comes back
with a monster dunk!
451
00:17:49,700 --> 00:17:52,069
- Yeah!
- [UNCOCKING GUNS]
452
00:17:52,070 --> 00:17:55,939
As the final seconds tick away,
Lehigh has this one in the bag!
453
00:17:55,940 --> 00:17:57,299
BOTH: Whoo-hoo!
454
00:17:57,300 --> 00:17:58,739
The body bag!
455
00:17:58,740 --> 00:18:00,499
As a last-second half-court heave
456
00:18:00,500 --> 00:18:02,450
gives Holy Cross the win.
457
00:18:02,457 --> 00:18:04,119
Guns up.
458
00:18:04,120 --> 00:18:06,001
Safeties off.
459
00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:07,837
[GUNS CLICKING]
460
00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:09,087
[TIRES SCREECH]
461
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:10,559
Don't worry, I know a place
462
00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:11,965
where they will never find us.
463
00:18:11,966 --> 00:18:15,089
- _
- [DOG HOWLING]
464
00:18:15,090 --> 00:18:20,183
HOMER: [GASPS] A food truck graveyard.
465
00:18:25,580 --> 00:18:28,099
Why are there so many failed ones?
466
00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:30,930
'Cause they don't have an
original concept, like me.
467
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:35,400
[TIRES SCREECH]
468
00:18:39,950 --> 00:18:43,359
[HOMER WHIMPERING]
469
00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:44,748
[BOTH GASP]
470
00:18:44,749 --> 00:18:48,539
[BOTH MOANING NERVOUSLY]
471
00:18:48,540 --> 00:18:50,639
Homer, I got to tell you one thing.
472
00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:52,039
Your boy's not ugly.
473
00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:53,259
He's gorgeous.
474
00:18:53,260 --> 00:18:54,499
Just like his old man.
475
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:56,079
He's gonna clean up.
476
00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:57,959
Tell baby Patrick I loved her.
477
00:18:57,960 --> 00:18:59,681
All right, do me.
478
00:19:00,700 --> 00:19:01,719
[SNIFFING]
479
00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:04,139
I smell mozzarella
480
00:19:04,140 --> 00:19:09,009
gently melting over a single
slice of triangular dough.
481
00:19:09,010 --> 00:19:12,943
Before the end, we will share a pie.
482
00:19:12,944 --> 00:19:15,196
It's just slices, you goombah caveman!
483
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:19,159
Mmm! Usually a slice is dried out
484
00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:22,059
from sitting under a heat lamp,
but this is hot and fresh!
485
00:19:22,060 --> 00:19:24,339
See? This guy has good ideas.
486
00:19:24,340 --> 00:19:25,739
What if...
487
00:19:25,740 --> 00:19:29,459
you let Mike work in the
truck to pay you back?
488
00:19:29,460 --> 00:19:32,419
No. The food truck business
is too big a gamble.
489
00:19:32,420 --> 00:19:34,719
And even our gambling
operation is in trouble
490
00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:37,800
with the advent of
legal online wagering.
491
00:19:37,802 --> 00:19:40,249
Too bad you can't take
action out of my food truck,
492
00:19:40,250 --> 00:19:41,879
let the betting come to you.
493
00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:43,469
Now, do me already!
494
00:19:43,470 --> 00:19:46,520
A food truck that takes bets?
495
00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:50,299
I'll take a slice of cheese
496
00:19:50,300 --> 00:19:52,510
and the moneyline on Georgetown.
497
00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:58,019
Yo, Tony! We're raking
it in on the sportsbook.
498
00:19:58,020 --> 00:20:01,230
And it was a great idea to sell
weed out of this thing also.
499
00:20:04,300 --> 00:20:07,699
Homer, you believed in this stagelagoots
500
00:20:07,700 --> 00:20:09,160
when no one else would.
501
00:20:09,170 --> 00:20:12,139
You listened to him, nurtured his ideas,
502
00:20:12,140 --> 00:20:14,299
and now he is a success.
503
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:18,209
Truly, you are an excellent mentor.
504
00:20:18,210 --> 00:20:20,179
♪ Let ♪
505
00:20:20,180 --> 00:20:23,299
♪ The river run ♪
506
00:20:23,300 --> 00:20:26,719
♪ Let all the dreamers ♪
507
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:30,719
♪ Wake the nation ♪
508
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:33,059
♪ Come ♪
509
00:20:33,060 --> 00:20:39,059
♪ The new Jerusalem... ♪
510
00:20:39,060 --> 00:20:42,919
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
511
00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:47,080
♪ Silver cities rise... ♪
512
00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:53,409
♪ It's asking for the taking ♪
513
00:20:53,410 --> 00:20:54,759
_
514
00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:58,423
♪ Trembling, shaking ♪
515
00:20:58,424 --> 00:20:59,959
_
516
00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:03,428
♪ Oh, my heart is aching ♪
517
00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:05,049
_
518
00:21:05,050 --> 00:21:06,399
♪ We're coming to the edge ♪
519
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:08,019
♪ Running on the water ♪
520
00:21:08,020 --> 00:21:10,579
♪ Coming through the fog,
your sons and daughters ♪
521
00:21:10,580 --> 00:21:14,939
- ♪ Let the river run ♪
- ♪ Let the river run ♪
522
00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:18,440
- ♪ Let all the dreamers ♪
- ♪ Let all the dreamers ♪
523
00:21:18,444 --> 00:21:21,446
- ♪ Wake the nation ♪
- ♪ Wake the nation ♪
524
00:21:21,447 --> 00:21:27,203
♪ Come, the new Jerusalem... ♪
37553
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