Original subtitles

Let's kick things off with someone who

Let's kick things off with someone who

Let's kick things off with someone who was definitely in the Epstein files,

was definitely in the Epstein files,

was definitely in the Epstein files, Jeffrey Epstein.

Jeffrey Epstein.

Jeffrey Epstein. We've seen millions of his texts and

We've seen millions of his texts and

We've seen millions of his texts and emails already, but there was one very

emails already, but there was one very

emails already, but there was one very important document we hadn't seen until

important document we hadn't seen until

important document we hadn't seen until now.

now.

now. >> Breaking news tonight. A judge has

>> Breaking news tonight. A judge has

>> Breaking news tonight. A judge has released what is said to be a suicide

released what is said to be a suicide

released what is said to be a suicide note written by the late convicted sex

note written by the late convicted sex

note written by the late convicted sex offender Jeffrey Evstein. It is a treat

offender Jeffrey Evstein. It is a treat

offender Jeffrey Evstein. It is a treat to be able to choose one's time to say

to be able to choose one's time to say

to be able to choose one's time to say goodbye. What you want me to do? Bust

goodbye. What you want me to do? Bust

goodbye. What you want me to do? Bust out crying. No fun, not worth it.

>> No fun, not worth it. His last words

>> No fun, not worth it. His last words

>> No fun, not worth it. His last words were the same words I said when I bailed

were the same words I said when I bailed

were the same words I said when I bailed on the new season of Land Man.

Just kidding. All 437 Taylor Sheridan

Just kidding. All 437 Taylor Sheridan

Just kidding. All 437 Taylor Sheridan shows are equally excellent and

shows are equally excellent and

shows are equally excellent and available now on Paramount Plus.

available now on Paramount Plus.

available now on Paramount Plus. But let's move on because this weekend

But let's move on because this weekend

But let's move on because this weekend is Mother's Day. The day we celebrate

is Mother's Day. The day we celebrate

is Mother's Day. The day we celebrate all the incredible women who pee a

all the incredible women who pee a

all the incredible women who pee a little when they sneeze too hard.

little when they sneeze too hard.

little when they sneeze too hard. Trump marked the occasion with an event

Trump marked the occasion with an event

Trump marked the occasion with an event honoring military moms, or as he calls

honoring military moms, or as he calls

honoring military moms, or as he calls them, military mils. And I assume he

them, military mils. And I assume he

them, military mils. And I assume he showed them the love and respect they

showed them the love and respect they

showed them the love and respect they deserve.

deserve.

deserve. >> We're also honored to be joined by a

>> We're also honored to be joined by a

>> We're also honored to be joined by a military mother who sacrificed far more

military mother who sacrificed far more

military mother who sacrificed far more than most. That's Melody Wolf. And uh

than most. That's Melody Wolf. And uh

than most. That's Melody Wolf. And uh you know I love the name Melody because

you know I love the name Melody because

you know I love the name Melody because for a long time you know they have spell

for a long time you know they have spell

for a long time you know they have spell correct and word correct on these crazy

correct and word correct on these crazy

correct and word correct on these crazy machines that we use to put out truths

machines that we use to put out truths

machines that we use to put out truths or they used to be called tweets.

or they used to be called tweets.

or they used to be called tweets. >> Uhoh. Look out. He's leaving.

>> Uhoh. Look out. He's leaving.

>> Uhoh. Look out. He's leaving. >> Every time I wrote Melania it would

>> Every time I wrote Melania it would

>> Every time I wrote Melania it would correct to melody.

correct to melody.

correct to melody. So I'd do thing and I work very fast.

So I'd do thing and I work very fast.

So I'd do thing and I work very fast. Very fast.

Well, now I know what I'm not getting

Well, now I know what I'm not getting

Well, now I know what I'm not getting for Mother's Day. Horny ever again.

for Mother's Day. Horny ever again.

for Mother's Day. Horny ever again. I think we just experienced the last

I think we just experienced the last

I think we just experienced the last thing a Big Mac sees right before the

thing a Big Mac sees right before the

thing a Big Mac sees right before the lights go out.

lights go out.

lights go out. But don't worry, Trump turned off his

But don't worry, Trump turned off his

But don't worry, Trump turned off his autocorrect. Just kidding. He did this.

autocorrect. Just kidding. He did this.

autocorrect. Just kidding. He did this. >> I didn't know about that little feature,

>> I didn't know about that little feature,

>> I didn't know about that little feature, but I got that corrected eventually. You

but I got that corrected eventually. You

but I got that corrected eventually. You know who corrected? The military.

know who corrected? The military.

know who corrected? The military. >> I'm sorry. The military had to fix your

>> I'm sorry. The military had to fix your

>> I'm sorry. The military had to fix your autocorrect problem.

autocorrect problem.

autocorrect problem. Trump heard he had to go to his phone's

Trump heard he had to go to his phone's

Trump heard he had to go to his phone's general settings and he was like, "Okay,

general settings and he was like, "Okay,

general settings and he was like, "Okay, then get me general settings."

>> And get me captain airplane mode, too,

>> And get me captain airplane mode, too,

>> And get me captain airplane mode, too, just in case.

just in case.

just in case. >> Mr. President, can you please stop with

>> Mr. President, can you please stop with

>> Mr. President, can you please stop with your weird stories? You see uh drug

your weird stories? You see uh drug

your weird stories? You see uh drug traffic coming into our countries way

traffic coming into our countries way

traffic coming into our countries way down and by sea by sea by ocean by the

down and by sea by sea by ocean by the

down and by sea by sea by ocean by the water. You know a lot of people say what

water. You know a lot of people say what

water. You know a lot of people say what do you mean by sea? Is it sea like

do you mean by sea? Is it sea like

do you mean by sea? Is it sea like vision? No it's the sea.

vision? No it's the sea.

vision? No it's the sea. >> What?

>> What?

>> What? No one has ever been confused by that

No one has ever been confused by that

No one has ever been confused by that phrase. If you if you say by sea, it's

phrase. If you if you say by sea, it's

phrase. If you if you say by sea, it's obvious that sea means ocean and by

obvious that sea means ocean and by

obvious that sea means ocean and by means bisexual. I mean at least until it

means bisexual. I mean at least until it

means bisexual. I mean at least until it graduates.

graduates.

graduates. Look, anyone who watches this speech

Look, anyone who watches this speech

Look, anyone who watches this speech must be questioning if this man should

must be questioning if this man should

must be questioning if this man should be president. Inflation is rising.

be president. Inflation is rising.

be president. Inflation is rising. Corruption is through the roof. We are

Corruption is through the roof. We are

Corruption is through the roof. We are losing a war he shouldn't have started.

losing a war he shouldn't have started.

losing a war he shouldn't have started. And he's spending his days rambling

And he's spending his days rambling

And he's spending his days rambling about autocorrect and building a

about autocorrect and building a

about autocorrect and building a ballroom for himself and Melody.

ballroom for himself and Melody.

ballroom for himself and Melody. Sure.

Sure.

Sure. Surely at this point he's got to be

Surely at this point he's got to be

Surely at this point he's got to be losing support among Republicans.

losing support among Republicans.

losing support among Republicans. There's this myth that's going on right

There's this myth that's going on right

There's this myth that's going on right now that, oh, Trump is really losing

now that, oh, Trump is really losing

now that, oh, Trump is really losing support among Republicans, but compared

support among Republicans, but compared

support among Republicans, but compared to other midterm cycles, he's just as

to other midterm cycles, he's just as

to other midterm cycles, he's just as popular with Republicans as he has ever

popular with Republicans as he has ever

popular with Republicans as he has ever been.

>> Face is still sticking with him after

>> Face is still sticking with him after

>> Face is still sticking with him after everything. Look, I know it's hard to

everything. Look, I know it's hard to

everything. Look, I know it's hard to admit you're wrong. Take it from me, the

admit you're wrong. Take it from me, the

admit you're wrong. Take it from me, the creator of the Facebook group Jared

creator of the Facebook group Jared

creator of the Facebook group Jared Fogle would make the most awesome

Fogle would make the most awesome

Fogle would make the most awesome babysitter.

But at this point, you got to cut your

But at this point, you got to cut your

But at this point, you got to cut your losses. I mean, what is it? Do you have

losses. I mean, what is it? Do you have

losses. I mean, what is it? Do you have a humiliation kink or something?

a humiliation kink or something?

a humiliation kink or something? >> This polling to me jumped out at me.

>> This polling to me jumped out at me.

>> This polling to me jumped out at me. They asked Republicans, "Who would win

They asked Republicans, "Who would win

They asked Republicans, "Who would win in a physical fight with Trump? Would

in a physical fight with Trump? Would

in a physical fight with Trump? Would you be able to beat up Donald Trump or

you be able to beat up Donald Trump or

you be able to beat up Donald Trump or would he beat you up?" 39% of

would he beat you up?" 39% of

would he beat you up?" 39% of Republicans said, "Trump would beat me

Republicans said, "Trump would beat me

Republicans said, "Trump would beat me up."

up."

up." >> So, you have a humiliation kink. But you

>> So, you have a humiliation kink. But you

>> So, you have a humiliation kink. But you really think you'd lose a fight to an

really think you'd lose a fight to an

really think you'd lose a fight to an 80year-old man? I mean, come on,

80year-old man? I mean, come on,

80year-old man? I mean, come on, Republicans. Believe in yourself.

Republicans. Believe in yourself.

Republicans. Believe in yourself. Where's that storming the capital

Where's that storming the capital

Where's that storming the capital confidence?

confidence?

confidence? To be fair, this is an incredibly weird

To be fair, this is an incredibly weird

To be fair, this is an incredibly weird phone call to receive. Uh, yeah, Dave,

phone call to receive. Uh, yeah, Dave,

phone call to receive. Uh, yeah, Dave, it's the polling company. You think you

it's the polling company. You think you

it's the polling company. You think you could take President Trump, youing

could take President Trump, youing

could take President Trump, youing [\h__\h]

[\h__\h]

[\h__\h] The question is, will Trump's base ever

The question is, will Trump's base ever

The question is, will Trump's base ever abandon him? For more analysis, let's go

abandon him? For more analysis, let's go

abandon him? For more analysis, let's go live to our very own Troy Iada and

live to our very own Troy Iada and

live to our very own Troy Iada and Jordan Clapper.

Troy. Troy, let's start with you. What

Troy. Troy, let's start with you. What

Troy. Troy, let's start with you. What does this poll say about the devotion of

does this poll say about the devotion of

does this poll say about the devotion of Trump's face?

Trump's face?

Trump's face? >> Uh, it says they're very stupid, Desi.

>> Uh, it says they're very stupid, Desi.

>> Uh, it says they're very stupid, Desi. Yeah. Uh, because Trump would never win

Yeah. Uh, because Trump would never win

Yeah. Uh, because Trump would never win in a fight. He's He's obese. He's slow.

in a fight. He's He's obese. He's slow.

in a fight. He's He's obese. He's slow. He already has bruises even though there

He already has bruises even though there

He already has bruises even though there hasn't even been a fight yet.

hasn't even been a fight yet.

hasn't even been a fight yet. >> No, I I'm just curious about the mindset

>> No, I I'm just curious about the mindset

>> No, I I'm just curious about the mindset of his supporters. I'm not wondering who

of his supporters. I'm not wondering who

of his supporters. I'm not wondering who would win the fight.

would win the fight.

would win the fight. >> Well, I'm I'm not wondering either. I

>> Well, I'm I'm not wondering either. I

>> Well, I'm I'm not wondering either. I know who would win the fight. Literally

know who would win the fight. Literally

know who would win the fight. Literally anyone or anything else. I mean, look at

anyone or anything else. I mean, look at

anyone or anything else. I mean, look at him. His ass is already getting whooped

him. His ass is already getting whooped

him. His ass is already getting whooped by Father Time. Desi Desi, look, I I

by Father Time. Desi Desi, look, I I

by Father Time. Desi Desi, look, I I don't think Troy fully understood the

don't think Troy fully understood the

don't think Troy fully understood the question. Do you mind if I provide some

question. Do you mind if I provide some

question. Do you mind if I provide some analysis here?

analysis here?

analysis here? >> Oh, yeah. Thank you, Jordan.

>> Oh, yeah. Thank you, Jordan.

>> Oh, yeah. Thank you, Jordan. >> Sure, Desi. Troy, Trump would totally

>> Sure, Desi. Troy, Trump would totally

>> Sure, Desi. Troy, Trump would totally dominate in a fight.

dominate in a fight.

dominate in a fight. >> Okay, that's not what I meant.

>> Okay, that's not what I meant.

>> Okay, that's not what I meant. >> Sure, he's slow, but he'll fight dirty.

>> Sure, he's slow, but he'll fight dirty.

>> Sure, he's slow, but he'll fight dirty. I'm talking ball taps, purple nerples,

I'm talking ball taps, purple nerples,

I'm talking ball taps, purple nerples, chocolate swirlies, mushroom stamping,

chocolate swirlies, mushroom stamping,

chocolate swirlies, mushroom stamping, Dutch ovens. I could go on.

Dutch ovens. I could go on.

Dutch ovens. I could go on. >> No, that's

>> No, that's

>> No, that's >> and I will. Hair chalking, turkey

>> and I will. Hair chalking, turkey

>> and I will. Hair chalking, turkey goblin, Serbian scrotum torture. Oh man,

goblin, Serbian scrotum torture. Oh man,

goblin, Serbian scrotum torture. Oh man, it would be over quick.

it would be over quick.

it would be over quick. >> YEAH. YEAH. YEAH.

>> YEAH. YEAH. YEAH.

>> YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. >> You're crazy, Jordan. Do you forget how

>> You're crazy, Jordan. Do you forget how

>> You're crazy, Jordan. Do you forget how old Trump is at this point? He's got to

old Trump is at this point? He's got to

old Trump is at this point? He's got to be more prostate than muscle.

be more prostate than muscle.

be more prostate than muscle. >> No,

>> No,

>> No, >> of course he's old, but so are

>> of course he's old, but so are

>> of course he's old, but so are Republicans. Half of those fights he

Republicans. Half of those fights he

Republicans. Half of those fights he could win just by unplugging his

could win just by unplugging his

could win just by unplugging his opponent's oxygen tank.

opponent's oxygen tank.

opponent's oxygen tank. >> Guys, guys, come on. Don't become those

>> Guys, guys, come on. Don't become those

>> Guys, guys, come on. Don't become those dudes who get totally obsessed over

dudes who get totally obsessed over

dudes who get totally obsessed over hypothetical fights that will never

hypothetical fights that will never

hypothetical fights that will never happen.

happen.

happen. >> Desi's right. This is ridiculous. Until

>> Desi's right. This is ridiculous. Until

>> Desi's right. This is ridiculous. Until we establish ground rules. Are we

we establish ground rules. Are we

we establish ground rules. Are we talking gloves or bare knuckle? And are

talking gloves or bare knuckle? And are

talking gloves or bare knuckle? And are we abiding by Queensbury rules or Satie

we abiding by Queensbury rules or Satie

we abiding by Queensbury rules or Satie Hawkins rules where girls have to ask

Hawkins rules where girls have to ask

Hawkins rules where girls have to ask the boys to the fight?

the boys to the fight?

the boys to the fight? >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Also, will this fight

>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Also, will this fight

>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Also, will this fight be a catered event? You know, is there a

be a catered event? You know, is there a

be a catered event? You know, is there a coat check? What's the dress code? Black

coat check? What's the dress code? Black

coat check? What's the dress code? Black tie or something fun?

tie or something fun?

tie or something fun? >> What time of day is this all happening?

>> What time of day is this all happening?

>> What time of day is this all happening? The middle of the night when he's full

The middle of the night when he's full

The middle of the night when he's full of energy or the middle of the afternoon

of energy or the middle of the afternoon

of energy or the middle of the afternoon when he's fast asleep?

when he's fast asleep?

when he's fast asleep? >> Are Yeah. Yeah. Are we allowed? You

>> Are Yeah. Yeah. Are we allowed? You

>> Are Yeah. Yeah. Are we allowed? You know, will there be a referee? These are

know, will there be a referee? These are

know, will there be a referee? These are questions that need to be answered.

questions that need to be answered.

questions that need to be answered. Desi,

Desi,

Desi, >> I don't have the answers. There's no

>> I don't have the answers. There's no

>> I don't have the answers. There's no fight.

fight.

fight. >> YEAH, YOU'RE DAMNED RIGHT. IT'S NOT A

>> YEAH, YOU'RE DAMNED RIGHT. IT'S NOT A

>> YEAH, YOU'RE DAMNED RIGHT. IT'S NOT A FIGHT BECAUSE TRUMP WOULD WIN AGAINST

FIGHT BECAUSE TRUMP WOULD WIN AGAINST

FIGHT BECAUSE TRUMP WOULD WIN AGAINST ANY REPUBLICAN.

ANY REPUBLICAN.

ANY REPUBLICAN. >> HOW DO WE EVEN KNOW IT'S just one

>> HOW DO WE EVEN KNOW IT'S just one

>> HOW DO WE EVEN KNOW IT'S just one Republican? What if it's five?

Republican? What if it's five?

Republican? What if it's five? >> Well, you know, okay, he couldn't beat

>> Well, you know, okay, he couldn't beat

>> Well, you know, okay, he couldn't beat up five. Unless we're talking 1996

up five. Unless we're talking 1996

up five. Unless we're talking 1996 Donald Trump, in which case he could

Donald Trump, in which case he could

Donald Trump, in which case he could beat up five Republicans, two

beat up five Republicans, two

beat up five Republicans, two independents, and that kid from Jerry

independents, and that kid from Jerry

independents, and that kid from Jerry Maguire.

Maguire.

Maguire. >> Oh, you mean Jonathan Lipniki? SAY HIS

>> Oh, you mean Jonathan Lipniki? SAY HIS

>> Oh, you mean Jonathan Lipniki? SAY HIS NAME. SAY HIS NAME. I will not. You

NAME. SAY HIS NAME. I will not. You

NAME. SAY HIS NAME. I will not. You guys, I don't care if Trump could beat

guys, I don't care if Trump could beat

guys, I don't care if Trump could beat up Jonathan Li Nikki. He's an adult. He

up Jonathan Li Nikki. He's an adult. He

up Jonathan Li Nikki. He's an adult. He He could probably beat up any child.

He could probably beat up any child.

He could probably beat up any child. >> Well, you know, it depends on the child.

>> Well, you know, it depends on the child.

>> Well, you know, it depends on the child. I mean, my nephew's eight and he's

I mean, my nephew's eight and he's

I mean, my nephew's eight and he's really beefy and he has to wear one of

really beefy and he has to wear one of

really beefy and he has to wear one of those seat belt extenders, but it's not

those seat belt extenders, but it's not

those seat belt extenders, but it's not because he's fat. He's just abnormally

because he's fat. He's just abnormally

because he's fat. He's just abnormally thick.

thick.

thick. >> Oh, Trump could so beat up your thick

>> Oh, Trump could so beat up your thick

>> Oh, Trump could so beat up your thick nephew and yank his juice box away and

nephew and yank his juice box away and

nephew and yank his juice box away and smash IT ON HIS THICK HEAD.

smash IT ON HIS THICK HEAD.

smash IT ON HIS THICK HEAD. >> WELL, JOKES'S ON YOU, CLEER. He doesn't

>> WELL, JOKES'S ON YOU, CLEER. He doesn't

>> WELL, JOKES'S ON YOU, CLEER. He doesn't drink juice. He has type 2 diabetes.

drink juice. He has type 2 diabetes.

drink juice. He has type 2 diabetes. Desi. Desi. If I could interject here.

Desi. Desi. If I could interject here.

Desi. Desi. If I could interject here. >> Oh, Michael Costa.

>> Look, look, if I can get back to your

>> Look, look, if I can get back to your

>> Look, look, if I can get back to your original question, Desi, this poll shows

original question, Desi, this poll shows

original question, Desi, this poll shows that Donald Trump's supporters are too

that Donald Trump's supporters are too

that Donald Trump's supporters are too psychologically committed to him.

psychologically committed to him.

psychologically committed to him. Ironically, the only way to fracture

Ironically, the only way to fracture

Ironically, the only way to fracture their devotion to Trump is to find an

their devotion to Trump is to find an

their devotion to Trump is to find an even more radical so-called savior. As

even more radical so-called savior. As

even more radical so-called savior. As such, Trumpian dynamics may get worse

such, Trumpian dynamics may get worse

such, Trumpian dynamics may get worse before they get better.

>> What the happened to you?

>> What the happened to you?

>> What the happened to you? >> No.

>> No.

>> No. Nothing happened to me. I'm fine. You

Nothing happened to me. I'm fine. You

Nothing happened to me. I'm fine. You look like you got the [\h__\h] kicked out of

look like you got the [\h__\h] kicked out of

look like you got the [\h__\h] kicked out of you.

you.

you. >> Did Donald Trump beat you up?

>> Did Donald Trump beat you up?

>> Did Donald Trump beat you up? >> No.

>> No.

>> No. >> No, Donald Trump didn't beat me up.

>> No, Donald Trump didn't beat me up.

>> No, Donald Trump didn't beat me up. Troy's nephew did. That boy. Oh my god.

Troy's nephew did. That boy. Oh my god.

Troy's nephew did. That boy. Oh my god. Michael, Jordan, AND TROY WANA.