Original subtitles

(Mary) Why am I up?

I just wanted to see how your night was-

Downloaded from YTS.BZ

-what’d you do tonight?

(Pete) I went to Meg and Larry's.

(Mary) That's right, that's right-

-Meg and Larry’s. (Pete) What's going on?

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ

(Mary) What what what?

(Mary) Nothing’s going on, I-

-I just want to see how your night was!

(Pete) You’re just up waiting-

-to see how Meg and Larry were?

(Mary) Yeah, how’s her leg doing?

(Pete) Okay. (Mary) Really?

(Mary) Because it wasn’t fine a week ago.

(Pete) I know, it’s a week later.

(Pete) I think- something is going on,

-and it would be better if you just told me.

(Mary) Nothing’s going on with you?

(Pete) No.

(Pete) How about we calm down?

(Mary) I am calm-

-don't tell me to be calm, don’t tell me-

-to calm down, you know I hate that.

(Mary) Okay, I am calm. Okay? So tell me, how is-

[Unintelligible]

(Pete) -what is going on?!

[Unintelligible]

(Mary) Why don’t you tell me the fucking truth?

(Pete) Why are you angry?

(Mary) I am not angry, Stop saying that I am angry!

(Pete) What am I lying about?!

(Mary) I’m gonna call Meg, I’m gonna call Meg and we’re gonna

(Mary) Don’t fucking t- don’t fucking touch me.

(Pete) [unintelligible] -crazy person

(Pete) What are you accusing me of?!

(Mary) How fucking stupid-

(Mary) -do you think I am!?

Tell me you’re not fucking around!

She is slotted in-

-every Thursday like a trip to the-

-fucking dry cleaners!

Oh, stop, stop stop-

(Pete) Why is he awake? (Mary) My baby-

(Mary) Piece of shit.

Fuck off...

You're really good.

And you're always going to be really goo-

[Masturbation noises]

[KNOCK]

(Mary) John? Everything okay in there?

Yeah.

Well, you're taking a long time.

It's been a while.

Yeah, I know, sorry, I'm just-

I'm just scrubbing. I'm just-

I have to be clean for orientation.

(Mary) I don't see your phone in your bedroom.

You aren’t- you aren't looking at-

-anything, bad, in there, right?

No... nope, it's a game walkthrough.

It's fine.

(Mary) Okay, okay.

(Mary) I believe you.

(Mary) You know what, I'm just going to stay here-

-until you’re finished, just to be sure.

I'd prefer if I had a little bit of privacy.

I know you want privacy, honey, but boys your age-

(John) Mom, you know me, I’m being good-

-I’m not doing anything wrong.

(Mary) No no no, you want to sin-

-do it at your father's house-

-okay? From now on-

-phones stay outside the bathroom.

Just so you know what's here for breakfast-

-we have almond butter, multigrain toast-

-bananas, oranges, apples, pears-

Is it true we have to pray before every class?

(Mary) And the Angelus at midday.

There’s hard boiled eggs, sliced prosciutto-

-turkey chili, lemonade, chocolate skim milk-

(John) I heard if a guy’s hair touches his collar-

-they make you get-

-a buzz cut in the men’s bathroom?

(Mary) Your hair's pretty short, so...

White dress shirt-

-nice and ironed, khaki slacks-

-tie is done, all you need to do is loosen it-

-here's your belt, penny loafers are at the door.

Is it true they hit us with rulers when we mess up?

Oh, they stopped doing that years ago.

You have your planner, notebooks-

-multicolored folders, pencil case-

-six sharpened number two pencils-

-a pen with blue ink-

-a pen with black ink, a sharpie-

(John) Thanks, Mom.

You're excited, right?

Yeah, yeah. Of course.

Your first day of high school...

Ugh! I still remember the-

-doctor putting you in my arms.

You had these-

-these little bumps right here, and right here.

I love you.

I love you extra.

[Student Chatter]

(John) Hi, uh...

Excuse me- do you want to sit?

Erm, no it’s cool.

I kinda like standing.

(Whispering Student) Teacher!

(Mrs. Groff) Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.

My name is Mrs. Groff.

It is my sincere wish-

-that none of you get to know me-

-during your four years at St. Dymphna’s.

Save nap time for the ride home.

Fill in your name.

Give this to Mr. De Luca, after school, room 232.

I'm sorry, I have to take a lot of buses-

-buses to get here in the morning...

Go to bed earlier. It’ll be worth it!

If you choose to wear a colored bra-

-don't whine to me when your-

-chest gets pinched in the hallway.

[Connor giggles]

Your fly is undone-

-and your shirt is sopping wet.

You all lack polish!

But, don't lose hope.

Dymphna’s is where you come to meet God.

Dymphna’s is where you go, to become yourself.

Dymphna’s is my alma mater!

In fact, this is the very room-

-where I met my husband.

Do you know how I met him?

[Garry stammers]

He offered me his seat.

Oh, okay...

Oh! Oh.

Young men, can you take a hint?

Uh, hey, can you please sit?

No, I told you, I like standing.

Have you wet yourself-

-or do you have some excitement-

-you're trying to hide?

No no no no, I, I, I tried-

-to give her my seat, but she likes standing.

I uhm, I kept asking him nicely-

-but all he did was yank my pigtails.

Wh-what? No, no- that's not-

-that's not what happened!

(Lilith) [Feigning Distress] Yeah it is.

(Garry Snoring)

Garry?

Garry?!

What are you in for?

I was the only guy who didn't stand in the music room.

Damn. Did you have a boner or something?

No- I don't- no, man. I...

...a girl tricked me.

Mmm... that’s pretty hot.

[Whispering] Hey... they uh, they caught me-

-watching cake fart videos.

What? (Angelo) Yeah, yeah.

This naked girl, she sits her ass on a cake-

-and just farts on it.

She doesn’t shit or anything. Just farts.

(John) Oh...

(Angelo) I can send it to you. You can see-

-you can pick your favorite-

-we can talk about it.

Maybe some other time.

I mean, it, yeah, it sounds pretty hot-

-but like, not, that's like an after-

that's like, an end of the week-

-type video I feel, you know?

[Bus Engine] [Student Chatter]

[Transcendent Score Creeps In]

[Bus Sounds Fade Away]

[Wind Blowing Through Leaves]

(Mary) Did you sign up for Eucharistic Ministry?

Oh. Uhh, no.

I'm sorry, it must have slipped my mind.

Okay.

How about this?

We uh- we take away your games for tonight-

-and uhhh, just- every night until you sign up.

What, no, Mom, I-

I'll remember to do it tomorrow-

(Mary) No no, I insist. Too many games are bad-

-for the developing mind.

[Hallway Chatter]

(Lilith) My Dad’s such a piece of shit.

(Bridget) What happened?

He’s like, down in Miami partying-

-while my mom gets-

-stuck at home raising four kids.

(Bridget) Oh, my God, I can't even imagine that.

Are your parents divorced?

Yeah.

Mine too.

(Bridget) All right, I’ll see you...

When did your Dad leave?

When did your Dad leave?

Uh, like, four years ago, I think.

Uh, yeah... mine left around that time as well.

I’m sorry. Are you doing okay?

I never want to see him again, so, yeah.

Could I borrow a pencil?

Oh, uh, yeah, sure.

[Hallway Chatter Briefly Fades]

Thanks.

I'm John.

Lilith.

(Angelo) Where would you guys cum, ass or tits?

(Connor) Uhh, yeah, I’d say shoulders.

(Angelo) [Whispering] John, look under the table.

I don’t really want to look under the table, guys, I-

(Angelo) Just look! (John) What’s under the...

[Female porn star moaning]

(John) Ugh, god, what the fuck?

(Angelo) Where would you cum?

(John) What? (Angelo) Where would you cum?

I mean, outside, I guess.

Outside? What? What do you mean? How are you-

Why are you bringing her outside?

(Angelo) How many times a day do you jerk off?

I mean, I don't have an approximate number.

I mean, I don't really get a lot of opportunities.

I wish I could, but, you know-

-my Mom’s always trying to-

-stop me when I'm at her house.

What do mean your Mom tries to stop you?

What, does she-

-grab your dick, and do it herself?

(Connor) Haha, yeah does your Mom grab your dick?

Connor, I just said that. You just heard me say that.

You gotta... you gotta come up something else, man.

She just knows somehow that I'm-

-you know, jerking it.

(Garry) Gaaaaay. I’m sorry, I’m sorry-

(Angelo) Let’s go back to watching this video...

[Cafeteria Chatter Fades]

[Transcendent Music Returns]

(Brother Phil) You here for E.M. sign-ups?

Oh, uh, uh, yeah, hi- I’m um, I’m John.

Bless you. Father.

I’m a brother, actually, but it's nice to meet you, John.

I'm Phil.

So, you want to be a Eucharistic minister?

Yeah, well, my Mom wanted...

I- I guess...

I, I think I want to have my own thing, with God.

Yeah, there's nothing wrong with-

wanting to be close on your own terms, but...

-how can you act as a, a bridge...

...between Christ and His church-

-if you don't have your own relationship with Him?

Well, I...

I don't know.

I've sort of had this feeling-

-ever since I was a kid, that, someone was with me-

-like, every second of the day.

And, it felt good to know-

I had someone there seeing-

-all the beautiful stuff...

...and all the ugly stuff too.

Do you think that's God?

Meet me here, after school, on Friday-

-if you want to start your training.

(Brother Phil) Yeah? (John) Yeah.

[Barely Audible Mary Praying Nearby]

(Mary) -now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed art thou amongst women, and-

-blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners-

-now and at the hour of our death, Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed art thou amongst women-

-and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

(Lilith) You look nervous.

Uh, yeah, a little bit.

Uh, h- hey, listen... would, uhm-

-would you ever wanna be boyfriend?

Be, be uh- have uh- have a boyfriend?

What?

Ugh- God I’m sorry, I-

-uh, do you want to go out on a date?

Uh well, I mean, I've already been asked out by-

-like, 11 guys today, so, I'll consider your offer.

Wow, yeah. 11, okay. But...

I think... you know-

-I like that your parents are divorced.

(Lilith) What? (John) No, sorry, sorry-

-I mean, like, I can relate, and I-

-I don't know, I wanted to get to know you better.

All my friends talk about is, like-

-jerking off, so.

Oh-ho... but you're like, a mature guy.

Uhh... [deep voice] yeah.

Well, I don't want to date anyone-

-who believes in God-

-or the tooth fairy or Santa, so-

(John) I only believe in one of those, though-

-and that's just cuz’ I keep finding-

-money under my pillow.

Well, you’re no Abercrombie and Fitch model, but...

(John) But...?

(Lilith) I need you to say something.

Yeah, sure. Anything. I'll say anything.

Say fuck Jesus for me.

[Hallway Chatter Fades] [Percussive Score]

Yeah. Okay. Sure.

Yeah, FUCK Jesus.

Fffff-

[Clears throat] Sorry...

Ffffff-ull of love, love for all, you know.

Okay. No, it has to be like, fuck you, Jesus.

Yeah, sure, right.

[Female Students Giggling]

Fuck, Jesus!

(Lilith) No, that’s like you ran into Jesus at the park.

Fuck, [coughs] Jesus.

No. One statement. Go.

Jesus fuck.

(Lilith) In order! (John) [mumbles]

(Lilith) Okay dude I need to be able to hear it.

(John) [mumbles louder]

(Lilith) Just fucking say it!

(John) [growls] Fuck Jesus, okay? Fuck Jesus!

[Hallway chatter returns]

(Lilith) Good.

We can hang out Friday, uh, after school?

Sounds, like a plan. (Lilith) Yeah, see ya.

(Mary) And who is this?

-nothing, no one in particular, you know?

[Sly gloating] Ohhh no one, nothing-

Do you have a little crush?

You gonna put her next to your algebra teacher?

Oh, no, Mom, Miss Quail was years ago.

I don’t even have her Mii anymore.

Yeah, you know, I don't- I don't have a crush, okay?

I have- I have a girlfriend. (Mary) Oh.

Okay. Oh. Uhh...

She a good girl? She Catholic?

(John) Yeah, she goes to, she goes to Dymphna’s, yeah.

Beautiful, uhm... so you have a date?

Maybe.

Mmm! Okay- alright, uhm...

What uh, what are you going to wear?

I have this pretty cool-

-Walking Dead t-shirt. Like, we can iron that.

Oh, baby, baby, I think maybe a nice button up-

-you roll up the sleeves, a little bow tie, ugh!

So cute- okay, I’ll go to Marshalls tomorrow.

Oh. Uh... okay...

...let's have a little talk.

Okay?

Wait a month before hugging... and then, just...

...don't, you know, don’t-

-don't hug too tightly because it could encourage your...

...your baser instincts.

Mom, I don't think we're that close yet.

Good. Well, I hope she passes the Mom test.

(John) The Mom test?

If you look happy next to her, she passes.

Ooh! First date! (School Bell Ringing)

(Female Student) Excuse me?

(John) Angelo! (Angelo) Jesus!

(Angelo) What are you, trying to fuck me?

(John) You wish. What’s up?

Well, I just shit the bed on my first English quiz, so...

...there’s that. (John) That sucks, man. I'm sorry.

(John) Hey, listen, could you do me a quick favor?

Could you run to the chapel-

-and tell Brother Phil I can't make-

-E.M. training? Tell him my Grandpa has cancer.

You can pick the organ.

I don't know, man.

I don't really feel comfortable-

-talking to priests.

I always feel like they're trying to-

-suck my dick or something.

Well, he's a brother, so.

Oh, sorry, so he’s gonna fuck me in the ass instead?

Dude, help me out. I have a date.

You have a mom, right?

Yeah. We all have moms.

Yeah, but yours is like...

Send me a picture of her.

Ughh no way dude!

I don’t want you jerking off to my Mom!

You’re a sick little fuck, you know that?

I just wanna see what she looks like.

Look, my bus leaves in three minutes, so-

-just send me a little pic of Mrs. Santucci.

No- listen, you guys can come over-

-to my house this weekend-

-alright? You can meet her.

She’s a kind, respectable woman.

[Student Chatter Fades]

We're going to get pizza.

White pie.

I get my own white pie.

Deal.

You got a Wii?

I got a Wii.

(Pete) Paul, Paul! Hey- listen, I- I hear you.

Yes, I’m listening, buddy, yeah.

What I need you to do is-

-I need you to calm down, okay?

And what you need to do is-

-listen to me, alright, buddy?

Alright? Alr- hey! Ears on. Ears on.

Okay? If- let's say- let's talk logic.

Logic! It’s very simple.

If you double your rate of failure-

-you triple your rate of success.

If we sell tile to ten people-

-and they tell ten of their friends-

-and they tell ten...

(John) Hey, Dad, guess what?

Hey, buddy, what's up?

I have a girlfriend!

Hey! Same here. High five.

Oh, yeah. Awesome. Good, good for you, uh...

What about...

...what about rook to E2?

I mean, you could sack it and then-

(Pete) -fork the king with the rook.

Not bad.

Listen, I uh, I have a date tonight-

-and I need a ride.

You need money for a taxi?

The change jar could use emptying.

Oh, shit. I should have seen that.

Dad, I was thinking maybe you could drive me?

She's also a child of divorce and-

-her Mom wants to meet me.

I thought it would be cool if you two like, got-

(Pete) Listen-

I have had... a day.

I can't even tell you.

I just got home, I got my feet up...

I really...

I just need to... relax.

Yeah, yeah.

Sorry, my Dad's trying to get rid of his change.

Thank you. Have a- stay safe.

Hi, I'm John- no, wait...

I’ve heard so much- no, fuck...

Hi. I'm John. Great to...

[Doorbell]

You can go. It’s fine, go, I’m here...

(Bruce) Hello. (John) Uh, hi.

You must be Rachel's special friend.

Yeah. I'm John. Great to-

-great to meet you.

Is that your Dad back there?

Can I say hello to him? (John) No no no, I-

-I don't know who that guy is.

Uh, my dad just got here. He drove-

-he just left. He drove me. He's very...

-he wanted to make sure I got here safe and sound.

He's very invested in... getting me...

He's very invested in me, you know, just in general-

You can come in.

Rachel! He’s here.

(Lilith) Hey. (John) Hey.

You look, uh...

(Bruce) Where'd you get that?

Uh, I don't know, Hollister?

That’s a... tight fit.

Okay?

Why don't you put on something-

-that tells me you respect yourself?

(Lilith) Dad... (Bruce) I mean-

-don’t you agree?

I, I- I- first of all, I think I have, a lot of...

...respect, for your daughter.

I'm talking about the tank top.

I, I like the fabric, I mean...

[Squeaky chair]

We have something in common, John.

You know what that is?

Are you a, Mets fan? You know-

-David Wright's been having-

-a hell of a season, you know?

I'm actually a Yankees fan.

Yeah. You know, I- I love-

-the Yankees, too, I mean...

Right...

But, there is something specific that we both share.

Yeah, we're both Catholic. Yeah.

Yes, yes...

...but there is a particular person-

-in our lives that we both care about.

Right, that’s Jesus.

No, John...

It's Rachel.

Yeah, Rachel! That makes sense.

I mean, I was- I was just thinking of Him.

I would like to know-

-what your intentions are with my daughter.

Well, I guess I'm drawn to Lil- Rachel-

-because she said her parents were divorced.

Wait wh- what did she tell you?

(Clara) So good to meet you. (John) So good as well.

So good.

And what a lovely, uh...

...intact, family unit.

(Bruce) Rachel, would you like to lead us in prayer?

I'd love it if John could lead us, actually.

Well, thank you, Rachel, and-

-thank you, God, for... honesty.

Thank you for all of your holy children who-

-represent themselves accurately. Amen.

Actually, I'd like to add something.

Lord, thank you for those who are adaptable.

Thank you for our brothers-

-sisters who know how to-

-go with the flow and not take-

-every little thing so seriously.

(Lilith) Amen.

(John) That was beautiful, Rachel, and I might add-

Thank you God, for the-

-responsible souls among us.

Thank you for those who take ownership-

-over their sins-

-say, lying, for example- ow.

(Lilith) Great God of all things-

Thank you so much for your children-

-who know how to appreciate-

-an active imagination.

Holy Spirit, thank you for the blessed few-

-that would never-

-dress up a vice and call it a virtue.

(Lilith) God, thank you for-

-those who know when to shut up and eat.

(John) Thank you Lord Jesus-

-for those who don't have an appetite-

-because they feel hurt-

-when they've been lied to.

(Bruce) I'd like to add something.

Thank you Lord for all of your children-

-who go to Eucharistic adoration-

-as penance for making a scene at dinner.

Are you serious? My first date at adoration?!

I wanted to hang out-

-or go for a walk, or like literally anything else.

You’re 15 years old, Rachel. I’ll decide-

-where you can and can't go-

-with your special friend.

He's my boyfriend.

Mom, can we just hang out?

HEY!

Do not wedge yourself-

-between your mother and father.

(John) Oh, nice- nice one.

(Lilith) Yeah... you weren’t much help back there.

(John) Sorry, I didn't know-

-you were going to have a Dad.

(Lilith) Yeah, well, I wish I didn't, so.

(John) So you just lied about it?

(Lilith) It’s not a lie if it makes you feel better.

Wow, okay... well-

-I'm glad you're feeling better.

And just so you know, I'm six-foot-four-

Okay. Can you stop?!

(John) It’s not a lie if it makes you feel better.

I didn't know what to tell you, okay?

Because like, I don't like him at all-

-I don't even like my name-

-I didn't want to go to this-

-fucking school he makes me go to-

I don't know what you want me to do-

-okay?!

Could you maybe talk to your Mom about it?

My Mom's like...

...that picture of a face with no mouth, so.

Wow. Our Moms are really different.

(Lilith) Is yours super controlling?

Oh, no no no no, she's- she's like-

-she just likes to look out for me, is all.

Was that her?

Wh- no no no no, I dress myself, so.

Well, it looks a little dumb. Just FYI.

Oh, sorry, let me just-

Well, I mean, you wore it, so.

Actually, I can fix it.

Yeah.

(John) Where- where are we going?

(Lilith) Just- come on. You’ll see.

(John) Okay.

(John) So uh, do you come here often, or?

(Lilith) Uh... yeah.

Like, alone or with your- with your family, or?

Well, I mean, like, yeah, my Dad makes me come here-

-but, I don’t know, I found-

-this spot that I kind of like.

(John) You come here alone?

Yeah, always.

I- I usually come with my Mom-

-if she's not busy, you know.

Well, yeah. That makes sense.

(John) Yeah.

(Lilith) Yeah, they usually just drop me off.

(John) That’s, I’m sorry to hear-

-that sounds lonely.

It's okay.

(John) Garry. (Connor) Garry. Garry.

(Everyone) Garry. Garry! Garry! Garry!

(John) Garry! Wake up!

(Connor) Garry, please wake up.

(Connor) Wake up, you’re going to kill us.

(Garry) [drowsy] What game is this?

(John) Mario.

(Mary) [Italian accent] Did somebody order a pizza?

(Angelo) Thank you so very much, Mrs. Santucci.

(Mary) Oh please, call me Miss Romano.

(Connor) Of course, yeah yeah yeah.

(Mary) Okay boys, have fun!

(John) Thanks, Mom.

(John) Don’t say it- (Boys) Dude, she’s SO hot!

(Angelo) I'm taking a photo with her before I leave.

Dude, I'll fucking kill you, okay?

(Garry) Number one MILF, on the list, for sure...

Ahh. Don't touch that pie. That’s my pie.

Oh, how did the date go?

She touch your penis? Mouth?

Hands? Over the jeans?

No. Well, I think it went- yeah, it was great, actually.

We, we went to adoration, and held hands-

-and talked and... held hands.

[Laughter]

(Angelo) What did you skip through the-

-fucking meadow together?

(Garry) What, you just fucking held her hand?

Yeah. Is there a problem?

(Connor) Dude, she thinks you're gay.

(Angelo) Definitely.

(Angelo) I mean, you can't even know if-

-she likes you unless you make out with her.

(Angelo) Like you probably gotta feel downstairs-

-see if she's wet, too.

Like, you have no idea. (Connor) And if she’s shaved?

Fuck. Yeah, definitely.

If she hasn't shaved-

-she wasn't looking forward to anything.

Okay, how do you guys know all this?

(Angelo) Because we're fucking experts, all right?

We've done our research.

Okay, well, how many-

-how many girls have you guys dated?

(Angelo) Well, zero, but-

-I watch a lot of porn, alright?

I know what I'm talking about.

(Student Announcer) Class of 2012-

-this is your last chance-

-to submit to Project Appreciation-

-to receive the Early Bird discount.

(Student Announcer 2) Please hurry home-

-and tell your parents.

This is so much more than a trip to Israel.

(John) [whispering] Hi. (Lilith) [whispering] Hey.

(John) How- how are you doing?

Fine, how are you?

Pretty good... overall, you know.

(John) I had a lot of fun, the other day.

(John) Did you want to-

-hang out again at some point?

Yeah, you wanna go-

-watch people bowl with me?

Go bowling?

(Lilith) No. I like watching the bowlers.

It's fun. And then, you don't-

-have to pay or anything-

-and they actually can't kick you out.

I've done it before.

Yeah, it sounds, it sounds lovely.

You know, I'm cool with whatever-

-as long as it’s with you.

Yeah.

[Romantic Music]

(Student Announcer 2) And, will John Santucci-

-please see Brother Phil in his office.

John! Sit down.

So sorry about Friday- my Grandpa, he-

Oh, no, I, I heard.

How's everything at home? Are you all right?

Oh, no no. I'm good, Mom’s good.

It's just like, you know-

-a whole, a total tragedy, you know-

-just, cancer of the, of the, the-

(Brother Phil) the liver? (John) The liver. Yeah.

Yeah. It’s tough, it's really, it's really tough.

But... is there any way-

-I can make up for my training?

(Brother Phil) John... (John) Yeah.

Is this what you want to do?

(John) Yeah.

(Brother Phil) Don't say the-

-first thing that pops in your head.

(Brother Phil) Think about it. (John) Well, I’m sure-

(Borther Phil) No, no, no, no. Don't talk.

Just sit and think.

(John) Sure. (Brother Phil) No, John.

(Brother Phil) Just... breathe with me.

Do you think when Satan fell from Heaven...

...his friends saw him falling?

Or his Mom? Did he have a Mom?

If I held a gun to your head-

-and told you to say you love me-

-and you did, does that constitute love in your mind?

Probably not.

Right. Love can't come from a place of fear.

The Eucharist... it’s not about-

-being who somebody wants you to be.

It's about being like Christ.

Can I serve at the next monthly mass?

If you keep working on your relationship with God.

No distractions.

Okay. Thank you, Bro Phil.

Oh. Uh, sorry, am I early?

No, no. Come in, we were just wrapping it up.

And John... no distract-

[Booming Score]

(John) [whispering] Hey.

(Lilith) [whispering] What?

(John) Can I kiss you?

(Lilith) Uhm... okay...

(Lilith) But!

(Lilith) This is holy water, from Lordes.

(John) Wow, doesn’t that, like, cure cancer?

See that dog over there?

[Tense Music]

(Friend) Hi?

Hi, excuse me, can I-

I'm sorry, I, I mean-

-I, I saw you from over there-

-and I- your dog from over there-

-and I thought it looked cute.

Can I pet him, or her?

(Maggie) Guys, does he look weird?

He's like... McLovin adjacent.

Yeah, you can pet her.

Okay, cool, yeah.

You know, I love the McRib, too, uhm...

So uh, how- how did the game go?

(Maggie) Let's just say-

-the dog did better than us.

Oh, that’s- sorry to hear.

Like, is it, like, classically trained?

(Maggie) Well, she is a professional doggo.

(John) O-okay... so uh...

...have you guys been here for a while?

A couple hours, yeah. (John) How long have you-

-how long have you had him or, her?

(Maggie) Chloe, I've had her about five years.

(Friend) Excuse me. What is that?

(John) What is what?

(Friend) What is that that you're putting in the bowl?

(Maggie) What's going on?

(Friend) He’s putting something into Chloe’s bowl.

(John) No- no no it’s holy water!

It’s holy, it’s holy water from Lordes.

(John) It's fine. (Friend) Can you leave?

(Owner) What's going on here?

(Maggie) This person is trying to poison my damn dog.

(John) No no, no, you can drink it, see! It's-

[Choking]

Sorry.

(Lilith Giggling)

(Lilith) That was fun.

For you, I bet.

For you too!

Can I kiss you?

Take off your sweatshirt.

Okay.

Come under!

Oh, okay.

Let's pretend...

...we're in a cave, at the bottom of the ocean.

Serene.

Wow.

I think I love you.

You’re silly...

Sorry. Was- was the- was the kiss not good, or?

No, it was acceptable.

Acceptable? Like, you know-

-compared to all the other guys you’ve kissed?

Well I haven- well, I’ve... uhm, I don't know-

-I mean, I've made out with, like-

-20 or... 40, guys, so... (John) Uh-huh.

Well, you're the first girl I've kissed, so...

Well, maybe you just need more practice.

I'm gonna need you guys to get off my property.

Right, yeah, o-okay, yeah.

Do you think I'm gay?

(Lilith) What? No. (John) Okay, okay. Cool.

Do you kiss other guys like this?

(Lilith) What does that mean? (John) No, like, am I-

-am I doing better?

Has a guy ever touched you, like, down there?

Do you not like kissing me or something?

Yeah, no, I do, I, I do like kissing you, I’m sorry.

I’m being dumb, I'm being stupid.

I'm sorry. I just, like...

I don’t know, I thought if we did-

-something you’ve never done before-

-then that's how I'd know you like me.

I just want to kiss-

-and you’re talking about other guys.

No, no, no, I just, I just want to kiss, too.

I j- I'm, look, I, I do like you, okay?

I, I, I mean, I told you I loved you, so...

(Lilith) Those are just words.

Okay, well, how can I-

-show you that I love you?

What if you, like, got a Bible, and like...

...lit it on fire?

Jesus, wh- what?

(Lilith) I mean, there's a lot of Bibles in the world.

Like, literally every hotel room.

(John) It just seems like a waste of paper...

[Phone buzzing]

What? Who’s calling you?

(Mary) Hey, baby!

(Mary) John? Where are you?

You must be John's little friend.

Yeah. I'm Lilith, John's girlfriend.

(Lilith) It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Santucci.

Oh, I prefer Mrs. Romano, if you don't mind.

What are you two doing behind the shed?

We were- we were just-

-taking pictures. It’s a nice background.

You know, I- I've-

-heard such nice things about you.

(Mary) And I've heard so little about you.

Tell me, Lily, how are you doing in school?

Uh, very well, so far. All A's in English, algebra-

-earth science, scriptures, church history-

Well well well, look at you.

There must be some class you’re doing poorly in.

(John) Mom, Mom-

(Lilith) Oh, no, I'm pretty much good at everything.

And what about your faith, do you attend mass?

Every Sunday.

And what about your faith, Mrs. Santucci?

Have you gotten an annulment-

-to absolve the sin of your divorce yet?

[Pained chuckle]

Does she not pass the Mom test?

(Mary) Do you look happy?

I really like her.

Is that your heart, or something else?

Wh- what?

(Mary) When you are sucking face behind a shed-

-is that your heart or something in your pants?

M-Mom seriously? (Mary) No, you want to be an adult?

Let's talk like adults.

Why do you like her so much?

(John) I- I don’t know, she’s always-

She's really clever. And she always-

-knows when she doesn’t like something.

And like, I don't, I don’t feel like-

-lonely, when I’m with her.

Great metric. Toss away all your hopes for a partner-

- and marry so you can feel less-

-lonely, just- that’s...

works every time.

(John) Okay, Mom.

[Quiet Score]

Hey, can you help settle a debate?

(Mary) What do you mean?

My friends and I were arguing about-

-whether the English Standard-

-or the New Living Translation-

-is the least holy Bible.

Pff, you’re arguing least holy-

-and no one brought up the King James Version?

[Convection Oven DING]

[Gunshots and Zombie Groans from TV]

(Connor) Pizza Boys are ready.

(Angelo) Oh shit, Garry, get the Pizza Boys... Garry!

Angelo, is this your Bible? (Angelo) Huh?

(John) Is this your Bible?

(Angelo) Uh, yeah. Yeah, that's my dad’s.

(Angelo) Hey, can you get the Pizza Boys?

(John) Yeah, yeah.

You know, this is, like, the-

-least Holy Bible there is.

It’s like negative holy. (Angelo) Yeah-

Can you please get the Pizza Boys?

Look at Garry, he’s fuckin’ losing weight-

-I’m worried about him.

(John) Yeah- I’m just, I don't know-

-this Bible is like-

I'm not... I’m really not vibing with it.

Like, could I bring this to-

-a priest real quick just so I can-

-exorcise any demons-

-that could be lurking inside of it?

Yes, sure, sure. Just, get the Pizza Boys, and uh...

...that uh, that friend of your girlfriend’s, just-

give me an invitation to her Sweet 15.

Bridget?

Yeah. Yeah, whatever her name is-

-I don’t remember.

You got a little crush?

No, I don't have a crush, I just want to- fuck off!

(John) Why do you want to see her?

I mean, you don't know her name-

-but you want to see her.

(Angelo) The pizza! (John) Yeah, okay.

[Tense Music]

[Music swells]

(Lilith) Let’s do it now.

(John) Like- like, now, now? Right now?

(Lilith) Yeah. It would be so bad. Let’s do it.

(John) I mean, okay, if you want...

Oh. You’re... pretty wet down there.

(Lilith) Well, yeah, we’ve-

-been making out for a half hour.

Yeah, but I'm also kind of feeling-

-you’re kind of hairy-

-down there too.

Does that mean you only half like me?

(Lilith) What- am I supposed to be shaved?

(John) No no no no no no.

I just, you know, I have it on good information-

-that if you're shaved-

-then that means you're really excited.

(Lilith) Oh, are you shaved?

(John) Well, no, but I can be-

-my Mom has a razor at home-

(Lilith) Okay, just- stop.

Can you just finger me and we both keep our pubes?

(John) Yeah, okay.

(John) Uhm sorry, how am I-

(Lilith) No, I think you have to like, move, your finger.

(John) Oh, oh, okay, how- here?

(Lilith) No, that’s my thigh.

(John) Oh, uhm...

(Lilith) Oh yeah... that one’s good, just like-

[Cheesy Meditation Music]

(Affirmation Voice) Welcome to affirmations for abundance.

Before we begin, take in a deep centering breath...

...in through your nose...

...and out through your mouth.

(John) Hey, Dad. (Pete) Come in.

(Afifrmation Voice) I am inviting infinite wealth-

(Pete) I am inviting infinite wealth into my life.

You want to meditate?

I'm okay. Thanks.

(Pete) I use money to improve the lives of others.

Actually, can I talk to you for a second?

[Meditation Music Stops]

You okay?

(John) Yeah. Of course, Dad, I'm just...

...are you all right?

Um, yeah.

Do you know when the last time-

-you went to confession was?

Ahh, John...

Well...

...it's been a while. (John) Hmm.

See this?

This is your soul.

And every time you, uh, get a divorce, or whatever...

You do that.

And that's not going to fly-

-when you get judged after you die.

And I want to hang out with you in Heaven.

So could you just go to confession?

John...

I really want to hang out with you, too.

Listen...

Everybody has to find their peace thing in this world.

You know? And this...

This is my peace thing.

(Pete) Why don’t you try it with me?

(John) Yeah, but that's just-

No.

(Pete) Why don’t you try- (John) Because it's pagan.

God, just like Harry Potter and The Golden Compass?

You're not going to get anything out of this.

It's just people saying words.

That’s exactly how I feel about your mother's religion.

It's not Mom's religion, it's THE religion. It’s God.

And I'm trying to help you so you don't get-

-butt fucked by pedophiles in Hell for eternity.

Yeah, well, I hope they have lube down there.

(Pete) You mind turning on my pagan radio?

(Pete) Seriously?!

(Lilith V.O.) Say hi to your finger for me.

(John V.O.) Did you like it?

Was it the best ever?

What are we doing next weekend? Winky face.

P.S., can Bridget give a Sweet 15 invite to Angelo?

(Lilith) Hey!

[Clock ticking]

(Lilith V.O.) How about this?

You steal a Eucharist from the sacristy-

-take a shit on it-

-and we can maybe go to third base.

Winky face with eyelashes.

P.S., Bridget, says sure.

(John) That seems a little too evil, right?

Like, poop is really disgusting.

I mean, sure, if you like poop that much.

Didn't know you were that kinky-

-winky face, poop emoji.

(Mr. De Luca) Climate change!

Is there really climate change going on?

Or is this just-

-the way things are supposed to be?

I'd like you to be skeptical about that.

(Lilith V.O.) Okay, fine.

How about you just pee on it instead?

[Church Organ Song]

(John) Body of Christ.

(Student) Amen.

Body of Christ.

Amen.

Body of Christ.

Amen.

Body of...

...Christ?

Chr- yeah, Bo- sorry, Body of Christ.

Just- B- Body of Christ, Body of Christ

Amen.

(John) Body of Christ...

Body of Christ-

Christ of Body-

Body, Body, oh, you get two-

Christ, Christ-

Body of...

(Lilith) Hey! Psst.

Hey... I'll, I'll do the pee thing.

Feed it to her.

What?

Piss on it...

...and feed it to her.

(John) Body of Christ.

Amen.

(Teacher) Okay, girls, take all-

-your things and come with me.

Yup. They're gonna talk to us about fucking.

(John) For real? (Angelo) Yeah, man.

Girls and guys separated, boy teacher with the guys?

We’re gonna get some penis-in-vagina talk!

Wow, that’s cool- not that, you know, I’ll be needing-

-any tips or anything.

Oh, shut the fuck up.

Ehh... by the, by the way-

Why were you in Brother Phil's office the other day?

Oh... it's nothing- it’s stupid.

My grades suck, and I'm trying to convince the school-

-it’s because my Dad died.

Your Dad actually died?

(Angelo) Uhh, yeah.

Cancer of the liver.

Oh, dude. Fuck. I'm so, I'm so sorry I didn't-

It's, it's all right.

You're good. I'm, I'm okay.

No, I'm sorry I asked you to-

-lie about cancer to Brother Phil.

Like, holy...

Hey, it's a good enough lie, alright?

Cancers out here fucking shit up.

So, it’s perfect. You’re good.

Wait, wait- so, that Bible was your Dad's?

Yeah...

He was an Anglican, and he uh, he really loved the thing.

(Mr. Myers) Clap once if you can hear me.

Clap twice if you can hear me.

All right, men. [manly groan] Men!

Can we be real for a second?

Raise your hand if we can be real for a second.

Okay.

Raise your hand, if you like girls.

Uh-huh. Raise your hand if you care about girls.

Now raise your hand if you want to fall in love.

Raise your hand if you want to have a family!

Raise your hand if you want to marry a slut!

Oh... Huh. Nobody?

Nobody wants to marry a slut.

Garry-

How about you? You want to marry a slut?

Slu- No no no, no, I don't want to marry a slut-

-they’re... sm- smelly.

They’re very- they’re very smelly.

(Mr. Myers) Come on Garry, anybody can smell.

(Mr. Myers) Connor O'Connor smells, is he a slut?

[Laughter]

There was once a beautiful 17 year-old woman-

-at a party.

She made a mistake that night.

She had a beer.

That beer took her to a dark place...

...it made her lustful.

That lady was hit on by a young man-

-who asked her to join him upstairs.

She was going to go with him, she was gonna f-

She was going to have sex with him.

But as she was going...

...she was approached by a good Samaritan.

It was a young man.

He asked the lady-

-what she thought her soul would look like-

-if she went through with the act.

That young woman-

-went home a virgin that night.

That young woman was a virgin when I met her.

And yes, that beautiful young woman was a virgin-

-when I married her.

Now men, I am asking you for one favor-

-on behalf of the man upstairs.

If Mrs. Myers wasn't a virgin-

-I wouldn't have married her-

-you understand?

I'm asking you today-

-I'm asking you every day.

Be good Samaritans.

Don't go around turning girls into sluts.

(Lilith) Pinch my nipples.

(John) Like, hard?

(Lilith) No, like, twist a little bit.

[John clears throat]

[John clears throat again]

Okay, do you have to cough or something, or, like?

No, no, no I’m good, just need some water- after-

(Lilith) Okay.

Do you think this is okay?

I think you're doing the best you can.

No, not the nipples.

I just...

Do you think it's okay to be doing all this?

I like it, do you not?

Yeah, yeah I do, it's just...

I don’t know, don't you want to get married one day?

What?

Well, if you're a slut, then-

-like, I don't think a guy would want to marry you.

(Lilith) You think I'm a slut? (John) No no no no no-

I, Mr. Myers was saying-

And I don't want you to be alone.

(Lilith) Why would I be alone?

Because I touched your vagina-

Are you breaking up-

-with me because you touched my nipples?

No, no, no, I love your nipples.

I just I, I don't know, I’d marry you-

-but, like, what if by doing all this-

-I prevent some great guy-

-from wanting to marry you?

I don't want to talk about other guys or marriage!

Okay no fine, I don't want to marry you-

-but like I would if nobody else did-

-because I'd feel bad for-

-turning you into more of a slut.

(John) Ow. (Lilith) More of a slut?

(Lilith) Okay what do you mean, more of a slut?

You said you made out with, like-

-40 guys or whatever.

I said that to look cool, idiot.

I’ve never even held hands before you.

How was I supposed to know that?

It's like, everything is so fucking boring!

It's like- pray before every class-

-like, don't wear that-

-don't be that, it's like, I don't know, okay?

But I live in a different fucking world in my head.

And I ride motorcycles and-

-and I paint murals and I'm so beautiful-

-I'm like, fucking Helen of Troy, okay?!

And I kiss everyone and do whatever the fuck I want!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I want to go in the world inside your head.

It sounds amazing.

No.

Lilith, I-

Just don’t fucking come near me!

(Mary) That was some performance at Mass.

Ready for prayer?

In the name of the Father, Son, Holy Spirit.

Dear Lord, thank you-

-for bringing us together on this night.

John.

John?

Do you have anything you'd like to thank God for?

God's not real.

What was that?

I don't want to pray, God isn't real.

(Mary) Uh...

In my house, we thank God for what we receive.

No, no.

I'm not feeding a heathen.

I'm not hungry.

Wh- I don’t even- what is this?

What is this?

I don't even know what I'm looking at.

What has your father been telling you? Because-

(Bang on table) Nothing! Nothing!

He never fucking says anything to me, okay?!

Stop fucking talking about him.

(Mary) Go to your room.

(Mary) Give me that.

(Mary) Your father called this afternoon.

A few days ago, you were-

-asking him to go to confession-

-now you're saying that God's not real.

Baby, what's going on?

I'm just worried about...

...Dad’s soul, is all

He’s been doing a lot of- he’s been sinning a lot.

Sweetie, it's not your job-

-to get your father into Heaven.

It's uhm...

It was supposed to be my job.

Hard job.

(Mary) Yeah.

He's always gambling until, like, 5 a.m...

Or like, making out with his money.

Yeah, he only has eyes for his ‘god’...

...’god’ with a small g.

I'm sorry Dad hurt you.

I'm sorry he doesn't make you feel seen.

(Mary) Baby?

Do I make you feel seen?

Mhm, yeah. Totally.

I just feel, like...

...I feel like when Dad sins, it’s like, he just-

-like, he does it naturally.

I don't think he thinks it's wrong all the time.

Why would, like, why would God do that?

Like, make you want to do something bad?

Are you talking about your Dad right now?

Are you doing anything more than kissing her?

No- what, Mom!

It is a mortal sin if you are.

I know, I know it is.

And you don't want to be with anybody-

-who hurts your soul...

...even if they make you feel less lonely.

I swear on God I'm not doing anything else-

-we don't even kiss, really, like-

-like kissing makes me feel impure.

Okay, good.

(Mary) I love you, I love you.

I love you extra...

Okay...

[Christian rock song]

I love your- I love your drawings.

Is there anything I can do to make this better?

Please.

(Lilith) Mr. Myers?

Yeah.

Could I please be seated near some more girls?

I just uhm...

I don't want to be turned into a slut by all these boys.

Yes, Miss Arquette, that’s very prudent.

John, why don't you switch to the other side-

-of the classroom?

(Angelo) I got an outfit picked out and everything.

And do you know the fucking-

-girl-to-guy ratio at these things?

It’s going to be like me and John in a sea of boobs.

And, you know, she's got to act like-

-she has a few guy friends-

-you know, whatever, right?

(Angelo) I'm probably gonna get a fucking candle.

(Connor) Shut up, a fucking candle?

God, he's not getting a candle.

I'm sorry.

You're- you're delusional, dude.

Oh, okay. No, it’s okay.

John's just upset because he's dating a slut.

You fucking- you told me to finger her.

No, I didn't-

-I said you wouldn't know if she was into you-

-unless she was wet and shaved.

That's different. Is that not different?

What the- whatever, man.

All you do is jerk off to sluts.

What does that make you, huh?

Shut up and eat your fucking nuggets.

No no no, you're a fucking loser, you know that?

Like, why don't you just-

-talk to girls instead of being weird?

Here, talk to Garry like he's a girl.

A girl is just Garry with boobs.

Garry, Garry, Garry, Garry, you're a girl.

You're a girl. Go. (Garry) [drowsy] I’m a girl?

(John) Go, come on, talk to Garry.

Come on. What's the plan?

Talk to Garry like he's a girl, go!

Okay, it’s not that fucking simple!

(John) Yeah it is. You're just scared.

(Angelo) [mumbling] Fuck you. (John) The fuck?

(John) Fucking baby. Fuck you! (Angelo) No fuck you!

Why don't you get a new table-

-you fucking asshole?!

Why don’t you get a new Dad, bitch?!

(Garry) Woah...

Wait, man, I...

Find a new table.

(John) Okay, let me just apologize-

(Connor) Go. (John) But I-

(Connor) Come on, come on.

[All sound vanishes]

(Brother Phil) What are you going-

-to do with him?

I’m-I'm sorry, this is-

-this looks bad. This looks really bad.

But, my grandpa, is not, he's not doing well-

I just wanted to give him final communion.

Please... don't make me an accessory to sin.

I'm serious. No! My grandpa, he's sick.

John, don't insult me!

Wh- what are you looking at me like that for?

What do you want?

What are you going to do, huh-

-you're going to get me kicked out or something?

I don't, I don't fucking care.

I don't want to be here anyway. I hate it here.

God gives us free will, John.

If you embrace him, it'll be with an open heart-

-and an open mind.

Anything less wouldn't be a choice.

I trust you.

(Intense Score Bursts In)

(Score Builds Intensity)

(Score Drops Out Hard)

(Tense Score Returns)

I’m sorry.

(Dissonant Score)

(Sin Powerpoint Voice) Have I thrown up food-

-when I wasn't feeling ill?

Have I eaten too much in one sitting?

(Sin Powerpoint Voice) Do I have an eating disorder?

Hey, don't take this stuff too seriously, all right?

It's fucking stupid.

Thanks, uhm, I- I just...

It's really hard to deal with food without having-

-to think about sin, or whatever.

Yeah, no, I get it.

And hey, even if you do have an eating disorder-

-I still think you're really cute, so.

What?

I’m- I’m saying you’re still cute with a dis-

-nevermind.

(Student) Thank you, Father.

(Mr. Myers) Okay, Bridget. Go see Father Albert.

Have I touched another person’s breasts-

-buttocks, vah-gina or penis outside the sacrament-

-of holy matrimony?

(Score Slowly Builds)

Have I taken the Lord’s name in vain?

Have I- severed- severed- my-

-relationship with God by denying His existence?

(Mr. Myers) Alright, John. You’re up.

(Hellish Choir Sings)

Mr. Santucci?

(Teacher) Hey, no running!

(Score slowly gives way to heartbeat)

[Coughing]

I’m sorry...

I’m sorry, Mom...

I'm sorry.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry... God...

I’m sorry...

(Mrs. Groff) Four day’s suspension, eight demerits.

John's next infraction-

-will lead to immediate expulsion.

I was ready to let you slum it in Farmingdale High-

-Mr. Santucci...

...you have a friend on the other side.

(Mary) Brother Phil?

You know him?

He calls every week to tell me how you are.

How does he think I'm doing?

(Mrs. Groff) You have eight demerits.

I know you by name.

How do you think you're doing?

(Mary) He has a lot of compassion for you.

Brother Phil is very Christlike.

Christlike...

When you make excuses for bad behavior-

-you’re forgiving.

When you keep order, you're a square.

A troll under the bridge.

Is John's father the cool one?

Says yes to everything? And you're the one-

-stuck with the nasty conversations?

Eat this, not that.

Go to bed. Do your homework.

No more video games?

I'm a single mom.

Two parents in one.

Not easy.

But you need to try harder.

(Mary) You're grounded.

Okay. Can it- could it wait until next weekend-

-like there's a Sweet 15 later-

(Mary) No negotiations.

Okay, well, what if I saw you instead of Dad-

-for Easter and Thanksgiving?

I can throw in Christmas Eve-

(Mary) JOHN!

(Lilith) I guess with the slut thing, it felt like-

-you were eating their shit up.

Really? After I pour- er, peed on Jesus and-

-fed him to mom?

(Lilith) That’s just stuff you do for me.

(Lilith) Today was, like, you.

Okay, so why did I have to-

-steal Jesus and pee on him?

(Lilith) Just, come to Bridget’s tonight-

-I want us to go to third base.

(John) Okay, so like...

...do you love me?

(Lilith) Are you dumb?

(Lilith) What do you think?

[Lilith hangs up]

[Cooking Show]

If there's anything funny-

-about this money-

I'm gonna hunt you down. And I’m gonna-

[BOOMING club music] [party chatter]

Let's go.

Shouldn’t I say hi to Bridget first, I mean?

Who cares? Just-

[laughing] The fuck is this?!

Sorry, I didn't have time to get a ‘card’ card.

Just- tell her you left your card at home-

Shouldn't we find a more quiet place?

I'll do you.

And then you do me.

You've been so bad for me, John.

Yeah, pretty uh, pretty bad.

Uhm, what's wrong?

Sorry.

Oh my God, my dress looks like shit, doesn't it?

I'm like, breaking out, and my hair is a mess-

No- you look- you look beautiful, okay?

So then what is it?

You’re really mean sometimes.

I don't like the things you make me do.

I don't make you do anything.

I'm, like, putting myself out for you.

And you're completely fucking rejecting me.

I don't want to reject you, but the stuff I have to do-

-makes me want to throw up, and-

-and can't you just like me?

Like, why do I have to steal and burn things?

Because that's the only time you're-

-actually doing anything.

Everything that you say is just so fucking wishy washy.

I just want to be with you-

-and you keep sending me on these demonic quests!

No, no, you don't!

You don't actually want to be with me!

[Bathroom door opens] [Loud boy chatter]

Someone just came in can you please lower your-

Don’t fucking shush me, okay?!

Like- when I kiss you, I want to kiss you.

When you kiss me-

You- you like the fucking idea of kissing me.

Like what it means about you-

-that you got a girl to kiss you.

(Party Boy) [snickering] (John) That’s such bull- shhh-

Don’t fucking shush me, it's not bullshit! It's like-

It's like one day I'm this like-

-trophy that you want to have-

-and the next I’m this urn that you broke, and like-

I just want to be here!

(Party Boy) Gaaaaaaay! (Lilith) I just want to kiss!

And you know what?

The only thing that I have any fucking control over is-

-what I can get your dumb ass to do for me, so...

Why don't- why don’t you get on your knees-

-and bark like a dog for me!

[Party Boys Jeer Loudly] No, I don't want to bark.

Stop yelling, please!

We're having a fight in here!

Sorry! Excuse us.

(Party Boy) Sorry, sorry...

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Okay.

I know I'm not good at this.

I'm sorry that I think about you and other guys.

But that doesn't mean-

-we have to base everything on-

-you making me do horrible stuff.

Well...

...what else is there?

You just- you sound really afraid, and I am too-

But love can't come from a place of fear.

Yeah, is that some shit you read on a postcard?

Okay why do you have to be so mean?!

I told you weeks ago I loved you-

-and all you said back was-

-you’re silly, you’re stupid, you’re this, you’re that!

Well I can’t just say shit I don’t mean!

I meant it when I said it.

You just said it so I would say it.

I don't want any of this.

You don't want any of this?

Yeah.

Does that mean what I think it does?

Yeah.

(Loud Dance Ballad)

Sit up.

You'll know a tree by its fruit.

What?

You have lied.

You have stolen.

Your conscience is so guilty-

-you ran from confession.

I’m not going to do it, John, okay?

I'm not going to raise a piece of shit.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I’m sorry!

Okay?! I-

I’m so sorry- I don’t want to be like Dad-

I'm sorry.

Okay baby, just look at me-

-look at me, okay?

Look at me.

Come on.

I just want you to be a good man.

Okay?

I've got this thing inside me...

...that lives for you.

It's my Mom part.

And I’ve got my Dad part.

And, my Lilith part.

And my Brother Phil part.

But...

I don't think I have a me part.

I don't- I don’t know what that looks like.

But, I mean, sweetie-

-if everyone always lived for their own-

-‘me’ part...

...does that sound like a world-

-you’d want to live in?

Everyone living for themselves?

I don't know! I don’t know!

Why?! Why does everything-

-have to be a rule all the time?!

When you are older-

-you’re gonna figure it out, okay?

And maybe you'll agree with me then.

But for now, you have to live by my rules.

I thought they were God’s rules?

My rules are God's rules.

Okay, well, your rules make me feel like shit.

I- sorry for cursing, but they make me feel-

-like, they make me feel really bad.

Well, that’s...

...that’s a good thing.

God gave you a conscience for a reason.

Okay?

Sweetie...

...this is good.

Okay, I'm going to make you a snack-

-and you're going to feel better. Alright?

You know what I think?

On the first day of school-

-I saw a goose on the bus ride home.

(Mary) You want apples or peaches?

Apples.

And this thought came into my head-

-that the goose was God.

Like- there he is, God’s a goose!

And that goose didn't even care about me.

It was just flapping around, having fun.

It didn't care if I was serving the Eucharist or-

-or kissing before marriage, or-

-or touching a girl down there-

(Mary) What? -or up there, or anywhere-

(Mary) What- what? -or setting a Bible on fire!

John?! Wh- what do you- what are you saying?!

What's going on?! (John) You know what?!

Lilith sucked my penis tonight-

-and I didn’t even like it!

(Mary) Wh- what? John! (John) She sucked m- we went-

-to the bathroom and made out for a little while!

(Mary) Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it!

That is disgusting!

That is disgusting. Stop that!

What- what, what it’s disgusting?!

Am I gonna go to Hell for that?!

Am I gonna go to Hell for something-

-I didn’t even like?!

Yes, yes you will! Now, you stop it! Stop!

Your rules fucking suck!

Don’t curse. Don’t curse! (John) Your rules fucking-

(John) Fuck! Fuck! (Mary) Stop! Stop cursing!

Go to confession.

(Mary) I’m- I'm sorry. (John) Go to confession!

(Mary) No! You- (John) Go to confession.

(Mary) You are not the son that raised!

(John) Good!

(Mary) I can’t believe you’d put those images in my head-

(John) Good! Go to confession now!

Go to confession! That’s a sin!

You need to go to confession! Oh my God!

I hate- (Game Music)

(John) What is wrong with- (Mary) Stay still, pig!

(John) Pig, stop moving!

(Mary) He just, he just, like, flipped.

Every time I press A, he moves!

Let’s get out of this place, this place is creepy.

(Mary) This place is strange.

It's not strange, that guy is strange.

Yeah. Super strange, I think.

Okay, now I have to go to the fighting arena-

-because I want to get that sword.

(Mary) Mm-hmm.

But I also want to break every glass.

You’re so funny.

You make me laugh. (John) [reading] Learn to-

-carry guys on her head, like me-

-so she could help your grandmother with chores.

Are you okay?

Yeah, yeah.

I'm okay.

(Angelo) Okay, okay.

I’m- I'm about to come back. I'm gonna-

(Student) Go get him some fucking fries!

(Angelo) Alright, alright.

(Lilith) Hey.

(John) Hey.

Uhm, it's a little cheesy, but I don't know-

-I really like it.

I like the title.

Yeah.

(Keyboard Keys Clicking)

(John) Hey Dad. (Pete) Hey, bud.

How's it going?

Good.

Hey, could you take me to Mom's?

Oh. Are you sure that's a good idea?

Yeah.

Should I, get out of the Deadmines first?

I'd really prefer if we went now.

(Keyboard Keys Clicking)

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee...

Hi.

Did you need something?

I was wondering if you wanted to go for a walk.

The lake by the bike trail-

-looks really nice at this time of day.

(Sweet Lullaby Score)

(Score Fades)

Did you know that geese mate for life?

No, no, that's- that’s really nice.

I was praying for you when you came in.

Are you doing okay?

Yeah, I’m good- I’m good.

(Voice Breaking) Mom.

I know I’m not exactly-

-the person you were expecting me to be.

But I...

You are a gift.