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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,920
This programme contains
strong language from the start.
2
00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:06,040
What the fuck? That's what
you're wearing to go to a school?
3
00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:07,560
I want to seem like
a successful lady.
4
00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:09,360
You're a nightmare.
5
00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:10,840
Do you love me?
6
00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:12,560
I love you.
7
00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:15,440
Is this a manic episode?
What should I do again?
8
00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:16,800
Should I sit on you?
9
00:00:16,840 --> 00:00:18,640
I fix problems... Ah!
10
00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:19,880
..and you have them.
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00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:22,240
You're the bitch
who shagged my cousin's husband.
12
00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:23,880
Oh, yeah, I did do that.
13
00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:25,360
You need to stop
worrying about Maggie.
14
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,680
She's not worried about you.
15
00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:30,280
I lost the bar,
and I'm fucking pregnant.
16
00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:32,720
Maggie, I need you to help me.
Is that OK?
17
00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:35,480
Of course I can.
I'm in a really good place.
18
00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:37,560
I think there's something wrong
with my brain.
19
00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:39,240
Then get some help, Maggie.
20
00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:45,560
# I can't seem to survive love... #
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00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:27,200
Maggie, my beautiful, sane daughter.
22
00:01:28,320 --> 00:01:30,960
I literally never
have to worry about you.
23
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:32,080
That's nice, Mum.
24
00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:34,720
Yeah, we call you the sane one now.
25
00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:36,600
As you should.
PHONE RINGS
26
00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:38,280
Excuse me, I just need to take this.
27
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,520
Yeah, hello? Mm-hm.
28
00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:44,760
SHE LAUGHS
OK. OK, bye-bye.
29
00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:46,920
VANESSA: Is this a bad time?
30
00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:48,120
Apologies.
31
00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:50,520
The Government just needed
to run some Budget stuff
32
00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:51,960
past a very sane person.
33
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:55,960
God, I'm lucky to have someone
so wildly sane as a client.
34
00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:57,360
LAUGHS
35
00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:59,280
INDISTINCT WHISPER
36
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:06,160
WHISPERING VOICE: I need you.
Is that...?
37
00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:09,320
I need you to help me.
38
00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:12,200
Hello? I need you to help me.
39
00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:14,080
Eddie?
40
00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:16,600
Maggie? What's going on?
41
00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:19,040
Can I borrow your
white noise machine? What?
42
00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:22,360
Pleeease!
43
00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:24,360
MAGGIE GRUNTS
Ryan?
44
00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:28,800
It's 4am!
My room sounds like ghosts.
45
00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:30,360
Get out!
46
00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:32,680
God's sake!
47
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:34,600
HE SOBS
48
00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:36,720
SHE SIGHS
49
00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:43,000
ALARM BEEPS
50
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:50,560
# So we built the mountain
51
00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:53,440
# By digging out a mighty hole
52
00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:58,680
# And on our backs we carried
every rock and stone
53
00:02:59,920 --> 00:03:02,600
# But now the hole is deeper
54
00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:05,080
# Than anybody ever planned
55
00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:09,600
# By my fingertips I'm hanging on
56
00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:13,120
# Sorry, Satan, but I got
through this evening on my own
57
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:15,840
# I haven't left the house
in nearly 30,000
58
00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:18,440
# Cold reactor. #
59
00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:19,840
Is this too early?
60
00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:23,560
Early? I'm up at 6am every day
in case someone's died in the night.
61
00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:26,360
Well, they do say
mental illness is hereditary.
62
00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:28,400
I barely slept anyway.
63
00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:30,120
I hate that you're so far away.
64
00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:31,480
OK, I'm in Surrey.
65
00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:33,520
Bad enough when you moved back
to your flat.
66
00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:35,600
Look, I am fine, Mum.
67
00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:38,080
I'm in my stable girl era.
68
00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:40,600
I'm on medication
that isn't trying to kill me.
69
00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:42,320
I use retinol and HelloFresh.
70
00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:44,480
I am a bridesmaid in a posh wedding,
for God's sake.
71
00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:46,000
Has anyone heard from Eddie?
72
00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:49,080
Is she coming?She's...
SHE SIGHS
73
00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:50,360
No, there's no way.
74
00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:52,600
It's been a year. She didn't even
RSVP, which...
75
00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:55,200
I'm not even thinking
about that, Mum.
76
00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:56,760
Just stop worrying, OK?
77
00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:58,240
I'm allowed to be worried, Maggie,
78
00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:01,120
it is your first time leaving town
since the lithium poisoning.
79
00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:05,960
I said it's your first time
leaving town...
80
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:07,320
Look, I heard you, Mum. Just...
81
00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:09,560
I need to get going, OK?
82
00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:11,040
What on earth does this maid of
honour
83
00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:12,440
need you so early for?
84
00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:14,440
I dunno. Bridesmaid stuff?
85
00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:17,200
Filming awkward TikToks
in matching satin pyjamas
86
00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:19,080
and telling Simone
her skin looks clear.
87
00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:22,360
SHE EXHALES
88
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:25,200
I am a normal person.
89
00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:27,440
Normal? Who wants to be normal?
90
00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:29,800
I do. Well, if you get overwhelmed
91
00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:32,040
or feel bad in any way,
just call me.
92
00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:35,280
I won't, Mum, this is going to
be a nice, easy, chill...
93
00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:40,080
This is not one of your kooky
Hackney town hall weddings,
94
00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:44,440
where the bride wears a jumpsuit
and drinks lager from a can.
95
00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:46,520
This is the Home Counties.
96
00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:48,400
We take this seriously.
97
00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:50,240
I have barely slept.
98
00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:52,840
Mercury cried all night.
99
00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:54,560
No! Did he?
100
00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:58,320
Simone has had
a complicated reaction
101
00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:00,880
to her pre-marital juice cleanse.
102
00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:03,520
I will never forgive Heat magazine
for what it did to us.
103
00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:05,760
So to avoid my brother saying "I do"
104
00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:07,680
to a woman wearing an adult nappy,
105
00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:11,800
I will be busy trying
to plug the leak, as it were.
106
00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:15,600
Yes, those were Simone's choices.
107
00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:19,160
I suppose she wanted her culture
represented too.
108
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:21,080
CLEARS THROAT
Please wear them
109
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:24,840
so as to differentiate yourselves
from the staff.
110
00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:28,520
Um...Flopsy, is it? Yeah, um...
111
00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:32,360
Why... Why does my sash say this?
112
00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:36,120
My reputation as a maid of honour,
113
00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:38,520
a role I take extremely seriously,
114
00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:40,120
is immaculate.
115
00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:41,520
I am in constant demand.
116
00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:44,560
And this is my brother's wedding,
my favourite brother,
117
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:45,960
the only brother that isn't balding.
118
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:48,520
And as, from what I understand,
119
00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:52,640
you have a bit of a reputation
as somewhat of a loose cannon... Mm?
120
00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:54,920
..I think this would be
a better fit.
121
00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:56,240
Mm?
122
00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:58,320
Off you pop.
123
00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:02,320
Now, I have written down
your bridesmaids' tasks
124
00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:06,200
in extremely simple terms,
125
00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:10,080
so I am assuming
there are no questions.
126
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:13,200
I left Simone lying face-down
in an antique chamber pot,
127
00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:14,720
so I ought to... Er...
128
00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:16,360
What does "train the swans" mean?
129
00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:18,400
Is "assist Jessie Ware" slang
for something?
130
00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:20,960
I have not heard a thing
from the fourth bridesmaid.
131
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:24,480
Has anyone had contact with her?
She's ignored all communications.
132
00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:31,160
Er, no. No, she won't be coming.
133
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:34,680
SHE SPUTTERS
134
00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:41,120
And if I see anyone vaping,
they will be fined.
135
00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:50,200
I cannot wait for
my bridesmaid years to be over.
136
00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:53,520
What was Aldi Pippa Middleton
saying to you? Nothing. It's grand.
137
00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:55,360
Anyways, we only have to
deal with her for one day.
138
00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:57,040
Simone has done worse for us.
139
00:06:57,080 --> 00:06:58,920
Like when she sucked off
Stormzy's weird old roadies
140
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,720
to get us backstage. Mm, exactly.
141
00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:02,920
Well, strap in, fuckers,
cos things are about to get worse.
142
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:05,800
Worse than unpaid labour?
Do you remember Simone's ex, Jack?
143
00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:08,040
Jack Pearl? The one who couldn't
stop telling us
144
00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:09,840
that he once played pool
with Amy Winehouse?
145
00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:11,760
Oh, he was awful.
146
00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:13,680
He used to sniff out
a guitar at a house party
147
00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:15,040
like an indie bloodhound.
148
00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:17,360
Yeah. Well, he's threatening to
turn up and ruin the wedding.
149
00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:19,480
Oh, for fuck's sake. Hot girls
are meant to marry rich.
150
00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:21,320
It's their right.
He wouldn't really turn up here.
151
00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:23,560
Simone seems to think he might.
He has previous.
152
00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:26,640
After she got engaged, he tried
to break into her house.
153
00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:29,600
It is wild that we just let
straight men run loose. Yeah.
154
00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:31,400
So we need to keep an eye out.
155
00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:33,160
For what? A trilby?
156
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,840
The opening chords
of Can't Stand Me Now?
157
00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:37,440
I've got a pop star to wrangle.
158
00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:40,360
Yeah, well,
I've got...gargoyles to wax.
159
00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:44,120
No-one said this bridesmaid
shit was easy.
160
00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:51,480
PHONE VIBRATES
161
00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:05,160
CHEERY MUSIC PLAYS
162
00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:07,760
No! Oh!
163
00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:14,520
Ugh!
SHE RETCHES
164
00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:18,640
Oh!
165
00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:22,840
Oh, my God. Sorry. I just...
166
00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:25,640
It suckered onto me, and I could feel
its, like, monster tongue.
167
00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:30,920
There I was, thinking I'd given you
the simplest tasks there were.
168
00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:32,760
I could do it. I just...
169
00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:35,520
Once I get these gloves on,
I will be de-leeching
170
00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:36,680
at speeds never seen before.
171
00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:38,360
See that you are.
172
00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:39,600
And, um...
173
00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:43,480
..if I do everything on my list,
which I will, um...
174
00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:48,840
..could I have a normal
bridesmaid sash?
175
00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:52,440
Perhaps. OK.
176
00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:55,840
Oh, sorry.
177
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:08,280
Ugh!
178
00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:25,440
I'm sure I saw someone
in the billiards room,
179
00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:27,400
but when I looked back
there was nobody there.
180
00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:29,040
DOOR CLOSES
181
00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:31,240
What happened to you?
182
00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:33,600
The swans have a very aggressive
communication style.
183
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:35,040
We're working through it.
184
00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:36,800
I'd take the swans
over Jessie Ware any day.
185
00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:38,400
She is insane.
186
00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:40,560
I found her in the kitchen
necking cooking sherry,
187
00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:43,400
and when I tried to grab it off her,
she called me a slur.
188
00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:45,520
She called you a little bitch.
And I consider that a slur.
189
00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:46,840
What's with the meat? Huh?
190
00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:49,440
Oh, I was just feeding
the altar boys. Listen...
191
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:54,760
I have a weird feeling that
someone is like, here.
192
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:57,920
Watching us. Ghosts! Ryan!
193
00:09:57,960 --> 00:09:59,840
I meant maybe more like...
194
00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:03,560
..a Pearl has entered the oyster.
195
00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:05,080
Jack Pearl? Oh!
196
00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:06,440
So we should split up.
197
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:08,960
Distracting everybody else now,
are we?
198
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:12,480
No, no, don't worry. I've put
all the meat in the boys.
199
00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:17,360
I meant, er... I need you to put your
bridesmaids' dresses on
200
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:19,920
and meet me in the main hall
as quickly as possible.
201
00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:22,280
If you can manage that.
202
00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:23,320
Yes.
203
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:27,760
Off you go.
204
00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:31,000
God, who pissed on her Aga?
205
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:33,720
Just do what she says and we
can hunt for Jack Pearl later.
206
00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:35,440
If these dresses are sheer
or something
207
00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:37,920
I am going to shank Simone.
208
00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:40,600
They'll be bog-standard pastel
satin, babe. Don't worry.
209
00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:47,400
Ryan, your tabard is unacceptable.
210
00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:49,840
OK, well, um, first off,
211
00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:51,240
what the fuck is a tabard?
212
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,120
So we're actually wearing these?
213
00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:56,840
World War I nurses' uniforms?
214
00:10:56,880 --> 00:11:00,920
Is that a problem?
God, no. No, no, I... I love war.
215
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:03,840
Yeah, it just seems like
a weird tradition,
216
00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:06,520
even by the aristocracy's standards.
217
00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:08,440
Sister Peggy Beale!
218
00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:14,320
Saved my grandfather's life
after the Battle of Cambrai.
219
00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:16,920
Trampled by a horse, poor fellow.
220
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:20,960
Crushed his skull to smithereens.
Oh!
221
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:23,200
Somehow he pulled through,
222
00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:28,560
thanks to Sister Peggy,
who tended to him day and night.
223
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:34,320
Upon his return home,
he did two things.
224
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:37,720
First, he vowed to honour
Sister Peggy
225
00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:42,640
at every family wedding
from that day forth.
226
00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:44,040
Mm.
227
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:48,200
And-And the second thing?
228
00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:50,320
He stabbed every horse
in the stable to death.
229
00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,440
ALL: Oh!
230
00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:53,960
Wow.
231
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:57,840
What an honour to represent
the, um...
232
00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:03,240
..British Army in this way.
233
00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:04,720
I mean, I'm Irish, of course,
234
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:08,400
but you can't help
but respect the Empire.
235
00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:11,080
If you ignore, like,
90% of the history,
236
00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:13,240
and focus on things
like the tea and the...
237
00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:15,520
and the fun uniforms and... What?
238
00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:40,240
Goodness. What
would Grandfather say about you?
239
00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:41,760
OK, Uncle Albert,
240
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,720
let's get you back
to the rest of the family.
241
00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:46,360
We've actually been
looking for you for hours.
242
00:12:58,840 --> 00:12:59,960
Eddie.
243
00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:03,400
Are you wearing a bindi?
244
00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:05,640
I had no idea you were coming.
245
00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:07,520
Yeah, it was kind of
a last-minute decision.
246
00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:10,040
Huh.
247
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:12,040
OK. Um...
248
00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:13,480
Hug me, then, bitch.
249
00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:19,520
Oh, I had no idea.
250
00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:22,440
Why would you?
Where the fuck have you been?
251
00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:24,600
California, mostly. Oh.
252
00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:26,760
So somewhere that definitely
does have Wi-Fi, then.
253
00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:28,680
Turns out there's more to life
than social media.
254
00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:38,920
I'd love it
if we could talk one-on-one.
255
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:40,400
It's kind of why I came.
256
00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:43,360
Oh, I mean, yeah, yeah, of course.
257
00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:46,040
Right, now that
our fourth bridesmaid
258
00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:47,320
has finally arrived...
259
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:48,920
Eddie, is it?
260
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:50,800
..I'm putting you
in charge of making sure
261
00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:52,280
the chapel is ready to go.
262
00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:54,040
The rest of you,
back to your tasks.
263
00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:57,960
Actually, Flopsy,
um, I've done all mine.
264
00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:59,680
You've moistened the taxidermy?
265
00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:02,160
Yep. You've cut the Nazis
out of the portraits? Yeah.
266
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:04,600
Yeah, that one took a while,
but, um, yeah.
267
00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:09,080
Oh! I have to say,
I'm pleasantly surprised.
268
00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:10,120
So...
269
00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:14,240
The sash. Oh, yes.
270
00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:17,600
This is for you.
271
00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:20,760
It's from Simone, hence
the quality of the fabric.
272
00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:21,960
No, no, no.
273
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:23,920
That's too close. Right. Um...
274
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:27,200
You said if I...
275
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:32,120
..if I finish all my tasks,
I could have a normal sash.
276
00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:34,560
Oh.
SHE LAUGHS
277
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:37,400
I'm not sure that's quite
what I said.
278
00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:40,080
Why don't we see how you do
during the ceremony?
279
00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:43,040
If we can avoid any big scenes,
then we'll see...
280
00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:45,720
Flopsy, we need you.
The flowers are pink.
281
00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,360
The flowers are what?
282
00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:50,040
If that florist thinks
she'll work in Surrey again,
283
00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:51,440
she has another think coming.
284
00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:53,720
First the ribbon debacle
and now this.
285
00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:57,800
DOOR SLAMS
286
00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:03,920
So, could you show me
to this chapel?
287
00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:22,480
It's nice.
288
00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:25,680
Well, it's haunted.
289
00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:29,760
Well, like, according to Ryan.
290
00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:32,280
Ryan thinks the Dalston
McDonald's is haunted.
291
00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:36,520
So...
292
00:15:38,320 --> 00:15:39,560
How have you been?
293
00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:43,680
I'm sorry I haven't reached out.
294
00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:48,040
I needed time to think about...
295
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:51,280
..everything, but also about us.
296
00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:59,080
Look, this might be hard
to hear, but...
297
00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:01,000
SNEEZING
Sh!
298
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:04,720
Look.
299
00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:06,960
We'll explain later, but right now...
300
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:10,800
..I need to attack the man
that's behind those flowers.
301
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:29,000
I have a weapon!
Oh, God, not Jack Pearl!
302
00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:31,280
That's plastic, by the way.
303
00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:34,520
I am here to object to
this wedding, like in Shrek.
304
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:37,440
Oh, you are not the Shrek.
You are the Farquaad!
305
00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:39,600
Are you seriously going
to ruin someone's wedding
306
00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:41,840
just because she once made
the poor choice to go out with you?
307
00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:44,480
Go out with me? We're married!
308
00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:47,640
Yeah.
Didn't know that part, did you?
309
00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:50,200
Got married in Vegas.
Simone thought it didn't count
310
00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:53,280
because she was wearing
a bikini at the time, but it did!
311
00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:55,640
So I'm here as
her lawfully wedded husband
312
00:16:55,680 --> 00:16:57,880
to stand up against bigamy.
313
00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:00,160
Ow! Get off! Don't touch me!
314
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:01,960
I've got the law on my si...
315
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,760
Have you always been nuns, you two?
316
00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:05,040
Shut up!
317
00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:06,720
Could you not have just
sent her a text?
318
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:09,400
She blocked me.
Can you believe that?
319
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:12,000
Like, we was partners, yeah?
320
00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:15,720
And now it's like
we're strangers, you know?
321
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:18,320
I know.
322
00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:21,520
It's hard to be the one
that's still in love.
323
00:17:23,360 --> 00:17:26,960
Yuck! I don't love her. I just
want 100 grand to stay quiet.
324
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,000
Oh, you're such a fucking Farquaad!
325
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:30,760
LOUD CRACK
What was that?
326
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:33,280
Swan whip. Guys, kick-off is in 20.
327
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:34,480
We need to get him out of here.
328
00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:36,560
Anya, I assume you brought the birds.
329
00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:39,960
They've accepted me as their leader.
Good.
330
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:41,920
I think they might be able to help.
331
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:43,600
Oh!
332
00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:45,600
HE GROANS
You can't do this to me!
333
00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:48,160
My cousin knows Rob Rinder.
334
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:50,120
Now what? We can't leave him
up here on his own.
335
00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:54,120
Help! Help me!
I've been kidnapped by witches!
336
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,360
INDISTINCT SHOUTING
337
00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,680
MUFFLED SHOUTING
338
00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:01,760
PHONE VIBRATES
339
00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:04,080
Oh, God. Flopsy's asking
where we are.
340
00:18:04,120 --> 00:18:06,960
Um, "Just in the attic, babe."
341
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,480
No! Why would you tell her that?
342
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:10,320
Do not send that!I already did.
MUFFLED SHOUTING
343
00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:12,400
My thumbs have Millennial
smartphone muscle memory.
344
00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:14,840
Oh, God. She can hear the moaning.
345
00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:16,920
OK, OK, just... Just let me think.
346
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:18,640
She's coming up here.
Well, she can't. Stop her.
347
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:20,040
Oh, my God, how?
348
00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:22,280
Tell her Anya's giving birth.
There's no baby!
349
00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:25,160
Hang on. I can try and push.
Tell her it's me.
350
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,360
The noises. Tell her I've had,
like, an episode.
351
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:30,480
No.
352
00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:32,640
That way I can stay up here
with Jack so he can't escape.
353
00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:34,120
The rest of you can go
be bridesmaids.
354
00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:36,400
No, Mags. If someone
needs to stay, I'll do it.
355
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:38,240
Straight weddings are boring
as fuck anyway.
356
00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:41,200
No, it has to be me. Flopsy
won't believe it's anyone else.
357
00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:42,880
It's our only choice. But...
358
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:44,440
Just go!
359
00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:46,800
BELLS PEAL
360
00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:50,080
The bells. The bells!
361
00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:56,160
JACK GRUNTS
362
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:58,960
BELLS PEAL
363
00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:19,720
JACK GRUNTS
364
00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:34,320
JACK WHIMPERS
365
00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:37,360
JACK GROANS
366
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:39,320
DOOR OPENS
367
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:43,440
You're too small to subdue him.
368
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:46,840
Never had any complaints.
369
00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:51,320
JACK WHIMPERS
370
00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:58,760
So...
371
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:02,680
Do you want to have that talk?
372
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:06,520
Not now.
373
00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:09,240
Let's just watch the wedding.
374
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:29,640
MUSIC: Ave Maria
375
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:36,280
JACK MOANS IN TUNE
376
00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:40,800
Ugh!
377
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:52,640
Oh, my God, Maggie!
Are you feeling better?
378
00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:54,520
Yep. All good, thank you.
379
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:56,920
I'm fine.
380
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:00,920
Done? Yep.
381
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,000
Owen's got him trussed up
in an out-of-service loo.
382
00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:05,200
I'm not sure what he's going to
do with him exactly.
383
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:07,760
Oh, he'll be fine. He's done
this sort of thing before.
384
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:12,760
INDISTINCT CHATTER
385
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:18,240
Fuck Flopsy, man.
She's got a rabbit's name.
386
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:21,160
I can't believe we missed the food.
I am starving.
387
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:23,360
Will we go pillage a pantry?
388
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:25,360
I've always wanted to see a pantry.
389
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:27,880
Well, then, we must.
390
00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:31,760
Hurry up, before the servants
eat all the leftovers.
391
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:33,720
We are the servants!
392
00:21:36,120 --> 00:21:38,640
Not to brag, but I will find
a kitchen using only my nose.
393
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:40,360
Yeah, I believe it.
394
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:43,800
Eddie! Finally!
395
00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:47,640
Oh, I'm sorry I'm so late.
396
00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:49,720
I got lost finding
our new apartment.
397
00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:51,920
I ended up
somewhere called Totting Ham?
398
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:57,360
And this guy with no teeth,
he tried to sell me a horse.
399
00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,680
THEY LAUGH
400
00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:03,320
Oh, sorry. This is my...
My friend...
401
00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:07,400
Hi. I'm Whitney.
You must be Maggie.
402
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:10,960
I must be, yeah.
403
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,720
God, I bet I look a mess.
404
00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:15,400
I literally grabbed whatever
405
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:17,560
was at the top of my suitcase
and ran.
406
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:20,400
No, no. You look stunning.
407
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:22,120
Oh, thank you.
408
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:32,120
Drinkies?Let's do it.
THEY LAUGH
409
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:36,640
We'll... Yeah. Yeah.
410
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:39,840
Why are you dressed like
Florence Nightingale?
411
00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:42,400
# I could be a millionaire
412
00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:45,960
# If I had the money... #
413
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:49,640
So, has it been awful?
414
00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:52,000
No. Not awful.
415
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:55,160
Did you tell her?
416
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:58,960
I was going to, but then there
was this whole mad drama.
417
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:00,800
Hey, it's OK.
418
00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:02,160
It's OK.
419
00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:04,560
I'm here now. I can help.
420
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:06,080
Yeah.
421
00:23:07,120 --> 00:23:11,040
And you'll feel so much better
once you sit her down and say,
422
00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:14,480
"I'm sorry, but I cannot
have you in my life any more."
423
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:17,680
I'm going to do it.
424
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:20,640
Soon.
425
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:27,400
Just not tonight.
426
00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:38,600
Cheer up, little boy!
Today is a wonderful day!
427
00:23:45,120 --> 00:23:47,280
# I've been reading Browning
428
00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:51,040
# Keats and William Wordsworth
429
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:54,920
# And they all seem to be
saying the same thing for me
430
00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:59,920
# Well, I like the words they use
431
00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:02,880
# And I like the way
they use them, you know
432
00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:06,320
# Home Thoughts From Abroad
is such a beautiful poem. #
433
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:09,440
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