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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,880
Hi, Mummy! Hello, darling.
2
00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:05,480
Kids! I'm home!
3
00:00:05,480 --> 00:00:06,880
Hi. Hi, Mum.
4
00:00:06,880 --> 00:00:08,080
Do I get a hug?
5
00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:11,240
So...
6
00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:12,600
how was the North?
7
00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:14,560
It was Birmingham. Oh, dear.
8
00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:18,280
And it was... Is it weird to
describe a trade show as magical?
9
00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:19,360
Yes.
10
00:00:19,360 --> 00:00:20,920
It's just such an exciting time.
11
00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:23,320
Interiors are really expanding
at the moment.
12
00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:25,040
That feels like a problem for walls.
13
00:00:25,040 --> 00:00:28,320
And get this, Mummy,
I'm now a brand ambassador!
14
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:32,360
So this guy who designs
these gorgeous sofas
15
00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:37,200
took business cards from a few
elite tastemakers and he selected...
16
00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:38,280
What, like a prize draw?
17
00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:39,920
No, like a talent pool.
18
00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:42,840
And I was chosen to receive this
gorgeous complimentary so...
19
00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:44,040
You won a sofa?
20
00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:46,840
No. I networked a sofa!
To boost on my socials.
21
00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:50,120
It's quid quo pro! Anyway.
22
00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:52,120
How were the kids?
Good as gold.
23
00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:54,640
Though Manus kept calling me,
"Brah."
24
00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:55,880
Is he a sexist now?
25
00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:57,600
No. It's short for brother, Mother.
26
00:00:57,600 --> 00:00:58,720
"Brother-Mother"?
27
00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:00,600
It's... It's just what the kids
say now.
28
00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:02,400
Anyway, I must dash.
29
00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:05,160
I'm meeting a man for "coffee."
30
00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:06,280
Oh!
31
00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:08,880
I've signed up to this very
exclusive dating app and, honestly,
32
00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:10,320
I can't move for hot totty.
33
00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:12,800
Well, enjoy your "coffee."
34
00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:16,040
It's not really coffee, darling.
35
00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:17,480
Yes, I know, Mummy.
36
00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:19,640
Kids! Gan-Gan's going now!
37
00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:23,800
Oh! Such a magical age.
38
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,640
Morning. Morning.
39
00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:30,240
Oh, Mal. I need a hand...
40
00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:32,440
Taxi! Well, I'm off to...
Quick as you can!
41
00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:33,600
HE SIGHS
Don't even argue.
42
00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:35,240
So when's the new one coming?
43
00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:36,520
Well, not for a few days,
44
00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:39,280
but I need to vacuum
and touch up some scuffs.
45
00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:40,960
Let's get the cushions off first.
46
00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:42,760
OK.
47
00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:44,280
What's this slimy...
48
00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:46,040
ARGH! Ergh!
49
00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:47,600
AMANDA RETCHES
Urgh!
50
00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:49,280
Oh, my God!
51
00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:50,840
Is that a condom?!
52
00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:54,640
Urgh! I touched my face! Oh, my God!
53
00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:55,920
Urgh!
54
00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:59,000
Oh, not with the hairbrush!
HE LAUGHS
55
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:00,640
That was in your sofa!
So gross!
56
00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:02,240
Amanda, that's foul.
57
00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:04,280
Ugh! Whose is that?!
58
00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:06,280
Could it be yours?
No, Mal.
59
00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:08,480
I've been V-Cel since Johannes.
60
00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:11,680
Voluntary celibate.
Just focusing on me and my needs.
61
00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:14,040
All right, well, it must be
someone's.
62
00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:15,360
No shit, Shergar.
63
00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:18,080
But who else in this house
is sexually active?
64
00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:20,960
Yeah, I know, Darius,
but I really want to get a ticket.
65
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:22,880
ON PHONE: OK, I could ask Stanley
to be fair.
66
00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:25,280
Everything can be bought online,
there's got to be a website.
67
00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:26,720
I've checked on the website.
68
00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:29,640
We can look somewhere else.
I can't wait to see you.
69
00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:32,680
All right, we either need to move
this or put it down.
70
00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:37,640
I am going to have to speak to her,
aren't I?
71
00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:39,960
And get Anne to speak to Darius.
72
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:41,280
Yeah.
73
00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:43,680
These things require
a two-pronged approach.
74
00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:46,200
It's usually
more of a one-pronged approach.
75
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,040
Mal! This is serious.
76
00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:50,280
Well, they're 16 now.
I think it's quite normal.
77
00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:52,480
So have you had the chat
with Ned then?
78
00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:54,440
Yeah, of course.
Me and JJ divvied it up.
79
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:56,640
I was communications
with the opposite sex
80
00:02:56,640 --> 00:02:58,480
and JJ was contraceptives.
81
00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:01,440
Basically I was tactics
and JJ was the kit man.
82
00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:04,000
Right. There you go. OK.
83
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:05,800
What time they coming to collect it?
84
00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:07,280
Who?
85
00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:09,080
I don't know, the council or
whoever you booked it with.
86
00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:10,120
No-one.
87
00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:13,080
Mal, this is a very expensive sofa.
Someone will take it.
88
00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:14,720
You can't just leave it
in the street.
89
00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:16,560
Why don't you stick it
on Marketplace?
90
00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:20,080
Mal, I don't do Facebook
cos of my moral objections to Meta.
91
00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:22,040
It's a good job
they don't own Instagram, innit?
92
00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:23,880
God, isn't it?
93
00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:29,520
Yes, you just see it, yeah.
94
00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:31,560
Yeah. Yeah.
Yes, it's very nice, yes. Yeah.
95
00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:32,640
And you won that?
96
00:03:32,640 --> 00:03:34,920
No, I networked it, Anne,
cos of my profile.
97
00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:37,400
Oh, right. And you just left the old
one out on the pavement?
98
00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:39,440
Its second life is pending, yeah.
99
00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:42,000
Sure. If I dump a sofa,
it's fly-tipping,
100
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:44,880
and if you do it,
you're part of the circular economy.
101
00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:47,120
Well, I'm giving someone local
the chance to own a piece
102
00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:50,560
of Chiswick-quality furniture.
It's actually very community-minded.
103
00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:53,200
Mmm. Unless, you want it
for your homeless charity?
104
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:57,080
Well, it's a food bank
and you can't eat a sofa,
105
00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:58,280
so...no.
106
00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,520
Stick it in the van, if you want?
Take it down the tip.
107
00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:03,400
That sofa has survived one marriage
and two toddlers, Mal,
108
00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:05,640
I think it deserves a better fate
than the tip.
109
00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:07,320
All right. Honestly!
110
00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:10,000
It'll get snapped up any moment.
You'll see.
111
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,240
Bye!
112
00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:13,520
That was Della.
She's on her last leg.
113
00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:14,640
She's dying?!
114
00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:16,680
No, of her journey. From Hawaii.
115
00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:19,360
We've got her back for the weekend.
Well, some of it anyway.
116
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:22,360
Aw! So nice!
Yeah, can't wait!
117
00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:24,760
We'll have a stroll by the river,
spot of lunch.
118
00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:28,400
I found this ace gastro pub that's
dog friendly. Thank you, ChatGPT.
119
00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:29,560
What's Chatty Petey?
120
00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:32,440
No, it's Chat G-P-T, Anne.
121
00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:33,640
It's AI.
122
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:34,760
Oh.
123
00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:36,000
Yes, yes, that.
124
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:39,200
Yeah, I think the kids put it on my
phone but I don't really trust it.
125
00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:40,720
Um, I mean, Chris always laughs
at me
126
00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:42,920
for saying please and thank you
to Alexa,
127
00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:45,960
but, um, at least when the computers
take over, they'll have me down
128
00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:48,320
as one of the good humans
and they might spare me.
129
00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:50,240
From the first cull at least.
130
00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:53,160
I...mainly just ask it about pubs.
131
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:54,920
But you can ask it about anything.
132
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:57,080
Oh. It's dead good for advice.
133
00:04:57,080 --> 00:05:00,000
Felicity! Off the pitch!
134
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,200
Oh, Mummy!
135
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:02,880
Sorry I'm late.
136
00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:05,320
I met someone for "coffee".
137
00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:07,160
You're actually starting
to put me off coffee.
138
00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:08,560
Don't be a prude.
139
00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:10,320
You should get on this app, darling.
140
00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:11,840
No, Mummy!
141
00:05:11,840 --> 00:05:14,280
No, thank you.
No, it's a rich seam of solvent men.
142
00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:17,120
There's loads of them.
Look! What do you think of him?
143
00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:22,200
Hmm. Maybe a touch old, but, er,
yeah, why not? Yeah, I'm game.
144
00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:23,720
No, he's the one I'm seeing.
145
00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:25,240
That's coffee man?
146
00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:27,120
Five shots last night.
147
00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:29,360
And a quick AeroPress this morning.
148
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:37,400
Anne?
149
00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:40,160
Love's young dream.
150
00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:41,760
Really takes me back, y'know?
151
00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:44,440
Me and Chris once kissed so hard
when we were courting,
152
00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:46,240
that I developed a pressure sore
on my gum.
153
00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:49,200
Marvellous. I'm glad
I got you alone actually, Anne.
154
00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:52,320
I found an unwrapped condom
in the house yesterday,
155
00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:55,480
and, well, it's not mine.
156
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:56,800
Obviously.
157
00:05:56,800 --> 00:06:00,640
Yes, thank you, Anne. My point is,
if it's not mine...
158
00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:07,480
Oh, don't be ridiculous!
They're only kids.
159
00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:09,880
Can you imagine
getting down and dirty at 16?
160
00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:14,160
Oh, God, they're at it,
aren't they?!
161
00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:16,360
I don't know, Anne, but I think we
need to talk to them,
162
00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:18,320
make sure they're armed
with all the facts.
163
00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:21,360
Jesus. Chris is currently away
in Vancouver, Canada.
164
00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:24,360
Right. This would have to happen
when he's away in Vancouver, Canada.
165
00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:25,920
I know where Vancouver is, Anne.
166
00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:27,960
Yes. Yeah, I will talk to him.
OK, yes.
167
00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:35,360
OK, that's enough Darius! C'mon!
168
00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:37,680
Spaghetti Hoops for tea.
169
00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:39,080
My poor sofa.
170
00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:41,240
Who's done this?
171
00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:42,720
You see?
172
00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:45,040
I told you.
You've opened the floodgates now.
173
00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:46,920
People see an abandoned settee
in the street,
174
00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:48,240
they think it's a dumping ground.
175
00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:49,760
Oh, you've finally been evicted?
176
00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:51,080
Trying to get rid of this old thing.
177
00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:52,880
He means the sofa...
They're nice!
178
00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:56,040
Thanks. Yeah, Della's back tonight,
so I'm making an effort.
179
00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:58,160
Flowers... Ohh!
..a nice Merlot,
180
00:06:58,160 --> 00:06:59,400
new razor... Hmm!
181
00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:03,480
..and some plughole unblocker
because, y'know, it's been a while.
182
00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:04,960
Sounds lovely.
183
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,640
I mean having Della back,
not your...
184
00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:07,840
Although I'm sure...
185
00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:10,080
Do you know what?
This is actually a decent settee.
186
00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:11,640
Yes, thank you! Yes, it is.
187
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,560
Yes! See?! People like it.
188
00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:15,120
Oh, no! Bobby! No, no!
189
00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:16,880
Bad dog! Bad dog! Oh, God, Fi!
Can you tell him to stop?
190
00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:18,560
That's horrid!
I'm so sorry, Amanda. Bad dog!
191
00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:20,360
Well, no-one's going to want it
now, are they?
192
00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:23,160
Excuse me?
Is...is that going begging?
193
00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:24,880
Yes.
194
00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:29,360
Yes, it is. Free to a good home.
195
00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:30,480
Amazing.
196
00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:33,200
Yeah.
197
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,360
Ha! Thank you.
198
00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:36,800
Oh, dear!
199
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:41,480
God, I'm exhausted!
..Not an airport game.
200
00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:44,280
Oh, it's so good to be home!
201
00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:45,520
DOG BARKS
202
00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:47,080
Whoa! What the...
203
00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:48,640
Oh!
204
00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:50,520
That's a much bigger dog
in real life!
205
00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:53,120
Ah! He's licking my skin!
206
00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:55,000
Oh, he loves his other mummy!
207
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:57,960
OK, right, cough up. Oh.
We had a deal.
208
00:07:57,960 --> 00:08:00,640
Here you go, mate.
Oh, come on, it's not 1985.
209
00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:02,120
Bloody 'ell.
210
00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:04,440
Thank you. OK. Right,
I'll see you guys later then, yeah?
211
00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:07,240
Where are you going?
To buy drugs.
212
00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:08,720
Cinema.
213
00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:10,080
Oh!
214
00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:12,880
Out. All evening.
215
00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:15,240
At the cinema.
216
00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:16,760
Ohhh.
217
00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:19,480
Ohhh!
218
00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:23,080
Oh, I knew there was a reason
to fly 7,000 miles.
219
00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:26,480
DOG BARKS
220
00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:28,760
Oh! So sorry!
221
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:31,400
I've been letting him sleep on the
bed while you were away.
222
00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:33,920
Oh, just kick him out
and shut the door.
223
00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:36,760
No, cos if I do that,
he'll scratch at it all night.
224
00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:38,040
Let me just...
225
00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:41,120
Let me get him settled downstairs
and I'll be right back.
226
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:42,360
OK. Yeah.
227
00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:44,680
KNOCKING ON DOOR
228
00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:48,080
Georgie, sweetheart,
could we have a little chat?
229
00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:50,320
It's just about you and Darius...
230
00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:52,720
Oh.
231
00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:54,360
Georgie?
232
00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:56,000
CHATTERING IN DISTANCE
233
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:57,560
I was like 12...
234
00:08:57,560 --> 00:08:58,720
THEY LAUGH
235
00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:00,160
Oh, my God.
236
00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:01,520
Um, excuse me!
237
00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:04,000
Does this look like a youth club?
238
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:05,160
A bit. Yeah. Sort of.
239
00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:06,600
Could you just move along, please?
240
00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:07,680
Is she serious?
241
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:11,440
I hope you haven't scuffed my sofa!
Go on, shoo!
242
00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:14,440
Not you, Georgie.
243
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,280
Now, then. Right. Where were we?
244
00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:22,360
SHE SNORES
245
00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:26,760
Right. Georgie.
246
00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:29,840
Good.
247
00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:34,120
I think we might need to have
a little chat. Oh, God.
248
00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:36,080
Gan-Gan's dead. No.
Why would you think...
249
00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:37,200
Then, why are you being weird?
250
00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:39,320
I'm not being weird.
Yes, you are. Is Manus adopted?
251
00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:40,800
No. Wha...
252
00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:42,520
Nothing... W-Why Manus?
253
00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:44,240
Oh, my God, I'm adopted?!
254
00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:47,000
No. No-one's adopted.
255
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:48,560
Or dead.
256
00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:52,760
It's more of a personal, um...
257
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:54,520
No, intimate...
258
00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:56,720
This is now officially the
weirdest moment of my entire life.
259
00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:58,200
No, it isn't! Stop saying that.
260
00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:00,400
I'm actually being really
cool about this.
261
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:01,600
About what?!
262
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:04,040
I would tell you, sweetheart,
if you gave me half a chance...
263
00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:05,200
Mum!
264
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:07,080
I found your condom in the sofa!
265
00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:08,560
OK.
266
00:10:08,560 --> 00:10:10,480
That isn't how I wanted to say that.
267
00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:13,640
Um, I'm not angry, OK?
268
00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:16,720
I think it's absolutely fantastic
that you're using protection... Mum.
269
00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:18,520
Yeah. I'm not having sex.
270
00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:21,080
Are you sure?
271
00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:22,320
Course I'm sure!
272
00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:24,000
Yes. OK, yeah.
273
00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:27,280
And you would tell me if you were?
274
00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:29,200
Oh, my God.
Why are you being so weird?!
275
00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:30,280
Georgie!
276
00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:32,800
Yes, fine! Whatever. Can we just
leave it now, please?!
277
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,080
Ugh!
278
00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:35,520
That was so weird.
279
00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:36,680
It wasn't weird.
280
00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:38,200
Yes, it was.
281
00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:41,920
DOOR SLAMS
282
00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:43,960
But if it wasn't your condom
then...
283
00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:45,480
PHONE DINGS, VIBRATES
284
00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:08,600
Mummy.
285
00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:28,360
WHISPERS: Are you awake, ChatGPT?
286
00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:30,560
CHATGPT: Yes, I'm here
and ready to help.
287
00:11:30,560 --> 00:11:32,360
OK. Good.
288
00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:33,720
Um...
289
00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:36,440
Hi, it's me, Anne.
First time user,
290
00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:39,400
and I'd just like to know
the best way
291
00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:44,200
to talk to my teenage son
about sex, please?
292
00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:45,440
Great question.
293
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:47,440
Don't make the talk
into a major event.
294
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:51,600
Instead, maybe try smaller,
more open conversations.
295
00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:53,480
Right. Yes, um...
296
00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:56,920
..and where would be the best place
for these conversations
297
00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:58,440
to take place?
298
00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:00,720
Why not have the conversation
whilst driving?
299
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,520
It can feel more organic,
and avoids eye contact,
300
00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:06,640
making it easier to discuss
intimate topics.
301
00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:09,840
Yes. Makes sense.
302
00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:10,880
Yeah.
303
00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:14,920
Good. That's a weight off my mind.
304
00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:21,880
Are you still there?
305
00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:23,080
Yes, Anne.
306
00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:24,880
Thank you, ChatGPT.
307
00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:26,640
I hope you sleep well, Anne.
308
00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:28,560
I will.
309
00:12:28,560 --> 00:12:29,720
Goodnight.
310
00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:31,120
Get your 40 winks.
311
00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:32,840
Yes.
312
00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:33,960
Night.
313
00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:41,080
ChatGPT, what's it like in
Vancouver, Canada?
314
00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:43,240
That's a great question, Anne.
315
00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:51,640
DOORBELL RINGS
316
00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:54,560
Apology, please.
317
00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:55,720
Sorry, Amanda.
318
00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:57,160
No, you say, "What for?"
319
00:12:57,160 --> 00:13:00,480
Well, experience has taught me
it's easier just to say it.
320
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:01,600
Well, you were wrong.
321
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:04,800
Someone has taken that cherished
sofa and given it a lovely new home.
322
00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:06,520
Oh.
323
00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:09,320
All right. Still leaves half
of Steptoe's front room, but, um...
324
00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:11,000
Don't be such a sour puss.
325
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,200
Is this your shit?
326
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:13,320
No.
327
00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:14,640
Disgusting, isn't it?
328
00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:16,560
Really brings down the area.
329
00:13:16,560 --> 00:13:18,760
Honestly, some people.
330
00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:20,400
SHE SIGHS
331
00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:23,880
Oh, hold the door, please!
332
00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:25,240
Ah. Mummy.
333
00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:27,200
Just picking up my charger.
334
00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:28,840
Anything else you didn't pick up?
335
00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:31,880
Um, hmm, well, maybe my hairbrush?
336
00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:33,160
No, Mummy.
337
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:36,360
I mean, did you and coffee man
have sex on my sofa the other night?
338
00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:39,680
Well, the kids were asleep,
so we thought, why not?
339
00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:41,440
Cos it's my sofa!
340
00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:43,920
Well, we didn't think
you'd find out.
341
00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:45,320
How did you find out?
342
00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:46,920
Because I found your condom!
343
00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:48,160
No, you didn't.
344
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:49,760
Mummy, I can assure you, I...
345
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:52,360
I don't use condoms.
346
00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:56,400
What?! Oh, my God!
Mummy, you should be using condoms.
347
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,360
This is about your sexual health.
348
00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:00,520
Just cos you're too old to get
pregnant, there's still...
349
00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:03,560
I'm not too old to get pregnant!
YOU'RE too old to get pregnant!
350
00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:05,680
No, I am not!
351
00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:09,320
How dare...
Listen, that is not the issue!
352
00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:12,080
The issue is, Mummy,
you're putting your health at risk.
353
00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:14,000
You could catch an STI.
354
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:15,760
Oh, look,
I don't have to listen to this.
355
00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:18,840
I'm not going to take sex advice
from my own daughter!
356
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:21,040
Honestly!
357
00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:23,360
I was having sex
before you were even born!
358
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,560
Of course you were!
That's how it works!
359
00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:29,040
DOOR SLAMS
360
00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:35,040
So, er...
361
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:38,480
How is everything? With Georgie.
362
00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:42,640
Or just, er, in general?
363
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:43,800
With Georgie.
364
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:45,440
Hmm? Yeah, fine.
365
00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:47,760
Right. OK. Yes.
366
00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:49,440
CAR HORN BEEPS
367
00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:51,600
Oh, God, did you see that there?
368
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:56,320
That BMW just tried to
slide into the hatched area.
369
00:14:56,320 --> 00:15:00,640
And I wasn't comfortable
with letting him into my...
370
00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:02,440
..hatched area.
371
00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:04,040
Um... And that's my right.
372
00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:08,280
Because it's very important
to respect the...
373
00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:09,520
..hatched area.
374
00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:10,960
Yeah, Dad just pulls out.
375
00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:13,320
Yeah, well, that method
doesn't always work!
376
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:20,920
Oh, God. Here, would you look?
377
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,360
The back wiper is stuck there.
378
00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:25,840
I'll just be... I'll be back
in a second.
379
00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:29,880
OK.
380
00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:33,680
INAUDIBLE
381
00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:46,880
OK.
382
00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:48,240
OK.
383
00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:53,840
So, everything going well
with Georgie?
384
00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:55,240
Yes, I said.
385
00:15:57,080 --> 00:16:01,400
You know, that kind of reminds me
of an experience that I had
386
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:05,280
that was quite similar to
your own current situation,
387
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:08,080
which was when I first started
dating your father.
388
00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:11,280
Now, we both started to develop
these urges,
389
00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:14,520
um, all completely natural,
of course,
390
00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:18,200
but a very raw, almost, um,
primal craving
391
00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:20,720
to explore a more
physical side of...
392
00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:22,120
Jesus!
393
00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:25,120
Darius!
394
00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:27,880
Darius!
395
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:30,720
Rise and shine, sleepy head.
396
00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:31,800
SHE GROANS
397
00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:34,640
So, I thought that we could take
Bobby for a walk along the canal
398
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:35,800
before football.
399
00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:38,640
We might run into Stephen and Chris.
Bobby loves Chris!
400
00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:39,720
Though he's up in his bum a lot.
401
00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:41,600
Please tell me Chris is a dog.
402
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:42,800
Yeah, a Mini Schnauze.
403
00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:44,600
And Stephen is a Maltipoo.
404
00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:46,480
What? He's always shitting?
405
00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:49,560
No. He's a Maltese terrier
crossed with a Poodle.
406
00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:51,320
OK, so we have the Crufts option,
407
00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:53,560
or - and hear me out here -
408
00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:56,120
we forget about the dog
and we lie in the bed
409
00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:59,280
till even our teenager
notices we're missing.
410
00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:02,080
Thing is,
if you forget about a big dog,
411
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:04,600
they tend to do things
like crap in the house.
412
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:06,520
Hmm. Morten!
413
00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:07,720
What?
414
00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:08,800
Can you walk the dog?
415
00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:11,080
No, he pulled me over outside
of Vantablack the other day
416
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:13,360
and Jake Phillips saw,
so I'm not doing it. You can.
417
00:17:13,360 --> 00:17:15,400
What's Vantablack?
Who's Jake Phillips?
418
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:16,720
How long have I been away?!
419
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:21,400
Bloody ages! Which is why we're
having a nice romantic day together,
420
00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:24,400
which starts with a walk
along the canal and a coffee.
421
00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:29,640
Fiona, I love you, but I literally
travelled for ALL of yesterday,
422
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:31,520
and until that clock says, "PM",
423
00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:35,080
me and this bed
are a single organism.
424
00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:36,320
Great.
425
00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:38,520
I guess that's me
walking Bobby then.
426
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:42,600
Grab me a latte!
SHE CHUCKLES
427
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,360
It wasn't theirs.
428
00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:50,160
The condom. You talked to Georgie?
Yep.
429
00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:52,640
Yeah, we had a real heart to heart.
430
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:53,960
Oh, thank goodness.
431
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:55,640
Darius ran a mile when I tried.
432
00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:57,080
SHE CHUCKLES
433
00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:58,320
An actual mile.
434
00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:01,160
With a quite a bruised thigh.
435
00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:04,320
Oh, er, flat white, whole milk,
and an espresso, please.
436
00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:06,360
I guess that's the difference
with daughters,
437
00:18:06,360 --> 00:18:08,240
you can just talk about
these things.
438
00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:10,600
Yeah, Georgie and I
tell each other everything.
439
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:15,120
We're more like best friends.
So, yeah, we talked.
440
00:18:15,120 --> 00:18:16,480
And cried.
441
00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:17,840
Then laughed.
442
00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:19,360
And then just...
443
00:18:19,360 --> 00:18:20,680
..hugged it out.
444
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:22,360
And it wasn't weird at all.
445
00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:24,480
Aww.
446
00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:26,160
Yeah. And they're definitely not...
447
00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:29,240
No, no. They've yet to enter
that phase of their relationship.
448
00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:32,920
Great. So I don't have to have
the chat with-with Darius?
449
00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:34,640
Of course you do, Anne!
450
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:37,840
They may not have done it yet,
but it's only a matter of time.
451
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:44,520
PHONE BEEPS
452
00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:46,520
Hi.
453
00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:48,160
It's Anne again.
454
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:52,520
My sex chat with my son
didn't exactly go very well.
455
00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:54,160
What else could I try, please?
456
00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:57,480
CHATGPT: Try looking for a natural
moment to engage with your teen.
457
00:18:57,480 --> 00:19:00,960
Like starting a conversation
based on a TV show you've both seen,
458
00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:03,360
or perhaps a book or a play.
Sorry, what's the Danish?
459
00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:05,440
The Danish are an ethnic group
renowned for...
460
00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:07,240
Oh, no, no, sorry. Not you.
..their high quality of life...
461
00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:12,680
CHUCKLING, INDISTINCT CHATTER
462
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:18,360
SHE GROANS
463
00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:19,560
Oh, thank you.
464
00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:21,800
Are you OK, Mummy?
465
00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:23,400
Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you.
466
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:26,080
Just, you look a bit uncomfortable,
downstairs.
467
00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:28,440
Because you know unsafe sex
leads to STIs.
468
00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:30,520
It's not an STI!
469
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:31,840
OK.
470
00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:33,960
And I'll thank you
not to make my sexual health
471
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:36,240
the subject of baseless
tittle-tattle!
472
00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:38,560
If I need medical advice,
I'll call a doctor.
473
00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:39,960
Good. Please do.
474
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:41,720
And he would doubtless reassure me
475
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:43,480
that the only irritation
I need to address
476
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:45,400
is 5'7" with blonde hair.
477
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:46,720
5'8".
478
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:50,160
So, whose rubber johnny was it then?
479
00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:51,600
I don't know.
480
00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:53,720
So, literally, a whodunnit.
481
00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:55,120
Shag-atha Christie.
482
00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:57,440
THEY LAUGH
Yes, thank you, Fi.
483
00:19:57,440 --> 00:19:58,680
It's not that funny, Mummy.
484
00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:00,800
So, darling, who's next on the list?
485
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,000
SHE GROANS
486
00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:08,040
KNOCKING ON DOOR
487
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,880
Yeah?
488
00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:11,400
Hey, brah.
489
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:12,560
HE SIGHS
490
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:14,800
Sweetheart, let's put that
away please.
491
00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:16,480
So...
492
00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:19,200
I was thinking maybe we could have
a little chat about something.
493
00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:20,680
What's happened? Is Gan-Gan dead?
494
00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:22,800
No. Why would it be that?
495
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,480
She drinks a lot of gin.
496
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:27,520
Would you like me
to speak to her about that?
497
00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:29,400
It's OK. I'll just start serving her
single measures.
498
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:31,440
Sorry, does she have you making...
OK.
499
00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:34,800
Sweetheart, there's something
I need to ask you, and this is going
500
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:37,160
to sound ridiculous,
but I just have to check, OK?
501
00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:38,600
I found a condom and...
502
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:40,920
Oh, God. Oh, God!
503
00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:43,000
Are you saying that it was...
504
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:46,440
I think I'm going to be sick.
505
00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:48,240
It wasn't my fault!
They made me do it!
506
00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:49,400
Wait, what? They?!
507
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:50,760
Ben nicked it off his brother.
508
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:52,520
We just wanted to see what
it looked like.
509
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:54,520
Mason blew it up.
We were just messing around!
510
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:55,720
Oh, Manus! Thank God!
511
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:58,640
Yeah?
Yes! That's OK!
512
00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:00,160
That's just fine, my darling!
513
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:04,120
Oh! Mwah! My sweet boy!
514
00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:06,840
Listen, it's completely natural
to be curious
515
00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:09,320
about these kind of things.
516
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:10,600
And, well...
517
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:13,080
..good to have that little
mystery solved.
518
00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:16,040
Though maybe don't leave things
like that lying around on the sofa.
519
00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:17,520
I flushed it down the toilet.
520
00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:20,920
DOORBELL CHIMES
521
00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:23,440
Amanda Hughes?
522
00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,480
Yes. What's this?
523
00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:27,240
Fixed penalty notice.
524
00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:28,360
For fly-tipping.
525
00:21:28,360 --> 00:21:29,960
Oh, no, no. None of that's mine.
526
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:31,400
Yeah, yeah, that might not be,
527
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:33,840
but there's a sofa in the park
that we believe is yours.
528
00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:35,440
In the park? Yeah.
529
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:37,120
Probably local kids took it there,
530
00:21:37,120 --> 00:21:38,560
or drug users.
531
00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:39,800
But since you left it outside...
532
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:41,640
What makes you think it was me?
533
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:44,120
The doorbell cam.
534
00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:45,200
From over the road.
535
00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:46,400
Pretty conclusive, eh?
536
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:47,960
Did they report me?
537
00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:49,720
Reports are anonymous.
538
00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:51,320
Well, it's clearly their doorbell.
539
00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:53,440
Reports are anonymous.
540
00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:02,240
๏ฟฝ400?! I can't afford ๏ฟฝ400!
541
00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:04,720
Then I'd get it shifted pronto.
542
00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:07,760
Cos it's going to be 200 quid more
if we have to put it in the van.
543
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:09,920
Have a good day.
HE CHUCKLES
544
00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:11,520
All right, boss?
545
00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:14,200
Yeah? All right.
546
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:20,960
Hop on it.
547
00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:23,000
Hiya! In here.
548
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:26,800
What's going on?
You've got your best clobber on.
549
00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:31,640
I'm taking you for lunch
at Miller & Fife,
550
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:33,440
for the best seafood of your life.
551
00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:34,760
If you weren't married to me.
552
00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:36,640
I've booked The Talbot.
On the river.
553
00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:39,160
Oh, we can go to the pub any day.
What about Bobby?
554
00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:41,840
Well, can't we get, whatshername,
to pop over?
555
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:43,560
Y'know, the one with all the kids.
556
00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:45,600
What, Anne?
She won't know how to settle him.
557
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:48,080
Oh, come on! She's raised
about a thousand children.
558
00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:50,440
Look, it's not the same thing, OK?
559
00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:52,080
OK, why are you being so pissy?
560
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:53,320
I'm not. Yeah, you are.
561
00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:56,120
I've seen actual piss less pissy
than you're being right now.
562
00:22:56,120 --> 00:22:58,880
I just think that you need to
consider the whole family
563
00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:01,040
a bit more when you're back here.
I mean, I'm sure it's different
564
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:02,800
when you're off on your cruise
or whatever, but...
565
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:04,120
I am not off on a cruise!
566
00:23:04,120 --> 00:23:06,760
I'm working my arse off
FOR my family.
567
00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:09,920
So you'll have to forgive me
if I want to do something more
568
00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:14,480
with my one day off than spending it
at the Caxton with a pie and a pint!
569
00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:18,400
It's called The Talbot and it serves
high-end Thai and doggy ice cream,
570
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:20,440
which Bobby and I
are very much looking forward to.
571
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:21,480
Come on, Bobby!
572
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:22,840
DOG WHINES
573
00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:24,640
Bobby, come!
574
00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:26,400
DOG GROANS
575
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:29,240
Fine!
576
00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:32,480
This is your fault.
577
00:23:34,360 --> 00:23:35,760
DOOR OPENS
578
00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:38,920
Darius?
579
00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:40,440
All right?
580
00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:42,200
Yes! Hi.
581
00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:44,480
Er, I was just about to watch
series one
582
00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:47,840
of Emmy award-winning
Netflix show Sex Education.
583
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:49,080
It's really good.
584
00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:51,560
Would you like to watch it with...
DOOR SLAMS
585
00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:58,080
ChatGPT...
586
00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:01,840
..am I good mother?
587
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:04,440
CHAT GPT: Just asking this question
shows you care deeply
588
00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:06,080
about your role as a mother.
589
00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:09,960
Good mothers are not perfect,
but you are doing a great job.
590
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:11,600
Thanks, ChatGPT.
591
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,160
AMANDA GRUNTS
592
00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:25,960
Need a hand?
593
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:27,440
No, thank you, Mal.
594
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:29,280
Only I've got the van just
parked there, so...
595
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:31,080
I'm fine, thank you, Mal.
596
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:34,200
Where are you taking it?
I don't know.
597
00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:38,920
I just don't get it, Mal.
It is a good sofa.
598
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:41,840
I really thought
someone would take it.
599
00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:43,920
Maybe this is its time, yeah?
600
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:45,160
SHE SIGHS
601
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:47,280
Come on. I'll take you to the tip.
602
00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:48,480
Thanks, Mal.
603
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:50,360
I'll get this end.
604
00:24:50,360 --> 00:24:52,360
Oh. Hang on. What's this?
605
00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:58,240
This condom expired six years ago.
606
00:24:58,240 --> 00:24:59,880
SHE GROANS
So?
607
00:24:59,880 --> 00:25:02,760
So either someone's using
very out-of-date condoms or...
608
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:05,960
What?
609
00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:08,320
Are you sure you've never had sex
on this sofa?
610
00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:09,480
Yes!
611
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:12,120
I have never had sex on this sofa!
612
00:25:12,120 --> 00:25:14,360
I mean, apart from the one time...
613
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:19,440
..my ex-husband and I...
614
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:26,000
It's Johnny's johnny.
615
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:27,920
We had break-up sex
in the living room
616
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:30,440
the day we signed our divorce.
HE LAUGHS
617
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:31,880
Come on.
618
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:33,440
SHE GROANS
619
00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:36,000
HE CHUCKLES
620
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:39,480
You've been sitting on your
ex-husband's condom for six years.
621
00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:41,240
Oh, God!
622
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:43,080
HE LAUGHS
623
00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:45,480
Can you not laugh?
This is very triggering.
624
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:52,760
Guys?
625
00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:11,640
I love you. I love you.
626
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:14,920
I love you, Mums.
627
00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:16,080
Love you, too.
628
00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:17,800
Love you, Morts.
629
00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:19,600
I love you, Bobby.
630
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:21,320
I love you, Bobby.
631
00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:26,440
DELLA SIGHS
632
00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:28,120
I love you, Bobby.
633
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:36,560
LOUD TOOT
634
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:38,680
Oh, Bobby!
635
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:40,880
God! Urgh! Oh, Mum!
FI LAUGHS
636
00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:43,080
Oh, what are you feeding it?
637
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:51,480
Darius?
638
00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:56,440
It's OK. I give up.
639
00:26:57,760 --> 00:27:02,240
This whole sex chat business,
it's a bloody minefield.
640
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:04,520
I was just trying to find
the right way to say...
641
00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:07,920
make sure you both want it,
use protection and no means no.
642
00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:11,800
But I don't know how a mam's
supposed to say that
643
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:13,080
to her 16-year-old son.
644
00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:15,000
I mean, you just sorta did.
645
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:16,440
And don't worry, yeah?
646
00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:18,680
Like, believe it or not,
I can be responsible.
647
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:22,040
I'm not going to be doing a
rusty trombone in the Asda car park.
648
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:23,520
All right? OK.
649
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:34,160
ChatGPT, what's a rusty trombone?
650
00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:36,280
CHATGPT: A rusty trombone
is a sex act
651
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:38,960
where a man stands with
his legs apart while his...
652
00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:43,400
This is the sofa I deserve.
653
00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:48,040
I think it's a sofa
for a bigger house.
654
00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:50,840
That's the plan, sweetie.
That's the plan.
655
00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:53,320
Yeah, I'm here. Let's team up
and kill Jacob, yeah?
656
00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:54,720
DOORBELL RINGS
657
00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:58,480
Oh, Manus, could you get that
before you murder your friend?
658
00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:00,760
FELICITY: Uh! I had to get
the Overground.
659
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:02,040
Hi, Gan-Gan. Mummy!
660
00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:03,120
Hello, darlings.
661
00:28:03,120 --> 00:28:04,400
Look at the sofa. No?
662
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:06,760
Just a minute
while I wash it off my hands. Mum.
663
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:08,320
I was thinking... Yes, sweetheart?
664
00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:10,000
..about what you said earlier.
665
00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:12,560
Me and Darius.
Darius and I, yes?
666
00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:13,920
Me and Darius.
667
00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:16,120
And while we're not ready yet,
668
00:28:16,120 --> 00:28:19,680
I was thinking,
maybe I should get some...
669
00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:21,800
..protection, just in case.
670
00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:24,840
I think that's a very good thought.
671
00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:26,640
I'll pick you up some condoms.
672
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:28,560
Thanks, Mum.
673
00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:30,960
And he's not allergic
to latex or anything?
674
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:35,440
Oh, my God! Why are you so weird?!
675
00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:37,000
I'm not weird!
676
00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:40,920
Well, you no longer need worry
about my downstairs.
677
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:43,720
I've just been to my lovely lady
in Harley Street... Mm?
678
00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:47,760
..and, just as I thought, it is not
a sexually transmitted infection.
679
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:50,160
Right. It is just fluid
around the hip joint,
680
00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:53,640
which is perfectly normal for a
healthy woman at my time of life.
681
00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:55,360
Ah...
682
00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:58,840
So, then, just a simple case
of old age.
683
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:00,920
Don't you dare!
684
00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:04,320
Listen, if anyone asks,
just say I've got the clap.
685
00:29:04,370 --> 00:29:08,920
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