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1
00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:34,880
Bernard,
there's another solicitor's letter.
2
00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:37,320
Put it with the others.
3
00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:46,280
Maybe you should read it.
4
00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:46,280
(SIGHS WEARILY)
5
00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:12,280
What is this?!
6
00:01:13,520 --> 00:01:17,840
Well,... the woman upstairs
wants £170 a month ground rent.
7
00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:20,280
She doesn't need any more money.
8
00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:25,200
She has all the blue hair and toffee
and pop socks a person could want.
9
00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:29,160
There's nothing you can do.
10
00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:29,160
Go and tell her... to stop.
11
00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:32,640
Or we'll cut the brakes
on her StairMaster.
12
00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:37,320
Got no time. I'm setting up
for the festival of travel writing.
13
00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:42,600
What festival?
14
00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:42,600
The one you said Manny could have.
15
00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:42,600
I don't remember agreeing.
16
00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:46,640
Remember that night last week
you slept in a revolving door?
17
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:53,360
No.
18
00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:53,360
Remember when you ran out of tobacco
so you smoked your pubic hair?
19
00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:56,960
Not especially, no.
20
00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:56,960
It was in-between those two.
21
00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:00,600
I've had an idea for your event.
22
00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:07,880
Great.
23
00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:07,880
Get everyone to vote
for what they think is
the most stylish city in Europe.
24
00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:12,320
Hm! (LAUGHS)
25
00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:12,320
At the end of the week you could...
26
00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:16,120
Huh, huh-huh.
27
00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:16,120
What?
28
00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:16,120
Oh, Europe!
29
00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:18,120
You are funny, Fran.
30
00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:21,600
I hardly think your jaunts to Europe
count as travel.
31
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,680
Well, pardon me.
32
00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:26,160
This isn't a festival for tourists.
33
00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:29,720
We've got an explorer coming in.
He's giving a talk.
34
00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:33,840
The legendary, famously charming
Jason Hamilton.
35
00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:36,040
Let's have a look, then.
36
00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:39,000
Every single blurb
says he's charming.
37
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:41,920
"I'm swept away on a wave of charm."
38
00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:46,040
"I was immolated in a firewall
of charm and charisma."
39
00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:51,920
"I almost exploded from the
concentration of charm on the page."
40
00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:54,160
I bet you I can open this anywhere
41
00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:58,680
and I'll find this fop
posing on a Jeep looking smug.
42
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,680
Ha ha ha!
43
00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:05,440
Can I see?
44
00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:07,560
Oh, God! Look at him!
45
00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:12,600
That love-me smile. I know his sort.
A full-time approval junkie.
46
00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:16,000
He's brilliant!
He's a giant in his field!
47
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:20,600
Manny, can I be the first
to say eeeeeuuuuurrrrrr!
48
00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:24,720
You gonna scratch his name
on your pencil box?
49
00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:32,560
Enough.
Manny, run me through this again.
50
00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:32,560
Right. Basically, there's
leaseholders and freeholders.
51
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:36,720
There's two types of leaseholder -
common-law leaseholder
52
00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:42,000
and there's private leaseholders,
which are...
53
00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:42,000
Stop! Stop saying those words!
54
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:44,320
Give me that, I'm going upstairs.
55
00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:48,200
I'll deal with this
like I deal with everything here.
56
00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:50,200
Everything!
57
00:03:56,320 --> 00:04:00,720
Hanley. Hanley, come out,
you bloodsucker. Hanley!
58
00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:07,240
Miss Hanley is dead.
59
00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:07,240
Huh?
60
00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:07,240
She died in the night.
61
00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:11,120
I don't care. I mean, how awful.
So you are the new owner.
62
00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:16,040
I'm a solicitor. Miss Hanley left
this flat to Mr Benson. He's inside.
63
00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:20,040
What did you want to query, Mr...?
64
00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:20,040
Black. I'll talk with him.
65
00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:24,760
I don't want legal fidgy-widgyness
upsetting natural justice.
66
00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:26,760
Benson! Benson! Benson!
67
00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:30,080
Where is he? Benson!
68
00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:34,760
Mr Benson is in the bread bin.
69
00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:34,760
I said no legal fidgy-widgyness.
70
00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:38,280
I want to see the owner,
I want to see them now, I want...
71
00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:40,760
(MEWS)
72
00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:46,120
He sleeps there.
What do you want to say to him?
73
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,320
I'm not paying this.
74
00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:54,280
If you don't, you'll go to prison.
75
00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:54,280
I'm not talking to you.
76
00:04:52,280 --> 00:04:54,280
Fine.
77
00:04:54,280 --> 00:05:00,960
If that's all you've got to say,
I've got a meeting.
78
00:04:56,080 --> 00:05:00,960
Who with? A canary in Canary Wharf?
A fox with stocks?
79
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:06,000
You can't leave an animal here,
he'll go insane.
80
00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:06,000
It's Miss Hanley's will, it's law.
81
00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:09,760
Yeah? Well, you don't intimidate me,
Miss... er...
82
00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:14,520
Purcell Harding Letouche MSc LLB...
MA DPhil... MBE,
83
00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:16,600
rowing blue, grade II listed.
84
00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:27,480
Right. Er... Hair... loose, loose.
85
00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:29,480
Free as the wind.
86
00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:31,480
Ponytail, ponytail?
87
00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:33,480
Frizzled.
88
00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:38,280
Oh.
89
00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:38,280
Expecting someone?
90
00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:38,280
Might be.
91
00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:45,120
It's that Jason thingy, isn't it?
92
00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:45,120
He said he might drop round
to see where he was doing his talk.
93
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:49,160
Let's have a sample, then.
94
00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:49,160
Don't touch the display!
95
00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:57,200
Manny, isn't it?
96
00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:04,560
The shop that time forgot! I thought
I'd been to all the uncharted areas
of the globe!
97
00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:07,840
This is great.
It's got bags of character.
98
00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:11,880
(SIMPERS)
99
00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:14,120
Uh huh huh huh huh.
100
00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:17,160
Hello, Jason.
It's lovely to meet you.
101
00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:21,640
I'm a great admirer of your work
and your life and...
102
00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:23,640
Hey, watch out! A crocodile!
103
00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:26,640
(LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)
Behind you, look!
104
00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:30,480
It's not really, it's
an inflatable one I put up there.
105
00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:32,800
Just a little one.
106
00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:36,040
(GIGGLES FRANTICALLY)
107
00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:46,080
So! So, um, wh-wh-where are you
going on your next adventure?
108
00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:48,280
I thought maybe Borneo.
109
00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:51,200
The real Borneo,
not the jungle nonsense.
110
00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:57,400
I want to see the ice caves
under the jungle.
111
00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:57,400
I tell you where you should go -
Venezuela.
112
00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,600
Dear old Venny. Been there?
113
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:01,800
Oh, yes. I have, actually.
114
00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:05,320
I went kayaking in the swamps
of the Baracas.
115
00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:09,920
Hm. Weird. North or south?
116
00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:09,920
North.
117
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,920
Very nice. The tourist swamps.
118
00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:13,600
I went to the south.
The south are the real swamps.
119
00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:18,920
The northern ones are pretty swampy.
120
00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:18,920
They're nothing.
121
00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:22,760
So, Jason, this talk, erm...
122
00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:25,720
How do you want to do it?
123
00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:29,800
Hi. How's it going there?
124
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,800
It's too soon to tell if I like it.
125
00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:35,680
Yeah. I know exactly what you mean.
126
00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:35,680
I won't find out if I keep
being interrupted, will I?
127
00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:45,400
Someone like you would love Magumbe.
128
00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:45,400
How can you know? I might hate it.
129
00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:49,960
I don't think so. They all worship
a goddess remarkably like you.
130
00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:55,280
A sort of panther woman.
Same pale skin, thick jet hair,
slumberous eyes.
131
00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:58,840
For a minute I thought
I was right back at the temple.
132
00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:01,080
(GIGGLES COYLY)
133
00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:18,480
Bernard. Can you explain to Fran
that I'm looking after Jason
134
00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:24,320
and he doesn't appreciate her
trying to flirt with him.
135
00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:24,320
Shh!
136
00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:24,320
↑ MIAOW
137
00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:29,400
Hear that? He's up there mewing
in the nerve centre of his empire.
138
00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:32,160
A rent hike here, a tax dodge there.
139
00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:35,480
He sticks his leg in the air,
laughs his cat laugh
140
00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:37,840
and dives back to grooming his balls.
141
00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:45,760
You can't hear that, surely?
142
00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:45,760
I've heard enough. OK for you,
flouncing about after Captain Pants.
143
00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:50,960
You don't know
what I go through with this cat.
I hate him! I hate all cats!
144
00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:55,240
Probably you're a dog person.
Why don't we get a dog for the shop?
145
00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:59,000
I hardly think so. The one we have
doesn't do much for me.
146
00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:01,400
We don't have a dog... Ooh! Ooh!
147
00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:16,000
What's he like, then?
This overgrown schoolboy?
148
00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:24,000
Nobody's told him Britain doesn't own
the world any more, obviously.
149
00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:24,000
Don't talk about Jason in that way.
150
00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:24,000
He's magnificent.
151
00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:26,520
I see he got to you pretty quick.
152
00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:31,040
Hey.
153
00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:31,040
Jason!
154
00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:31,040
Hi, Jase!
155
00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:34,840
Just thought I'd pop into
my favourite book emporium.
156
00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:37,360
Dr Black, I presume?
157
00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:41,640
You don't look like an explorer to me
158
00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:46,600
You look like you've been exploring
luxury hotels for quite some time.
159
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:53,240
What did you write about that?
The Cote d'Azur, one man's struggle
with 100% Egyptian cotton sheets.
160
00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:56,000
Bernard, you got a fine shop here.
161
00:09:56,000 --> 00:10:02,040
You're not afraid
to say what you feel.
I'd like to shake you by the hand.
162
00:10:10,560 --> 00:10:15,400
Do sit down. There's my chair.
Do you want to sit in that?
163
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:15,400
Thanks.
164
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:21,080
You didn't even make him any tea!
Would you like some tea?
165
00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:27,280
Wonderful. Thank you.
166
00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:27,280
I was going to make tea!
167
00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:27,280
So was I!
168
00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:27,280
It'll be ready in a minute.
169
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:40,720
Nice cups!
170
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:45,720
Biscuits!
171
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:49,680
Nice biscuits.
172
00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:53,120
My biscuit.
Jason can have my biscuit.
173
00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:59,320
Aha!
174
00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:02,320
Ah!
175
00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:04,320
Oho!
176
00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:24,720
Aha! Oh!
177
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:29,400
The biscuit!
Jason's special biscuit!
178
00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:32,040
Right! You thing!
179
00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:35,520
That's it! Say goodbye, Mr Benson,
180
00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:38,960
you have just pulled
the tinkly bell of death!
181
00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:51,480
You had dust on your knees.
182
00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:51,480
Thank you, Fran.
183
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:56,800
All set for the talk?
184
00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:56,800
I am.
185
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:56,800
Everything all right?
186
00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:56,800
Absolutely fine.
187
00:11:56,800 --> 00:12:02,400
There is one little thing.
188
00:11:58,560 --> 00:12:02,400
Yes?
189
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:02,400
Don't want to sound weird.
It's a small thing.
190
00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:05,920
You are standing rather close.
191
00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:05,920
Oh!
192
00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:12,560
Is this all right?
193
00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:12,560
That's a bit... No, that's fine.
194
00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:12,560
Excuse me. Are you Jason Hamilton?
195
00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:14,760
Get away from him!
196
00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:18,240
Can't you see
he doesn't want people crowding him?
197
00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:20,240
Just get out! You're barred!
198
00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:22,920
So sorry, Jason.
199
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,560
Now, wanted to chat to you two.
200
00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:32,920
I've got this trip to Borneo
for the next book.
201
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:38,360
It's more rewarding
if you have someone to journey with,
a companion.
202
00:12:38,560 --> 00:12:41,960
Now, Manny,
I know you've travelled a lot.
203
00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:44,480
Isn't Fran the perfect companion?
204
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:51,120
But-But-But...
205
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:51,120
Fran, I don't expect you to say
yes or no straightaway.
206
00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:51,120
Yes!
207
00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:55,800
No! You don't want this -
no offence, Fran - mopsy!
208
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:59,600
You need someone
with a few miles under their belt.
209
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:02,640
You need a... a man -
or a woman - but a man!
210
00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:08,200
A seasoned traveller,
a man who's got a penknife
and emergency backup penknife.
211
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:12,080
Yeah. Maybe you underestimate
your friend, Manny.
212
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:16,520
Now, Fran, would you say
you had jungle experience,
213
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:20,400
bearing in mind
it could be handy on this trip?
214
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:25,080
Does Corfu count?
215
00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:25,080
You've been to Corfu?
216
00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:28,600
Anything else?
217
00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:28,600
I'm a trained field doctor.
218
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:33,400
And I can fix a Jeep in a hurricane.
And I can speak 32 African languages
219
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:38,640
Excellent.
Borneo is of course in Asia.
220
00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:38,640
Yes. Yes. 32 Asian languages.
221
00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:43,160
Splendid. That's settled, then.
Manny, you're doing it again.
222
00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:57,920
So, let me guess. Mice.
223
00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:04,200
No. Wait. You've got cockroaches.
224
00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:04,200
Yeah, we do, but don't touch them.
It would upset the bat.
225
00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:06,400
Listen.
226
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:09,480
I want you to deal with this...
thing.
227
00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:13,520
It's a really horrible thing,
I can't even really describe it.
228
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:17,200
Essentially it's a cat.
229
00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:17,200
Why not take him to the cattery?
230
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:20,720
No. Look - I want you... you know,
to, er...
231
00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:22,720
(WHISTLES)
232
00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:27,760
I want you to take care of business
with this cat, OK?
233
00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:34,160
Can I make it any clearer than that?
234
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:34,160
You could, actually.
235
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:34,160
Well, OK.
He dies tonight, how about that?
236
00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:37,320
No. I could never harm a cat.
237
00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:42,920
Come on, you're a pest guy,
you kill things for a living.
238
00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:42,920
Not animals. Only vermin.
239
00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:49,280
I love animals. I'm trying to
save money to go to vet school.
240
00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:49,280
Yeah, but, you know, it's one cat.
241
00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:51,880
It's nothing. Bada bing, bada wiaow!
242
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:57,080
You disgust me. An innocent little
creature like that. Goodbye.
243
00:14:57,280 --> 00:14:59,280
A grand.
244
00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:02,320
A thousand pounds. In cash.
245
00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:04,320
You'd be out of this stuff.
246
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:07,880
Tomorrow you'd be giving an aardvark
a skin graft.
247
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,440
You wouldn't even like this cat.
248
00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:14,840
Nobody does. He's a bully.
He sprays everywhere.
249
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:17,480
He's up there now
out of his mind on nip.
250
00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:19,480
Nobody needs to know.
251
00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:22,600
OK. Bring a bag and bleach
252
00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:25,120
and three tins of Royal Miaow.
253
00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:33,240
Fran.
254
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:34,880
Mm?
255
00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:38,920
I'd like to have a word with you.
As a friend, you understand.
256
00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:41,080
I think Jason... might want you
257
00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:44,920
as something more than
just a travelling companion,
258
00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:48,960
if you... follow me.
259
00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:52,440
If you get my meaning.
260
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:55,920
If you... catch my drift.
261
00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:04,080
We might have to, due to cramped
conditions and surrounding dangers,
262
00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:08,600
we'd have to... Oh, goodness!
263
00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:08,600
Yes. Bunk up.
264
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,760
Together.
265
00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:15,480
You know what that means?
266
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,480
I don't need to bring sleeping gear.
267
00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:18,520
Too hot to hawk around
two shag bags. Thanks.
268
00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:22,880
Oh! You're just doing it for kicks!
269
00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:26,080
It's my one chance
to trek with my hero!
270
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:28,280
Oh, Manny.
271
00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:33,560
It really does mean a lot to you,
doesn't it?
272
00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:33,560
It was the point of me being born.
273
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:35,760
I know.
274
00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:39,560
But he picked me!
275
00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:50,400
Another canape, Jason?
276
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:50,400
Thanks. Can we make a start?
277
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:52,400
Oh! Right! Yes.
278
00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:54,840
BUZZ OF CONVERSATION
279
00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:58,440
So.
280
00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:00,360
OK. Um...
281
00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:03,480
Welcome...
282
00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:07,880
to Black Books.
283
00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:13,560
And now,
who do we have for you today?
284
00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:17,760
Someone who is
to travel and adventure...
285
00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:22,120
but while he was waiting he got me!
286
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:27,960
Sorry, sorry. Got a mix-up there.
287
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:29,840
Wait, sorry.
288
00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:33,840
Er... Yes, then it was going
to be a joke and an anecdote.
289
00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:38,200
And another joke. Quite a good one,
actually, about rice.
290
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,680
OK. Right. So.
291
00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:46,840
Without further ado,
please welcome Jason...
292
00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:50,840
APPLAUSE
293
00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:50,840
..Hamilton.
294
00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:52,840
Thank you. Thanks.
295
00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:55,160
It's a pleasure to be in London.
296
00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:59,320
I've just come back from
an expedition to the Orinoco basin,
297
00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:03,040
the only place you'll find
the bearded howler monkey.
298
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:08,400
Or so I thought,
until I came here, and met Manny.
299
00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:12,800
(LAUGHS WEAKLY)
300
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:19,160
CRASHING
301
00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:22,480
EERIE JUNGLE MUSIC
302
00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:31,280
He's not here. I'm going home.
303
00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:31,280
Wait, wait. Sit down.
304
00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:43,440
He won't come. He knows.
Cats have got a sixth sense.
305
00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:43,440
Shut up! Here.
306
00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:45,680
He's a cat.
307
00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:47,680
He doesn't have anything.
308
00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:52,920
This won't work. They'll find out.
309
00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:56,840
Relax. Just pop him when he comes in.
I'll take care of the body.
310
00:18:57,040 --> 00:19:02,560
What are you gonna do with it?
311
00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:02,560
Put a knife in his back
and leave him slumped over the desk.
312
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:04,760
Watch the flap.
313
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:08,520
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
314
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:12,400
Thanks. So, what about
the next trip? I'll be going to -
315
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:14,400
Fran, if you please -
316
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:19,920
Borneo, one of the last
great wildernesses on earth.
317
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:22,000
We'll be attempting to... Yeah?
318
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:26,960
Erm, yah, your books read like
imperialistic tracts.
319
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:31,720
Do you really think you can anatomise
a whole culture in a few pages?
320
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:38,120
What's your name?
321
00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:38,120
Bridget.
322
00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:38,120
Bridget, inevitably I write
from a Western perspective.
323
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:44,840
That's enough questions for now.
324
00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:44,840
Stick around
and we'll talk it over after.
325
00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:44,840
I'd love to! (GIGGLES)
326
00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:47,480
(STILL GIGGLING)
327
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:53,080
For now, I'd like to show you all
the effects of mud erosion
328
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:55,760
on a primitive office block. Fran?
329
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:03,440
It never goes away, the guilt.
330
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:07,720
Mice in wedding dresses
appear in your dreams.
331
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:12,240
Whole families of roaches
stand there in silent accusation.
332
00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:14,800
Would you shut up? He'll hear us.
333
00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:16,800
MIAOWING
334
00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:25,720
CAT FLAP SQUEAKS
335
00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:31,560
Now, come on.
336
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:33,560
I can't!
337
00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:35,760
Come on! He wants you to shoot him!
338
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:40,680
What am I?
339
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:43,400
What have I become?
340
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:49,760
(SCREAMS)
341
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:54,400
CRASH
342
00:20:55,360 --> 00:20:57,880
(TUTS)
343
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:01,880
Here, kitty. Kitty, kitty.
344
00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:07,000
And this, this...
345
00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:07,000
GUNSHOT, MIAOW
346
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:07,000
..is where
347
00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:07,000
GUNSHOTS
348
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:10,000
Manny, can we do
something about the noise?
349
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:15,200
I'll sort it out.
350
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:15,200
Leave it to me, Jason!
351
00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:15,200
I'm dealing with it, Manny.
352
00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:15,200
I'll do it, Jason! Oop!
353
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,400
Me first! Me first!
354
00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:21,720
Bernard!
355
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:25,000
MIAOW
356
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:25,000
GUNSHOT, GLASS BREAKS
357
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,520
Bernard, stop. Jason is annoyed.
358
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:29,760
Bugger Jason.
359
00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:34,280
Actually, how is he?
360
00:21:31,120 --> 00:21:34,280
Come downstairs and apologise.
Right now!
361
00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:36,800
OK!
362
00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:40,920
He's not really, really mad at me,
is he?
363
00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:53,840
(SIGHS) Look what you've done!
Didn't even get to find him a taxi.
364
00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:57,800
Must have left a note for me.
We're leaving tomorrow.
365
00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:05,520
Nobody move.
366
00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:11,280
Bernard.
I think we should talk about this.
367
00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:16,880
OK. Sure, we'll talk about it.
368
00:22:13,360 --> 00:22:16,880
Good.
369
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:16,880
Right after I kill the cat!
370
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:18,880
CLICKS, GUNSHOT
371
00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:28,800
So, you admit you deliberately
stepped in front of the bullet.
372
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:34,440
Yes.
373
00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:34,440
And wantonly sprayed blood
from your head all over the shop.
374
00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:40,360
Before wasting time writhing around
on an emergency operating table.
375
00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:43,760
Sign here. No wages for seven years.
376
00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:47,560
If it wasn't for you,
that cat would be where he belongs -
377
00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:49,800
in hell, being chased by giant mice.
378
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:54,480
I can't believe Jason went off with
that harpy. Have you read this?
379
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:58,520
"Sorry, Fran,
you didn't have enough experience."
380
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:03,240
"Never mind, I'm sure Bridget will
turn out to be very handy indeed."
381
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:08,480
I can't believe we fell for him,
Manny. Charm? Pfoof!
382
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:12,920
I saw through him straightaway.
I played along to confuse him.
383
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:21,000
Enough! Tea! Who's making the tea?
384
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:21,000
Make it yourself.
385
00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:21,000
Yeah. I won't do anything
for anyone again.
386
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:24,880
I'm not thinking about Jason
or what he's doing now.
387
00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:28,960
I've spent my whole time not
thinking about him since he left.
388
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:36,720
< Oh, I wish I could have
a cup of tea.
389
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:36,720
Oh, for God's... Oh!
390
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:36,720
Make it yourself. Oh!
391
00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:43,240
I'll get the tea!
392
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:43,240
No, I will. Right away, Jason...
393
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:43,240
(BOTH GIGGLE COYLY)
394
00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:06,320
Intelfax Subtitles
ALEXA DALBY
28795
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