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1
00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:38,080
Smoking makes you dead.
2
00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:40,680
It means you get all black inside,
3
00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:44,680
and swell up like a whale
and explode in hospitals.
4
00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:49,040
Daddy says criminals
and bad people smoke.
5
00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:49,040
Timmy?
6
00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:53,080
He's not bothering you, is he?
7
00:00:49,680 --> 00:00:53,080
No, but I don't allow
ice cream in the shop.
8
00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:58,200
I don't have an ice cream.
9
00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:58,200
I think Timmy's telling
a naughty fib.
10
00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:01,560
Oh, for goodness' sake!
11
00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:04,760
Outside, now! No books for you.
12
00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:11,560
I'm so sorry.
13
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:11,560
Not at all.
14
00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:11,560
'"My, what a lovely carrot"
said the hippo.'
15
00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:15,240
'"But is it organic?"
said the rabbit in a squeaky voice.'
16
00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:19,560
Oh, sorry. (SQUEAKILY)
'"But is it organic?" said the...'
17
00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:23,960
(SIGHS) Bernard. Bernard.
18
00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:27,640
What?
19
00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:27,640
It's hot in the worm.
20
00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:33,440
Can I have a break?
21
00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:33,440
You could, but you'd shatter
the magic for the children, so no.
22
00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:37,440
'"No, it's not organic"
23
00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:40,720
'"I don't want it, then"
said the fussy rabbit.'
24
00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:44,200
Ow. Ow! Look, it's a real beard,
I've told you!
25
00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:49,560
Right, I'm finished. They're gonna
pick me up for the hen night,
26
00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:53,640
we're going to a big house
in the country. It'll be brilliant!
27
00:01:53,840 --> 00:02:01,360
Not if your night begins with
the word "hen", the prefix of doom.
28
00:01:57,560 --> 00:02:01,360
It'll be great!
All the school gang back together.
29
00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:08,960
You hated school, it was terrible.
30
00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:08,960
I've never said that.
31
00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:08,960
No need. I just look at your life
and work backwards.
32
00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:16,320
Bernard.
33
00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:16,320
You haven't finished, worm!
What happened to the rabbit?
34
00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:16,320
He... starved to death. The end.
35
00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:20,720
I could write a better kids' book
than this. This stuff is awful.
36
00:02:20,920 --> 00:02:25,680
Pretty pictures, simple stories,
something the tykes can enjoy.
37
00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:30,600
Then they could see the film, get
the stickers, play the X-Box game.
38
00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:33,920
It'll be my gift
to childrenkind everywhere.
39
00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:39,080
Everyone thinks they could write
a children's book. It's not easy.
40
00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:39,080
They go for any old rubbish.
41
00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:48,080
Children are very discerning.
42
00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:48,080
No, they're not. We could crank out
any old gumph and they'd lap it up.
43
00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:48,080
Not gumph, let's write a classic.
44
00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:53,920
You and me, together!
45
00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:53,920
You two could never do it.
46
00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:53,920
We could, before you even get back!
47
00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,000
OK. I'm back tomorrow.
48
00:02:56,080 --> 00:03:01,200
A million billion pounds says
you'll have nothing to show me.
49
00:02:57,600 --> 00:03:01,200
Let's make it interesting
and say 50.
50
00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:07,760
OK.
51
00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:07,760
And another 50 says you have the
most appalling night of your life.
52
00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:14,240
Oh, Fran, you forgot your bag!
53
00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:24,160
Look, there it is!
54
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,160
Fantastic! God!
55
00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:30,960
Let's make a huge dinner.
56
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:30,960
No, I don't wanna eat! Much later!
57
00:03:27,920 --> 00:03:30,960
Yeah, yeah! Come on, come on!
58
00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:33,360
(ALL WHOOP HAPPILY)
59
00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,160
Now. Booze!
60
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,880
Oh. Is that enough?
61
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:48,720
Oh, great, we've got loads!
62
00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:51,600
BOTTLES MEET TABLETOP
63
00:03:57,040 --> 00:04:00,440
Did you bring anything else,
Dr Death?
64
00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:03,680
Just this.
65
00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:08,680
Oh, God. Life Cry.
66
00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:08,680
I haven't seen that
since our school reunion.
67
00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:12,160
You always know
you're in for a good night
68
00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:16,120
when there's a polar bear
bleeding... on the label.
69
00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:23,600
Manny, it's been hours,
we haven't written anything.
70
00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:26,360
You're not pulling your weight.
71
00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:30,440
Manny. Agree with me
when I'm talking to you!
72
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,200
Manny?
73
00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:43,920
Manny!
74
00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:43,920
Hello?
75
00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:46,760
Back in the worm.
76
00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:51,880
I don't want to go back in the worm.
77
00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:51,880
Back in the worm!
78
00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:51,880
I've been ready to write for ages!
79
00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:54,080
I've been waiting for you!
80
00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:58,840
I've been waiting for you.
81
00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:58,840
Well, I'm ready.
82
00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:01,440
So let's start, then, come on!
83
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,680
(CLEARS THROAT)
84
00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:35,320
We should do some research!
85
00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:35,320
Yes, we have to know
what we're up against!
86
00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:37,640
Yes! Here we go.
87
00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:43,800
(CLEARS THROAT, MUMBLES)
88
00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:47,120
(SNIGGERS) Look at...
89
00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:50,640
I hadn't realised
the competition was this bad.
90
00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:55,720
This is drivel! Ball, duck, umbrella.
On and on it goes.
91
00:05:56,120 --> 00:06:04,560
With no hint of plot.
92
00:05:58,120 --> 00:06:04,560
It's just as well we looked at these.
Now we know how easy it's gonna be.
93
00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:04,560
Yeah.
94
00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:07,080
All right, then. Get that...
95
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:28,960
I don't think we can do this until
we've thought a bit about children.
96
00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:28,960
Absolutely. Let us consider...
97
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:32,840
..the modern child.
98
00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:32,840
Yes.
99
00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:35,120
What do they want in a book?
100
00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:40,720
Who cares? We'll have to write
for ourselves as children.
101
00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:45,600
When innocence was legal,
when summers seemed to go on forever.
102
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:50,160
A-And you'd cycle miles just
to tell a friend you'd seen a frog.
103
00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:54,600
When you could play in
your back yard with any old thing.
104
00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:58,800
All I needed was a...
was a breeze block,
105
00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:02,200
and a... and a bit of an old bone.
106
00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:09,280
I bet you could make whole worlds
with just those.
107
00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:09,280
I could! One minute
I'd be laying siege to a castle
108
00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:13,160
with a bit of old bone on top there,
and the next minute
109
00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:17,840
I'd be setting sail on a Spanish
galleon towards a breeze block.
110
00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:20,360
Mm. Come on, let's start!
111
00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:22,640
Yes. Right.
112
00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:26,440
Here we go.
113
00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:40,440
I'm so happy for you
and your lovely fiance...
114
00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:43,240
Mark.
115
00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:43,240
MOANS >
116
00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:47,400
Now. Speeches.
117
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:50,120
Now, Becky... (SLURRED) I love you.
118
00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:53,440
Oh...
119
00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:53,440
Don't interrupt!
120
00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:56,880
Look, we have known each other
for a long time.
121
00:07:56,960 --> 00:08:01,880
(BURPS)
122
00:07:57,640 --> 00:08:01,880
But what's time? There's
no such thing, there's only love.
123
00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:05,280
Aw.
124
00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:05,280
DON'T... INTERRUPT!
125
00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:09,160
I love you... all the time. Yeah.
126
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:13,120
And I'd... like to say...
127
00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:13,120
No. Brides don't say.
128
00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:19,760
Brides... eat cake.
129
00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:19,760
(MOANS PLEASURABLY)
130
00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:24,880
(ALL CHEER)
131
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:29,080
# BANANARAMA: Venus
132
00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:29,080
Bamanaramra!
133
00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:32,040
# Burning like a silver flame
134
00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:35,680
# The summit of beauty and love
135
00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:38,920
# And Venus was her name
136
00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:41,040
# She's got it... #
137
00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:45,600
Manny Blanco - nul points. My go.
138
00:08:45,680 --> 00:08:47,680
PHONE RINGS
139
00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:49,760
"# Bananarama"
140
00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:51,480
Heeeeeey!
141
00:08:51,680 --> 00:08:53,200
Oh, hello.
142
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:58,520
Thought you'd want to hear the sound
of four girls having the best time.
143
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:01,080
CHEERING
144
00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:04,960
Yeah,
I bet you're crying on the inside.
145
00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:08,880
How's the book coming?
146
00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:08,880
Er, brilliant, really very well.
147
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:14,600
Come on, Fran, come and dance.
148
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:14,600
I'm just listening to Bernard lying.
149
00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:20,120
Remember - £100, and I want cash,
not forged book tokens this time!
150
00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:23,240
# BANANARAMA
151
00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:23,240
Becky, tell me you're happy!
152
00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:25,800
I'm so happy, any more would be bad!
153
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:31,480
Well, it gets better.
For now is the time... for Life Cry!
154
00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:35,520
No, Fran, no more.
155
00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:35,520
Yes, and we shall play a game.
156
00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:39,760
No. No games.
157
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:39,760
GAME!
158
00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:39,760
MUSIC STOPS
159
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:44,040
Remember this? It's time
for a nice game of... truth.
160
00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:51,280
Oh, I hate that.
161
00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:51,280
Oh. Maybe you'll enjoy it more
after another bit of cake.
162
00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:51,280
No. No more cake, please.
163
00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:54,920
Games! (SLAMS TABLE)
Cake! Booze! TRUTH!
164
00:09:56,320 --> 00:10:00,520
We can't let her win.
Come on, to work.
165
00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:00,520
Right, right.
166
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:04,080
OK, OK.
167
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:04,080
OK, here we go, here we go. Er...
168
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:06,360
Book... for...
169
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,960
Kids.
170
00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:14,160
Let's get some ideas bouncing around,
sort of go crazy. No... No rules.
171
00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:17,920
Sort of anything goes.
172
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:17,920
NOT ANYTHING GOES! I SAID NO RULES!
173
00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:28,000
Hit me, hit me.
174
00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:28,000
Right! Something... with a... a fox!
175
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:31,000
No.
176
00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:37,160
Right! Er... Ah! Ah!
What about a... London pigeon?
177
00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:41,760
No, no, no, that's terrible,
that makes me cringe, no. No, no.
178
00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:44,720
Oh, it's something, no, you know...
179
00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:50,560
How about a mouse? Now we're getting
somewhere. I'm writing down "mouse"!
180
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:56,960
Now, who is this mouse?
Where is he from? Where is he going?
181
00:10:57,080 --> 00:11:00,920
Where does he live?
182
00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:00,920
Er, he lives... He lives, erm...
183
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:07,120
This had better be good,
this had better be perfect.
184
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:07,120
He lives... in... a... bottle bank!
185
00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:12,760
Oh-ho! Brilliant! Fabulous!
186
00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:16,360
And he-he-he... plays the trombone!
187
00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:21,840
Keep going! Keep going!
188
00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:21,840
And he... he only eats... licorice!
189
00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:24,560
This is solid gold! Solid gold!
190
00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:27,960
His best friend is a... panda!
191
00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:30,200
NO! NO! NO!
192
00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:35,680
AWFUL! BILGE! CHILD'S POISON!
193
00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:39,840
You... Stay away from the story,
I'll deal with the plot.
194
00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:43,520
You can... do pictures
as I hand you the pages.
195
00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:46,480
Something bright and idiotic.
196
00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:50,560
And I will co-write this...
with myself!
197
00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:56,240
KEYS SNAP WILDLY
198
00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:56,240
Hah! Huh?
199
00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:58,800
(CHUCKLES HAPPILY)
200
00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:06,560
THAT'S RUBBISH!
201
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,560
START AGAIN!
202
00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:26,560
(MOUTHS)
203
00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:29,560
So, what do you think?
204
00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:32,360
It's, erm... It's brilliant.
205
00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:37,400
Erm, might be a little long
at 1,030 pages.
206
00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:42,680
We could lose about 1½ pages from
that sequence in the summer house,
207
00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:47,320
but the rest is totally essential.
208
00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:47,320
The plot's, erm... interesting.
209
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,800
Erm, might be a bit complex
for the 3 to 6s.
210
00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:54,640
It couldn't be simpler!
There's the academic
211
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:59,920
who survived the Stalinist purges and
is having flashbacks to that time.
212
00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:03,680
His daughter,
whose bitter marriage is collapsing,
213
00:13:03,680 --> 00:13:08,960
and the journalist who suspects the
academic wasn't in Russia at the time
214
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:16,400
who falls in love with the daughter
and sacrifices his career to become
a lens grinder in Omsk. I mean...
215
00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:20,840
What's wrong? I don't think
we should talk down to children.
216
00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:25,040
Bernard, it's brilliant, i-it is.
It's so good. I mean...
217
00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:30,280
I'm very excited about how excited
everybody will be when they see it.
218
00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:35,800
It is exciting. I just have two
teeny weeny suggestions for changes.
219
00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:42,760
Which are?
220
00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:42,760
Well, (CLEARS THROAT)
instead of the, er...
221
00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:46,480
academic and
the journalist's daughter, erm,
222
00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:50,400
perhaps it could be about
an... elephant.
223
00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:54,000
An elephant?
224
00:13:54,560 --> 00:13:56,560
That's right.
225
00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:58,760
I see.
226
00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:06,720
What's your other suggestion?
227
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:06,720
Er, instead of the Stalinist purges,
the divorce and the investigation,
228
00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:11,400
erm, it could be about...
losing a balloon.
229
00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:20,400
An elephant who loses his balloon?
230
00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:22,480
That's it.
231
00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:31,400
But it would still be my story,
in essence, my vision.
232
00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:31,400
Oh, yes, completely.
233
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:37,360
Yes, all right,
let's do that, then, come on!
234
00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:46,360
Oh, look, it's me again.
235
00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:50,400
Here's one. Tanya.
I told Hugh Conte, remember,
236
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:54,000
that you were the one...
who gave him crabs.
237
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:57,760
You wouldn't do that.
238
00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:01,960
Why did you do that?!
239
00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:05,320
He was really itchy!
240
00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:10,040
(CACKLES)
241
00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:12,680
Who's next?!
242
00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:15,560
I can't believe you kissed my dad.
243
00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:20,600
Why didn't you tell us you were the
one stealing clothes from college?
244
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:27,720
We were freaked out!
245
00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:27,720
I was young.
246
00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:27,720
D'you still have my polka-dot dress?
247
00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:27,720
No, I made it into toilet curtains.
248
00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:33,960
As we're playing truth, Fran,
I think you're a bit jealous.
249
00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:38,560
That's why you got us pissed
and made us play your stupid games,
250
00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:45,240
to bring us down to your level.
251
00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:45,240
What am I jealous of?
252
00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:45,240
Well, I've got a career.
253
00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:45,240
I've got a job and a family.
254
00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:52,320
(BLOWS)
255
00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:52,320
I'm getting married.
256
00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:52,320
And you... are still...
257
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:56,760
the same old... Auntie Millicent.
(GUFFAWS SILENTLY)
258
00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:59,760
W-Who's Auntie Millicent?
259
00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:02,160
She's what we used to call you...
260
00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:05,560
cos we knew you'd turn
into a crazy spinster!
261
00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:12,720
And you have, really. Hanging out
with the two freaks at the book shop
262
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:19,760
It was, wasn't it? Auntie Millicent
who lived in the crooked house.
263
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:21,840
With loads of cats.
264
00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:26,840
That's right! Purple cats,
and you had sex with them all!
265
00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:30,040
(HOOTS WITH LAUGHTER)
266
00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:36,000
At least I didn't have
a threesome with Mark
on the night of the school reunion.
267
00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:39,000
Oh dear, did I just say that(?)
268
00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:43,560
Becky, we were going to tell you.
269
00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:47,880
Obviously, we were going
to tell you,... just not like this.
270
00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:53,520
So what now, Fran? You could've
just kept your mouth shut.
271
00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:57,680
Exactly! Lee said...
272
00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:57,680
Shut up, Tanya!
273
00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:08,400
I was... waiting for the right time
to tell you, Becky.
274
00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:11,360
Like her anniversary or something(?)
275
00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:14,600
# BANANARAMA: More More More
276
00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:16,440
# Do what you gotta do
277
00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:21,000
Anyone for a nightcap?
278
00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:21,000
# More, more, more
How d'you like it, how d'you like it?
279
00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:22,640
# More, more, more... #
280
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:32,880
(SLURRED)
I'm going to read it again.
281
00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:37,520
There's the elephant...
282
00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:40,200
"He's happy with his balloon."
283
00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:43,280
"Oh, no! It's gone!"
284
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:48,560
"Where... is it?"
285
00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:51,920
"It's not behind the rhino."
286
00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:58,120
"Look in the alligator's mouth."
287
00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:00,920
BOTH: "It's not there either."
288
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:06,240
"Oh! The monkey's got it
in the tree!"
289
00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:09,000
"He brings it back."
290
00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:12,560
BOTH: "They all drink lemonade.
The end."
291
00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:20,720
GLASSES CLINK
292
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:20,720
Here's to us. (SIGHS)
293
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:27,320
Bernard, I feel sorry
for the children who grew up
before they could read this book.
294
00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:32,440
(SLURRED) Manny, we are going
to be... ve-very rich.
295
00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:37,880
How rich, Bernard?
296
00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:37,880
Oh, uncontrollably,
incontinently rich.
297
00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:40,880
And Fran will be humiliated.
298
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:45,640
Yeah!
299
00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:45,640
See, we don't need this dirty,
filthy everyday money.
300
00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:49,640
Success... will bring problems.
301
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:53,440
I don't want to wake up in rehab
with Shergar.
302
00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:58,320
What problems? We're on a pig's back
charging through a velvet field.
303
00:18:58,520 --> 00:19:02,080
There will be pressure
for a follow-up. People will say
304
00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:10,160
"Hey, Elephant Balloon guys, it's
been a while, where's the next one?"
305
00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:10,160
Who cares
what our disgusting public think?
306
00:19:10,360 --> 00:19:14,360
And the houses. You'll be
in your Mustique house and think
307
00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:21,240
"Oh, no,
where's my designer underpants?
Oh, they're in my Kong Hong house!"
308
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:21,240
Oh, no!
309
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:28,840
Th-There's the press intrusion.
310
00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:28,840
The press? Will they be onto us?
311
00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:28,840
They'll hound us
like a pack of... hounds!
312
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:35,840
But I'm just strolling up the beach
with my discreetly pregnant
Brazilian girlfriend.
313
00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:42,920
(TOTALLY DRUNK)
And then the boat appears laden with
paparizzi and I'll say "You filth!"
314
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:47,720
Filth!
315
00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:47,720
"Take a photo of me if you must,
but leave her out of it!"
316
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:52,840
She didn't ask for any of this, she's
just an ordinary lingerie model!
317
00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:56,440
I can't deal with it!
318
00:19:56,440 --> 00:20:02,760
I just wanna live in my normal
mansion with my normal helicopter
and yacht. Is that too much to ask?
319
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:06,800
No! Manny, we must undo this thing.
320
00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:14,280
What d'you mean?
321
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:14,280
It has to go.
322
00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:14,280
You're right, Bernard. It's our
only chance of living a normal life.
323
00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:26,680
Ready?
324
00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:33,560
This is the right thing to do.
325
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:36,680
Yeah, Mustique's quite nice, but...
326
00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:43,520
Get it out!
327
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:17,440
CRASH
328
00:21:30,120 --> 00:21:33,920
It was... a big animal...
like a hippo or a whale.
329
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:36,320
Or a camel. I think it was a camel.
330
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:38,760
Was it? It had lost something.
331
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:44,320
Yeah, a wheelbarrow, a-a chest
of drawers, a microlight, er...
332
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:49,320
I don't know, Bernard, it's not
coming back, it's never coming back!
333
00:21:55,640 --> 00:22:01,560
Oh.
334
00:21:57,080 --> 00:22:01,560
You haven't written anything.
335
00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:01,560
We wrote a very good children's book.
336
00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:05,560
Yes, we had to burn it
because it was too good.
337
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:11,640
Course. I understand, it happens
all the time. £50, please.
338
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:15,640
What sort of time
did you have anyway? Really?
339
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:19,280
It... was... bliss!
340
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:21,320
I was... It was so amazing.
341
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:25,720
It couldn't have been better,
the best time in the whole world.
342
00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:33,040
Oh, there you go, it was awful.
343
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:38,680
But, well, the wedding's off,
so I don't have to buy a present.
344
00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:40,960
Hey, I'm up on the weekend.
345
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:43,560
Mister, mister, how much is this?
346
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:49,720
It's a first edition, it's expensive.
347
00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:49,720
I've saved up all my pocket money,
I've got £9.
348
00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:52,040
Oh, well done, you.
349
00:22:52,120 --> 00:22:55,760
That is a lot of money.
350
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:55,760
Yeah, but it's still £50, so...
351
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:59,640
It's my favourite book ever,
I wish I had £50.
352
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:09,160
It's really your favourite book ever?
353
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:13,080
I love it more
than anything in the world!
354
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:17,000
Well, you...
355
00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:22,040
I've never said this to anybody,
but you're gonna have to get a job.
356
00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:53,440
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26565
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